H.B. Pattskyn's Blog, page 14

Self Injury

There are a lot of things about my A Place to Belong that has made it a difficult story to write, on a personal, emotional level. (I think I just need to get used to that fact! I went through the same heartache with Daniel in Hanging by the Moment !)

Andy, in A Place to Belong , is all but homeless. His father kicked him out when he was just fifteen because he found out Andy was gay; Andy's mom ditched and ran when he was just six. I have a little bit of experience with parent abandonment myself; my mother never quite wanted to be a mother. Fortunately for me, I had an amazing grandmother who stepped in and took over. Andy wasn't so lucky. He ended up on the streets, forced to do all sorts of things in order to survive. When the choice is starving or selling your body on the street corner, there aren't many people who would chose to starve.
 But probably the hardest thing about Andy for me to write is his his self injuring behavior. Self injury--which usually described as cutting but it isn't limited to merely that--is hard for me to wrap my head around. I've done the research and even had a brush with it personally when my own teenaged daughter started cutting last year. She got the idea from a friend (who actually strongly advised against it, not that any of the little group thought it might be a good idea to tell my me or my husband). Fortunately we still caught it fairly early and got help, but it took a lot of pushing and fighting and not just to get my teenager to open up. I had one social worker look at me and say in a bland tone that I shouldn't worry about it, cutting was just something teens do.

Excuse me?

No.

But I can (in hindsight*) understand what I think she really mean, but didn't seem to have the vocabulary for. Self injury is on the rise, especially among teens. It's not "normal", but neither should someone be shunned or made to feel guilty for doing it. As a parent, I had to get past my initial reaction (panic) and deal with it, because self injury can easily become an addiction.
 *in the moment I was simply outraged, confused, and wondered what I'd done wrong as a parent
Anyone who has ever struggled with an addiction knows how difficult it can be to break the habit, even when the habit causes you pain and/or embarrassment.

Andy is pretty self conscious of his scars, and he has a lot of them to be self conscious of. He startedgreat blog entry about recovery from self injury (there are some images at the end which may be triggering; I intentionally chose a site where, while graphic in some ways, the images aren't bloody or gory. It's really hard to research self injury without looking at a lot of open and sometimes deep wounds.)
self injuring when he was nine--which sadly, isn't as outrageous as it might sound. The scars he has from back then are pretty harsh; as he got older, he became more skilled at not only hiding what he was doing, but taking care of himself afterward. Most people who self injure aren't actually trying to cause themselves serious harm, self injury is an outlet for pain, a way of making internal pain manageable. I think we've all had times when we felt like we were running out of (or completely out of) coping mechanisms. For some people self injury is simply a coping mechanism. It just isn't especially healthy. If anyone is interested, here's a

Andy's story got dicier for me when Andy announced (in that way that characters do) that he's into BDSM. He's not like Jason from Bound (Andy just likes a little slap with his tickle), and yes he knows (the version of Andy that's in my head telling me his story, *not* the version of Andy who first appears on Page One) that it isn't completely healthy for him to be into BDSM--it's very easy for him to get in over his head. Which of course, he has. (There are a lot of reasons he's in over his head, but an addiction to pain and a general feeling of unworthiness make it pretty easy for him to get "lost").

The question I had to try and answer was is it possible for someone who self injures to be into BDSM in a healthy way, and if so, how? A good chunk of that answer comes with having the right partner, which of course is where Dillon comes in. (Although Dillon has some baggage of his own).

Here's one of the articles I read while researching self injury and LGBT youth:

http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2008/03/10/hidden-lives-self-harm-and-the-lgbt-community/

And an article on self injury in general:

http://tbo.com/health/medical-news/the-unkindest-cut-self-harm-about-relief-not-suicide-b82477670z1

March 1st is National Self Injury
Awareness DayIt's almost ironic that many people who self injure say they have a low self image or low self esteem and yet realize that the scars only make it worse. Self injurers aren't trying to draw attention to themselves and many go to great lenghts to hide their scars. Very few ever become suicidal (which doesn't mean it can't happen, it just means that most people who self injur aren't a trying to take their own lives, they're actually trying to cope with living). It takes a lot of courage for someone with an arm full of scars to wear short sleeves in public, at least in part because there is so much misunderstanding of self injury.


  Helen Pattskyn, Fantasy Artist, Gay Romance Author

June was officially been declared as National LGBTQ Pride...

June was officially been declared as National LGBTQ Pride Month by President Obama on May 31. Most people I know couldn't be happier. But as I started to collect my thoughts to write about something today, I remembered a young man (in his 20's, so young compared to me) who used to live with us. He had nothing but derision for the notion of LGBTQ Pride and history. Gay history he said, had nothing do with him, even though he himself was (is) a gay man. I was flabbergasted; we went round and round about it on numerous occasions (during which I had to remind him that I'm a bisexual woman, so yes, LGBTQ history *does* concner me on a personal and not just moral levle. Like many people, this particular young man seemed to keep forgetting that even though I married a man I like girls too.) It saddened me that anyone could be so willfully and stubbornly ignorant of history; it wasn't just that he'd never heard of Stonewall, when my husband (a straight man) and I tried to tell him why cared about it, he told us he didn't *want* to know. He simply didn't care . (His words, not mine).  I don't know if that attitude was the product of being young (there were many things I was passionate about when I was in my 20's, although those things have changed over time), or if it has to do with growing up in a time and place where it's easy to take things like equality for granted. Although Michigan has a constitutional ban on gay marriage, the area in which we live is pretty liberal. It's easy to forget that a hundred miles north (or even west) and you're likely to see a lot of lawn sighs urging for voters to support the ultra conservative Right. (On the bright side, I just read an artical in the Oakland Press suggesting that that may be changing soon. There's pressure being put on Micigan lawmakers to overturn the 2004 ban on same sex marriage--huzzah!!!) Still, it's easy to take freedom for granted when you live in a part of the country where it's easy to feel free to walk down the stree holding hands with your same sex partner--when you live in a country where you're free to attend a Pride event (despite the best efforts of a small handful of people who are doing their best to give their entire religion a bad name). It's easy to take freedom for granted when you don't live in a place like Uganda where they keep trying to introduce the death penalty for homosexuality or even slightly more civilized places like Russia where the ban is simply on "gay propaganda" and the penality is imprisonment.  And yet, it wasn't so long ago that the climate wasn't pretty bleak right here in the U.S. The video below is something I found while I was doing a little digging into history, myself. To be honest, it churns my stomach on lots of levels, but mostly, it illustrates how just 60 years ago, homosexuality was still considered a mental illness. (In fact, it was only removed from the DSM in the mid seventies...and while I was double checking my dates, I discovered that there are *still* people who want to see that decision reversed .) http://www.connect2mason.com/homosexuality_is_a_mental_illness2 http://www.behaviorismandmentalhealth.com/2011/10/08/homosexuality-the-mental-illness-that-went-away/http://www.blowthetrumpet.org/IsHomosexualityaMentalDisorder.htm  Here's that PSA from the 50's Here's something else worth watchinghttp://www.thelavenderscare.com/ 

First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out--
Because I was not a Socialist.
Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out--
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out--
Because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for me--and there was no one left to speak for me.

~Martin Niemöller
Helen Pattskyn, Fantasy Artist, Gay Romance Author

Sexy Saturday Blog Hop

A weekly blog hop for sexy writing--now that's my kind of hop!
 The premise is simple: every Saturday fifty or so of us (romance writers, both published and unpublished) will blog seven words, seven sentences, or seven paragraphs of something sexy! And isn't it just perfect that I have seven incredibly sexy sentences happening at the very start of Chapter Seven of A Place To Belong , my nearly finished WIP?Chapter Seven 

Dillon’s eyes rolled back in his head as soft pink lips descended on his aching cock; the heat was unreal. “Oh God, that feels…sweet Jesus.” There were no words to describe the heaven that was Andy’s velvety mouth. He flicked his tongue along Dillon’s glans and moaned, causing Dillon to groan as the vibration shot through his whole body. Good God, it had been so long. He clutched the sofa cushions to try and keep from bucking, not wanting to choke Andy.
But Andy didn’t seem to mind; he swallowed Dillon’s cock with ease, sucking hard and laving his tongue eagerly around the shaft.  **** Andy--isn't he a cutie??If you want to find out when A Place to Belong is coming out, keep up on other news, get in on special events and contests, you can subscribe to my Newsletter . The first issue is coming out in June and to celebrate, I'm giving away a $10 Dreamspinner Press Gift Certificate plus some swag to one lucky subscriber. And don't be shy about leaving a comment! Sometimes I feel like I'm blogging to the aether  ;-)Click here to eturn to the Sexy Saturday Blog Hop   Helen Pattskyn, Fantasy Artist, Gay Romance Author

Blog Hop Winners!

That was a very long blog hop! But I had fun--I hope everybody who stopped by did, too. My winners are: Casey and NJ Nielson. Their gift certificatre are in the "mail" (email). Remember, I'm doing another giveaway for everyone who is signed up for my first newsletter (due out June 15).  In addition to a $10 gift certificate to DSP, the winner of that drawing will also win some mighty cool swag. (And of course, I don't have pictures up yet...) I just ordered some tote bags from Vista Print. The winner will get his/her choice of one the two designs. There will be more random giveaways for newsletter subscribers, as well as fun stuff every month. Yes, of course I want to make sure the people who are the most interested in my books hear about them first, but I also want to make sure I give something back to my readers. You guys are important to me. Last weekend, I was at MediaWest Con, in Lansing MI, and someone asked "why do I do conventions?" The answer isn't really "to make money", although we did sell a lot of books (but not nearly enough to cover hotel rooms and sushi!) the answer is to meet people, becasue readers are wone over one at a time. Only it doesn't stop there. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for my readers. I never want you guys to think I've forgotten that. I blogged a little bit about MediaWest and cons in general over on Tempeste O'Riley's blog yesterday.   Helen Pattskyn, Fantasy Artist, Gay Romance Author

Blog Hops

Yes, you read that correctly: HOPS. Today starts the Blog Hop Against Homophobia and Transphobia,  an event that is near and dear to my heart both as a writer of M/M Romance (because try as I might, I don't write fluffy-happy; my stories are HEA but there's always an issue or two lurking, be it an LGBTQ issue or a social issue) and as a bisexual woman. (Thank you again to the hosts/sponsors for their hard work!!) The hop is so important that I went ahead and signed up for it this year even after signing up for the Hot Summer Nights Blog Hop .  Getting back to what I talked about a few days ago (whether I write Gay Romance or Romance), I've been trying to work my way into more mainstream hops, not just for my own work but for the recognition of M/M Romance in general. So when the Hot Summer Nights Hop crossed my radar, I put my name down without thinking about dates, conflicts, or my sanity  :)  So there you have it, the story of two blog hops. :)
Here's how this is going to work:
 Please leave ONE  comment below; by your comment I'll know which Blog Hop brought you here (keep reading for clarification). At the end each hop, I'll put names from that hop into their own hat and draw a winner; I want to keep things fair since I have no idea how much traffic either hop is going to generate. Please be sure to include your email address in your comment. The give away prize is exactly the same for each hop: a Dreamspinner Press Gift Certificate worth $10*.  In addition, I'm asking (but not requiring) folks to sign up for my monthly newsletter. The plan is simple, no spam just fun stuff, freebies, and announcements.  Sign up here . To celebrate my first issue (coming out mid-June), I'll be giving away a Dreamspinner Gift Certificate* and some really cool swag to a random subscriber. Subscribers will also get first shot at winning a signed copy of my third novel, due out in Sept/Oct. * you will have to create an account on the Dreamspinner Press  website to use the gift certificates, but it's easy and painless!  Blog Hop Against Homophobia and Transphobia (May 17-27): Please comment below and tell me what makes this issue important to you.   In Russia, there are laws against
gay pride events. My heritage
is Russian, Irish, and Welsh. For me the answer is that I'm a bisexual woman--but I know I've got it easy. I have a wonderful supportive husband, a grandmother who didn't totally freak out and lose it when I came out to her 20 some odd years ago, and I live in a neighborhood where, while I'm sure it would raise some eyebrows if I walked down the street holdling a woman's hand, I wouldn't get lynched, jailed, or murdered in cold blood for it. I realize how lucky that makes me.  In the U.S., the the rate of homelessness amongh LGBT Youth is around 20%--straight kids: 10%. That's one of the issues I'm tackling in my current WIP ( A Place to Belong ). Andy gets kicked out of his father's house at 15 because he's gay; having no where else to go and no one to turn to, he ends up renting his body by the hour out on the streets.

I'll be blogging more about that and other things that are important to my heart in the coming weeks because...well, this is my little corner of the 'net and even though I write what I describe as "beach reads" (i.e. "cheesy romance novels"), I am who I am, and who I am is someone who tackles issues that are important to me in the only way I really know how: I write about them.

That's the thing, really: we all have talents, we all have a way to draw attention to the things that matter to us--and we all have things that are important to our hearts. Don't be afraid to get out there and say something about what matters to you. You never know going in how important it is to say something, to let someone else know they're not as alone as they think they are.

I am so proud of my fellow DSP authors Sue Brown (who I haven't met except over the 'net) and J.P. Barnaby (writing as Jamie Mayfield ) (who I utterly adore!) for are donated money and raising awareness to and for homeless LGBT youth in their respective communities.  To get back to the Blog Hop Against Homophobia &Transphobia click here.
 Hot Summer Nights Blog Hop (May 22-29): Please leave a comment below telling me about your favorite summer memory OR just tell me what you love most about summert.

Please be sure to include your email address in your comment.  My favorite part of summer is sitting by the firepit in my back yard, sipping wine, and watching the lightning bugs zip around. Sometimes I even bring my laptop outside so I can write under the stars  :) And like so many other people, I have a memory of a summer fling  :)  It was the summer before my senior year of high school and my best friend introduced me to this guy he met...heck if I can remember where they met, but this guy...we'll call him Don (because that's his name!) was new to the area or something and oh did I fall hard. He was truly my first great love. And the good news: even though he managed to break my heart in a fit of adolescent what-not, we're still friends. We reconnected a few years back and don't see each other much, but he's a great guy and I'm so glad we met. And ah... part of that story is worming its way into my next book! I've got a partial outline I'll be starting the actual writing in the next week or two.  To get back to the hop click here.    This summer, I'm also going to be doing something pretty important with some of my summer days; I've started volunteering with Aids Partnership Michigan and summer is a big time for getting out into the community with outreach programs. I'm really excited with the prospect of helping out.  I decided to spend some time volunteering with APM because my third novel, Hanging by the Moment due out Sept/Oct is...well, it's about a lot of things, but one the biggest issues is HIV. Regular visitors know how heartsick I was when I started researching issues surrounding HIV positive status and dating.  I decided it was easy to give a percentage of my royalities to charity, but a lot harder to give my time. That's why I'm giving both.
 Thanks for hopping on by! I hope you get a chance to check out both blog hops; there are some amazing authors and publishers on both lists.
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Helen Pattskyn, Fantasy Artist, Gay Romance Author

I write gay romance

Which is probably not a shock to anyone who comes here regularly!   :)So what's with the declaration of the obvious, you might wonder. Over the weekend I went camping with some friends; it was a big group kind of thing. I knew the people I went with, but the others were totally new to me, so I did a lot of introducing of myself and it's fairly normal for people to ask what you do for a living.I write gay romance.A few eyebrows went up, but overall I was in a pretty liberal group so it wasn't much of a big deal, but that got me thinking (always dangerous!)Often when I'm asked what I do, I simply say "I write" or "I write romance". To be honest, the reason is twofold. The obvious part is that there are discussions I don't necessarily want to get into with the more closed minded conservative types. The other part is "why make differentiate?" Isn't it ALL romance ? Well. Yes.And no.Because I don't write het. romance. I don't typically even read het. romance. It just doesn't interest me, even when it's really well written. Kind of the same way that while I respect the authors who do it well, the horror genre doesn't typically interest me (although there are a few exceptions). Hard science fiction doesn't interest me. Contemporary urban fantasy has lost its appeal over the years. I'm sure you have your own list of things you love to read and stuff you just kind of go "meh" to because it isn't your thing. And that's awesome! If we all liked the same stuff it would be a dead dull world. But... coming back around to "I write gay romance" this weekend got me thinking. Is it better to say simply that I write romance (because I do, gosh darn it and I want all romance to be created--or at least received--equally) or is it better to call attention to the fact that I write in this specific sub-genre where boy meets boy?  By calling attention to it, am I saying m/m romance isn't the same as het. romance? I'm sure Nora Roberts doesn't say "Hi, I write heterosexual romances". She most likely says "I'm a romance novelist". Why should I be any different? Romance is romance, right? Or am I being oversensitive because I grew up on PSAs like this one?    Or, conversely, should I call attention to the fact that romance novels comes in every shape and size and color and gender (just like real people)? More than once when the subject of exactly what kind of romance I write has come up, the person I was talking to was totally amazed that such a thing as gay romance even exists. Do people actually read that? Why yes, we do. My husband will be the first person to tell you just how much of it I read because he sees my Amazon bill every month!  Calling attention to the genre means the risk of uncomfortable conversations and certainly there's a time to pick and choose when to have those, but this weekend got me wondering whether I was doing my genre (and therefore myself) a disservice by quietly saying "I write romance". If what I want is to be able to walk into a bookstore someday and see my books on the shelves, then more people need to know we exist.  I'm curious what y'all think; please leave a comment below.   SUBSCRIBE
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Helen Pattskyn, Fantasy Artist, Gay Romance Author

The Writing Life: Goals and Sacrifices

Part 2

What are your writing goals for the rest of the year?

My immediate goal is to finish my WIP, which is coming along nicely, if not as quickly as I would like. Getting an outline nailed down has helped tremendously, however and I have genuinely high hopes for the next two novels. Which are part of my goals for the rest of the year (my goal is actually 3 more novels after my WIP, but I haven't nailed the third one down yet. I'm either going to do another contemporary, or the sequel to either Bound or  Heart's Home .) Another goal is to start a monthly newsletter (you can subscribe by clicking here)--and I'd like to have at least 100 names on my mailing list by the end of the year. I'm trying to blog as close to every day as I can without resorting to posting cat memes.    I'd also really like to get my act together and do a proper blog tour for Hanging by the Moment because Pasha and Daniel deserve it.  And I know I'd better finish up Henry and Jason's story before some of you wonderful people show up on my doorstep with buckets of tar and feather pillows! All of those plans take work and time and effort. It also take some organization which, let's be honest, isn't my strong suit--but mostly, they take time and that means giving stuff up.  But even though I'm working on giving up some things, I've started volunteering with AIDS Partnership Michigan . Currently I'm there once a week, but after next week I'm going to start making that two days a week because some things are worth making time for and I'd like to do more work out in the community, which means getting more training. Somethings are so totally worth the time they take, and this is just one of them. I wanted to do more than donate a percentage of my royalties from Hanging by the Moment I wanted to volunteer my time, too. That's more valuable to me than money.  This year, I'm doing more in person promotional stuff, like Media*West Con and I've just started making plans to be at the OutWrite Book Fair in DC, in August. Next Easter, I'll be in Tampa for Rainbow Con.  And I'd like to still have a life while I'm at it ;-)  (I'm going down to Ohio to spend a week with my friends and Shamanic teachers at Dragon Waters for a workshop, the first one I've been able get to in ages and this weekend, I'm going camping with some Pagan friends. But I'm taking my laptop to both the camp ground and to Ohio.) And I'd like to paint more this year because I miss it.  Like I said yesterday, in order to achieve our goals, we need to be willing to make sacrifices. I have to give up time in front of the television, time on Youtube, and time mindlessly surfing Facebook. Social networking is one thing, but FB is really my biggest downfall. The Sims used to be, but I haven't played that in forever. I had to give it up. I have to tell my beloved husband that no, I do not want to watch Doctor Who RIGHT NOW, because right now I'm working. And there may be friends I don't get to see as often--but I'm pretty lucky that my friends get how important this is to me.  Not everyone is as lucky and I know it--and I did leave a crit group because of some of the unsupportive shit I was getting. Not from everyone, but when the shit got to be more than it was worth.... time to go. But I miss some of them. I even miss the guy who gave me shit. I just know that it's more valuable for me to seek out critiques from people who understand and support my genre.  So there are my goals. Feel free to nag me anytime if I start blogging about Doctor Who (or cat memes!) To everyone who has already signed up for my newsletter a huge, huge thank you! If you think you're interested, I'm a long way off from that goal of 100 names.    Helen Pattskyn, Fantasy Artist, Gay Romance Author

The Writing Life: Goals and Sacrifices

I was having coffee with a friend last night and she mentioned that she was thinking about law school--maybe. She's a level headed adult, so I wasn't telling her anything she didn't know when I suggested weighing her career goals/desires against the sacrifices she'd have to make in order to pursue a law degree. The a...jury's still out on whether or not she's going to pursue the degree. (Yeah, I know bad pun!) Law school isn't just expensive, it's a time consuming endeavor.

I didn't think much of the topic of goals and sacrifices until a little later on that evening another friend PMed me and asked how I balance writing fanfiction with original fiction. I had to be honest: I don't. I haven't written fanfiction in several years. I have several stories hanging, waiting to be finished. I want to finish them--I just don't have time. (I still keep saying someday I will).

Being a writer means making sacrifices. It means that I have to tell my husband (who is really very supportive) that, no, I do NOT want to sit down and watch Doctor Who right now, I'm working. No, I do NOT want to go to the movies right now, I'm working. No, I do NOT want to go to visit his mother (I love my mother in law) right now, I'm working. No, I do NOT want to go takt the dog to the park right now, I'm working. He'll just have to go and do these things without me. And I'm one of the lucky ones; right now, I don't have an evil day job. (Every time I try the universe conspires to kick me in the ass and I don't stay there very long. I think I'm just going to take the hint and write!)

Most writers, however, do have evil day jobs. Even if it's an evil day job that you happen to love, doing that and writing is like having two full time careers.

But the pursuit of any artistic endevour, whether it's writing or art or acting or music requires sacrifices, and those sacrifices are by necessity equal to your goal. My goal is to actually be able to earn a living off my writing. I kinda have to, it's not really a choice...and yet the universe may be kicking my butt so hard because I set myself up for it to. My goal has always been to be a fulltime writer. One of the sacrifices is giving up the security of a steady paycheck. That's not an easy sacrifice for me. I crave stability. I'm also terrible and "endings". I'm great at starting a project, but ending it takes a lot more effort. (I'm a Capricorn and Capricorn is Cardinal Earth. Cardinal signs are notorious for being great starters. Finishers, well.... yeah.) But knowing this going in, I just have to learn better startegies for finishing projects.

And that too is its own kind of sacrifice, because finishing for me is hard. But so is not making money and while of course I write because I love it, I can't pay the electric bill with copies of unpublished manuscripts; the book has to be written, sold to a publisher, produced and then promoted because these days writing a book isn't just sitting back and writing a book. The best promotion will always be to write the best stuff you can--or to paint the best pictures, write the best songs, act in as many plays as you can land jobs in, etc--but we still have to get out there and blog, Tweet, Facebook, Tumbl--or whatever they do on Tumblr. We have to Pin and pimp ourselves. And still find time to write great stories or paint awesome pictures, sing great songs, etc.

It requires time.

It requires effort.

It requires sacrifice.

And for me, it's still the best job in the world!

More on goals and sacrifices tomorrow!



I want to remind everyone that I'm starting a Newsletter!So far the plan is simple: Starting in June, I'll be sending out a short monthly newsletter with fun stuff, updates, contest announcements, etc.  I want to thank everyone who has signed up alreadyand ask anyone who might be interested to give it a try!
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 Helen Pattskyn, Fantasy Artist, Gay Romance Author

Sex!

  LOL -- okay so when I decided to write about sex this morning, this was the first song that popped into my head. I'd totally forgotten how fun (okay and a little silly) the video was. Hey. It was the eighties! A comment on my last post got me thinking (hardly for the first time) about "how much sex" to put on the page. My friend Grace Duncan has caught some flack for the amount of on-page sex in her book Choices . Personally, I didn't mind because there was so much more to the sex scenes than inserting tab A into slot B. I'm not just talking good descriptions, I'm talking good story. You just had to read between the sheets to get it  ;-) My second novel ( Bound ) can certainly be summed up with: and they had a lot of sex (at least for the first half of the book). But the one I have coming out in Sept/Oct not so much. There are only three or four sex scenes, one not between the two MC's (it happens before they get together--in fact Pasha is convinced that he's never going to see Daniel again because he gave Daniel a rather cruel brush off, although thankfully for Pasha's sake, Daniel is more patient than that and decides to give Pasha another shot). My current WIP will probably fall somewhere in the middle; the boys meet at a bar and go home together for the sole purpose of a one night stand, but, well....  ;-) Most of the m/m books I read average...hmmm.... five, maybe six good sex scenes per 70,000-90,000 word book. Some are more explicit than others but that doesn't matter to me as long as they're well writting (the first time I see a "throbbing turgid member", I'm outa there! Oh, or "his cock wept", which is just as bad as "her cunt wept", which is pretty much why I don't read het! And yes, saddly, I've read books with weeping cocks and weeping cunts and all I think is would somebody please hand those poor little body parts a tissue...) And yet some books have absolutely no sex. A few years ago I read Downtime* by Tamara Allen (aka James Allen) and remember being struck by how chaste the romance was (although I don't count that as a bad thing!)  So what are your thougts about sex in romance? How much is too much? How much is not enough? For me the "how much?" isn't what matters, what matters is what the sex scenes reveals about the characters. I will never quite forget the first few times (or the dead last time) I submitted work to my former critique group. Completely unused to books with on-page sex, several members were gobsmacked that "the story stopped for sex"--and yet when I tried to "tone down" that same book for my mother in law **, I couldn't. Too many important things happened between the sheets. Conversly, if the sex scenes can be cut out without changing the story, they probably should be. (I've found a new crit. group, but haven't attended a meeting yet. I admit it, I'm a little nervous.) And I do have to admit that I felt kind of vindicated when someone asked Elizabeth, Chief Executive in Charge of Everything DSP what kinds of manuscripts she doesn't accept and her third answer was "erotica" even though she said she sometimes gets some very good erotica sent to her. (Top answer: bad ones. Second answer: stuff we don't publish. Apparently there really are people who don't bother reading the submission guidelines or even pay much attention to the publisher's web page.) And speaking of DSP. I'm pretty sure my books will be in the last sale of the month (I was first pubbed with them in 2011), but this is an AWESOME opportunity to buy some amazing books from your other favorite DSP authors (you know I am!)   
 Please leave your comments below (and check back because I almost always respond!)

I want to remind everyone that I'm starting a Newsletter!So far the plan is simple: Starting in June, I'll be sending out a short monthly newsletter with fun stuff, updates, contest announcements, etc. I want to thank everyone who has signed up alreadyand ask anyone who might be interested to give it a try! 
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 *Downtime seems to have been reissued through Amazon Digital Services and/or Hunna Punna Press (there are two listings for it in Amazon; different covers, same book) and it appears to be much longer than before. At least one review dings it for too much sex. *scratches head*. On the upside, if you're as curious as I am, you get it for free (Amazon's/the author's asking price: $0).   **My husband told me that Mom wanted to read it, but she'd prefer the PG version. I was a little surprised, that didn't sound like Mom, but okay, I love my mother in law. I worked very hard and managed to get it down to a mild R (rather than NC 17). I called Mom to let her know and apologize for not being able to make it any more mild, but there were just too many important things happening in the sex scenes that the best I could do was take out some of the descriptions and change a few words (cock became penis, etc). Mom paused and asked me why in the world had I done that?! She wanted to read it as is. "But your son said..." "My son doesn't know what he's talking about. Just give me the book the way you wrote it."  I LOVE my mother in law! (Hubby just didn't feel comfortable his mother was reading an R / NC 17 rated book. He's actually totally supportive). Helen Pattskyn, Fantasy Artist, Gay Romance Author

The Enticing Incident...

Sounds dirty, huh? Sorry to disappoint, it's not ;-)  In my last post, I mentioned that I've been reading K.M. Weiland's how-to book Outlining Your Novel . One of the things she touches on is "the enticing incident", that point of no return for your charcters where their lives are changed forever. In a romance, that's usually when they meet, although I suppose it could also be some defining moment of the relationship. Weiland suggests that this incident should take place within the first quarter of the book. I balked when I read that and was all set to post long and loud about how wrong that idea is. You can't make your readers wait five or six chapters for the defining moment! My wisdom (such as it is) tells me it should happen on page one. At least by the end of Chapter One. And then I proceeded to add two whole chapters (almost 3000 words total) to the beginning of my WIP ( A Place to Belong ), thus delaying Andy and Dillon's enticing incident, the moment when two lonely men meet in a darkend bar and decide "fuck it"...or rather "let's fuck each other".  All things considered, I like the new beginning better. I'm hoping readers will too, it gives them a chance to get to know the characters a little better on their own, get a peek into each of their lives, before they actually meet.  So what do you think? How soon do you need your characters (either the ones you write about or the ones you read about) to have their "enticing incident" before you get bored?  I'm leaving you tonight with a video that *so* sums up Andy's character that I decided it was his favorite song by his favorite artist.   You can also find the first two chapters (and remember, they are TOTALLY unedited) here . You'll have to scroll a little, but the excerpts are pretty clearly marked.

Last but not least, don't forget:

I'm creating a newsletter! So far the plan is simple:
Once a month, I'll send out a newsletter with recipes, fun stuff, news, updates, contest announcements, etc. If something truly extraordinary happens in between newsletters, I'll send out a brief announcement. That's it. No spam, no bogging down your email box. Please consider signing up.
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 Helen Pattskyn, Fantasy Artist, Gay Romance Author