Adam Oster's Blog, page 28

Fat Mogul vs. Adulthood

I’m nearly 36, but in my head, I still think of myself as being in my early 20s.

That is until I am woken up at 6am by my five year old son and begin to feel the pains from that short walk I took yesterday, while craving coffee because I feel like I haven’t gotten nearly enough sleep even though I was in bed by 10pm the previous night and I can’t help but fret over the three billion things that need to get done throughout the course of the day even though I’d much rather sit down and play video games for hours on end during the brief period of time between when the kids leave in the morning and when they get back in the evening and I have to get dinner ready and amuse them until bedtime when I can finally actually sit on my butt for about an hour before I simply must fall asleep.

(Just a quick note that although I didn’t mention my wife in any of the previous, she is most certainly involved in the work effort noted above.  However, she doesn’t generally cause me to feel old, until I realize that we’ve been married for nearly 10 years now and have 401ks and a house and all sorts of other stuff that old people have).

I’ve had a difficult time in accepting adulthood.  I feel I do it pretty well.  Just a weekend ago I got complimented on my Dad-flexes (a term which refers to some fathers’ ability to have incredible reflexes when it comes to things like a child jumping to their death from the top of a slide…apparently there are a wide variety of youtube compilations under Dad Saves that you can watch if you’re interested, there’s also a reddit at reddit.com/r/DadReflexes).  But accepting adulthood has been difficult.

That’s probably why I still think of myself as being in my 20s.  Which can be problematic when I find myself with an opportunity to go out and enjoy some beverages until way past my bedtime.  I find myself in need of recovering for weeks afterward. As I write this, I’m still recovering from a night out I had with my wife from weeks ago.  And no, I don’t mean hangovers, because I’m awesome and rarely get them…kinda…I mean just the need to catch back up on sleep.

Of course, part of that is because when I was actually in my 20s, I could take a day to go into a brief coma and recover after weeks and weeks of poor sleeping decisions.  Now as an adult, with kids, a two hour nap on the weekends happens only if the stars align perfectly where I’m caught up enough on tasks to feel I can take a break while also having the kids all nap at the same time as the puppy.

And all this talk I’ve had here has caused me to realize my biggest issue with adulthood…There just isn’t enough time for sleep.

Why isn’t there enough time for sleep?

I have never, in my life, wanted naps as regularly as I have since I’ve officially transferred over to adulthood and the opportunities for them are so few and far between.  I’m not one of those folks who wishes I had listened to my parents more about naptimes as a kid, because I had energy then.  I’m one of those people wondering why kids get all the luck and actually get forced to take naps when I end up having to use the downtime from parenting to do things like weed the garden.

So, I have determined a new life goal for myself, a new form of social responsibility. I’m going to find a way to change the social code in America to enforce a regular nap period.  There’s science behind it, I promise.

Donate now!

 

 

Fat Mogul vs. The Fourth of July

Can there really be anything more American than the Fourth of July?  Obviously it makes sense for it to be such a definitive American moment, what with it being our country’s birthday and everything, but we’ve really taken the whole concept to heart.

Sure, fireworks may be a Chinese invention, but the idea of blowing things up whilst holding a beer (fairly German, right?) in one hand and an apple pie (first found in Britain) in the other, eating hamburgers and hot dogs (both rather German, aren’t they?) while listening to The Star Spangled Banner (Hey, Francis Scott Key was American!) at high volume on our music device which was most certainly made somewhere overseas.  Heck, Democracy first came about in Greece, cowboys originated in Spain, and French Fries are (wait for it…) from Belgium!

But these are just a few of the things many people see as being inseparably American.  This cultural appropriation (to use an en vogue term) is commonplace within the history of the United States and the Fourth of July is a celebration of a moment in history where a population of people from incredibly disparate backgrounds determined that they wanted to become their own nation, their own community, something new built from many things that are incredibly old.

The term melting pot has been used to describe our country (although, it has recently been updated to the much more appropriate idea of a salad bowl) which is, in many ways, a showcase of how America likes to take in new cultures and make it part of their own…well…we used to anyways.

Our current string of nationalism isn’t anything new, but it’s certainly something which strikes hard on a day like our nation’s birthday.  When the tired, poor, and/or huddled masses are no longer welcome, doesn’t that bring one to question the definition of our country?

Now, obviously, at some point there may be a need to limit how many of these masses we allow in.  I’m not saying this definitively, by any means, but just as a philosophical concept.  If all the masses are coming, at some point you’ll reach peak masses allowance.  But I don’t believe that’s the case today.  The case today is that we simply don’t want them.  We fear them.  Those same masses we sought to bring into our nation to allow for a better life are now seen as the masses which will bring us to ruin.

I’m not saying America has always met this ideal of accepting new cultures with open arms.  Just saying the word slavery is a simple way to shoot down how this ideal has had its troubles.  And our current views on groups like the Muslims isn’t anything new, considering items like how many Americans treated the Irish upon their initial arrivals on our soil.

We’ve failed on the ideal so many times.

But the ideal has nearly always been there.

This concept living in the heart of every American that if there is someone in need, we will offer our assistance.

Heck, one of the reasons our nation gives for a majority of our wars is that someone needed our help.  Because we like to be the protector, the father figure, the socially responsible.

But today, I can’t help but feel America is straying from that ideal, that we are looking toward scrubbing ourselves of the old history of being the country that accepts everyone for who they are.  We’ve become a nation focused on ourselves.  And not of ourselves as in as a nation, but ourselves as in each person.

So, on the upcoming 241st birthday of our country, I offer you one thought as you blow up, drink, and eat:  How do we want our country to act with regards to those in need?  Do we turn our backs and suggest that we simply don’t have enough to share?  Do we tell them the country’s full?  Do we close our borders in fear because we simply aren’t strong enough?

Or do we face the need as our country has always pretended it will: with open arms willing to accept those who are simply looking for a place where they can have life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness?

Have fun out there, and be safe!

Jack to the Future: Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Wade Can’t Drive Eighty-Eight

Jack leaped into the vehicle and Wade peeled out before Jack was even able to shut the door behind him.

“What the hell was that?” Jack asked as he struggled to pull the door closed while also latching his seat belt.

“I don’t know,” Wade said, his big grin returning as he pressed the pedal to the floor and the speed slowly crept up to 60.

“What do you mean you don’t know?  Someone was shooting at us!”

“Yeah,” Wade replied, his focus switching rapidly between the speed gauge and the road ahead.  The needle seemed to struggle as it approached 70 miles per hour.

“And you don’t know why?”

“Nope,” he turned hard to the right as the road ended in a T.  A look of disappointment crossed his face at the loss of speed, back down to 45 mph.

“You think it was the guy who owns this car?”

“Maybe, I didn’t stop to ask.”

“Dude, we have to ditch the car.  If someone’s shooting at us over it, we can’t say here.  Hell, we might even have to leave town.”

“You know what the best way to leave town is?”  A slight giggle escaped from Wade as the needle passed 70.

“Wade, I’m serious here.  Grand theft auto is nothing to laugh about!”

“I know, I know.  But have you taken a second to look behind us?”

Jack looked over his shoulder and saw a large train barreling down the road toward them.

“What the hell is that?” Jack screamed.

“Looks like a train to me,” Wade replied, his face straining with the car as it struggled to reach 75 miles per hour.

“I know it’s a damned train, but what is a damned train doing driving down the road at us?”

“I haven’t checked the train schedules or anything, but if I had to guess, it’s trying to catch us.”

“A train?!” Jack screamed louder.

“Would it be better if it were a motorcycle?” Wade said as he inwardly cheered the car surpassing 80.

A few gun shots rang out through the air.  Jack yelped and lowered himself in his seat.

“What’s the plan here, Wade?”

“The plan is to get out of here.  To find that butcher guy.”

“Time travel again?  You’ve got problems, Wade.  We’re being chased by a damned train and you’re still talking about time travel?”

“We’re being chased by a train, a train which seems to be keeping up with us pretty well at 85 miles per hour, and you think time travel is the problem here?”

Another three shots sounded and the DeLorean began wobbling wildly.

“Shit!” Wade yelped. “They shot out one of the tires.”  He leaned forward in an effort to will the vehicle to go faster, but the needle on the speed gauge was dropping rapidly, until the car suddenly lurched forward at the impact of the train behind them.

“Wade!” Jack screamed as Wade struggled with the steering wheel to keep the car moving ahead.

“What do you want me to do, Jack?”

“Anything!”

“I don’t have anything left to do.  Why don’t you try pushing some buttons and see if they might do something?”

“What, you think this thing is going to shoot out and oil spill or something to take out the train?”

“There are a billion buttons on this thing, if any of them can do anything to help us, you had better start flipping them!”

Jack considered his brother’s sentiment briefly before pressing every button and flipping every switch he could find.

“What about this big red button?” Jack asked.

“Sure, whatever, just push it already!”

“But it’s a big red button, aren’t those suppo—“

“Push it!” Wade screamed as more gun fire sounded.

Jack pressed the button and the DeLorean again leaped forward down the road.  Jack looked over his shoulder and saw a large blast of flame escaping from the rear of the car.

“Is that a freakin’ rocket?” Jack screamed in surprise.

“I don’t care what it is,” Wade answered, a smile again crossing his face as the speed gauge quickly noted their arrival at the 88 mph he had been struggling for. “It’s working!”

Three bright flashes of light blinded them before the night sky gave way to a bright sunny day.  Wade slammed on the brakes, causing the two of them to pull against their seat belts and still almost hit the front dash of the car, but managed to stop the car just in time to avoid the large tree which had suddenly appeared in their path.

“What the hell?” Jack asked through labored breaths.

“It worked!” Wade screamed and jumped out of the car.

As he landed on the ground, three men with guns appeared around him, all pointing their weapons directly in Wade’s face.

“You’re just in time, Mr. Skeeler.  The Butcher’s been waiting for you.”

Jack to the Future: Chapter Four

Chapter 4

Wade Can’t Drive Eighty-Eight

Jack leaped into the vehicle and Wade peeled out before Jack was even able to shut the door behind him.

“What the hell was that?” Jack asked as he struggled to pull the door closed while also latching his seat belt.

“I don’t know,” Wade said, his big grin returning as he pressed the pedal to the floor and the speed slowly crept up to 60.

“What do you mean you don’t know?  Someone was shooting at us!”

“Yeah,” Wade replied, his focus switching rapidly between the speed gauge and the road ahead.  The needle seemed to struggle as it approached 70 miles per hour.

“And you don’t know why?”

“Nope,” he turned hard to the right as the road ended in a T.  A look of disappointment crossed his face at the loss of speed, back down to 45 mph.

“You think it was the guy who owns this car?”

“Maybe, I didn’t stop to ask.”

“Dude, we have to ditch the car.  If someone’s shooting at us over it, we can’t say here.  Hell, we might even have to leave town.”

“You know what the best way to leave town is?”  A slight giggle escaped from Wade as the needle passed 70.

“Wade, I’m serious here.  Grand theft auto is nothing to laugh about!”

“I know, I know.  But have you taken a second to look behind us?”

Jack looked over his shoulder and saw a large train barreling down the road toward them.

“What the hell is that?” Jack screamed.

“Looks like a train to me,” Wade replied, his face straining with the car as it struggled to reach 75 miles per hour.

“I know it’s a damned train, but what is a damned train doing driving down the road at us?”

“I haven’t checked the train schedules or anything, but if I had to guess, it’s trying to catch us.”

“A train?!” Jack screamed louder.

“Would it be better if it were a motorcycle?” Wade said as he inwardly cheered the car surpassing 80.

A few gun shots rang out through the air.  Jack yelped and lowered himself in his seat.

“What’s the plan here, Wade?”

“The plan is to get out of here.  To find that butcher guy.”

“Time travel again?  You’ve got problems, Wade.  We’re being chased by a damned train and you’re still talking about time travel?”

“We’re being chased by a train, a train which seems to be keeping up with us pretty well at 85 miles per hour, and you think time travel is the problem here?”

Another three shots sounded and the DeLorean began wobbling wildly.

“Shit!” Wade yelped. “They shot out one of the tires.”  He leaned forward in an effort to will the vehicle to go faster, but the needle on the speed gauge was dropping rapidly, until the car suddenly lurched forward at the impact of the train behind them.

“Wade!” Jack screamed as Wade struggled with the steering wheel to keep the car moving ahead.

“What do you want me to do, Jack?”

“Anything!”

“I don’t have anything left to do.  Why don’t you try pushing some buttons and see if they might do something?”

“What, you think this thing is going to shoot out and oil spill or something to take out the train?”

“There are a billion buttons on this thing, if any of them can do anything to help us, you had better start flipping them!”

Jack considered his brother’s sentiment briefly before pressing every button and flipping every switch he could find.

“What about this big red button?” Jack asked.

“Sure, whatever, just push it already!”

“But it’s a big red button, aren’t those suppo—“

“Push it!” Wade screamed as more gun fire sounded.

Jack pressed the button and the DeLorean again leaped forward down the road.  Jack looked over his shoulder and saw a large blast of flame escaping from the rear of the car.

“Is that a freakin’ rocket?” Jack screamed in surprise.

“I don’t care what it is,” Wade answered, a smile again crossing his face as the speed gauge quickly noted their arrival at the 88 mph he had been struggling for. “It’s working!”

Three bright flashes of light blinded them before the night sky gave way to a bright sunny day.  Wade slammed on the brakes, causing the two of them to pull against their seat belts and still almost hit the front dash of the car, but managed to stop the car just in time to avoid the large tree which had suddenly appeared in their path.

“What the hell?” Jack asked through labored breaths.

“It worked!” Wade screamed and jumped out of the car.

As he landed on the ground, three men with guns appeared around him, all pointing their weapons directly in Wade’s face.

“You’re just in time, Mr. Skeeler.  The Butcher’s been waiting for you.”

Fat Mogul vs. This Guy

That’s right, I’m going right out and calling out this guy.  The guy in the picture.  The guy this article is written about.  In case you’re the type of person who doesn’t like to click links even long enough to read headlines, this guy, whose name is Jeff (or Jerf, am I right, Titus?)

has managed to go to Disneyland for 2,000 days straight.

That’s some impressive dedication.  If he’s to be believed, there were no sick days, no “I’m too tired to ride the tea cups” days, and absolutely no days in which he just couldn’t stand to hear the Mickey Mouse Club song anymore.

And, just like Monday’s post, I’m incredibly jealous.

I mean, I’ve only been to Disneyland once (this past October)…sure, I may have made numerous pilgrimages to the other American parks, including one this past March and one coming up in August, but 2,000 days straight?  That’s absolutely ridiculous.

If you don’t like math, which, let’s be honest, who does, that’s nearly five and a half years of crossing the turnstiles.  And sure, he obviously had annual passes for those years, but there are still dates those passes don’t work, which mean he’s been forking over the cash daily to the Mouse.  And he started this routine when he was unemployed.

Jealous isn’t even the right word for how I feel. I’m amazed.  I’m speechless (although I appear to be doing just fine in finding plenty to say).  I’m downright proud.

But mostly…I’m jealous.

I remember reading a while back about a guy who had ridden Expedition Everest (a Disney World roller coaster) nearly 4,000 times.  That was also impressive, but not nearly as impressive to this man’s dedication to a themed amusement park.

Well, actually…I have no clue how frequent the Everest guy’s visits were.

Okay, to be real here…I’m just amazed that these people have the time.

I mean, even if I were to live within a couple minutes of either of these world renowned tourist traps which I love so dearly, there’s simply no way I would be able to put in that kind of dedication.  Or money.

The money…Like seriously, where does the money come from?  Jerf was unemployed when he started his process back in 2012.  Now, if he went for the full on annual pass which has no blockout dates, meaning he would be able to go whenever the heck he wanted, that was $650 (today it costs over $1000).  That alone is a huge drop in the bucket when you don’t have a job.

But it’s not impossible.  And there’s definitely a possibility he had the pass before he stopped being employed.  Yet there’s still so much to consider.  Food isn’t cheap there…well, you could bring in your own food, I suppose, which would make that less of an issue.  And he wouldn’t have to stay there during meal times if it’s a daily pilgrimage…But drinks, you have to drink on those hot Los Angeles days…although you can get water free…

But the gas to get there every day.  It says he lives in Huntington Beach, which is over 20 miles each way!  In LA traffic, nonetheless!  Of course, there is the public transit system which will get him pretty much directly from point a to point b, which isn’t that pricey, and, I haven’t looked, but I’m guessing there’s some sort of frequent flyer program in place for that as well…

But…

Okay, actually, I’m coming up with a loss of ways in which his idea isn’t amazing.  Even at the current cost of $1049 a year, that works out to about $3 a day.  $3 a day for entertainment is less than most people pay for cable…and he’s getting to hobknob with folks like The Mad Hatter and Alice.

I’m beginning to think this guy might be the smartest man I’ve ever met.  He’s beat the system.

I guess I have to move closer to Anaheim now…

 

Fat Mogul vs. Envy

Hi, my name is Adam Oster, and I am an envy-holic.

Okay, so, I know my life is pretty darn awesome.  I’m fairly certain there are folks out there who envy it.  And I’m definitely happy with the majority of it.

But…I have so many friends who are doing things I wish I was doing or wish I was capable of doing.

Or, so I think sometimes.

Alright, so, to start, the inspiration for today’s post comes from a moment last week when I realized that a friend from high school is starring in the upcoming season of Big Brother (yeah, I didn’t realize it was still on the air either!).  My immediate thought was, “(whining internal monologue) I wish I could be on Big Brother!”.

Which, for the record, isn’t true one single bit.  Not only am I certain I would kick myself off the show within the first few seconds of dealing with the manipulation I’m fairly certain is a strong part of the show, but I’m really not one who wants to be on camera constantly.  Although I love the creative arts, the fame which sometimes comes with it has never been a highlight of that love.  I sometimes find myself appreciating my relative obscurity because it allows me to just be me.

And I don’t think that initial response I had is necessarily all that different from what other folks might have for a response.  It’s the basic grass-is-greener mentality that all too often becomes our initial thought process when seeing that other people have something we don’t.  And, I want to note that this wasn’t a long period of wishing I could be the one to be in the Big Brother house (or whatever term it has…I think I watched one episode once…).  It was an immediate response which was followed by an immediate laughter at myself for the absurdity of the thought.

But, that immediate, albeit fleeting, envy got me thinking about other Keeping up With the Jones’ moments I have in my life.  Quite particularly would be how I spent two weekends ago at a local music festival called Eaux Claires watching people like Chance the Rapper, Francis and the Lights, and Paul “Freakin'” Simon play music a few minutes from the town I have spent the last 20 years of my life.

I thoroughly enjoyed myself, but I remember going into the event with a bit of a dark cloud hanging over me.  Not a huge one, but it was there.  You see, this show was organized by a fellow many might know as Bon Iver.  A local to Eau Claire who managed to hit it big in the music scene (well, you know, big enough to partner up with folks like Kanye West and have a couple of Grammys to his name).

Inside me, not overtly, there was this thought of “(whining internal monologue)I want to run my own music festival!”.

Which, for the record, I don’t.

So, slight background here, Justin and I, for a brief period, ran in some loosely connected circles.  I don’t remember him at all from any of that, and have had to be reminded multiple times by my wife of how we did cross paths.  It’s not like I know the guy or anything.  Heck, when we went to his debut album release party (the one he happened to win a Grammy with), I kept asking my wife why we were going to see this guy I didn’t know at this bar the two of us never liked going to and she would remind me of how we had seen him playing in a different band with one of our friends on a number of occasions.  When his song showed up on a tv show a few months later and my wife noted it excitedly, my response was “Who?”.

I note my obliviousness only to highlight how little my connection to Justin was/is.  Yet, when heading into that music festival, that green little envy monster wanted to scream about how this guy I was loosely connected with had achieved all this success.

I’m proud of Justin.  I really am.  It’s amazing to me that anyone I have any connection with could have reached the level of notoriety he has.

But here’s the thing, I get the same feeling with many of my friends, many of whose success levels aren’t nearly as great.  Like the other guy I saw playing music in that same basement so long ago who has a thriving arts magazine/community development center(Not entirely certain that’s an appropriate label for what his organization has been up to, but I’m sticking with it).  Or my brother-in-law whose effects pedals and synthesizers are used by folks in Nine Inch Nails and Beck and so many other world-renowned bands.  Or another friend of mine from high school whose animation work has ended up being used by Kevin Smith. Or the —

The list literally goes on and on, because not only do I find that I have some incredibly successful friends, or at least friends who are doing amazing things, but this green monster comes out whenever I see someone doing well.  Heck, just seeing that a friend of mine has released another book causes that monster to crop up again.

Each time the little monster appears is just brief before I realize that it’s my response to people achieving their goals, or at least getting closer to them.  There’s a pride that comes up immediately after, which is followed by my own motivation to push myself further forward.  People who are “less-successful” than me still cause that same response.

Because it’s not actually about success. It’s about creativity.  There’s this ripple effect that shoots through me (not unlike a disturbance in the Force) which reminds me that I’m part of this same creative force and I haven’t been pulling my own weight.

I have some amazingly talented friends and I am so incredibly proud of them. But the response to seeing their talents and their successes is not entirely envy, but inspiration.

When I watched Justin on stage with John Prine and…well, he kinda brought every single person he could up on the stage including his sister, my thought wasn’t actually that I wish I was in his place, or that I deserve it better than him.  It was this feeling of how much more I could be doing.

So, friends and family and minor acquaintances, all of you, keep pushing me forward.  It really really helps.  Even if it might cause me to be thinking of my next project while you’re listening to a love letter from Michael Perry on stage with every musician you could cram up there.

But the reality here is, fame is not what I’m envious of.  It’s your creativity and your ability to focus it into whatever art form you’re using.  And envy is really a terrible word to use, because it’s more just a wish that I could dedicate my energies even more to my own creative pursuits.  While also being damned proud of what you’ve done with yours.

Have fun out there and keep being awesome!

 

Jack to the Future Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Jack Joins the Chase

“What?” Jack asked staring as his brother climbed back into the vehicle as if no further answers were necessary.

Wade noticed his brother wasn’t coming along and exited the vehicle.

“Come on, Jack!” he said excitedly.  “We’ve got a job to do!”

“Where did you get this car?”

“From some guy at the bar, now come on!”

“And where are you wanting to go?”

“To The Butcher!”

“Yeah, I get that, but I’m pretty sure there aren’t many butchers open at this time of night.”

“But we’re not going to be in this time of night, we’re going back to the past!”

“I thought you said we were going to the butcher.”

“You’re just overly complicating things, Jack.  Come on!”

“It’s late, Wade, and I apparently just lost a few hours of my life to a stupid conversation on a movie forum.  I’d rather just get some sleep.”

“But there’s no time to waste!”

“The past isn’t going anywhere.”

“Well, um, no, I guess you’re right.  But that guy, he disappeared.  What if we’re going to disappear next?”

“How much did you drink tonight, Wade?  You sure you should be driving?”

“I just had one beer.  I’m totally fine to drive.”

“Yeah, that’s what they all say.”

“You really are going to make this difficult, aren’t you?” Wade frowned.

“I’m just thinking I don’t really want to go off joyriding in a stolen vehicle, especially if going along with a drunk driver.”

“I’m not drunk!” Wade defended.  “But you know what, if it will make you feel any better, you can drive.”

“What would make me feel better is if I didn’t have a stolen car sitting in my driveway.  It’s not like the cops are going to question whether or not this is the stolen DeLorean they’re looking for.”

“It’s not stolen, I promise.  The guy who disappeared said it was mine.”

“And how do you know he didn’t steal it.”

“Because—well, actually, I guess I don’t know.”

“Right, so, why don’t you park the car in the garage, we can call the cops, and hope they take it easy on us.”

“Or…” Wade began, grinning wildly, “we could drive it back to Frankie’s and see if we can find the owner.”

“And what do we do if the cops find us driving the car they’re obviously out looking for?”

“The better question is what do we do when they find the car they’re looking for in our driveway?”

“Good point.”

“I know.”

“Okay, so, you think you can find the owner if we go back to Frankie’s?” Jack asked skeptically.

“At the very least, it would be better to leave it sitting in front of the bar when we call the cops instead of in front of our house.”

“Okay, fine.  But I’m only going along with you on this because I don’t think you should be driving.”

“Perfect!” Wade shouted.  He ran around the car and entered the passenger side.

Jack slowly ambled to the driver’s seat and climbed in, shutting the door behind him.  He looked at the dashboard, as well as all of the other dials and screens scattered around the center console.

“What the heck is all this?”

“No clue,” Wade answered.  “I was guessing it had something to do with time travel.”

“Right,” Jack nodded with an annoyed grimace.  “Time travel.  Well, let’s time travel to a few minutes from now when we can offload this vehicle and make sure no one sees us.”

“Great.  We should probably go really fast then,” Wade offered, hopefully.

“What?” Jack scowled.  “And draw extra attention to ourselves?  We’re already driving one of the most conspicuous cars possible.  I think back roads and speed limits are our best options.”

Wade growled in annoyance.  He knew the trick to the car was they needed to go fast.  That way they could go back in time and help the weird man he had seen.  But how to convince his brother of that?

Jack turned the key and the car fired back to life.  He backed out of the driveway slowly, turned around, and drove off into the night down their darkened street.

“Wouldn’t you like to see what this baby can do?  It’s not every day you get to drive a DeLorean,” Wade offered.

“If we can find the owner, I’m more than willing to ask him if we can take it out for a real test drive, but you know I can’t afford to get another mark on my record.”

“Right, so maybe I should drive? My license is free and clear.”

“Nice try, bro.”

“Fine, but you could at least go the speed limit,” Wade said as he fiddled with the dials attached to the box with red digital numbers displayed on its readout.

“Don’t screw with that,” Jack scolded.  “What if you break something and we have to pay for it.”

“Jeez, Jack,” Wade frowned, “just chill.”

Jack growled in frustration.  “Fine, just don’t break anything, okay?”

“You know me, I’m always cautious.”

Jack decided not to respond to the statement and focused on the road.  The streets were empty, which felt odd.  He looked at the clock.  Well, he looked at several different digital readouts before he found what he thought was the clock.  Twenty minutes past eleven didn’t seem like it should be late enough for the roads to be so empty.

Maybe it was Daylight Savings or something.

Jack hated forgetting about Daylight Savings.  Two times a year he would always be late for everything.

“Where are you going, Jack?” Wade asked.  “Frankie’s is right up here.”

“Oh,” Jack said, shaking himself back to focus.  “Sorry, I was thinking about something.”

“Pull over here.  We don’t want to risk people seeing us come out,” Wade said as he considered how he had been shot at just a few minutes prior.

“Good call,” Jack said, following his brother’s advice.

They came to a stop and Jack hopped out of the vehicle.  Wade stayed in his seat.

“Come on, Wade.  You’re not going to find the owner hiding anywhere in there.”

Wade, without a word, slowly opened the door, looking in every direction as he worked his way out of the interior of the car.

“What the hell is up with you today, Wade?” Jack asked.  “Come on.  I don’t have all night.”

“It’s just that—“ Wade cut himself off, not knowing how to explain that someone might have been shooting at him.  If he didn’t believe the time travel, or the disappearing man, Wade couldn’t see how he’d believe being shot at.

Wade stood upright and ran quickly for the nearby wall, pressing himself against it.

BAM!

Wade squealed and fell to the ground.

“Seriously, what is going on with you, Wade?” Jack asked as he walked to his brother.

“That sound—“

“I was just closing the car door you decided to leave open.”

“Oh, yeah.  Of course.  Sorry.  Just a little jumpy, I guess.”

BAM!

Wade fell to the ground again.  Jack looked around to find the source of the sound.

“Was that a gun?” Jack asked.

Wade, without responding, ran back to the car and jumped in.  He climbed over to the driver’s seat.

“Wade?” Jack asked, slowly walking to the vehicle.

“Come with me if you want to live!” Wade screamed, turning the key in the ignition as it fired back to life.

BAM!

Jack looked around wildly, starting to realize that he may, actually, be hearing gunfire.  At the corner of a nearby building, he saw a man in tall black hat, wearing a three piece suit, holding what appeared to be a rather large pistol, pointed directly at Jack.

Fat Mogul vs. Weeding

Someone said something once that went something along the lines of “Weeds are just plants growing in the wrong place.”

But who the heck gave them squatter’s rights?

Seriously, the image I share here, that’s the current state of my garden.

Now, yes, my garden might be a little bit of overkill.  It’s approximately 4,400 sq feet.  Add onto that how we are still in the midst of moving into this new place, tearing down some buildings that our insurance company isn’t a fan of, training a new puppy, housetraining a 2-year old, and, you know, just trying to, in general, live our lives…you’ll see that this is an insurmountable task.

You may also see, in the picture, that’ we’ve now given up on actually weeding the entire plot and utilizing plastic to remediate some of the overgrown weeds. My hopes are high, but even this process is going to take way too long to see any real success.

Because weeds are much worse than just plants growing in the wrong place.  Weeds are evil demons intent of devouring your soul to ensure that you determine gardening is not something you could ever enjoy.

Weeds are the absolute devil, making everything else in your life have to wait as you deal with these simply unwanted plants who are trying to devour the lifeblood of your fruits and vegetables so as to ensure you will go hungry.

That’s right people, we need to wake up.  Weeds aren’t innocent little seeds that fell in the wrong area, weeds are the bullies of the plant kingdom.  Actually, bully might be oversimplifying it.  They are straight up murderers.

And the best thing I’ve got against them is a big sheet of plastic…

So, today’s post is going to be short.  I’ve got some weeds to make pay for their crimes.

Have fun out there!

Fat Mogul vs Bill Nye

I’ve been making my way through Bill Nye’s new series Bill Nye Saves the World for the past week.  Aaaand… I was actually somewhat hesitant to watch it.  I loved Bill Nye the Science Guy as a kid.  Ate that stuff up.  But I feared Bill’s modern public persona is a little too political and a lot less fun.  I get it, science is a hot political topic right now, and his efforts to get people to treat the world better are certainly something I can stand behind. I just tend to get a little tired of preachy science.  I say that while admitting I thoroughly enjoyed Al Gore’s An Inconvenient Truth.

But, my love of the kooky Bill Nye of Science Guy fame from my childhood won out and I added it to my Netflix queue.

And I’m really enjoying the watch.  At the time of this writing, I’ve flown through ten of the thirteen episodes, which is impressive for a guy like me who doesn’t have a lot of spare time for television at the moment.  There’s so much to really sink your teeth into and enjoy.  Bill brings back many of the things you loved about him as The Science Guy: the goofy dad jokes, the corny segments, and simple science experiments.

The correspondents, in general, really shine as they go out and look at the current state of affairs in science.  Karlie Kloss and Derek Muller are amazing standouts.  I was actually quite surprised when Karlie stated she was a model, enough to go look her up and find out that is her primary occupation. But her approach to the topics she’s given is so solid and fair and methodical that I can’t help but wonder if she may have had a better calling in the STEM fields if it weren’t for those cheek bones.

But…

Unsurprisingly, the first episode talks about climate change.  I tend to be of the “does it really matter if climate change is happening if we can be totally aware that we are treating our planet like crap?” line of thinking. By this I mean, you don’t have to look very hard to see ways in which we are not being super awesome with our planet, ways in which we are definitely making things difficult for it to keep on existing in a way that is habitable for humans.  Climate change science is definitely a way of proving how we’re treating our planet poorly and how it’s going in the crapper, but seriously, just look at what we’re doing.  When things like fracking can cause literal fire to come out of shower heads when someone is expecting water, I think it’s easy to see we’re screwing something up.

Climate change is a solid topic to start a series called Bill Nye Save the World.

But I couldn’t help but think the episode did very little in the way of actually, you know, sciencing climate change.  He did spend a moment showing how climate change can cause the oceans to rise, albeit through an incredibly simplistic look at what all is going on (which is understandable), but most of it was just saying, “Hey, Climate Change is a thing!  We need to be better!”.  I thought the discussion regarding how we know climate change is a thing was rather soft, but we got to learn about cool things like how Venice dealing with their constantly rising water problems.  Overall, the episode was rather fun, and introduced us to the format of this new show rather well.

The next episode talked about alternative medicine and I found myself cringing a lot more.  Although there were a couple comments sprinkled in about how all the things we lump under the label of alternative medicines aren’t the same, the show treated them as all being exactly the same.  They used a segment of one of their correspondents visiting a man who screams at pain as one of their primary examples of alternative medicine…and then spent a while laughing at him afterwards, which felt unnecessarily mean, as well as trivializing so much of what else falls under the heading of alternative medicine.  Not once did they mention things like how acupuncture or chiropractic methods are being used in hospitals today, although not exactly backed up by medical science.  They just kinda lumped them all together and said, if not at least inferred, that they’re all hokum.

And then, as if to prove it, he took a bottle of milk of magnesia and a bottle of some home remedy heartburn medication, and looked to see which reduced the acidity of a acidic glass of water.  Obviously, the milk of magnesia worked and the home remedy didn’t…but they worked under the assumption that both remedies are intended to have the same activity.  I don’t know much about the specific home remedy in question, but chewing gum is another home remedy for heartburn.  It doesn’t reduce the stomach’s acidity directly, it stimulates your salivary glands, which can help thin out/wash away the acid in your stomach.  You put the gum in that water, it’s not going to show that activity.  Using the science used in the show, you’re comparing apples and oranges and choosing the winner by which one has more orange peel.

He even had a proponent of alternative medicines on his panel of experts, who got cut off every time he tried to discuss alternative medicines currently being reviewed by science for medicinal use.  And I’m going to be incredibly nitpicky here, but one of these experts used the statement of “but that’s ultrasound, not sound” to debate him…Yeah, she was corrected, but still…seriously?

But I was still willing to go along with it.  Sure, I may have disagreed with his premise, and I didn’t think he did a very good job of supporting it with his science, but the basic message was still worthwhile, which was, very basically, don’t believe every crazy thing you hear.

The third episode didn’t really get into that much of conflict, other than completely brushing under the rug that there could be any sort of negative impact with artificial intelligence.  Mostly it was showcasing current cool technology and where it could go in the future.  I can totally get behind that.

The fourth episode is where I found myself losing faith in the science guy.  The discussion was about GMOs.  And to be fair, the overall message was that not all GMOs are bad.  I can stand behind that.  But a large portion of the discussion was about people who don’t want GMO food, and I couldn’t help but feel that the focus was to poke fun at them.  This was made incredibly apparent by their Jay Leno-style interviewing people at the farmer’s markets about GMOs.  You know, grabbing people in the middle of their routing to get detailed thoughts about a highly scientific concept.  You’re going to get some gold there…comedic gold anyways.

Their panel included a guy from Monsanto, who Bill joked about being an evil corporation, even mentioning things like Agent Orange, but overall trying to show they aren’t that bad…I’m fairly certain all the organic farmers being sued just because some Roundup Ready seeds from neighboring farms wound up on their property would disagree…And, seed patenting…and the overall fears of their efforts to completely reduce biodiversity in agriculture…

But ignoring all of that, what really got me was Bill’s main statement, repeated at least a couple of times during the show, to state how he knows GMOs are okay.

“I’ve been eating GMOs for decades now and look at me, I’m good.”

Sounds like something someone in the pocket of a GMO-producing corporation would say.  I’m fairly certain the same thing was said about cigarettes for decades.  I once saw an interview with an 80-something year old man who only ate hot dogs and never got sick…is that science enough to say we should all be on a hot dog only diet? Well, no…not according to his episode on fad diets which laughs at such anecdotal evidence.

And the show mostly continues in the same way.  Presenting science concepts and mostly laughing at those who think differently.  Which gives the show something of a dark tone.  But more than that, it causes me to question Bill’s actual intention.  Is he really working to save the world, or is he simply working as an entertainer here.  The episode brought to us by Monsanto definitely makes it seem like there could be a possibility he could be bought…

The show is fun.  And if you don’t look at it as an actual attempt to do anything more than have some fun with science, it’s worthwhile.  But saving the world…I’m thinking it might be more about saving his career.

Which is silly, because his team-ups with Neil DeGrasse Tyson have made him more of a household name that he’s seen since he started eating GMOs.

Interestingly enough, however, was that his episode on vaccinations was, in my opinion, particularly well put together.  There didn’t appear to be any poking fun at anti-vaccers.  There was an incredibly well thought out and presented model of herd immunization, and overall, the episode did a great job of presenting both sides of the argument, while attempting to sway people to vaccinate without resorting to making those who disagree feel like they are idiots.

In fact, the vaccination episode is the perfect example of what I think this show could/should be.

Yet, all in all, I really enjoyed the show.  Maybe some of these issues are merely the problems with developing a new show, finding that perfect blend between comedy and science.  Since we’ve already got a season two ordered, there’s a great chance that we’ll see more episodes like the vaccination episode and the space episode yet to come.

Jack to the Future – Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The Missing Hours

“I’m good, just don’t stay out too late,” Jack said.

Wade frowned at his brother, but opened the door and left, hoping his brother might have a change of heart when he realized he was actually going without him.

 

A relatively quick bus ride later, and he was at Frankie’s.  The bartender poured him a cold glass of ale, and Wade sipped on it as he looked around the bar for someone to entertain him, since he was alone.  He noticed a couple of girls by the pool tables looking like they were having a good time.

He stood from the barstool just as a man with wild hair ran into the bar and yelled, “Which one of you is Wade Skeeler?”

Wade wasn’t sure if this might be some sort of trick, so he looked around as if he wasn’t aware.

“You!” the man in a white lab coat said, pointing at Wade.  “Wade!  You have to come with me!”

Wade looked behind him, hoping there might be another man the odd man was pointing to.  The only thing behind him was a jukebox, which Wade was fairly certain wouldn’t work as an appropriate alternative to himself.

“What are you doing, boy?  We haven’t got time to waste!”

“Look, pal,” Wade said, sitting back down on his stool.  “I just got here, so whatever beef you might have, I’m sure it’s not with me.”

“Cows have nothing to do with this.  This is for the future of all mankind.  If you don’t come with me right now, you can be certain all hope is lost!”

“Come on, boys,” the bartender said to the both of them.  “I run a quiet bar in here, okay?  If you’ve got any funny business, take it outside.”

“Yes!” the excited man shouted.  “Outside!”

Wade looked at the bartender, hopeful he could convince him that the two of them were not together and that he would much rather go talk to the girls playing beer.  But his frantic eyebrow waggling did nothing but convince the bartender more of their connection.

“Go on,” he said to Wade.  “Get out of here.”

Wade took one final glance back to the girls, saw they were staring at him, with smirks on their faces.  He could tell it was now a lost cause.  He picked up his glass, downed his half a beer in one gulp, and walked to the odd man.

“I don’t know what you want, but I promise you I don’t have any money.”

“Your money is no good to me.  Come along!”

And with an unsteady spin, he turned to the door and flung it open, stepping out into the night air with a wide stride which made him look like a flamingo.  Wade decided this man was probably not as dangerous as he was kooky.  He shrugged his shoulders and decided to see where the night might take him.

As he stepped out, he found the man standing next to a sight Wade had long wished to behold.  A perfect specimen of a DMC-12 DeLorean.  Both of the gull wing doors were open and a whole series of wild flashing lights could be seen on the inside.

“Whoa,” Wade gasped.  “I have to admit, I was a little worried you might be wanting to serve me papers or something.  Did Jack set you up to this?”

“Right, Jack!” the man said, as though suddenly remembering.  “Where is your brother?”

“I don’t know, probably at home. Are you saying he didn’t set you up to this?”

“Then home is where we have to go.  Then we have somewhere else to go.”

“Okay,” Wade said slowly.  “I’m willing to see where this whole thing goes.  Can I drive?”

“Of course you can drive.  It’s your car after all.”

“Now I know this is all some kind of joke, but if I get to drive a DeLorean, I’m willing to play along.”

Wade excitedly ran to the driver’s side of the steel-covered vehicle.  He sat down in the black leather seat and felt an excitement well up within him that he hadn’t felt since he learned there were deep fried oreos at the fair.

He turned the key in the ignition and the vehicle fired to life.  The wild-haired man sat down in the seat next to him and they both closed the gull wing doors.

“Okay, first we pick up my brother, then where?” Wade asked the man.

“October 23rd, 1851,” the man answered.  “We have to talk to William Poole, a man known as The Butcher.  He’s holding a friend of mine hostage because I stopped a fight.”

“Wait, what?  1851?  You’re kidding me, right?”

“No, and if we don’t move quickly, I fear he may come here and try to—“

The passenger side door was pulled open and a big burly man glared down into the car at the odd passenger.  Without a word, the big man pulled the other out of the car and began beating him ruthlessly on the pavement.  Wade opened the door to assist his newfound companion, only to watch as he and the large man disappeared into thin air.

As they were disappearing, the wild-haired man shouted to Wade, “Remember, October 23rd, 1851.  If you don’t come, all hope is lost!”

Wade stared at the empty pavement, wondering what this could all possibly mean.  Was he dreaming?  Had someone slipped something into his drink?

Gun shots fired from a nearby building, ricocheting off the body of the car.  Wade jumped back into the vehicle and tore off into the night toward his home.

He arrived at his house and found Jack standing outside the front door, looking confused.  The car screeched to a halt in their driveway and Wade jumped out.  Although he knew he was in danger, he couldn’t help but grin at the fact that he had just been driving a DeLorean.  He leapt out of the car.

“Jack, you’ve got to come back with me!” Wade shouts as he runs from the DeLorean to his brother’s side.

“Where?”

“Back to The Butcher!”