Naty Matos's Blog, page 42
October 17, 2012
Finding Safety in the Storm
By Shelley Hitz
Today I felt like I needed safety from the storm swirling in my life right now. I sensed God say to me that He is here with me and that I can find safety and refuge in Him…even when I feel like everything around me is uncertain and feels unsafe.
“The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.” Psalm 18:2
I have a picture of what that “safe refuge” looks like for me. There may be times when I have to go out in the storm and get wet and cold. But I know that God is always with me. He will never leave me or forsake me. And whenever I need rest, our safe place is waiting for us. I pictured that safe refuge as a warm inviting cave where I am protected from the storms. God offers me warmth by the fire to dry off and food for my soul. He says, “Come to me all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest for your souls.”
He walks with me. He doesn’t stay behind in the cave. He will be with me to give me the strength and wisdom I need to navigate this storm. Storms come and go and I can’t predict when they will come.
This is a storm that has entered my life. I wasn’t expecting or planning my dad to be assaulted resulting in a coma and a severe brain injury. But, now I have to deal with it. Kind of like floods, wild fires, hurricanes and earthquakes are unexpected disasters that leave behind so much damage.
I feel like my life is in rubble again. It feels as if my heart is broken and hurting.
Rebuilding After a “Storm”
This is what I sensed God saying to me in my journal today:
“Shelley, you may feel like your life is in rubble again, but realize that I am able to ‘restore what the locusts have eaten’ and I am the Ultimate Rebuilder of hearts and lives. As we work together at ‘rebuilding the walls’ of your life, there will be a greater and deeper beauty seen in you than was evident before. I am able to bring good out of any situation…I am about healing and restoring the brokenhearted. Beloved, your heart has been broken, but as we rebuild and restore the brokenness within you, there will be a beauty that far exceeds anything you could have imagined before. Trust me. Hold on to my hand as we walk through this storm together. Come take shelter with me and find refuge in me. And surrender your broken heart to me. I am the Healer and Restorer of broken hearts.”
And so, today I found that peaceful place again. That safe refuge. I’m not sure how long this storm will rage, but I do know that I can always find safety in Him in the midst of it all. And I am given the hope of a promise today. The promise of rebuilding after the storm….the rebuilding of my broken heart.
“He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.”Psalm 147:3
“He has sent me to bind up the broken hearted.”Isaiah 61:1
This was an excerpt from “Finding Hope in the Midst of Tragedy” which is free on Amazon 10/17-10/19/12 here: www.amazon.com/dp/B008RSQFJC. During this special promotion, you can also download 19 other Christian books and enter to win a $25 Amazon gift certificate here: www.bodyandsoulpublishing.com/sale.
Shelley Hitz is an author and speaker. Her main passion is to share God’s truth 
and the freedom in Christ she has found with others. She does this through her books, websites and speaking engagements. Shelley’s openness and vulnerability, as she shares her own story of hope and healing, will inspire and encourage you. You can find out more about Shelley and connect with her online at www.ShelleyHitz.com or invite her to speak at your event at: www.ChristianSpeakers.tv.
October 16, 2012
Announcement: Today on TV
WATC-DT (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Just letting all my readers know that I will be interviewed on the television show “Friends and Neighbors” on WATC, a local Christian television station in Atlanta Ga. This show is a Christian version of the program “The View” and my book The Road Home will be featured on it.
The show was recorded on September 13th. But will transmit today at 4:30pm EST. I am very humbled and grateful for this great opportunity and it would be great if you guys had the opportunity to tune in. You may think how can I tune in if I’m outside of the Atlanta area? The TV station has a live stream at www.watc.tv
I don’t only look forward to this opportunity for to hear from all of you who are able to tune in.
Many blessings
Naty
“Aimee is a constant positive influence in Desiree’s life, gently demonstrating God’s love and mercy. ”Mary Anne Benedetto
“I would recommend The Road Home to any romantic, any lover of books, anyone struggling with forgiveness, anyone. ”cynthia
October 15, 2012
Fetal Position
We have another powerful story of surviving domestic violence today on The Rising Muse. Very powerful and inspiring. Thank you Kia so much and God bless you!
by Kia Richardson Edited by Penda James
Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not 
arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek it’s own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)
Like many I ignored the warning signs. That first blow could have been my last blow. I should have left him once he started to tell me what to do. The abuse only got worse.
The first time he hit me we were sitting in his mother’s living room. He had his eyes closed while we watched TV. I changed the channel because he dozed off. Once he realized I wasn’t watching what he wanted to watch he slapped me. I felt wind from his hand of steel flying across my face as if the window was open, then I felt the heat as if I was just burned by an iron. My face tingled for a long while after that.
The tears rolled down my face as he yelled, “who told you to change my channel?” It was then I curled over in the fetal position too scared to fight back.
His mother, upset from the sound of what she heard asked, “What was that?”
I looked at him in fear of what would happen if I told the truth. He told her, “I smacked her.”
“You better not ever put your hands on her again!” I thought his mother put some fear in him, but I was wrong. So wrong.
When I got pregnant a few months later at seventeen I called Mr. Fine to tell him the news. He did not deny the baby, but he was angry. He simply said, “What did I tell you about having kids?” He had told me if I had the baby “we would both end up in a pine box.” I was under 18 and needed a parent to have an abortion. I was too scared to tell my mother but he had the perfect plan. “Use my sister’s school ID and my mother will take you.” He didn’t even pay for the surgery.
When his mother picked me up, she asked if I was nervous. I knew when he got off if I was still pregnant there was going to be trouble so I acted as if everything was alright even when we walked up the steps and the inside made me cringe. It didn’t smell bad but I kept thinking how easily the receptionist was smiling and laughing like murder wasn’t going on in the next room. I signed in and almost put my real name. I had to hurry and scratch it before she realized I wasn’t the light-skinned girl on the school ID. I thought the picture would save me; I had to be four shades darker than she was. It didn’t, she responded flatly, “We will be with you in 20 minutes.” I went to sit next to his mother.
She rubbed my back and told me I would be fine and didn’t have anything to worry about. “The young lady he dated right before you went through the same procedure.” He lied!
In an argument with my sister two months later, she blurted out what I had done. My mother showed NO emotion, she went to her room as we followed order. Of course with my two year old baby on my hip I continued to date him. Even though he did not start hitting me right away, the verbal abuse still continued. I would call two of my good friends and tell them “if anything happened to me, he did it.”
On one occasion he answered the phone at my mother’s house. Whoever the guy was on the phone asked for me, he threw the phone and said “it’s for you.”
“Who is it?”
“Some guy.”
I looked at the caller ID but did not recognize the number. His red face showed obvious signs that he was upset. He jumped in his car and sped off to retrieve a gun from his mother’s house. She asked where he was going and he told her he was going to kill me. She wrestled him to the ground and called 9-1-1. He spent a few days on the psychiatric ward at a local hospital giving him time to strengthen his belief that I was cheating.
When he came home he said that things would change and like most of you I wanted to believe him. Nothing changed, it got worse. Most of our arguments would start because I didn’t get back in time or arrive when he thought I should. He knew how many miles I worked from the house and how long it should take me to get home. On some nights I took a retreat at a friend’s apartment, the only place he did not know about.
After high school I started classes at the Community College. He was so controlling he dropped me off and picked me up. I could only get to ten minutes before class started and he was always there when I got out. He made sure I had no social life: when I was free he made plans for us to spend time together, or for me to drive him to make his drug sales. I would sit around with a room full of guys and they passed blunts like hotcakes. If the other men brought a woman that day I would sit and talk to her about the latest fashion. I didn’t really have time to study I had to be free when he needed me to go.
Things started to go downhill with his drug usage and the putdowns became stronger. I worked for a bank at the time and we had an office Holiday Party. As I was getting ready he shot down everything I tried to wear. He was high and drunk. “Your smile is ugly because of your chipped tooth.” That stung. “No one will ever want someone like you.”
I told him I didn’t want him to go with me because he was “on another level.”
“If I don’t go you’re not going.” He took the keys and hid them from me which forced me to need him to drive. On the ride there we swerved in and out of traffic missing two cars by inches. I was thankful we made it over the dark back roads covered with ice with him being intoxicated.
I was embarrassed. He yelled at me the whole night, I hoped they would find out that the man who bought me roses and jewelry was psycho-path control freak.
My boyfriend constantly reminded me that he had guns and no desire to go back to jail. He told me one time he would kill both of us if I tried to leave. That’s when I realized I wasn’t safe, he knew where I worked, where my family lived and where my friends lived. No matter where I went he was able to show up and scare me out of the office with his threats of harm if I didn’t follow his directions. I tried to protect the people around me so I did what I was told.
One night we went out for a night on the town, this was his way of saying I’m sorry for what I did or what I’m about to do. We returned home only to find someone broke into our apartment. They stole the scale the dope was cooked on and two hand guns. I feared for my safety, it was no longer just about him, all his friends knew I was his woman.
I tried to leave once. “I’m tired of this roller coaster and I want out.” My talks of leaving left him to talk about marriage so I would stay.
“Where are you going? Everything in the apartment is mine. My mother gave us the furniture and my money paid for the 50 inch television. I was “hood rich,” living with nice things, a diamond ring, a fat herringbone necklace, designer bags and cute clothes. I got dressed in my room sometimes in the dark. I would fix my hair in the car, using the rear view mirror. I was going to the hairdresser and he would often remind me, “You didn’t have hair like that when we first got together and it still doesn’t take away from your chipped tooth.”
When he went to jail for selling drugs I finally was able to break free. I got my teeth fixed and people started telling me how nice my smile was. I smile daily even when I don’t feel like it, just because I realize they are contagious and makes you look better.
If I didn’t say what he wanted to hear we would always end up near the back pack where he kept a shot gun made by one of his customers. I knew he always said he wasn’t going back to jail. I then became a slave in my own house. After he would calm down as I lay in the fetal position scared of what would happen. I knew to do what he wanted before I ended up backed in the room with the back pack, which was on the top shelf, close enough to grab but far enough that if I tried to kick him in the groin.
After long nights in the street he would come home and tap me on my shoulder. I would squeeze my butt cheeks together tightly praying he would not try to get some. He would rub my shoulders, and try other sensual things even though I would push him away. Not sure of his temper I would reluctantly comply. He would force oral sex by putting his penis across my face while I was sleeping. I would turn away curling into the fetal position wondering when the pain would ever end and wanting to die. I felt violated on those nights. I never realized that my lack of consent meant he was raping me.
Since I wasn’t the best looking girl and my tooth was chipped I stayed with him thinking I would never get anyone this fine again. So I swallowed my pride and took the name calling and the put downs. When I looked in the mirror I hated the sight of myself, my hair was chewed up and wouldn’t grow. The only thing I had going for me was my body that all the guys drooled over. I had more sex offers than any other girl in school. I was beat down, broke busted and disgusted. I was anger, bitter and mad at the world. I looked to heaven to see if there was a God and if so when he was going to rescue me from the nightmare I was living.
The end came in the spring of 2000. I was nineteen years old and had just signed the closing paperwork on a house he thought I would be wise to purchase. My mother told me NOT to do it, but I thought he knew it all. I would often think about hurting him like he had hurt me but I never had the nerve to do it. He kept guns in the house so I had access to his weapons, I just didn’t know how to shoot them. On May 15, he found something to argue about before he went to pick his Aunt up from work. When he wanted to leave me at home he would always start an argument about something silly to “clear his mind.” This day his mind was full of a lot of thoughts and getting rid of me must have been at the top of the list.
I told him to put me and my daughter out of the car; he pulled over and did just that before driving home to get his red and black backpack with his gun in it. He stood in the drive-way pointed the gun at me and asked, ”Do you want me to spray your ass?”
I said no and took off running with my daughter on my side. Down the street two men who were outside working on a house asked if I wanted their help. I told them I didn’t want them to get hurt because of my foolishness. They never left, even when he pulled up, jumped out of the car and pointed the gun at me. I closed my eyes because I didn’t want to see what was going to happen. I asked that he not harm my daughter she was innocent and didn’t do anything to him. He got in the car and his tires started skidding from the speed. As I ran down the street all I could think was a bullet was going to come flying toward us.
The men asked if I was ok, and ran the opposite way. The police picked us up and asked where he went but I had no clue. He always said he wasn’t going back to jail, he said he would shoot at the police so they would kill him. They spotted his grey Cadillac with silver rims and let us out of the car. A lady driving past in a red car gave us a ride to my cousin’s house. I gave her some gas money and told her thank you a million times.
My cousin asked what was wrong and I told her “he is either dead or going to be dead.” She asked what I was talking about and before I could say another word my mother was on the phone looking for me, all the drama made breaking news on the local channels. He shot a lady cop in the neck, she was paralyzed and died two years later. They shot him eight times. That made my teenage years some of the most painful years of my life. I felt guilty, that a police officer who was doing her job got hurt.
After he was sober and had a chance to think. He did call to apologize to me. He told me he was never going to hurt me, he wanted to scare me. He was tired of me making threats to leave and didn’t know what it would be like without me. I did forgive him for his action and thankful I did being he is no longer here on earth. He died 10 years later from his injuries.
I want to encourage young ladies not to give so much so soon. If you ignore the warning signs and give away all of your information it will be hard to leave in the event he becomes violent at any stage in the relationship. Think about the one in four women who experience abuse from a spouse or boyfriend. If you have a friend in the situation I encourage you to be there for her just as my friend was for me. If you suspect a friend is being abused because you’ve noticed she can’t hang out, stops calling as much or just acts weird when he is around try not to cause a scene in front of him. If she opts not to talk about it still love on her in the best way.
Remember all women don’t get to walk away from domestic violence. Walk away before you’re carried away.
You can read more from Kia on her blog http://nomoreblows.wordpress.com/
October 12, 2012
From Honeymooner to Survivor
Today at The Rising Muse we have the story of author and breast cancer survivor Katherine Bown. Katherine found out that out that she had breast cancer during her honeymoon. Let’s read her story:
In December 2008 I got married when my life was great; I had a brilliant job as a Marketing Communications Manager, I ran website, I had a busy social life – basically I thrived off being under pressure.
Ten days later on my honeymoon I found a lump on my breast, then got diagnosed with an aggressive (grade 3) tumor ( breast cancer). I then spent the 1st year of my marriage going through 18 weeks of chemotherapy and 3 weeks radiotherapy.
When I finished treatment I went back to work but I wasn’t the same person as I previously was, I lasted a year at work and then I took VR – pretty much to search for ‘my purpose in life’ (I’d literally scour the net for ideas; going to change my job, looking at doing charity treks, how I could raise breast cancer awareness, fundraising – pretty much I did anything I could to change my life and give meaning to why the cancer didn’t take me!)
Cancer was a big surprise to me. There’s no history of breast cancer or any cancer in my family whatsoever. I was the first person to go through this journey.
It took 5 months of soul-searching when a friend suggested I set up my own marketing consultancy which I did and has been going great for a year.
I always wanted to write a book, but never knew what kind of book to write. A few months I finally figured it out. I could use my life experience to help family and friends of breast cancer sufferers; explaining in ‘my language’ all of the medical terms, how the breast cancer patient will react in certain situations, the side affects of treatment, how they can help along the way.
I have found my purpose in life, I want to help Mums, Sisters, Best Friend’s, Husbands and caretakers of those dealing with breast cancer. I want to share how important they are to those of us, whom they love, and have been diagnosed with breast cancer, after all I’ve got 1st hand experience at it!
Wow, Katherine! What a story! Thanks for sharing it with us.
If you want to read more about Katherine’s journey and would like more to get her book ‘Your Guide Through Her Breast Cancer Journey’
Her book is on Amazon for just $0.99 and the profits from her sales until 12/31/12 will go towards Breast Cancer Care. I think we can all spare to help.
More about Katherine Bown
Katherine was born Cardiff, South Wales, UK. She has worked in the marketing field for over 15 years. She was diagnosed at 33 years old with Stage 1, Grade 3 breast cancer in February 2009, after finding a lump in her breast while on honeymoon. She had 18 weeks of FEC chemotherapy, 3 weeks of Radiotherapy and is currently still taking Tamoxifen.Since completing treatment, she has given a lot of her time to supporting and fundraising for cancer research and breast cancer charities. Connect with Katherine on Twitter or Facebook
October 10, 2012
Meet Jim Doe and Jane Smith
By Anonymous Author
Two young people are especially on my heart right now, and I’d like to introduce them to you, in a roundabout way. I pray you’ll understand my reasons for writing like this, but I know their stories aren’t over so I want to protect them as best I can.
Jim Doe and Jane Smith are in-laws – Jim’s brother married Jane’s sister. They had never met one another before their siblings wed.
Meet Jim Doe. He is 23 and was raised in a single parent home. His life was turbulent growing up, but his mother and brother loved him dearly. They moved frequently, and because his mother had to work to support the family, he spent much time with babysitters.
One was discovered to be selling drugs from her home – and this was a babysitter recommended by her pastor – the cousin of the pastor’s wife. When he was three years old, his new step-grandmother took over their care. From outward appearances, she seemed to dote on the boys– but within a couple of years, it was discovered she had been abusing both boys. She put pennies in Jim’s mouth and put duct tape over it, telling him if he cried or called out, he would swallow a penny and choke to death. She also beat the boys with an electric cord from a lamp she ripped from the wall. And she told them that if their mother ever left their stepfather, it would be to kill them. She said their mother would take them somewhere to kill them, then hide their bodies and go back to the stepfather to have “real children” with him. Jim’s mother discovered the abuse, tried to stop it, and after counseling with instructions to “submit” to her husband (and his mother) at all costs, she fled – getting the children away from all of them – and away from the abuse – permanently.
His mother tried to build a good life for her children, but she made many stupid and selfish mistakes. The family was active in church and the children were raised with much prayer, if not always good direction. They had minimal support from extended family. After Jim finished the 4thgrade, his mother decided to homeschool him. For the first two years, Jim thrived with the set-up. He learned at a rapid pace and grew to love learning and reading. He absorbed library books by the dozens, and his studies moved quickly. But then he got involved with some kids from church who led him onto a path he should have never taken. About the same time, he was introduced to music by Eminem that promoted disrespect, anger, hatred. They moved once again, and Jim entered public high school, but after a year or so, asked for homeschool studies again. His mother resumed teaching him, and he eventually passed final exams and graduated high school. But by this point, he was out of control. He worked random jobs to support himself, and had a good work ethic – but when work was over for the day, he just would not settle down. He even attended college for a year – and loved every moment of it, but did not stick with it.
Years passed. His mother remarried and life settled for her. Jim eventually ended up in a serious relationship with an older woman. About 18 months into the relationship, he told someone that his girl had tried to stab him – with a 3-foot sword. At that point, all the signs of domestic abuse became apparent to his family. But there was nothing they could do. A couple of months later, his girl went on another tirade and he hopped into their car to get away from her. There wasn’t enough gas in the car to get very far, so he turned around, determined to make things work. When he arrived back home, the police were there. The vehicle was in his girl’s name only, and she had called the police to report it stolen.
He spent 110 days in jail. For the first 30-45 days, he was convinced that he still loved his girl and that they could make things work. He never admitted that she hit him, but a deputy told his mother that the girl had sure worked him over good. When his mother visited him in jail, he was covered with cuts and scrapes all over his face and head, and he had a bruise the size of a baseball bat on his arm, where he’d deflected some of the blows. But he refused to report her. Because he’d returned the car, the charges were dropped down to two misdemeanors, and he was released on a two-year probation – with orders to pay thousands of dollars in fines, take three specific evaluations and if they required classes, to take those as part of the probation. He was also ordered to see his probation officer once a month and perform 120 hours of community service. He was placed under a “no contact” order with the girl – and she was told she could not contact him either. He is currently in month four of his two-year probation. He lived with his mom and stepdad for awhile, but could not abide by their rules. He now lives on the streets, occasionally stopping by their house to take a shower or eat a meal. Some days he berates his mom for her poor parenting skills, other days he’s respectful and grateful.
Meet Jane Smith. She is 24. She was raised in a two-parent environment. Her 
parents recently celebrated their 30thanniversary. She has three siblings and lived in the same town all her life. The family is Catholic, but they are not active in church. Her parents work hard to provide for the family, and all of the children began working as soon as they were old enough. Last year, Jane decided she wanted to go to college, and began exploring her options. But then she met a young man – three years her junior – and fell in love. She dropped her plans to attend college, and her life became absorbed with taking care of this man. But soon, her family realized things were not quite right. She was caught stealing things from family and friends. She lived in her car for a time – the family never sure if her fellow was with her or not. Then one day, her sister discovered her bruised and beaten. She dismissed her sister’s concern, and avoided family for months. She now excuses the abuse, saying it happens to everyone.
Apparently this was Jane’s new norm.
A few weeks ago, Jane was arrested and charged with shoplifting. In lieu of bail, they released her wearing an ankle bracelet while she waits for a court date. Her parents took her home, with her promises that she was a changed woman and things would work out great. Before they even got home, her tune changed, and she ranted and raved about how sorry her parents were, and how she was an adult and could make decisions on her own. How much she loved her boyfriend – the one she was arrested with, the one who continued to abuse her. Once they reached home, her mother ran to the grocery store, her father began preparing the house for their daughter’s extended stay. But when the mother returned from the store, the daughter was gone. She disappeared for days, and last week, was arrested in another county.
What is it with kids this age? These are only two examples of many, many young people who are in similar situations.
Where have we, as a world, as a generation, as parents – failed these kids?
But is it more than that?
Some place the blame firmly on the parents. Others on broken homes. Others place it on religion. Or lack of religion. So many other avenues to place blame. But these two examples show it must be more than that. Why this specific age group of kids? What is it about these kids that make them feel they are not worthy of something better? That they are only worth abuse? Why do they feel it’s okay for someone to beat them? Hurt them? Abuse them?
A recent conversation with another loved one opened my eyes to other possibilities. At the time when this age group of kids were at the most impressionable age – during their formative years – there were several major events going on nationally. Bill Clinton was president, and his personal actions – making headlines and newscasts for years – revealed a man with no morals, no values, no conscience. And he got away with it in the highest office of our land. An office that prior to his election had been revered and dreamed about by young children for generations. That dream was gone. In other news during those same years, the O.J. Simpson trial kept everyone glued to their TV sets for weeks on end. He, too, because of his celebrity, appears to have gotten away with murder.
Did those events cause one age group of young children to lose their way in this world?
I’ve heard people say that people like Jim and Jane are worthless.
Every time I hear a comment like that, it infuriates me. It makes me want to shout: “NO THEY ARE NOT” from every rooftop in town. No one is worthless – I don’t care what they’ve done, who they are. No one. Author Lori Roeleveld wrote an excellent post on this very subject a few weeks ago – you’ll want to check it out, because it shares my heart precisely.
What hope does this generation of young people have?
We cling to hope, and we must PRAY. We must pray fervently for each and every young person we know, because God’s not finished with them yet. Their stories are indeed still being written. I trust He knows the outcome, and will use these two in some special way that will impact lives.
How can I know that? How can I say that?
Look at the examples provided in the Bible:
Moses stuttered.
David’s armor didn’t fit.
John Mark deserted Paul.
Timothy had ulcers.
Hosea’s wife was a prostitute.
Amos’ only training was in the school of fig-tree pruning.
Jacob was a liar.
David had an affair.
Solomon was too rich.
Abraham was too old.
David was too young.
Peter was afraid of death.
Lazarus was dead.
John was self-righteous.
Naomi was a widow.
Paul was a persecutor of the church.
Moses was a murderer.
Jonah ran from God’s will.
Miriam was a gossip.
Gideon and Thomas both doubted.
Jeremiah was depressed and suicidal.
Elijah was burned out.
Martha was a worry-wart.
Did I mention that Moses had a short fuse?
So did Peter, Paul – well, lots of folks did.
If you have a loved one who is not living the life they were meant to live, DON’T GIVE UP ON THEM. And don’t stop praying.
Their stories aren’t over yet. God is still working.
October 8, 2012
My Story of Hope
By Gina Cook
My name is Gina and what an honor to share my story with you. My prayer is that somewhere along the line of my story, you will feel hope and strength. They same time flies when you are having fun. I would like to say time has flown because my life has been a blast, full of laughter and health, yet looking back it is hard to believe that 7 years ago my life drastically changed and will forever be changed because of that moment where time stood still and life seemed hopeless.
Breast Cancer is no respector of persons, it doesn’t care who you are, where you came from, what color, what age or that you really don’t have time for this horrible disease. But here I was at the age of 31 years old and a mother of two young girls and a few days before my youngest daughter Dakota’s first Birthday, I was daignosed with Stage Three Breast Cancer with the tumor being over 3 Centimeters in size. I remember feeling as if I could not breathe and the sting of death was at my door. The Words “You have Cancer, and it isn’t good” was spoken by the Doctor.
My life that seemed so young and fresh with so much ahead, suddenly seemed dark and hopeless. And here in that moment, a new me emerged. I was a fighter and was not ready to leave this world. I was not ready to leave my daughters and my family behind. My purpose on Earth was not fulfilled and I was ready to put my boxing gloves on and fight this horrible Cancer. My brother in law bought me some red boxing gloves and had all my family sign them for me, and I was ready to fight.
Because of my size tumor and it being in three out of fifteen lymph nodes they removed from my arm, I began chemotherapy first to shrink the tumor. Immediately I began three heavy and hard months of Chemotherapy. Throwing up , so weak that I had to hold on to to anything in sight to make it to my destination. As if the throwing up and exhaustion isn’t enough then you lose your hair. What was once long and brown thick hair went to a short cut and then a week later fell out on my pillow as if to say “I’m leaving you too”..For at those moments when you are lying in your bed trying to sleep, you feel alone , alone with the thoughts of “How will I survive this?” Though family and friends surrounded me through this fight, I was still alone with my thoughts . No one could really know what I was thinking or feeling.
There are so many days it would take all my energy to get out of the bed. I would pray for God to give me the strength so my oldest daughter Macayla , who was six at the time, could see me look normal when she came home from school. The masked smile and “Mommy is fine, just tired” hurt as much as the multiple surgeries that I had including a Masectomy. I didn’t want my girls to lose their mom. I want to see them get ready for prom, celebrate Birthdays and holidays and see them get married one day. Yet through all these feelings, my heart still had a song.
I will forever remember that moment when my oldest daughter Macayla was running in the front yard. it was a beautiful day and she was chasing Butterflies that were all out in our front yard. I sat on the couch that was in front of the glass window and watched her. The words began to come to me and I walked slowly to the stairs. I grasped the stair rail and held on tight with both hands . One step at a time, I kept repeating the words in my head so I could remember it “My butterfly, you fly so high. You fly for me. Everything I am not know, you seem to be. My Butterfly take on the wind, fly so high, but come back again. Thank you for letting me see, myself through you. Your everything to me.”. I made it up the stairs and went into my closet. Knelt down on the floor and with my paper and pen birthed the song out of it’s cocoon “My Butterfly”.
For that moment she was flying for me but I began to see myself emerge from the cocoon and able to fly. Not physically but spiritually. I felt “HOPE”. I began to check my calendar off every day and what would be closer to my chemo and radiation treatments to come to end. My chemo treatments went on for over a year followed by radiation, more surgeries and after cancer treatments. On the weeks I did not have chemo, I would go for short walks with the girls, go to the mall for an hour if just to show my girls I could do it. I enjoyed every minute and second before the dreaded chemo stepped up to the box on my calendar.
I loved being around family and singing with my mom, sister and my brother Kevin who played the drums. It was very rare I would miss a church service. I didn’t want to quit singing because it got me through the pain. I began to write more songs and the healing process began. Soon the day came when I would see that all the fighting, pushing, and determination to beat this would come and I would hear the words “You are Cancer Free”. “Free” How appropriate those words were to me. I made it!!
Then there was my wonderful mom whom I don’t think I could have recovered as quickly, she would stay up at night with me, and rock my youngest daughter Dakota to sleep when I was too sick. My mom was my rock!! Through this I have met amazing people, made bonds that can never be broken and have continued fighting this battle for others. I have confidence like I never have before, I am empowered to bring Joy and life to others. I am involved as a volunteer with Long Leaf Hospice and am an avid Fan of running, and now a Zumba fitness instructor. My story is for everyone to see that though the disease is ugly , there is hope on the horizon, a sunset over the mountain that you climb and along the way I pray you feel the hands of God. For remember when you only saw the footprints, He was carrying you.
I want to dedicate this to my daughters Macayla and Dakota who are my Butterflies and will carry on the legacy of giving back and inspire others. They dance for me and continue to amaze me every day!
Hope lives !!
Gina Cook
For booking Gina Cook as your guest speaker/singer at your event contact her on facebook or at gcookn@att.net. myspace/ginacookmusic
Gina’s picture courtesy of “Dawn and Company Portrait”
Thanks Gina for your bravery and sharing with us
October 5, 2012
Spiritual Abuse
Researching information for this month’s articles I ran into something, that yes, I’ve seen but it had not clicked in my mind when I thought about abuse and it’s the term “spiritual abuse” in a relationship. This relates to when a spouse uses God to control or manipulate the other spouse with the Word of God or an alleged spiritual gift or “power”
These abusers use their spouses faith and a legalistic vision of the Word of God to manipulate, control and undermine their spouses. With this behavior the enforced their authority and the victim submits to avoid consequences not only with their perpetrator but with their higher power, as they believe this is coming from God himself.
The fact that the victims are being abused will make them be more submitted as they think that they must be doing something wrong, as they continue to be criticized or chastised by their abuser. On the other hand this can hinder their faith as they would have trouble understanding why God would allow them to live in such conditions, when it’s not God, it’s the other person’s free will that is attacking them.
Jeremiah 23:16 says “This is what the LORD Almighty says: “Do not listen to what the prophets are prophesying to you; they fill you with false hopes. They speak visions from their own minds, not from the mouth of the LORD.” But if this is your husband or boyfriend, how can you tell?
Study the Word yourself.
If your spirit says something is not right, it probably isn’t. Look it up before you agree to do something.
Pray and ask the Holy Spirit for clear direction.
Read the Word in context and not singling out scriptures. Sometimes just reading a few more sentences can bring clarity to the context.
In doubt, research. Sometimes just reading different versions of the same scripture will bring clarity to our notions.
Talk to other Christians (be careful about this one, you don’t want someone who is misguided as well)
If you want to identify a potential spiritual abuser, read Matthew 23:1-39 ESV Then Jesus said to the crowds and to his disciples, “The scribes and the Pharisees sit on Moses’ seat, so practice and observe whatever they tell you—but not what they do. For they preach, but do not practice. They tie up heavy burdens, hard to bear, and lay them on people’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to move them with their finger. They do all their deeds to be seen by others. For they make their phylacteries broad and their fringes long”
Be safe!
Related articles
The abuse that nobody sees (therisingmuse.com)
Breaking Free From Spiritually Abusive Power Systems ~ Helps and Research (thereformedtraveler.com)
October 3, 2012
International Day of Non-Violence
Yesterday was the International Day of Non-Violence against woman. It was chosen to be celebrated every year on October 2nd in honor to Mohandas Gandhi. I think it is of no coincidence that it’s the same month where we are making conscience and awareness of domestic violence issues.
The Secretary General for the United Nations said the following in his message regarding the day of non-violence, “I have made prevention a key priority in the five-year action agenda of the United Nations. But prevention means more than separating warring parties and cooling tensions. Fundamentally tackling the roots of conflict and intolerance will take a culture of non-violence and peace.”
This statement resonated with me in a great manner. In regards to violence, no matter which kind it’s more about prevention than reaction. In terms of domestic violence is knowing the signs early in a relationship to remove yourself before you become at risk.
Another way of prevention is the acknowledgement of anger tendencies within yourself and seeking help to avoid becoming an abuser.
Let’s talk about some of those early signs.
Many of the signs women are taught to interpret as caring, attentive, and 
romantic are actually early warning signs for future abuse. Some examples include:
INTRUSION:Constantly asking you where you are going, who you are with, etc.
ISOLATION: Insists that you spend all or most of your time together, cutting you off from friends and family.
POSSESSION AND JEALOUSY: Accuses you of flirting/having sexual relationships with others; monitors your clothing/make-up.
NEED FOR CONTROL: Displays extreme anger when things do not go his way; attempts to make all of your decisions.
UNKNOWN PASTS / NO RESPECT FOR WOMEN: Secretive about past relationships; refers to women with negative remarks, etc.
MORE WARNING SIGNS
1.
Was or is abused by a parent.
2.
Grew up in a home where an adult was abused by another adult.
3.
Gets very serious with boyfriends/girlfriends very quickly – saying “I love you” very early in the relationship, wanting to move in together or get engaged after only a few months, or pressuring partner for a serious commitment.
4.
Comes on very strong, is extremely charming and an overly smooth talker.
5.
Is extremely jealous.
6.
Isolates partner from support systems – wants partner all to themselves, and tries to keep partner from friends, family or outside activities.
7.
Attempts to control what partner wears, what she/he does or who she/he sees.
8.
Is abusive toward other people, especially mother or sisters if he is a male.
9.
Blames others for one’s own misbehavior or failures.
10.
Has unrealistic expectations, like expecting partner to meet all of ones needs and be the perfect partner.
11.
Is overly sensitive – acts ‘hurt’ when not getting one’s way, takes offense when others disagree with an opinion, gets very upset at small inconveniences that are just a normal part of life.
12.
Has been cruel to animals in the past.
13.
Has abused children.
14.
Has hit a boyfriend or girlfriend in the past.
15.
Has threatened violence, even if it wasn’t a serious threat.
16.
Calls partner names, puts him/her down or curses at him/her.
17.
Is extremely moody, and switches quickly from being very nice to exploding in anger.
18.
If a male, believes women are inferior to men and should obey them.
19.
Is intimidating, for example using threatening body language, punching walls or breaking objects.
20.
Holds partner against his/her will to keep him/her from walking away or leaving the room.
If you want to share your survivor story with us (even anonymously) please send us an email at therisingmuse@gmail.com If your story is chosen to be featured you will receive a copy of my new book The Road Home. If you are currently enduring these situations and need prayer, do not hesitate to send us an email and we’ll pray for you.
Be blessed and be safe
October 1, 2012
October is Survivor’s Month
October has been nominated the awareness month for two great causes: Breast Cancer and Domestic Violence. These causes affect mostly women, although it can affect men as well. More and more we discover that men are victims of domestic violence in the same way and intensity that women are and they are even more afraid of getting help due to fear of ridicule by society. To my ignorance, I discovered that men are also sufferers of male breast cancer, so this is for all of you too.
Today I want to give you some sources to obtain help. There’s no shame in seeking assistance with your issues. With cancer there’s nothing you did to cause this, it’s a disease and feelings of despair and frustration after being diagnosed and during treatment are totally normal and there is help out there for you.
If you are in a domestic violence situation, know that this,also, is not your fault. Nobody deserves to be mistreated in a relationship. Also know, that because you don’t have bruises does not mean that it’s not domestic violence. If you are being controlled, threatened, or humiliated, know that is not God’s plan for your life and you deserve so much more.
Breast Cancer
Cancer Care
American Cancer Society
The Breast Cancer Resource Center
Susan G. Komen for the cure
Cancer.net (male breast cancer resource)
Domestic Violence
National Domestic Violence Hotline
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
Domestic Violence Helpline for Men and Women
Domestic Violence Resource Center
Safe Horizon
Please be safe and get help.
If you want to share your survivor story with us (even anonymously) please send us an email at therisingmuse@gmail.com If your story is chosen to be featured you will receive a copy of my new book The Road Home. If you are currently enduring these situations and need prayer, do not hesitate to send us an email and we’ll pray for you.
Be blessed and be safe
September 28, 2012
WF: Praise you in the storm
This is the last post of September and I wanted to use it to introduce you to some of what I am going to be doing in the next month. October is what I called “Survivor Month”. Why? Because it’s the month chosen for the awareness of two causes dear to my heart: Domestic Violence and Breast Cancer.
This year I would like for you to hear about different things regarding these causes. But this blog is not just for me, if you are a domestic violence or a breast cancer survivor and you want to share your story, please send it to me at therisingmuse @ gmail.com We would love to hear your story of going from 
victim to victory and encourage those who are still in the middle of the struggle. If your story is chosen to be featured here on The Rising Muse, you will get a copy of my new e-book, The Road Home as my token of gratitude for sharing your story.
And not forgetting that today is Worship Friday, I felt that there was no more appropriate song to worship the Lord with a song that actually talks about us putting our faith in Him through our struggles.
Have a blessed weekend!
WF: Worship Friday
“Aimee is a constant positive influence in Desiree’s life, gently demonstrating God’s love and mercy. ”Mary Anne Benedetto
“I would recommend The Road Home to any romantic, any lover of books, anyone struggling with forgiveness, anyone. ”Cynthia
