Naty Matos's Blog, page 41

Interview with Vicki Tiede

Today, we welcome Vicki Tiede, author of the new book, When Your Husband is Addicted to Pornography: Healing Your Wounded Heart.

Welcome, Vicki. How much of this book is “you” (your experience)?

This book was never meant to draw attention to me or to my ex-husband, it was meant to help a woman find healing for her heart in Christ. Snippets of my story are anonymously interspersed with those of 25 other women who have walked this path. When a woman discovers that her husband is struggling with pornography, the information becomes her secret to bear. This is not something women talk about. As a result, when one does want to share with someone, she doesn’t know who else will understand all that she is feeling. Silence is healing’s greatest enemy. I wanted my readers to know that they aren’t alone and that their feelings are typical. While no two stories are exactly the same, the grieving and recovery processes are similar. When women read this book and think, “How did Vicki know that’s exactly how I feel?” It’s because you can only know what this feels like if you’ve experienced it yourself.

Your book deals with the first two levels of porn addiction. (See the Introduction.) What should a wife do if she finds her husband’s been involved in levels 3 or 4?

The primary focus of When Your Husband is Addicted to Pornography: Healing Your Wounded Heartis to deal with the wife’s issues and feelings regardless of her husband’s lust, self-gratification, and pornography. While I only minimally address level 2-4 addictions (physical affairs, paying for prostitutes, rape, etc.), this book is still for the wife whose husband has engaged in these higher level SA (sexual addiction) behaviors. Many of her feelings and the ramifications of his behaviors on her relationship with her husband are the same regardless of the level of addiction. The reader should be aware, however, that if she’s looking for a book that focuses on those issues, this is not that book.

Now, what should she do? (As I always say, I am not a professional counselor, but I know the Wonderful Counselor, so keep that in mind.) Because level 3-4 addictions involve criminal and violent criminal behavior, she needs to make sure she and her children are safe. If that means displacing her husband from the home or packing up and leaving, then she must do that. Then she needs to seek professional help (counseling, pastoral, legal).

Does it make a difference if the husband confesses to his sin as opposed to “getting caught” in his sin?

I always pray men have the good sense to tell their wife about the struggle rather than waiting for her to discover it herself. It is almost always better if a husband confesses to his wife before she finds out by walking in on him or discovers something on the computer. Restoration typically goes better in these situations. If she finds out on her own and is forced to confront him with what has been unveiled, then she will always wonder how much longer he would have kept this dirty little secret or if he would have ever come clean. Is he truly sorry because of what he did, or is he sorry he got caught?

Have you come across any women whose “sin reaction” (page 22) was so strong her husband was repelled by that and left her?

I’m sure that has happened, but I’ve never personally talked to anyone in this situation. I have, on the other hand, had men leave because they’ve declared her “sin reaction” as an overreaction to something that “everyone does.” In other words, rather than owning his sin and repenting, he recasts the sin onto her making her “prudishness” the reason he’s leaving.

More than anything, the husband needs to understand that sometimes a wife needs time to believe that her husband is really sorry. That may mean waiting for longer than he’s comfortable waiting for her to be okay. Just because his habit is over it doesn’t mean the havoc he brought into the marriage is over.

Thanks so much for joining us today. Readers, any questions for Vicki?

More about Vicki: I am an author and speaker who has a passion for opening the Scriptures and pointing women to their true source of grace and faithfulness. For the past ten years, I have been honored to speak for numerous women at conferences, retreats, and women’s events. I am the author of three books including When Your Husband is Addicted to Pornography (2012), Plug Me In and Let Me Charge Overnight (2009), and Parenting on Your Knees: Prayers and Practical Guidance for the Preschool Years (coming January 2013). I live in Rochester, Minnesota, with my husband Mike, daughter, and two sons. Visit her on the web.

For Your Readers: Sample Chapters from When Your Husband is Addicted to Pornography: Healing Your Wounded Heart

Links to buy the book:

Vicki Tiede

NGP

Amazon

Barnes and Noble(BN’s processing times are lagging, but it will eventually be available here too)

Nook

CBD

America, Get Up, Get Out and Vote!

Today is an important day. November is a month where we usually say the things we are grateful for. One of the things I’m grateful about is to live and be part of the US of America.

Today is a day where we show our privileged to democracy. Today we get to exercise our right to elect those who will be making our government decisions for the next four years. Do not fret on this decision, just go out and vote. Regardless of the results God is our provider and our benefactor, but we need to do our part.

Don’t let anyone tell you that your vote doesn’t count. Don’t let anyone tell you that your vote is not important and that it won’t make a difference. It will and it does.

America is time to vote! Wrimos in the US stop your writing for a little while and go vote. The lines are long so just take your laptops with you; you’ll have tons of interrupted time standing in line.

God Bless!!

1 Chronicles 29:12

Riches and honor come from you alone, and you are the ruler of all mankind. Your hands control power and might, and it is at your discretion that men are made great and given strength.

I HATE COMMAS, COMMAS, AND MORE COMMAS!

By Lillian Duncan

I gladly admit that I hate commas. I much prefer to ignore them when I write. Those kind souls who critique my writing are always pointing out my comma failings (and I so appreciate them).

So, I’ve decided to do something about it. Since I needed to write a post about writing tips, I decided to improve my own writing in the process, or so I hope. Instead of writing about what I know I’m on a quest to find out what I don’t know about commas!

I asked some other writers to give me rules about commas as a first step. Here’s what they’re saying:

Linda Samaritoni gives us RULE # 1: Use a comma in direct address, meaning names.

EXAMPLE : I’m here to help you, friend.

Gail Kittleson, author of Catching Up With Daylight (to be published 2013), gives us RULE # 2: Use a comma after a subordinate clause used as an introduction to a

sentence.

EXAMPLE: After we watched our team lose, we headed to the malt shoppe.

Louise M. Gouge, author of A Suitable Wife, December 2012, tells us about RULE #3: Use a comma to separate independent clauses (complete thoughts) when they are joined by these transition words: for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so.

EXAMPLE: We wanted to go to the movie, but none of the films caught our interest.

Amy Cattapan, aspiring author and a middle school English teacher, gives us RULE #4: When including a full date in a sentence (month, day, and year), put a comma after the year as well as between the day and the year.

Example: The conference held on September 21, 2012, was a great success.

I give you RULE #5: Use commas to separate a series of at least 3 objects or events.

EXAMPLE: She woke up, brushed her teeth, ate breakfast, and then left for the day.

I’m checking out the Chicago Manual Of Style, which is what many fiction writers use as the ultimate grammar and punctuation resource. I’ve spent more than an hour reading questions about commas and CMOS answers on their website.

A few things have become clear to me.

Commas are troublesome to lots of people not just me.

There are lots of ambiguous situations concerning commas, but the CMOS people have a consistent answer. If the comma helps to clarify a situation use it. If the sentence doesn’t need clarifying then don’t use it.

In many situations, commas can or cannot be used, and either way would be right. That makes me feel better. I guess it comes down to personal preference and what your editor prefers.

The CMOS website points out that good editing smoothes the way for the reader. And I guess that’s why writers need editors. My job is to create the story, and the editor’s job is to smooth out the bumps.

But I’m hoping my editor has a few less commas to add in my next story!

YOUR ASSIGNMENT SHOULD YOU CHOOSE TO ACCEPT IT:I purposefully left out some commas in the above post and possibly a few accidentally. Leave a comment if you find a sentence that needs a comma with an explanation why. You may refer to the above rules to make it easier.

Lillian Duncanwrites stories of faith mingled with murder & mayhem. She writes the type of books she loves to read—suspense with a touch of romance. Whether as an educator, a writer, or a speech pathologist, she believes in the power of words to transform lives, especially God’s Word.

To learn more about Lillian and her books, visit: www.lillianduncan.net. She also has a devotional blog at: www.PowerUpWithGod.com. You can also connect with her on Twitter as @LillianDuncan and on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/lillian.k.duncan

WF: Eye of the Tiger + God will make a way

I know it must be weird to you that I chose Eye of the Tiger for this Worship Friday, here’s why? Today is Day 2 of NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) The goal is to write a novel of over 50k words in just this month. This makes me feel like Rocky when he was training to defeat the Russian on Rocky IV. Although this is not the training but my actual Russian is here (my word count), I hear this song inside my head as I need to push through my sleep, tiredness and lack of muse to achieve my word count. So enjoy the Eye of the Tiger… (with a few Rocky scenes)

But I would not leave you without a song that brings glory to the real owner of my muse. So here’s a worship song to praise the King of Kings and Lord of Lords that will also energize me through this race. Because even when I have no time or no energy or no ideas, God will will make a way. He always does.

Happy Friday!

WF: Worship Friday

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In Growth Lessons, I was reminded of this beautiful truth: Our walk with the Lord is a process of growing up into the image of Christ. P. Yates

I would recommend this book for anyone who would like some common sense and light added to their life. C. Cunningham

Great for meditations and daily devotions. N. Thames

Its Nano-time!

Recently the stores are not waiting even for October to start putting out Christmas things for us to buy. I started seeing lights, trees and ornaments as early as the summer. I remember when Christmas used to start closer to Thanksgiving, now the preparations are beginning right after the fireworks of the fourth of July.

However, the sights of Christmas decorations don’t make me think of festivities. It does remind to prepare for the celebration of the birth of My Lord and Savior, but that’s on my spiritual side. As a writer it starts to get my juices flowing for the event that I look forward all year around.

I have never been the athletic type. When I was taking journalism courses in college I took some sports journalism classes because I was determined to live vicariously by those with the gift of athletic ability. At that time, my dream was to cover the Olympic Games or the Superbowl as a journalist. But the Word says that you shall ask and you will receive and as a writer now I have a yearly Superbowl of my own… NaNoWriMo!

The coolest thing is that I don’t have to go through eliminations or rigorous exercises or a qualifying process to participate in my “Superbowl” All I have to do is go to www.nanowrimo.org and register for free… what an awesome thing! NaNoWriMo stands for National Novel Writing Month and it’s the challenge to write a novel of 50k words or more in the month of November. Talk about an adrenaline rush.

This will be my fourth year. If you want to try it, you still have time. It doesn’t start until tonight at midnight. If you’re like me, you will be at 11:55pm with laptop in hand looking at the watch and the fingers ready to start. However, I have a dilemma that all of you can help me with. I have two stories to choose from to write this year and I can’t make up my mind on which one to write. Remember I have to start writing it tonight so your votes need to be casted ASAP.

Story 1: The adulteress- Contemporary Christian Fiction

A couple who’s been married for 18 years start struggling with the wife’s sudden desire for freedom and her infidelities. Can this marriage be restored? Can a praying husband bring his wife back to Christ?

Story 2: Greetings from Saint Nick- Murder-Mystery Christian Fiction

This is the sequel of Seasons Greeting from Amelia (Novella coming out December 14th) (Background on the Amelia Novella- Amelia and Daisy are high school friends. Daisy starts finding random letters from Amelia in her house, but Amelia is nowhere to be found. In each letter Amelia confesses to her best friend some of her crimes and leaving clues of the crimes she’s about to commit. Can Amelia be stopped? )

Then in Greetings from Saint Nick, Nicholas is Amelia’s son, now in college. Estelle, Daisy’s daughter, suspects that Nicholas is following in his mother’s footsteps, but nobody believes her. Is it true? Is Estelle just imagining things?

These will not be the covers for the actual books once they come up for publication. I just did these for fun.

I would love your opinion and looking forward to starting my writing “ Superbowl” tonight”

Go Pandas!!

Interview with Jim and Karen Baney

Welcome, Jim & Karen.  Can you tell us what Christian eBooks Today.com is all about?

Jim:  Christian eBooks Today.com is a website that is for fans of Christian fiction and nonfiction.  It is a safe place to browse and learn more about great Christian eBooks without worrying about coming across any racy or explicit content.

Why did you start Christian eBooks Today.com?

Karen:  I’ve been an avid reader of Christian fiction since I was a young girl.  But, over the past few years as I started publishing books, I noticed that it was getting harder and harder to browse for Christian eBooks online without coming across some pretty embarrassing and racy covers.  I just wanted to find a good clean Christian romance book and find new authors.

In August, Jim joined the ranks of the unemployed, so I asked him what he thought about helping me launch a site for Christian readers.  It took some convincing, but he finally agreed to do it.

Jim:  Hey!  It didn’t really take much convincing.  I like the idea of being self-employed.

On your Vision and Mission page on the website, you mention edgy Christian fiction.  Can you tell us more about this?

Karen:  Sure.  Over the past few years or even a decade, the Christian fiction market is changing.  Authors are writing more true-to-life characters that get thrown into some pretty tough circumstances, such as rape, abuse, abandonment, etc.  In fact, some of my novels fall into that category.

Anyway, there is a bit of a divide in readership.  Some readers don’t like the trend, while others prefer it.  We wanted to mention that we accept those types of books on our site so readers are not surprised if they come across something like that.

So, your site includes Christian nonfiction too?

Jim:  Yes.  We include a variety of nonfiction genres, too.  Bible studies, devotionals, self-help, Christian living and much more.  We really want the site to be a place where readers can find any type of Christian eBooks.

Who runs the site, I mean really?

[Karen glances at Jim and giggles.]

Jim:  We joke around.  I’m the chief operations officer and Karen is the CEO.  She has the vision and then I do all the hard work to make it happen.

Karen:  [elbows Jim]  I do some of the hard work, like marketing and writing content.

Jim:  Okay, okay.  I’ll give you that.

Is there anything else you would like to share with my readers?

Karen:  Yes.  We have a feature on our website under the “For Readers” menu called “Reader’s Choice”.  This is where readers can fill out a form telling us about great Christian eBooks that they’ve read.  Each week, we will select one submission to appear on our website.  Then, once a month we will randomly choose a winner from all of the submissions (even if they don’t get featured).  The winner receives a $25 gift card from Amazon or Barnes & Noble.  Readers can submit as many eBooks as they want.

Wow, that sounds great!  So, where can we see this new website?

Jim:  Visit ChristianEBooksToday.com.  You can also follow us on Twitter (@cebtoday), Facebook, or Google+.  Check our site daily for our list of free fiction and free nonfiction ebooks.

Karen:  Remember to sign up for our newsletter too.  Just click on the envelope icon in the upper right corner of our site.  Each week we email readers a summary of our key weekly features including: guest blog posts, great reads, author of the week, and the reader’s choice selection for the week.

Thank you so much for hosting us!

http://www.christianebookstoday.com

Twitter: http://twitter.com/cebtoday

Facebook:  http://www.facebook.com/ChristianEBooksToday

Google+: https://plus.google.com/111493938878400897607/posts

WF: I Will Survive

The great thing for those who believe in God is that there’s hope. It doesn’t matter how hard life gets or how gray the things around us look we have hope. We have the hope that not only we can survive anything that crosses our path, but also that God will use it for our good.

Romans 8:28

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

 

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WF: Worship Friday

Interview with Sharon Srock

Today we have the visit of Christian Author, Sharon Srock. I hope you enjoy our conversation.

Sharon, thanks for being with us today at The Rising Muse. Tell us, How much of yourself do you write into your characters?

I don’t, intentionally, write any of me into my characters. That doesn’t mean you won’t find a little piece of me in all of the women. Callie teaches Sunday school and loves her guacamole, Terri is looking for God’s will in her life and arguing the whole way, Pam is learning lessons in forgiveness. Yep, there I am.

When did you first discover that you were a writer?

Believe it or not, I went to bed one night, a normal person, and woke up the next morning determined to write a book. I know, now, where that came from. It was more than a little weird at the time.

How do you keep your sanity in this crazy fast paced world of ours?

I guess I’m a product of our environment. I like being busy. Even on a vacation I have to consciously tell myself to slow down and enjoy the moment. Sanity…I’m a writer, that option took a hike a few years back.

What is your current work in progress?

I’m working with my editor to get Terri’s story complete. Pam’s story is close to being at the word count I want. Then I’ll start the serious editing process for her. Samantha is knocking…

If you could invite a fictional character to dinner who would it be and why?

Oh, can I pick two? Merlin and Spock. Merlin because I’m captivated by the whole knights in armor, Arthur, slaying the dragon thing. Spock because…well…because the idea of extraterrestrial life interests me. If we ever find life out there, I’d hope they would be wise and beneficial sort like Vulcans. Not the I’ve come to destroy your world we see portrayed 99% of the time.

What do you hope readers will take away from this book?

That sometimes we spend too much time beating ourselves up for something God has already forgiven and forgotten. That we do a disservice to ourselves and others when we indulge in those feelings.

What is your favorite material item that you own (examples: iPod, Gone with the Wind book, grandmother’s rocking chair)

My Kindle. It’s just the most amazing machine.

Do your characters ever give you surprises when you are writing? Can you give us an example if they do and if they don’t do you know why?

My characters constantly surprise me. Their individual determination to be front and center in my brain is relentless. I’m a SOTP writer. I don’t work with an outline, so I can’t give you an example of where I planned to go one way and they insisted on taking their own way, but I continue to be amazed.

Do you have a favorite scene in this book and what would it be?

I think where Pam, Karla, and Terri come to Callie’s house with groceries and stuff for the girls. That is exactly like it would happen, has happened, in my life. Our church family is so generous. I have been on the giving and the receiving end of help.

What is your most difficult writing obstacle, and how do you overcome it?

A lack of time. I don’t think there is a way to overcome it until I retire. I just have to deal with not enough hours in the day.

Which character in your book are you most like? What have you learned about yourself in writing this story?

For this book. Callie, of course. I didn’t really need to learn the life lesson that Callie had to learn, but writing the story taught me so much about persistence, trust , and patience.

As a writer how have you had to grow and stretch out of your comfort zone?

You are looking at it. Learning the craft, editing, and revising were easy compared to putting myself in the path of perfect strangers and begging for their attention. I’m a pretty solitary person. If I had my way, I’d write the book and pay a look alike to go out and face the public.

Thank you so much for sharing all this with us. Please tell us where we can find you on the internet and where can we get your book?

Visit my BLOG at: http://www.womenofvalleyview.blogspot.com/

Connect with me on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/SharonSrock#!/SharonSrock

Follow me on Twitter: https://twitter.com/#!/SharonSrock

Find me on Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/10758698-sharon-srock

The Women of Valley View. Ordinary women using their faith to do extraordinary things

Three dire circumstances. Three desperate prayers. One miracle to save them all.

Callie Stillman is drawn to the evasive girl who’s befriended her granddaughter, but the last time Callie tried to help a child, her efforts backfired. Memories of the tiny coffin still haunt her.

Samantha and Iris Evans should be worried about homework, not whether they can pool enough cash to survive another week of caring for an infant while evading the authorities.

Steve Evans wants a second chance at fatherhood, but his children are missing.  And no one seems to want to help the former addict who deserted his family.

For Steve to regain the relationship he abandoned, for his girls to receive the care they deserve, Callie must surrender her fear and rely on God to work the miracle they all need.

You can obtain Callie at:

Barnes & Noble, Amazon and Pelican Book Group

And here’s the chance to win a huge basket of gifts. Keep reading

A copy of Callie’s story
A certificate for Terri’s story when it releases in April
A 6 piece Cherry blossom bath set
A cosmetic bag
A Bath Wrap
A Cozy pink eye mask
A Pair of aloe infused booties
A Hair Turban
A Tennis Bracelet
A 25.00 Amazon gift card

The rules are easy. For every reader that comments on this post, you get an entry into the drawing. A winner will be drawn Monday November 19th. The items add up to well over 100.00 in value.

Towdah: A Cancer Survivor’s Song of Hope

By Sheryl Holmes

“Jumping up and jumping down, screaming NO(!) inside my heart,…atoms crashing one by one, frozen in the moment; releasing — rushing — over the cliff…. Let this not be true oh God, Let this not be true!”

These are excerpts of word phrases from the lyrics of a song I wrote in attempt to describe the nauseating and shocking state of being when I was given the diagnosis of cancer.

Universal to all are the emotions and the bewilderment.  The anger and the fear.  Is there anyone who does not shake their fist at God for a moment and demand to know, “WHY ME?”  I sure did.  Even after following the Lord for twenty-plus years, I stood indignant before God.

Weeping an gnashing my teeth, I drooled on my pillow as I bit it in frustration — silently wailing and heaving.  Voiceless cries filled the night.  I wrestled with God.

In the morning, I was weary; weariness gave up the weeping and the gnashing and the cries. Through the gentle reminder of a friend, came my answer to my prideful questioning of the Lord.  I was asking the wrong question….not “why me?” — but I should’ve been asking “Why not me.”

Jesus had already done everything for me — “…while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8b

“Towdah: A Cancer Survivor’s Song of Hope” is my book.  It is filled with hard questions like, “Why Me?” — “Is Salvation enough?” — “Would God stand by me? — by His promises? — Would He spare me of stage three cancer?” — “Am I going to die?”  I weave these hard grappling’s throughout my book and sprinkle in childhood reminiscing, humor, and poignant studies on life as I have experienced it as a home schooling mother of nine children and a wife of 27 years.

Treatment was harsh and my body produced every side effect that was predicted: mouth sores, fevers, aches in the joints and muscles, nerve issues that even plagued me today 24/7.  Radiation annihilated my feminine parts and forced me right through menopause reeking havoc on my relationship with my husband.

Yet, God’s mercy came in abundance.  His grace and compassion came in various forms of support.

Treatment ended.  My cancer is nonexistent at this time.  One year out of treatment I struggle with what I am calling the second phase of recovery: grieving loss.  I have been internalizing my losses – loss of who I was before I had cancer.  I am not the same person physically, emotionally, or spiritually.  I have a “new normal” and I do not really  like it… depression lurks in the doorway of my life.

So where do I  go now?

In the scriptures, Paul tells us:  “Whatever was to my profit, I now consider loss for the sake of Christ.  What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord….”   My profits, who I was and what I had accomplished before are now lost.  But, in giving the old me up, I am able to draw closer to my Lord and rely on Him for filling my losses with the gains of knowing Him deeper and deeper. The eyes of my heart have been opened.  My reaction is thanksgiving and praise for who God is.  I look to see His grace poured into my day — every day.  He IS there!  I call these God Sparkles and I share them often on my Face Book page and in my blog writings.

Fellow survivor of this difficult life – come join me in resting in HOPE; no matter your circumstance there is always a song of hope to sing!  Check me out at: alwaysasongofhope.com — signup to receive my blog postings and LIKE me!

I also have been nominated on Yahoo’s online magazine as “A Woman Who Shines” — please vote for me by Oct 26th at:bit.ly/SherylHolmes and I will have the chance at winning a sweet prize and have a featured  article spot in their magazine(!).

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My book:  “Towdah: A Cancer Survivor’s Song of Hope” is available on Amazon.com and Barnes and Noble online for a mere $3.99 for ebook and $9.99 for paperbacks.  Though my story is of my battle with cancer, it has a universal message of striving and persevering in HOPE through the pains and agony of life and all the trials we face in this world.

May Grace and Peace abound to dear reader friend.  What God has done for me — He will do for you in a way that is unique to your being and life.

He’s just THAT kind of God!

WF: More Beautiful You

I’ve heard this song several times, but when I heard it recently thinking about our survivor series for this month I thought it would be more than fitting. Although I believe Jonny Diaz directed this song to teenagers with self image issues, the issues may start there but stay with women way longer.

It can be hard for a cancer patient can feel insecure about their worth, not only for the long days of feeling sick, but also for the toll that treatment can physically take on their bodies.

It’s also misplacement of value that causes abuse.The abuser doesn’t see the value of the person they are mistreating and the abused doesn’t seem to recognize their real value.

I’m here to tell you not what I have to say but what the word of God says, that you should know that this is you: “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139:14

Be Blessed

WF: Worship Friday

 

“This book certainly held my interest straight through to the very emotional ending.” MaryAnne Benedetto

“I look forward to more from this author.”Rev

“With the ever-constant presence of her closest friend, Aimee, Desiree slowly makes her way to God and learns the greatness of His power andlove. ”Cynthia