Audacia Ray's Blog, page 56

ASK DOMINICK: Male Escort Advice Column

rentboyblog:

#2  ASK DOMINICK: Male Escort Advice Column 

 Former kept boy and retired full-time escort "Dominick" transitioned into a successful career in commercial real estate—where the art of the sell is supreme. He's appeared in various forums, bringing true accounts of his experiences to light. Look for news of his next appearance and upcoming publications here. Listen to a free podcast of his latest appearance! "Dirty Tricks & Happy Endings" at Red Umbrella Diaries, click here to listen.

First question is from David in London:

"Hi Dominick, I've been escorting for a few months now and since I started I've only had 4 clients. I was hoping that having my own personal website would be easier for me as there would no competition as its just about me with no one else on there, but no luck at all! Also, I have to pay monthly maintenance fee for the private website and I can't really afford it and will really regret it if I have no clients as I'll be wasting money every month, as I'm wanting to save up to move out of my flat. Help!"

Answer:
When I first got to NYC, escorts worked the streets or bars, or had agencies. The hustler strip on 53rd Street between 2nd & 3rd Avenues was home to "Rounds", a surprisingly elegant place with a Halston-inspired interior in taupe and smoked mirrors. Available guys hung out on one side of the bar. The advent of the Internet changed all that. I started escorting years later, while hanging out in AOL chat rooms with sly names like "M4M Companions". One horny, persistent chatter offered to pay, and from that first encounter, I launched a career supporting myself full-time. I didn't advertise— I wanted to keep a low profile. I maintained a group of regulars and got some glowing reviews on Hooboys (forerunner to today's Daddy's Reviews site) that kept new guys coming in. That initial sell, once face-to-face, had become entirely digital.

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"For me, "prostitute" is purely descriptive. It's not a slang term designed to maximize offense; it..."

"For me, "prostitute" is purely descriptive. It's not a slang term designed to maximize offense; it is simply our most basic word for a person who has sex for money. I like its honesty. And I like its solidarity. Because when a sex working woman is arrested or murdered, the news coverage is going to call her a prostitute whether she used Craigslist, took referrals, or worked the streets."

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I wrote about the Long Island murders and I'm worried that I did a piss poor job, but I at least included links and quotes from Dacia and Melissa, who are doing amazing work right now.  (via nightmarebrunette)

My comment on her post (you should read the whole thing):

You're not doing a piss poor job, as you implied on Tumblr.

And it is really great to have this space, and others created and controlled by sex workers. I think that our safety and wellness – in a world that wants to fuck us while also want[ing] us dead and/or arrested – is paramount.

But I also think we need to keep pushing and going outside of our comfort zones when we are able to do so. Part of me wants to retreat to my community, commiserate and get support there, and stay in that bubble… but I know that nothing will change unless we can speak out to people who don't support us, but would if they thought about it some more, if they saw a fellow human being with this experience in front of them. There are people who hate us – but there are also people who will listen. We need their solidarity if we are going to change things.

"But it is not useful to talk about "choice" and "free will" in abstract or absolute terms, or to..."

"

But it is not useful to talk about "choice" and "free will" in abstract or absolute terms, or to equate one's difficult decision to choose the "least bad" option available to her in a pool of bad options with "coercion" in a more traditional sense.

Yes, "economic coercion" exists. But the problem is not selling and buying sex; it is the lack of options. Let's actually address the problem, rather than depriving the "least bad options" the already disadvantaged population.

"

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Eminism.org » A response to the "economic coercion" argument that equates all prostitution with trafficking and then with slavery

Emi Koyama brings it. She is the smartness. 

Be sure to click through for the very useful chart and more smart writing.

apt4e:Archway, relocated intercom, breezeway, and lovely new...

apt4e:

Archway, relocated intercom, breezeway, and lovely new kitchen with appliances in place.

New kitchen, nearing completion. It needs counter tops (black granite) and a sink (undermount, brushed nickel finish), and then paint (the shade is heather plum - kind of a lavender). 

Looks like the renovations will be finished by the end of next week. Our move-in date will be May 14. We'll be painting the whole apartment (only the hallway stays white!) on May 7. Many errands to do in the next three weeks. 

"There's a certain voyeurism in this kind of coverage — a sense that you don't have..."

""There's a certain voyeurism in this kind of coverage — a sense that you don't have to worry about violence because it only happens to these kinds of women," notes Melissa Gira Grant, a writer, activist, and former sex worker. Asked to select the worst recent example, she chose a New York Daily News cover that read "Hooker Slay Exclusive: Web of LI Sickos" and its accompanying inside story, "Internet sex forum wanted 'revenge' vs. Long Island hooker later murdered, dumped in burial grounds." My own pick in the Asking For It category comes from WPIX, which quotes the neighbor of Amber Lynn Costello, one of the victims: "With the people she was hanging around with, who were coming here, it was obvious something was going to happen to her." Best Candid Moment goes to the neighbor National Public Radio quotes without comment who frets about the recent discovery of more unidentified bodies: "It could be more than just prostitutes.""

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Getting Away with Murder on Long Island

Thank you, Nancy Goldstein, for a different (and important) angle on this story and its media coverage. She quoted what I actually said and ran my words past me before submitting the piece to her editor - a good way to build trust with sources, journalists take note.

One thing I'd like to stress, though, is that while the tone of the recent coverage has a lot to do with sexism, victim-blaming, and whorephobia, this is not just about cisgender women. Transgender women, as well as cis and trans men, are all vulnerable to violence when they do sex work. However, the coverage on those kinds of violent crimes (esp transphobic crimes) -when there is any at all - is even worse than when cisgender women get killed.

apt4e:Checkerboard floor in the kitchen!!!My...

apt4e:

Checkerboard floor in the kitchen!!!

My kitchen-to-be… has a checkerboard floor and I am really excited about it. The material is marmoleum with a layer of cork. It is pretty, green, and hopefully will be soft on the feet and easy to keep clean. Getting closer and closer to completion! 

"Anyway, a journalist wanted to talk to me for a story he was doing about domestic violence, so I..."

"

Anyway, a journalist wanted to talk to me for a story he was doing about domestic violence, so I agreed to an interview. We talked for hours about my work and all the different dangers the women confront on the streets. I discussed how one of the biggest "dangers" was the stigma and discrimination they face as sex workers and how general society doesn't understand that they are simply mothers trying to provide for their children. That was my big plug. The journalist's focus, however, was on the violence these women may face. In response to his questions, I conceded that yes, many of the women are vulnerable to falling into relationships with abusive partners.

… I arrive to the streets and no one greets me. I wonder, what the heck is going on here…I call out to N., one of my closest friends on the streets, and she flings a string of profanities at me. I look about from woman to woman and I'm greeted with death stares all around. My eyes start to water and I'm getting really freaked out. I approach another friend C. and ask what this is all about. She says, "Anita, the women don't want to see or talk to you—what did you say in that article???"

"

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En la calle: sex work in Quito: Fieldwork Nightmare

Ah yes - the only way to learn how much the press can fuck you over is to get your life and work broken apart a little bit. Apparently also the way to learn more about the impact academic work can have on people you're studying. 

Long conversations about sex work with journalists can be very problematic - as this researcher discovered. She also experienced the challenges of having a reporter represent her and her work and ends with his bit of self-awareness: "Although what WILL this mean when it comes time to publish my thesis?????"

The Little Black Book of Grisélidis Réal: Days and Nights of an Anarchist Whore

The Little Black Book of Grisélidis Réal: Days and Nights of an Anarchist Whore by Jean-Luc Hennig
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Grisélidis Réal is an eminently problematic but enigmatically likable character. As I've muddled through the stress of dealing with the news cycle around the Long Island serial killer, I've really enjoyed immersing myself in the lengthy interview with Grisélidis and her notes on clients. She's laugh out loud funny, with her descriptions of clients and the (unsurprising to me, but somehow surprising to the interviewer) reveal that she tries to get them in and out (so to speak) as quickly as possible.

She tells longer stories too, but some of the interactions look like this:

Q: Did he pay?

A: I wouldn't have done a thing if he hadn't paid. No, come on, what did you expect! I'm not the Salvation Army here.

This book is a fantastic document, though I wish there was more about Grisélidis' activism and not just her sex work. She did, after all, participate in the 1975 weeklong occupation of the St Nizier Church in Lyon, France - plus generally make activist trouble. There's probably more about that work in her other books, which haven't yet been translated into English.

Originally posted on Goodreads

Infographic for an awareness raising campaign on HIV prevalence...

Infographic for an awareness raising campaign on HIV prevalence in young people, part of the lead-up to the High Level Meeting ("the HLM" in UN-speak, because this vague title needed to be acronymmed) in NYC in June.

Also: campaigns by young people = better graphic design. 

soupsoup:Jon Krakauer Publishes Greg Mortenson ExposeI have...

soupsoup:

Jon Krakauer Publishes Greg Mortenson Expose

I have so much schadenfreudey love for this story. Seriously cackling with glee about this.

Here's the review I wrote on Goodreads:

First things first: I didn't get all the way through this book (read about 150 pages), and it has been suggested to me that I shouldn't judge it unless I've read the whole thing. Apparently (spoiler) Mortenson figures out how to scale his schools and founds a whole fuckload of them, and enables girls to get an education alongside the boys. 

But even if there's lots of redemption and life lessons and stuff… I just can't stomach it. This book basically outlines how not to do international development. 

I don't really know where to start. I just can't give this book more of the rageful energy than I've already devoted to it. So a few quick things embedded in the book that made me angry: 

Fucked up sense of privilege - white American dude is a fuckup at home but a hero in rural Pakistan. 

Said dude compares the simplicity of rural people in Tanzania and Pakistan to his developmentally disable younger sister. 

Dude's "blissful unawareness of race" is called upon numerous times, trope-style. 

I won't go on. It's too much. The white man's burden is all over this thing like surreptitious ejaculate. 

If you're interested in learning more about good intentions and the harm they can do, I highly recommend reading this blog about aid and development:http://goodintentionsarenotenough.com/