Robb Todd's Blog, page 4
April 17, 2012
WHAT ELSE ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO DO IN THIS SITUATION?
All advice...
WHAT ELSE ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO DO IN THIS SITUATION?
All advice fails except this: Never trust anything that is orange that has eyes.
You might also try bacon as a bookmark. Be proud of your double standards because it is really hard to exist, especially in the City of Ids.
A man on the sidewalk said to an upset boy: “You know exactly what you’re doing. You’re making bad choices. Hey! One more of those and that’ll be another five minutes.” He took the boy’s hand and a sports utility vehicle ran over an empty plastic bottle. The bottle exploded. The cap shot off and hit a woman in the head and the boy sang, “Plip plop goes the poop!”
We ruin everything we like by just trying to get there.
April 1, 2012
ABSOLUTE GRAY
Caffeine is a drug, in case you were wondering....
ABSOLUTE GRAY
Caffeine is a drug, in case you were wondering. Also, the anti-establishment is an establishment.
A little girl roared in the East Village. The East Village, where there is a 7-Eleven and a Subway and a Dunkin' Donuts and a Papa John's. We cannot let Brooklyn win.
The more colorful male pigeons puff their necks, fan their feathers on the ground, and spin a circle to attract females. Squirrels are doing it on trees but it looks like they are fighting.
Take your time.
March 18, 2012
SPRING TRAINING IN INWOOD HILL PARK
The third baseman would not...
SPRING TRAINING IN INWOOD HILL PARK
The third baseman would not keep his glove down. The second baseman threw the ball over the first baseman's head every time. The shortstop knew what he was doing. Everyone in the outfield was asleep.
February 22, 2012
From what cause I, of course, cannot say.Of course, from what...
From what cause I, of course, cannot say.
Of course, from what cause I cannot say.
Of course, I cannot say from what cause.
From what cause, of course, I cannot say.
I cannot say from what cause, of course.
From what cause I cannot, of course, say.
From what cause I cannot say, of course.
I cannot say, of course, from what cause.
February 9, 2012
The man pointed at a pigeon perched on the back of a bench and...
The man pointed at a pigeon perched on the back of a bench and said it wanted to sit on my arm if I would give it somewhere to land. He called the birds by name. "Come here, Cinnamon. Here, girl." I held my arm out.
TWO REALLY IMPORTANT THINGS
ONE
The last movie I saw was set in...
TWO REALLY IMPORTANT THINGS
ONE
The last movie I saw was set in present day but the young protagonist had an answering machine. When is Hollywood going to give that up? Nobody younger than 50 has an answering machine and only seven people fifty or older have them—and four of those are broken and the dudes just won't throw them away. That's not a lot of answering machines! If they haven't stopped making them entirely, they will soon.
Sorry, screenwriters. You'll have to find another device to clue us in on important narrative details.
TWO
Later this month, the Uptown Collective's Led Black Book Club will feature my collection, Steal Me for Your Stories. Drop by APT 78 in Washington Heights at 1pm on Feb. 25. I'll read you a story.
This is probably as close as I will have to a book release party, so … let's party. More info is here, and it's so fancy you have to RSVP. Do you know what RSVP stands for? Yes, Retired Senior Volunteer Program. That's an important program. RSVP is also a track by The Bloodhound Gang from the 2000 album Hooray for Boobies.
HOORAY!
February 1, 2012
YOU CAN NEVER LEAVE THE INTERNET UNATTENDED
I went to another...
YOU CAN NEVER LEAVE THE INTERNET UNATTENDED
I went to another country for a while. In that country, the doubya doubya web is expensive for foreigners. In that country, which is very cold, I snowboarded for the first time. By "snowboarded" I mean I fell down a mountain for two hours. I'm still a little numb.
Also, people drink more when their lives are covered in snow. Also, they are nicer and say sorry when you are the person who should say sorry. They give you doughnuts, too. Also, some people leave hearts in the snow with their boots because they have that much love to give.
While all that was happening, this happened:
LITnIMAGE and Fwriction : Review published stories I wrote with my very own fingers. They're short. Read them. These stories are in my collection, which is now available on Amazon as a Kindle edition. That makes my brain melt a little.
January 23, 2012
Humiliation for the good of the world
Necessary Fiction asked writers to share unedited, unpublished early work, and discuss how they have evolved. What a great idea. I'm into humiliation.
Here's what I had to say about it — and if you think my writing sucks now, wait till you read this. It is much worse.
January 18, 2012
EVERY DOG IS A KILLER IN HER HEART
A man on the street said,...
EVERY DOG IS A KILLER IN HER HEART
A man on the street said, "Can you help me? I'm poor." I handed him a banana and he said, "Everything you need to know about life you can learn by watching animals," and he peeled it by pinching off the black spot at the bottom, not by pulling the stem. "I speak several languages, including toddler, and I've picked flowers from rhinoceros horns. Every ritual is forced upon us." He ate the banana and rubbed his cheek with the back of his hand, looked around, stared into shop windows, eyed the pedestrians, regarded the traffic. He rolled up his sleeve, revealing a faded tattoo of a sleeve. "All we know are assemblages."
