Kristen Kalp's Blog, page 6

Beth Pickens talks Time, Fear, and Asking for artists.

That’s What She Said welcomes back heroic and magical artist counselor Beth Pickens for the release of her new book, Make Your Art No Matter What!

Beth Pickens describes herself as a consultant for artists and art organizations. Her time spent working with so many artists is distilled to the most universal lessons possible in her new book, Make Your Art No Matter What, which has been described as “The Artist’s Way for the 21st century.”

(Her previous book, Your Art Will Save Your Life, was featured in That’s What She Said podcast episode #178 back in 2018, so please check it out if you’d like to hear more from her!)

In this conversation, we cover three big huge topics for artists that are also chapters in the book: Time, Fear, and Asking.

(You know, tiny insignificant no-big-deal topics.)

How do you handle unstructured time as an artist?How do you keep your work from taking over your life?How do you shape time to your liking without keeping a minute-by-minute schedule?Are your fears universal, or is it JUST YOU who’s freaking out?What do we DO with our fears of making, creating, promoting, etc…?Why are all artists afraid of asking for help?What does a ‘good’ ask for help look like?How do you make it more likely that you’ll get a ‘yes’…?What happens if and when you DO get the yes you were seeking? (Other than panic?)

THERE ARE MINDFUCKS EVERYWHERE, AREN’T THERE?

Beth walks us through all these questions in order to create and maintain a relationship with our artistic practices.  Her words are deeply grounded, wise, and perspective-shifting.

Before you click away because you don’t see yourself as an artist, please read Beth’s definition:

“Artists are people who make art. My deeper understanding is that artists are people who are profoundly compelled to make their creative work, and when they are distanced from their practice, their life quality suffers. Making their work is a way to take care of themselves, communicate, process information, engage a spiritual interior, or strengthen their relationship to themselves and others.” — Beth Pickens, Make Your Art No Matter What, p. 10

Buy Beth’s book, Make Your Book No Matter What, here or wherever books are sold.

Once you’ve fallen in love, join Homework Club, Beth’s monthly subscription that helps you pay attention to and cultivate your art practice with other artists!

P.S. Beth says Your Art Will Save Your Life.

Author photo credit: Amos Mac.

The post Beth Pickens talks Time, Fear, and Asking for artists. appeared first on ⚡️Kristen Kalp.

When you realize you’ve made a mistake.

Psst! This is an episode of That’s What She Said! You can listen in below, or keep reading for a transcript-ish version of events.

Maybe it wasn’t clear before.

Maybe you suspected you’d been duped, but you needed confirmation.

Maybe you desperately, desperately hoped that having moved across the country with your partner, two pets, and every last one of your possessions on the first day of 2020 was ultimately NOT a bad idea.

And then you hear it: the phrase that will change everything.

“The basement smells like spiders.”

Note for arachnophobes: there are no images or vivid descriptions of spiders in the words that follow.  I’m trying to tell a story, not WRECK YOUR LIFE.

UM, NEIGHBOR CHRIS, FIRST OFF: HOW IS THAT EVEN A SMELL?

I DID NOT KNOW THAT WAS POSSIBLE: FOR THERE TO BE SO MANY SPIDERS…THAT THE BASEMENT…SMELLS LIKE…THEM?

(I TYPE IN CAPS FROM NOW ON OBVIOUSLY IT’S THE ONLY WAY POSSIBLE TO DISPLAY MY UTTER REVULSION AND TERROR.)

What does one…do…with a statement like ‘The basement smells like spiders’…?

First, I presumed it to be true, ’cause neighbor Chris had lived in Portland all his life and therefore knew a thing or two about spiders.

Oregon makes spider attacks so normal that even as an arachnophobe you stop flipping out when, say, a few spiders fall on your head as you’re working in the yard. Or when dead spiders fall on you as you’re trying to relax on the porch. Or when you see teeny tiiiiiny spiders crawling on your laptop keyboard and then they just VANISH.

SPIDERS VANISHED INTO MY KEYBOARD AND I DID NOT STOP LIVING IN OREGON BECAUSE I WANTED TO BE STRONG, GODDAMMIT.

But then.

The basement…smells…like spiders.

I can no longer pretend that the basement is not full of spiders…because clearly, it is, and they’re just waiting to hatch and eat me in my sleep.

OBVIOUSLY I can never go into the basement again.

As the days go on, Bear decides to be helpful. He approaches neighbor Chris in a friendly way: ‘Hey, would you mind if I cleaned the basement so it DOESN’T smell like spiders?” Neighbor Chris does a friendly rebuke, like ‘No man, that’s okay.’ Bear attempts over and over to make headway, here: how about now? What if I promise not to touch your stuff? What if I only clean the shared areas?

Again and again, Chris expresses versions of nope, no, and no thank you. The spiders continue to Occupy The Basement in an arachnid campaign that would make Bernie Sanders weep with the brilliance of its simplicity.

Of COURSE my suggestion is dismissed: what if I walk in, douse the whole basement with gasoline, AND BURN THIS HOUSE DOWN?

…NO?

::sigh::

This refusal to eradicate the spiders raised EVEN BIGGER questions about living in Oregon. Who is willing to live with a spider infestation? Who refuses free help with cleaning from a tidy Italian man who has nothing better to do during a pandemic? Who is not only willing to live, BUT COMMITTED TO, LIVING IN A DEN OF SPIDERS DEAR GOD THE HUMANITY. ::wrings hands::

Other things happened in Portland that let me know it wasn’t for me. Once, Bear and I were driving to The Goonies House and accidentally merged into a Proud Boys truck parade at a stoplight. In case that wasn’t clear: WE ACCIDENTALLY TOOK PART IN A PARADE CELEBRATING DOMESTIC TERRORISM WHEN WE WERE JUST TRYING TO SEE THE HOUSE WHERE THE GOONIES WAS FILMED.

In addition, police violence and federal-government-sanctioned violence were at an all-time high. Activists were being snatched up by unmarked vans, disappearing for hours and being held by ‘officials’ without any stated cause. Bear was less than 20 feet from Portland’s mayor on the night he got pepper sprayed repeatedly by his own police force.

And the DRONES. Police drones. Data-scraping drones. Military drones. I didn’t know how many drones could be present in the air at any one point. And silly me, I didn’t even know police drones were a thing! We got used to drones the size of my VW Beetle hovering overhead regularly.

One day, my friend Dawn called to say that an apartment had opened in her triplex and did we want to come home now?

…

We were committed to a new start in Portland.

That meant we were also committed to having spiders in our basement. And escalating police violence on the daily. With a side of domestic terrorism. While drones that could hold their own in any dystopian novel patrolled the air. During a pandemic. Which did not yet have a vaccine.

At the precise moment that Bear and I chose to discuss returning to Philly, one of those enormous drones hovered over the house and shook it down to the foundation. The entire place hummed like an industrial strength vibrator factory set to Test Mode as the police drone hovered overhead.

It was scary as fuck.

It was also PRECISELY the confirmation we needed to get out of the city as soon as possible.

Wherever you are, and whatever you’re committed to?It’s okay to change.

You get new data.

You learn that you’ll be surviving your first pandemic.

You know a place in reality, not just through visits.

You have more information.

You watch spiders crawl into your keyboard and never crawl back out.

It’s okay to admit that your current situation isn’t working.

It’s okay to adjust the sails (or, in my case, move away from the drones).

It’s okay to respond to life as it happens, even if your plans were PERFECT and the budget doesn’t allow for any deviation from the plan.

Life HAPPENS.

Shaming yourself for not knowing what you couldn’t have known won’t help anyone.

You take it all in.

You learn.

And you adjust to life’s insanities as the days unfold.

For the record: I never went into the basement again.

(Image: Portland Bubs was apparently pretty ragged and barely holding on, or at least he looks like it in this photo.)

P.S. Sometimes ‘not this’ is clear enough.

The post When you realize you’ve made a mistake. appeared first on ⚡️Kristen Kalp.

Katherine North is a Holy Heathen.

Her book of the same name is the focus of today’s That What She Said podcast interview!

Katherine North is a masterful life coach, stellar author, and fellow enneagram 4-rocking human. Her memoir, Holy Heathen, is ultimately a book about growing up displaced from American society — and herself. She writes of her time growing up in Japan with her missionary parents and all the complications that living for ‘God’s Will’ brings with it. (Spoiler alert: God’s Will kinda sucks.)

If you’ve ever been a member of organized religion and then found a way to leave it behind, WE GOT YOU AND YOU’LL LOVE THIS.

In this interview, we talk about:

Being ‘good’ versus being connected to yourselfThe facades we hold up at great cost in the name of being ‘good’Indoctrination and its many effects on the psyche from a young ageThe process of bringing the book to life, what it took from Katherine, and what it gaveHer parents’ long-anticipated reaction to the book (DO THEY HATE HER NOW??)Learning through joy versus learning through pain (and why joy is better, obviously)

…and a bunch more stuff!  We laughed, we cried, and we connected.  Enjoy!

Visit Katherine’s website , Instagram , or Patreon community and secret blog for more magic.

P.S. Have you listened to the 1st LIVE episode of That’s What She Said yet?

The post Katherine North is a Holy Heathen. appeared first on ⚡️Kristen Kalp.

Live podcast magic is here!

The very first LIVE podcast episode of That’s What She Said is here!  This is something I’ve been dreaming about doing, and it was SOFRIGGINFUN to see faces and talk to peeps while recording!

In this episode of That’s What She Said, we talk about…

+ how to find meaning when everything feels meaningless
+ how to re-enter society as pandemic comes to some sort of end
+ why much of the modern marketing scene feels like Very Pretty Garbage
+ and how to say true to your self and your instincts in the face of what seems like the whole world shouting, “YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG!”

[technical note] This was recorded LIVE and the first 2 minutes are a bit static-y. The issue is resolved by minute 3.

Like what you hear?  Shoot me an email and tell me what you’d like to discuss on the next live episode, okay?

If you’d like to come to a live recording of That’s What She Said, hop on my mailing list and you’ll be the first to know when the next one happens!

Success! Now check your email to confirm your subscription.

There was an error submitting your subscription. Please try again.

Email Address I'd like to receive the free email course. FUCK YAH! Also: I won't spam you because I'm not a butthead. Powered by ConvertKit /* Layout */ .ck_form.ck_minimal { /* divider image */ background: #f9f9f9; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 1.5em; overflow: hidden; color: #666666; font-size: 16px; border: solid 1px #d1d1d1; -webkit-box-shadow: none; -moz-box-shadow: none; box-shadow: none; clear: both; margin: 20px 0px; text-align: center; } .ck_form.ck_minimal h3.ck_form_title { text-align: center; margin: 0px 0px 10px; font-size: 28px; } .ck_form.ck_minimal h4 { text-align: center; font-family: 'Open Sans', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; text-transform: uppercase; font-size: 18px; font-weight: normal; padding-top: 0px; margin-top: 0px; } .ck_form.ck_minimal p { padding: 0px; } .ck_form, .ck_form * { -webkit-box-sizing: border-box; -moz-box-sizing: border-box; box-sizing: border-box; } .ck_form.ck_minimal .ck_form_fields { width: 100%; float: left; padding: 5%; } /* Form fields */ .ck_errorArea { display: none; /* temporary */ } #ck_success_msg { padding: 10px 10px 0px; border: solid 1px #ddd; background: #eee; } .ck_form.ck_minimal input[type="text"], .ck_form.ck_minimal input[type="email"] { font-size: 18px; padding: 10px 8px; width: 68%; border: 1px solid #d6d6d6; /* stroke */ -moz-border-radius: 3px; -webkit-border-radius: 3px; border-radius: 3px; /* border radius */ background-color: #fff; /* layer fill content */ margin-bottom: 5px; height: auto; float: left; margin: 0px; margin-right: 2%; height: 42px; } .ck_form input[type="text"]:focus, .ck_form input[type="email"]:focus { outline: none; border-color: #aaa; } .ck_form.ck_minimal .ck_subscribe_button { width: 100%; color: #fff; margin: 0px; padding: 11px 0px; font-size: 18px; background: #f02375; -moz-border-radius: 3px; -webkit-border-radius: 3px; border-radius: 3px; /* border radius */ cursor: pointer; border: none; text-shadow: none; width: 30%; float: left; height: 42px; } .ck_form.ck_minimal .ck_guarantee { color: #626262; font-size: 12px; text-align: center; padding: 15px 0px 0px; display: block; clear: both; } .ck_form .ck_powered_by { display: block; color: #aaa; font-size: 12px; } .ck_form .ck_powered_by:hover { display: block; color: #444; } .ck_converted_content { display: none; padding: 5%; background: #fff; } .ck_form.ck_minimal.width400 .ck_subscribe_button, .ck_form.ck_minimal.width400 input[type="email"] { width: 100%; float: none; margin-top: 5px; } .ck_slide_up, .ck_modal, .ck_slide_up .ck_minimal, .ck_modal .ck_minimal { min-width: 400px; } .page .ck_form.ck_minimal { margin: 50px auto; max-width: 600px; } .ck_first_name {display:none;} .ck_powered_by { display: none !important; }

P.S. If you’d like to receive snail mail from me, hop on my SNAIL mailing list!

The post Live podcast magic is here! appeared first on ⚡️Kristen Kalp.

Simple + helpful ways to defeat asshole brain

After more than a decade of biz coaching work, I’ve noticed that solopreneurs struggle with asshole brain in VERY specific ways that often end in self sabotage.  So!

Let’s walk through six really friggin common ways asshole brain will mess with you and your work.

I’ve been living with depression and its kissing cousin, asshole brain, for more than 2 decades now. PLEASE let yourself learn from this work without shame or guilt! Each subset links to a podcast episode or article of mine that will help you explore each aspect of overcoming asshole brain a bit further.

Asshole Brain will tell you to give up.

It will tell you to abandon…everything. Absolutely everything.

The specifics may include: your career, your work, your marriage, your internal goals, your boundaries, your hopes, your friends, and your fiercest talents.

Asshole brain always has a word about what you’re doing, why it absolutely sucks, and why you should give up. ALWAYS.

What if you go all in instead?  not the worst thing that ever happened to me.

More subtly, asshole brain will try to get you to walk away from the work you’re doing at this moment.

You sat down to work on that project or painting or piece of writing.

You’re finally answering those emails and DMs and voicemails and messages and texts.

You’re all set to begin tackling that organization project or those systems you need to set up or to create an email list to connect with your peeps.

But suddenly! The laundry! The phone! The need to doomscroll! The kids’ needs that aren’t at all urgent but WOW IT’S BETTER THAN DOING THIS!

Also you’re hungry! You’re tired! You need to ‘just check in on’ social media before you can begin! The toilet needs to be cleaned URGENTLY! And on and on it goes.

Asshole brain fights for control of your thoughts by letting you get to the knife’s edge of doing your work in the world — and then it pipes up about THE URGENT NEED TO BE DOING ANYTHING ELSE.

But. What if you get fierce about your priorities and identify the actions that actually move the needle of YOUR business forward?  Lemme show you how to get started.

Should you find ways to do your work consistently, asshole brain does NOT want you to be seen.

When you enter into doing work that’s public in some way — say, for example, you’re a business owner who puts anything at all on the internet 😉 — asshole brain will curl into the mental equivalent of an armadillo under threat.

All armor.

Nothing goes in or out.

Remain still and hope for the best.

You’re basically in vulnerability bunker mode.

This armadillo phase results in hiding, freaking out, procrastinating, and possibly buying other people’s tools/prompts/done-for-you kits so you can have something to say. It might also end with repeating what ‘works’ even if it doesn’t enrich your soul in any capacity.

::cough aggressive sales funnels and tripwires cough::

Unfortunately, being truly seen is the only sustainable way to feel as if we belong anywhere.

If vulnerability gives you the heebie jeebies, listen to or read Vulnerability 101.  I’ll walk you through ways to begin to be vulnerable online. (It’s something I’ve been doing for 11 years now!)

If your particular fear of being seen involves having an email list and sending zero communications per year, check out How to F*#*ing Communicate! This short class and workbook combo will help you figure out what to send, and when, with less stress and fewer freakouts.  Promise.

Oooh another one! Asshole brain remembers every bit of training that you’re veering from when you decide to try something new. It wants you to do everything ‘right.’

Those college classes that weren’t helpful but were ‘official’ in some way? It remembers.

The courses and coaches and teachers and mentors who have had an opinion about your work over the years? It remembers.

Asshole brain will beat you up about all the ways you’re veering from the path, even as it also declares the VERY SAME PATH stupid and useless and then concludes that you should just give up anyway. (SEE HOW SNEAKY THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS????)

You don’t have to do anything the way everyone else is doing it. You don’t have to whip up business offerings that look like what everyone else is making.

You don’t even give a fuck about what your past mentors have said. everything I had learned in that space. Unlearning has been a deeply difficult and ultimately satisfying pursuit, ’cause now I can help you Go Your Own Way in business.

Should you succeed in making a thing! Asshole brain will try to negate the work you’re doing because it isn’t ‘official’ in some way.

Maybe you’re trying something new.

Maybe you’ve recently taken up a hobby.

Maybe you finished creating your next business product and it’s ready for launch.

Maybe you have written nonfiction all your life and you’d just like to write a single poem.

This is when asshole brain will remind you that you’re a [JOB TITLE HERE], not a [MAKER OF THE THING YOU JUST MADE].

It will also get really hung up on titles and certifications and degrees and ways that you can’t possibly be qualified to do the thing you just friggin did.

What if you let your deep knowing drive the bus? What if you didn’t listen to the voices that say you’re not qualified or certified or capable of doing the things you’ve already done? We can work around being ‘official’ when we’re in touch with our intuition.

At the opposite end of the spectrum, in which you are basically frozen in place! Asshole brain wants you to THINK about your work more than it wants you to DO your work.

When you think about writing the book or painting the painting or building the website or helping the clients or opening the studio or renting the office, you’re fine. Pin 3,000 photos of your dream office to Pinterest and your brain is SO FUCKING HAPPY. You’re SAFE. You’re in Imagination Land, flitting from flatlay inspiration to new website template idea to paint colors to furniture choices to planning your perfect bookshelf.

But!

Action makes asshole brain freak out.

When you call to make an appointment for touring the office or write another 1,000 words for your novel or investigate website hosting or send out the invitations to the open house, asshole brain goes into full blown freakout mode.

Making and sharing your truest work is vulnerable. And asshole brain doesn’t want to be vulnerable. (See: vulnerability 101 — you can do this!)

If you’re the thinking-about-it-thinking-about-it-thinking-about-it type, what’s the smallest bit of action that needs to happen in order to move your work forward? You’re capable of taking those steps.

If overthinking is a HUGE problem for you… The M-School podcast series will help you place some structure around your daily work, as well as help you reframe your weekly schedule in a way that’s both enduring and flexible.  (M stands for Magic, and I’m fairly certin you’ll love everything about M-School!)

If procrastination, the need to go back to school or be ‘official,’ the constant critique of ‘you’re doing it wrong,’ amped up distractions, and the ever-present ‘just give up’ chant don’t take you out of the game, asshole brain gets more subtle.

In some cases, you’ll prioritize others’ work over your own. You’ll find no time for your ‘real’ work and let other people’s needs take over your schedule.

This is easy to do if you’ve got kids! You could take 30 minutes to work on that thing, or you could cut out early and go back to the ever-present needs of tiny beings. This becomes a habit, et voila! You’ve never got time to do YOUR work again.

Similarly, you might prioritize grant seeking or fundraising for your clients or beloved organizations, not yourself. You might convince yourself that you’re not that big a deal, and anyway the deadline for that grant is close at hand. You’ve got no time. You’ve got no chance. (AND there we are, back at ‘you should probably give up.’ Asshole brain is predictable that way!)

I used to spend HOURS ghostwriting for clients each day before I would work on my own blog or podcast or books or classes. It was only by consciously shifting my schedule to be mine first, others second that I shifted out of this mode of asshole brain.

In other cases, asshole brain might convince you that your career doesn’t allow for this — whether this is a promotion, a demotion, starting a business, stepping away from your business, or shifting gears into a new realm. Also it will say you should probably go back to school, thus delaying this shift for a number of years. It might even go on about how you should be at the next level (which doesn’t exist), and how your failure to be at the ‘next level’ means you should give up.

OH MY GOD IT’S SO CYCLICAL, ISN’T IT? WE’RE RIGHT BACK AT THE BEGINNING, WITH YOU GIVING UP.  ::facepalm::

Asshole brain’s ultimate goal is to keep you safe. This often means saying whatever it takes to keep you small, stuck, taking no risks, spinning in overwhelm (here’s how to stop the overwhelm), overthinking your every move, and generally freaking out.

This should be the part where I have an AMAZING OFFER that will SOLVE YOUR LIFE. Alas!  Asshole brain isn’t one of those things you can outrun or outmaneuver in a single move.

The work of overcoming your particular flavor of asshole brain is a lifelong endeavor. (Read: it’s a real pain in the ass.)

You can do this.

You can refuse to believe the worst things your brain says about you.

You can make shifts that help you get your work done with less static from your thoughts.

You can learn to be vulnerable with your work.

You can begin to communicate regularly about your business with your clients.

You can allow yourself to dream, to grow, and to expand without losing months to procrastination or overwhelm.

You. Can. Do. This.

If you’d like my help doing it, please check out KK on Tap. We’ll tackle your particular flavor of asshole brain while making strides toward creating your most profitable and meaningful business.

::high fives::

P.S. I love you, keep going.

The post Simple + helpful ways to defeat asshole brain appeared first on ⚡️Kristen Kalp.

Bear Hebert talks capitalism, anti-capitalism, and space for imagination

Welcome to a surprisingly joyful talk about how to run a business that both meets your needs and subverts capitalism at every turn.

Bear Hebert is a life coach for liberation, radical business consultant, and social justice educator. They’re also brilliant and wise, which is why I invited them to the That’s What She Said podcast for a second time!  (First interview with Bear lives here!)

In this conversation, we’ll explore ways to:

+ Use imagination as an anti-capitalist tool (with a shoutout to adrienne maree brown)
+ Reframe business advice to determine whether it applies to YOU
+ Commit to both accessibility AND getting what you need within the confines of capitalism
+ Introduce anti-capitalist practices into your business in simple ways
+ Push back against ‘that’s just the way it is’ portions of capitalism
+ Be UNprofessional and enjoy the hell of it within your business
+ Show up generously — for yourself, and for those you serve

“A business is a world. We get to make the world we want to make.” — Bear Hebert

As we make our own business worlds, may this conversation help you find simple and clear ways to tame and subvert capitalism. May you hear words that speak to your soul, affirm your life experience, and give you a clear-eyed glimpse of hope on the horizon.

If you’d like to work with Bear Hebert, they can help you include more anti-capitalist practices in your business; undo patriarchy; or sort through thorny places in your existence with life coaching. You can also follow Bear on Insta for regularly mind-blowing insights. 😉

P.S. The roots of being able to subvert capitalism lie in defining what is ‘enough’ for you and your business at this moment.  Find your enough number with the help of this podcast episode!

The post Bear Hebert talks capitalism, anti-capitalism, and space for imagination appeared first on ⚡️Kristen Kalp.

Secret Tool Alert! Meet…Scope of Work.

In this episode of That’s What She Said, let’s walk through how feelings of overwhelm (and dealing with all things ‘unprecedented!’) can be tamed for your business by managing one simple concept: your scope of work. 

Listen in below or keep reading for a transcript(ish) version!

Your scope of work allows you to determine exactly how much capacity you have to work in the coming months.

It also means you don’t have to despair when you notice person after person roll out their ‘this is exactly what I’m doing this year’ emails full of compelling copy and amazing offers.

You don’t have to know what your work year will look like eleven to fifteen months into the future.

The most brilliant and amazing things I’ve ever made weren’t plotted out like points on a graph years in advance. They were simply the next right thing that wanted to be made, so I made them. If you’re beating yourself up for your inability to know what 2021 and 2022 and even 2023 will look like, you’re not alone. Also! If there’s anything the past year has taught us, it’s that your plans may be interrupted or eliminated by forces beyond your control. (Like how the thing I love MOST IN THE WORLD about my job is teaching in person, and that’s gone until vaccinations are widely distributed at herd immunity saturation levels across the globe.)

There’s a number at the heart of your business that will help you move through overwhelm and whatever the year holds with greater ease.It’s your scope of work: your current capacity to take care of your business without losing your sanity.

It’s okay if:

Your scope of work today is not the same as it was in 2019. (Mine is way smaller in scope.)

You have less capacity for work today than you did at some point in the past. (Post Covid, my brain takes about twice as long to write and to shape teaching materials as it did in 2019.)

Today’s version of you is overwhelmed more easily by thinking about your scope of work than you would have been at age 19, or 24, or whatever you’ve mentally tabbed as your glory days.

The pandemic has shaped and is shaping each of us as it moves through.

You might find diminished capacity in some areas.

That’s okay. You’re a human.

I’m here to help you stop throwing your hands up in angst when you try to look to the future of your business and instead you sink into the pit of despair. We’re trying to get to that spot where we’re not judging ourselves for our capacity, nor are we beating ourselves up for having failed to predict a global pandemic.

Okay? Okay.

Your scope of work is a function of time, money, and energy. It’s about working toward a place where you’ve hit ‘enough’ with all three.Let’s start with time.

For the purposes of keeping this scope from being overwhelming, let’s imagine the next three months.

How much time do you have to work in and on your business on a weekly basis?

Multiply that number by 12, and voila! You’ve got precisely the amount of time on your plate for tackling the next question.

______ hours per week x 12 weeks = _________ (exactly how much time you’ve got to work in the next 3 months)

Next up: energy.

This is an overlooked aspect of business planning! Everything your make or offer takes not only time, but energy. You may be dragging yourself from day to day, or your may have FANTASTICALLY WOW WOW levels of energy. You’ll need to be honest about your energy level patterns in order to create a scope of work that doesn’t completely suck you dry.

Which programs, products, or services are you actively offering at the moment?

How much energy/capacity do you have to fulfill those active programs, products, or services?

HINT: THE ANSWER IS NOT INFINITE.

Marketing gurus the world over will talk about evergreen products, passive income, and making bajillions of dollars in 3.7 seconds using only click funnels and Facebook ads. But the answer to how much you can sell in the coming months is NOT infinite.

There’s a cap on how much follow-up, customer service, tech help, and individual attention you (and your employees/subcontractors) can provide at any one time.

What’s your capacity for fulfilling your services in 2021?

If, for example, you’re a wedding photographer, you can’t suddenly book and fulfill 317 weddings this calendar year. Your body, mind, and spirit can only support X clients. What is X? ‘Cause that’s your scope of work.

Likewise, how many sales can your business handle before overwhelm wins or the wheels come off? How much energy do you have for your business in THIS moment of 2021?

Selling evergreen products isn’t without its headaches and energy drains, so nope, you can’t sell 34,000 of that item without any hiccups this year. What’s your capacity for marketing and selling products and programs in the coming months?

Compare that against how much time you’ve got, and you’re closer to defining your scope of work in a way that’s actually doable. It’s easy to say you’ll write 4 books and 2 programs and take on 45 new clients! That looks fucking MAGNIFICENT written as a goal on your wall, doesn’t it?

But when you figure out that you’ve got 20 hours per week to work, times 12 weeks…meaning you’ve got 240 hours to work in the next three months…you can see how utterly unrealistic it is to ask yourself to write 4 books and 2 programs and take on 45 new clients.

This is NOTHING to feel bad about or beat yourself up for, okay? Capitalism skews toward goals being simple and MORE-based. I’ve seen this play out for clients who are looking for ‘more’ clients or ‘more’ sales. When they fail to define what ‘more’ is, it quickly becomes infinite and unreachable. You will NEVER feel like you’ve successfully gotten ‘more’ clients, ’cause the answer to getting more clients is…getting MORE clients.

Based on your physical, mental, and emotional energy — as well as the time you’ve got — what can you realistically handle creating, offering, and marketing in 2021?

Finally: money.

I’ve covered determining your enough number in this podcast episode in detail, so you can determine your ‘enough’ number and then come back here if your finances aren’t crystal clear at the moment!

A clearly defined scope of work helps you turn your current time and energy levels into what you deem ‘enough’ money.

How does your time and energy measure up to the earnings you’d like to bring in for the next three months?

When you’ve got the capacity to market and fulfill X products/services/programs, how does that alter your pricing?

Maybe nothing has to happen and your capacity matches your offerings.

Maybe your work is underpriced and so you need to raise some prices.

Maybe earnings aren’t the issue and acknowledging your current capacity instead of getting (more) burned out could help you feel less overwhelmed right now.

Maybe you’re totally burned out and need to take a break, so your usual numbers or estimates no longer apply.

I don’t know what your specific circumstances happen to be! I only know that nailing down your scope of work is helpful and stress-reducing.

Nailing down your scope of work leads to radical clarity.

Let’s say you need 6 clients per month. You talk with potential clients on calls before they purchase your services and about half of inquiries book. Fantastic! Then your scope of work is to have 6 clients, which means hosting 12 discovery calls per month.

I’ve seen KK on Tap clients go from swimming in ‘I JUST NEED MORE CLIENTS!!!!’ to ‘I need to book X discovery calls in order to get Y new clients.’ Can you feel the CALM that comes with that sentence? It’s finite. It’s not MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE. It’s a clear and precise number that’s actually doable.

Suddenly, most marketing efforts are reduced to one clear goal.

In this example, it’s getting discovery calls booked. I’ll talk about my clear goals ’cause that’s easier than making up hypotheticals about yours.

My scope of work this year includes the capacity to take good care of 20 year-long KK on Tap coaching clients, to create twice monthly That’s What She Said podcasts, and to host ongoing live breathwork meetups and a secret podcast for Together.

That means all my marketing efforts are geared toward one of two options. Instead of being like, ‘WHAT DO I SAY OH GOD WHAT DO I SAY…?’ I know that I’ve got to talk about either KK on Tap or Together, since those are my active programs at the moment.  (There are *3* spots left in KK on Tap, so reach out and talk to me if you’d like business coaching for the next year!)

What is it that you need to talk about, focus on, or spread the word about in order to fulfill your scope of work this year?

What’s a reasonable amount of work that takes into account all of 2021’s nonsense while keeping you active and challenged in your business?

Where can you let go of services, products, or programs that you resent, are no longer excited about, or actively hate — so that your scope of work is more fulfilling?

Where can you forgive yourself for your inability to perform, make, or market at pre-pandemic levels?

Where can you give yourself room to make, market, and enjoy your work without falling into the infinite ‘I NEED MOOOOOOOORE’ pit of capitalism?

When you’ve got a clear sense of what you’re capable of doing, as well as a hold on the ways asshole brain will try to trip you up (like yelling “You need mooooore!!!!” no matter what), you’re closer to defining your scope of work. Because your scope of work is grounded in the present moment and keeps an eye toward having enough time, money, AND energy, you’re free to do your truest work in the world without making outrageously impossible goals! (Oh, you’re going to write 14 books and singlehandedly stop the pandemic — while losing 34 pounds and eating only organic greens?  TOTALLY DOABLE, says asshole brain.)

I’d love to hear about your scope of work for the next three months!

What are you doing, making, dreaming up, marketing, or bringing to the world right now? Email me via k@kristenkalp.com, or shoot me a DM on Insta via @kkalp — FOR REAL FOR REAL.

P.S. How to overcome perfectionism and just keep shipping.

The post Secret Tool Alert! Meet…Scope of Work. appeared first on ⚡️Kristen Kalp.

Let’s talk Bunker Mode.

Now that the threat of Trumpism has been beaten back enough for science to once again matter in these United States, I have enough energy to talk to you about 2021! Hello, hi, we did it! We made it!

In some ways, it feels like the year of 2021 didn’t start until January 20th — when we saw a new President safely and peacefully installed in the United States government.

I wept when Kamala Harris was sworn in.
I wept when Joe Biden was sworn in.
I wept for the duration of Amanda Gorman’s poem. Her words are a living reminder that poetry can help us reach for and name our deepest struggles, as well as frame hope in such a way that we can feel it returning to us after being hidden for a loooooong time.

Today, I want to share a metaphor that helped me to weather the past year. A metaphor is a small thing — just a string of words — but also an enormous thing.

Naming what we’re feeling has tremendous power.
Feeling less alone has tremendous power.
Being able to articulate an experience has tremendous power.

So, let’s get into some tremendous power.

Psst! This is an episode of my podcast, That’s What She Said! You can find all 260+ episodes here.

Let’s talk Bunker Mode.

I first heard this term at a workshop with Rob Bell and Liz Gilbert. An attendee said that she wrote a script for Hollywood and sold the rights to it! A film was made! The thrill of having her work made into a feature length film was amazing! And then, the reviews. The reviews were so bad — so mocking, so derisive, and so lacking in positive critique — that this woman stopped writing. For years. She wanted to know how to start writing again. (If I read the room correctly, she also wanted to know if she could start writing again.)

That’s when Rob introduced this concept.

Bunker mode is exactly as it sounds: some vital and essential part of you goes into a bunker of the soul and refuses to come out.

Circa 2021, most people I see are in some form of bunker mode.

You’re wildly disoriented (WHUT THE FUCK IS GOING ON???? times ALL THE THINGS).
You’re exhausted from trying to live up to new challenges.
You cringe at the word ‘unprecedented.’
You’re trying to adapt to new policies and norms.
At a fundamental level, you’re scared. Your sense of security in the world has been threatened.

You retreat internally to that place where no other human can reach you, then hunker down and hang out, hoping no one will notice that you’re gone.

In bunker mode, we’re surviving. Not dreaming, not planning, not processing our experiences, not dealing with what is happening at any level.

Just. Surviving.

The trouble is, our society doesn’t allow for bunker mode. We point to those we perceive to be less fortunate and say THOSE people are allowed to be upset. THOSE people are allowed to be freaking out. THOSE people are given permission to shut down.

But you? NO BUNKER MODE FOR YOU.

We expect ourselves to Just Keep Swimming — no matter what.

So what if we’re facing a global pandemic and economic collapse, heightened calls for a white supremacist uprising, an ACTUAL FUCKING INSURRECTION, and a few million lives lost around the planet?

‘Just BE NORMAL,’ our asshole brain says.

‘Stop having FEELINGS. DEAL WITH IT,’ our asshole brain chides.

So we push it down. We do our best to stop having feelings. We wring our hands in private. We want to talk about ANYTHING but reality. We eat to stop having feelings. We refresh the news with increasing regularity. We doomscroll. (Or at least, I did!)

Objectively speaking, any one of the events of the past year is enough to trigger bunker mode. We go down deep into ourselves and/or our screens, and we don’t come out until the threat is perceived to be over.

Personally, bunker mode was cemented when I saw a police drone the size of my VW Beetle hovering above the house in Portland last June. I shook for days. D-A-Y-S. I couldn’t concentrate. I had obsessive thoughts about living in a dystopian novel. I panicked. I cried. I withdrew and did breathwork as much as possible. I started doing yoga to be able to cope with being alive. Which brings me to the big question…

Are you in bunker mode at the moment?

If yes, you’re in good company. Most every one of my clients is dealing with some form of bunker mode or another! Some industries no longer exist. Other industries are on their knees, barely surviving. Not one client has reported that homeschooling children in addition to owning a business is The Most Fun Ever.

Bunker. Mode. Is. Normal.

Since part of my job is to share my deeply personal experiences and shine a light on the ‘hey this is a universal human experience!’ parts of my life, please allow me to share what I currently know about this phenomenon.

When you find yourself in bunker mode, LOWER YOUR STANDARDS.

Maybe in 2019 you could bang out some portion of your work in 23 minutes, but now that same task takes more like an hour and a half. That’s normal. That’s everyone. Most people I talk to say they feel like they worked twice as hard to get half as much done in 2020.

It’s hard to concentrate.
It’s hard to plan for the future.
It’s hard to know what’s going to happen, at any level, in the coming year.

Instead of trying to hustle like it’s 2019, beating yourself up for being unable to weather a global catastrophe unscathed…what if you acknowledge that 2021 is different?

What if you don’t hold yourself to unattainable standards of perfection — just for this year?

What if you don’t decide to quintuple your income by working 3x harder — just for this year?

What if you let yourself rest and take breaks instead of doubling down on time at your desk — just for this year?

Screaming TRY HARDER at yourself in bunker mode doesn’t help.

I can confirm for you that screaming TRY HARDER at myself internally each day didn’t help much. Neither did forcing myself to sit at my desk and work. Dreaming about holding workshops at various event locales around the world when travel is banned made it worse. Beating myself up for failing to bang out podcasts and other forms of communication at my standard 2019 rate made me feel like I had even less to say.

What if you could be kind to your being and your body for weathering this ‘unprecedented’ storm by going into bunker mode?

What if you could find ways to be kind to your spirit and your body each day?

What if you’re not WRONG for being freaked out?

What if it’s okay to feel overwhelmed and anxious, grief-stricken and hopeful — all in the course of a few minutes?

What if your thriving in 2021 could be measured by ANYTHING but the traditional trappings of success — minutes meditated versus dollars made, paintings painted versus followers gained, words written versus sales created?

What if you set your own standards for your time in bunker mode — and you let those standards be entirely joy-based?

Regardless of where you’re existing at this moment, I hope this podcast helps you frame your experiences within the context of normalcy.

You’re behind on email? Obviously.
You’re overwhelmed by all the changes to the world as you knew it? Of course.
Afraid of contracting Corona but unable to stay inside for every moment of every day or you’ll lose your sanity? ME FRIGGIN TOO.

You’re not alone.
You’re not broken.
And you are, whether you like it or not, deeply loved.

If you’d like my support for weathering 2021 in your business — bunker mode or not — KK on Tap coaching spots are open!

You’ll work with me and about 20 fellow Tappers for a full year. If you’d like to make more money and meaning in your business, keep yourself accountable for doing your work, or deepen your experience of being alive on this planet, I’m ready to help! Head to kristenkalp.com/tap and check it out, or shoot me an email by filling out the form below!

Name* First Last Email* Phone*What's got coaching on your mind? Tell me EVERYTHING.*Which service(s) are you interested in at the moment? Please select all that apply!*KK on Tap (1-on-1 and group coaching virtually for 1 year)Steer Your Ship (1-on-1 and group coaching LIVE and IN PERSON)LIVE workshop in late 2021/early 2022PhoneThis field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged. jQuery(document).bind('gform_post_render', function(event, formId, currentPage){if(formId == 1) {if(typeof Placeholders != 'undefined'){ Placeholders.enable(); }jQuery('#input_1_5').mask('(999) 999-9999').bind('keypress', function(e){if(e.which == 13){jQuery(this).blur();} } );} } );jQuery(document).bind('gform_post_conditional_logic', function(event, formId, fields, isInit){} ); jQuery(document).ready(function(){jQuery(document).trigger('gform_post_render', [1, 1]) } );

May you find the resources you need to survive in bunker mode. May you be kind to yourself when you’re unable to do what was easy for you in The Before. May you rest when you need to rest; eat when you need to eat; and work when you need to work. May you feel 47% less alone when you hear these words. And may you know that bunker mode can’t and won’t last forever, even when asshole brain says it will.

The post Let’s talk Bunker Mode. appeared first on ⚡️Kristen Kalp.

I love you, keep going.

Last week, I recorded this podcast episode to encourage you to keep going through the dumpster fire-y parts of life.  I published the episode and within hours the Capital Riot started.  For the record: I denounce the January 6th insurrection, as well as Donald Trump, Donald Trump’s remaining followers, and white supremacy in all its forms.  Here’s hoping this podcast episode is a bit of balm for your soul.  (Here are hundreds more episodes of the That’s What She Said podcast.)

We’re in class and she half mumbles: “I think I have hysteria.”

This lovely human clearly believes she’s handling this pandemic FAR worse than anyone else on earth. And because she’s handling everything SO poorly, there must be something wrong with her. And when something is wrong in America, a diagnosis is in order.

My sense is that this is common among the peeps I work with, since being a deeply feeling human is generally mocked, discouraged, or ignored. So, for the record:

You do not have hysteria.

For hundreds of years, women have been diagnosed with hysteria for symptoms as wide-ranging as having emotions, seizures, fainting, living at the edge of town, refusing to marry, infertility, anxiety, pain, deafness, and the inability to speak. Hysterical women were ‘treated’ with a wide range of techniques: amulets, exorcisms, orgasms, torture, interrogations, and executions are the stand-outs over the centuries.

If you identify as female in this lifetime, you carry this pathological heritage in your bones. We are actively cultivated as girls to be quiet, content, and small. The smaller the needs you have, the more likely adults are to like you. (Take it from the quietest, silentest, shrinking-est girl child that ever walked the earth: adults LOVE THAT SHIT.)

Eventually, we enter adulthood afraid to be too loud, too needy, or too emotional.

The only trouble is, hysteria was a sham.

“Social deviances, such as deciding not to wed, are no longer considered symptoms of psychological disorders such as hysteria. … During the 20th century, as psychiatry advanced in the West, anxiety and depression diagnoses began to replace hysteria diagnoses in Western countries.” [source]

So basically, hysteria was a bum diagnosis that helped to consolidate power into the hands of the patriarchy, and its popularity among doctors has decreased significantly since the mid 1900’s.

If you think you’re too sensitive and that 2020 has been freaking you out too much; if your asshole brain has been telling you need to ‘stop crying and get your shit together;’ if your mental and emotional bandwidth are no longer what they were in The Before…

You do not have hysteria.

You are not ‘broken.’

You are not feeling ‘too much.’

You are not lost.

You are not useless.

You don’t need to ‘get your shit together.’

That’s asshole brain reacting to a perfectly horrific year in a way that blames and shames you. (Classic asshole brain!)

It’s perfectly reasonable to be upset by a global pandemic that upends the world economy and that has killed more than 1 in 1000 Americans. That’s over 365,000 deaths at the time of writing. Further, the politicization of wearing masks and the debate about the existence of Covid-19 itself is deeply troubling. You’ve witnessed an all-out assault on public safety practices and on science as a whole.

You are surviving a slaughter of the American people led by its sitting President.

It’s normal to be freaked out by that reality.

Further! It’s normal to experience depression and/or anxiety when your ability to interact with other humans has been ripped away. We have all experienced tremendous loss since the pandemic hit, and we’ve done it largely alone. Where there would normally be gatherings and get-togethers — particularly to mourn and grieve the loss of life — we have another day of pandemic to endure in relative isolation. We are, as Brene Brown says, hardwired for connection. Without connection, we experience real pain. Not made-up or imaginary pain. Real. Pain.

You’re not ‘crazy’ because your brain isn’t functioning like it did in 2019.

You’re not doing it wrong because you’re asking questions like

What is a life?

and Why am I here?

and What is my work?

and How will I survive another year of this shit?

You don’t need to be treated for a nervous condition because your views of life, of society, of the human race, of politics, and systemic oppression have shifted in the past year.

If you’re disoriented and don’t know what’s true.

If you feel like you used to know things and now nothing is for certain.

If you’ve never been this tired and you know there are many months to go.

If the light at the end of the tunnel isn’t nearly bright enough or close enough to matter at this moment.

If your nervous system regularly shifts into freakout and panic mode.

Yes.

Of course.

Exactly.

I’m with you.

There’s The Really Hard Thing that’s happening: Covid-19 continues to mutate and circulate around the earth.

And then there’s beating yourself up for the ways you’re failing to handle The Really Hard Thing that’s happening.

It’s okay to feel lots of things right now.

It’s also okay to be a little numb.

Since the pandemic started, I’ve seen more of my own shadow and malice and hatred than I knew existed. I’ve gone to darker places than ever before, and I’ve also been tempted to give up on everyone and everything in all of existence. Multiple times a day, but particularly when I check in on what the remaining Trump supporters are up to right now.

If full and specific disclosure helps (WARNING: VULNERABILITY AHEAD), I’ve cried so hard I thought my organs were going to leak out my eyeballs.

I’ve considered walking into the street and yelling “Fuuuckkkkk!!!” at the top of my lungs every single day, just to break up the silence and make sure my voice still exists.

I’ve been hideously mean and angry and stomped around demanding to be left alone, then been done with being alone a few minutes later.

I have been moody, I have been frail.

I have freaked out.

I’ve given up on figuring anything out and smoked weed. So much weed. (Here’s The Cannabis Episode if you’re curious!)

I’ve spent hours brainstorming ways to humiliate and shame Donald Trump for his crimes against humanity.

Those feelings are normal human emotional reactions to chaos, fear, uncertainty, grief, dread, ennui, isolation, and genocide.

You do not have hysteria.

You are a human being

having profound reactions

to circumstances

that have shattered

the way the world operates.

 

We are all human beings

having profound reactions

to circumstances

that have shattered

the way the world operates.

Where you can laugh, laugh.

Where you need to grieve, grieve.

But please, don’t box yourself into a tiny corner in which your only option is to smile silently and endure.

You don’t have hysteria. You’re not broken. You’re not crazy. And you’re not alone.I love you, keep going.

USEFUL THINGS ALERT!  A few things I’ve made that might help you handle those big feelings:

How to Breathe Through Panic with Josh Solar — this podcast episode will walk you through DEAD SIMPLE ways to root into your body when you’re experiencing intense feelings of any kind. Josh is a reiki master, breathwork practitioner, and musician, and you’ll meet him if you ever attend a Together breathwork class.

If you need a simple way to release unfelt emotions and process all the yuck that lives within you — nonverbally! — breathwork can help. YUP you can still sign up for monthly breathwork with Together! It’s $22 a month through August, and includes a library of past classes, secret podcast episodes by yours truly, and live breathwork classes each month!

Here’s what peeps had to say about breathwork:

Thank you, for offering up breathwork. It’s a tool I have loved having access to, that has surely helped me beyond what I can consciously recognize, and I am laughing even now at the fact that yes, somehow, with a global pandemic and all the injustice happening in this country and the dissolution of my marriage (the practical part, if not the legal part) and the whiplash of my employment situation (steady-ish, now)… somehow, I have arrived at such a loved and loving space. My sincerest gratitude. — Kerilee H.

I am a hard analyser and often get analysis paralysis and perfectionism issues. Dissociating from my body is normal. YOUR CLASS ALLOWED ME TO GET BACK INTO MY BODY and out of my head. — Noelle W.

The day I did my first breathwork session with you, was the first day in my life I felt that I broke through to real, fresh, tangible air. — Marissa H.

If you’re like, “Yah but I want to try that shit out before I buy anything,” head to breathehealrepeat.com and grab the free breathwork class. It’s simple, and you’ll feel lighter by the end of our time together, guaranteed!

Try breathing through panic.

Try breathwork for free.

Try breathwork in community for 2021.

No matter what: I love you, keep going.

And happy 2021!

P.S. No really — give breathwork a try now!  Here’s your free breathwork class, Lighter.

The post I love you, keep going. appeared first on ⚡️Kristen Kalp.

An Invitation to Let Your Deep Knowing Drive the Bus

I lost the future for a bit, there. The past four years got me so tangled up in Trump’s antics and generally FREAKING OUT that when the pandemic hit, I burned my plans and sat down for A Very Long Time.

Every human interaction outside of the people I live with: canceled.

Every workshop or class or retreat I wanted to make or attend or hold this year: canceled.

My sense of knowing what tomorrow might hold: ABSOLUTELY GONE.

If you’ve lost the ability to plan for or sense the future: hi, hello, welcome. Me, too.

Between American politics and the pandemic, I’ve never had more trouble connecting to my own depths, desires, and needs.

In fact, I’m tempted to spend every waking moment flailing like Kermit and/or freaking out like Moira Rose.

This podcast episode is here to help you connect with your interior continent, ask deep-ass questions, and maybe even make some plans for your life and business in the coming months.

Before we dive in! One of the things that might help to keep you from drowning in your own life is actively creating structure, which is something I’ve taught extensively about on the podcast. Structure, rhythms, and routines are something we creative peeps fight against AND ALSO DESPERATELY NEED. These five podcast episodes are a highly condensed version of most everything I know about creating gorgeous, stable structures for your time and attention.

Listen to the Structure That Doesn’t Suck series now. 

Now, let’s talk money fruits!

If you suspect that you’d like to do something in your business differently in a year or two, start planting the seeds for the new thing now.

Take the class, get the certification, scope out the cost of renting a studio; write down the workshop curriculum, start a wait list, ask past clients to do a dry run with you; schedule time to write the sales page, shoot the video, make the course, or get the images you’ll need to accompany the project.

I read somewhere that we overestimate what we can do in a single year and underestimate what we can do in five. Go with that, holding everything that may happen as loosely as possible.

What would you like to have made, in five years?

Who would you like to have worked with, interacted with, or made something with?

What would you be heartbroken to tell people you HAVEN’T done in five years?

To reach the ripening of the money fruits, plan for constant experimentation. Adjust accordingly.

Most people treat plans and planning as a once-and-done activity best suited for the start of the new year, not an exercise in continuous canceling, crossing out, and readjusting the sails.

That promotion didn’t work? Adjust.

You thought you’d be having a glorious day of sex, but instead you ended up holding your best friend in the vet’s ‘comfort room’ while a vet named Dr. Stark put her cat to sleep? Adjust.

You figured you’d have budgets, credit cards, and all things financial figured out by now? Adjust.

There’s no shame in adjusting.

If and when you really, truly believe that, you’ll move through your life far more swiftly and with much less guilt than ever before.

As you get used to both looking forward and adjusting the sails for today’s weather, you get more of a sense of spirit, intuition, deep knowing, or whatever you choose to call this phenomena.

You beat yourself up less for being human or for letting life happen to you.

You also let the reins go a bit more, since you’ll never be in charge of things like whether today is rainy, whether a pet is sick, whether your client will show up to that meeting, or whether you’re going to get food poisoning from that new restaurant.

As you adjust, with ever more subtle listening and precision, you’ll find the way through life that is distinctly yours.

Here’s a diary entry from 18 months ago, and it’s profoundly vulnerable to help you see the wrestling as it happens:

“It feels like the river is flowing in a different direction and that direction is away from California, at least for now. It feels fuzzy to think about — no longer OBVIOUSLY CALIFORNIA YES — since I looked at Portland and discovered that Philly has had both the same amount of rainy days and more rain than Portland in 2018. So, myth that I cannot live there: busted.

Also Portland is the same price as here, and 90 minutes from the ocean like here, and otherwise my people’s home, since you can drop shrooms and smoke weed and read books and make art and have fantastic food and go outside every minute that it’s not raining, minus the Philly attitude and general East-Coast go go go go go-ness.

That decision also feels a bit logical, though, like: how easy and relieving is it to give up on California, when clearly it’s something I’ve wanted since the moment I visited? But when I consider bigger things, like will I like the people of Laguna/Orange County? No. Do I like the traffic? No. Is there public transport? No. Does it cost 3-5 times more than here? Yes. BUT WILL I HAVE THE OCEAN? Yes.

We could very easily live in the most magical place on earth but spend every minute trying to earn enough to live there, which would defeat the purpose.

It feels like it’s all up in the air right now. And that’s hard. Like, weeping hard. Giving up on a dream is hard. Switching dreams is hard. Not knowing is hard.”

Letting your deep knowing drive the bus often boils down to paying constant attention to your energetic and emotional weather.

I could have pretended that California was still the dream — “Yah, we’re saving, just a few more years!” — and used it as a reason to stay in Pennsylvania for a lot longer. But instead, Bear and I had conversation after conversation about what it might mean to move to Portland, including how that would look on the job front, the mental health front, the friend front, the financial front, and the business front. We had lots and lots of discussions, and lots and lots of enjoying of the current home we’ve made together. Portland might not be the most magical thing that’s ever happened to us, or it might; all we know is that it’s the next step, and we’re taking it together.

Letting your deep knowing drive the bus means noticing when energy for a person, place, or project drops significantly, as well as noticing when you can’t wait to work on something new.

Sitting here 18 months in the future, I can assure you that Portland was NOT the best thing that ever happened to us.

Making the decision to move away from Portland was predicated upon a number of factors. These included the daily sightings of police drones, military transport, and police helicopters over our home; the increased presence of Proud Boys and other alt-right groups in the city; increasing isolation due to extended lockdown and my own fear of walking alone in the city for any reason; and mounting costs to remain in an overpriced, under-resourced shoebox of a home thousands of miles from those we held dear. (TL; DR, it fucking sucked.)

AND being in Portland helped us trust each other more deeply, rely on each other more heavily, see ourselves more clearly, and take in the scope of the personal and political work before us with absolutely outstanding clarity.

Sometimes you make two cross-country moves in a year, ’cause you’re following the deep knowing where it leads. Bear and I can both see that with the way 2020 went, we wouldn’t have survived the outside forces pressing on us in Philadelphia. His job would have crushed him, and I would have spiraled out of control because there wasn’t a money-making imperative to keep my feet on the earth.

In some ways Portland completely crushed us;

and in other ways it completely saved us.

That’s the bullshit of following your deep knowing:

It might crush you.

It might save you.

And it might do both simultaneously,

just so you remember you’re alive.

Some questions to help you follow your deep knowing:

Does that dream apply like it did yesterday?

Am I actively letting myself dream a different life than the one I imagined at age 8 (I drew a Kmart in my house so I’d never have to leave it for silly things like groceries or sunscreen), the one I imagined at 18 (I shall be a poet — in a houseboat — who lives on sunshine), or the one I imagined at 28 (I will be married…to this one dude…forever…and life will always suck…)?

Are there any places where my attitude has shifted, my energy has dropped, or my emotional landscape has changed dramatically? What might that mean?

Is there anywhere that my reality conflicts with that of my family, parents, partner, or peers? Am I willing to step into the wilderness that our differing beliefs will cause?

Are there any plans that should be put on hold for the sake of preserving my own health or maintaining my inner landscape?

Is there anywhere that I just have to be patient? (THIS IS THE WORST. WHY THE PATIENCE? WHYYYYYYY?)

If I would let spirit/intuition/deep knowing drive the bus — truly, all the way — what would I stop doing immediately?

Likewise, what would I start doing immediately?

I don’t have any easy answers, which is mostly why I try and help you listen — by asking good questions, by pushing breathwork on you at every turn (a free class awaits you here, give it a try!), and by reflecting your truest desires back to you when I see them dart past, like a bright fish flashing past in murky water.

You’re perfectly capable of listening closely, adjusting accordingly, and then giving up the control of your life’s big picture to what wants to be made.

The life you’ll end up with is probably not precisely what you planned at age 8, but I’ll wager that it’s a damn sight more fulfilling than having a Kmart in your basement.