S.D. Perry's Blog
October 5, 2013
Facebook Anxiety
NOTE: Contains cursing and gratuitous words.
So I’m on a deadline, which means I trawl Facebook way more often than usual, since I’m stuck at my computer. I work for a few hours, break for ten minutes, poke around. And my kids have birthdays next week, and I’ve still got a lot of work to do, so I think, “I should post something about how stressed I am.” I don’t post often, I’ve never really examined why, but reading my friends and acquaintances chatting, I get caught up, wanting to share. And I was trying to think of some humorous analogy for stress, but at the same time, I was thinking of all those quasi-medical studies that show stress actually causes cancer, and what I came out with was, “If stress causes cancer, I’m riddled with it.”
I actually typed those words in my little share box, and then I thought, hey, that might be disrespectful to people who actually HAVE cancer, or have had to deal with it in their families, and THEN it occurred to me that it might look like I was trying to say, Hey, I have cancer, in some stupid, bizarre, desperate bid for attention or help… Anyway, I erased that post—rightfully so, it was SO not what I was trying to go for—and decided to start over.
So, round two. I decide to post this:
Not often, but very rarely every now and then, I have these ridiculous, bizarre crazy thoughts, like, half a step from insane thoughts. Anyone else? You know, the stuff you wouldn’t admit to if you had a gun to your head? “Like” if you have any idea what I’m talking about.
In MY mind, I was thinking about my terrible stress analogy, and also about sudden random impulses or ideas that occasionally come to mind. I believe everyone has these. Nothing seriously crazy, like, I want to murder that puppy, or maybe I’ll cut my legs off now… I’m talking about the vague, odd, quirks of thought that are just embarrassing or strange. I don’t get this one myself, but I’ve often heard mentioned the feeling of wanting to jump, when standing on a tall bridge or building. Another example: vividly imagining your waiter naked, suddenly, one day at lunch. Not in a lusty way, just realistically, some random out of shape waiter, and you get a clear vision of his potbelly and saggy balls and chicken legs. Or, wondering what would happen if you were the last person in the world, some mysterious virus having taken out everyone else; what’s priority number one—shelter? Water? I have a friend who used to have anxiety attacks about the fear that she would suddenly start yelling something racist during her yoga class, for no reason. She wasn’t a racist, either. That’s the kind of crazy I’m talking; over-the-counter crazy.
But here, read it again, and imagine that the nice Christian lady at your work, the really, really judgmental one who you friended just to be friendly will be reading it, and possibly passing it along to management. Read it, and imagine what a totally insane person might post if they were contemplating driving headlong into traffic or drowning their children or something.
Not often, but very rarely every now and then, I have these ridiculous, bizarre crazy thoughts, like, half a step from insane thoughts. Anyone else? You know, the stuff you wouldn’t admit to if you had a gun to your head? “Like” if you have any idea what I’m talking about.
Holy crap. Not only do I sound insane, I’m inviting others to admit to possibly dangerous insanity. Chaos! I don’t want anyone to respond to that, in any way! Why would anyone Like that? Erase!
Finally, I consider that I will say, “I cannot post. I am strangled by too many variables.” And I look at it, and I scowl. What a say-nothing post, written to appeal to everyone, written to share nothing but my own impotence and my astounding need to analyze the fuck out of everything I even think. How embarrassing. What a failure of a post, by whatever amorphic standard to which I’m subconsciously holding. I sound like a total douche.
Then I don’t think anymore, just type, and this is what I ended up posting:
I've thought of, like, three different things to post, to properly express my current state of mind, but none are appropriate to Facebook. I may be some sort of deviant. LOLOLOL!
Just reading that makes me feel better. Less stress. The exclamation point slays me, no clue why. And I can now clearly see why it is I don’t often post, so, there’s that unasked question answered. And I’ve officially spent twenty minutes writing this random shit, instead of working. And on a deadline… Bad writer! Bad! And possibly deeply flawed and self-absorbed! Back to work, you! Those aliens aren’t going to write themselves...
So I’m on a deadline, which means I trawl Facebook way more often than usual, since I’m stuck at my computer. I work for a few hours, break for ten minutes, poke around. And my kids have birthdays next week, and I’ve still got a lot of work to do, so I think, “I should post something about how stressed I am.” I don’t post often, I’ve never really examined why, but reading my friends and acquaintances chatting, I get caught up, wanting to share. And I was trying to think of some humorous analogy for stress, but at the same time, I was thinking of all those quasi-medical studies that show stress actually causes cancer, and what I came out with was, “If stress causes cancer, I’m riddled with it.”
I actually typed those words in my little share box, and then I thought, hey, that might be disrespectful to people who actually HAVE cancer, or have had to deal with it in their families, and THEN it occurred to me that it might look like I was trying to say, Hey, I have cancer, in some stupid, bizarre, desperate bid for attention or help… Anyway, I erased that post—rightfully so, it was SO not what I was trying to go for—and decided to start over.
So, round two. I decide to post this:
Not often, but very rarely every now and then, I have these ridiculous, bizarre crazy thoughts, like, half a step from insane thoughts. Anyone else? You know, the stuff you wouldn’t admit to if you had a gun to your head? “Like” if you have any idea what I’m talking about.
In MY mind, I was thinking about my terrible stress analogy, and also about sudden random impulses or ideas that occasionally come to mind. I believe everyone has these. Nothing seriously crazy, like, I want to murder that puppy, or maybe I’ll cut my legs off now… I’m talking about the vague, odd, quirks of thought that are just embarrassing or strange. I don’t get this one myself, but I’ve often heard mentioned the feeling of wanting to jump, when standing on a tall bridge or building. Another example: vividly imagining your waiter naked, suddenly, one day at lunch. Not in a lusty way, just realistically, some random out of shape waiter, and you get a clear vision of his potbelly and saggy balls and chicken legs. Or, wondering what would happen if you were the last person in the world, some mysterious virus having taken out everyone else; what’s priority number one—shelter? Water? I have a friend who used to have anxiety attacks about the fear that she would suddenly start yelling something racist during her yoga class, for no reason. She wasn’t a racist, either. That’s the kind of crazy I’m talking; over-the-counter crazy.
But here, read it again, and imagine that the nice Christian lady at your work, the really, really judgmental one who you friended just to be friendly will be reading it, and possibly passing it along to management. Read it, and imagine what a totally insane person might post if they were contemplating driving headlong into traffic or drowning their children or something.
Not often, but very rarely every now and then, I have these ridiculous, bizarre crazy thoughts, like, half a step from insane thoughts. Anyone else? You know, the stuff you wouldn’t admit to if you had a gun to your head? “Like” if you have any idea what I’m talking about.
Holy crap. Not only do I sound insane, I’m inviting others to admit to possibly dangerous insanity. Chaos! I don’t want anyone to respond to that, in any way! Why would anyone Like that? Erase!
Finally, I consider that I will say, “I cannot post. I am strangled by too many variables.” And I look at it, and I scowl. What a say-nothing post, written to appeal to everyone, written to share nothing but my own impotence and my astounding need to analyze the fuck out of everything I even think. How embarrassing. What a failure of a post, by whatever amorphic standard to which I’m subconsciously holding. I sound like a total douche.
Then I don’t think anymore, just type, and this is what I ended up posting:
I've thought of, like, three different things to post, to properly express my current state of mind, but none are appropriate to Facebook. I may be some sort of deviant. LOLOLOL!
Just reading that makes me feel better. Less stress. The exclamation point slays me, no clue why. And I can now clearly see why it is I don’t often post, so, there’s that unasked question answered. And I’ve officially spent twenty minutes writing this random shit, instead of working. And on a deadline… Bad writer! Bad! And possibly deeply flawed and self-absorbed! Back to work, you! Those aliens aren’t going to write themselves...
October 1, 2013
Deadline and book sale
Warning: the following is extremely disjointed. I have keyboard-rrea. You can stop reading after the first sentence, if you bore easily.
So. I'm on a tight deadline for a super cool franchise book, rewrites due in two weeks, but I just heard that The Summer Man went on sale for October... All month, Amazon is selling it for $2. The Kindle version, I'm assuming. Honestly, along with avoiding reviews, I've kind of lost touch with how the book is doing. The first three weeks it was out, I couldn't stop checking Author Central for statistics; now I haven't looked in, like, three months. I've re-discovered that I don't take criticism well, and while the reviews were mostly positive, reading the bad ones hurt my feelings. Embarrassing but true.
Anyway! My whole entire point is that I know I should be pushing for sales, but I really have to crack on this deadline... And as is my habit, I've found a billion things to do to avoid just sitting down and hammering out the words. Both of my kids have birthdays next week (9 and 11; can you say, Chuck E. Cheese anxiety?), and I have to work a half shift on Thursday at the ambulance company, and I still have to shop for a Friday night sleepover, and we're out of paper towels. I certainly have more than enough to do, even without a deadline.
I'll make the date by staying up too late for the next two weeks, the stress of running behind usually kicks into high gear about now... But I'm totally procrastinating, right this second, by telling myself that I have to alert the social media about the book sale. As if it's important somehow, rather than a blatant attempt to avoid rewrites. Ha! I'm 43 years old and still squirm like a teenager with a book report due when it comes to deadlines.
OK, now I really have to work. If you haven't tried The Summer Man, it's totally worth two bucks, IMHO. Even if you hate it, it's, like, 600 pages long. Either way, I now feel like I've been boring, but refuse to erase this blog because I would lose my alibi for not writing about aliens. If you're still reading this, you're an enabler. Or, you're procrastinating worse than I am.:) Peace out!
So. I'm on a tight deadline for a super cool franchise book, rewrites due in two weeks, but I just heard that The Summer Man went on sale for October... All month, Amazon is selling it for $2. The Kindle version, I'm assuming. Honestly, along with avoiding reviews, I've kind of lost touch with how the book is doing. The first three weeks it was out, I couldn't stop checking Author Central for statistics; now I haven't looked in, like, three months. I've re-discovered that I don't take criticism well, and while the reviews were mostly positive, reading the bad ones hurt my feelings. Embarrassing but true.
Anyway! My whole entire point is that I know I should be pushing for sales, but I really have to crack on this deadline... And as is my habit, I've found a billion things to do to avoid just sitting down and hammering out the words. Both of my kids have birthdays next week (9 and 11; can you say, Chuck E. Cheese anxiety?), and I have to work a half shift on Thursday at the ambulance company, and I still have to shop for a Friday night sleepover, and we're out of paper towels. I certainly have more than enough to do, even without a deadline.
I'll make the date by staying up too late for the next two weeks, the stress of running behind usually kicks into high gear about now... But I'm totally procrastinating, right this second, by telling myself that I have to alert the social media about the book sale. As if it's important somehow, rather than a blatant attempt to avoid rewrites. Ha! I'm 43 years old and still squirm like a teenager with a book report due when it comes to deadlines.
OK, now I really have to work. If you haven't tried The Summer Man, it's totally worth two bucks, IMHO. Even if you hate it, it's, like, 600 pages long. Either way, I now feel like I've been boring, but refuse to erase this blog because I would lose my alibi for not writing about aliens. If you're still reading this, you're an enabler. Or, you're procrastinating worse than I am.:) Peace out!
July 24, 2013
Book update
So, Summer Man has been out for a couple of months, and I've slowly but surely become afraid to look at the reviews. The majority of them seem pretty good--page turner, fun, reminiscent of early King--but then there are these awful, mean-spirited comments sprinkled here and there. I got a number of one-star reviews because of THE LANGUAGE, as in swearing... I can't believe there are grown-ups out there who are offended by curse words. I find it shocking, actually. I mean, if you don't like it, don't read it, but basing a whole review on your inability to endure the F-word? I find that... well, kind of weird.
I dunno. I think that I thought that my book would come out and blow people away, and I have discovered that reality is much less climactic. Some people like it, others, not so much, but either way, I'm not suddenly rich or famous or respected. My life hasn't changed, really... Except that I've started avoiding the reviews. Apparently, my giant, fragile ego just isn't up to it.
I dunno. I think that I thought that my book would come out and blow people away, and I have discovered that reality is much less climactic. Some people like it, others, not so much, but either way, I'm not suddenly rich or famous or respected. My life hasn't changed, really... Except that I've started avoiding the reviews. Apparently, my giant, fragile ego just isn't up to it.
May 13, 2013
First Review
My book just got its first reader review on Amazon... Five stars! I don't even know what to do with myself. Unfortunately, I think my celebration will involve grocery shopping, picking up the kids, and cleaning the bathroom. However, yay!! The review was so nice. The reviewer defined herself as "exceedingly picky", and then used the word "superb"... I couldn't be happier.
May 8, 2013
Book is out...
So, my book became available yesterday on Amazon. I was at work all day--I work for an ambulance company part time, and had taken a 12 hour shift--but managed to sneak a heads-up to FB and Twitter. I'm such a noob with the social networking. I've had several people ask if I was having a book release party, or if I'm planning a book tour... me? Really? I'm a mom with a day job, a messy house, and a serious addiction to my couch when I'm not chasing children or working. Even thinking about planning a release party sounds exhausting.
Anyhoo. I'm psyched that the book is out, I've done as much promotion as I know how to do... And now I wait and see, I guess. I'm sure some people won't like it--the whole taste-is-subjective thing makes that inevitable--but I think I can count on mostly favorable reviews. I think, I hope. If you read the book and like it, please review it, or post somewhere! If the book does well, it means fewer 12 hour shifts for me.:)
Anyhoo. I'm psyched that the book is out, I've done as much promotion as I know how to do... And now I wait and see, I guess. I'm sure some people won't like it--the whole taste-is-subjective thing makes that inevitable--but I think I can count on mostly favorable reviews. I think, I hope. If you read the book and like it, please review it, or post somewhere! If the book does well, it means fewer 12 hour shifts for me.:)
February 17, 2013
1st blog, yay
So, I have a new book coming out in May, my first in quite awhile, and I totally want people to read it... But how do I get anyone interested? I have a handful of fans, mostly from having written a bunch of zombie books in the mid-90s, but this novel (it's called The Summer Man, and you can pre-order it right this very second from Amazon! See how cleverly I slipped that in?) has no zombies. The Resident Evil books were, like, survival horror, and this book is slower, big on character development, creepy, thriller-ish... There are some excellent murders in it, but no zombies. No automatic weapons or exploding heads. No Star Trek characters or Aliens, either, which is mostly what else I'm known for.
So here I sit, trying to figure out what to say to get people to read my book. My kids are chattering randomly at me, Spongebob's on the TV, I have a hectic, rotten work schedule coming up this week which I'm depressed about... It's Sunday late afternoon and I'm still wearing my robe (which totally needs washing; it has developed a smell) and I'm at a loss. How do I convince you to buy Summer Man? I would like money from sales, obviously--contrary to popular belief, many writers don't make much $$, and I'm no exception--but WAY more importantly, I'm proud of the book and I want people to read it and like it. I want to know what people think of the characters. I want the story to be admired, which is crazy-arrogant, but there it is. I've been writing for twenty years, and while I'm not the greatest (I read Joe Hill or Neil Gaiman and my pretensions are shot all to hell), I'm pretty good. I think. I want to know what readers think.
My agent and the book team at Amazon seem to think I should Tweet and blog and work my web presence, in order to create interest. I don't have the salesman gene, though... All I can think of is to be honest. Taste in fiction is subjective, so my style/plot may not be your cup of tea, but I think Summer Man is a neat story. It was neater before I had to cut it for length, but it's still neat, and I want to share it.
Anyway, that's my pitch. Buy it or borrow it, but please read it and post a review somewhere. I hope to have a web site someday soon, maybe with a message board. The book will be out in early May. If it's as good as I think it is (as I hope it is, as I meant it to be), it will do well. If it does well enough, I'll be able to cut back on my day job hours and write more. If not... Well, I'll still write more, but I'll likely publish a lot less often. Either way, I'd appreciate an opinion. Oh, by the way, the picture of me on Goodreads, the earnest-looking girl signing a book? That's not me. She's cute, but I have no idea who she is.
Thank you for reading. Peace, yo.
So here I sit, trying to figure out what to say to get people to read my book. My kids are chattering randomly at me, Spongebob's on the TV, I have a hectic, rotten work schedule coming up this week which I'm depressed about... It's Sunday late afternoon and I'm still wearing my robe (which totally needs washing; it has developed a smell) and I'm at a loss. How do I convince you to buy Summer Man? I would like money from sales, obviously--contrary to popular belief, many writers don't make much $$, and I'm no exception--but WAY more importantly, I'm proud of the book and I want people to read it and like it. I want to know what people think of the characters. I want the story to be admired, which is crazy-arrogant, but there it is. I've been writing for twenty years, and while I'm not the greatest (I read Joe Hill or Neil Gaiman and my pretensions are shot all to hell), I'm pretty good. I think. I want to know what readers think.
My agent and the book team at Amazon seem to think I should Tweet and blog and work my web presence, in order to create interest. I don't have the salesman gene, though... All I can think of is to be honest. Taste in fiction is subjective, so my style/plot may not be your cup of tea, but I think Summer Man is a neat story. It was neater before I had to cut it for length, but it's still neat, and I want to share it.
Anyway, that's my pitch. Buy it or borrow it, but please read it and post a review somewhere. I hope to have a web site someday soon, maybe with a message board. The book will be out in early May. If it's as good as I think it is (as I hope it is, as I meant it to be), it will do well. If it does well enough, I'll be able to cut back on my day job hours and write more. If not... Well, I'll still write more, but I'll likely publish a lot less often. Either way, I'd appreciate an opinion. Oh, by the way, the picture of me on Goodreads, the earnest-looking girl signing a book? That's not me. She's cute, but I have no idea who she is.
Thank you for reading. Peace, yo.
