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NOVEL: The Panic Pure, by Harper Kingsley [mm suspense] – Chapter Ten

Harper Kingsley - Author of sci-fi and fantasy, loves to babble about books, movies, comics, and whatever

Title: The Panic Pure

Author: Harper Kingsley

Genre: mm suspense thriller

Rating: mature

Summary: Daniel Worth, billionaire and CEO of Worth Enterprises is questioned by FBI agent Marshal Newman about the disappearance of one of his employees. They strike up a conversation and soon are regularly meeting and begin dating. However neither realizes just how close danger is lurking.

CHAPTER TEN

 Marshal woke to an overwhelming sense of well-being that left him confused for a moment until he recognized the warm body snuggled up against his side.

He leaned up on one arm and gazed down at Danny’s sleeping face. Danny looked so peaceful lying there and Marshal couldn’t help smiling at the way his lips pouted out adorably with every exhale. He was just so cute.

Seeming to feel the gaze on him, Danny yawned and opened his eyes, blinking up at Marshal. “Oh,” he said in surprise.

“Good morning,” Marshal said. He was careful not to make any sudden moves that might send Danny into a panic.

After a couple of seconds, Danny tentatively smiled back at him. “Morning,” his voice was sleep hazed, but he didn’t sound too upset to find Marshal in bed with him. “Do you want to get some breakfast?”

Marshal’s stomach gurgled. “Sure. I could eat.”

Danny laughed and climbed out of bed. He looked cute in his pajamas. They were dark blue cotton with thin vertical yellow stripes and looked like something out of a 1950s sitcom. With his hair tousled around his head and his bare feet, Marshal had to bite his lip just looking at him.

Marshal got up and went to the chair he’d left his clothes on and had to pause. “These have been folded and,” he lifted his shirt and sniffed it, “laundered.”

Danny barely glanced at him. “Yeah, they probably got picked up earlier this morning. This way you don’t have to go to work in dirty clothes.”

“But it’s a little creepy to me that someone came in here and took my clothes while we were sleeping,” Marshal said. “I don’t think I’m really into the idea of that.”

“Okay,” Danny said, heading into the bathroom. “I’ll let the staff know. I’m taking a shower now and I’ll meet you downstairs.”

Left standing there when the bathroom door closed, Marshal had to kind of wonder what had just happened. Then he laughed and shook his head. Danny was a real character.

He got dressed and sat down in the chair to pull on his shoes. Then he stood and adjusted his tie, running his fingers through his hair. He figured he would go down and eat breakfast, then he would come back up to brush his teeth.

Giving the closed bathroom door one last glance, he left the bedroom and headed down the stairs toward the dining room.

He should have felt completely awkward, but he felt perfectly comfortable. It was as though there was nowhere else he should be.

He was still a little unsure about what he was supposed to do when he came into the dining room and was greeted by Beatrice’s bright smile. “Good morning, Mr. Newman. Olivia’s been making pancakes, bacon, and fruit salad. Can I get you anything?”

“Can I have some of all of that and strawberry jam if you have some instead of syrup?” Marshal asked. “I don’t like syrup.”

“I’ll be sure to remember that,” Beatrice said, walking toward the door. “I’ll be back with your food shortly.”

“Well, shouldn’t you wait to ask Danny what he wants?” Marshal asked.

Beatrice laughed and shook her head. “Oh no, Mr. Worth always gets the same thing.”

“And what’s that?” Marshal asked.

“Fruit salad and yogurt.”

Marshal stared after her for a moment, then shrugged and sat down at what he was coming to know as “his” spot.

He had to think that the maids were kind of weird. They fell all over themselves to do anything they could for Danny, but the way they did it was sometimes a bit awkward.

It was as though they thought Danny was made out of spun glass and would shatter at any moment. If they could have, he was sure they happily would have wrapped him up in tissue paper.

The fact that they cared about him so much was kind of nice, since it meant he could be sure they would watch out for Danny when he wasn’t there. But it also meant that he sometimes felt as though they were silently judging him because there was no way he was ever going to be good enough.

He sighed and folded his hands on the table in front of him as he waited.

* * *

Retreating into the bathroom, Danny leaned against the counter for a moment to catch his breath.

It had taken every ounce of his self-control not to show how completely freaked out he was. Waking up with someone else in the bed with him was bad enough, but to then realize that no matter what he did he was going to end up late for work…

He scrambled for the bottom drawer and the prescription bottles stored at the back.

With trembling hands, he dry-swallowed a Alprazolam, then stripped off his clothes and climbed into the shower.

He didn’t know how long he stood under the water, but it was definitely longer than his usual shower. He just needed to get his thoughts in order before he was ready to go find Marshal and pretend that everything was all right.

By the time he’d dressed and made his way to the dining room, the drugs had kicked in and he wasn’t feeling a whole lot of pain.

He walked in through the arched doorway and went to his seat, giving Marshal a nod. “Good morning again.”

Marshal raised an eyebrow, his too-observant eyes reading Danny a lot clearer than Danny really wanted. “Good morning.”

“They’re not going to be mad that you’re late for work?” Danny asked worriedly. “They won’t fire you or something, will they?”

Marshal laughed and shook his head. “I’m not late. I don’t have to go in for another forty minutes. And even if I was late, Joanna would cover for me. At least, she better, considering how many times I’ve stuck my neck out for her. She’s the queen of being late.”

Danny’s shoulders loosened a little. “That’s good.” He lifted the lid off his breakfast and methodically began to eat the plain vanilla yogurt waiting for him. The fruit was his favorite, so he would save it for last.

He could feel Marshal glancing at him across the table and he tried to pretend that he was one hundred percent all right. He didn’t want to show off the fact that he’d woken up all out of sorts and hadn’t managed to get his head back on straight.

If there was one thing he really hated, it was being unable to maintain a normal demeanor around other people. It just seemed that no matter how hard he tried, his oddities got away from him.

But he also knew that if Marshal spent any length of time around him, he was going to realize that something was up. So he figured he was better off being honest than trying to pretend to be something he was not. Especially if he wasn’t going to be able to maintain a lie for any length of time.

“I’ve got to go to work very soon,” he said, biting the side of his lip.

Marshal’s smile was gentle. “I know. It’s all right to leave me, as long as it’s not forever.”

Danny focused on his spoon stirring slowly through his yogurt and chewed on his lower lip until it hurt enough that he forced himself to stop biting. “I’m sorry I’m so…”

Marshal held up a hand to stop him. “You don’t have to explain it to me. You already made yourself late for work.”

“Thank you,” Danny said, unable to help jumping to his feet. “I’ll see you later?”

“Of course,” Marshal said, putting on a faux-English accent. “I’m just going to finish this delicious breakfast, then I’m going to work. And after work I will come straight here and let you feed me a delicious dinner, and we will watch a wonderful movie, and maybe you might let me play with your Legos?”

Danny stared at him for a moment. Then he couldn’t help laughing. “I’ll let you play with my Legos anytime you want,” he said.

“Good. I’ve wanted to play with your Legos from the moment I first saw them.” Marshal popped a bite of sliced strawberry in his mouth. “I’ll probably be looking forward to it all day.”

“I’ll see you later,” Danny said, edging toward the door. A part of him desperately wanted to linger, but if he didn’t leave soon he was going to send himself into a full-blown anxiety attack. He could feel his schedule slipping away from him with every second that ticked passed.

Marshal was understanding. “I’ll be here.”

Danny rushed out of the dining room, already pulling his phone out of his pocket and calling Arthur. “Are you ready to go?” he demanded even before Arthur got to say anything.

“Of course,” Arthur said calmly. “Beatrice let me know that you’d be on your way out and I’ve been waiting for you.”

“Thank you!” Danny hung up and stuck his phone in his pocket. He ducked into his study to quickly grab his briefcase before rushing toward the front door, his shoes clattering loudly across the tile.

Just seeing the car waiting for him, he felt something sharp release. And when Danny climbed inside, slamming the door behind him, he felt as though he could once again be himself.

Still, he couldn’t help the twinge of regret that went through him at the thought of leaving Marshal behind like that. He wanted to go back and apologize for his hasty leave taking, but the nervous feeling building up inside him kept him from saying anything.

He had to get to work or his entire world would shatter into pieces. He just had to hope that Marshal could understand. He really didn’t want to scare the man off.

* * *

Marshal finished a rather leisurely breakfast, then went to get dressed.

He felt a little weird about how comfortable he was wandering through this giant mansion, but it was a case of either getting used to things or going completely insane.

He found his suit and began to dress. It was when he lifted the tie that he realized it wasn’t his.

His tie was made out of some cheap rayon-type material and he’d bought it at Walmart. The one he held in his hand had to be 100% silk. There was a label stitched inside that had him raising his eyebrows.

He didn’t know much about fashion, but he knew that name. Which meant he was probably holding a couple hundred dollars worth of tie in his hand, if not more.

Part of him maybe wanted to be upset at the thought that his super rich boyfriend was trying to buy him off or something, but it was Danny. There was no way that Danny had any kind of ulterior motive. He was just trying to be nice.

The thought that Danny was going out of his way to please him… it really did make him very happy.

A small smile quirked Marshal’s lips as he slipped the tie around his neck and began to knot it. The silk felt nice against his skin and a single glance in the mirror told him that he looked very good.

“Well, aren’t you a handsome stranger?” he murmured, smiling and giving his reflection a wink.

Marshal snorted and gathered up the rest of his things before heading toward the door. He needed to get out of this dream world or he was going to end up late to work for real, something he didn’t want to deal with.

He had a feeling that Joanna was already going to give him a hard time. She seemed to have a sixth sense about when he did things he wasn’t supposed to, and thus she could make him miserable with her teasing. It was her evil gift.

As he hurried down the stairs, he was met in the foyer by Beatrice.

“Here, sir, you should take this with you.” She held out a bright red nylon bag.

“What’s this?” he asked, taking it curiously. It was pretty heavy, and when he peeked inside he caught sight of plastic containers. He also got a noseful of delicious smelling food.

“Mr. Worth called and ask that we make sure you had something to eat since he won’t be able to meet with you at lunch due to a busy schedule.” Beatrice smiled at him sweetly, though there was a spark in her eyes that had him flushing slightly. “He wants to make sure you eat well.”

Marshal cradled the bag in the crook of his arm. “I’ll make sure to eat it all.” He made a mental note to remember to call Danny later and thank him. “I’ve gotta go now.” He jerked a thumb toward the door.

Beatrice just nodded at him. She was standing with her hands behind her back, her shoes black and glossy as she clicked them together sharply. Her dark hair had been braided, then pinned up on her head like something out of Heidi. Her apron was so white and starched to such near perfection that it was actually pretty daunting to face her.

“Well, I’m going,” Marshal said a trifle uncomfortably.

He turned and hurried toward the door. He didn’t know why he suddenly felt as though he were a young child, but that’s how she made him feel with just a look.

* * *

“When exactly did I sign up for all of this?” Danny asked, propping his chin on his fist. He felt tired and slow, one of the reasons he left the Alprazolam for emergencies.

“I don’t know when that happened, but now that you’re the boss…” Sophia shrugged. “You’re stuck with the job.”

He groaned and covered his face with his hands. There were just some days when he thought it would have been better if he’d never taken over the company. Then he’d remember just how terrible his life used to be and he thought that nothing could ever be that bad.

This, all of this, was so much better than anything he’d ever thought he could have.

“Can you bring me a cup of coffee?” he asked. “I seem to have a lot of work to do.”

Her smile was almost painfully cheery. “Certainly.” He watched her sashay out of his office, her heels clicking against the floor.

Sophia Hawthorne was a godsend. Without her he wouldn’t be able to operate in his day-to-day life and she refused to take any nonsense from anyone while ensuring that he actually did the work he was supposed to. She was the warm figure of authority that made sure everything at the office flowed smoothly, including him.

Along with Arthur, she had kept him from losing everything to his ignorance about the way the world worked. Without them, he would have quickly found himself under the thumb of some guardian chosen by the Board. The only saving grace was that his Aunt Lauren had been legally declared as unqualified for the role.

Danny hurriedly turned his attention away from thoughts of his aunt. She was gone; she couldn’t hurt him anymore. His life had become something beautiful and good and he wouldn’t let anything ruin it.

* * *

Researching Worth had taken most of the morning and the most fascinating information he’d found hadn’t been included in the official biography. It was what he read between the lines.

Daniel Worth had filed for emancipation from his legal guardian, no eyebrows raised there. Until he considered the fact that Worth had been forced to prove his mental fitness by four different experts before he was allowed to leave the care of Dr. Lauren Green.

“What was going on there?” he murmured quietly, a delighted smile tugging at his lips.

There was something about breaking someone that was already broken that added to the thrill. Would Worth scream and beg? Or would he look up out of shattered eyes and just accept what was being done to him with the calm resolution of someone already dead?

It would be wonderful finding out.

/CHAPTER

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“Paradigm Shift,” by Harper Kingsley [science fiction, mm]

Harper Kingsley - Author of sci-fi and fantasy, loves to babble about books, movies, comics, and whatever

Well, I’m currently working on “Paradigm Shift,” a story about a world where people are broken up into three sub-species: Firsts, Twos, and Thirds.

Firsts are stronger, faster and more aggressive, all of their senses and reflexes having been amped up by the genetic changes made by the Cure. They are type A personalities, no holds barred. They fill up the military and police. They run corporations and build empires.

Twos are normative humans. Not hyper-aggressive or super protective or dominant; they are normal people living normal lives. Some are brilliant or brave. They make up every walk of life.

Thirds were the lucky few that were naturally immune to the Phage Virus that took so many. The Cure changed them, giving them all — male or female — the ability to impregnate or be impregnated.

At first the Thirds were viewed as a genetic oddity, to be pitied or exploited. Then, decades later, the Plague hit and billions of people were instantly sterilized. Only the Thirds were immune to the Plague, just as they were immune to the Phage. They are humanity’s last hope, as any children they have will be fertile.

SUMMARY: Gregor Tierney has been hiding as a Two for most of his life, but now his cover has been blown. His status as a Third has been permanently tied to his Identity and all he can do is make the best of a bad situation.

He has been forced to enter the Duadenora Family as the chosen Bondmate of the Family heir. He can choose to Bond, or refuse and hope for a better offer. But he WILL be Bound, or he will be declared property of the State, all his rights and freedoms revoked.

He must choose and choose quickly. It’s just too bad his attention has been caught by someone else. Someone he can’t have.

A/N: That’s right, it’s an mpreg. I got to talking with someone and a request was made and I promised a somewhat realistic mpreg. So when the Idea Fairies started fluttering their wings, I got to writing.

It’s somewhat difficult creating a feasible idea for male pregnancy, but I hope I did better than the movie Junior. And I promise the story is more sci-fi intrigue, than horrible traumatizing ass babies. There is DEFINITELY none of that.

There’s romance brewing, but there’s more than that going on. Gregor is suspicious and schemy,  and the Duadenora Family is full of secrets and half-truths. Plus there’s a huge story-breaking reveal that will hopefully blow the hell out of some minds.

I’ve had such fun with this project and I hope you’ll enjoy reading it just as much.

~Pax

Ubiquitous EXCERPT:

Title: Paradigm Shift

Author: Harper Kingsley

Genre: science fiction, mm

Rating: mature

 CHAPTER ONE

 The state was instituting mandatory blood tests. He’d known it was going to happen sooner or later, but he’d let himself believe it was going to be more later.

Dread pooled in his belly. There wasn’t a single doubt in his mind that he was going to be busted.

After twenty-eight years of playing Two, he was about to be outed as a Third. The very idea horrified him.

“Whatcha staring at?”

Gregor nearly jumped out of his skin at the sudden hand on his shoulder. “Geez, Marcus, way to give me a heart attack.”

Marcus chuckled. “Way to be dramatic. Seriously, what are you looking at?”

Gregor pointed at the notice on his ePad screen. “They’re forcing everyone to go to the Public Health Stations and give blood. They want to find any unregistered Thirds.”

“Good,” Marcus said. “They shouldn’t be out on the loose because what if something happens? We could be facing extinction; there’s no room for them to be obstinate. We need them too much.”

“You don’t think it’s wrong to force them to breed?” Gregor could feel a cold sweat breaking over his body. He would have thought Marcus would understand, but it was looking as though he was wrong. “They’re not being given any choice.”

“It does feel a bit exploitive,” Marcus said, “but we need them or we could be looking at the end of the human race. They are the only ones able to bear young. And it’s not like they’re being tortured or anything. They are allowed to pick the First they’re going to breed with.”

“It’s awful. They’re being made to have sex whether they want to or not. It’s sick.” Gregor’s hands had curled into fists so he tucked them in his jacket pockets.

“It’s unfortunate that in vitro fertilization doesn’t work with Thirds. I wish things could be different.” Marcus sounded genuinely sympathetic. “But as it is right now, our species must do everything to survive.”

Gregor felt sick to his stomach. He couldn’t face what was going to happen to him without a little fortification. If he was going to lose his freedom, he might as well have something to miss.

“Come on.” He grabbed Marcus’ surprisingly muscular arm. “Let’s go get cleaned up. We’re going out tonight.”

Marcus’ grin was a little weak, but Gregor wasn’t in the mood for weakness. “Come on,” he pleaded, even going so far as to flutter his lashes and make himself as attractive as possible.

It seemed oddly easy to hustle Marcus to his own apartment. Maybe it was the rebellious part of him looking for one last hurrah! before he was locked away in a bower somewhere.

* * *

A lifetime of secrets ending, he didn’t know how to deal with himself. But he was afraid, very very afraid.

Gregor held his coat tight around himself as he stood in line with all the other T-Vs waiting for their blood tests. It was a quiet crowd, one that had been waiting long hours in the cold and most everyone just wanted to get it over with and head home.

He was probably the only one hoping his turn would never happen. He would happily stay in line until he died if it meant never being discovered.

“Ooh, coffee,” the woman ahead of him murmured to her companion. “I’m freezing.”

Gregor craned to see, and sure enough there were people moving through the lines with carts steaming with coffee. No one wanted a potential Third unhappy, and until it was proven otherwise, everyone here was being treated as though they could be the holiest of holies.

When one of the carts reached his position, Gregor took a disposable cup with a heartfelt, “Thank you.”

He sipped the coffee, wishing for milk and sugar, but grateful for something hot to hold in his hands. He had been waiting for what had seemed like a small eternity with dread growing in his stomach. Fear of discovery had evolved from a nagging reminder to something much deeper.

Idly, he wondered what they would do to him. Would he be hailed as some kind of precious find, or would he find himself locked in some bower servicing Firsts until he produced enough children for the State? The uncertainty is what bothered him the most.

The line jerked forward and he went with it, coming closer to the doors and the doom awaiting him within.

Gregor calmly raised his cup to his mouth, sipping at the bitter coffee. The taste steadied him somehow.

 

The sudden warmth of the building interior made him have to fight a flinch. His legs ached from standing for so long, but he knew there was no recourse for it. The building was only big enough to hold a certain amount of people and the appointments all overlapped, so if he tried to hang back, he could end up missing his slot and would receive a Public Sanction. He already had two on his record and he couldn’t afford to pay the fines a third one would cost him.

He followed the line forward until he suddenly found himself in front of a nurse with a scanning tool. His throat acquired a hard knot and he watched as a woman received a prick on the finger and several red drops were dripped onto a white cardboard disk that was examined with the scanner, which gave a cheerful busy sound as it worked.

Gregor looked around as casually as he could manage and knew there was no way he was escaping, not with the dozen or so guards in his vicinity alone. He would give his blood and be exposed. There was nothing else for it but to act with dignity.

The woman walked toward the exit and the line drew forward until Gregor was next. He could feel himself swearing under his winter coat, but it was a cold sweat. His hands had clenched into fists, but he couldn’t make them unfold. He could barely keep his teeth from chattering and he could feel the adrenaline he’d been battling all day increasing until all he could hear was his heart thrumming hummingbird fast and the voices of the people around him were just a confusing murmur of sound.

When the nurse spoke to him, he saw her lips move, but there was no meaning behind it. He let her guide him by the arm to stand in front of her machine. He felt the tug of the blood being taken, just a quick sting and only a few drops. And yet his fate was sealed.

He saw it on the nurse’s face when her machine made a new noise and she gave him such a look of awe that he could feel his blood pressure plunging. There was the rushing sound of the ocean in his ears and a copper taste in his mouth.

His knees folded suddenly and Gregor dropped, unconscious before he even hit the floor.

 

CHAPTER TWO

 Waking up took a lot out of him. He opened his eyes and it was so difficult he just lay there afterward, exhausted. He listened to the world around him while he acclimated.

From the sounds and a glance around the room he was in, Gregor assumed he was in a very expensive hospital, the kind of place he wouldn’t have been allowed to even walk passed before.

Except now he was a Third, destined to have so much more than he had ever deserved. It made him afraid.

There was the sound of the door opening and footsteps approaching from an angle he couldn’t see. He would have preferred that his bed face the door; it would have made him feel more secure. As it was, he had to wait until his visitor stepped into view before he knew what was happening.

“Ah, I see that you are awake. Good.” It was a dark haired woman in a white lab coat buttoned all the way to the top and serious pumps on her feet. The smile she gave him seemed completely alien to her face, but there was obvious sincerity behind it. “I am Doctor Elizabeth Czernada. It is very good to meet you.”

Gregor licked lips that felt impossibly dry and had to cough before he could speak. “I am Gregor Tierney, Citizen G9375-41-8344.”

She waved it away with her hand. “We don’t need any of that. We know who you are. We are simply very happy to have found you.”

“Really,” Gregor said. He held the blankets tightly with both fists; if he didn’t hold on he felt as though he would float away. He wondered if they’d hit him with some Calm while he was passed out. Unpermitted drugging seemed like something a doctor like Czernada would do.

He hadn’t let anything show, but he’d recognized the name, though she was filed in his mental banks under her nickname, The Butcher of Clavell. She’d been there during the Reclamation Movement’s last stand and had experimented on the bodies.

Just being in the same room with her made his skin creep. He wanted to clamp his legs tight together, which was ridiculous. She would use her scalpels to cut him from breastbone to the soft dip beneath his belly button and scoop out his insides.

When she stepped closer to the bed, he couldn’t help cringing away. He didn’t want those devil hands to touch him.

“Is there something wrong, Blessed Tierney?” she asked.

He nearly winced at the sound of the formal title coming out of her mouth. “Can I…” He paused for a breath and tried to keep his voice level. “Can I please have a different doctor? Preferably male?” He threw in that last to give himself a reason for his pickiness other than the truth.

Dr. Czernada gave him a surprised look. “Oh, oh yes, of course,” she sounded as though her feelings had been hurt. She turned toward the door. “I will get you a male doctor.”

“Good, thank you.” Gregor pulled his blankets closer around himself. “I will be waiting here.”

The minute she left the room, he started thinking furiously about what he was going to do. There weren’t a lot of options though.

He was a Third and that had already been registered to his identity. He’d heard of people getting fake IDs, but it was extremely expensive and required connections that he didn’t have. He simply didn’t have the resources to start a new life.

Gregor was well and truly caught and there was nothing he could do about it. He would just have to deal with his new life the best that he could. So what recourse did he have?

He’d never been able to pull off the wide-eyed ingenue, but he hated playing the part of the tough guy. Still, he had to play at being just dumb enough that they would give him leniency for the hormone suppressant use. That was a Class C felony and could see him doing some serious prison time. He would be an old man by the time he breathed free air again.

He didn’t try to practice, knowing there were cameras in the room and the footage would be checked in the course of the case against him. But he visualized the person he wanted to become and stared unblinking at the blankets across his chest.

Gregor Tierney needed to be a somewhat relaxed, but at the same time shy individual. He needed to be a bit of a follower, enough to break the more minor laws of Society, but not enough to get too serious. He had a conscience. There were some laws he would not break.

Taking suppressants was something he had been led into, as was hiding as a Two. He felt bad about his father’s soon to be tarnished reputation, but the man had always liked a cruel joke or twelve. Being the one to lead him down the road of sin would have made Desmond Tierney give that barking laugh he’d made famous in their social circle.

Gregor sat up and folded the blankets down across his lap. He smoothed his hands over his hair, making it lay down straight. Gregor Tierney was the kind of man that cared about his appearance to the point of concern. It was the kind of thing the Mental Health Bureau of Medical loved because it wasn’t a completely incurable problem. They would think he was fixable, which assured him more of a chance at a free life.

He’d spent his whole life dreaming of being free and it wasn’t something he was just going to give up. They could lock him away and force him to breed, but he would make the best of what he would be given. There was no time for bitterness if he didn’t want to end up in Stricture.

Gregor found his center and waited with outward patience until the door opened again and it was a whole group of people appearing in his field of vision. He felt the pinching sensation of a sudden need to pee, but he ignored it.

“Blessed Tierney,” the man in the white lab coat said, “I am Dr. Samuel Haden. I understand that you prefer a male physician?”

Gregor bobbed a nod. “I’m sorry I’m so much trouble, but I don’t think I could have stood having her doing my care.”

“I understand. It’s a common affliction people have,” the doctor said kindly, approaching the side of the bed. He waved his hand behind himself at the group of people hanging back from him. “These are some Assessors here to speak to you. I promise that I will watch out for you and if at any time you would like the interview postponed just let me know. Are you willing to talk to them? They have some questions about your use of suppressants.”

Gregor licked his lips. “I need to talk to them now, otherwise I’ll never be able to do it. It’s better to just get it over with.”

The doctor nodded with a kindly smile. “That’s probably for the best.” He turned toward the waiting group of solemnly dressed bureaucrats. “He says he’s willing to talk to you. But only for a little while.”

The men came closer to the bed, four dark haired men in sober gray suits.

“Hello, Mr. Tierney, I am Magister Dylan Park,” their leader said. “I have been instructed to ask you about several irregularities that have been found in your record.”

Gregor swallowed, knowing that he could definitely find himself in a bad situation. He’d been expecting the Primes, which the other three men definitely were, but there was no way his crimes should warrant a Magister.

It made him afraid.

“I know I shouldn’t have been taking the suppressants, but I was scared to just stop using,” he blurted. “I always heard that just stopping without having a doctor or someone to monitor you, it could be deadly. I was scared to go to Medical because it was too expensive. And I was scared they would have to report me.”

Park cocked his head. “So you’re rather high strung, are you? Some could see that as a flaw.”

Gregor shook his head. “Who cares what they think? I don’t want to Bond with any of them anyway.”

Park looked a bit intrigued. “Who do you want to Bond with?”

“I don’t know.” Gregor shrugged. “I haven’t found anyone I’m interested in yet.”

Park smiled, a tiny little thing, just a slight curve of the lips, but a smile nonetheless. “You are a man of discerning taste, I see. A little foolish, but a person of character.”

Gregor was a bit intrigued. “You confuse me,” he said.

“I will take that as a good thing,” Park said. “Now tell us how long you have been taking the suppressants and where did you acquire them?”

This was where things could get dicey. Gregor’s father had been dead for nearly three years; any crimes committed after Desmond’s death would have to be claimed as his own, there was no way around that. He just had to make sure that he came across as just a confused Third that hadn’t known any better as he took a bunch of illegal drugs.

“My father told me I would be better off not acting like a Third. There are people out there that would want to take advantage of me. He said I would be better off if I passed as a Two until I find someone I want to be with.” He twisted his fingers in his blanket. “After he died, I just… I kept taking the suppressants because I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. What doctor was I supposed to go to? I don’t want to go to prison.”

“There’s no reason for you to worry about that,” the doctor said, reaching forward to take Gregor’s hand in a comforting grip. “Though it was illegal for you to have the suppressants, you are a Third and there’s no way you could be locked away. You’re much too important.”

Gregor had to fight the urge to give the doctor a flutter of his lashes–that would be a bit too much. “So I’m not going to go to prison?” he asked. Really he was wondering how much his fine was going to be and what he was going to have to do to pay for it. He wasn’t very hopeful about that end of things, but a fine was better than hard time.

“No! Of course not,” the doctor sounded shocked. “Could you imagine the result if a Third was sent to labor service? There would be protests and riots, it would be an ugly situation.”

“Doctor, if you wouldn’t mind,” Park said, gesturing the man out of the way so he could face Gregor himself. “How have you been getting the drugs?”

This was where things got snakey. “My father knew someone and set up an auto pay option. I just never told them that my father had passed away.” Gregor shrugged. “The money was taken out of the account my father set up and the suppressants were delivered every three months.”

“And who have you been getting them from?” Park asked.

There was only so far Gregor was willing to go for someone he’d never met in real life. “I don’t know,” he said. “I just made sure there was enough money in the account and that the package was delivered.”

“You weren’t frightened by taking drugs from a stranger?” Park asked, his eyebrows raising in sharp question.

Gregor shook his head. “They always looked the same and the bottles never looked like they were tampered with or anything. My father was known to have a dangerous temper. I don’t think there’s anyone that wants to mess with him.”

“We will be running a thorough physical on you,” the doctor said. He pulled his com out of his pocket. “I’ll make all the arrangements.”

It was a battle for Gregor to control his need to roll his eyes. The last thing he wanted was a big exam, but he wasn’t going to be given a choice. The usage of the suppressants had assured him a serious check-up including complete blood work and body scans.

“The use of suppressants displays a frightening lack of care for yourself,” Park said. “You must understand from the announcements just how important you are as a Third. You are one of the hopes for the survival of the human race.” He looked at Gregor with a disappointed expression. “Why would you continue to use the suppressants after the Plague? You must have realized that there would be no way you would face any serious repercussions.”

Gregor licked his lips. Perhaps there was a need for him to show a bit of truth. “I don’t want to be bred like an animal. I don’t want my children taken from me to be raised by someone else.” He drew in a shuddery breath. “I want to love and be loved, and I don’t want my biology to decide things for me.”

Park examined Gregor’s expression closely, then finally a faint smile turned up his lips. “That is an explanation I can better understand.” He turned to one of his men. “Track down the supplier,” he ordered. “We can’t have this kind of willful disregard for the Laws. Someone must be punished.”

Gregor felt a twinge of pity for his black market dealer, but there was nothing he could do about it. He hadn’t given up any names or anything, had made sure not to know any in case he was ever discovered. Still, he knew the dealers were going to be facing the full might of the State, and it wasn’t going to be nice.

“What’s going to happen to me?” he asked.

There was a modicum of sympathy in Park’s gaze. “By the will of the State, you will have to reproduce, there’s no getting around that. A powerful Family has already displayed interest in having your Choice and have put in a Claim.”

A Claim meant the Family had already declared his membership into their ranks. There would be a chance for him to reject them or for them to reject him, but he would have to spend thirty contiguous days in their Household before he would be able to voice his refusal of their suit. They would ensure he was comfortable and cared for, but he wouldn’t be able to leave them.

“What Family?” he asked.

Park’s eyes were serious. “The Duadenora.”

Gregor’s breath caught in his throat. The Duadenora Family were one of the Seven Great Families. If they took him in… there would be no getting out.

/EXCERPT

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RE: Nightflyers

Harper Kingsley - Author of sci-fi and fantasy, loves to babble about books, movies, comics, and whatever

“Does anyone know where I can get a copy of the sci-fi/horror movie Nightflyers on DVD?”

This was a movie that had a bit of everything:

-80′s hair

-threatening psychotic brain controlled spaceship

-laser surgical theater of DOOM!

-cross-sex clone with super pretty 80′s boy looks, psychic powers, and a sensitive nature.

-sex between Skeletor and stern model chick.

-search for that ribbon thing from the Star Trek: Next Generation movie with Will Shatner (Generations.)

It was the movie version of one of the cyberpunk sci-fi books that were popular at the time. It wasn’t perfect, but there was so much going on. My brain even now bubbles thinking about it.

That’s a movie I would like to have on DVD. It could probably also be remade as a bigger Prometheus/Serenity type blockbuster. I mean, if you’re going to remake something, why not something with a good basis that just never got a chance? I’m just sayin’.

SUMMARY: An expedition looking for some mythological space rumor with a crackpot scientist that barely got funding. They’re all there for the money, meeting up before boarding the ship they’ve chartered, piloted by a mysterious man that uses the computer to communicate with them. But he’s always watching through the red light eyes of his cameras.

The crew as I remember it: An empath for rent. A surgical doctor and his nurse wife/girlfriend. The scientist on his mad journey.

Mysterious things happen and all kinds of terrifying things. And there’s just a ton of sci-fi tropes tossed out that it’s like some mad guidebook.

SPOILER ALERT!!!

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Please do not steal my words. In a hundred years they are all that will be left of me.

Faizel, by Harper Kingsley

Harper Kingsley - Author of sci-fi and fantasy, loves to babble about books, movies, comics, and whatever

[image error]Title: Faizel

Author: Harper Kinsgley

Genre: mm supernatural, vampire

Word count: 10,400

Rating: Adult

Available as KDP Select. If you’ve got an Amazon Prime membership, go read it for free.

EXCERPT:

He was a handsome stranger in painted on pants and Chuck Taylors. His dark brown hair curled around his ears in enticing tousled waves. He had rich olive skin and a straight nose with perfect nostrils. He was built in lean lines and looked like he should be an endearingly dorky guy, completely oblivious to his own good looks.

Except he walked like a predator. He tried not to, but his hips insisted on falling into their natural position when he didn’t concentrate. An arrogant, rolling walk that caught and held the eye, luring in his prey.

He’d always been so well-known that he couldn’t have pretended to be anyone other than himself. He was more easily recognizable than the Master. The name FAIZEL was synonymous with power and prestige. He was always near the top of every Most Wanted list the Resistance put out.

He’d always enjoyed playing with the Resistance. Hunting them down and spoiling their plans had been endlessly entertaining. It was why he’d never just completely exterminated them all the way the Master wanted.

The Master was talking synthetic blood and genocide. He had wanted a world completely devoid of normal human life. The Phageless would cease to exist and only the New Breed would remain. He wanted a world of rules and restrictions, a totalitarian empire with himself at the top.

Faizel enjoyed being powerful, but he wanted the thrill of the hunt. He was young and virile and he’d been Reborn without a soul. But he still remembered his human days and all that burning hate and rage was still there, bubbling under the surface of his skin.

He’d killed most of the people that had made his living life so miserable in one wild spree of blood and viscera. After that though… he’d spent enough time around the Master to realize that he didn’t want to live in that sterile, cruel world with only his own kind for company.

He hadn’t been able to stand it.

He had secretly begun to sabotage his own mission plans so there were weaknesses able to be exploited by a clever but desperate human. He’d sifted out the weakest of the Resistance to leave the best behind, separating the wheat from the chaff.

Then he had waited and enjoyed being able to toy with his new playmates. He was going to kill them, but he built them up first before he hunted them down. He loved that sweetest first sip of panicked blood, packed with all of that desperate will to survive. It made his heart sing.

 

He slid through the crowded club to one of the tables at the front. He sat down with such a charming smile that the women already there giggled and gave him flirty welcomes. He smiled but didn’t really interact, just nodding his head here and there when they spoke to him.

Faizel gazed up at the main stage and absorbed the sight of a supernatural cabaret show. It was like Rocky Horror Picture Show with even more garters and lace; there was a bit more skin showing, and both men and women wore short-shorts and a mixture of glitter and glamour.

Dancing and singing men and women, some entirely human while others stretched and bent with supernatural ease. Here and there one of the dancers would flash a mouthful of fangs as they playfully “menaced” their delighted audience. Their faces would twist and turn into a monstrous mask of bulging bone, glaring yellow eyes, and a double row of teeth that were nothing but jagged points.

Money was offered at the end of each set and a pretty girl with flaxen curls and a smattering of glitter on her cheeks went around with a cloth bag to collect the cash. She was wearing a flirty red skirt and a black crop top vest that revealed a toned stomach and a sparkling silver bead dangling at her navel. She wore high-heeled gladiator sandals that crisscrossed up her shins to just below her dimpled knees.

Faizel fumbled in his pocket for a few crumpled bills. He stuck them in the bag quickly so no one could get a good look at them in case money was different here.

Vampires sure were.

He was utterly fascinated by their monstrous faces and the claws he thought he’d spotted amongst them. They were like a mix of human and animal. Even when they weren’t trying to be frightening, their mouths easily shaped snarls.

He was utterly captivated, his eyes trailing up and down the beautiful bodies on display, but what he was really drawn to was the feral nature of them. They were apex predators, of that he had no doubt, though he had to wonder why they were so intent on living amongst the humans, working with them. The idea of it intrigued him.

Faizel had been suppressing his Allure from the minute he’d fallen out of the glowing portal and discovered that he was in a world not his own. The air had smelled different and there was the caressing vapor of distant, strange Power.

His first impulse was to ride in under the radar, to look around for himself and see what kind of world this was. And so far he had been very pleased.

There were vampires here, though a much different kind than he was used to. He could practically see the souls binding them to their bodies, and though their faces turned to those of monsters when they let their Hunger show… they were human on the inside. Beautiful, fragile humans.

He had never seen anything so entrancing. He wondered how hard it was to break them, these dancing, singing, oh-so-human vampires.

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FAIZEL 01

Harper Kingsley - Author of sci-fi and fantasy, loves to babble about books, movies, comics, and whatever

He had never seen anything so beautiful. He wondered what those cupid lips would taste like. How smooth would that skin be beneath his hands?

Charlemagne ghosted around the edge of the room in ever closer circles, trying to get a good look at the man he was admiring before he himself was seen. He wasn’t too worried though, as the man was staring at the stage in fascination. Charlemagne used it as an

opportunity to admire the man and subtly warn off any other vampires drawn to the man’s beauty.

A low-level growl was thrumming at the base of his throat. The lesser vampires were quick to get out of his way.

=>

It was odd to be so enamored by someone on first sight. He enjoyed the experience.

Charlemagne circled his prey several more times, before closing in. “Hello. My name is Charlemagne. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

The guy gave him an “Are you for real look?” But there was a hint of laughter in his starry black eyes. Charlemagne found himself charmed.

“I suppose I should introduce myself, since you were cool enough to come all the way over here.” The man smiled with those rosy red lips. Charlemagne thought of those lips wrapped around him. “I am Faizel.”

“I guess I’m busted,” Charlemagne said. “I saw you from across the room and I had to meet you.”

“Cheesy, but charming.” Faizel kicked out the chair next to him. “Why don’t you take a seat? I’ll let you buy me a drink.”

Charlemagne laughed and sat down, tugging his chair closer to Faizel. Close enough that he could smell Faizel’s cologne and the deeper, headier scent of the man’s skin. He wanted to bury his face between the man’s legs and breathe him in.

It was a battle to keep his inappropriate thoughts off his face and out of his voice. “I suppose it was a bit cheesy. I think I’m a product of my times, which I’m sure took place long before your idea of cool was developed.”

Faizel grinned, displaying a set of pretty teeth. He really was near to physically perfect. “It’s nice to see a guy be honest about his own flaws. It’s somewhat refreshing.” He laughed. “I think I might want to keep you. What do you think of that?”

Charlemagne couldn’t help admiring the bold challenge in those dark eyes. “I might just let you keep me.”

“I’m still going to make you buy me those drinks, but how about we get out of here after?”

“That sounds like a lovely idea,” Charlemagne purred. He could nearly see himself falling in love. And he never once thought to try and stop his fall.

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Please do not steal my words. In a hundred years they are all that will be left of me.

Using A Tablet to Write (a Novel)

Harper Kingsley - Author of sci-fi and fantasy, loves to babble about books, movies, comics, and whatever

I guess I’m a member of the tablet family.

I just got my Kindle Fire HD 8.9 and I’ve completely fallen in love with the ease of use. The minute I took it out of the box I was incredibly happy.

Then like four hours into my having it, Amazon did an update and wow, completely changed my world.

Swype.

The new keyboard allows sweeping from one letter to another to write words with your stylus. It’s so easy to do. It’s like drawing and it bypasses the need for an external keyboard at all. And with how quickly it learns your draw patterns, you could be drawing up your novel in less than five minutes.

I can already see people unable to write or type because of disability being given a voice of their own. And it’s at an amazingly affordable price.

Don’t believe me that the new sweep writing is awesome? Well, I wrote this whole thing with ColorNote Notepad and it was shockingly easy. Even more so than regular handwriting. I didn’t even have to hit the space bar–I just flowed from one word to the next and I barely had to touch the screen. So if you have a weak grip, all you have to do is just touch the screen with your stylus in a swirling pattern and you’re writing. Just make sure you catch the first and last letters and maybe a letter in the middle.

Having a tablet is great for me and my budding writing career because I don’t let myself get as distracted as I do when I use my laptop. Switching between apps means I don’t have my browser open as a window I can jump to. I have no self control and I would immediately spend

seven hours screwing around on the internet.

With my Kindle I have done an amazing amount in a short amount of time:

I have played games — I will admit that this might be a bit of a problem for me, since I’ll probably want to play all the time.Still, great fun, lots of free games if you’re cheap (like me.)

I have read books — Okay, this is where the Kindle won me over. Not only did I load my Kindle books, I also put on a bunch of downloaded books with Calibre (you might have to update your version of Calibre.) Still, I was able to download stories from Tthfanfic and AO3, then

move them to where I wanted with ES File Manager. So I now have a portable fanfic machine. Makes me so happy.

I have Tweeted — I got the Twitter app and I’ve been sending tweets and it was pretty easy, so that’s nice. I do like keeping you apprised of my still being alive.

I have watched Netflix and Hulu movies — Netflix needs to learn how to buffer, or maybe I just need to change up my settings, but Hulu was beautiful. I also checked out Viki, which worked great, I just wish DramaFever would come out with a Kindle capable app. Still, love watching what I want when I want.

I chose the Kindle Fire HD even though my brother tried to talk me out of it because I was hoping to write with it. Since I didn’t get a separate keyboard,I was starting to think I might have made a mistake because I had to tap hard to get the stylus to work. The Swype update

is a big step forward for writers using tablets. The words just seem to flow.

My big request is for the keyboard to be moved up the screen. It’s hard trying to see what I’m doing. My hand gets in the way of seeing the Amazon keyboard.

Anyways, love the Kindle Fire HD. Does what I want and didn’t cost ridiculous amounts of money.

My advice though, if you’re going to use one to write on, you can write what you want on a free notepad app, then email your writing to yourself as a backup. Then it’s simple to select and copy from your email and paste the writing into your word processing program. Backs

everything up easily and doesn’t cost anything. And yes, I am incredibly frugal, but what I really like is being able to write in bed without the heavy weight of a laptop over-heating on my legs. Very very nice.

I totally recommend the Kindle Fire HD as a winning Christmas or birthday gift. Now that I’ve got mine I have no problem with them being sold to the point of selling out of stock. Enjoy. Happy holiday shopping.

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Please do not steal my words. In a hundred years they are all that will be left of me.

“From Diamond to Coal: Arc One,” by Sol Crafter

Harper Kingsley - Author of sci-fi and fantasy, loves to babble about books, movies, comics, and whatever

Title: From Diamond to Coal: Arc One

Author: Sol Crafter

Genre: mm science fiction

Word count: 44,704 words (179 ms pages)

Rating: teen+

Note: “From Diamond to Coal: Arc One” was previously serialized as unedited “Raw” chapters. Changes have been made from the original work, content added and removed, so there are differences from the free version.

Summary: William and Alan come from two different worlds, but from their first meeting their lives have been entwined and their feelings for each other grows. Meanwhile, a sinister remnant of William’s past is threatening their future and happiness, bringing up memories best forgotten.

Arc One is currently available for the price of US $2.99 at Amazon and Smashwords. If you’ve been enjoying the free version, think about showing your support for an author and purchase a copy to enjoy on your ereader.

 

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Please do not steal my words. In a hundred years they are all that will be left of me.

NOVEL: The Panic Pure, by Harper Kingsley [mm suspense] – Chapter Nine

Harper Kingsley - Author of sci-fi and fantasy, loves to babble about books, movies, comics, and whatever

Title: The Panic Pure

Author: Harper Kingsley

Genre: mm suspense thriller

Rating: mature

Summary: Daniel Worth, billionaire and CEO of Worth Enterprises is questioned by FBI agent Marshal Newman about the disappearance of one of his employees. They strike up a conversation and soon are regularly meeting and begin dating. However neither realizes just how close danger is lurking.

CHAPTER NINE

 Being in a relationship was actually quite a bit of work, something he hadn’t really expected. It had always seemed to him, as an outsider looking in, that relationships were something that just happened, easy as breathing. The truth was a bit harder to face.

He had to ask Sophia to make room in his schedule and basically had to rearrange his whole life to be able to fit Marshal into it. It was not something he had ever expected to have to do, and he had to see his ability to adapt and change as a sign of progress. He’d even brought it up in his last few sessions with Dr. Landry and she had told him she was very proud of him.

There were still many things that he simply could not force himself to do, but he thought that he had made great strides. He couldn’t eat in restaurants or allow himself to be trapped in the confines of a public cinema or theater, but Marshal didn’t seem to care. He just seemed happy to spend time with Danny, and that was enough.

Danny whistled soundlessly as he finished up a report on his ideas about the Kerr-Bosnan prospectus. He’d decided that most of the ideas were pretty stupid, but he still had to waste some of his precious time pointing out what exactly he had a problem with. Destroying someone’s dreams should have been a little harder.

Finally finished, he saved his work then shut down his laptop.

He stretched his arms above his head and yawned hugely. It was such a relief to finally be done. Some part of him had been sure he would be wading through hundreds of pages of mostly worthless data for the entire day and night. So to be finished so much earlier than he had expected was an alien kind of pleasure.

Before, he had never felt happiness over finishing work early because he hadn’t had anything to do with the time freed up. It was just something that happened and he would then spend the rest of his day finding more work to fill in the time before he could go home and play with his Legos.

He couldn’t help smiling as he packed away his laptop and the rest of the things he would be taking home with him for the night. Then he started pulling on his coat as he left his office.

“Can you call Arthur and tell him I’m done here?” he said.

Sophia looked surprised, but hurriedly lifted her phone to make the phone call. He never went home early. It was probably something she was going to mark down in her diary as an oddity.

Danny listened while she told Arthur to bring the car around and that he was going home early. Even from across the room, he caught the note of incredulity in Arthur’s voice when she confirmed that yes, he really was going home early.

He sighed and shifted his bag from hand to hand, waiting. “Is he going to be too long?” he asked after she’d hung up.

Sophia smiled at him. “He says he’ll be here in roughly five minutes. Traffic isn’t too bad this time of day and he’s only a few streets over. He was running some quick errands for Olivia and filing some paperwork at the County Clerk’s office.”

Danny felt a momentary flush of curiosity, but Sophia probably didn’t know what Arthur had been filing. Not that it really mattered. Arthur was the one person in his life that he trusted without question. “Okay,” he said. “I’ll start heading down there.”

“Certainly,” she said. “He’ll call your cell when he’s out front.” So don’t worry, went unsaid.

He nodded and left, walking toward the elevator.

There was something almost naughty about leaving early. He felt as though he was doing something illicit, but instead of feeling guilty, he felt a cool thrill. It was exciting to do something he didn’t usually do.

His life had been ruled by clocks and schedules for so long that he couldn’t even imagine any other way. Except now he was breaking with his regimented routine and instead of being frightened… he was excited.

Somehow, letting Marshal into his life had freed him from some of the bonds of his neuroses. It was a kind of freedom he hadn’t even realized he was missing.

* * *

When Marshal saw Danny, he had a feeling that something was different about the other man. He seemed lighter, freer than Marshal had ever seen him before. There was an almost palpable air of happiness hanging around his head.

“So, what do you want to do tonight?” he asked.

Danny bit his lip, his eyes flicking up and around without ever once meeting Marshal’s. “We could do something different.”

“What do you mean?”

“We could go out,” Danny said, chewing on his lip. “Not to eat at a restaurant or anything, but… I called and arranged for a private showing at the science museum.”

“The science museum?” Marshal raised his brows. It was the kind of thing he was into, but the fact that Danny was willing to go to a public place was pretty revolutionary.

“Yeah.” Danny reached into his pocket and pulled out a folded card that he offered to Marshal. “They have the NASA exhibit now. We can go inside one of the retired shuttles, and they have one of the official simulators that we can try out.”

Marshal couldn’t help a sudden excited grin. “Really? That actually sounds pretty awesome. How did you manage to arrange something like that?”

Danny shrugged. “I’ve given them a lot of donations over the years. They want me to keep giving them money, so I have more options than most people.”

“Still… we really get to try out the shuttle simulator?” Marshal was filled with childish delight. This was the kind of thing he’d dreamed of as a kid but never really imagined happening in real life.

Danny glanced down shyly. “Yes.”

Marshal slowly reached out and rested a hand on Danny’s arm. He wanted to pull the other man into a hug, but he didn’t want to freak him out, not when things were going so well. “Thank you for arranging such a cool thing,” he said.

Danny rested his hand on Marshal’s, squeezing carefully. “It’s not a big deal.”

Marshal wanted to tell him that he knew it really was a big deal. He knew how hard it was for Danny to even think about touching other people, so to allow any kind of intimate contact… it made a feeling of warmth go through him.

“If you’re not comfortable…” he trailed off.

Danny shook his head, chewing at the inside of his cheek. “No, it’s all right. I think we’ll have fun when we go.”

Marshal smiled at him, just completely unable to help himself.

Even with all of his quirks and personal difficulties, Danny was willing to go out of his comfort zone to make Marshal happy. He honestly couldn’t think of another person that would ever do anything like that for him.

It gave him a warm feeling in his chest.

 

The Metropolitan Science Museum should have seemed abandoned, what with there being no other patrons as it was after hours, but Danny had arranged for all the lights to remain lit. It made Marshal feel somewhat special.

“I’m kind of pretty excited,” Marshal said.

They were following their guide through the museum toward the NASA exhibit and they were almost, but not quite, holding hands. Marshal thought he could feel the brush of Danny’s skin against the side of his hand and he could definitely feel the closeness of Danny’s body heat.

“It should be really interesting.” Danny had the stiffness about him that he donned every time an “outsider” was around him. Marshal had to celebrate the fact that Danny was never so stiff when it was them alone–which meant he was accepted–but he really didn’t like how uncomfortable Danny always was. He should have the freedom to go anywhere he wanted to without ever being uncomfortable in his own skin.

“So are we sure these are actual shuttle parts and flight simulators?” Marshal asked. “What if they pawned a bunch of fakes off on us all and we’re dumb enough to have fallen for the trick?”

“Sir, everything here that’s been marked authentic, is exactly that. Authentic.” The museum guide sounded pretty pissy, which made Marshal wince toward Danny, who gave a tiny smile.

Marshal probably shouldn’t have been that totally pleased at the sight of Danny’s smile, but there was nothing he could do about that. That nearly non-existent smile was a sign of his success at make Danny just a little more comfortable in his own skin.

“Sorry,” he said. “Do you have any suggestions about what we should see first?”

The guide gave him one more piercing look, but was too well-trained to make the insulting comment he was probably thinking. “If you’ll come this way, we have a full display of various spacesuits from the 1970s to the most modern.”

“That sounds interesting,” Marshal said, trying to look as appeasing as possible. The look the guy gave him in return said that it wasn’t as believable as he’d always thought it was, but he didn’t say anything and led them through the museum.

Danny leaned close to Marshal’s ear. “I think you really upset that man.”

“Oh yeah?” Marshal shrugged. “I’ll try not to be such a jerk for the rest of our visit here and hopefully that’ll change his opinion of me.”

Danny smirked. “I don’t think he’s ever going to change his mind.”

“Nothing I can do about that,” Marshal said. Moving slow enough that Danny could move away if he wanted to, he took Danny’s hand in his own.

The fact that Danny didn’t even try to pull away sent a surge of warmth through him. He felt happier than he had in a long time, and the fact that it had come from such a simple thing made him think that if Danny ever said the words “I love you” he would probably combust. And how embarrassing would that be?

Gently squeezing Danny’s hand, he followed the guide toward the long display of spacesuits. Honestly, they looked a little creepy standing there with mannequin heads peeking through the helmets.

* * *

Though he had tried not to show anything on his face, Danny had been seriously worried that tonight wasn’t going to go well. So he couldn’t help but to be somewhat pleased that Marshal seemed to be enjoying himself.

There were some times when he was sure that his inexperience dealing with other people would ruin everything, so to have something he planned go so well… it made him feel really good.

Moving with bold decisiveness, he shifted his hand in Marshal’s to twine their fingers together. There was something intimate about the gesture. Something maybe a little final.

He saw Marshal glance at him out of the corner of his eye, and couldn’t help the heat that flushed through him. His cheeks blazed with warmth and he thought that maybe he’d gone all red, but he didn’t care.

There’d been plenty of bad things that had happened in his life–things that he had spent years trying unsuccessfully to suppress and ignore–but he was pretty sure he was happy with Marshal. The man was sweet and funny and he made Danny happier than he had been in a long time.

“Hey, look at that!” Marshal pointed ahead at some space thing or other. “Isn’t it so cool?”

“Sure,” Danny said, shrugging.

The look Marshal gave him was amused, but also extremely happy.

This could work, Danny thought. For once, no detractor voice answered back. It made him feel happy.

* * *

He’d been waiting in his car long enough that he’d finished two Red Bulls and had started on his third. He could feel impatience simmering beneath the surface of his skin, but he refused to give into it.

He had a job to do here, and nothing was going to get in the way of that, not even himself.

Adam had rolled the windows down before cracking his first Red Bull. They always smelled so foul, but were worth it for keeping him awake.

As a reward for his patience, he got to see Agent Marshal Newman leaving the museum. He hunched down a little in his seat, knowing that the shadows he’d parked in would keep him largely invisible, at least to someone that didn’t expect him to be lurking around.

A snarling smile pulled his lips back from his teeth and he glared toward the federal agent. If he could have leaped across the intervening space and stuck a blade in the man’s back… well, it was a wonderful fantasy.

His breath caught when he saw the man Newman was walking with.

In all his research he hadn’t come across a single photo of Daniel Worth, and that had seemed kind of strange, though the billionaire was said to be rather eccentric. But to see him in real life… he couldn’t help thinking that it was kind of a shame that pictures of him didn’t paper the world.

“Well, hello angel,” Adam murmured, his smile turning to something warmer, though far hungrier.

If there was one phrase he would use to describe Daniel Worth, it would have to be “delicious morsel.”

The world suddenly seemed a much brighter place.

* * *

Sitting in the back of the limo with Danny and a plastic bag full of swag on the floor next to his leg, Marshal couldn’t keep the semi-goofy smile off his face. “I had a good night,” he said.

“I’m glad,” Danny said. “I remembered that you talked about wishing you could have been an astronaut. It’s not quite the same thing, but it’s kind of cool being able to walk in an actual shuttle.”

“It’s the nearest thing,” Marshal agreed. “When I was a kid, I really wanted to go to space camp, but we didn’t have enough money for me to go.”

“You probably weren’t missing that much,” Danny offered. “You know, space camp.”

“Sure, only the coolness of being a teenager playing with actual astronaut equipment. That wouldn’t have been cool at all.” Marshal leaned forward to open the mini-fridge and pull out a soda. “Can I have one of these?”

“No, they’re only here to tease you.” Danny laughed. “Go ahead and drink it. Arthur restocks it all the time. Though he probably drinks more soda out of the fridge than I do. In fact, most of the drinks in there are things that he likes.”

Marshal laughed. “That’s actually pretty funny.”

Danny shrugged. “That’s what happens when your chauffeur is your best friend. I mean, what am I going to do to him, you know? He’s known me since I was a little kid.”

Sitting there in the back of the limo, his brain still jumping for emotional joy over getting to walk inside a real live space shuttle, he simply couldn’t resist the impulse as it came to him.

Marshal stuck his soda in the cup holder, then crab-walked across the intervening space to sit close beside Danny. “If I kiss you, you’re not going to totally freak out are you?”

Danny was almost painfully serious. “I don’t know. I hope I won’t freak out, but I don’t know.”

“Well, I guess we’re going to have to risk it,” Marshal said. “Hopefully Arthur’s not so startled that he runs off the road.”

Moving slowly in the hopes that he didn’t spook Danny, he leaned over and carefully place his lips on Danny. He could see the other man fighting the impulse to jerk back, then his long-long eyelashes kind of of fluttered closed and he was tentatively kissing back.

It was the sweetest kiss Marshal had ever had and sadly short.

When it was over, he watched Danny take a deep breath and open his eyes, then he smiled and Marshal’s shoulders loosened with relief. “Hey,” he said.

“Hey yourself,” Danny said. “That wasn’t so bad at all.”

“I didn’t think it would be,” Marshal said. “Glad you enjoyed it.”

Danny shook his head with a small smile. His hand slid across the seat to lock with Marshal’s. “I had a fun time tonight. I always seem to have a fun time with you.”

“Me too,” Marshal said, “just, you know, with you.”

Danny laughed, and just hearing it made Marshal smile.

The first time he’d met Danny, the guy had seemed stiff and so desperately unhappy that he didn’t even know he was unhappy. All Marshal had wanted to do was get closer to Danny and instead he had found himself falling in love.

Just seeing the changes in Danny’s personality made him happy. It was like he was a flower blooming in the sun. He just seemed to grow larger and brighter with each passing day and Marshal couldn’t help the way the sound of Danny’s laughter made him feel–each time he heard it was the first time.

The rest of the car ride, Marshal smiled and enjoyed catching Danny peek at him.

It had probably been the best night of his life. Not only did he get to poke around in a real space shuttle, but now he was being quietly, shyly flirted with by the man he thought he could easily spend the rest of his life with.

* * *

Arthur didn’t say anything when he let them out in front of the mansion. There was a suspicious curve to his lips that Danny forced himself to ignore. He figured he was going to be teased in the near future and he could handle it then. Better not to borrow trouble before it was due.

Danny led Marshal inside and poured them both drinks–cranberry and vodka for Marshal, a Bolt Cola for himself. They settled on the leather couch in his study.

“So you really had a good time tonight?” Danny asked.

Marshal sipped at his drink. “Yeah, like I said, it was great.” He grinned at Danny. “I’m gonna have to come up with something equally cool to awe and amuse you.”

“I’m at the edge of my seat,” Danny said. He reached forward and picked up the copy of Wired that had been left on the end table. There was a write up on Worth Enterprises inside and he’d been meaning to take a look at it.

He didn’t have time to read the magazine right now, but he still flipped through it really quick to see what pictures they’d used. “Ugh.”

“What?” Marshal slid across the couch to peer over his shoulder.

Danny felt the momentary creep of discomfort, then it dissipated and he could relax. “The picture they used is a really old one. I look like I’ve got a mullet or something.”

Marshal used his finger to tip the page toward himself. “That’s pretty good,” he snorted, trying not to laugh. There was a charming crinkle at the corners of his eyes as he looked down at Danny’s much younger face.

“I was seventeen years old when this was taken.” He could still remember the horror of the situation. His suit had felt like it was three sizes too small and he’d had to take twice his usual dosage of Alprazolam to make it through the photo shoot without having a panic attack. “I’ve had other pictures taken since then, so why would they use this one?” He covered his face with a groan. “Maybe I should have let them send that photographer.”

“It’s not that bad.” Marshal massaged Danny’s shoulder, tentatively at first, then with greater confidence when Danny didn’t flinch away. “You look very cute.”

“I look like a girl.” It was true. It had taken until he was about twenty-three for him to start filling out. Before that, he’d been kind of effeminate, which had made his life as a supposedly hard-nosed businessman harder. He’d really had to worry that he wasn’t going to be able to take control of Worth Enterprises back from the Board because he looked too young and inexperienced.

“A very pretty girl,” Marshal teased, “the prettiest girl in the world.”

“You’re kind of a jerk, aren’t you?” Danny looked at him and couldn’t help smiling. Just being close to the other man made him feel warm inside. “Do you want to stay here tonight?”

Marshal turned to him in surprise. “What?”

“I asked if you wanted to stay here tonight?” Danny licked his lips nervously. “I mean, I…” He cleared his throat and had to wipe his sweaty hands on his pants. “I’ve got to go to bed soon, but I don’t really want you to leave.”

“Are you sure?” Marshal asked, sounding a bit tentative.

Danny gazed directly into his eyes, silently probing his own feelings. “Yes. I’m sure.” And he was.

He wasn’t ready to really do anything with Marshal, but the thought of having him close made him feel warm inside. Safe.

Marshal’s grin was the brightest thing in the room. He hurriedly drained his glass. “Do you have a spare toothbrush?”

“Of course. We’re not animals,” Danny said. He’s pretty sure he can find an unopened toothbrush somewhere. If not, he could always send Arthur out to find one–then deal with Arthur’s diatribe later.

 

He couldn’t help feeling a bit shy when he led Marshal into his bedroom. Other than the maids, no one else had ever been in here. Arthur didn’t really count.

He could see Marshal looking around curiously. From the king-sized bed with its perfect white-on-white patterned goose down comforter, to the dark furniture and lighter wood floors. Over the bed was a large painting of a vibrant blue ocean scene with Orca whales cavorting with pink coral beneath them and yellow and orange clown fish peeking out.

“That painting makes me feel happy,” he said, blushing a little. “Seeing it helps me sleep better.”

“I think it’s nice,” Marshal said. He laid a careful hand on Danny’s shoulder. “You don’t have to be embarrassed about anything.”

“I’m not,” Danny said, even though he could still feel his cheeks burn. “I showed you my Legos, didn’t I?”

“That you did.”

Seeing him standing there, his head moving around as he looked at everything in the room, Danny didn’t feel as nervous as he thought he should be. He walked over to the bathroom and opened the drawer where all kinds of sundries. Next to the extra bottle of shower gel and a wrapped bar of soap were two toothbrushes.

“Do you like red or green?” he called.

“Red.” He only jumped a little at Marshal popping up so close to him. He hadn’t heard the man follow him into the bathroom, but there he was peering over his shoulder.

“Ah, well, here you go.” He held out the toothbrush, feeling a tingle go through his hand when their fingers brushed.

“Thanks.” Marshal immediately began to open the package.

“Well, let me just give you a moment.” Danny carefully squeezed past him toward the door, palming his pill organizer as he went. He didn’t keep the bottles around, but he wasn’t sure he was ready for Marshal to know just how screwed up he really was. “There’s toothpaste, dental floss, and mouthwash in the medicine cabinet, and you can use anything you like in here.” He tried not to sound as uncomfortable as he felt.

He was giving permission for someone to invade his space and it was incredibly awkward. But because it was Marshal, a man that he truly liked and desperately wanted to get to know better, he figured he could handle it.

“Do you maybe have some pajamas I can wear?” Marshal asked. He looked completely comfortable and in control.

“I’ll find you something,” Danny promised.

He left the bathroom for his walk-in closet. He thought that there might be a pair of sweatpants and a tee shirt that would fit Marshal’s larger frame without looking ridiculous.

He couldn’t help licking his lips at the thought of one of his tee shirts pulled tight across Marshal’s chest. Not that he was going to ogle him or anything… or maybe just a little bit.

Danny couldn’t help the surge of pleasure that went through him at the realization that he was responding as any normal man might. Before Marshal had come around he had never been interested in anyone else and he had always felt weird because of it.

Now he was just as stupidly hormonal as the rest of the world, and it made him unbelievably happy.

He went to the closet and managed to dig out a pair of loose black yoga pants and a tank top that was too big for him. He grabbed a pair of blue and yellow striped pajamas for himself.

Tossing his pajamas at the foot of the bed, he lightly knocked on the bathroom door. “I have clothes for you.”

The door opened halfway and a long, tanned arm reached out to take the bundle of clothes he held out. “Thank you,” Marshal said, flashing him a white grin.

“You’re welcome.” Danny backpedaled from the door as soon as it closed, feeling his heart thump fast in his chest. He honestly didn’t know what was happening to him.

He sat on the edge of the bed, listening to the sounds of water running and the general clattering of someone showering and getting ready for bed. He couldn’t help a little blush at the thought of Marshal being naked on the other side of the door.

Not that he wanted to see Marshal naked or anything. He was just a little curious, that was all.

Danny covered his face with his hand and gave a soft groan.

Everything in his head was all screwed up. He was feeling things that he never had before, and half-wanting things that had once terrified him. But with Marshal none of those things seemed quite so awful and nightmare worthy.

There was something about Marshal that made him feel safe.

The door opened with a soft click and Marshal stepped out. He was barefoot and his hair was still slightly damp. The tee shirt was tight on him, the thin material stretched over his broad chest.

Danny tried not to notice Marshal’s nipples, but it was hard not to see them. They were just so there.

He tried to pretend like he didn’t realize his face was bright red. “I guess it’s my turn,” he said, standing up. He scooped up his pajamas, clenching the cotton material in one hand as he drew in a deep breath and walked toward Marshal.

Marshal’s smile was painfully gentle. “Your turn.” He stepped out of the way so Danny could hurry into the bathroom. The backs of their hands brushed in passing and Danny’s breath caught in a hitching gasp.

Once he’d closed the door, Danny leaned against it for a moment, trying to get back his self-control. His skin felt hot and tight and his hands wanted to tremble with nerves.

He didn’t know what was going to happen, but he was scared.

There had been so much badness in his life that all he could think was that no matter what he did, that was how it was going to go back to being.

He was going to get hurt. It was pathetic to think that things could ever be otherwise. It was just a matter of time before he was going to be sent tumbling once again.

Danny looked at his face in the mirror and sighed.

His eyes looked large in his pale face, the blue dimmed by worry and surrounded by raccoon shadows. His lower lip was slightly red and puffy from his nervous biting, but he couldn’t seem to stop the habit. Especially not when he was feeling so off balance and strange.

He turned away from his reflection and quickly stripped off his clothes. Then, before he stepped in the shower, he couldn’t help quietly creeping back to the door and turning the lock as silently as possible, careful not to jiggle the knob. He didn’t want Marshal to think that he didn’t trust him, but at the same time there was no way he would be able to comfortably shower with the fear that someone could come in at any time.

He knew he was screwed up. It was just something he’d learned to live with because there was no other choice.

* * *

There was no doubt that he was treading in dangerous territory, but there was nowhere else he wanted to be.

He could hear the shower running and he used the time to carefully settle himself on the bed and to try to rid himself of any signs of excitement. It was nice to know that he was actually using some of the meditation exercises Joanna had forced him to learn.

If there was one thing he really didn’t want to do, it was spook Danny. There were realms of untapped psychological trauma that he didn’t want to touch. Not if he wanted the other man to trust and possibly someday love him.

Marshal closed his eyes and just breathed, trying to rein his excitement in. Now wasn’t the time to be stupid, not when he was just starting to make progress with Danny.

So even though he wanted to grin and certain parts of his anatomy wanted to come to attention, there was no way he could show anything but friendship toward Danny.

It took a lot of self-will and the kind of inner strength he’d never thought he could possess, but he managed to have himself under control by the time Danny came out of the bathroom in his pajamas and padded barefoot over to the bed. Marshal just looked at him, not even trying to pretend that he’d fallen asleep.

Danny stood there for a long moment looking back, then licked his lower lip and lifted the covers and climbed onto the bed. “Goodnight,” he said, his voice whispery in the stillness.

Marshal gave him a carefully neutral smile, then slowly cuddled closer. Danny wanted to tell him he could get under the sheet with him, but the words wouldn’t pass his throat, so Marshal only had the top blanket to keep himself warm for the night.

And Danny was able to maintain the fantasy that he was in control of the situation. That thin sheet would protect him.

Slowly, hesitantly, Danny reached out his hand and switched off the light.

The room was plunged into darkness and it took long moments for his eyes to adapt to the bit of light seeping in through the curtains.

“Goodnight,” Marshal said softly.

Danny felt incredibly brave when after a few breathless moments he was able to slide his hand across the covers until he found Marshal’s. He twined their fingers together and that was how they lay on the large bed, side by side with a healthy amount of space between them, their hands joined. And somehow he felt safe enough to sleep.

/CHAPTER

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NOVEL: The Panic Pure, by Harper Kingsley [mm suspense] – Chapter Eight

Harper Kingsley - Author of sci-fi and fantasy, loves to babble about books, movies, comics, and whatever

Title: The Panic Pure

Author: Harper Kingsley

Genre: mm suspense thriller

Rating: mature

Summary: Daniel Worth, billionaire and CEO of Worth Enterprises is questioned by FBI agent Marshal Newman about the disappearance of one of his employees. They strike up a conversation and soon are regularly meeting and begin dating. However neither realizes just how close danger is lurking.

 CHAPTER EIGHT

 When Marshal got the call from Danny and was asked to meet him that night, he felt as though he’d been struck hard in the chest. He just had this incredible sense of impending doom, as though a thousand pound weight had been dropped on him from some impossible height.

“What’s wrong with you?” Joanna asked. It had become her question for him of late. It seemed like she asked it every time he saw her.

“I don’t know what you mean,” he said, avoiding her eyes.

She made a harsh sound in her throat. “Seriously, you look like your cat just died. Or maybe like your dog ate your cat then choked and died too. What is going on with you now?”

He sighed, giving in. “Danny called to say he wants to talk to me tonight. I’m going over there after work.”

“So?” she asked. “You can talk to him about what happened last night, rehash your feelings, all that jazz. It’ll be like a girls night in.”

“Except neither one of us is a girl and I’m pretty sure he’s going to tell me that he never wants to see me again.”

Joanna raised her eyebrows at him speakingly. “Really. I don’t know when it happened, but I’m very pleased for you that your psychic powers have finally kicked in.”

“What else could he want to talk about?” Marshal rubbed his forehead, feeling the start of a tension headache. “Last night was the kind of awkward that no one wants to experience twice and he’s probably already realized that I’m not worth the trouble. He’s going to dump me.”

“Wow, why don’t you get that sand out of your vagina?” Joanna said crassly.

He gave her a disbelieving look. “You did not just say that.”

“Oh, I totally did.” She leaned forward intently. “Look, I’m no Dr. Drew or anything, but I have eyes and a brain, so I know you’ve totally got a thing for this guy. If you didn’t, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have to listen to all your wangst every single day and we could actually get some work done with like half the drama. So when you start acting like a chick…” she shrugged, “I start treating you like one. You know, one of the ones on their period.”

“I cannot believe I ever coddled you through that whole ordeal with that Ben guy. I mean, I could have let you wallow in your despair, but there I was at your side, patting your back and urging you on. Yet now, when I’m in a situation, you tell me to ‘get the sand out of my vagina?’” Marshal shook his head. “It’s a sad statement about the world today and the whole gender confusion issue.”

“You need to stop trying to sound smart and face reality,” Joanna ordered.

“And what’s reality to you?” he asked.

Joanna smirked. “Reality is that you’re going to meet him tonight and you’re going to straight out tell him that he’s the greatest thing that’s ever happened to you and that you completely lurve him. You two are going to share a chick flick moment complete with hug, kiss, and maybe some good old fashioned horny teenaged fondling. You’re going to get married, have a couple of fugly babies, and you’re going to go around picking out each other’s china patterns until you’re ninety.”

Marshal shook his head. “You are completely sick, you know that? Sick!”

“But you will invite me to the wedding, won’t you?” she asked impishly.

He tried to maintain his cold expression, but it melted under the blast furnace of her displaced charm. “Yeah,” he sighed. “You’ll be at the top of the list.”

“Great,” she clapped her hands, “it’s always nice to be the first person the bride invites. It’s something to rub in the faces of the rest of the bride’s maids.”

“Whoa, when did I become the bride?” he asked.

“Please,” she rolled her eyes, “you are totally the bride.”

He sighed after a minute. “Yeah.”

 

Talking with Joanna had made him feel a little better, but that didn’t last when he pulled to a stop in front of the large mansion and realized that he was really going to go in there and have to face the future devastation.

It was a nearly impossible feat for him to open the car door and step out. More than anything, he wanted to just drive off. He wanted to slam his foot down on the accelerator and just keep on going until he ran out of gas.

Marshal screwed up his courage and walked toward the front door. He felt like he was heading for certain doom, and all of a sudden he wished he had at least gone home and changed his clothes. Instead, he had come straight from work and was still wearing his faintly rumpled suit and tie.

He had barely rung the doorbell before the door was opened and one of the maids–he thought her name was Linda or Lana or something–ushered him inside. “Mr. Worth is in his study,” she told him. “Follow me.”

There wasn’t any thought involved, it was just one of those things, but he couldn’t help glancing at her ass as they walked. He didn’t feel any kind of interest in her and he was pretty much wallowing in the despair to come, but it was the kind of thing that happened. A peek here and there at her completely normal ass in her perfectly starched maid’s outfit.

“Here you go,” she said, startling him. She knocked once, then pushed open the door, gesturing him inside. “I’ll bring refreshments.”

Marshal turned his head to watch her go, then drew in a deep breath and went into the room.

It was the same study where he had first met Danny. All dark wood bookshelves contrasting against the cheery yellow walls. He had been surprised to see it, having expected one of those gloomy studies rich people always had in movies. This room was a place of light and expectation, a place where someone could sit in a wing chair and actually read a book or take some notes or whatever people were supposed to do in a study.

Marshal had always been firmly of the middle class and had spent his life doing paperwork or whatever either at his coffee table in the living room or on his bed. There was just something so much more comfortable about lounging on a pile of pillows with crime photos spread out across his comforter, as though the idea of something so serious being handled from his bed took away the power of the situation, making it less stark and terrible. He felt a bit as though he were sticking his tongue out at all those criminals by making light of what they’d done, as though they were so inconsequential he could just curl up and go to sleep at any time.

He didn’t feel even remotely sleepy right now. In fact, he felt a little nauseous.

His eyes tracked across the room until he found Danny sitting in what seemed to be his favorite chair, his phone forgotten in his hand as he stared at Marshal, his fingers still posed to type something. He was probably doing that obsessive compulsive thing where he checked his calendar every hour on the hour, as though Sophia would update his schedule without personally letting him know.

Marshal didn’t know if he should be insulted by the surprise in Danny’s voice when he said, “You came.”

“You didn’t think I would?” he asked. He kept himself firmly under control as he walked across the room and took the closest chair facing Danny’s.

Danny shook his head. “No, not that. I just…” He licked his lips. “I’m sorry about last night.”

Marshal cocked his head. “What do you mean?” There was no way he was going to make this easy. If he was going to have his heart ripped out, he might as well make him work for it.

“You kissed me and I didn’t handle it well.” Danny carefully set his phone down on the round table next to his chair with a little “clink” sound. “I thought I should explain what happened. I just…” He shook his head. “Sometimes things get to be too much and I can’t handle them. I have episodes.”

“Episodes?” Marshal leaned forward.

Danny nodded, looking down at his hands. “Yeah. When I get too stressed I just… They’re kind of like panic attacks, though I get those too sometimes. I take medication to kind of smooth my mood out, but when things get to be too much I can’t control myself.” He laughed, though there was no humor in it, just a nervous breathiness. “It’s embarrassing and I don’t like talking about it, but I thought I should explain that it wasn’t your fault. It’s almost kind of a blackout in that everything just overloads and sometimes I don’t remember what happened right away. I just thought I should apologize to you.”

Marshal ached at the embarrassment he saw on his face. There was this sense that Danny had laid himself bare in front of him, expecting that he would be so disgusted afterward that he would just run away. “It’s okay,” he said. “I thought I’d done something wrong, that you were going to tell me to leave and never come back.”

Danny’s eyes flashed up in surprise, his mouth opening in a little “o” of shock. “No! No, you didn’t do anything wrong. It was me, I promise, I’m just this bundle of psychological issues and I… If you never wanted to see me again, I would completely understand. There’s no way you deserve to have to deal with everything that’s wrong with me and…”

There wasn’t a lot of thought involved in Marshal practically lunging forward to grab Danny’s hand and squeeze it between his own. “There’s nothing wrong with you!” he said fiercely. “Everyone has their breaking point and it’s just that yours are a little more sensitive than most, but that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. You’re smart and sweet and wonderful and I’m just glad you didn’t call me here to break up with me.”

“You really thought that?” Danny asked. “You thought I would make you come all the way here just to tell you I never wanted to see you again?”

Marshal shrugged. “Yeah, maybe.”

A faint smile quirked Danny’s lips. “If I was that much of a jerk, I wouldn’t have bothered to call you. I would have just sent you an email or a text message.”

“I’m glad you’re not a jerk.” Marshal knew his grin was kind of goofy, but he couldn’t help himself.

His breath was coming easier than it had all day. The weight had lifted and suddenly everything looked so much brighter.

* * *

It was kind of amazing to realize that he meant so much to another person. It made him feel both powerful and safe at the same time, as though he could freely be himself with no worry that Marshal was just going to turn his back on him.

He’d completely lost his cool, yet Marshal hadn’t cared.

“Do you want to watch a movie?” Danny offered.

Marshal smiled. “All right.”

Danny led him through the house, pushing him down into a theater seat before putting on a movie. It was an older movie, but one of his favorites.

“Have you ever seen this before?” he asked, holding up the box.

Marshal looked, then shrugged. “Maybe, but I’d be happy to watch it now. With you.”

Danny settled in the seat next to him, waiting until the lights dimmed before finally relaxing. He had felt out of sorts for most of the day and it was good to finally be able to let that nerviness go.

The door opened, letting in a trail of light and Andrea with a tray. “Olivia said you were watching a movie, so I brought you some things,” she said. Her movements were graceful as she carried the tray over and set cups of soda in their cup holders, then passed each of them a small tub of popcorn.

“Thank you,” Danny said, eating a piece of popcorn. It was just salty and buttery enough.

She gave him a gentle smile. “Enjoy your movie.”

Danny watched her leave the room, then focused on the screen. “This is one of my favorites.”

It was hard to keep from hunching his shoulders, but he managed to maintain his control. He just drew in one breath after another and forced himself to relax. He could feel the heat of Marshal’s body next to him and his heart wanted to beat fast and faster, but he forced himself to remain still. There was no reason for him to act like a fool.

“It’s all right.”

Danny turned his head to meet Marshal’s gentle gaze. “What?”

Marshal lifted one shoulder in a shrug. “I said it’s all right. You don’t ever have to do anything you’re not comfortable, not for me. I’m happy watching movies and eating dinner with you,” he grinned cheekily, “especially dinners made by the beautiful Olivia. I’m still going to make her my wife someday.”

Danny laughed, feeling some of the tension drain out of him. “Shut up and watch the movie.”

“Aye aye, Captain.” Marshal gave a sloppy salute with the wrong hand. The shine in his eyes and the curve of his lips was playful.

To Danny, it felt as though someone had finally turned the light on. All those empty spaces he had inside… they were full of the brightness and laughter and warmth that made him think of Marshal. It was a strange and alien feeling, being so happy, but he liked it.

He liked it a lot.

* * *

The drag of the blade. The pooling blood. The eyes that screamed and pled before they disappeared into ruin. There was something oddly delightful about the rearrangement of flesh. Godlike.

/ CHAPTER

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The post NOVEL: The Panic Pure, by Harper Kingsley [mm suspense] – Chapter Eight appeared first on Harper Kingsley.
All content copyright HarperKingsley.net unless otherwise stated.
Please do not steal my words. In a hundred years they are all that will be left of me.

Life Update: Nov 2012

Harper Kingsley - Author of sci-fi and fantasy, loves to babble about books, movies, comics, and whatever

There’s not been much happening lately. I’ve been working my way through my NaNoWriMo story “Across Two Divides,” by Sol Crafter. It’s a mm contemporary novel following the life of Nicholas Underwood and Christian Jacobson, and their respective romantic partners.

It’s being updated at Smashwords if you’d like to pick up a copy. It’s set your own price, so you can buy a copy now and have it available when the final copy is made available. (I’m kind of boggled that more people aren’t taking advantage of the opportunity, but there you go.) Enjoy.

IRL – So my neighbor’s dog was eaten by coyotes. There was this loud animal scream last night and today the lady was driving around the neighborhood looking for her dog. The poor thing was blind and snuck out when the garbage was being taken out. I hope it was quick. V sad.

UBIQUITOUS EXCERPT – This is an excerpt from “Star Brite,” a YA-ish novel. Enjoy:

I could feel the humming sway of the world moving beneath me. It was sort of dreamy and frightening at the same time, but there was nothing I could do about it or anything else.

I existed in a cocoon of flowing warm air and there was a series of throbbing spikes against my head. It made my stomach twist unpleasantly.

I could not have said where I was or what was going on, but there was no doubt that something was very, very wrong.

 

I opened my eyes with a groan, blinking away from the overhead light. I felt faintly nauseous and the gray wool blanket was rough against my bare skin. I was in a ship’s bunk, the cabin around it small and cramped with a few bright posters on the walls — I thought I recognized the sultry pout of the wild Fringe singer Pater Familias, but I had never been a fan so didn’t really know.

I sat up and woozily climbed to my feet. I clutched the blanket close around me to keep as much of myself covered as possible. The blanket was terrible, but it was the best that I currently had to work with.

Picking carefully across the floor, I looked through the drawers built into the walls for clothes. There was a lot of different things that I thought might be useful later, but it all seemed like the possessions of a teenager. Drawer after drawer of someone’s life that I was digging through. It made me feel so uncomfortable, but I didn’t really have a whole lot of choice.

It was with a sense of relief that nearly halfway around the room I found three drawers with clothes.

I dug through the clothes and held shirts and pants against myself to try and guess the sizes. It was kind of surprising that everything seemed to be my general size. It made something strange twist in my belly and it took me a moment to realize that it was fear.

Something very strange was going on here. To wake up in a ship’s bunk in a room that had clothes in just my size? It sent a creepy chill down my spine.

I quickly pulled on a pair of pants made out of some durable feeling material and a long sleeved red and white striped shirt that was only slightly ridiculous looking. Whoever belonged to these clothes either didn’t have a very developed ense of style, or just didn’t care all that much.

I had to huff a faint laugh when I realized that I was stressing about fashion while not even knowing where the hell I was. Talk about a shallow sense of survival.

Turning, I spotted a pair of heavy duty black boots tucked under the edge of the bunk. I tossed the blanket back on top of the bunk and leaned down to pull the boots out, sitting down right on the decking to pull them on over the pink and black argyle socks I was currently wearing.

It was strange to feel so relieved at having my feet covered, but there it was. These boots made me feel just a little less helpless and a little more bad ass. Though what I was going to do if I ended up in a fight, I honestly didn’t know.

I looked down at my hands — they were small and delicate fingered, definitely not the killing instruments I was going to need to get out of a bad situation. And even though there was lots of junk tucked away in the cabin, there wasn’t much I could use as a weapon, not without being laughed at. It made me feel terribly helpless, a sensation I was quickly growing to hate.

There was a creaking sound from the hatch and I leaped to my feet, instinctively going into a half-crouch with my hands ready at my sides. Scenarios flashed through my brain and I thought that maybe I wasn’t as completely useless as I’d thought at first, though maybe I was full on delusional and just didn’t know.

The hatch opened and a bearded man stepped through, limping a bit on his left leg, though my judicious eyes told me it was an old injury likely as healed as it was ever going to get without a graft. He was dressed in standard spacer fare — a gray coverall with a ship’s patch on his left sleeve and magnetic soled boots much like the ones I was currently wearing. His graying black hair was cut close to his head and his brown eyes were hard as they looked around the room — right up until they landed on me and went so warm I could feel it through my bones.

“Star, girl, you’re back with us.” He strode toward me across the room, his arms opening wide as though to engulf me. He hesitated and lowered his arms when I drew back away from him nervously. The big smile fell off his face and he looked a bit more wary. “Star, are you okay, darling?”

“Who are you?” my voice sounded rusty and strange in my own ears. For some reason I had been expecting a different kind of voice, not this girlish thing. “Where am I?”

“Oh, honey,” he said sadly, “we were worried about something like this.”

“About what?” I demanded, narrowing my eyes. I inched slowly backward, wanting to get a corner behind me just in case it turned into a fight.

“You got knocked hard on the head and Gant said there might be problems.” He shook his head. “I should have trusted him.”

“What are you talking about? Who are you?” I asked.

He pressed a hand to his chest and tried to give me a sincere expression that I wasn’t buying. “It’s me, Star, your daddy.”

My eyebrows shot up into my hairline. “What?”

Who was this guy and why was he trying to pretend he was my father? My father was… my father…

I sucked in a shocked breath. I didn’t remember my own father, and when I tried to think about it, I didn’t remember my mother either or any siblings or even any friends. All my frantic thoughts could draw on were the names of celebrities, nothing personal.

“Wh…” I raked a hand through my hair — it was short and felt vaguely fluffy, though like my voice it seemed strange and unfamiliar. “What’s happened to me? Where am I?”

He slowly extended a hand toward me and I couldn’t help the slight flare of resentment I experienced when I realized he was treating me like some kind of wild animal. “It’s like I said, you got hit pretty hard on the head. If we hadn’t been able to get you to Gant so quick, you might have been dead.”

“Who’s Gant?”

He shook his head. “Oh, right, sorry. Gant is our ship’s medic. He’s been taking care of you since you were a baby, so when he said there was something off about your brain waves I should have listened.” He blew out his cheeks, then gave me a piercing look that made me want to cringe back. “Do you know who I am, Star?”

“Why do you keep calling me that?” I asked.

He looked surprised. “What, ‘Star’? Honey, I been calling you that since you were shorter than the soles of my boots. It’s your name. Jenna Star Brite.”

The name didn’t mean anything to me, though when I tried to remember my name I drew a complete blank. A surge of panic went through me and my hands trembled so bad I clasped them together over my stomach in the hopes he wouldn’t see. “My name is Jenna?” I asked.

“Well, your legal paperwork name, anyways,” he said. “You’ve always just been Star since just about birth.” He made like he was going to step closer, but stopped when I cringed away. I didn’t like putting that hurt look on his face, but there was no way I wanted this strange man getting too close to me.

“And you’re my father?” I asked slowly.

“Yeah, that’s me,” he said. “Willis Brite, captain of the Maybell.”

“I don’t understand what’s going on,” I said. “There’s obviously something very wrong with me if I can’t remember anything. I mean,” I laughed, though it didn’t really sound like one, “I didn’t even know that I didn’t know anything. How screwed up is that? What’s happened to me?”

Willis made a shushing sound and carefully drew closer. This time I didn’t pull away and he slowly reached out to rest a hand on my shoulder. It felt strange, but what did I know; everything was strange. “It’s all right, Star, we’ll get through this,” he said. He tugged me and I let myself be pulled into his arms, let myself be hugged close by this man that said he was my father.

He smelled vaguely of some musty cologne that made my nose wrinkle against the cloth of his shoulder where he couldn’t see. I felt incredibly uncomfortable, but if he really was my father… How could I push him away when he obviously loved me so much?

“It’s gonna be okay,” he whispered, pressing a kiss against the top of my head. “I promise, Daddy’s gonna make everything be okay.”

/EXCERPT

 

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