Heather Balog's Blog, page 27
May 12, 2015
Chick Lit Rocks!
What would the soundtrack to The 8 Mistakes of Amy Maxwell sound like?
Check out these tunes below, and don’t forget to read the instructions on how to enter for another chance at winning one of Whitney’s Goodies!
Welcome to the Jungle AND Lips of An Angel on one soundtrack??? Sounds like a wild ride! Check out the whole novel:
The 8 Mistakes of Amy Maxwell (Amy Maxwell Series Book 1)
May 10, 2015
What’s on page 45?
What’s on page 45 of “The 8 Mistakes of Amy Maxwell”???
Well, it’s at this point in the story that Amy is finally getting to sit down after running around like a crazed maniac with a piñata after organizing her son’s sixth birthday party. As every mother knows, planning a party is a gigantic undertaking and you get no assistance from anyone. Not only were the kids messing up the place as she cleaned and prepped, she forgot to make the cake AND her husband opted for a crab catching reality show marathon with a few beers instead of helping her. To make matters worse, she just discovered a strange teenager in her backyard playing with her six year old. Being the protective mom she is, she marches him across the street by his ear. She is shocked to find out he’s actually been living there for months in the care of his grandmother and grandfather, Mary and Walter, neighbors she thought she knew. His father, Jason, is a widower and travels often for business. Turns out the teenager, Sean, is autistic and wandered out of his grandparents’ care.
While the neighbor’s story makes sense, Amy still thinks something is off. Why did they never mention a grandson living with them? Why did they never mention that they had a son? Amy had never seen any visitors, and now that she thought about it, she had never seen this “son”, Jason, either. She is instantly suspicious. Maybe he isn’t their grandson after all. Maybe they kidnapped him! (It is evident at this point of the story that our heroine has a bit of an overactive imagination).
So while Amy is relaxing after most of the party guests have left with a glass of wine and picking up the discarded wrapping paper, she is shocked to hear her perfect sister (the one who she will NEVER live up to in the eyes of her mother) mention the drug rings that are running rampant in the “seedy” neighborhood that Amy lives in.
I sit up, suddenly at attention. ‘What? Could that be why Mary was squirrely earlier? Maybe they didn’t kidnap Sean, but they are using him as a drug mule!’
Has Sean been kidnapped? Is he being used as a drug mule? Are Mary and Walter as innocent as they seem? And who is this mysterious Jason? Find out in “The 8 Mistakes of Amy Maxwell”:
The 8 Mistakes of Amy Maxwell (Amy Maxwell Series Book 1)
May 4, 2015
All I Want For Mother’s Day is…
It’s no secret that I’m not a fan of Mother’s Day. In my eyes, it’s a Hallmark holiday with built up expectations that fail. Every. Single. Year. So I’m going to lower any expectations this year and say I don’t want anything at all. They can’t screw that up, can they?
Oh, but they will. Because when I say “all I want is nothing”, it’s not completely true. No, I don’t want anything materialistic like a spa day or a new Coach bag. Hell, I’ll buy that for myself. I don’t want a crappy homemade card that my kids whipped up the night before on the back of a grocery receipt. I don’t want droopy flowers or a plant to kill. What I do want, and what I am hoping one year I will finally get, is a little bit of appreciation. And quiet. I really want the quiet most of all.
I want to go an entire day without having to remind my daughter to bring her twenty seven million stuffed animals upstairs instead of scattering them all over the living room. I want to go an entire day without pulling my son’s dirty socks out of the couch cushions and finding his “cup” on the floor of my car. I want to go an entire day without the cat throwing up (or at least if she does, someone else cleans it up). I want to go an entire day without the dog waking me up to go out in the middle of the night. Let him wake someone else up for a change. I want to go an entire day without repeating myself fifty two THOUSAND times when I ask my son to empty the dishwasher. I want to go an entire day without cleaning up milk spills on the floor and juice dripped down the front of the refrigerator. I want to go an entire day without screaming at people to wipe the toilet seat and aim better. I want to go an entire day without screaming at people to dry the shower doors when they’re done showering so mold doesn’t grow in the cracks. I want to go an entire day without yelling at my daughter for drinking in the living room. I want to go an entire day without yelling at my son about eating in the living room. I want to go an entire day without reminding my daughter about her homework or ranting to my son about his missing Math assignments. I want to go an entire day without someone shoving a trip permission slip in my face at 8 am on a Monday morning saying, “here sign this…oh and I need money…cash only.” I want to go an entire day without my daughter having a meltdown because she’s hot, tired, hungry, achy, cold, doesn’t want to play softball, or is just plain bitchy. I want to go an entire day without telling my son that he needs to put his clean laundry away so that the cat doesn’t pee on it. I want to go an entire day without my kids kicking each other or making faces at each other or just fighting for No F’ING REASON AT ALL EXCEPT TO PISS ME OFF. I want to go an entire day without anyone arguing with me. I want to go an entire day when everyone just does what they’re supposed to without being asked.
So basically…I do need that spa day because the only way any of that will happen is if my children wake up with brain transplants on Mother’s Day or I’m not home. I’m thinking “not home” is my best bet for a great Mother’s Day. If anyone needs me…go find your father.
Filed under: Uncategorized Tagged: children, I hate mother's day, mother's day, mother's day fails








April 30, 2015
“Note to Self: Change the Locks” is FREE
Until Friday!
Originally posted on Heather Balog:
You want #Free#chicklitreads? “Note to Self: Change the Locks” is available for your #Kindle no matter where you live!
Canada: http://amzn.to/1JLKzk5
Australia: http://bit.ly/1dlUgvp
Spain: http://amzn.to/1QBWypr
France: http://amzn.to/1ExwQNN
Germany: http://amzn.to/1GBupMx
Italy: http://amzn.to/1bMv80y
Mexico: http://bit.ly/1GBuvUr
Brazil: http://bit.ly/1KoSy7y
India: http://amzn.to/1zgMf4W
Japan: http://amzn.to/1bMxjRJ
Netherlands: http://bit.ly/1Gqsh4Y
Filed under: Uncategorized








April 27, 2015
“Note to Self: Change the Locks” is FREE
You want #Free #chicklitreads? “Note to Self: Change the Locks” is available for your #Kindle no matter where you live!
Canada: http://amzn.to/1JLKzk5
Australia: http://bit.ly/1dlUgvp
Spain: http://amzn.to/1QBWypr
France: http://amzn.to/1ExwQNN
Germany: http://amzn.to/1GBupMx
Italy: http://amzn.to/1bMv80y
Mexico: http://bit.ly/1GBuvUr
Brazil: http://bit.ly/1KoSy7y
India: http://amzn.to/1zgMf4W
Japan: http://amzn.to/1bMxjRJ
Netherlands: http://bit.ly/1Gqsh4Y
Filed under: novels Tagged: book bargains, Free books, kindle, kindle deals, uk kindle








April 13, 2015
I Must Be Going to Hell
The other day I was talking to a fellow parent and she was lamenting about her daughter’s confirmation and everything that it entails. She was also complaining because her son just made communion last year and had a huge party and it cost her a lot of money. I just shrugged my shoulders at her when she asked what I was going to be doing for my son’s confirmation.
“Nothing,” I said. “He’s not making his confirmation. We don’t do CCD.” She looked at me as if I told her he eats the urinal cakes in the boys’ bathroom.
“Oh,” she said with a look of distain. I knew exactly what she was thinking…Bad mommy. Apparently, my bad parenting skills spill over into their religious education. OR rather, their lack of. They don’t go to Sunday school or CCD. In fact, we don’t even go to church anymore. According to the powers that be, my children are apparently heathens and nothing short of an exorcism will redeem them.
Let me explain. I went to Catholic school. So much CHURCH. And God. And HELL. Always talking about what will send you to hell. I grew up thinking if you weren’t a nun or a priest and if anything every felt/ tasted/ looked good…it would send you straight to hell. After two years of Catholic school, I got pulled out because it was too expensive (hmmm…was it all about the money?) and I was sent to public school with the rest of the riff raff. But I wasn’t off the hook. I still had to go to the dreaded CCD. And it was continually drilled into my head the nine hundred and fifty two ways I could get myself sent to hell.
I grew up scared of church. It was boring and nothing resonated with me. But if you didn’t go, you were going to hell. If you didn’t go to confession, you were going to hell. Anything you confessed? Sending you straight to hell. Every thought I had or thing I did made me feel guilty. And what’s more, I found it ironic that the people who talked the most about God and went to church the most, were the biggest hypocrites. They tended to be the most unkind and unforgiving people of all. Not saying they knocked little old ladies down and stole their purses, but they were unyielding to anyone who didn’t share their beliefs, unaccepting of anyone who didn’t follow the letter of the “law” to a T. Needless to say, I got kind of jaded and as soon as I made my own confirmation, I avoided the place like the plague.
Until I got married…
My husband is not Catholic. He’s Presbyterian and his parents are pretty regular church goers. They’re not pushy or fire and brimstone; they’re kind and thoughtful people and raised a good man. So I figured, let’s get married in his church, right? Wrong.
My holy roller father would not hear of that. IF I didn’t get married in the Catholic church, I was going to hell. And he wouldn’t come to witness my fall from grace. So off to church I went with a fake smile plastered on my face, putting my envelopes in, making sure the priest saw me every week so that when I begged for him to perform my marriage ceremony, he would not give me a problem. That should have been enough, right?
Nope. He wanted to know, where was my husband to be? When I explained that he was not Catholic, I swear you would have thought I told the man that his Lexus had been vandalized. Seriously. To him, NOT CATHOLIC was akin to a mass murdering pedophile. And my husband was treated as such when we met with the priest who sent him out of the room (due to the fact that he was beyond saving) and had me sign a form that stated I would raise our children Catholic if we were to have any. Reluctantly, I did. Because if I didn’t, not only was I going to hell, they were too.
And when said children arrived, of course I had to baptize them (and jump through massive hoops to do so…)
So when my son was 6, of course I was compelled to send him off to CCD. Reluctantly. I shoved him out the door and into the gates of the school each and every week. He cried, he begged, he pleaded. He hated it. And I hated sending him. And I also hated having to sit in church every week with them (so much fun with a rambunctious two year old who talked VERY loudly) so that he could get his paper signed to prove that he was in church. What little good it did him… he would spend the entire hour helping me peel his sister off the walls or reading a book. He learned nothing and was miserable in the process.
So when they started talking about confirmation and what it was going to entail, he came to me and said, “I want to tap out here…I’m not interested in making my confirmation.” So I sat down and thought about this (without input from my heathen husband…he’s going to hell anyway). The kid had a point. Making your confirmation means you’re prepared to be an adult in the Catholic church and he did not want that. So he was deciding to not go any further in his religious education and I had to respect that.
Which was fine until I tried to enroll my daughter in CCD. I got a phone call directly from the priest who informed me that she could not attend unless her brother was also enrolled. They absolutely refused to accept her. I was confused how they would turn down a child who WANTED to go and learn about her religion just because they had “lost” her brother (for the time being). That didn’t make sense to me at all.
When I explained the situation, the priest told me that my child was too young to make this choice. “But Father,” I said, “If he’s too young to choose NOT to become an adult in the Catholic church, isn’t he too young to decide TO become an adult in the church?” He ignored my question and spent a half hour berating me and telling me how my poor parenting would lead to my child becoming a delinquent without any religion. He actually said to me, “Come back in three years and let me know how he’s doing. I guarantee you that you will be having more than just the normal teenager problems with him.” Oh and of course, that he’s going to hell.
I dealt with many nights of tossing and turning, the guilt eating me up. Should I enroll her somewhere else? Should I make him go? I didn’t want my precious babies sent to hell. That Catholic upbringing was giving me an ulcer. Finally, I came to the realization, if the Catholic church didn’t want me, then I didn’t want them. It was difficult and gut-wrenching, but I think it was the best decision I’ve ever made. One day, I’ll find a church that that makes me feel comfortable and like I belong. It’ll be non-judgmental and care about its parishioners, not making them feel badly about themselves. Until then, we worship the idea of being kind to one another and just trying to be good people.
It’s three years later…aside from his obsession with shoes, fighting with his sister and his tendency to procrastinate until I have a stroke from screaming at him to do something, I really can’t ask for a better kid. He’s smart and well liked by his peers and respected. Just last week my husband snooped through his phone (as he tends to do) and found he had stuck up for some girl that his friends were bullying. And his friends? CCD attendees and altar boys. But MY kid is going to hell? Over my dead body.
Filed under: parenting humor Tagged: #catholic school, #CCD, #leaving the catholic church, #losing your religion, #religion for children, #sunday school








April 12, 2015
Liebster!
I have been nominated for a Liebster Award (from the German, meaning beloved, sweetheart, darling) by Laurie Baxter! The Liebsters are given by bloggers to bloggers who are new or are looking to build their follower base, as a way of highlighting them so new readers can find them. Laurie Baxter is the author of Veronica Mars: Caller ID and one of the eight authors of Fools Rush In: An April Fool’s Day Anthology. http://lauriebaxter.com/tag/blog-hop/
So, the first part of my duty as a Liebster recipient is answering 11 questions posed by Laurie:
What was the last book you read that you loved?
I’ve loved many books recently, but it’s very hard to get a true 5 star review out of me. The last book that got an absolute 5 star review was A Grown-up Kind of Pretty by Joshilyn Jackson. It took my breath away.
What book do you wish you had written?
“Fifty Shades of Gray”. Mostly because it’s crap and she’s a bazillionaire. No, seriously, I wish I had written any of Agatha Christie’s novels. She was just BRILLIANT.
If you could have been born at any time in history, when would you choose?
I’ve always wanted to be a teenager in the 50s, I love the poodle skirts and the fluffy hairstyles. Girls in the 50s looked like they were having so much fun, no pressure to do anything but sing show tunes at lunch and marry a guy with great hair…so I guess I’d have to be born in the late 30s for that, right?
What are your favorite and least favorite holidays?
Although Christmas Eve is my favorite day of the year, I would have to say Thanksgiving is my all time favorite holiday. You eat whatever you want, calories don’t count and there’s no pressure to give any gifts at all. Ah…bliss.
I am really not a fan of Easter. It’s so fickle…sometimes hot, sometimes snowing. Plus it’s bad for people who have no self control around peanut butter eggs. And jelly beans. Damn those jelly beans.
What word can you never spell?
Prefer. I have to let spell check do it for me every time. Oh, and license trips me up all the time too. I always reverse the c and the s.
Dogs or cats?
Dogs are definitely more fun and loveable and I have two, but man, are cats easier. I think I will definitely have cats when I am a little old lady. Except, I read a story about a lady who died and her cats ate her…so maybe I’ll just get a goldfish.
Any phobias?
Not a fan of enclosed spaces. Once we were at the Liberty Science Center with a school group and I had a panic attack in the Touch Tunnel. A group of 4th graders had to help me out. Not my finest moment.
If your life were a book, what would the title be?
This is a difficult one. Hmmm…”Title to Be Named Later”? No, I know…”Men Are Only Useful For Changing Lightbulbs”.
Who would play you in the movie?
Probably Drew Barrymore cuz she’s kind of quirky like me. And I told my husband that he would be played by Kevin James…he was totally okay with that, although he preferred John Goodman. He also mentioned that John would have to “Slim down” for the role, so maybe Kevin was best.
Favorite quote?
“There’s no crying in baseball!”
Favorite childhood Halloween costume?
My mother was in a wedding once and they all wore floor length taffeta gowns just like Scarlett O’Hara’s in Gone With the Wind. So one year, I discovered it in the attic and it was my Halloween costume for three years in a row. I wish I still fit in it, but I don’t have Mammy to suck me into my corset.
The second part of my duty is to nominate five other bloggers.
Award Rules:
Acknowledge and link back your nominator.
Answer 11 questions given by the nominator.
Nominate other bloggers who have fewer than 200 followers. (I’m not really sure how to measure this, but use your best judgement.)
Post 11 new questions to ask your nominees.
Let your nominees know that you have nominated them.
I nominate:
Meagan Pensabene https://wordpress.com/read/blog/id/57216534/
Anita Carroll https://wordpress.com/read/blog/id/45760229/
Bethany Turner https://wordpress.com/read/blog/id/69455333/
Lizzie Lamb https://wordpress.com/read/blog/id/49128727/
Monique McDonell http://www.moniquemcdonellauthor.com/blog
Here are my questions:
What is your first memory?
Lefty or righty?
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
What is your guilty pleasure?
What was the last book you rated 5 stars?
Good cook or fan of eating out?
Who is your favorite literary heroine?
What’s the number one thing on your bucket list?
If you had an entire day to yourself with no obligations and money was not an object, what would you do?
Last song you heard?
What animal are you?
Filed under: novels Tagged: #anita carroll, #liebster, bethany turner, Lizzie Lamb, meagan pensabene, Monique McDonell








April 8, 2015
Women Hero Wednesday! Stacey Wiedower
Fellow Chick Lit author Stacey Wiedower just released her first novel in January, and let me tell you, it was one of the most FUN novels I’ve read in a long time. Erin Crawford is a relationship blogger with a bucket list and a vendetta. After years of horrible luck in relationships, she decides to start a blog called “30 First Dates.” Her mission: go out with 30 men before her 30th birthday, all to find a non-jerk in 30 dates or less. As she blogs about her sometimes humorous and sometimes laughably bad dates, she crosses off her bucket list of 30 things she wants to do before she turns 30—and kills two birds with one stone by completing the items on her dates! In fourteen months she skydives, skinnydips, crashes a wedding, travels to multiple cities and lives way outside her comfort zone. The only question is, as her birthday approaches and her list grows smaller, will Erin be able to find love? Or is she destined to be a first-date-only kind of girl?
My review of “30 First Dates”30 First Dates by Stacey Wiedower
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
This is 4.5 stars but I wanted the author to get the benefit of a 5 star rating because this is probably the best chick lit novel I’ve read to date. (Trust me, 4.5 stars is HUGE fro me…I don’t just give these stars away). I started this book and saw it was about a “bucket list”, a 30 by 30 list of things to accomplish. I just read a very similar book (“Twenty Five” by Rachel Hamm), so I was initially disappointed it would be about the same thing. Only it wasn’t at all. It was so poignant and funny and true to life. Sure, there were some unrealistic things that happened and sure, I figured out the ending, but the journey was much better than I expected. In the first book I read the list was mostly about the character feeling inadequate for her age. Maybe I couldn’t relate because at 25 I was married with a career, a house and a baby on the way. I think I related more to the idea that thirty really is a turning point in your life. It’s the point where you say, “well now what?” Even though I wasn’t looking for love at 30, most of what Erin went through in this book resonated with me. To me it was about finding what made you happy and being true to that. I really admire Erin for realizing even though she had a great job, it wasn’t what she was meant to do. Taking that huge step to change careers, even at a young age of 30, is a huge risk.
It doesn’t happen often that a book inspires me outside of the pages. I liked this book so much that I decided to make my own bucket list. I’m way too close to my 40th birthday, so I decided 50 things by 50. Some are risky, some are just about getting out of my comfort zone. But I know even if I don’t accomplish all of them, even if I only get a few done, I’ll be proud of myself. Just like Erin.
Stacey had barely blown out the candles on her 21st birthday cake when she took her first job as a reporter at a daily newspaper. She later followed her passion to interior design school and spent three years working at a firm with bizarre similarities to the set of Designing Women. Today she funnels that experience into her work as a full-time freelance writer, penning everything from magazine articles to website copy to a bi-weekly column called Inside Design. She also writes romantic comedy, and the zany characters she’s met poke their heads into her stories from time to time. Stacey lives in Memphis, Tenn., with her husband, also a writer, and a son who’s inherited their overactive imaginations.
Interview with Stacey Wiedower:
I loved the character of Erin. She was funny and ballsy and everything I inspire to be, a new kind of literary heroine.
I spoke to Stacey about her own literary heroines and this is what she had to say:
“My favorite literary heroine is Jane Eyre because she’s strong and stands up for herself, and yet when people are cruel to her she only becomes kinder, rather than hateful or spiteful.”
Stacey is now one of MY favorite female writers, but I was curious, who her favorite was:
“My current favorite female author is … good grief, that’s a tough question. I’m going to answer Emily Giffin simply because I met her at a book signing last week, and she confirmed my long-held suspicion that she’s the type of person you’d love to have as a best friend.”
Writers love to envision their novels made into movies. I was curious who Stacey saw in the main role of Erin:
“My friends had a Facebook debate about this, and the consensus was Jennifer Lawrence.”
(I agree…she’d be perfect!)
And finally, since this was a novel about self exploration through a “bucket list”, I wanted to know, what’s on YOUR bucket list, Stacey?:
“I want to live in England for a while. A year, give or take, to really experience life somewhere else, get to know my family better (my mom is British), and expose my son to another culture. And while there, I want to travel and see as much of Europe as possible.”
If you love “The Bachelorette”, you’ll love this novel. If you love a fun read, you’ll love this novel. Ok, if you love books, you’ll love this novel! Pick it up today at: http://www.amazon.com/30-First-Dates-romantic-comedy-ebook/dp/B00S02R4UY
Filed under: Uncategorized








April 1, 2015
“Fools Rush In”
I just had the pleasure of finishing this April Fool’s Day” Anthology this past Sunday. Eight delightful and different stories by eight fabulous Chick Lit authors. I sat them all down on my Barbara Walter’s couch and asked them each the question that is burning in our minds…
Who is your favorite literary heroine and current female author?
Wait, did you think it was something like Barbara would ask? I didn’t want to make them cry! And I admit…I don’t have a couch like Barbara…I asked via email.
I’d love for you to read a little bit about the stories in this set and hope you’ll pick it up for yourself. The best part is, it’s FREE right now. And that’s not an April Fool’s Joke. (I swear!)
March 31, 2015
Top Ten Reasons to Visit the School Nurse
It’s been a harrowing day of insanity at the nurse’s office. My feet are throbbing from dashing around in my heels, I’m lightheaded from lack of food, and I have a tingling in my bladder from not getting to use the bathroom…I’m pretty sure I may have peed my pants when I sneezed. Lots of kids puking, right? Allergy season running amuck? Playground injuries?
No, no, and a resounding no. Oh sure, I see all that during the day, but those things, I don’t mind. They’re part of my job. What’s more, vomiting and injuries don’t bother me. I actually look forward to real nursing duties during the day. Splinters and scraped knees and migraines, oh my! Got an immunization question? I bet I know the answer! What’s that rash? Not sure, but I’ll do my best to find out. What foods are in the vegetable AND grain group…I know that too! (Answer: it’s corn and potatoes)
That’s what I’m here for, what I studied for. But apparently I’ve come to learn over the last fourteen years, “school nurse” is synonymous with MOMMY. Anything they can’t figure out what to do about, I get to tackle. Because after all, having gone to nursing school makes me the most qualified individual in the building to zip up pants.
And that’s #10 on my list: Clothing issues. About five times a day, I get, “Can you button my pants? Can you zip my pants? Can you tie my shoes?” When the kids get their zipper on their jacket stuck, they get sent to me. Yup, cuz that Bio class I took really helped with the task of zippering. Oh, and I had a teacher send me a kid to zip their hood of their coat to the top of the coat. What. The. ???
#9. Loose teeth. I’m not a dentist. I don’t pull teeth. It’ll come out when it’s ready. Come back when it comes out and I’ll give you a cute little treasure chest and help you rinse your mouth. I repeat, I am NOT pulling your tooth. No, please don’t show me how far you can twist it because I’m still not pulling it.
#8. Invisible paper cuts. This is a biggie. In fact, I might estimate this accounts for 50% of my day. If I can’t see it, you don’t need a Band-Aid.
#7. Spilled milk/ juice/ water/ condiments. When the kids spill on themselves at lunch, like they’re apt to, I get to figure out what to do with them. Sometimes, I’ll call home. Usually, moms and dads cannot leave work just to bring their kids an extra set of clothes (which I TOTALLY understand). Sometimes I have an extra shirt they can wear or we can blow dry it, but if I don’t, this causes quite the ruckus. Heaven forbid anyone has ketchup stain on their shirt. Oh and dog/geese poop on the shoes. Apparently anything that has to do with bodily functions (human OR animal) is relegated to school nurses.
#6. Chapped lips. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Stop licking your lips!!!!!!
#5. Something happened yesterday/ over the weekend/ four months ago, and now it “stings”. I’m not talking about a broken arm. I’m talking those invisible paper cuts again. Oh and “it hurts when I do this” (taps lip, bends hand all the way back, cracks knuckles, tries to do a backflip, or any other thing you should not be doing in the first place). My answer? “Don’t do that and it’ll stop hurting.”
#4. Lice. Yes, I realize checking for lice is in my job description. HOWEVER, it is not the end of the freakin’ world. If I tell you I will check later/ tomorrow/ soon…the world as we know it will NOT end. Lice is at the bottom of my pile of “Important things to deal with today”. (The kid with the broken finger and the other one with the split lip kind of take precedence.) Teachers: I do not want to check your hair. I do not think that you got lice because you were in the same room as someone who had lice. Don’t want to possibly catch lice? Don’t go to the movies. Or leave your coat in a coat closet at a restaurant. Or sit on a plane. It’s all around us people. (Insert freak out here…)
#3. Speaking of all around us…when there is “something going around” and the teachers want every person who sneezes and coughs or has a pink tinged eye to go home so they don’t “bring anything home to their kids, spouse, dog, etc. etc.”. As a PSA, I can assure you there is ALWAYS something going around. If you don’t want to ever catch something, don’t leave your house. And certainly don’t work in an elementary school. That’s like rolling around in a patch of poison ivy and not expecting the rash that surfaces three days later. Here’s a clue…if I’m not running in the other direction, there’s no need for you to worry. Who do you think deals with EVERY illness to cross the threshold of the school? Oh, and wash your hands.
#2. “So and so shouted and it hurts my ear”. Okay, and what would you like me to do about this? No really, seriously? None of the kids seem to mind the headphones blasting in their eardrums 24/7.
#1. My absolute favorite. Stuff spilled in backpacks (ie. milk, water, soda). THIS IS NOT A MEDICAL ISSUE!!!!!! Enough said.
Filed under: parenting humor
