Heather Balog's Blog, page 10

What Mom Wants for Mother’s Day

Wondering what to get your mother for the big holiday coming up this Sunday? I’ve decided to put my dislike for this day aside (see Mother’s Day Misery) and help you all out in your gift giving enthusiasm. Here are a few simple rules to follow in order to make this Mother’s Day the best for your mom.

#1. Don’t cook your mother a meal…unless you plan on cleaning up the ENTIRE meal.  This means scrubbing the waffle iron clean and running the dishwasher. This includes the knives you use and the mugs she drinks out of. It also mean you need to clean up the milk you spill on the floor and the flour that ends up on the ceiling fan. Not willing to do that? Then no breakfast in bed and no elaborate French dinners. Mom does NOT want to clean up your mess. She also does NOT want to go out to eat with a million other moms. So what to eat? Order take out or make burgers on the grill (and don’t forget—it’s YOUR job to clean it up). Some moms are partial to Sangria, chips and guacamole for lunch on Mother’s Day…hint, hint, mi familia. 

#2. Don’t spend a lot of money on a gift. I’m not kidding. Mom doesn’t want an expensive gift. Spending money doesn’t show you care. What means more than an expensive gift? Get her something she’s mentioned over the last few months—tickets for a movie she wants to see, a book she wants to read, gardening tools for her garden, a gift card to get a pedicure…Prove to her that what she says really DOESN’T go in one ear and out the other.

#3. DON’T get her something that “typical” moms like, if you know it’s not her thing. Some moms really don’t like flowers, chocolate, or jewelry—don’t get those things for your mother if you’ve never seen her wear a piece of jewelry, she’s on a diet, and flowers make her break out into hives. Also, don’t get her a gift that YOU want for yourself. No mom wants to hear, “Oh you don’t like video games? I guess I’ll have it then.” (She probably WOULD like a bottle of wine though…I mean, only if it’s her thing.

The Bad Mommy Cooks—Shrimp Po’Boy

In our quest to find a meal for Louisiana a few weeks ago, I pinned quite a few other recipes, including one for Shrimp Po’Boy. These are so delicious, but we have had them in restaurants so we wanted to try something new. Hence the Gumbo. Anyway, I came across the recipe again the other day while searching for something to make for dinner. The following is a conversation between me and hubby in the car on the way home:

Me: “Look at this shrimp po’boy. Doesn’t it look great?”

Hubby: “Yeah. We should make that tonight. But instead of the remoulade sauce, we should use the Bang Bang shrimp sauce we make for Christmas Eve.”

Me: “We can do that?”

Hubby: “We can do anything we want. It’s our meal.”

Me: “Okay, sounds good.”

We get home—hubby goes downstairs to take a nap, leaving me to make dinner by myself.

The Bad Mommy Cooks—Vermont

Ah, Vermont. My aunt and uncle used to live in Vermont about a million years ago. What I remember about Vermont is that it was a beautiful state with twisty, winding roads, lots of farms, and maple syrup. In fact, I haven’t had maple syrup in about thirty-four years due to those twisty, winding roads. On one trip home from Vermont I had eaten pancakes with strawberries and maple syrup for breakfast—that breakfast ended up in the backseat of our car.  Ever since then, I wouldn’t touch maple syrup with a ten-foot pole. I’m sure my puking was due to the road conditions, rather than maple syrup, but my seven year old brain was convinced that maple syrup was the culprit.

It’s been quite a long time since that fateful car trip, still, no maple syrup has passed these lips. When we pulled Vermont, I assumed I’d go the easy route (especially after my Kentucky fail) and I’d just make waffles, pour some maple syrup on them and call it a day. To me, that would be a challenge enough since I have a maple syrup aversion. Hubby called me out on it—he said making waffles from a mix (like I do most Sundays) would be cheating.

“Fine,” I said, and I stormed off to troll Pinterest for a Vermont recipe. I quickly became intrigued by a pin for Vermont Maple Apple Rings. They’re cored and sliced apples dipped in batter and then grilled on a skillet. The recipe only had a handful ingredients and seemed quick and easy. Kind of like pancakes, but with apples in the center.

But knowing me, nothing is quick and easy. In fact, after I assembled the ingredients for the apple rings I recalled why I always make waffles and I never make pancakes. I suck at making pancakes. You may think that it’s impossible to not be able to make pancakes, but I assure you, I am crap at making pancakes. Still, I was committed at that point…no going back now. And besides, Hubby even made me coffee so I kind of had to make an attempt now. (Even though he only made half a cup and walked away from the Keurig, leaving me to finish making my own coffee while trying to cook

Cinco de Mayo Sangria

The Salmon Calamity

I’ve figured it out. I can’t cook when it’s a full moon. Or when there’s recently been a full moon. Or on days that end in y.

I tried something different for dinner tonight and no, it was not a success. It was the opposite of a success. It was a calamity.

Hubby bought a piece of salmon last Wednesday—he was supposed to make it on Wednesday and no one felt like salmon. He was supposed to make it Thursday and no one felt like salmon. He was supposed to make it Friday and no one felt like salmon. Saturday, I put the salmon in the freezer.

I took it out a few days later, vowing that we would eat it this week. I explained to the family that we need to eat more salmon. Salmon is really good for you, you know? It’s just not what my family considers an exciting meal. So they try to put off eating it as long as possible. Which is incredibly frustrating for the person trying to plan the meals and make sure everyone eats and gets enough Omega-3s and that they don’t die from malnutrition.

I swore up and down that we had to eat this salmon by Friday (today). Hubby spent the better part of the afternoon trying to fix the lawnmower in the 90 degree, pollen laden outdoors (he’s not exactly handy, nor an outdoorsman) so I could hardly ask him to make the salmon. I would have to cook it.

I have to admit, I got more than a little nervous—I’ve never made salmon. Hubby always makes it. And he does a good job, too. I’ve yet to encounter restaurant salmon that is as good as his. It’s hard to meet everyone’s salmon expectations when he’s set the bar so high.

Anyway, I thought I’d try to air-fry the salmon. I’ve heard that people have good results in the air-fryer and it’s easy and delicious. I checked Pinterest for some recipes and the people all gushed about how easy and idiot-proof air-frying salmon was. LIARS. Those people are not ME.

The recipe I decided to use had honey, rice vinegar, sesame oil, and soy sauce. I made the mixture and marinated the salmon for 2 hours like it instructed. Then I put it in the air-fryer and went about making the rice. I have some sort of mental block with rice. No matter what I do, the rice is either too hard or too mushy. I feel like Goldilocks every single time I make rice. I just can’t get it right. Still, I added two cups of water to a pot and set it to boil as I crossed my fingers.

That’s when things got ugly.

I’ll spare you all the details (there was a smoke alarm incident and a burnt hand involved)—suffice to say, honey + salmon + air fryer= calamity:

Notice my salmon looks nothing like the yummy piece at the top of the page even though I followed the recipe to a T.

The outside was as dry as jerky and the inside was as raw as sushi. I also choked up a little, thinking my air-fryer tray was ruined. Apparently, honey is not the optimal glaze to use in the air-fryer (see why I call the Pinterest people liars? They didn’t mention this issue…)

The rice was crunchy as well. The only thing I managed to get right was the steam it in the bag broccoli. I was nearly in tears. It was almost 7:30 on a Friday night—what the heck were we going to eat, and what was I going to do with this salmon and rice I cooked (and ruined)?

I’m happy to report that #1. My dog doesn’t mind my awful cooking. #2. I was able to get the air-fryer tray clean. and #3. My local pizzeria was able to whip up two pies before Hubby even realized I burnt dinner.

Lesson learned—no cooking salmon or rice for me. No cooking during a full moon week. Just order the pizza to begin with.

The post The Salmon Calamity appeared first on Author Heather Balog.

The Bad Mommy Cooks—Kentucky

Kentucky Disaster

*Sigh* Things were going so well on our cooking tour. I guess I could only expect Kentucky to be a bombtastic failure. I was so excited that we pulled Kentucky last week. The Kentucky Derby is May 5th, only a few days away…what serendipitous timing! There were so many different Kentucky Derby recipes to choose from, that I decided we needed to make a meal, a drink AND a dessert. Hot Browns, Mint Juleps, and a Derby Pie.

I Was a Bit Overwhelmed by the Menu

Now as you can imagine, all that makes for a complicated grocery list. Okay, maybe not complicated, but I’ve got a lot on my mind these days. Flipping back and forth between recipes on Pinterest, I may have gotten a little bit confused and sort of morphed a few of the recipes together. So this meal required the initial trip to the grocery store, when I forgot to put the turkey on the list (pretty much the centerpiece of the Hot Brown), a second trip to the grocery store to get the required turkey, and a third trip when I realized we didn’t have mint for the mint julep (kind of important for a mint julep I’m thinking). And there wouldhave been a fourth trip because I didn’t have enough heavy cream, but I was able to find a recipe that used exactly as much cream as I had on hand. The good news is, I had everything I needed for the Derby pie.

Let Go

The Better Me Project—Day 27

April is almost over and my Better Me Project is drawing to a close. During this month, I’ve considered how I project myself to the world, in both mannerisms and what I actually say. I have meditated and learned deep breathing techniques to get my anger under control. I’ve been accepting and understanding and have bent over backward to be aware of others. I have smiled at strangers and gone out of my comfort zone…a lot. And I have to tell you, it’s becoming a bit tiresome. All this “being a better person” nonsense isn’t much fun after all. I’ve got to think before I speak, take deep breaths before getting annoyed, and constantly remind myself to be…well, better. Not to mention the daily blogging is really wearing me down. This has not been as fun as I expected.

What’d I’d really like to do is have some fun. Be lazy. Be selfish. Talk to the dog. Yeah, I said that. Talk to the dog. Basically just let my hair down. I don’t do that enough. I don’t just laugh and go where the mood takes me. I’m doggedly persistent about what needs to be done—laser focused on it. I think if I have learned anything this month, it is the fact that I have to go with the flow more often and stop obsessing about what needs to be done and what I’m not doing. How I’m failing as a mother, wife…person. I need to let go.

Let go? What the heck is that? My brain doesn’t comprehend that concept. I am not, by nature, a person who will just “let go”. To “let go” I need to sit on the couch and binge watch a Netflix show. I should spend the entire day outside reading instead of pulling weeds. I’ve got to go out on a school night and not worry about how tired I’ll be in the morning, not worry about making my lunch and getting up to work out and all that. It’s weird…that all goes against everything that I’ve worked so hard to achieve this month. I have followed all these precepts about thinking before I speak and concentrating on how I am coming across to people and I’m not thinking about how I’m stressing myself out more than I was to begin with.

I’ve spent the last three and a half weeks or so focusing on being conscientious and now at this point I’m realizing that I’m TOO conscientious? I don’t know how to let go no matter what? Even when the point is to be more relaxed? What the heck is THAT about?

Will I ever get it right? Well, in a way, I did—I was able to get somethings right in the past few weeks. I enjoy meditating and I let go of my road rage fairly easily. I feel better smiling more often. Donating makes me feel great, too. Kissing Hubby good-night is sometimes the highlight of my day. The relief I feel staying away from social media (for the most part) is also well worth it. I did get a lot out of this project—more than I realized initially.

Some of the other precepts haven’t been easy, but I’m going to still try. Not beating myself for failing? That’s gonna be one of those long term things. Cutting down on the gossip has been difficult, but I know it’s best in the long run. Trying not to roll my eyes? Yeah, that’s a work in progress for sure. Not complaining? I may end up biting my tongue off from my attempts to curtail my complaints.

When I first started this project, I had nagging doubts about it.I wasn’t sure how successful it would be. After all, I was asking myself to change in many ways, shed a lot of habits and baggage that I’ve carried around with me for years. I wasn’t sure I could do that or I really wanted to do that. Can a person really change? Or are we doomed to be the same people forever? (Which isn’t a bad thing if you’re someone fabulous.) Or maybe, we can’t change, but we can be better. And truthfully, that’s what this whole project was about.

Do I need a whole month to be a better person? Heck yeah—I need a lot more than that. But I am done with this project for this month. It has drained me mentally and emotionally in ways I never expected. Today will be the last “Better Me Project” post.

I realized that I can’t be hyper-focused on a precept every day. It’s too overwhelming and a constant reminder that I’m supposed to be actively doing something, which is the mindset I wanted to get away from to begin with. Did I fail? Not really. There’s no failing in trying your best, even if you don’t accomplish the goal the way you want to. REMEMBER THIS, HEATHER! All I can do is remind myself of the goals that I have set for myself and try to accomplish them the best way I can. Smile. Take deep breaths. Live in the present. Choose kind.

I will have good days and bad days. Every day I can try a little more—I can do better than I did the day before. When I fail, I will pick myself up and promise to do try harder next time. I will let go, relax, and be okay with the person I am today.

Photo Credit

The post Let Go appeared first on Author Heather Balog.

Get Out of My Comfort Zone

The Better Me Project—Day 26

Ah…the precept that I feared the most. Get out of my comfort zone.

That might seem like the easiest of all. How hard is it to do something that’s not something you normally would do, right? Just say, “Oh, I don’t normally do that, but I’m going to make a point to do it today.”

Well, for you, it might be the simplest thing in the world. For the other millions of us that suffer from anxiety and things of that nature, going out of one’s comfort zone can be the most painful and dreaded task they can be asked to perform.

It Seems a Little Dramatic…

I assure you it’s not. Research has indicated that anxiety often arises from people going out of their comfort zone. People who are anxious overthink pretty much everything in their lives. Did I talk too much at that meeting—did I say anything stupid? What time do I need to leave if I want to make the show—what if I miss it? I can’t take the bus to the city—how will I know where to get off? 

While I can’t speak for everyone, for me, that’s why I tend to stick to routines and feel better when I do. For example, if I know how to get to work taking that road, I’ll do that every single time—until the road is closed and I have to make a detour—then I panic.

Same thing with almost everything in my life. I know I like that restaurant and I’m comforted by knowing what to expect when I go there, even though I’d like to try somewhere else. I go to that nail salon because they know me there and even though they’ve been doing a terrible job lately, I’m going to continue to go because that’s where I feel comfortable and not anxious. My anxiety is compounded (or maybe even caused by) my hearing loss, so I have always feared getting out of my comfort zone because I’m terrified that I’ll miss something and it’ll be disastrous. That would be what therapists call “catastrophizing”—basically assuming the worst and making a mountain out of a molehill.

Once Upon a Time

When I was younger, I was a lot less anxious, a lot more daring. I’d go on roller coasters , swim deep in the ocean, and not worry so much about the consequences of my actions. Every little decision I made didn’t include assuming the worst would happen if I didn’t choose correctly. Something happened along the way, though. At some point in time, it changed.

Now every time I decide something, I have a running list in my head of what can possibly go wrong with each choice. It’s stressful and exhausting. The easiest way to avoid it is to stay in my comfort zone. But not any longer. I’m going to stop being comfortable. I’m going to get out of my comfort zone.

So You Want to Stress Yourself Out?

No. Of course not. What I want to do is learn to get out of my comfort zone in small ways, so that when faced with a situation where I really need to get out of my comfort zone in a big way, I know I can do it. If I’ve done it in the past, I’ll be okay with it and not get panicked. Slowly, I’ll be able to do more that I haven’t done in the past. I’ll be able to break these self-imposed rules that I’ve been subconsciously adhering so stringently to. I won’t be stuck in this comfortable little box that I’ve cornered myself in. At least, in theory this should work.

Baby Steps to Get Out of My Comfort Zone

So how do I do this? Baby steps. Listening to music that I normally wouldn’t listen to on the radio—I went to a boy band concert with my daughter…does that count? Picking up books that I normally would pass by without a second glance—all this non-fiction I’ve been reading has to count for something, right? Trying new recipes—wait a minute, I’ve been doing that with our USA tour so…! Driving places I haven’t driven to before—drove down to Ocean City a few weeks ago. Blogging about things I wouldn’t normally blog about—this whole Better Me Project.  Pole dancing class—just add a to that. (Don’t judge—it’s hard exercise!)

What’s Left on This List?

A lot. There’s so much I’m nervous to do, despite the strides I’ve made over the past few weeks (and months). I’ve never eaten in a restaurant by myself. I have never gone to a movie alone. I would really like to join a writer’s group and find my tribe. Despite my few futile searches, I haven’t found a group to volunteer for yet. I want to book a trip for somewhere I’ve never been before and deal with it, regardless of my fear of not knowing where to go and what to do.

I live by a set of rules that I’ve created to reduce my anxiety. There’s so much I’m missing by being anxious. It’s all about comfort and fearing the unknown for me. It’s scary as hell to get out of my comfort zone, but I’m going to keep trying. Baby steps.

Photo Credit

The post Get Out of My Comfort Zone appeared first on Author Heather Balog.

No More Eye Rolling (Stop Judging Others)

The Better Me Project—Day 25

I honestly don’t know how my eyes are still in my head. I, um, roll my eyes…a lot. Eye rolling is a main method of communication with me. When they came out with the eye roll emoji on the iPhone, I nearly cried with joy. I roll my eyes more than a teenage girl forced to be seen at the mall with her mother. My eyes roll at my kids at school when they whine and cry over invisible papercuts (if I can’t see it, it doesn’t need a Band-Aid). I roll my eyes at the people who think their perfect snowflake children are the center of the universe (you should see what your kid does behind your back). My eyes roll at my husband when he’s making one of his famous pie charts or bar graphs (it gets him wayyyyy too excited). I roll my eyes at posts on Facebook (It’s Promposal season, folks). If I’m completely honest, I know I’m rolling my eyes when I’m judging others.

***GASP***

There, I admit it…I’m being all judge-y when I roll my eyes. It’s kind of like, “Oh my God are you for real?” Because by rolling my eyes, I’m telling people Look at that clown! I’m so much better than them. I would never do anything that stupid or corny or ridiculous. 

And if I had to guess, I would say that being judgmental is not the path to being a better person who projects positivity and all that jazz out into the universe. I’m pretty certain that being judgmental is probably one of the most negative things you could do. (Besides kicking a puppy or something.)

Judgmental Attitudes Have A Bad Rap

I’ve heard so many negative sayings about being judgmental—“He who is without sin cast the first stone”, “Don’t judge a book by its cover”, “While you were busy judging others, you left your closet open and a lot of skeletons fell out”. That last one really gets me—it reminds me that no one is perfect, and every one has something they can be judged for. I think people tend to judge other people critically when they’re afraid of being judged themselves.

And why am I judging others to begin with? Sure, the person that I’m rolling my eyes about might not being doing something that I would personally do myself, but who cares? Because honestly—if it’s not hurting anyone, why does it bother me? This person may or may not be screwing up their child, marriage, career, etc., but unless they ask me or it affects me…it’s none of my business, right? Why judge? I mean, I know I wouldn’t like it if I was the one being judged.

And I KNOW People Are Judging Me

Let’s face it, I bet some people are rolling their eyes at my food blogs and my Better Me Project. I’m willing to put money on the fact there are people out there convinced I’m the worst parent in the world because my daughter’s not getting a Sweet Sixteen party and I don’t hold my son at gun-point to write thank you notes for gifts. There are people rolling their eyes at this very blog post. If I think they’re weird, you better believe they think I’m weird. I can’t let the details of their life bother me, just like they can’t let the details of MY life bother them.

Okay, So Now What?

I have to stop being so…judge-y. But of course, it’s hard to turn off that part of your brain. I think it’s only natural to judge what people are doing, good or bad. Are you co-workers doing a good job? Are your friends good at parenting? Is your hubby being lazy? We are constantly looking at other people and comparing ourselves to them, seeing how they rate on our barometer of doing a good job or being a good person (or whatever it is we are judging them on). It must take a lot of time and energy out of our day to do this. I think we instinctively judge and it is a really difficult habit to break. And maybe an impossible one to break.

So Then What Can I Do?

First…the eye rolls. I made a vow on Day 19 to STOP. Yes. I would force my eyeballs to remain in my head the way God intended them to be—facing forward and not rolling around toward the heavens.

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HARD THIS HAS BEEN?!?!?!?

Seriously. I think I have given myself a migraine on several occasions over the last few weeks from trying to halt my eye muscles mid-roll. It’s just that soooooooooo much around me makes me want to sigh and bang my head against the wall. I’ve learned early on in life that rolling my eyes is less painful than banging my head against the wall. And now I’m learning that banging my head against the wall would be a much easier habit to break than eye rolling. Yet, I still keep on trying.

Breaking Up With Facebook

I know that initially it is very difficult to get away from our desire to be constantly bombarded with information and updates from our social media sources. It’s probably worse than not drinking for some people. But I can assure you, breaking up (for the most part) with Facebook has made it sooooo much easier to work on this project. It’s difficult to be judgmental when you don’t have anything to judge.

I’ve still had to keep reminding myself not to be judge-y. I have to remind myself that everyone is different and everyone is on a different journey and yada, yada, yada. I’ve been reminding myself that just because I don’t agree with it, doesn’t mean it’s wrong. (This. Is. So. Hard.)

I’m just taking those deep cleansing breaths whenever I feel the urge to engage in a snarky little eye roll. The meditating has been a huge source of calm for me, believe it or not. It really helps focus me; I’d highly suggest it. I know you think it’s crazy, but…don’t roll your eyes at me.

Photo Credit

The post No More Eye Rolling (Stop Judging Others) appeared first on Author Heather Balog.

Don’t Compare Yourself to Others

The Better Me Project—Day 24

Last day of “Lower Your Expectations”…I swear. Damn, that seemed to go on forever, didn’t it? Anyway, I want to talk about one of the easiest ways I’ve found to lower my expectations—don’t compare yourself to others.

That Green-eyed Monster

Jealousy…yikes. I’m sure we can all attest to a time in our lives when we felt jealous, dating way back to childhood. Your brother got the toy you wanted, your sister got to sleep over your grandmother’s house, maybe both of them were allowed to stay up way past your bedtime. When you got a little older, this didn’t end. Maybe your sister got the car you wanted, your cousin’s hair was nicer than yours, your best friend’s boyfriend was sweeter than yours. Even as adults, the green-eyed monster seems to rear its ugly head, despite the fact that we have much more control over our lives than we did when we were seven and seventeen. We drool over the pool our neighbor is putting in, we feel a stab of longing while scrolling over our friend’s vacation pics on Facebook (another reason to limit our time on social media), we wish we could get a kick-ass book deal like an author friend of ours.

A Little Bit of Jealousy is Good

It’s totally normal to feel this way sometimes and despite the fact you’ve heard otherwise, jealousy can create positive outcomes. * Yup, it’s true. It can help you strive for the goals you want to accomplish by giving you incentive. It can also give you direction and ideas on how to accomplish what you want. If I’m jealous of a friend with a book deal, I need to evaluate what she did to get that deal. Being jealous can actually open doors in this way.

But It’s Bad Too

Jealousy can cause a lot of internal conflict (and external as well) when we start comparing ourselves to others and beating ourselves up because we’re not measuring up. Making comparisons to other people can make us feel crappier about ourselves than we already do.

So this is what I vowed to stop doing when I said I would lower my expectations. I would stop thinking of myself in terms of how I stack up to others and instead I would only compare myself to ME. I will ask myself, “Am I doing better than I was yesterday?” instead of “How am I doing in comparison to her?”. The grass may be greener, but it’s always greener when you water it.

Life is a Journey

We are all in different places in our journey. It’s really not fair or productive of me to compare myself to someone on a different journey. I really don’t know what they’ve been through to get there. For most people, all I am seeing is this point in time. I have no idea how they got to this particular part of their life. And I can’t make assumptions that they’re journey has been easy. People might see me and think that I’ve got everything. They don’t have any idea what I’ve been through to get there.

Caveat: While it might seem productive to compare yourself to others who seem WORSE off than you are (kind of as a motivator, like, oh at least I’m not as bad as so-and-so), that’s not a good idea either. Mostly because of that whole “Everyone is on their own journey” thing. Since you don’t know what is going on in someone else’s life, you really can’t evaluate what they’re doing based on yours.

Obviously, it’s not too easy to do this—and sometimes it is a helpful reminder of what we should be thankful of—but the best thing to do is to be mindful of negative thoughts.

I’m Doing the Best That I Can

So, I guess my whole takeaway from Lower Your Expectations is to examine what I’m doing and realize that I really AM doing the best that I can. I need to STOP beating myself up by comparing my life to the lives of others. I need to STOP expecting myself to be Superwoman—I’ve got to SAY NO, ASK FOR HELP, and DO LESS. And I can’t forget the fact I need to STOP seeing my mistakes as permanent failures. They’re opportunities for growth.

I really AM trying and I need to take everything one day at a time, one step at a time. It’s a journey, right? I am going to sit back and enjoy the ride.

*”5 Reasons Why Jealousy is a Good Thing”, Huff Post (7/1/14)

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The post Don’t Compare Yourself to Others appeared first on Author Heather Balog.