J. Robin Whitley's Blog, page 4
June 17, 2020
It is Past the Time for Whites to Listen. DO SOMETHING NOW!
“To Love Is To Know Is To Act” ~Eknath Eswaran
Whites, it is time to change yourself. Forget other people, look in that mirror, and change yourself. DO SOMETHING NOW. Whites have not been listening until now and now is not the time for learning but the time for action. The challenge comes with how do we change ourselves and the systems around us when we feel so helpless. I suggest to you, a mantra (or mantram).
“The mantram is a short, powerful spiritual formula for the highest power that we can conceive of – whether we call it God, or the ultimate reality, or the Self within. Whatever name we use, with the mantram we are calling up what is best and deepest in ourselves.”
– Eknath Easwaran
In a new meditation group I’ve joined, one of the first things we are asked to do is to choose a mantram. Though I’ve been familiar with the word as mantra or mantram, the way Eswaran talks about it and explains how the mantram works makes more sense to me. Yes, it is a calling back to meditation phrase or word. Most meditation texts state that.
However, the place where Eswaran is clearer is in HOW a mantram works to help us in meditation; how it can be used as a hammer to get through the hard places inside of us. For those unfamiliar with meditation, we who meditate do so in the practice and desire to be better and more loving human beings. Eswaran goes on to say that the mantra “has the capacity to transform consciousness when it is repeated silently in the mind.” My suggestion is that all white people need a mantra like the one below to hammer into our souls.
Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter.
Black Lives Matter. Why is it taking people so long to understand this? I have never understood this AT ALL. It is especially horrific to hear people who say they are of faith speak or support anything that would harm another. People of faith should be adding love, not harm to the world. Black lives matter and are created and loved by the Creator of all!
We white people who see that this is wrong, now race to read everything we can to make a change. I include myself among whites who want to do better and yet somehow have failed our sisters and brothers of color. Why haven’t we changed this before? People of color, black people, have been asking this of us since being forcibly brought to this land. What has taken so long? What IS taking so long? Why has it been so hard for us white people to change? We destroy several nations of Native American people, enslave Africans and then seek to destroy them too. Then, wait, no – it is NOW that there are still people of color being detained at the border (once over 2000 children CHILDREN). As I search for an exact number, one doesn’t come up for today’s date, June 17, 2020. Why?
Then, I remember the article I read in the New Yorker yesterday about Pandemic as Punishment. What the government doesn’t want us to know is that there are five times as many blacks in the criminal justice system as whites. Read the entire article and have your heartbroken. Modern slavery exists. The ACLU summarizes it this way:
Racial Disparities in Incarceration
• In 2014, African Americans constituted 2.3 million, or 34%, of the total 6.8 million correctional population.
• African Americans are incarcerated at more than 5 times the rate of whites.
• The imprisonment rate for African American women is twice that of white women.
• Nationwide, African American children represent 32% of children who are arrested,
42% of children who are detained, and 52% of children whose cases are judicially
waived to criminal court.
• Though African Americans and Hispanics make up approximately 32% of the US
population, they comprised 56% of all incarcerated people in 2015.
• If African Americans and Hispanics were incarcerated at the same rates as whites,
prison and jail populations would decline by almost 40%.
Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter.
As a person of faith, belonging to a community we say is led by a great brown man who was Jewish, what am I doing NOW to make things better? How am I loving more? Am I standing up for what is right by standing against oppression? If so, how can I make a difference living here alone on my mountain of peace?
Writing this article is only a start. Reading books, well, I’ve been reading books on social justice all of my life. Those readings have changed my heart and mind through the years, but society hasn’t changed much at all if the recent murders of innocent blacks show with brutal clarity. I have not watched the video of George Floyd being choked to death. It is devastating to read of such inhumane actions much less to SEE and HEAR such injustice. Get out and vote!
Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter.
Use your white power to vote to stop this horror so that no one lives in fear of being harmed by the very “authority” who was supposed to protect his citizens. A person who murders with such audacity takes away the hope of every person ever born in this country much less anyone seeking to find “asylum” in such a country.
My life has been blessed to know good and kind people. Even so, some of those same Southern people have been racists and perhaps still are. Some of those “good” people died thinking that whites are the superior race. However, as long as we white people do nothing to change our way of thinking, being, and treating other human beings, WE are the lesser race and a blight upon humanity.
Transforming one’s self is hard work, I know. It is hard as I struggle to make simple changes to my diet to be healthy. Systems can be healthy, but we must be willing to make the sacrifices of old patterns and ways of thinking before the system will heal. Violence won’t heal the injustices that are occurring. Voting won’t change a lot with all that has happened in our government, but it is a start at least. VOTE!
Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter.
Many of the human and civil rights that were on record to make our country kinder, safer, and respectful of the environment are currently being reversed by those in office. We must stop this bleeding first. Our country is wounded to the gut and we will bleed to death if we do not somehow stop the government’s dismantling of all of our rights. We must vote. It is more important than ever to exercise your right to vote out those who are dismantling and obstructing true justice.
Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter.
That however is only a part. Transformation requires of us a constant practice. Just as a mantram requires that we repeatedly hammer away at that which keeps us from being a peaceful or decent human being, we must also practice with every breath seeing the person beside us as a sacred life. Say it every time you are afraid. Say it when you see someone that smiles at you. Say it again and again until the practice changes you because once you do, love will embrace all of life.
In the past, my mantra was Love one another. What more says LOVE ONE ANOTHER than this? Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter.
[1] “Passage Meditation.” God Makes the Rivers to Flow: an Anthology of the World’s Sacred Poetry & Prose, by Easwaran Eknath, Nilgiri Press, 2009, pp. 261.
[2] ACLU, A. “Family Separation by the Numbers.” American Civil Liberties Union, American Civil Liberties Union, 2 Oct. 2018, www.aclu.org/issues/immigrants-rights....
[3] Aviv, Rachel. “Punishment by Pandemic.” The New Yorker, 22 June 2020.
[4] Ibid. aclu.org/issues/human-rights/human-rights-and-criminal-justice
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May 26, 2020
Daredevil Bird Flight
There has been a juvenile junco doing daredevil flights from a neighbor’s porch on the second floor. In the two and a half years since living here, many birds have flown into the windows on the porch, but they don’t usually zip in from the east out to the forest in the west. Living on the first floor means that there is a porch above me. A new neighbor on the second floor and also next door, has birdfeeders out. Most of the time, the birds are flocked on their porch and my dog, Birdie, and I have the joy of watching bird antics from our porch. There is one of the young’uns that loves to take a challenge.
The other day, I thought it was a juvenile mockingbird as it dove at my sleeping dog melted in a porch sunbeam. Birdie was as surprised as I was because if there’s sun, we are on the porch in the mornings. The dog looked at me clearly asking what had happened with a “what did I do wrong?” look on her face. She is such a sensitive soul. At the time, I laughed thinking that the young bird couldn’t tell that the dog was harmless even if it had a nest nearby.
Later, I saw several juvenile juncos that had tails similar to the mockingbird. Then, I tried to remember the last time I’ve seen a mockingbird, and it wasn’t on this side of the mountain. Maybe they are up at our elevation, I simply don’t remember seeing them. In my mind, the bird that startled my dog was the same little daredevil that had been zipping through the porch area.
There is a patio umbrella that came with the porch furniture. When the spring begins, I put the umbrella up. When I first moved here, I didn’t understand why since it is rather shady on my porch, but the umbrella is protection for when the visitors above forget that someone lives below. In these past few years, I’ve enjoyed watching the red squirrel and different birds check out the umbrella. Today, the umbrella caused an accident. Well, my movement of the umbrella caused an accident.
This winter was drearier than most even before COVID-19 became the constant news. There have been more rainy days than past winters. The rain even replaced the snow of previous winters. Somehow, snow isn’t as dreary as a constant rain to me. Even the dog, who doesn’t usually mind rain, is tired of rainy days. Some days it’s clear that Birdie thinks I can stop them. I see the plea in her eye to stop them. Needless to say, we both need more sunshine.
[image error] The dog is a pillow thief.
In the past couple of weeks, it has gotten warm enough that if there is no rain, the dog and I can sit on the porch. Birdie has even learned the word, “sunshine”. I can tell, for on the mornings where the sun is out, I call out to the dog hiding in the bed (she usually sleeps until 11:30), that there’s sunshine on the porch and she hops up joyfully to run outside. To the left, there’s a photo before hearing the words, “There’s sunshine on the porch.”
Here’s a photo after I have told her of sunshine on the porch.[image error]
When she gets too hot in her chair, she takes a break by moving to the floor in the sunbeam. If she gets really hot, she might take a break in the shade, or just steal my chair where it’s not so direct a beam.
Sitting in a corner across from the dog, I write of dreams from last night. The wind blows and makes it chillier so I tilt that umbrella away from me to allow the sun to warm my back. Next, I hear a fluttering of wings and look towards the area where the bird often flies through. Birdie heard it too and is looking. Then I see it, a bird on the mesh patio table.
I cry out, “Oh No” and wonder if the bird had slammed into the glass, but it would have been on the porch floor if that was the case. Instead, it was on the table just to the left of my meditation books. I rush to get gloves so that I can gently move the bird from the mesh table to a place where it can fly away if it comes back from being stunned. At least 50% of the birds have survived slamming into the glass.
Birdie is looking for the bird and trying to figure out what is going on. Luckily, I keep gardening gloves just inside the door so that I can grab them before the dog finds the bird. She is an excellent dog, but she has a strong hunter drive. She locates the bird on the underside of the table and I tell her to leave it. I wondered if the bird had tried to light on the table and gotten its foot caught.
Once, while riding bikes with my sister when we were kids, a sparrow was hanging upside down from a barb in a barbed-wire fence. It made us sad so I went to get the bird down to bury it. The sudden flutter of wings startled me because we thought the bird was dead. As soon as I freed its little foot, it flew away. I prayed that this little bird would fly away too.
As I freed this bird’s little feet, its chest heaved. The bird’s feet were not caught. I gently placed the bird at the foot of where I keep a St. Francis. I made sure its little wings wouldn’t get broken if it started suddenly. Then, I stepped away wondering if in just a moment it would take to flight. I could see its little chest still breathing. It tried to move. I was unsure of how to proceed. Lees McRae has a wildlife center, but do they [image error]have anyone there since COVID sent all students home? Then it was clear that the bird’s fate was up to what little I could do because even if they were open, in the past, my bird rescues meant taking the bird to a refuge. Though I have a trike now, I can’t make it more than two miles on the mountain.
I went to the bird and held my hands cupped over the bird’s body. I knew not to touch it with my hands but hoped that at least the warmth of my hands would keep it warm enough until it could come to from being stunned. Then, an adult junco lights on the porch watching me. With her right eye accusing me, I apologize aloud to the adult junco simultaneously figuring it was a mama bird watching her baby learn to fly. Then, all I could think to do was to kneel and pray to G-d, to St. Francis, to help the bird to life. Then I told the bird to be strong by saying, “hang in there little birdy.”
Of course, that confused the dog since the words sounded the same. I told the dog she was a good girl, and then she knew that I was protecting the bird. She sat to my right knee attentively listening to me beg G-d for the bird to live and trying to encourage the bird to keep fighting. Do dogs pray? It sure felt like Birdie was praying with me. Though she may not know what prayer really means, she does know that I do the same thing for her when she is sick. She knew the bird was hurt. The bird then moved and I could tell because its little feet moved. I quickly moved my hand away, hoping it would stand, then fly away. It stretched out its right wing. Then, the dog and I watched as it took its last breath.
I bury the bird at the foot of the fern moss stump. Tomorrow we will offer sunflower seeds to the other birds as a memorial. The mother bird flew to a branch near the porch and I told her I was sorry. Another juvenile, a sister/brother/sibling stopped at the tree too. I said I was sorry to the sibling bird and my heart still grieves hours later.
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April 27, 2020
This is US
Monday Morning Montage COVID-19 Rambling
April 27, 2020
I start writing for the new week, the question arises, “is this us“? Looking for a soundtrack to the week, I listen to NPR until the news has me so angry, I can’t think straight. The Navajo Nation is being hard hit, the African American population, all who live in poverty are dying fast and where are those who profess to follow this ancient leader named, Jesus? I’m not excluding myself from this question either. Right now, the truth is a hard one. The people of color would say that yes, this IS US. What are we going to do about it?
Gillian Welch’s song comes up in my playlist. Though it’s called “Miss Ohio”, these lyrics seem to speak to the apathy we are seeing in our people of faith:
I know all about it, so you don’t have to shout it
I’m gonna straighten it out somehow
Yeah I want to do right but not right now….
My question is not about staying home or working but about caring for people in need and right NOW we have an entire country in need. Yes, people want to get back to work who work, but there are people who have wanted to work all along. There are people who have suffered all along. The world has come and put us ALL on the same level, vulnerable and afraid. The sociologist, Brené Brown, states, “Courage is borne out of vulnerability, not strength.” Yet, being so vulnerable and frightening that we often choose to be reactionary instead of proactionary. In those same times, we often revert to being self-centered so focused on “what’s going to happen to me” that we forget the most important question about the US in the world.
Right now, it is interesting to think that the abbreviation for the United States is US. The abbreviation has always been that way, but with the changes in grammar, removing the periods in abbreviations (from U.S. to US) it clarifies. More than ever before, we are beginning to see the importance of an us and in particular, we can now begin to think of what it means to be UNITED instead of divided. Our country is abbreviated as US and not DS.
There is nothing wrong with being vulnerable or afraid. Right now, we have reason to be afraid because the Corona Virus is not contained within our country at this writing. Our country is being divided right at a time when unity is vital. The line from Welch’s song sings as though she is reciting a litany response to my complaint”
Yeah, you want to do right but not right now.
Though there is an argument about who stated the following quote, we keep using it as an important reminder of what it means to be good people:”All tyranny needs to gain a foothold is for people of good conscience to remain silent.”
This quote speaks to me on several levels. It matters not who said it as much as it speaks an enormous truth. Regardless if one is a person of faith, this calls to each person to stand up against the wrongs that are occurring in our country. However, as a person of faith, it is more important to stand up for those in need. We have a world of need right now and it is hard to discern where to focus. Yes, we are called to care for our personal body as a gift, our family, friends, neighbors. We are all in this together, where does one begin to speak up?
Since the medical professionals right now are the ones who will safe our lives should we be infected with this disease, let’s use part of their Hippocratic oath that basically states, Do No Harm, but more specifically, I WILL NOT PLAY GOD.
What does it mean for me to “DO NO HARM”? Hey, I’m staying inside because my state is still under stay at home orders for quarantine. I’m a home body anyway, right, so this order has actually helped me get through April without any major asthma attacks. I still have three days to got, but this is the first time in over 20 years that I’ve been well from the last week of March to the first week in May.
To think that I am doing right by those around me by staying home is important. However, more must be done. As a disabled person, my ability to march, protest, volunteer is very limited. Especially during COVID when my asthma puts me at high-risk. What does it mean for me to care for my neighbor, the poor, the underprivileged? It means a lot of things really. But my focus today is that I’m standing up to say, THIS IS WRONG! The Way our government has misshandled the response to this pandemic is ultimately wrong. If we continue to support how this is being handled (or rather, not handled), then we are contributing to evil.
I’ve been fighting with myself, praying, researching, praying, reading the scriptures and books from my faith. Now is the time for me to stand up and say something. NOW is the time for us all, people of faith or not, all of US need to stand up and begin to live lives and speak lives of do no harm. This do no harm applies to all of us as human beings, living creatures, our earth, water, sky. Have you seen the article about how the earth is beginning to clean itself now that we have stayed home? That in itself is a tremendous message that WE ARE THE ONES RESPONSIBLE for what is happening in our world.
WE MUST STAND UP NOW to the things that are going wrong in our country. We gain courage by thoughtful prayer, meditation, conversations with the wise who have kept us on a path of good before. Sometimes, especially in times of fear, people are wrong. Compare what the wise preson says to this maxim DO NO HARM.
“Meditation and other spiritual disciplines are largely meant to give us the toughness required to take hold of our lives. Without this toughness, despite the better goals we may cherish in our hearts, we will not be able to take the road that leads where we want to go.” Eknath Easwaran
Because of my faith tradition (and meditation is important in most faith traditions), it is important for me to pray before I speak, act, or make life choices. In the Christian tradition, a question is often asked of followers about choosing now who to follow. The Jesus who is exemplefied in scripture and history is a man who not only lived a life of “do no harm”, that same man sought to heal and reach out to the outcasts of his day. What does it mean for us to follow THAT man?
What does it mean to have the courage to stand up against what is going wrong for you? For me, it means writing, calling, praying, calling, painting, praying, singing (which is also prayer), and being in continuous conversation and meditation with those who lead me on right paths. We must start NOW why? Because our world is in chaos, but also, if not now, tell me when?
_____________________________
NOTES:
Welch, Gillian Howard, and David Rawlings. “Gillian Welch – Look At Miss Ohio Lyrics.” MusiXmatch, 2003, www.musixmatch.com/lyrics/Gillian-Wel....
Brené Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston, where she holds the Huffington Foundation-Brené Brown Endowed Chair at the Graduate College of Social Work. Her books include The Gifts of Imperfection, Braving the Wilderness, and, most recently, Dare to Lead.
Brown, Brené. “Brené Brown – The Courage to Be Vulnerable.” The On Being Project, The On Being Project, 29 Jan. 2015, onbeing.org/programs/brene-brown-the-....
Most often attributed to Edmund Burke openculture.com/2016/03/edmund-burkeon-in-action
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April 20, 2020
Marking the Days and Sometimes, Rage
Raging Corona Virus Diary
April 14, 2020
Normally, my days are marked by church days. On Sundays, it is worship and Adult Christian Education (ACE) when possible. That way, I know if the next day is Monday. I know if it’s Tuesday by its location between church on Sunday and my prayer group on Wednesday. Now, NOW is all there is. “What kind of freedom is it that exists in doing nothing? It is the freedom not to interfere or react. It is the freedom to merely observe.” ~Ananda Baltrunas, “A Prison of Desire”
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Window On Beech and a painting by JRobin Whitley
4/20/20
More days have passed and writing was set aside. Thoughts are more elusive these days. One moment, like above, I have something on my mind to write or draw or sing. The next, I am standing at the door staring out at the trees. Trying to calm myself, find a place to anchor my prayers that is not a place of fear, I bounce from moment to moment. Yes, that place is in our Creator. But also, isn’t it somewhere within the goodness of humanity? Aren’t we called to care for each other and the earth?
“Going on without denying any aspect of the human drama is what strength is all about. We are carved by life into instruments that will release our song, if we can hold each up to the carving.” ~Mark Nepo
Something is being carved away from us with this virus. We have a choice right now whether to pick at the wound of it and end up with scars, or to allow healing to occur more naturally. Yet, as humans, not only are we fearful but we all want to be in control. Though experts on the virus, actual doctors and epidemiologists, tell us to remain in quarantine, there are those protesting the stay at home orders. I understand that they are afraid of their livelihoods. Many have been posting things on a FaceBook page that go along with The Proud Boy message. It’s frightening. The group is a designated hate group.
“Established in the midst of the 2016 presidential election by VICE Media co-founder Gavin McInnes, the Proud Boys are self-described “western chauvinists” who adamantly deny any connection to the racist “alt-right,” insisting they are simply a fraternal group spreading an “anti-political correctness” and “anti-white guilt” agenda.” from Southern Poverty and Law Center
I don’t know how to address this with love. When Obama was elected President, many believed all the nonsense about Obama taking guns away. Some of my family members are taking risks now with their lives that scare me. This morning, I am alternating between writing and catching up on the news that happened in the short time that I slept, a powerful article by John Pavlovitz speaks to me.
“I may be wrong, but I don’t believe whatever or whoever god is, that such devastation and death are part of the plan. The best guess I have right now, is that this season of suffering (like all moments), is the sacred space for we who claim faith to live what we believe: to persevere and to give and to heal—and above all, to love. That love, is the only plan.”
Love as the only plan leads me back to speaking up when I can and it is timely, but otherwise to mind my own business. As the theologian Buechner says, to love is to work for another’s well-being even if it means sometimes leaving them alone. That leaving them alone is really hard for us. I say us, because on one hand, I understand that we are all entitled to our beliefs and points of view. On the other hand, in this time of the unknown, the only thing we DO know for sure is that the only way to stop the pandemic is to STAY HOME. I understand what it means to fear for one’s income. Most of my life, I have struggled financially.
None of us in the U.S. have faced what all are facing with the downfall of our government since 2016. No one in the world has experienced COVID-19, so who knows what is best for anyone really? I was glad to see that Pavlovitz addressed the fact that some think that the pandemic is an act of a god. Only a little insecure god would do such a thing.
Taking a break to do the weekly chore of garbage duty, it is hard to return to writing because of the topic at hand. Karl Barth said that the pastor should read both the Bible and the newspaper. His actual quotes about the importance of keeping up to date on our society is so that we understand what it means to live as a person of faith in any era.
“The Pastor and the Faithful should not deceive themselves into thinking that they are a religious society, which has to do with certain themes; they live in the world. We still need – according to my old formulation – the Bible and the Newspaper.”
“Reading of all forms outspokenly secular literature – the newspaper above all – is urgently recommended for understanding the Epistle to the Romans”
Perhaps the most clear statement on the record from Barth concerning these matters comes from a Time Magazine piece on Barth published on Friday, May 31, 1963:
“[Barth] recalls that 40 years ago he advised young theologians ‘to take your Bible and take your newspaper, and read both. But interpret newspapers from your Bible.’”
The Time article goes on to give us more of Barth’s thoughts on journalists and their place in the world: “Newspapers, he says, are so important that ‘I always pray for the sick, the poor, journalists, authorities of the state and the church – in that order. Journalists form public opinion. They hold terribly important positions. Nevertheless, a theologian should never be formed by the world around him – either East or West. He should make his vocation to show both East and West that they can live without a clash. Where the peace of God is proclaimed, there is peace on earth is implicit. Have we forgotten the Christmas message?’”
These thoughts came out of his experience with the news of his day. Though Barth was a man living at the start of a technological society, the internet was not something the world shared. Now, in addition to newspapers and radio, we have cable news, social media spread across a wide variety of platforms. There is so much “news” that it is not only often hard to discern fact from fiction, but also, how could we read it all and still have time for prayer or scripture reading? The task often overwhelms me and I stick to only three or four reliable sources for understanding what I going on in our modern world.
Trying to check the news of today while also praying, it is hard to finish this essay. I check on the black bean soup I’m cooking. Write a paragraph, then research the news. The news is too overwhelming causing me to stop writing because the angst of the situation begins to choke me. For fifteen minutes, I work on the icon project of St. Julian of Norwich and her holding the words, “All shall be well.” Though it calms me for the time while working on the painting, the question now arises, “when?” When will all things be well again?
That’s the question no one can answer of course, when will life be closer to what we know as normal. At this point, it is clear that our world is being changed through this pandemic. Nothing will be the same whenever we can return to some semblance of life before Covid-19.
The most important implication of the breakneck changes currently underway, though, is that there’s no going back to normality. That train has left the station. The coronavirus isn’t going away. And even when there is a vaccine, the risk will endure, because climate change and the erosion of wildlife habitats will ensure a ready supply of zoonotic viruses. Companies will have learned to build supply chains with resilience built in. White collar workers will have discovered that they don’t have do as much commuting as before. Air travel will go back to being a luxury. And so on.
Though we have no definitive answers on what the world will be like tomorrow, there is an ultimate goal in life for those of us who claim to have faith. That path is one of love. We are called as people of faith to work for each others’ well-being. We are all afraid and some are afraid for different reasons. The thing we must ask ourselves, however, is what does it mean to trust? What does it mean to trust another human working for our well-being? Yes, but more importantly for the person of faith, the question is, what does it mean to trust in G-d in these days of confusion?
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Hate, General. “Proud Boys.” Southern Poverty Law Center, 2020, www.splcenter.org/fighting-hate/extre....
Pavlovitz, John. “No, This Pandemic Isn’t God’s Plan.” John Pavlovitz, 19 Apr. 2020, johnpavlovitz.com/2020/04/19/no-this-....
On the contrary, he [Jesus]is telling us to love our neighbors in the sense of being willing to work for their well-being even if it means sacrificing our own well-being to that end, even if it means sometimes just leaving them alone. from Wishful Thinking by Frederick Buechner
University, Princeton. “FAQs about Karl Barth.” Frequently Asked Questions | Center for Barth Studies, Center for Barth Studies at Princeton Theological Seminary, 2020, barth.ptsem.edu/about-cbs/faq.
Naughton, John. “When Covid-19 Has Done with Us, What Will Be the New Normal?” The Guardian, Guardian News and Media, 18 Apr. 2020, www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/202....
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April 8, 2020
Blessing or Curse? What words touch our suffering during pandemic?
[image error]
Window On Beech and a painting in progress by JRobin Whitley
Holy Tuesday
questions abound
in a world that was
already
one enormous question
mark
my word,
NO ONE knows
a thing about the why or what
of suffering.
© J. Robin Whitley
4/8/2020
Poems in a Time of Quarantine
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March 29, 2020
I Believe
[image error]Copyright © 2020 JRobin Whitley
All Rights Reserved
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March 23, 2020
A Plea for you to stay home. I BEG you.
March 2020 – The Quarantine File
Please, STAY HOME.
I BEG YOU.
This is not a short story, but the start of my writing about the life of being a disabled person in quarantine. At first, I will admit that the quarantine did not bother me. Basically, because of my severe allergies, asthma, and fibromyalgia (which affects the immune system adversely), I was already living life as a hermit. March is the time of year that I’ve started getting sick with asthma for the past fifteen years. I used to be able to make it to Easter or April. Yet, it’s been over twenty years that spring stopped being my favorite season.
Don’t get me wrong. I still love flowers, the sounds of birds, gardening. I love how the world seems to come back to life after the blue-gray of winter. Just as the sap rises in the trees, I can also feel the sap of my own life rise to look towards living and life and being outside. I want to see flowers, the buds of trees, the small sprouts as seeds transform from their shells below the cold earth.
My lungs have had different plans for me. I don’t blame my lungs. It is a precious gift to breathe. I must confess; however, this spring is the first spring that I’ve given thanks for allergies. Though I had allergies all of my life, they have gotten worse as I aged. It’s been over thirty years that I learn that I cannot be outside in April in NC. My friend, Stephen, calls it tree sex. It is in a sense, but it’s also every tree, flower, grass, every blooming living thing that makes me sick. I don’t wish for it to make me sick; it is merely something that my temple of a body deals with.
Why was I glad for the allergies this year? Once I was so sick in 2010, I set up pollen notifications at www.pollen.com so that I would get notifications in my emails as soon as anything began to pollinate. This allowed me the freedom and ability to keep watch and have days outside but also be careful on high pollen count days to stay inside. It has been hard for my loved ones (friends and family included) to understand why I don’t get outside and play on those spring days. Some of my loved ones, those who have seen how bad it is when I can’t breathe, do get it. They don’t pressure me, and they are kind.
The pollen alerts had already risen to a high level of 8 out of 12 a few weeks ago. 2020 has actually started out as a healthy year for me because Resort Area Ministry (R.A.M.) of Boone helped get rid of the carpet in my condo. The dust and mold didn’t help me remain well in the winter before. In the hope of staying well through the spring, I was remaining inside. I didn’t go to church because Easter Lilies were already appearing in flower arrangements. Though I love Easter, I can no longer go to any church that has lilies. With those, it’s not merely the pollen, but the perfume of the flower. For some of us asthmatics, strong smells such as perfume or chemicals trigger asthma attacks.
In short, an asthma attack is like suffocating.
We want to breathe, take a breath, but we can’t because our air passageways have made it impossible. Yes, we can “take a deep breath” but because of what happens, our air passages cannot retain the oxygen. That’s why all asthmatics carry inhalers. Inhalers are medicines that help our lungs calm down (in essence) and be able to process oxygen again. It usually takes 15-30 minutes for albuterol to do its work and it is only used in emergencies. If you see an asthmatic use an inhaler, give them space and quiet. Touching them does not help even though they are afraid. It causes panic to not be able to breathe. I don’t know of any asthmatic who doesn’t have those panic times when an attack as been triggered.
I’m only writing all of this out so that you will hopefully better understand why there are some of us who want you to stay home, in your own town, in your own home. We are already at risk because of health problems beyond our natural ability to control it and so we have to use inhalers. This is the first time since 2010 that I’ve not had to use my nebulizer even to breathe inside my own home. Yes, there are some people who tell me I should never go outside or live in a bubble. But I love nature. I love the outdoors. My body simply can’t handle it naturally anymore.
For those of you who don’t know me. If you pass me while in church, in a store, or while I’m walking my dog, Birdie, you will never know about my physical challenges. Though I limp sometimes, that is not the health challenge that always endangers my life. Asthma that has developed because my body is so allergic to so many things is what endangers my life. In addition to being allergic to airborne particles, I am also allergic to copious foods. When I was younger, the food allergies merely upset my stomach. However, because my physical body has worn down in these 58 years, the reaction now is that some food allergies cause asthma or anaphylactic shock.
This is a plea.
Please stay home.
I am NOT the only person with asthma. I am not the only person with an immune system that is compromised. There are some who have not even gotten this diagnosis yet because it takes a LONG time and a heck of a lot of doctors before such diagnoses are recognized.
Those are the people that YOU WILL KILL if you are not taking this seriously.
No, it may not be me that you will endanger. But what if it’s your parent who is over 60? Do you want to worry about that if this virus kills them?
What if it is your brother, sister, your friend who has an immune system that is compromised and dies because of the carelessness of your decisions? Please listen to the warnings. Stay in your own home, please.
I have lived an excellent life. I want to say to you, my family and friends that should this virus kill me, I have lived a good life. I am 58 going on 59 if I make it to May. In truth, I want to make it until May. Whether I make it and whether your neighbor, the grocery store clerk, the janitor, the truck driver, the CNA/nurse/doctor, etc. makes it is up to YOU.
Whether YOU make it is up to me. Whether I make it is up to me. I don’t want to be responsible for my early death and I would not be able to stand it if I endangered you.
For more information about Primary immunodeficiency disorders, Mayo Clinic can offer more understanding.
______________________
Lists of Immune System Diseases & Disorders
Allergies: Allergies can be defined as an aggravated immune system response to a normally harmless substance. There are myriad allergens such as pollen grains, mold spores, latex rubber, and certain food items like peanuts or drugs like penicillin which can cause allergies. In many cases, there is more than one allergen responsible for inducing an allergic reaction. While allergy symptoms are often a mild consequence, medical intervention is advised to diagnose the underlying problem.
Anaphylaxis: Anaphylaxis is a serious and extreme form of allergies. In this condition, the allergen such as food, medication, or an insect bite, acts as a trigger and causes a series of physical discomforting symptoms in a person. Itchy rashes, a swollen throat, and a drop in blood pressure, are some of the common symptoms of anaphylaxis. Anaphylaxis may lead to an emergency situation if not diagnosed and treated on time.
Asthma: Asthma, a chronic lung disorder, is caused due to an inflammation of the air passage. Allergens, irritants or even stimulants such as physical activity can trigger the inflammation and induce variety of discomforts in a person. The symptoms of asthma include wheezing, coughing, shortness of breath, chest tightness, etc.
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February 25, 2020
Mindful of Justice – Lent 2020
To be mindful means to remember to let go of compulsive reactivity and realize a nonreactive way of life.
~Stephen Batchelor, “The Art of Solitude”
Today is Mardi Gras and I still haven’t decided what my Lenten practice will be. I live alone with my dog so there is plenty of solitude for me. What does it mean to be intentional and mindful when the Lenten season is upon us?
I’ve been working on getting my diet healthier so there’s nothing to give up there. Yet, as I think more about this quote, perhaps the journey in the days to come is to focus on what it means to trust G-d working within my own life.
The practice of meditation is one that requires us to be alone with ourselves. In committing to sit in solitude, regularly and without distractions, we are exploring a new way of being alone—a new way of being intimate with ourselves.
Since last summer, discernment of where G-d is leading has put me on an unusual path. Of course, I’ve never been 58 and nearing 60. No, I won’t skip the 59th year, just saying that part of the journey is one of embracing the beauty of aging.
The best thing I’m learning from the aging path is that there is much beauty in going slower. Sometimes it drives me crazy that I am a tortoise now, but there’s always some glittering gem that shows itself when patience breathes into my soul.
Yet, as the season of Lent begins, questions arise for which I have no answer. In my weariness, can I find a way to make a difference? Can making a difference be as simple as being brave enough to ask the questions and put the questions into the stratosphere for other believers to ponder?
Then, that easily it becomes clear what my Lenten task is. This year for Lent, my focus will be on changing and transforming my own heart into a heart of justice. Justice for the oppressed begins with me. We are all in this mess together. Let’s pray and act in ways that turn the tide towards justice, hope, and love.
‘If we could look into each other’s hearts and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care.’
~ Marvin J. Ashton
Questions I will pray and ponder over as part of my Lenten journey:
Why hasn’t the Episcopal church taken a stand to be a safe haven for immigrants? What is my part in the action or inaction?
I wrote both bishops and no response at all. Yes, 5 bishops of the Episcopal church are making a difference, but what about the rest of us? Bishop Curry does address what can I do here. The bishops are from the border region, but there are others being deported across our country and some of them unfairly.
We have migrants in NC, what does our bishop say?
Last summer, when I still had a car, I was driving home from church and two carloads of brown people (who were small in stature like many Mexican families) were pulled off to the side of the road. The stunned naked child on the hood of the car made it clear they had to pull over for the child. Yet, all I could think of was what if they were running and trying to find a safe place to simply BE?
They pulled over in one of the switchbacks between the church and Spirit Ride Therapeutic Riding Center. It wasn’t a safe place for anything. What do our people, in this community, know about Protecting Immigrant Families? I do understand that I am still learning the communities here. However, there was a huge migrant camp in Cullowhee before the deportations started. One of our church members got deported with her husband. She could have stayed behind I’m sure because her parents were white. However, she was pregnant and also had a toddler. The marriage was new and obviously, it must have been illegal too. I did not pry. Now I find, In Christ There Is No Border and somehow it eases my sense of justice that the institution is making progress in justice issues. What can we do to become a sanctuary congregation? I am willing to begin the talk if that’s what’s needed.
Resolved, That The Episcopal Church recommend that its institutions and congregations become places of welcome, refuge, healing, and other forms of material and pastoral support for those targeted for deportation due to immigration status or some perceived status of difference and that we work alongside our friends, families, and neighbors to ensure the dignity and human rights of all people; and be it further…
I type in a google search for a count of how many Episcopal churches offer sanctuary and at this writing, I’m only finding one and it’s in North Carolina!
I do see that there are LGBT issues that are being addressed a bit. Yet, this government administration seeks to take away what rights we do have. What can I do as a person of faith that will give hope to those who have no hope in rural areas?
Though the Advocate Magazine often talks about issues that are not political here, it also seeks to keep us aware of how the current administrations wishes to take way adoption rights, marriage rights, and also keep us abreast of the hatred spewed by xenophobic attacks. What am I going to do to spread hope?
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February 18, 2020
On Being Beloved by The Rev. Tamara Franks
I’m on the mailing list of some of my favorite churches. Rev. Tamara Franks is one of my favorites. Though it is my hope to respond to Tamara’s message on being beloved is so timely, that I want to share with you now.
Words of Reflection
Beloved-ness by The Rev. Tamara Franks
[image error]Happy Valentine’s Day!
If you are reading this . . . Celebrate!
You are alive — full of breath!
Your mental health is able to read and comprehend!
Your resources include some form of technology AND you know how to use it!
You are invited to continue to know your own belovedness and its powerfulness!
Love is of God. Love is God. God is love. You are God’s beloved.
This “love” word gets thrown around sometimes to the point of losing its meaning and effectiveness. On this day of purposeful intention of all things LOVE, I wonder —
What opens your heart to accept a depth of love that might be transformative?
How would your belief in the ‘belovedness’ and sacredness of “each person and thing” impact both – your circles and your greater community?
Your ministry of love has the power to . . .
Open up a world not yet known to you
Open up lives beyond your own
Open hearts to receive a depth of grace releasing tears of knowing, accepting and belonging
Open eyes to the beauty of creation as a gift offered every moment
Open minds to reimagining theologies that will liberate and redeem
Open hearts to respect “those others” too often demeaned
Open spirits to examine how Love (G-d – Yahweh – Christ) heals
Open avenues to witness strength, courage, and tenacity in places too long weary and victimized
Open a sense of humbleness to the Greatness of the Common Good that can and will overcome current polarizing actions
May this same love hold you in rapt attentiveness.
May a love beyond your imagination wrap itself around you tighter than you’ve ever experienced.
May your belovedness offer itself to one in need – and may it be received fully.
Amen and Amen.
__________________
The Reverend Tamara Franks is the pastor at High Country UCC in Boone, NC.
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February 13, 2020
Joy in the Morning – A Valentine to Myself
“It is a serious thing just to be alive on this fresh morning in this broken world.”
~Mary Oliver
[image error]I rise early on this rainy morning, excited about the book I’m editing, excited about the essay I’m writing. There is joy in the morning. This often happens for me as a morning person. Classical piano music plays as a light rain falls on this Thursday morning. A day before Valentine’s day, I think of a new gentle friend I’ve met and how nice it would be to share a cup of coffee with her in the beautiful morning of classical piano music. Along with thinking of sharing a cup of coffee with a beautiful woman, my mind also considers a question asked by a different beautiful new friend. Here is the scenario she presents:
You meet someone and there is instant attraction. There’s no denying the connection, vibe and energy between you. You go out a few times and things are great. There’s also no denying where this is heading.
You want to be upfront and honest, so you decide to sit down and have one of ‘those conversations’ with her. You say, ‘this is my stuff’… What is it you’re saying to her?
~Audrey Negron
At first, I didn’t know how to answer it AT ALL. During the day, I found myself pondering the question and how I would honestly respond. This morning as I washed dishes, the question turned over in my mind again[image error] and again. I thought of the pain when my ex-wife asked me to leave
because I was disabled, and she couldn’t deal with it. How does one come back from that? Being called “disabled” and having my physical ability limited was not my choice. How does one outline that to a new person especially when we know that aging and its natural course doesn’t necessarily mean everything will be better with time?
Then, my mind hears the piano music again and I remember the letter sent to me complaining about how much time and energy I spent on music; that I performed outside of the house and taught lessons, directed choirs. I’ve been a musician all of my life. At a young age, I
[image error] Me playing guitar.
knew that the life of a professional performer was not the life for me although somewhere in my training, I became a performer. The life of the professional performer required too many sacrifices of self: how one dressed, presented sexuality, no time at all for loved ones. The life of a professional performer was one that would take too much from my soul. As a result, I chose the life of a professional choir director and teacher.
When my ex sent that letter, I could NOT believe it. I asked her why she even got into a relationship with me if she did not want me to share my music? Later she apologized, but those types of things cannot be unsaid. That was an attack on my soul. I say an attack on my soul because I cannot imagine a life without music. So, what would I say to a new person if there was mutual interest? What would I say about that? That my first love was music? And, would that be true?
I ask if that is the truth because I don’t know which came first, my love of G-d or my love of music. In truth, they are somehow tied together for me. As I typed that last sentence, one of my favorite pieces of piano music plays, Debussy’s “Suite bergamasque, L. 75-3 Clair de lune. The pianist is Lang Lang.
My first thought is of my sister. This was a piece she was assigned when we took piano. Then, as the piano piece proceeds, I feel the flowing of our Carolina streams and see sunlight dappling the water. It causes worship to rise in my heart. Not worship of my sister or the pianist or the composer, but whatever entity brings that music into being, I want to know THAT ONE! That being who causes poetry, music, and sisters to be formed, I want to know and give thanks to that ONE.
[image error] Morning at Church of the Holy Cross, Valle Crucis, NC.
Therefore, my next confession is that I am religious. I tried on the “spiritual but not religious” cloak and it was well, weird. I felt like I was wearing someone else’s shoes and not my own hiking books. The truth is that I’m both spiritual AND religious. Each day is a day of searching for what it means to live an artistic and sacred life. Many cannot deal with that and I understand. At this point in life, I know I also cannot compromise that part of me any more than I can compromise being a musician or lesbian. There are some things you just know are TRUE about your life.
Those truths may or may not work for another. This is the beauty of life, self-discovery. You be free to be you and I can be free to be me. Alexis Ffrench plays “Bluebird” as I type about the freedom to be.
I’m not one to be caged. When you meet me, the first thing that usually starts is short jokes. LOL, I’m okay with that. Sometimes though, people think that because my physical being is small that they can put me in a box, but my soul will not be contained. Don’t expect me to be anything other than who I am.
In truth, I’m a poet, peacemaker, healer, but when someone puts me in a box, I will fight, and I can fight because I come from a family of warriors. I’ve also discovered and must admit that I may suffer fools a bit in public, but not for long. At 58, I admit being tired of the nonsense. My goal is to be a peaceful warrior, but my choice would be not to fight at all. If I had my way, each day would be spent with art, music, poetry, children, and friends. Yet, politics happen, hunger is daily, and dishes must be washed. The mundane can be beautiful too when those in charge are not power-hungry.
Though this essay is about responding to my new friend’s question, it is also a Valentine of some sort. I’m unsure what type of Valentine because the day itself has never been a good one for me. Yet, I want to love a special someone again I suppose. No, I know I do, because I love to love and care for another. Time and again the lesson that I keep learning is that first, I must learn to send a Valentine to myself. That is the hardest thing of all. We all must learn to love and accept our own flaws before we can truly love another. As I ponder Audrey’s question, I know the task is essential. Especially now, when all I know for sure is that I can offer is love, a song, kindness, and joy in the morning.
from “A Wave” by John Ashbery
…
When the Sun Went Down
To have been loved once by someone—surely
There is a permanent good in that,
Even if we don’t know all the circumstances
Or it happened too long ago to make any difference.
Like almost too much sunlight or an abundance of sweet-
sticky,
caramelized things—who can tell you it’s wrong?
which of the others on your team could darken the passive
Melody that runs on, that has been running since the world
began?
Yet, to be strapped to one‘s mindset, which seems
As enormous as a plain. to have to be told
That its horizons are comically confining,
And all the sorrow wells from there, like the slanting
Plume of a waterspout: doesn’t it supplant knowledge
at the different forms of love, reducing them
To a white indifferent prism, a roofless love standing open
To the elements? And some see in this a paradigm of how it
rises
slowly to the indifferent heavens, all that pale glamour?
…
French Translation by Michael T. Bee
… de “A Wave” de John Ashbery c’est une chronique de haibun. de nombreuses émotions complexes à la fois
comme l’adolescence ou tomber amoureux
…
Quand le soleil s’est couché
Avoir été aimé une fois par une femme – sûrement
Il y a un bien permanent là-dedans,
Même si nous ne connaissons pas toutes les circonstances
Ou c’est arrivé il y a trop longtemps pour faire la différence.
Comme presque trop de soleil ou une abondance de sucreries
gluant,
des choses caramélisées – qui peut vous dire que c’est faux?
lequel des autres membres de votre équipe pourrait assombrir le passif
Une mélodie qui continue, qui court depuis le monde
a commencé?
Pourtant, pour être attaché à son état d’esprit, ce qui semble
Aussi énorme qu’une plaine. devoir être dit
Que ses horizons se bornent comiquement,
Et tout le chagrin jaillit de là, comme l’inclinaison
Panache d’une trombe: ne supplante-t-elle pas la connaissance
aux différentes formes d’amour, en les réduisant
À un prisme blanc et indifférent, un amour inexorable debout
Aux éléments? Et certains voient en cela un paradigme de la façon dont il
monte
lentement vers les cieux indifférents, tout ce pâle glamour?
Beautiful Piano Music for your soul (playing this morning)
At Last (Solo Piano Version) Alexis Ffrench
Underwater Dream Eluvium
Keyboard Concerto in F minor, BWV 1056: Harpsichord Concerto in F minor, BWV 1056: Largo Hae Won Chang & Johann Sebastian Bach
Chopin: Nocturne No.2 In E Flat, Op.9 No.2 Daniel Barenboim & Frédéric Chopin
Olivia Belli – Max Richter: Departure (Lullaby from “The Leftovers”)
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