J. Robin Whitley's Blog, page 3
December 2, 2020
A Foggy Monday in Advent 2020 – Hope
Monday morning is foggy; the fog so thick, the mountains on the horizon have disappeared from view. Advent is the liturgical season that started yesterday in the Christian tradition. The period starts on a Sunday and then leads up to December 25. Advent is seen as a time of waiting and originally was as penitent as Lent.
On the first Sunday of Advent, I listened all morning to different worship services from different people I love. Some were churches where I was a member in the past. Then, my current church Holy Cross. Then, I found as many of my church music friends that I could and listened to their anthems or preludes. They all had wonderful messages that spoke to me of the first word of Advent for this week, hope.
[image error]Hope is certainly something we need during a global pandemic. Yet, every time that I think of the word, “hope” I want to always be reminded that the word is not a Bandaid for healing. That like love, the word is much deeper than some platitude. Nikki Stern, in her book Little Doses of Hope, pointed out that need beautifully. Though I read the book many years ago, her message central message of hope shines through and reminds me:
“Whether we’re the largest, smallest, most or least significant thing in the universe makes for a marvelous late-night discussion. It’s not relevant to how we live in the here and now. We need to look around, take measure of ourselves, and decide what we can do and how much of it we do to improve our lives and the lives of as many others as we can reach.”
~Nikki Stern, Hope In Small Doses
On Mondays, I take a long trip to the allergist to get shots. Leaving in the drizzly, foggy day, my only hope at that time was for the next day to really be a snowy day. We haven’t had snow here yet and we usually get some snow on Halloween or thereabout. As I walked into the drizzle, I noticed that mixed in with the mist and drizzle were the tiniest of flakes, more like dust motes. My heart thrilled with joy. Snow always makes me and the dog joyous.
On the long ride, I am free to marvel at the wonders of nature and yet, I wonder what HOPE means to us as we face a world forever changed by the pandemic? I ride in the AppalCart SUV, our local transportation service, masked. A plastic shower curtainesque sheet between me and the driver. What does hope mean in such a world where we cannot touch one another and in such intimate settings as a vehicle, have to be careful even in talking? Where is hope then?
On the way home, I think of how much of a blessing it has been to be able to hear our worship service in my home. Wonder if perhaps this year, after so many years of grieving, I could hope in a holiday again such as Christmas. Yet, what is the holiday if I cannot visit my home congregation and share in the joyous music and the wonder, the beauty of the season? I get on to social media to look for friends & family, and to see how they are doing. Then, a dear friend posts a lovely photo of her home as she watched HER church on the first Sunday of Advent. I asked her permission to show you the view.
[image error] ©2020 Anne H. Lafferty, Used with permission.
In truth, my friend loves pink and me, not at all. Yet, knowing that pink is also part of the Advent colors, I thought her picture a perfect example of how hope can be in our homes still as we stay at home to protect and love our neighbors.
The snow that started on Monday blossomed into a full snowstorm yesterday. My day was spent painting and keeping a fire going to knock
From Lutheran Book of Worship.
off the chill. Awakening to a beautiful sunny day, the chill remains but hope shines into my heart. I think about my friends, write to my sister and cousin, remember a wonderful hymn taught to me by my mother that talks of the Wideness of God’s Mercy. My heart is rejoicing.
The world is not perfect. As long as humans are in this world, nothing is perfect. We will and do make mistakes, and yet, it is a wonderful world. The thing we must remember as people of faith is that everything we are and everything we do is about love. This worship, faith, celebration, and tradition is about the love of G-d for humanity and the response we have in gratitude. As I prayed for a way to summarize what was in my heart, an email with this prayer was in my list of things to do for today. A perfect way to end a reflection, poetry! The Christian tradition likes to focus decorations on angels during the holiday too. Remember though, more often than not, G-d touches us through angels such as you…the ones with human hands and human hearts. Hope is here and it is in you.
Touched by an Angel
by Maya Angelou (b. 1928)
We, unaccustomed to courage
exiles from delight
live coiled in shells of loneliness
until love leaves its high holy temple
and comes into our sight
to liberate us into life.
Love arrives
and in its train come ecstasies
old memories of pleasure
ancient histories of pain.
Yet if we are bold,
love strikes away the chains of fear
from our souls.
We are weaned from our timidity
In the flush of love’s light
we dare be brave
And suddenly we see
that love costs all we are
and will ever be.
Yet it is only love
which sets us free.*
__________
*https://www.journeywithjesus.net/poem...” Selected by Dan Clendenin. Posted 30 August 2015.
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November 23, 2020
Hot or Cold?
This morning starts out cold and gray. Only last night, I had to open the window to the bedroom so that it would be cool enough to sleep. Saturday, it was a gorgeous day, and the dog and I could go outside and warm in the sunshine. I had on short sleeves most of the day. The change in weather from hot to cold makes things tricky here.
In previous years, it would have snowed by now. My first winter in 2017[image error], the weather looked like this. The three white strips on the mountain are ski slopes. Beech Mountain is a ski resort town after all. I miss the snow and am ready for it to fall again. Birdie loves the snow too. One of the mountain neighbors has posted that the sledding hill is open for the children. I’ve yet to read if there are any safety precautions in place since COVID is still tearing through our lives.
Choosing a title for a blog post is always challenging for me. Why? Because I start with an idea or a picture and then, by the time the writing is completed, the post is something totally different. Needless to say, I have several essays saved and on hold that I had hoped to submit to magazines to meet deadlines with specific topics. Stream of consciousness is more how I write than I like to admit.
Though 2020 has been a hard year for us all and world politics has left
[image error] Birdie and her dragon photobomb my picture of a saint.
me cold for the most part (or hot with anger), the muses have been bombarding me with ideas. Ideas of paintings, writings, music, and more paintings. In between these other explorations in creativity, I read and write. The dog demands that I also remember to play. She has had a harder time with the quarantine. Birdie misses all of her human friends. I have the same friends that I miss too, but at least I can type and talk on the phone. During zoom meetings or conversations, she gets excited when she hears a voice she recognizes. At first, she ran to the door to see if the friends were on the porch. Now, she knows they may not be there, but she watches the door just in case. Friends and family are always welcome here…with a mask of course.
This is not a complaint about how busy the muses have been at inspiring me. At times in my life, it seemed they had abandoned me. In looking at a Renaissance painting of the seven muses, I pondered how I would paint them. So far, my sketches reveal that my muses have not
[image error] Doodling about muses.
revealed themselves as anthropomorphic in any way. Though, even in great paintings, nature is always a part of the inspiration for artists throughout time. I’m trying to do better about keeping sketches in my sketchbook. The dog is not impressed. When I sit down, all my attention should go to the dog.
Still, the muses are keeping me busy. The best thing about the painting process for me is that it keeps my mind off that which I cannot control. Of course, in 2020, that means everything. Though I am not trained as a painter, it expresses something deep within me, something unexpressed by words or music. These are paintings I’m playing with. Though the world is running cold with anger and distrust, I give myself to the warmth of creative love. May creativity flow into the cold places for you too.
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October 26, 2020
Ungreat
Ungreat
I am
not great
never aspired to be
greater than others…
only wanted
to be
better than I
am.
©J.Robin Whitley 10/26/2020
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October 13, 2020
Love Letter to the World – Compassion
Love Letter to the World – Compassion
This past Sunday, I posted a collection of other friends’ thoughts on the meaning of compassion. Originally, the idea was to write an essay on the topic of compassion. However, when I read responses from friends, it’s clearer than ever that the word “compassion” is more than a word, topic, or idea. Compassion is a way of being; a way of living in the world.
What can I add more to the beauty of the words that my friends shared from the depths of their hearts? Compassion is first and foremost a motivator from the heart, the seat of emotion. What if you are more of a head person than a heart person? The ancients believed that wisdom lay in the place of the head AND heart.
For the ancients, wisdom was a gem to be sought out above all else. That meant that the heart people needed to also think, but that the mind people needed to also listen to the heart. Where do we find wisdom? How can we learn to trust?
In a pause from writing the letter, I check my email. One of the emails talks about “The Jewish Happiness Prayer.”
“The Jewish happiness prayer, as we will see below, promotes flourishing. It is the happiness experienced through a life of meaning and purpose… The prayer contains ten actions in total, which I have translated as follows:
These are the deeds with infinite benefits.
A person enjoys their fruit in this world,
and in the world to come. Guide me in embracing these sacred practices:
Honor those who gave me life
Practice kindness
Learn Constantly
Invite others into my home
Be there when others need me
Celebrate life’s sacred moments
Support others during times of loss
Pray with intention
Forgive those who hurt me and seek forgiveness where I have others
Commit to constant growth.
This is what I was trying to say. The prayer interpretation is a simple way of looking at the good we CAN do now. These are things each one of us can do when in quarantine or while wondering about elections. There are bad things in this world yes. But there IS beauty, kindness, goodness and you have it in your hands to spread that message and that power.
_________________________
https://www.myjewishlearning.com/arti...
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October 11, 2020
Compassion as a Way of Life
As a person of faith, I am constantly asking myself what does it mean to live a life of compassion? This time, I decided to also talk to my friends about it as well as researching various words. As you read over our conversations, what would our world be like if we all began having THIS conversation with each other rather than focusing on our differences? This is not a blog with answers, but it is at least a place to start.
“Use compassion, not anger, to motivate you to protect yourself, and [have] compassion toward the person who’s giving you the trouble. Compassion rather than hate is what helps.” ~Gelek Rinpoche, “What to Do When the Anger Gets Hot”
I wanted to write about Compassion because in this crazy year, it seems that our world is missing some important elements that make life tolerable. Part of my meditative practice is to focus on compassion and mercy. In order to start a conversation, I put the question out to my friends on social media,
“What is compassion to you?”
Because our world is in pain, all of us are in need of compassion. My hope is that if you read this blog, you begin to think about what compassion means to you. Then, we must begin to talk about how to put our understanding into action for our neighbors, friends, families, enemies, and even ourselves. Here are the messages that these dear people share about what compassion means:
“To me, it’s emotionally informed intelligence of the fact that people really are doing the best they can. For example, if someone is failing miserably and destructively in a powerful position (choose a name), the compassionate thing would be to remove that person from the position before more damage is done.” ~Karen Novak
“…being able to recognize that someone is in “their own” bubble of a life that may be entirely different than what I perceive it to be . . . don’t make assumptions.” ~Sharyl Rivard-Guilmette
“Well, first off, it’s a verb… Just like Love…. Compassion is best defined by an action, no matter how small, that lets others know you care. That even when you can’t “know” how they feel, you can acknowledge that they, and their struggle, matter. That you exude nonjudgmental vibes.” ~Susan Stiles Parsons
Darby LoganLoving the hardest people to love.
Joy Robin Whitley Not being picky but trying to clarify okay? What do you mean when you say “love”? Everyone practices that word in different ways.
Darby Logan Yes, they do. Most people at some point in their lives will encounter a person(s) that is the exact opposite of giving, nurturing, compassionate, agreeable or accepting of anything other than their own agendas. It’s easy to just dismiss them as that, unlovable. Instead of understanding or trying to understand how they could have become the way they are or are choosing to be. This doesn’t mean a disregard of self. It defines a level of acceptance and understanding that creates compassion. It is a gift that requires practice.
Joy Robin Whitley yes. I love Frederick Buechner’s description as love means working for one’s wellbeing.
Here’s the long and beautiful version. https://www.frederickbuechner.com/quote-of…/2016/6/29/love
“Compassion, to me, is a God gift. I believe he allows some the gift of song, some the gift of leadership, etc. But to everyone willing to accept it, he gives the ability to catalog one’s own life experiences to offer their best response to another’s unspoken cry for help.” ~Susan Beckham
“Compassion is being aware of the interconnectedness of life. It’s realizing that we are each other.” ~Robert Lovejoy
“Compassion is caring about and trying to understand and sympathize with the situation of another person.” ~Kay Clontz Starnes
“Finding a Polyphemus Giant Silk moth caterpillar, googling to find out what it is and what its needs are, and setting it up in a safe place with a pile of dead leaves that it immediately crawled into so it could cocoon for the winter.” ~Phyllis Zickmund
[image error] ©2020 Photo by Phyllis Zickmund. Used with Permission.
“Deep understanding of walking a mile in the shoes of another. El Que qiere entender como tener compasion tiene que en verdad caminar una milla en Los Zapatos de su priximo.” ~Ceasar Martinez
“Understanding or showing concern for others.” ~Stephanie Barber
“Caring that someone else is hurting.” ~Karen Hunter Miller
_____________________________
What is Compassion? From a linguistic point of view.
compassion (n.)
“feeling of sorrow or deep tenderness for one who is suffering or experiencing misfortune,” mid-14c., compassioun, literally “a suffering with another,” from Old French compassion “sympathy, pity” (12c.), from Late Latin compassionem (nominative compassio) “sympathy,” noun of state from past participle stem of compati “to feel pity,” from com “with, together” (see com-) + pati “to suffer” (see passion).
Latin compassio is an ecclesiastical loan-translation of Greek sympatheia (see sympathy). Sometimes in Middle English it meant a literal sharing of affliction or suffering with another. An Old English loan-translation of compassion was efenðrowung.
σπλαγχνίζομαι splanchnízomai, splangkh-nid’-zom-ahee; middle voice from G4698; to have the bowels yearn, i.e. (figuratively) feel sympathy, to pity: —have compassion…
to be moved as to one’s bowels, hence, to be moved with compassion, have compassion (for the bowels were thought to be the seat of love and pity)
https://www.billmounce.com/search/nod...
https://www.etymonline.com/word/compa...
https://www.billmounce.com/greek-dict...
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September 23, 2020
Abortion and Me?
Abortion and Me
by JRobin Whitley, September 23, 2020
Starting this writing with a title such as “Abortion and Me” won’t make sense at first. At least, not at the beginning as I confess that I’ve never had an abortion. Then, the quote I add first may also be a bit confusing because it is not a quote about abortion, but about loving-kindness.
“Once we’ve awakened loving-kindness, and so long as we maintain it, says Buddhist teacher Tulku Thondup Rinpoche, “We will spontaneously give rise to positive words and deeds that promote peace and joy in our family, neighborhood, community, and indeed the whole world—directly or indirectly, at a visible or invisible level.”
From “Widening the Circle of Love”
~Part 3 in the new Lion’s Roar guide, Live With More Love
Writing about abortion is difficult. Not because of my beliefs, but because people want easy answers out of life. As most of us know, life is more complicated than we could ever guess when we were children. I’m going to start with the first time someone told me about her abortion.
The person who confided in me that she had an abortion was sixteen (16). That teenage girl was an acquaintance, someone I knew because we went to the same high school together. Who knows why she decided to tell me of all people? We weren’t close, and we didn’t confide in one another. She was a year older than I and we had no classes together. None. Also, I was known for being a religious teen, to the point where I know some of the wilder teens thought I was a goody-two-shoes. Maybe I was. I was certainly naïve.
For whatever reason, that young girl decided to confess her secret to me. The secret was that her parents forced her to have an abortion. I must have looked stunned when she told me in the living room of our house. It wasn’t something she confessed over the phone. I wasn’t a phone talker and I didn’t drive. She trusted me and I don’t know why. The why of it all is not important. What is important in this writing is to discuss why I vote for a woman’s right to decide what happens to her body.
Why did the parents force her to get an abortion? The answer was simple. This person was a preacher’s daughter, a Southern Baptist Preacher’s daughter. The teenager wanted to keep the baby. This was a teenager who did not aspire to college or any type of higher education. In truth, I didn’t know her well enough to know if she aspired to be anything except loved. All I could do was listen. I’m sure I said I would pray for her. All these years, I never told my parents, my sister, nor anyone else from where I grew up. Small towns gossip. Heck, large towns gossip I learned later in life. I didn’t want to spread word. In truth, the only reason I write this here is that I doubt anyone I knew growing up will read this.
The truth is that the only reason I’m writing this now is because of a question a former church member posed to me when I posted that I was supporting the Biden/Harris ticket for the election. The irony of it all is that most of my life I have been and will continue to be a bi-partisan voter. I vote for the person based upon how a person responds and acts. The article I posted as an example of WHY I was voting for this particular party was the best summary I’ve read in all of the political propaganda, news, reporting, or other folderol.
Pastor Nadia Bolz-Weber is a Lutheran pastor and I read her books and listen to her talks when I can. Besides her being Lutheran, one of the things I love about this woman pastor is her courage to speak the hard things that I am often too Southern or too afraid to say. Here is the section of her talk that I most agree with and that best summarizes why I vote the way I do:
“Why, as a woman of faith, I am supporting the Biden/Harris ticket
(there are many more reasons – these are just a few)In the Hebrew Bible, God’s people were judged according to how they treated certain groups of people whose interests they were commanded to protect: not stockholders and property owners and the 1%, but the foreigner, widows and orphans.
So, as a woman of faith,
I must support a ticket that protects the weak, not mocks them.
I must support a ticket that protects the refugee, not incarcerates them.
I must support a ticket that protects women, not separates them from their babies at the border.
As a woman of faith, I… want this country led by people who know that God is God and they are not. That know that God’s strength is perfected, not in our boasting, but in our weakness.
The things that Bolz-Weber writes is what I’ve always tried to use as a guideline when it comes to voting. I could easily erase the names of the politicians. The article for me is about who I see that best represents my faith out of all the people who are running for office. You must also know that I am not a political junkie, so I don’t know all there is to know about all the politicians. Mostly, I can say I know too much about all of them. Yet, bad things keep popping up about politicians’ ability to tell the truth. In the absence of truth, then, how can we as people of faith vote with integrity?
I posted the above article because it was the best guide I had read since the election process begun this year. Then on Saturday, our beloved Ruther Bader Ginsburg died. My post came about because I was upset to hear that Ginsburg hadn’t even been dead 24 hours, and the senate majority began immediately to talk about replacing her. They did not give this woman the dignity of even allowing the country to get accustomed to the idea that she was gone before they started posturing and reversing their opinions. My post was not about abortion at all.
My post came about because somehow, I want to dissent about the path our country has taken under the current administration. The rage, the brutal racism, the xenophobia (on both sides), the fear, all these darker emotions have been stirred hot, hard, and fast on top of a country reeling from a pandemic. Where is the love? Where is the “Christianity” so many like to say our country was “founded on” (even though the majority of the first constitutional congress was Deist)?
I posted the article not so much to try and change another’s mind as to simply take a stand about who “might” best represent me. The “might” is added because all these people are politicians and I can’t say I trust any politician right now. I admit to distrusting those in leadership because they are not taking action to protect our environment and our own people. The first negative response I got on my Facebook was, “what about all those aborted babies?” I immediately responded with “what about all those children in cages?”
“6 If any of you put a stumbling block before one of these little ones who believe in me, it would be better for you if a great millstone were fastened around your neck and you were drowned in the depth of the sea. 7 Woe to the world because of stumbling blocks! Occasions for stumbling are bound to come, but woe to the one by whom the stumbling block comes!” ~Matthew 18:6-7 NRSV
Afterward, that person who asked the question unfriended me before I could properly discuss (in private) that process we all go through of weighing all the issues before. As many of my other friends posted, we are not voting on a sole issue. Each of us, as decent people (whether we are religious or not), have to make decisions over two people who will best represent the rights of all people in the United States as well and lead us in this global economy and a world that is in turmoil. There is more than one issue at stake here. For me, this article is not about abortion at all. The issue is how do we stop dividing our country into factions willing to kill each other?
Our Presiding Bishop Michael Curry on the same weekend posted about the need to talk about what is precedent for those of us wishing to be as faithful as possible to both our baptism vows and our calling as people of G-d or as those who say we follow the example of Jesus of Nazareth. During his exhortation, he also mentions links where each of us can participate in workshops, prayer over our decisions, and think about what it means to restore civil discourse with each other. I’ve added those links at the bottom of the page.
In the workshop he states:
The goal of these conversations is to be in deeper relationship and to more truly know each other’s dignity and worth. We strive for this deeper relationship so that when we go out to do our own advocacy, activism, and community engagement, we are better informed about who the “other” is without dehumanizing or demonizing them.
The Bishop then goes on to say,
“[L]ove the neighbor you like and love the neighbor you don’t like. Love the neighbor you agree with and the neighbor you don’t agree with. Love your Democrat neighbor, your Republican neighbor. Your black neighbor and your white neighbor, your Anglo neighbor, your Latino, your LGBTQ neighbor. Love your neighbor. That’s why we’re here.”
It may seem at this point that I’ve lost the entire point of this essay. Except for this, life is not so simple, and neither is it black or white, my side or your side. Most of the time, life is various shades of grey, or as our pastoral care professor said, “Life is both/and”. Life is both sacred and profane. Going through all of this is as close to a summary as I’m going to get from 45 years of hearing stories of women who want children and can’t have them but also hearing the tragedies they told me of the abortion that they wished hadn’t had to happen. The women who told me those stories didn’t want answers or approval. They certainly did not need another religious person telling them how awful they were. They merely trusted that I would listen to them and hear the pain in their stories.
Because of the painful stories I’ve heard from other women, women who had to make that hard decision due to poverty, health concerns, pressure from family members, I have long been on the side of the woman. Because every one of those women would tell me how old their child would have been, and the grief they carried all those years, I will never say that abortion is a good thing. I will however always defend a woman’s right to do with her body as she pleases. I am not G-d. There is no way I could judge nor do I want to be such a judge. If you had heard these women’s stories, your heart would break just like mine still breaks for them all these years later. Mercy is what is needed.
Can we listen to each other’s pain for a bit? Can we sit and listen with loving-kindness and just be human together? I know that listening not going to solve anything right now. Life has taught us all that no matter what we wish for, or pray for, or dream of one day, all of it takes hard work. The thing is, we aren’t alone. And if you and I can begin to be civil to one another again, we can work to make things better together. Who knows, we might realize that we have a lot more in common than we ever imagined.
_____________________________
New Revised Standard Version (NRSV) New Revised Standard Version Bible, copyright © 1989 the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
https://www.churchnext.tv/library/mak...
_________________________________
Make Me an Instrument of Peace: A Guide to Civil Discourse
Responding to Racial Violence as the People of God
With Malice Toward None
“With malice toward none, with charity for all…” – Abraham Lincoln, Second Inaugural Address, March 4, 1865
The Pledge
“Regardless of how the election turns out, I will not hold hate, disdain, or ridicule for those who voted differently from me. Whether I am pleased or upset about the outcome, I will seek to understand the concerns and aspirations of those who voted differently and will look for opportunities to work with people with whom I disagree.”
CLICK HERE TO SIGN THE PLEDGE.
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September 15, 2020
The Path of Loving-Kindness
The Path of Loving-Kindness
September 15, 2020
“Ultimately, loving-kindness is an equalizer and an antidote to hatred and aversion.”
– JoAnna Hardy
The morning is rainy again. Though we need sun on this mountain, I think of the wildfires raging on the West Coast and seek not to complain. I do pray that some of this rain goes to them even if we are in different airstreams. This morning I had tears leaking out my eyes as I looked at friends’ posts of escaping wildfires or hurricanes. Though I keep everyone (animals too) in my prayers for their homes and the safety of them and their loved ones, it is hard to feel so helpless as they suffer. Perhaps that is part of what loving-kindness is though, suffering WITH another so that no one is alone. It still feels helpless. Right now, life feels pretty helpless for most of the world I suppose as all people continue to fight COVID on top of life’s “normal” struggles.
Fortune and misfortune, good and bad—not everything is how it looks to your eyes. It’s not how you think it is either. We’ve got to go beyond fortune and misfortune, good and bad.
~Kodo Sawaki Roshi, “To You”
My prayers, well, how does a human pray fully in times like these? When I say fully, I mean thinking about the tragedies that we face in life and what a person might actually need. Sometimes that’s easy to see because we have been through a similar life event…though “easy” might not be how the prayer need feels. Sometimes, prayers are seen only as empty words spoken by a sincere or insincere heart. Yet, when we understand prayer in its truest form, prayer moves us to action. Yes, the prayer may start with words, but in order for it to be a prayer of the heart, one must also listen. Then, after listening, move forward.
Sometimes it seems we are listening to a silent god. In times of great tragedy or trauma, that silence may cause us to feel or think there is no god at all, no one listening. Then there are days when answers to prayers occur before you even find ways to articulate the fear, pain, or concern. Those are the times we wait for in prayer. Though we could be ideally more patient in our waiting, as modern humans, waiting is harder and harder in life. The waiting for a vaccine of COVID is our waiting now. Meanwhile, the world’s tragedies cause us anxiety and fear making the waiting even more difficult.
While making a new friend, I am sad to say that I let my fear of being scammed motivate my responses twice more than I wish. In my life, my work, my art, music, writing, my goal is always to find ways to spread loving-kindness. Although I have my faults as a human, those weaknesses are not to be embraced as an excuse for bad behavior. I talk to life-long, trusted friends seeking to analyze and modify my trust of the unknown.
As I cried over my friends’ pains and fears, an email from a Buddhist magazine I follow came with this message:
Be a Force for Kindness, Mindfulness, and Positive Change
Compassion. Friendliness. Kindness. Love. These four virtues are the keys to a good life. It doesn’t matter who we are or where we’re from, or what religion we do (or don’t) practice. An open heart is universally understood to be a good, and powerful thing. (And couldn’t our world use more of that goodness and power right now?)Buddhism offers us many methods for empowering ourselves to cultivate our open-heartedness. The Buddhist approach to living with more kindness and love is very proactive and very simple:
If our “kindness muscles” are underused or undeveloped, the solution is to use them more.
So, there are Buddhist teachings and meditation that can help us do that—regardless of what we believe in or where we are in our lives. By practicing them, we can do something about our all-too-common feelings of isolation and disconnection from one another, and from ourselves. We begin to see how closed hearts and closed minds go together, and that we can instead enjoy a life that’s decidedly more open.
As with physical exercise, it can feel good. And the more we do, the easier it gets. But first, we have to get started….
—Rod Meade Sperry, Editorial Director, Lion’s Roar Special Editions
This newsletter information is as good as some of the other things posted on the magazine’s webpage if you have time to review that. The message the Editorial Director sent was one I needed to hear especially today. Not because I forget the power of loving-kindness but living alone during a quarantine begins to take its toll on a person. Also, as I get older, like those elders before me, many of us feel invisible and ineffective.
A friend from my seminary days posted some words of encouragement yesterday. Ursula M. has always been an ambassador of love for me and for others. I told her I felt like I was the biggest failure of all to go through St. Stephen’s Vicar program. She reminded me of my willingness to talk with the church and the people about what it meant to be an open and reconciling congregation after I came out. Her message reminded me of something a seminary friend had once said, “We must remember that all we are doing is planting seeds.” Her words came as we discussed the challenges of ministry and never seeing “results” in a world that demands RESULTS that are quantitative, not necessarily qualitative.
The world of faith, practice, prayer, and loving-kindness is about the quality of the love. I always quote Frederick Buechner’s understanding of love as working for each other’s well-being as well as working for our own well-being. It is only when working for the well-being of each creature is taken into consideration, and then, the best act chosen for all who are involved, it is only then that we are being intentional in our love.
Love is not merely a word. Yet, it is thrown around as though speaking the word actually means something. That word is often used to manipulate another or even to sell a product. I’m sure in the second half of that sentence you could hear some commercial starting from memory. The first half of the sentence may have caused your heart to ache as you remembered a time when you were manipulated by someone claiming love when in reality it was only a tool used to force you to comply.
One of my favorite Van Morrison songs, “Enlightenment”, has lyrics where he admits honestly that he doesn’t know what enlightenment is. Why? Because there is so much information out there that sometimes it’s unclear what we are to process. Also, each one of us must find OUR OWN PATH through life. Morrison wrote that song before we had the prevalence of social media as we currently know it. Will we ever truly know what enlightenment is? That is another point I think he’s making. All we can do is keep working at enlightenment or allowing another’s truth to exist even if it doesn’t work for us.
Love. As much as I’ve sought to be loving and kind in my life, I might need to adapt Morrison’s lyrics to say, “Love…or loving-kindness…don’t know what it is.” Why? Because each time I think I’ve grown in love, mercy, compassion, or my understanding of how it works together with justice, I find other ways that I am not loving or kind. All I can do is admit my error, admit my defeat, but get back up and walk on in love. Just because the world seems cruel and harsh doesn’t mean that love is gone or that loving-kindness has disappeared. We warriors of love and peace simply must continue to stand and remember to rest when we are weary, but never give up. Never. Love is always the goal, the path, the destination. Learn as we go. May that be enough.
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August 31, 2020
Both/And Versus Either/Or in 2020
This morning, I awaken too early. The world is in a conspiracy to drive humans nuts. At least, it seems that way in 2020, doesn’t it? For example, I am still awake at 3:30 a.m. when there is technically nothing wrong in my small space where I occupy life. Most of yesterday happiness was bubbling in my heart for reasons unclear to me. Then, to go to bed and only sleep for a few hours, well, that type of insomnia usually only gets me when I’ve been stressed by work or worried about a loved one.
As I tried to sleep again after hours of futility, my mind suddenly remembered our Pastoral Care & Counseling Professor talk to us seminarians about how humans want life to be “either ____” “Or ___.” Then he spent the next three years teaching us about how humans really live in the “Both/And” reality. What did he mean?
Another way of talking about the issue is how folks want issues to be black or white so one can clearly know how to proceed in any given decision. However, we live in a world toned with various shades of gray. That makes life more questionable and [image error]unsure than we fallible humans like.
One of the problems we face in our country is how those in charge keep trying to get us to buy into either/or phenomena. To make life more charged than necessary, the messages clearly state things like,
“You’re either for or against us”
“…conservative or liberal”
“…either ________ or _________”
That way of thinking also affects how we view our loved ones and the beautiful reality is that love is composed of the most beautiful shades of gray. I say it that way because we all want love to be soft and sweet and gentle. Yet, all people learn the hard way that love is more complicated than that.
When we buy into the thinking that things have to only be one way or another, we have also shifted into the “Us Versus Them” mode of antagonism. I like antagonism in a novel, it moves the story along. When we read of antagonism in memoir or biography, most often the goal of the story is to tell us how the subject of the biography made it through the antagonism to become something more. I wish I could say that antagonism always leads us to personal growth. However, as we all know, antagonism can just as often turn towards abuse, oppression, and in the worst case, war.
So far, all I’ve done is state the obvious. Why? Because I am an idealist and as such, I continue to believe there is a better way to live together. There is a better way to live in community than to continue to harm and antagonize the “other”.
“To meet the world on its own terms and respect the reality of another as an expression of that world as fundamental and inalienable as your own reality is an art immensely rewarding yet immensely difficult — especially in an era when we have ceased to meet one another as whole persons and instead collide as fragments.”
~Maria Popova from
“I and Thou: Philosopher Martin Buber on the Art of Relationship and What Makes Us Real to One Another
In short, Popova goes on to explain how Buber points out that whenever we turn a person into anything less than a “Thou”, we turn a person into an “it” or an object instead of a human being. Whenever we force a vulnerable person to choose in an either/or fashion, we are not respecting the power of relationship.
That is my opinion based on experience. One of the tricky things that spiritual leaders face is that congregations are composed of BOTH conservatives and liberals and everything between and sometimes, even have the extremes. A community is about relationship. What does it mean for each of us to respect each other even when we have differing viewpoints?
One of the most powerful things I learned growing up is the power of story as shown by living one’s truth. I was a young person of faith wanting to do as our spiritual leaders directed but there were some things (tactics?) that didn’t come naturally to me and in fact, seemed aggressive. My mom knew that I was struggling to understand what it meant to embody my faith and she showed me a great poem in the newspaper. In that poem, the message was that people watch us and learn much more from what we do than what we say. What does it mean for me to live and talk like YOU matter and that YOU are holy too? How would it feel to be treated like a person rather than “the opposition”? Can we agree to disagree or is it “my way or the highway”?
We like to say that it’s a small world and, in many ways, it is. Why? Not because of mileage or even the internet but because it comes down to this. Every one of us is a vulnerable human being. None of us have superpowers like comics like to portray. We do have one superpower, but we have to choose it and it is called “love”.
I’ve said it before, based upon Frederick Buechner’s definition of love, we don’t have to have warm cozy feelings for one another. Sometimes the warm cozy feelings will cause us to choose unhealthy relationships. However, we do need to ask what does it mean to work for each other’s well-being while also working for our own well-being?
There is a balance. My well-being means one thing to me. Your well-being may mean something else. Both understandings are important to acknowledge. However, if we are to be in relationship with one another, there may be ways we have to compromise EQUALLY in order to live in harmony with each other and the environment.
Political lingo calls it bipartisanship. Sometimes, it’s called healthy dating, marriage, or friendship. When there is an imbalance in how we treat one another relationships sour and become unhealthy. Right now, our world is out of balance. The Black Lives Matter movement reminds us that it has been out of balance for a long time. When we look at the real history of our Native Americans, we see that the relationship there has been out of balance since America’s founding.
What this all means is that like we now realize, in order to move to a healthier relationship, we need to find a new balance. If this were a marriage, we might go to couple’s counseling. At the office, there’s usually a manager or someone in Human Resources to help with conflict. However, how do we manage when we do not have anyone in charge of conflict management much less, conflict resolution?
“Society evolves not by shouting each other down, but by the unique capacity of unique, individual human beings to comprehend each other.”
~Lewis Thomas
We all know that there are no easy answers. The coming election has made more conflict and stirred volatility in our nation. That conflict has seeped into our communities, churches, and homes. The only conflict manager I know is, well, me and you. Each ONE of us must take responsibility for respecting one another with dignity at the very least. The only one I can truly change or have power over is myself. It is up to each of us to choose respect.
“Peace has a great deal to do with warm-heartedness and respect for the lives of others, avoiding doing them harm and regarding their lives as being as precious as our own.” ~The Dalai Lama
[1]Bipartisan is a two-part word. The first element is the prefix bi-, which means “two”; the second is partisan, a word that traces through Middle French and north Italian dialect to the Latin part- or pars, meaning “part.” Partisan itself has a long history as a word in English. It has been used as a noun in reference to a firm adherent to a party, faction, or cause (especially one exhibiting blind, prejudiced, and unreasoning allegiance), since the 16th century. The related adjective (meaning “of, relating to, or characteristic of a partisan”) appeared in the 19th century, as did, after a space of some 50 years, the adjective bipartisan. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/bipartisan
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August 25, 2020
Blurred Images
Blurred images haunt us sometimes causing us to be curious about the hidden picture. The above image is blurred because of the reflection of light on the plate glass window. However, in 2020, we all feel a bit blurred in real life, don’t we? Not only has our year been skewed because of the normal challenges of life, but also changes in the world; in climate, politics, aging, and of course COVID-19. Well, now that it is mentioned, all change can blur one’s image. What is life, if not change?
There is a saying that “the more things change, the more they stay the same” but I wonder if that’s where we all go astray? Once, at a dear friend’s funeral, his sister said that David had lived many lives before dying at age 36. Because I knew Dave’s history, I knew she was referring to the challenges Dave had as a youth, and then as he got into drugs. Dave and I became friends because we met in seminary as we both trained to be pastors in the Lutheran Church. Dave died right after he had decided to return to school to study for a doctorate in theology. Because I didn’t know Dave before seminary, I had never met the sister before the funeral. I kept my response to myself when she said that David “had lived many lives” because I knew it seemed insensitive. However, my response in my head was, “haven’t we all?” Dave would have approved.
I like to grow as a person and have always loved to grow plants, animals, abilities, knowledge. Ask anyone who deals with growth about the growth process and you will discover that the more things change, the more they…change. If a growing thing does not change, it cannot grow or bloom. It either means the living organism has become stagnant, dead, infertile, or ineffective. We use those words too in our society. Evidently, however, though we have a problem with death, even though we as a society don’t have as much trouble with “stagnant, infertile, or ineffective”. Why might I say that?
Other phrases come to mind:
We’ve never done it that way before.
I like the old one better.
Don’t change a thing (in relationships).
You’re not the same person I married.
What are some that come to mind for you? One that comes to mind for me is one that I never expected. There are times when my entire being says, “I don’t want to…” in response to things that must be done; things I didn’t or don’t have a choice about doing in life; from washing the dishes after every meal to going to work, to walking the dog. When I least expect it and am often most tired, something inside says “I don’t [image error]want to.” There are times that I can skip things. Life is a choice, right? If and when I’m willing to pay the consequence, I can skip doing the dishes if I want my kitchen to be disgusting. I can skip taking the dog out if I want to live in filth. You know what I mean. We all know there are things we can “let go” but something/someone is going to pay the price.
In truth, we always live in an unsure time. The human brain has great capabilities, and the human heart, even more possibilities. That doesn’t mean that we can “know it all” or “be it all”. That human limitation is why we need each other. That limitation that the world has is why species are interdependent upon one another. Humans are not the only creatures with need. That being said, one of the downfalls with humanity may be our most dangerous gift – that of knowledge.
Because we have knowledge and can gain more knowledge, we often think we know it all. This became especially true once we all had access to the internet. Wars start and power struggles begin that devastate populations, resources, and, in our current lives, the entire planet is endangered all because of the human fear of saying, “I don’t know.”
Even Saint Paul pointed out to the early Christians that “we see through a mirror dimly”. History gives us clarity in retrospect.
12 For now we see in a mirror, dimly,[a] but then we will see face to face. Now I know only in part; then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known. 13 And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love.
1 Corinthians 13:12-13
New Revised Standard Version
Yet, things aren’t always so clear in a moment of life. We think technology gives us exact pictures of what is and what should be changed. Yet, there is always more. Take a macro photograph, and you begin to see a picture of things you had not seen before. I’m not only talking about pixelation but also, things that one may have ignored because we focus on a single idea.
[image error] Nature Watches photo by JRobin Whitley
One of my favorite pictures was where I took a macro of the flower trying to show its beauty. It was not until later, after uploading the photo into the computer and putting it on a large screen that I could see the tiniest bug staring at me.
We are not perfect and none of us are gods, much less anything larger than human. We want to be in charge but we are not in charge. We are not. The sooner we can trust in the ability of the universe to balance life, the better. That also means respecting each other as well as the needs of the environment. Now is a time to listen closely to each other, to hear hearts and minds, to science and believe. I believe that I will be here in the morning, and if not, all shall be well.
“True faith in one’s religious practice means accepting the possibility—perhaps even the inevitability—of being wrong. It means to accept our limits in a radical way. That is what true faith is.”
~Clark Strand, “Nothing to Regret”
[image error]
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July 18, 2020
Losing Things – Love Letters to the World
Don’t you hate it when you lose something in your own house? You KNOW it’s there somewhere, you just had it a moment ago, or yesterday. This morning alone, I lost a notebook that I KNOW is in my home because I just used it two days ago and we are in quarantine. We go nowhere! Where could I lose it really? Looking everywhere, still can’t find it. Decide to return to the porch with a cup of coffee and as my mama used to say, “retrace my steps.”
Sitting down with the coffee, I see a letter I need to finish and reach for my pen. Of course, I forgot to bring one out on the porch. Returning inside for a pen, I do another quick scan of the studio area for the notebook – nada. Oh, there is my iPad I thought was on the porch.
Sitting back down and taking another sip of coffee. As I reach for my pen, only then I remember I picked up the iPad instead. I like writing handwritten letters. They are art I want to keep alive. Not only are they beautiful memories of loved ones or lost loves, they are often also histories, histories that would not have been known if someone hadn’t written a letter and the recipient kept the letter. Paper has no magic keyboard or voice to text (by the way, voice to text is another entire comedic even when you are Southerner).
As the morning progresses, I keep spinning between porch and studio. No wonder I’m dizzy so much these days. Oddly enough, I move much slower than when I was younger and free from vertigo. It wasn’t until vertigo developed in my middle-ages that I realized I had been a whirling dervish all of my life. No wonder I love the Sufi’s. Though, now, I can’t even look at a picture of them without getting lightheaded.
The more I think about it, no wonder my ex-wife divorced me. I say that because the swirling and twirling didn’t (and doesn’t) stop when I am in bed. Long before meeting my wife, I learned not to wear large anything to bed unless I wanted to be strangled in the night by the shirt from my own tossing and turning. Entering menopause also added to the additional fun for my wife because then, I was up and down all night going to the bathroom. I should have divorced myself!
Though I did lose the love of my life as a partner, I want to say now, that the pers and love are NOT lost; forever remaining in my heart, mind, and even being. How’s that? Because of how well she did love me, that love is forever part of my experience even if it is not a current experienced.
We often “lose” people because each one of us is imperfect in many ways. Sometimes, we get lost to the self. Sometimes we lose each other in the business of life or the tragedy of life or the busy-ness of raising a family. The one thing we need to remember, however, is that we never lose love.
Many would argue because when we lose a loved one to death, the end of a relationship, the change in a person due to health issues, disability, or the aging process, we never lose love because love changes us.
When I lost my marriage, and consequently my home, town, and church because I had to move, I was devastated. Then the hurt turned to anger at my ex. Those emotions and feelings are a normal part of loss and grief. Friends who hated to see me hurt and other friends who were also hurt because I had to move away, some of them wanted me to stay angry. At the time, I was so hurt that I wanted to stay at least miffed about it or righteous about it. Even though anger is an emotion I do my best to avoid.
[image error] Church of the Holy Cross Episcopal, Valle Crucis, NC.
Living in Beech Mountain, at the edge of the forest, healing began. Life-long friends were there for me during the time of loss and grief. G-d gave me wonderful friends at my new church in Valle Crucis. Those new friends kept me singing and praying until the hurt didn’t manage me. I’ve gotten lost in pain before, and sadly, hurt others inadvertently because I was blinded by pain. In addition to the Church of the Holy Cross, High Country UCC reminded me of a host of things I was unable to embrace the last time I lived in the Boone area. Their willingness to allow me to participate as a musician and guest speaker helped heal a different part of my heart.
The same could be said of Resort Area Ministries (R.A.M.) of Boone. In the 80s, I was one of the musicians who worked in the summer singing at the resorts and campgrounds. Since returning here, the memories of my family visits returned, but none fonder than of the beauty and love learned through R.A.M. The ministry was and still is a leader in the power of Ecumenism. A long article has been simmering in my heart and soul since returning here, but to summarize, they are a reminder of the thread of love in my life that has existed all my life…even when I couldn’t or didn’t necessarily see it. These beautiful people remind me that love abounds even when it is hard to see or feel in other places in our lives.
As the pain over the loss of my marriage eases, and I have run out of things (so I think now) to apologize for on my part of the marriage’s failure, guess what remains? LOVE. Though my situations in life have changed time and again – more than I ever wanted – the one thing NEVER lost is love.
How can I say that? Because love is not a feeling. The warm cozy feelings are only one of the many bonuses of love. Feelings are only one facet of the brilliant and dynamic gem of love. When you love, or when you allow someone to love you, love changes you. I wish I could define how love changes you but that would put a limit on love, wouldn’t it? Also, love is a different experience for each of us.
I want to say that the love of which I speak is not bitter, or angry. Yet, as human beings, we remain human even when we love. That’s one of the most amazing things, that these frail bodies, minds, spirits, can contain all of that love. The love of which I speak is that love that causes – no – MOVES us to love one another – even those who are different than us. Even those who are difficult to be around, and yes, even those who have hurt us in the past.
That love is a way of being and that love is Divine. Yet, from my blessed experience, it is also grounded in humanity, animals, and nature. That love dwells in me in the depth of my soul and that love will always be with me. That love can never be taken away from me or lost because it is a well. When I love another or someone loves me, that well only fills to overflowing.
Clearly, I even lost my train of thought when I wrote this. As I return to it, glad of heart, I wonder where I put that notebook.
[image error]
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