J. Robin Whitley's Blog, page 12

Fiction and A Pen Name – J.R. Frank

Fiction teaches us many things whether we realize it or not. That being said, fiction has not been my way of writing as an adult. I wrote stories all the time as a child. Still, after reading many badly written lesbian novels when I got out of college, I’ve wanted a book that was more like my life. Needless to say, my life is not as exciting as those often used as the topics in lesfic. I am not a secret spy or talk, dark, and handsome. Still, love happens in my life and has its beauty and power.

Back in 1997 (wow that’s 20 years ago) I started a short story about a woman’s romance. It began to grow into a book. I set it aside because I wasn’t sure about its value. Then, Regal Crest, Bold Strokes, and other companies began to put out stories by writers that were good. The ones in the 80s (with the exception of Rubyfruit Jungle and Patience and Sarah) had no plot and many could not spell. It’s unclear if they even had editors. The topic was sex too, not romance. Yes, sex can be part of romance but if that’s all it is, then it’s boring to me. One of the things I’ve learned about myself throughout the years is that smart is sexy. Smart is interesting and engaging. I wanted characters that had depth as well as passion. I’ve started sharing the writers on my website that I encourage you to read when you’re interested in lesfic.

This is not to say that my fiction will be particularly “smart” or “sexy”, but it will have a story and I know spellcheck.  Also, many lesbian stories have happy endings. Yes, there are trials along the way, but books can end on a fairly happy tone. My fiction will be more about life as many rural people experience it. This means that the mix will have lesbians as the main characters, but also there will be plenty of straight characters too. One may be able to live around many groups of LGBTQIA+ people in the city, but not so in the country. Rural settings are filled with people that are as diverse as in the city, but in a quieter manner. Also, any person living in a rural setting that is also part of the LGBTQIA+ community must be discreet and careful. My first novel is titled “Finding Home” and I will be getting the proof sometime this week. Hope to have it out for your consideration this summer.

One other thing I had to consider in writing fiction was whether or not I would use my given name on the fiction books. My first two books are non-fiction and rather serious books. As a result, I decided that I would use the pen name J.R. Frank for my fiction. I am working on another memoir and a collection of music essays that I hope are published later and since they are more serious, a pen name for the fiction makes sense. That way, when people expect a certain feel from my writing as JRobin Whitley you know what you’re getting. Same thing with J.R. Frank. The books published under J.R. Frank will be mostly lesbian fiction. I hope you will take a chance on my fiction even if you aren’t a lesbian. You never know, you just might learn that we are not a lot different than you.

©2017 Pat Thomas of Photofetish

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Rubyfruit Jungle by Rita Mae Brown

Patience and Sarah by Isabel Miller, Emma Donoghue

 

 

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On the Road

Larissa K. Used with Permission

On the road again…I never thought I’d get on the road again. Yes, I am typing to the tune of the Willie Nelson song. I always liked that song and Willie Nelson. In the past, I always said I lived a gypsy life. I was never in one place longer than four years. I’ve lived in Sylva for ten years and that seems a short time for such a wonderful place. It’s not that I want to leave Sylva, because I consider it home. I do have to be thinking about something other than living in a lodge for the rest of my life.

Don’t get me wrong. If they would allow me to be the resident hermit, I would be glad to live here for the rest of my life. I mean, it’s a gorgeous place and I love the people who own and run the place. In a short time, the people at Spirit of the Mountains Lodge have become my family. The setting is glorious and feels like a peace of heaven. Why would I want to leave? The only thing I miss is a real kitchen. Not that I cook or bake anymore. There’s something comforting about a kitchen. But still, that’s not reason enough to leave this place. Once you’ve breathed in the crisp mountain air, listened to the sounds of the birds, rejoiced over the song of the tree frogs, enjoyed the freedom to hike, pray, or write, why would anyone want to leave?

Porch view at the lodge
Photo by JRobin Whitley

When I am overwhelmed with the emotion of change, I go on the porch or walk the dog and the view is so gorgeous I know I can handle anything. The peace is so perfect that I want to stay here for the rest of my days. If only I could purchase the lodge and assure that.

However, like all beautiful things, I can only enjoy this place for a time. The owners don’t have a resident hermit even though I have volunteered. This is merely a wonderful place of respite for the weary.

After the recent separation from my wife, I find that I want my own place. I want a place where I can control the air conditioner most of all. With asthma, I have to have a breathing space that is cool and clean at all times. The lodge is cool and clean, but it becomes clear that I need more control over the temperature in my private space.

This was a problem as I travelled to visit my mom and sister over Mother’s Day Weekend. They are cold natured and keep their houses cool, but not cool enough for me when I am having problems with my asthma. Wanting a place that I can always breathe how I need to breathe is going to be the challenge. I’ve been looking at houses in the Sylva area, but second homes of vacationers have put the market so high I may not be able to afford what they call a “stick house”. That would also be a house with foundations and one that keeps you rooted. I already feel rooted in Sylva. Must I have a stick house in order to remain rooted here?

My friend, Lama Khandro*, travels in an RV. I’ve enjoyed seeing her trips on the road. I have friends and family scattered throughout the US and Canada. My thought is that if I buy an RV, I can have my own space AND travel. Why not? I’ve always loved adventure and travel. People want me to come visit, but I hesitate because I need specific conditions in order to stay well. If I had an RV, I could travel to see everyone and stay well. Just because I’m disabled doesn’t mean I am dead, just that I have specific needs I must attend to in order to stay well. Lama told me about a group of women on Facebook who talk about women in RVs. Do you RV? The Women who RV on Facebook have been great to answer my questions about choosing the right RV. They are honest about their challenges and joys as they travel. Best of all, they are kind. I don’t feel like an idiot because I don’t know the right questions to ask.

Even if I don’t begin to live in an RV, the truth is I am on the road again. Perhaps the universe thought I got too comfy and settled. One of Cat Stevens songs (now Yusuf Islam) that continues to show up in my life is titled “On the Road to Find Out.” Throughout my life, this song has been a constant companion. Because whether we are settled into a stick house or a brick house, we are still on a path. Just because our bodies are stagnant doesn’t mean that our souls have to be stagnant too. “The answer lies within…” I’m back on the road again. Another mystery to enjoy.



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*Lama Tsultrim Khandro is only one of a handful of American women Buddhist Lamas teaching in North America.  Lama is qualified to perform weddings, partnership unions, funerals, home blessings, animal blessings, and other pastoral rituals for the Buddhist community.  She is known for her realistic approach, down-to-earth teaching style, and compassion for all living beings.

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Writing on a May Morning

Chicken in a stroller

Stroller dogs

Bird anatomy

Tradio

Free the nipple

Sand in your pants

Pineapple on the side of the road

Habit

Sitting in the house nude

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We talk about the weird things we’ve seen or read about in the past week. I remember some of my own, but they are nothing compared to a woman wearing a metallic bikini top flashing in the sunlight. Still, I list them all. Mine seem boring except for the pineapple on the side of the road.

This morning I listened to the local radio show that is a knockoff of WRGC’s show “Tradio”. A woman called in asking for someone to plow their garden. A band booster thanked listeners for supporting the band. A man wanted to sell 100 gallons of stain for $100. All different colors.

Now a writer jumps up and down in front of the window trying to silence the noise distracting us all. We then laugh about vibrations. Once she found the source of the sound, she resolves the problem and we return to writing in the quiet bookstore. We write in an old house that became a doctor’s office, became a bookstore, became a restaurant. The stories this building could tell. Perhaps it was talking to us today.

Blackberry winter is still here through Tuesday, but Wednesday will be up in the eighties. As a kid, I don’t think it got into the eighties until June. Never one to like hot weather, I often consider moving to cooler places; either farther north or farther up in elevation.

The place where I live now is a wonderful place on top of a mountain. At night, it seems the stars are closer. At times, it feels a though I could kiss the stars. This morning the moon was my bright friend as I took my black dog into the chill. The smells are crisp at four a.m. The road below is quiet and nothing stirs.

The sun rises and the birds are happy. Today is a beautiful day to be alive. I even have a Walmart employee ask if he could help me and several others were smiling. The bookstore is quiet as we arrive. While I wait for my coffee in the cafe below, the cat meows wanting entrance into the cafe. Then the laughter of joining together to write refreshes my spirit. There is peace in the clicking of keys typing out a story. It’s another day in writer’s group.

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Thank you for visiting my site.  My memoir has been re-released and will soon be available in audiobooks. Check back here for more information on the audiobook.

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May 2017

Spirit of the Mountain Lodge – April 2017

 

May is here. 2017 has been a ride I did not want to be truthful. Politics aside, this year so far has been one of sadness and loss. Dear friends have died. We lost another pet. Then, my wife asked for separation.  We are still talking and love each other. Life is hard. Nobody ever said it would be easy.

There have been blessings still. Spirit of the Mountain Lodge is where I’m living while regrouping. My friend calls it my own little slice of heaven. It does feel heavenly here as far as the view goes. Birdie, my feist mix is adjusting and likes to hike.

Writing was set aside in order to move and grieve, grieve and move. While both are still in progress, I’m pleased that more writing is happening. Working in collaboration with the graphic artist Kandis Glasglow, there will be a new edition of my memoir being released soon.  Her work on my cover has been priceless to me.  Hope you will check out her Mandela Coloring book if you like to color. Also in progress is the release of my debut novel.

Because my works of non-fiction are so different, my fiction will be published under the pseudonym, JRobi Frank. Life is a challenge, but I’m not giving up.  Hope you hold on to your dreams too, Robin

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Missing Links

Missing links is not a blog post about evolution. Um…nor is it a political post (though many of us might wonder at the missing links in the politician’s evolutionary chain). As I update my website I know that there may be some missing links here. As I was making changes, it reminds me of how easy it is to disconnect accidentally from the ones we love too.

We forget to phone as often to our loved one. Or we spend too much time on the laptop, iPad, or other gadgets that can draw us away from the beloved. Perhaps we are trying to protect one another from hard things. It could be we are just tired. Perhaps we are afraid to make the other person angry or perhaps the other person is often angry. Sometimes we merely don’t know how to talk to each other or where to begin.

The truth is, communication is hard. Being human is hard. Trying to maintain connections when one’s life feels frazzled seems impossible. Humans were not meant to exist in a vacuum…or on Facebook. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the ability to see long-lost friends on Facebook. I appreciate vacuums…especially when someone else vacuums regularly (though I don’t mind really). Even more so however, I appreciate my loved ones. My wife is a treasure. My church community vital. Family and friends make the circle whole.

One of the things I hope to do as I go through this website redesign is remember to check all my links. Is there a link in my life that I have neglected, or overlooked. I am going to check in with some friends and family to make sure there’s no oversight there either. It’s a process. Building a website is a continual process of checking to make things work. Why would we not do the same with the valued relationships in our lives?

 

Need guidance? Check out Life is Messy, Life is Marvelous

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2017 Thoughts and Feelings in Random

The world is changing faster than I can keep up. One of the joys of getting older is being able (or forced) to slow down. I must admit, I still don’t like slow mode very well. It becomes clear how we all get set in our ways and then turn into old fogies. I’m trying to embrace my old fogieness while also trying to update my dress to disguise it. The world is a funny (as in strange and odd) place to be. In the past few months, it seems there has been little to laugh at with the wildfires raging in our area.  I guess that’s why my wife and I laughed our heads off at a picture she took with a chicken photobomber. Can you find the chicken? No animals were harmed in the act of photography.

Copious feelings and thoughts have overcome me in the past few weeks. It doesn’t help that I’ve been trying to knock out my non-fiction stack of to-read. The stack is heavy with topics of persecution, human rights, and religion/philosophy. It takes me longer to read these books because I often have to put them down and ponder meaning or what I believe in relationship to the topic. Sometimes, as in  Silence (Novel by SHUSAKU ENDO), the topic is so sad or heavy, I need a break from it.

One of the books I had to put aside was recommended by LitHub as one of the best in creative memoir. I won’t list it here, because it was too random for me. The book may work great in its original language of South Korean, but for me, it was one too many books to read. There are other things that I want to read that fit into my new life goals. What are my new life goals you may ask? The truth is that I am unsure. My goal of being a kind, loving person is always going to guide my days. My hope had been to become more involved in justice issues, but alas (isn’t that a great word), my health forbids it.

This will be the first year I work completely from home because of my disability. I am learning to work from my bed, but it’s often hard to type that way. Did I mention I don’t like slowing down? Yet, I found that hemlocks, endangered in our area, are growing on our land. When I slow down, my asthma is better because I’m less anxious. When I slow down I am able to continue to be up and about…just slower. What is wrong with slower? Nothing is wrong with slower.

The sad thing I’ve discovered as I slow down, is that while I’ve often been able to accomplish a lot of work, I missed out on the opportunity to savor. Rushing to eat for over thirty years harmed me. What does it mean to savor a taste? Sometimes I can do it. Sometimes not. What does it mean to savor a breath…each precious breath? Breathing properly has been one of the hardest practices in my meditation and in yoga. Perhaps one of my new goals will be to learn to SAVOR. I’ve learned that by walking slower, I can actually savor the feel and power of a muscle as I walk, dance, or play.

Another important lesson I’m beginning to see in this slower life is the power of quality. I’ve always appreciated quality and want/strive to do quality work. Still, there is room for improvement and refinement. There’s the new life goal – REFINE. As I slow down to manage my disability, I can choose to refine the work I do. Refining means that I will further need to cull out the unnecessary. Because I have many interests my tendency is to dabble in many things instead of focus on a few. My health challenges are enabling me to see that it’s okay to let some things go. In fact, multi-tasking is not much of an option for me when something needs to be done.  Beauty rises from refinement. This is good. All my life, all I have wanted is to create beauty. Whether it is in art, music, writing or spiritual growth – a life of beauty and joy is vital.

In 2016, I completed my first work of fiction. There is a painting and a collage on my art stands. My music is always a work in progress. While the past few weeks have been challenging, they have also been meaningful. Because of grief and loss, because of life just being life, we can create goodness and wonder out of the wilderness in our lives. Even when the world has fallen down or been bombed down around many, they find ways to make something out of nothing. I’m at an advantage because my life and my family & friends’ lives ended 2016 with love and began 2017 in that same love. My wife and I remain committed to our loving community. The beauty is that they too are committed to being a loving and giving community. By thinking of you dear reader, as I wrote and do not know you, goodness has come out of my start of nothing…out of a place of not knowing. Thank you for stopping by. You are changing the world as you read.

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Overwhelming…

Overwhelming odds sounds good doesn’t it? We use the term to talk about odds balanced in favor of some victor. The past week the people in our area have been overwhelmed by wildfires. Loss u
pon loss. In our specific community, we also lost beloved community members who changed this area by activism and/or love and kindness. Living in the Appalachians is a blessing because of the wonder of nature and the majesty of the mountains. Vacationers often don’t know the poverty that lives behind the hotels and resorts. 
Not everyone lives in poverty of course. There are those who are able to make a decent living. But according to the US Census of 2015, 23.5% of our population in Jackson County lives in poverty. The surrounding counties will be similar. Many of those who live in poverty work hard and are employed seasonally working at resorts in the area. From Memorial Day in May to the last Fall leaf tourist date, that is the time when those resorts and those families make the money to live through winter.  
Our area was hard hit by the economy. It looked like we might have a good year in 2016 because nothing really bad happened…until the wildfires. Not only has this ended jobs early for many in our area, the promise of a job in the spring has been burned to the ground for those in Gatlinburg. I have no idea how many of our people drive to Gatlinburg to work. It’s surprising what people will do to live in the mountains and survive. One of my previous co-workers drove two hours one-way to have a good job, but live where it was good for his young family.
As you approach this holiday season, I ask you to consider the folks in Western NC and in Tennessee who have lost their sources of income (most people in our area work several jobs). Below are only a few organizations working to restore trails, homes, and keep fires at bay. There are still several fires that could become active again. Thank you for taking time to read this. God bless you.

Places your donations can make a difference
Dollywood Foundation
Friends of the Great Smoky Mountains
The Appalachian Trail Conservancy

Firefighters Donation Points

 

 

Statistics from 2016 US Government Census for Jackson County NC
iMedian household income (in 2014 dollars), 2010-2014       $36,705


iPer capita income in past 12 months (in 2014 dollars), 2010-2014    $21,033


iPersons in poverty, percent     23.5%

 

iMedian selected monthly owner costs -with a mortgage, 2010-2014
$1,143


iMedian selected monthly owner costs -without a mortgage, 2010-2014
$300


iMedian gross rent, 2010-2014
$620





Families and Living Arrangements

iHouseholds, 2010-2014  15,872


iPersons per household, 2010-2014  2.33

Dissolve

Dissolve
by JRobin Whitley

Put my tears in your bottle referenced in

Psalm 56:8

New Revised Standard Version (NRSV)

8 You have kept count of my tossings;

put my tears in your bottle.

Are they not in your record?

Be kind every moment possible, always is possible! – Bansky “Love War” #Streetart — Be ▲rtist – Be ▲rt

Be #kind every moment possible, always is possible! – Bansky “Love War” #Streetart #art

via Be kind every moment possible, always is possible! – Bansky “Love War” #Streetart — Be ▲rtist – Be ▲rt

May I Be Worthy

Fire on the mountain ©2016 JRobin Whitley

As wildfires burn in Western NC and fires of protest burn throughout the US, I find I return to prayer. The first word is “why?” The question is the continual prayer of my life in addition this this prayer, “…where is it written what it is I’m meant to be”? God knows I’ve read as many religious books as possible and tried the self-help books. Maybe the answer is only written on my soul.

I have always asked the question “why?” because I am a curious person. I love to learn. I will always ask the question of being, because I want to grow into the goodness that I feel God planned for me.

©JRobin Whitley 2016

Yet, there are also questions that are larger than facts – the unanswerable questions. Conundrum, mystery, enigma, these are all embraced in the question of “why?” and in our days of discovery, we do not like to leave things alone. There are things that need to be left alone. Yet, there are always things that need to be questioned too.

The challenge of this week, after an election of a man and a vice-presidential candidate who seeks to get rid of people like me (homosexuals) is not where do I stand, but how do I respond? I cannot imagine the terror that people of color feel. What does it mean for me, a person who seeks nonviolence, to respond to someone who advocates hate and deportation of immigrants? I know that I stand for the underdog, the oppressed, the wayfaring stranger. I love diversity and different cultures, people of different races. The environment is important to me as well as human and animal rights. The natural diversity of life is beautiful to me and sacred.

Here’s the thing…I’m willing to stand up for others in writing. I can also be present and courageous in person. Because of my health challenges, I can no longer participate in meetings or marches or protests. I cannot go out and sing or teach and preach out in public anymore. It saddens me. I can only write. But the thing that others are reminding me is that writers and other artists can make a difference to empower those who are physically stronger.

How can I support you in this time of change? Who are you and what do you need in this moment? I have no money or advice really. Just ears to listen, a praying and loving heart, and words. It is my prayer that that is enough.

May I be worthy.

 

Where Is It Written?  

lyrics from Yentl

PRAYER

God, our merciful father,

I’m wrapped in a robe of light,

Clothed in your glory

That spreads its wings over my soul.

Maybe I be worthy

Amen.

There’s not a morning I begin without

A thousand questions running through my mind,

That I don’t try to find the reason and the logic

In the world that God designed.

The reason why

a bird was given wings,

If not to fly and praise the sky

With every song it sings.

What’s right or wrong,

Where I belong

Within the scheme of things…

And why have eyes that see

And arms that reach

Unless you’re meant to know

There’s something more?

If not to hunger for the meaning of it all,

Then tell me what a soul is for?

Why have the wings

Unless you’re meant to fly?

And tell me please, why have a mind

If not to question why?

And tell me where-

Where is it written what it is

I’m meant to be, that I can’t dare

To have the chance to pick the fruit of every tree,

Or have my share of every sweet-imagined possibility?

Just tell me where, tell me where?

If I were only meant to tend the nest,

Then why does my imagination sail

Across the mountains and the seas,

Beyond the make-believe of any fairy tale?

Why have the thirst if not to drink the wine?

And what a waste to have a taste

Of things that can’t he mine?

And tell me where, where is it written what it is

I’m meant to be, that I can’t dare-

to find the meanings in the mornings that I see,

Or have my share of every sweet-imagined possibility?

Just tell me where- where is it written?

Tell me where-

Or if it’s written anywhere?

From Yentl