J. Robin Whitley's Blog, page 11

Giving Thanks

[image error] Giving thanks is a good thing. Many theologians believe that is humanity’s only purpose in life. Not sure where I stand on that right now because I believe God made us more than that. I do know I don’t celebrate the destruction of the Native American communities. Of course, if the Native Americans had not saved the white people of that long ago time, my family probably would not be here. Most of my descendants came over in the 17th century.

While I am thankful this year, I cannot say I am happy. This is the first Thanksgiving in eleven years without my wife by my side. At first, I planned on hiding out in the condo. Part of me still wishes for the solitude of grief. The other part however wants to embrace the family and friends who still love me and who are still here

[image error]Birdie looking for deer.

for me and Birdie. Birdie of course is thankful and happy. As long as she can go with, that dog is happy.

If Birdie could drive she would. She wouldn’t leave me either I bet. I know she is thankful for me. Birdie is also thankful for this condo. She even makes me smile when we come in from a walk and she runs hard as she can in the small space. She then encourages me to play and be happy with her. She knows we are safe here and that this is our new place.

A safe place to live was my goal. Once it was clear that my wife wanted a long separation, I had to find a place to live that was affordable, safe, and quiet that also accepted a small dog.

Quiet is as much for healing as it is for sanity. Here on the mountain, there is plenty of solitude. At first I thought I might have moved to a ghost town, but I moved here at the end of the summer tourist season. I look forward to ski season. They are already making snow at Beech Mountain Ski Resort.

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When we returned from my book reading the other day, Beech Mountain had a nice covering of snow. It was both exciting and scary. I was thankful that the roads were clear since I haven’t gotten snow tires yet. When we made it to the condo, Birdie was excited to see the snow even though the temperature was at 28 and we didn’t have her coat.

Thankfulness can come from many places in our hearts, our lives, our work. Just because a holiday happens doesn’t mean we won’t grieve the loss of loved ones. Whether we lose someone dear because of death, separation, divorce, moving away, loss is hard and grief inevitable. As I go to my family’s tomorrow, I plan to talk to them about my sadness while also enjoying my time with them. The thing is, life is short. My ex (it still feels weird to say that) knows that I am thankful for her. In an email regarding something else, we expressed our mutual gratitude. That doesn’t mean it isn’t hard or sad.

We can be thankful regardless of our emotions for gratitude is acknowledgement of a gift. Whether it’s the gift of a dog’s presence or solitude matters not. Gifts are not those things bought at the store in a holiday rush. The true gifts are those things around us like nature, family, friends, work, love, play. Those are the things that make life worth living. I am thankful that I have a life worth living.

[image error]Valle Crucis across from Holy Cross Episcopal Church

 

 

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Test for blog

Hi everyone,

Bear with me as I try to find a way to put this blog on a separate page. It’s one of those days where I’m not awake and looks like wakefulness ain’t happening.

In the meantime, listen to this sweet song. Lyrics listed below.

 

God bless the tenderhearted

Who will love us face to face

Untempered and unguarded

They see through our mistakes

They have lost and been broken

More than we will ever know

But it’s the tenderhearted

Who let life for the overflow

[Verse 1]

All the pain a world can bring

Bruises more than we see

I couldn’t take another hit

Lights turned off inside of me

[Verse 2]

So I built a wall around my heart

Keep it in to keep it out

And nothing, when surrounded

Survives but fear and doubt

[Chorus]

God bless the tenderhearted

Who will love us face to face

And share the love and kindness

They were given on the way

They have lost and been broken

More than we will ever know

But it’s the tenderhearted

Who let life for the overflow

Yes, it’s the tenderhearted who let life overflow

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Practice in a Time of Fear

“To practice the dharma is not about overcoming fear altogether or pretending that we are fearless; instead, it is to change the way we react to moments when we’re afraid.”

~By Dharmavidya David Brazier

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Camp Séance Diorama by Grace Downer Gurley
©2017 All Rights Reserved, Used with permission

As we prepare for Halloween, it seems there are a lot of scary faces and pumpkins around.  I mostly chose fun characters on Halloween. Once I remember having a scary costume. Being a teen was hard. When it was time to stop trick or treating, I stood in the front yard. Trick or treating was never something I enjoyed. Going up to strangers’ homes and knocking on doors was the scariest part of Halloween then. That one Halloween,  I dressed as a ghoul or as death. I never quite knew what it was myself. I stood and waited in the dark for cars to pass then posed as a statue.

Who knows why I chose to do that. Perhaps I was trying to deal with my inner fears of being discovered as a lesbian. It could have been my dealing with a death wish I had because of my first bout of real depression. I didn’t get along with my parents. Living in a closet is hard as an adult and one’s teenage years are their own kind of hell. I was afraid of being found out for who I was. That was the real fear. It was a reasonable fear too because in the 70’s of the South, and sadly even now, the threat of being shot was and is very real.

We learn early in life to be afraid of anything that has caused us pain. In its healthiest form, this is a good way to ensure our survival and create the conditions necessary for safety and well-being.”

~by Pilar Jennings

 

It took years of prayer, journaling, and counseling to accept that my biggest nemesis is fear. When there is nothing to fear, my mind tends to make up things. In Pilar Jennings’ article, Fear, she discusses how hard it can be in this day and time to discern something causing an illusionary fear and what is a real fear. Her article offers some important points for all of us to consider in this volatile world.

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©2017 Day of the Dead, Art by Kay Larch  Used with Permission

All feelings come and go, and are by their nature ephemeral. But if we don’t train our minds to see that, we end up riding life like the old roller coaster at Coney Island that threatened to hurl people from their seats every now and again. 

~by Pilar Jennings

 

In the practice of prayer and meditation, it is oftentimes fear that distracts. One of my favorite Bible verses comes from John where Jesus encourages disciples to take courage because he has overcome the world. That is a good prayer for centering oneself when fears get out of hand. Yet, it is also important to face the reality of our personal fears so that we may lead a more full life.

There are many ways we can face our fear. Creating a journal has been a vital way to deal with life for many people. Sometimes you can talk to a friend, a priest, a lama, or counselor and that helps. Being honest about our fears is the hardest thing in the world to do. Why? Because it makes us vulnerable. When we are vulnerable many think we become weak. Instead, being vulnerable gives us to the strength to move through the fear or overcome the fear. Sometimes, we see that we had no reason to fear at all.

During this Halloween, I encourage you to think about what fears are in your life. Because I am still transitioning from living in Sylva to living in Beech Mountain, my fears are in my face. I live in a new place. My church is new, my community is new, and I don’t have snow tires yet. That doesn’t mean that my life is over. It doesn’t mean that I won’t have friends. All this means is that facing my fears means I can stop seeing the changes as scary and begin to see them as what they are. Merely changes. There will be new friends, new joys here in this place of solitude. All I have to do is look for the light.

 

[image error]

2017 Used with Permission

 

____________________________________________________________

Please check out the Tricycle Magazine articles referenced:

The Gift of Fear  By Dharmavidya David Brazier

Fear by Pilar Jennings

Day of the Dead Coloring Book can by ordered by contacting Kay Larch in a private message.

Samhain Fun is carved by the same artist who designed my book! Jennifer Lynn

 

 

 

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Meet the artist – Jennifer Lynn

Finding Home, Robin’s debut novel

The cover of my debut novel is so great I want to introduce you to the artist, Jennifer Lynn. I met Jen through mutual friends online. At the time I was displeased with the cover offerings and felt none represented my story at all. I jokingly said to Jen that I wished she would design a cover for my new book. Imagine my surprise when she said yes and jumped on it!

I was still in the process of correcting some edits in the final manuscript at the time. As a result, there wasn’t a good copy of the book ready for her to read. She was okay with that and suggested we Skype and talk about it. I gave her a brief description of the book without suggesting anything particular. The cover you see above perfectly fits the book. In addition, her painting reminds me of my Grandma Poplin’s home, but in a mirror image. Jen knew nothing about this. Her intuitive sense of design and color made this book a work of art.

Jennifer Lynn, or Chef as her friends call her because of her extensive culinary skill, is an award-winning artist and illustrator for 40 years. She studied fine art at Wilfred Laurier University in Ontario Canada where she studied under 3 different artists in residence including the great Canadian Artist Michal Manson whom she studied under for 7 years. She then travelled extensively and developed key elements from many artists around the world. Today she has returned to Canada and has re-established her work in Ontario. She is also a member of Federation of Canadian Artists.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/chefjenniferlynn

Webpage: www.chefjencanada.com

Twitter: @chefjencanada

Instagram: chefjencan

Email: jendechef@gmail.com

 

I am pleased to say that my debut novel is available now online. Released October 19th and 20th, the book is available now online at my Author’s page on Amazon. The book will also be available at your local bookstore. My hope is that you will first put in an order at your local bookstore because we want those warm cozy places to stay alive!

City Lights Bookstore in Sylva, NC will be carrying autographed copies of my book after November 18th.  Local bookstores are wonderful because in addition to having cozy places to check out the books, there are usually neat people there to talk about books. On the 18th, I will be at the bookstore to talk about the book and how it was a collaborative work with the artist Jennifer Lynn.

 

 

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Pre-Order for autographed copies

Robin’s Debut Fiction

Hard to believe it’s only 6 more days until my debut novel comes out!

Several people have asked about autographed copies. If you would like to pre-order copies, this can be done two ways. You can click on the PayPal button

 

or you can pre-order with City Lights Bookstore in Sylva, NC where I will be doing my first book signing (date tba).

Ordering from City Lights will take longer, because I must get there and sign them. Still, they are a great bookstore with great people. My first two books are in-stock there and signed already! So there is that availability. The best thing about City Lights is that if you go there, you can sit down and read what you might like best. They have both a great new section, used section, and Regional section. AND – it’s a bookstore! It’s the place I miss most about Sylva.

My memoir is In A Southern Closet. This is the second edition. I think City Lights has only the first edition with a different format and cover. This has been re-released in preparation for the audio version due out January 2018.

My poetry book, More Than Knowing, is available through Regal Crest Enterprises if you’re buying online, but City Lights also has an autographed copy.  

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Time is coming – 6 days until my novel is released.

Robin’s Debut Fiction

 

 

This is happening y’all. Just a few more tweaks on getting the cover ready and a few adjustments inside. It has been a long time coming.

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Time is coming – 10 days until my novel is released.

Robin’s Debut Fiction

 

This is happening y’all. Just a few more tweaks on getting the cover ready and a few adjustments inside. It has been a long time coming.

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Release of Debut Novel – October 19, 2017

Release! Ahhh what a great word. Excitement abounds as I announce that my new novel now has a release date! This date is special to me because it is the birth date of my maternal grandmother. She was a reader and the one grandparent who I would talk to about reading.

It took forever to come up with a blurb. I told my friends that it was easier to write the entire novel than to try and write the small blurb that would get another interested in reading the book. Oh, and remember that I’m using a pen name for the fiction – J.R. Frank:

In J.R Frank’s debut novel, the characters search for meaning in life and a place where all belong. A  story that is a reminiscent mixture of Fried Green Tomatoes and At Home in Mitford, this novel portrays a loving sense of community and home. The rural North Carolina town of Pleasant Quarry becomes a place where all belong.

Readers of the book need to know that I am a country loving person. I grew up in the country around some of the best folk you can ever imagine. That doesn’t mean that there weren’t hard things going on in the South then, because I grew up during the Civil Rights Movement. The only thing I knew growing up was that I wanted to be a hippie because they focused on peace and love. We grew up around people who told the truth and loved music. It was only later that I began to see and understand the greater struggles around me.

©JRobin Whitley – Rural Haywood County, NC

The community where I grew up focused on loving each other and protecting their children. I’m sure this is one of the reasons I love rural settings so much. When you live in a rural setting, there is no need to be fake or put on airs. If someone did that growing up, it was always because they were “gettin’ too big for their britches.” There were gays and lesbians in our community. I did not know of anyone being mean or unkind to those people, so it was only natural that I want to grow up and live in a rural place. Of course, once I learned that the KKK was still active and that people could hate different people, I moved to the city for a time.

Still, my heart belongs to a more rural place. My love of nature and quiet is central to my well-being. For those of you who live in a city, I hope you will catch a glimpse of a place (maybe a time) that gives you pause from the busy-ness. For those who live in the countryside, I hope you recognize your neighbors and way of living. Most of all, my hope in writing this is to tell a good story.

Used with permission

 

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Lightning Strike – on the loss of a relationship

©Kandis Glasgow 2017

 

Strike Me

​Lightning,

Strike me,

burn me to the ground.

I hear you rumble

and grumble behind the cloud –

over the mountain.

Show your face.

I am not afraid

of you or death.

Death would free me

from heartache.

A lightning strike

show the tragedy

playing out in my soul.

What is love?

I thought I knew,

but my love is lost again.

Strike me.

Lightning Strike me.

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Morning Errands

Morning errands seem never-ending. Today, we went towards Bryson City instead of Sylva. We stopped at the coffee shop to ask if Bryson City has a pet store. Of course, I stopped in the coffee shop to ask. I could search GPS, but people have better answers about local places. Besides, I am still training Birdie about being a polite canine in public places. I’ve discovered she REALLY likes people. There were no qualms about tying her to a tree on the porch while I asked for directions and a coffee. She wouldn’t try to escape. I wasn’t in the shop long before she started barking. The bark was the one that meant, “Why aren’t those people petting me?” The bark is happy but shrill. It’s just one decibel lower than the scream bark which is her Squirrel bark.

I go outside to keep her quiet. One of the employees is talking to her trying to assure her. I apologize to her and the one waiting on me. The girl says there are children that make more noise than any dogs. I get that. Oh, and I neglected to mention, there is also a train across the street. A bell clangs and a steam engine hisses to remind me. When I stoop to get Birdie’s leash, I see what appears to be a shiny rhinestone or crystal near the leash. Like a crow enthralled with shiny objects I reach to pick it up.

It melts on my fingertips because it was a drop of pine sap rather than something solid. I’m disgusted by the feel of the slimy sap and annoyed because I know pine sap can stay on one’s skin for days. Then, as I try to rub the sap off of my fingers, there’s the wonderful smell of pine. The sap comes off easier and I see that the tree itself is a different species of tree, though I can’t identify it.

Birdie hoping for a bite of my bagel.


A nice tourist comes up and pets Birdie. I watch the other tourists looking at the train and taking pictures. Several squeaky cars drive by because the coffee shop, Mountain Perks, is near the stop light. A service dog comes by and Birdie is offended that he didn’t even see her. She doesn’t understand that the german shepherd is working. At least she doesn’t bark at it. Birdie does turn to me with a questioning look. A woman in the group smiles at Birdie as though she understands the small dog’s confusion.

There’s not particular reason for this writing. It is merely a beautiful day in the mountains where pine sap becomes diamond and the light coming through the forest dances. People smile at each other. A train conductor waves to a woman walking across the tracks with a yellow Dollar General bag in hand. A car drives by and someone is laughing. It’s a good day to be alive.
 

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