David G. Benner's Blog, page 52

Peter’s Transformational Knowing – 4

Finally, what can we say about Peter’s knowing of himself and God at the point of his encounter with the risen Christ (John 21:15-25)? After the death of Christ, Peter and a number of the other disciples had gone back to fishing. What else was left? After a night of catching absolutely nothing, they met an unknown person on the shore in the early dawn, a man who asked about their catch and encouraged them to try casting the net on the other side of the boat. Immediately their nets were filled to overflowing with fish. And immediately they recognized their Lord. Peter quickly leaped overboard and began swimming toward shore.

Mirroring the pattern of his denials, Jesus asked him three times if he loved him more than the other disciples. This gave Peter three chances to declare his love—one for each denial. Jesus’ response was to repeat his invitation for Peter to follow him (John 21:19), precisely the same invitation that had begun their relationship.

What might Peter tell us at this point about his knowing of God and himself? I suspect he would have first said how little he had truly known either himself or Jesus prior to this. With regard to Jesus, I suspect he would repeat with amazement how forgiving Jesus was. What he had known as objective information from witnessing Jesus’ encounters with others, he now knew deeply and personally. And I am sure he would have spoken of his new level of readiness to follow the Christ whom he now knew in his heart, not just his mind.

The interweaving of the deepening knowledge of self and God that we have seen in Peter’s experience illustrates the way genuine knowing of God and self occurs. Peter could not truly know Jesus apart from knowing himself in relation to Jesus. He did not know himself until Jesus showed him who he was. But in learning about himself, he also came to truly know Jesus.

From:  The Gift of Being Yourself: The Sacred Call to Self Discovery

Peter’s Transformational Knowing – 3

Jumping ahead to Jesus’ washing of the disciples’ feet (John 13), we see Peter’s initial refusal to allow Christ to wash his feet followed by Christ’s prediction of Peter’s betrayal. What might Peter have said of his knowing of God and self at this point?

It seems probable that Peter might now speak with confidence about his love of Jesus, the fervency of his belief that Jesus was the Christ, and his utter disbelief and shock at Jesus’ prediction of his impending denial of him. This matter of the denial must have left him profoundly puzzled. It must have been inconceivable to him that he could ever deny Jesus. Did Jesus not know the depths of his love? Did he not know of his heroic courage and the strength of his convictions? He must have assumed that Christ was mistaken in this prediction. Doubting Jesus was easier than doubting himself. He had not yet encountered either his pride or the extent of his fear.

Briefly looking in on Peter after his denial of Christ (John 18:15-27), we would probably find him self-absorbed in regret and anguish. In a moment he had been confronted by his lack of courage, his treasonous lack of loyalty and the depths of his fears. He might also be thinking about how easily his pride had been wounded by Jesus’ prediction of his denial. Perhaps he was also remembering his protestation that “even if all lose faith, I will not” (Mark 14:29). In short, he had encountered his weakest and most despicable self, and he was likely filled with self-loathing.

From:  The Gift of Being Yourself: The Sacred Call to Self Discovery