David G. Benner's Blog, page 49

Knowing Love

In 2003 I wrote a book that has generated more feedback and questions from readers than anything else I have ever written. This blog is my response to the question that I continue to be most asked about... Continue Reading »

Living from the Center

The French novelist, George Baranos, described sin as the patterned way of being in which we remain on the surface of life. Living on the surface is a great waste of life. Something in us remains asleep when... Continue Reading »

At an Impasse

Several years ago my wife and I were hiking an ever-narrowing canyon in Arizona when we got to a place that, although I had never been there before, was quite familiar to me. After being reduced to single file we turned a blind corner and suddenly came to what looked like a dead end. But, if you look again at the picture perhaps you can see a glimmer of light coming through what appeared to be a crack in the wall that blocked us. Examining this carefully I judged that this opening might be passable with a bit of crawling. It was. But passing through this crack we came to an absolute impasse – that is, unless we were willing to slide 12 – 15 feet down a smooth rock face and then take our chances on getting back up. My wife, being more sensible than me, simply counted it a dead end and was ready to turn back. I desperately wanted to push ahead but my fear of not being able to get back up blocked me.

Sound familiar? It certainly is familiar to me – and not just from hiking. It’s a place that I know well from my spiritual journey. And it’s a story I often hear from others as people tell me of being blocked by fears that keep them from going forward and feeling that for one reason or another there is no way they can go back.

The most common fears I hear from those who feel at an impasse on their spiritual journey are fears of judgment, rejection, and exile. I have experienced all of these in spades – not simply the fear but the associated experiences. They tend to be inevitable if you are in a spiritual community that constrains growth to fit some preexisting framework rather than supporting and genuinely welcoming it. Authentic transformation will always be seriously limited in these contexts and you will inevitably be misunderstood and judged by people who fear the implications for them of the journey you are making. The things that are beginning to change in you threaten the small safe places in which they have taken refuge.

Don’t underestimate the costs of the transformational journey. Jesus certainly never did. Although he invited people to follow him, he also actively discouraged followers unless they had counted the costs (e.g. Luke 9: 56-62). But also don’t underestimate the costs of damage to your soul that come from compromising your journey – particularly as a result of fear. 

But, let me go back to the canyon story. It took me 2 hikes back to that spot before I finally had the courage to slide down that rock. What enabled me to do so was that I met someone who told me that he had gone past that point many times and that, although toe and hand holds were not visible from the top, they were easy to see from the bottom. The third day I took the plunge, slid down the rock, and immediately saw that there was an easy way back up. But I also discovered that the canyon opened up to a pool of still water that was my reward for taking the risk of moving through the impasse.

Don’t be distracted by your fears. But also don’t accept any minimization of the costs of walking the transformational path. Be led forward by your heart and your deepest longings. They are gifts of Spirit given to keep you dissatisfied with anything less than sliding down that rock in front of you and moving out into the spacious place on the other side of it.

All in the Family

For many people, religious tolerance sounds an oxymoron. It is quite easy to understand why. God knows there have been more than enough examples of religionists who have spent their lives preaching hatred for those outside their own tradition.

But, enjoying some holidays with my wife’s family at the moment, it is clear to me that what those who live and preach a religion of hatred need is to spend some time here in Trinidad and Tobago. What I have in mind isn’t Carnival (as outrageously fascinating as it is), or the incredible beaches and food (as awesome as both of these are), but exposure to the way the social fabric of this country so tightly weaves together the major religious groups of the two islands.

My wife’s family is quite typical of Trinidadian culture in terms of religious tolerance and interfaith composition. Good Christians regularly marry good Hindus and good Muslims and show not just tolerance but deep respect for each other’s traditions. Children are raised to remember the common roots they share as Trinidadians – roots that go much deeper into the soil of humanity than the shallower roots associated with their particular religious tradition. My Presbyterian in-laws happily go to Muslim or Hindu prayers with their husbands and wives and send their children to religious education in both traditions as a way of deepening their spiritual formation. Add in boyfriends, girlfriends, and other relations and the result is family dinners or days at the beach that are extraordinarily rich ecumenical and interfaith encounters.

I recognize that this sort of inter-religious openness is deeply threatening to many Christians. I know the tired old Scripture verses people trot out to support the sort of exclusivism they live and which they feel honours God. But rather than attempt to justify religious tolerance on the basis of Scriptures, let me say something about it as a psychologist.

The psychology of exclusion always reflects fear and breeds hostility. It arises from the binary nature of the egoic mind that attempts to simplify the world by means of comparison and categorization. But once things are categorized, it is almost impossible not to judge them good or bad. We then identify the good with “me” and “us” (those I count as my tribe) and the bad we project out onto “them” (everyone else). This is the way the egoic mind defends itself from perceived threat. Those outside our clan and comfort zone represent a potential challenge to our way of being in the world. But engaging them with respect and openness offers incredible opportunities for expanding the self and its horizons.

Religious tolerance does not mean abandoning your beliefs. It simply means holding them with humility. The only thing it requires is openness to the possibility that you and your tribe do not have exclusive ownership of truth. Decades of dialogue with those of any faith or none with this modest degree of openness have made me more, not less, deeply Christian. But they constantly serve as a reminder that even more fundamental than being Christian is being human. And we all belong to that family!

Dare to step beyond the exclusivism of the egoic mind. I guarantee it will enrich your life. And if you happen to a Christian, it will also make you a better witness to the Truth and Love you claim to be at the core of your life.

Expanding the Conversation

In case you are looking for where to sign up for the weekly Something to Ponder mailings I have been sending out for the past couple of years I should let you know that I am no longer offering these. It’s time to expand the conversation by moving it from a monologue to a dialogue!

Since starting these weekly mailings, I have established a Facebook Page (www.facebook.com/DrDavidGBenner) that provides the platform for this dialogue. Although its focus is slightly broader – walking the human path in a deeply spiritual way and the spiritual path in a deeply human way – I include regular posts from my books, occasional excerpts from books I am presently writing, quotes from others that speak to me, and many posts built around original material written just for this Facebook Page. More importantly, however – and the reason I am shifting to make that Page my primary way of interacting with people other than by my books – is that the communication on that page is not one-way. What makes it particularly rich for me and for those who “Like” the page is that it is a forum for dialogue, not simply monologue. I respond to every question presented to me there, and people have an opportunity to interact with each other, not just with me. In short, it has become an on-line community in which those of us who share an interest in an authentic, lived Christian spirituality can journey together.

It has been a privilege and great joy to share this awesome journey with you in these various ways. I hope we will be able to continue to do so through my Facebook Page (www.facebook.com/DrDavidGBenner), my books and this website.  Brazos Press will release my next book – Presence and Encounter: Sacramental Possibilities of Everyday Life – in September 2014 and the one that I expect to follow it is well under way. So, keep watch and keep in touch!

Suspension of Something to Ponder

In case you are looking for where to sign up for the weekly Something to Ponder mailings I have been sending out for the past couple of years I should let you know that I am no longer offering these. Unfortunately, selecting, editing and posting portions of old books compete with time to write new ones. Also, since starting these weekly mailings, I established a Facebook Page (www.facebook.com/DrDavidGBenner) that overlaps significantly with what I had been doing in these weekly emails. Although its focus is slightly broader – walking the human path in a deeply spiritual way and the spiritual path in a deeply human way – I do include regular posts from my books, as well as occasional excerpts from things I am presently writing. More importantly, however – and the reason I am shifting to make that Facebook Page my primary way of interacting with people other than by my books is that the communication on that page is not one-way. What makes it particularly rich for me and for those who “Like” the page is that it is a forum for dialogue, not simply monologue. I respond to every question presented to me there, and people have an opportunity to interact with each other, not just with me. In short, it has become an on-line community in which those of us who share an interest in an authentic, lived Christian spirituality can journey together.

Thank you for your interest in my books. I hope that will continue – and to that end, I will post a brief announcement of the release of new ones on this webiste. The next book – Presence and Encounter: Sacramental Possibilities of Everyday Life – is scheduled for release by Brazos Press in September 2014 and I have just started the one that will hopefully follow this. So, stay tuned!

It has been a privilege and great joy to share this awesome journey with you in these various ways. I hope we will be able to continue to do so through my Facebook Page (www.facebook.com/DrDavidGBenner), my books and this website.

Yours in Christ,

David G. Benner

Presence and Absence: 4

Because humans are hard-wired for presence we will always be vulnerable to absence.  Even Jesus knew this vulnerability. Nowhere was this more clearly expressed than in his cry of anguish from the cross when he sensed God having... Continue Reading »

Presence and Absence – 4

Because humans are hard-wired for presence we will always be vulnerable to absence.  Even Jesus knew this vulnerability. Nowhere was this more clearly expressed than in his cry of anguish from the cross when he sensed God having forsaken him. Jesus, like us, had to learn that the apparent absence of God is, in fact, but a face of the real presence of God.  If the stable knowing of the presence of the one he called Father that so characterized the rest of his life could be threatened at such a point as this, who are we to expect that we will ever be immune from such vulnerability.

We humans long to be in the presence of those who hold us in love.  We also long for the presence of those we love. Many of us also know a longing to experience the presence offered by special places – sacred spaces that ground us, align us, and restore our sense of wellbeing. Mystics long for nothing more than an experiential knowing of the presence of God – and many ordinary people claim occasional moments of such knowing and count them among life’s most precious gifts. Many of us know the immense value of belonging within a community. But community is itself presence, not merely an institution or a collection of individuals. In one form or another, we all long for presence because without the presence of others we have no way of knowing our own presence or our own being.

Underlying any experience of absence lurks the existential anxiety associated with the separateness of the self from its Source.  Describing not only his own sense of separation but also the fundamental root of all human anxiety, the thirteenth century Sufi mystical poet, Rumi, invites us to listen to the reed and the tale of separation it tells:

Ever since they cut me from the reed bed

my wail has caused men and women to weep . . .

Whoever has been parted from its source

longs to return to that state of union.

 Is it any wonder that we rush to fill experiences of absence with presence of some form or another? Quickly we grasp at available forms of pseudo-presence.  Because of their power to mask the experience of absence, these usually take the form of addictions.  But while pseudo-intimacy through addictions may distance us from our sense of absence, they eliminate the chance to develop a healthy way of responding to the underlying existential vulnerability and lessen the chances of transformational engagement with possibilities of presence.

Just as death must be embraced as part of the cycle of life if we are to truly live, so too the reality of absence must be embraced if we are to experience a stable knowing of presence.  Presence cannot be received by defensive grasping that seeks to avoid absence but only as a gift that comes from openness and trust.

Without some knowing of the Ground of Being that holds every experience of absence it is almost impossible to fully live in the now. Absence is defanged with the knowing of the Presence. But Presence will always remain an elusive mystery – beyond our control and beyond our exhaustive knowing.

Adapted from my forthcoming book, Presence and Encounter (Brazos Press – summer 2014) ©Dr. David G. Benner

Presence and Absence: 3

In my last blog I suggested that physical and psychological well-being are dependent on knowing presence at deep enough levels that we no longer require sensory verification.  Only very young children need to be able to physically see... Continue Reading »

Presence and Absence – 3

In my last blog I suggested that physical and psychological wellbeing are dependent on knowing presence at deep enough levels that we no longer require sensory verification.  Only very young children need to be able to physically see their parents to know their presence. Older children learn to carry  parental presence with them in ways that allows them to know presence even in the face of apparent absence. But the same thing is true in terms of spiritual health and maturity.  In the sixteenth century, St. John of the Cross anticipated the insights of twentieth century developmental psychology when he described the process of spiritual maturation as involving the same cultivation of trust that comes through the softening of reliance on the senses.

Just as the infant must learn to trust the presence of the caretaker even in increasingly lengthening periods of apparent absence, so too must the person who seeks to come to a point of stable knowing of Divine presence.  This is what St. John of the Cross means by the dark night of the senses.  Deep knowing only emerges when we release shallow, more superficial knowing. In all aspects of human development, this involves moving beyond what we can know through our senses to what we can know intuitively and subjectively. Just as the stable knowing of the presence of loved ones even in their physical absence is characteristic of mature psychological development so too the stable knowing of Divine Presence is characteristic of mature spiritual development.  This knowing is what Christian mystics describe as union with God, a union that is based on knowing presence even in the midst of apparent absence.

Spiritual health is no less dependent on knowing loving presence than physical and psychological health. There is, in fact, no substitute for this encounter with loving presence. No amount of belief or faithfulness in spiritual practices will ever be sufficient to support us on the journey from our false center in our small egoic self to the our true ground in the Spirit of the One who is our source and destiny.

In fact, perhaps we can think of the core of the human spiritual quest as the pursuit of experiential knowing of the Transcendent. This is the presence that underlies and is mediated through encounters with more immanent expressions of presence. In this journey we must first deeply know the presence of others and the world if we are to know the Transcendent Presence that lies behind them.  This is the truth of the Incarnation.  God may transcend materiality but has chosen to reveal the God-self in and through physical and material presence.  The Word that was God came to us in human form. Logos was en-fleshed so that we could know Divine Presence.

 Adapted from a forthcoming book, provisionally entitled Presence and Encounter (Brazos Press) ©Dr. David G. Benner