K-lee Klein's Blog: Chaos in the Moonlight , page 29

Blog page update and help needed...

I'm having a drowsy day, again. Haven't heard back from the doctor about my blood tests or sleep test - guess I'll have to make an appointment. Don't think I'd mind so much if it was a little tiredness but it's like this overwhelming fatigue that makes it so I can't do a damn thing.

Writing wasn't working so I decided to upgrade my blog a little - between naps just like the kitty said. Didn't do much but added an extra column and put the word counts of my WIPs with the inspirational character pics to go with them. I kind of like how it looks except my header which really needs to be centred but I have no idea how to do that. Would really love some advice on it since my OCD really hates the way it looks right now. Also seriously considering paying someone to set up my website. I have a domain name and a site on HostBig! that is just going to waste right now. If anyone has any thoughts on this, please let me know.

I haz a cover! And I'm graduating from Mom school...

Well maybe a "happee" is a little over-zealous but I was a little on the excited side yesterday when my editor (who is fabulous by the way) sent me the cover for my Christmas story. I know it's the same cover everyone else will have for the Christmas series but just seeing it with my name, the story name and even the series name, brought a bit of a tear to my eye. (everyone already knows I'm a mush head right?)


Anyhow, I got to add it to GoodReads and to my author page and then I just sat and looked at it for a while. *snickers* I know I have my "Outfoxed" cover as well (thank you Zath) but this is the first cover that means I've accomplished something I set out to do. Did I mention that one of my goals - one of the only ones actually - that I set last time in the hospital was to get something published in 2011? Never thought it was actually happen but December 27 is definitely in 2011 so that totally counts. :)  I already have my YA story for 2012 so that's a good start, too. Hopefully more will follow but if not, I'll just be eternally grateful that "Finally Home" found a "home" with MLR.

FINALLY HOME - available December 27 at MLR Press


When his father's funeral brings Josiah Nelson back to his childhood home during the Christmas holidays, he's determined to sell the ranch and bury his past. But after his old friend, Wyatt Aames, rekindles a fire in Josiah's lonely soul, he realizes that home isn't the house you grew up in, it's where your heart belongs.
Click for GoodReads link:

In other news, my youngest turns 19 tomorrow. Nineteen years ago today (a Thursday), I was saying there was no way in hell I was having a baby on Friday the 13th and that's exactly what I did. But he's been nothing but a joy to me so I guess it turned out okay. It's a little harsh when you realize your last baby is in his teens now and wonder what will become of the person you've been for 24 years - Mom. Guess I'll have to figure that out. :)

Thank yous, MLR Schedule and Remembrance Day

Thank you to those who commented on my post yesterday. I appreciate the support but still wonder if I'm worthy of such loveliness in my life. As I said, it's not a good time right now but I'm trying to keep my head above water. It also wasn't a good day for friendships as I hurt someone I care very deeply about. I haven't made any decisions but my thoughts revolve around shutting myself up in my "writing cave" as some people so aptly refer to their writing, and letting friendships slip to the wayside so as not to cause any more undue stress for the people I care about. I guess I'll just have to wait and see where my heart takes me next. I am a people person, someone who needs that contact and validation whether in RL or online, but the insecurity that's bogging me down is intense right now. Regardless of that, thank you again.


Now I will shamefully pimp my first published story - coming out December 27. I'm so proud to be associated with so many fabulous authors in this Christmas schedule. Thank you, karma, for that.



And on this 11th day of November, please take a moment to remember those who lost their lives so we could be free whether for Remembrance Day or Veteran's Day.

Depression and ponderance with a little light...

To people who know me, it's no big secret that the fall is a hard time for me. It's never been remedied or even reasoned why but it still keeps happening. I thought with my two 6 week hospitalizations this year for the depression that I'd get a pass for the fall but I was mistaken - of course. My therapist says it's not just the depression but the way in which the depression keeps coming back and the things that don't change during that time. The common factor is my home life and relationship with my husband but that is something unfortunately is not apt to change.

My intention for this blog was never to share my feelings but my writing and bright, happy, sexy pictures of beautiful men but that's sort of fallen by the wayside and I guess I need a place to express myself.  I'll take this blog off my writer profile on GR altogether so I don't have to appear as a whacko to someone who might be inclined to buy a book from me one day. I do have a website - well, not a real website - I have a domain and a place to put it but no actual format or anything. Not sure I ever will unfortunately since I'm so lame at things like that.

That's one thing I'm disallusioned with - my writing - I have my Christmas cowboys coming out on December 27 from MLR and now my really short YA coming out sometime after that but I feel like that's it for me. What did they call those bands back in the 80s and 90s that only had "one song that anyone liked" - one-hit wonders? Well, I think I'll be a two-book has-been. I see the things my friends write and the connections they have and I just find myself saying "what's the point"? There are so many excellent writers who have established critique groups and yeah, I'll say it... I'm jealous that some of my friends have that support and backing, a place where they can ask for feedback or help without feeling like a pest. I always feel like a pest, a burden, when I ask someone to read something for me and when I feel that way it just makes me back away from asking for help, makes me back away from my friends period.

And speaking of friends, that's a hard thing right now too. I have very few RL friends - and I like it that way - but the ones I have I cherish. My online friends are just as important but when my thoughts swirl in the fog of depression and unhappiness, my connections to those people become faded for me. I think I push friendships too hard, get too engrained and needy and stalkerish so my solution is to pull away and let those people go on with their lives without having to deal with me. It's hard on me but in my mind it's the only solution - to be alone, to hermitize myself, to not be an intrusion in lives that have their own issues. I love my friends and when they do me the honour of returning my friendship, I couldn't be happier but when I become too dwelly on myself, too over-needy and sad, they don't deserve to have to put up with me.

This blog is a bone of contention for me as well. I know you have to post something interesting to have people actually comment but when no one does, my mind goes straight to "they don't like me" or "I suck". That's typical me unfortunately. But saying that doesn't mean I'm vying for sympathy or attention, just letting whoever reads this into my head. That's another reason the writing may just not be my calling - that's the wrong word since I believe I've always needed to write and wanted to be a writer - maybe a better way to put it is I'm just not cut out for it. And maybe part of the disallusionment happened at Gay Rom Lit when I actually felt like I belonged somewhere that wasn't my own home and didn't involve being a mom. Maybe that feeling blinded me and now I'm seeing that it just wasn't true, that who I can be is not who I want to be. Too many questions and no answers.

There was a shining light in my tunnel last night. My youngest, Jake, had a gig with his band Cluster Fox. It was the first time they'd really performed since they went from being City of Fiction to the new name and changed some members. The bar was a little run-down and there weren't a lot of people there - some for the first act and more for the last one, but we had our own little smatterings of fans. I love to watch him perform on stage because it's a totally different side to my quiet, non-competitive, thoughtful child. He plays his bass and sings with the same passion he puts into his art but more so I think. Always wanted my own little rock star so in that way, I'm a proud mama. (I know the pic sucks - lighting in places like that sucks and I didn't have my real camera with me - mom!fail.)

Anyhow have a good long weekend (for most of you) and I guess I'll see what next week brings.

Monday's Mood Music - Staind

"Pardon me
if I can't fake it
while you still
believe"

Beautiful bubble butt

This pic has been on my mind (and in my sight) all day and I just thought the kind thing to do would be to share it with my friends. I got it from Artistry of the Male  and if you like beautiful men and sexy pics, you gotta go there... now.







This is a butt that just begs to be written about whether you write it as an actual top or bottom.I think not exposing the globes entirely just makes it sexier.Any thoughts on the shape, wellness or overall wow-factor?

Acceptance of my YA story

I met a new friend at the Gay Romance Literature retreat and he offered to take a look at my Young Adult short story because he's young himself and I'm well... older. :)  He's also the new editor at Featherweight Publishing which is a part of MLR Press that publishes children's and young adult titles.








The story is the one based on the following picture and was written for the Gay-Straight Alliance group's "Traveling to Better Project" on GoodReads.


It's only 5,000 words but I struggled big time with it, more than likely because it's a whole different way of writing. I think it ended up being pretty sweet and yesterday I got an email from Featherweight saying it had been accepted and sending me a contract. I won't get any royalties from this story and neither will Featherweight, as you can see in the explanation below, all the proceeds will go to a charity of my choice. I think that's a pretty cool thing and it still gets my name out there as a published author.  I'm not sure when it's coming out yet but please consider giving it a go when it does - it is for charity after all. :)


--Featherweight Press is currently seeking submissions for their upcoming Helping Hands line of stories. The Helping Hands stories focus on GLBT characters and issues. The author and editor royalties from all stories in the Helping Hands line will be donated to a charity dedicated to helping GLBT youth that the author chooses.--
In other news, I just finished the line edits for Finally Home and I think the next step is galleys - don't ask me what that is though. Guess I'll find out. Did I mention it comes out on December 27. Lol - I'm sure I'll mention it again.  I also have 8000 words on my NaNoWriMo, largely due to something we do on twitter called Word Wars. It's a great source of creativity and yeah, competition too. As long as I keep up my pace, I should be okay.

Enjoy your weekend, friends. And please leave me a comment so I'm not so lonely over here in the blog world. (I'm not begging yet but...)

Happy National Authors' Day

Stealing this idea from the fabulous SJD Peterson .

We all have our favourite authors and from time to time it's nice to give them some recognition of the love we have for them. National Authors' Day is the perfect chance. I obviously can't list all of the ones I love - so no one be offended, please - and I'm not putting really new authors either. These are my automatic go-to-authors when I really need something either greatly anticipated or already loved to read, in no particular order and I know I've left a lot out. What are some of yours? (picking is harder than it looks, believe me)


ZATHYN PRIEST

S.J. FROST

AMY LANE

Z.A. MAXFIELD

J.L. LANGLEY

ALLY BLUE

T.A. CHASE
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 MARIE SEXTON

ANDREW GREY

CAMERON DANE

CHRIS OWEN

J.P. BOWIE

SUE BROWN

JAMES BUCHANAN

Happy Halloween

My mood and spirit aren't really conducive to Halloween but I'm giving it a try. I always loved Halloween when my 3 kids were little - costumes and decorations and orange lights, always so fun. Now they're older so I wait for the cuteness to come to the door but in the last few years, it's been few and far between. It's probably because our street and our area is getting older so there's just not as many little ones around. Plus with the new areas cropping up, rumour has it they give out "better treats". :) 


I got home after midnight on Saturday night so I didn't get to see my youngest (18) dress up as the Goblin King Jareth (David Bowie) in "Labyrinth". Really long day - 2hrs driving, 2hrs at airport, 4hr flight, 45mins to catch next flight, 3 1/3hr second flight. Long ass day, plus I left my e-Reader on the first flight so that was a real bummer. I've messaged the airline but not sure I'll get it back or not. I swear, even though I have all my books on computer, too, it's still like losing an arm. My writing is going slow, having to push hard to get anything out which is not a good thing considering NaNoWriMo starts tomorrow. But maybe I just need a change in stories - guess I'll see what happens.  Anyhow, enough whining...*squishes everyone*


Happy Halloween from Chili and "Jack"
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This pic just shows it's next to impossible to get 2 cats and a pumpkin to stand still for a pic.Henri says "Happy Halloween", too.
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Poem - Introspective contemplation

Introspective contemplation

My soul reaches out for a hand to hold
Sharing of thoughtsA press of lips
A touch of skin
The intimacy of just being held

My heart feels empty but continues to beat
Yearning
Needing
Wanting
Aching
The simplicity of fingers laced together
The intricacy of limbs entwined

My mind seeks comfort
A place to feel free
To smile
To laugh
To accept me for me

My body cries out for physical intimacy
Brushing of fingers
Caressing of skin
Arms wrapped tight around affection-starved nerves
Fabric to fabric
Skin to skin
Muscle to muscle
Heart to heart

The degree doesn't matter
The touch is what counts