K-lee Klein's Blog: Chaos in the Moonlight , page 10

Struggling with myself

I'm struggling a little at the moment; could be the deadlines I've put myself under or the changing of doctors & finding of a psychologist (1st appointment today), could be my immobility that I'm tired to death w dealing w or the rapid changing of the weather that makes my head spin and ache. I guess it could be a lot of things that are causing the low mood, the anxiety, insecurity & lack of self-confidence and motivation.

Every year I say if I can only get past March or even April, things will get better but this year isn't proving that way. Last year I felt like a writer, but right now I feel like anything but, and I wonder if I'll ever publish a damn thing again.

Lack of confidence of course brings on more lack of motivation and so the cycle begins and circles 'round. I put too much pressure on myself because others can do so much more beyond my limits, limits that I know are there and are not of my own making. But knowing that doesn't silence the "should be able to" messages in my head.

The pressure and self-judgment shut down something in my brain that lets me do the one thing I want to do - write - and in turn leave my head full of ideas, characters, scenes and plots that remain twirling and bumping against my brain while I try unsuccessfully to release them.

I'm frustrated and frazzled & the worst part is that I have no real reason to be those things because I'm alive, well taken care of, and I have some people who I know care about me. I know so many who are worse off in different, more important ways, and my wallowing is selfish and self-serving. But at the moment owning that wallow and fighting against it all at the same time.

Friends have come and gone over the past year, but I've forged a pretty special bond w a new friend who I don't want to lose, someone who seems so similar to myself it's scary but comforting at the same time.

What's the answer or the point to all this? It doesn't lie in more hospitalizations for depression or new meds to try to placate my brain. It doesn't lie in beating myself or in giving-up. it simply lies in me to keep doing what I can to get by, to reach out for a little support when I only feel like stuffing myself into a cave w my only company being the characters in my head.

The solution is in me & the way I handle how I'm feeling. Pushing myself to write doesn't generally end up with writing on the page, but more lowness and judgment of self instead. If I need to take a break to watch a favorite movie or series over and over again, it's not out of simply obsession or compulsion but self-preservation as well. Same goes with letting myself write something that will motivate me, make me happy, stir my creativity again, make me feel like I still can write - yes, I'm talking about fanfiction - and I have to give myself permission to do that.

It's easier said than done but that's what I need to focus on right now - whatever works to get me past this rough spot and back to believing I didn't pick the worst dream in the world or the worst profession that I want so bad, just because I'm not as strong as I'd like to be.

I seem to have written myself into a circle of confusion but it feels good to get some of my ponderings out. I guess I have some things to discuss w my new psychologist who I imagine will barely have time to list all my disorders, meds, hospitalizations, therapy, etc, before the allotted hour is up. He won't know what hit him.

Happy Tuesday - I'm even trying to say that without any sarcasm at all. Cheers.

K-lee Update & some dwarves, of course

I swear I've been writing, but obviously I've not been blogging. And just so you know, that saying over there <---- is so damn true. I've tried to explain it to a couple people before, people who don't write, and they just didn't get it. It's a hard thing to explain really. 

But I swear I always have a character talking in my head or a scene playing out for no damn reason. I've talked to other writers about it and it's a relief to know it's not just me and my strange brain. 

My most inspiring place seems to be the bathtub which makes no sense whatsoever. I get in there with the lone intention to just soak and read, and BAM! 


I end up sitting for an hour or even two writing a damn story (usually fanfiction which makes it even stranger - didn't know dwarves liked the water so much). 



And yes, I do take my iPad in the tub because it's my eReader as well, but I just end up writing anyhow.So here's a little update followed by some wonderful sayings or just stuff I found funny about writing and some pretty, of course.
Update: My cowboy story is over 73k (how the hell did that happen?) and still not done (not the Finally Home sequel, the other one). The last few chapters are pretty clear in my head though so that's a big plus.



I've started the sequel to Lucius' Bite (Family of Misfits 2), and it's coming together nicely. I've gone a little beyond what I "thought" the story was about, but as long as my muse and the characters are guiding me, I'll just go along with it. It's Ali's story so if you've read the previous book, you know he can be pretty bossy, hence he's sort of running the show in my head. I hope to have it in print by October for GRL - keeping my fingers crossed. 


I'm also working on a free story for the m/m romance group based on a letter and picture written by another member. I've posted them below)  It's going slowly because I have two deadlines I need to keep at the same time, but hopefully I can get it done so I don't disappoint. I picked it from a bunch of letters/pics but never considered the fact it sort of involves cheating which is something I've never written before and I'm not a big fan of reading, either. I have an idea that hopefully will turn it around from a outright infidelity story to a sweet love story with an edge. Wish me luck.

~~That's us...Danilo and I, on our last night together. A few hours after I took this photo Danilo got the phone call that his wife had gone into labor, we had agreed that when the baby was born we would finally go our own way. A week later I left for my Peace Corps mission in Africa.
That was two and a half years ago, now I'm back in the neighborhood and it's like it's always been. I'm still the gringo, the only white kid on the block.
Everything is the same...But it isn't. Danilo is raising his son alone, and I am not the boy I was, I am not settling for being his little secret anymore. 10 years of hiding were enough for me. I still love him though...He called me last night and asked if I wanted to meet his son, Lucas. His son who he named after me...I wanted to be strong and say no, but I said yes anyway.
I never could stand to disappoint Danilo.~~


I've received a few beautiful fan letters about my Lazy Sundays series - doesn't it just figure that my free stories are my most popular, lol. I'm going to get to the rest of Devon and Scott's story as soon as I can but I really have to concentrate on what's on my plate right now. EXCEPT, I have been writing a lot of fanfiction lately. BUT I have a very good excuse for it, besides giving me a whole lot of happy while I'm doing it, it also seems to fuel my muse so if that's what it takes to keep the writer's block away, I'll just have to make the sacrifice. ;) 


I'm writing Hobbit fanfiction - well Durin dwarves - and some RPS from the Hobbit. I have a wonderful friend beta-ing them for me, and she's as much a Hobbit-obsessed, Hobbit-actor-obsessed geek as I am so that makes me feel like I'm not wasting her time. (oops, did I say that out loud?)  I'm also going to visit her in June - so excited! That's it for now but here are a few more writers' sayings and some gratuitous dwarf pics. ;)
My main fanfic story right now is centred around Fili and Thorin.Here they are.

Dean O'Gorman plays Fili(I'm having some very obsessive Dean feels lately)(umph dimple porn)

Richard Armitage plays Thorin

Fili and Kili(beautiful family of dwarves, right?

Aidan Turner plays Kili



Love this pic and it's very emotional for barely a few minutes of screen time

Way to Your Heart WINNERS!

Thanks to everyone who stopped by to comment on my Way To Your Heart posts. Bob the Random Number Generator has selected 5 winners. 

I said I was offering $20 in ebucks from ARE but they don't do $20, so I'm doing two $15s instead (hence the 5 winners)



*drumroll*

$15 ARE bucks - caroaz @ ymail.com$15 ARE bucks - T.T. Coveebook from my backlist - humhumbumebook from my backlist - A.F. Henleyebook from my backlist - Alessandra Ebulu
I'll be emailing all winners but you can find my (short) backlist here K-lee Klein  Thanks everyone & have an awesome week.(Or Fili will come after you - naw, I'll keep him for myself)



Hey! Make sure you stop by for the Hop Against Homophobia & Transphobia on May 17 - 27

Way To Your Heart post #2 - Concert crazy

Less Than Three Press is turning four years old! To commemorate the anniversary, we're having a bloghop called "The Way to Your Heart" from April 1-14.  Each blogger's "assignment" is to talk about the things that mean the most to them, things that make their hearts soar or even soar, in a good way of course.

The masterpost with all the awesome participants is HERE IT IS AT LT3  and many are offering shiny giveaways. So sit back and read what makes my heart do little flip-flops then go check out all the others. 


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This is my second post for the anniversary. I'll be giving away one $20 gift certificate to All Romance Ebooks, plus ebooks from my backlist. If I do three posts that would mean I give away the gift certificate plus 2 books, four posts would be the gift certificate plus 3 books - you get the idea. Every time you comment on a post, your name will go in the overall bucket so comment on two posts = two chances, three posts = three chances - again, I think you get the picture. Now on to the good bits. (beware - you will have to view a couple old pictures of me :P)

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I was able to indulge in one of the things that makes me very happy this week. I went to a Bon Jovi concert - yays! Bon Jovi makes me exceptionally happy but it's the concert experience I want to talk about. I'm the sort of person who likes to be alone - I'm a content hermit in that way. I raised a family, did a ton of volunteering, sporting events, and other activities. I've done the dutiful wife thing at parties where I was uncomfortable as f*** and just wanted to crawl into a corner and die because I really had nothing to contribute to any of the conversations, and frankly didn't care. 
So because of those things I decided I deserved my hermitism. My day is spent by myself (and my cats) with evenings having my husband or son kicking around some of the time. I go for coffee occasionally and the odd movie I think I can sit through because of my claustrophobia, dislike of crowds, and my attention span for not being able to do only one thing at a time - not a good scene. 
Other than that (and the quiet corner of a cruise ship or traveling Europe on one), home is where I like to be, EXCEPT - I can stand in the middle of a moshpit of rocker wannabes, hanging onto the barricade at the front of the stage and be in perfect comfort and complete bliss.
Concerts. That's what I'm talking about. Whether I go alone or with someone I know or meet people from across North America to hook up with there - it's always an awesome experience for me. My iTunes is a smorgasbord of diverse music from my fave 80's hairbands to Christian Kane (country) to punk, pop, rock, metal - you name it it's on there - even some classical. So obviously music is a very important part of my life and live music is one of those things that completely brings me out of my head and into the moment - into THAT moment.

I've gone to some extremes for the music and bands I love. I followed 30 Seconds to Mars around Canada and the U.S. for somewhere in the range of 14 gigs - planes, trains and automobiles, hotels, no sleep, eating at 2 in the morning only to have to get on a plane at 8 am for the next show, paying extra to meet and have pictures with the band. I even traveled to Hollywood to take part in the Summit where none of us had a clue what we were doing until Jared came on stage and said we were becoming part of their recording process and there we were with Jared F*cking Leto teaching us how to sing back up for 30 Seconds to Mars album This Is War. 2000/10 was awesome. And I have 200 album covers with my face on them to prove it. ;)
I've traveled for the Red Hot Chili Peppers, Bon Jovi and Seether. I've stood in the pouring rain for the Goo Goo Dolls, Great Big Sea, Hedley, and Three Days Grace, been sunburned for all those ones too I imagine, and more. Over the past year I've been to almost 10 gigs, crutches be damned. Lol.
There's just something about hearing a band you love tuning up and getting ready to roll out on stage. Whether it's a small venue or bar or the damn 20,000 seat Calgary Saddledome, it's magical in my eyes and head. 
I can be the most nervous, uncomfortable person in social situations (but I have a great game face so generally nobody even knows it) but put me in a crowded space with people screaming and swooning and dancing, and I'm in a world I never want to leave.
It's about the excitement in the air, the anticipation, the noise, the guitars, the drums, the keyboards, the acoustic solos, the belting out and crooning of voices. 
It's about half-naked men strutting around on stage (if you're lucky), jumping, spinning, bobbing and weaving, laughing through lyrics, screaming on the loud parts and whispering on the soft ones. 
It's about being in the presence of great music whether it's in tune or exactly the same as the recorded version or not. It's about losing yourself in the experience, being a part it - making your own experiences and memories that will last a lifetime.


It's about not caring how you look or sound while you're singing your heart out, pumping your arms and dancing to your own beat (even with crutches).
It's about meeting people who are just as dumbass-crazy as you because you both are so in love with where you are, who you're with, what you're hearing, what you're seeing, and what you're feeling in that moment.

It's about buying the t-shirts and merch so you can take home a even a small part of the experience you just sweated your ass off, sang your heart out and smiled until your face wanted to crack.


It's about being in a moment - or many moments - you never want to end.




All pics are mine which is why this post is so 30 Seconds to Mars heavy with a touch of Goo Goo Dolls, Seether, and Street Drum Corps. Please excuse the pics of me - some are faves that I just happen to be in :)

Way To Your Heart blog hop - post 1 (with prizes)

Less Than Three Press is turning four years old! To commemorate the anniversary, we're having a bloghop called "The Way to Your Heart" from April 1-14.  Each blogger's "assignment" is to talk about the things that mean the most to them, things that make their hearts soar or even soar, in a good way of course.

The masterpost with all the awesome participants is HERE at LT3  and many are offering shiny giveaways. So sit back and read what makes my heart do little flip-flops then go check out all the others. Happy belated Easter by the way.
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If you've ever read my blog before or just looked at the pretty pictures I post, you'll know I'm a little prone to obsession. To be honest, I think obsession makes me happy, lol, because it occupies a mind so filled with hurrying thoughts and ideas and characters and plots and scenes that there's little room for any coherence most of the time. Obsession makes me take time out from the whirring to seek out pretty pictures or stories about whatever happens to be my heart's delight at the time. This may seem like it would add to the convoluted nature of my brain, and in some ways, it does, but in others it stops the madness and makes me a little clearer. It's very hard to define so I'll stop trying.

I intend on doing more than one post for this hop, mostly because my decision-making skills are pretty much nil and there are a number of things that make my heart soar. I'll be giving away one $20 gift certificate to All Romance Ebooks, plus ebooks from my backlist. If I do three posts that would mean I give away the gift certificate plus 2 books, four posts would be the gift certificate plus 3 books - you get the idea. Every time you comment on a post, your name will go in the overall bucket so comment on two posts=two chances, three posts=three chances - again, I think you get the picture. Now on to the good bits.

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So I've decided (I rarely say that by the way ;P) to use my current obsession... I mean love as my first post. *drumroll please* THE HOBBIT!
Betcha didn't see that one coming, right? Or if you've been to my blog, Tumblr, Twitter, LiveJournal, Facebook, or anywhere else I lurk, it will be no surprise at all. I'll start by saying I read the book to my boys when they were in elementary school (I think that's when it was) and it never set off any bombs in my head. I also enjoyed the Lord of the Rings movies but meh, nothing magical happened then either. When The Hobbit movie came out there was still no fanfare in my head. My middle child had tickets to see the midnight show of it's release and I was like, "really? why?" It took me over a month to finally decide I might like to see it and only then because I found out two actors I adored were in it; Aidan Turner and Dean O'Gorman. 
So off I went, popcorn and crutch in hand, unsure whether I'd be able to sit through an almost three-hour movie that didn't involve two men falling in love and kissing and hugging and stuff. Plus my attention span and the shape of my knee in one position for two long were also of concern. I couldn't have been more blown-away had Thorin Oakenshield himself, knocked me over the head with his sword. 
The movie immediately sucked me in, even before I met my two beloved boys that I knew were playing sweet dwarf brothers. The last movie that had done that to me was The Avengers but it was already familiar in ways of characters and actors that I'd seen in the roles before - don't get me wrong, I loved the Avengers, saw it 4 times in theatres and bought the DVD as soon as it was out, even wrote one fanfiction about it but The Hobbit... just did something extra for me.
The first time I saw it was in 3D and despite those glasses making me freaking crazy because They Are Just Not Made To Put Over Other Glasses, I lost myself in the adventure, the scenery, the awesome characters (especially the dwarfs or dwarves as Tolkien decided to spell it). After years of depression and other issues, I didn't remember much from the book so it was a new world and story to me. 
I have a propensity for falling in love with characters very quickly and I knew from small clips and photos of Aidan that Kili had already won my heart. The movie proved that to be no different, except I ended up with three dwarfs invading my heart instead of the one or two (Dean of course) that I had suspected. Thorin, Fili and Kili - heirs of Durin - code name Sexy Dwarfs.
Thorin Oakenshielf, son of Thrain, son of Thror, King Under the Mountain was the first dwarf to have a scene. His backstory was sad and emotional and he was one damn sexy, passionate dwarf. It's Thorin's quest that is the centre of the Hobbit, even though the title represents Bilbo Baggins the hobbit in question. To me it's a dwarf story not a hobbit story, but the next two movies in the series will change things so I guess I'll let them keep The Hobbit title rather than write Peter Jackson and tell him it should be changed to something like The Dwarfs (Dwarves?), Durin Hotties or The Sexy-ass Dwarfs' Most Excellent Adventure (though it's not so excellent later on :(). Anyhow, Thorin is the king in more ways than one, actually he isn't a king at all because as of yet he hasn't reclaimed his kingdom of Erebor. 
He's the leader of the dwarf company, the strong silent type who is good at giving orders, allows for humility and humbleness when he's wrong, cares for his kin and his kind with a big old heart and has a tendency to get lost. ;) Richard Armitage portrays Thorin to a degree you completely forget Thorin isn't an actual person/dwarf in real life. Check him out, he has an array of television series and films, one of the best being his role as Guy of Gisborne in the BBC series Robin Hood. He's hot and his voice could melt a goddamn metal factory.
Moving on, we have Fili. First son of Dis who is Thorin's sister, making him Thorins' heir apparent and sister-son number one. Fili is played by the fabulous Dean O'Gorman from New Zealand. He's not as highly known as Aidan or Richard but I knew of him because of my love and addiction to anything gay. He's not gay, that I'm aware of, but he is in a movie I have in my collection called "When Love Comes" where he plays a young, strung-out hustler trying to find his heart - that's my description anyhow. He was in Young Hercules as Iolaus and currently stars in a popular Kiwi series called The Almighty Johnsons as the raunchy, arsehole (a lot of times naked) God of Poetry, Bragi - or Anders as his human name.
Fili is the strong silent type as well, but not in the brooding, emotionless (for the most part) way of his uncle. Fili is a watcher, an observer, and right from the beginning you can see one of his most important roles in life is to protect and watch over his baby brother, Kili. Dean was the 2nd actor to play Fili in the movie, the first having bowed out very early on due to personal reasons. I've seen the other Fili in costume, seen him interact a bit with Aidan but to me, the chemistry wasn't the same but then again I am a little Dean-biased. Fili is clearly missing from some of the scenes and Kili appears to get more screen time because there were a few scenes already shot with the old Fili in place. You can actually pick out the original Fili in a couple scenes but you have to look very, very closely. Lol. But I digress. Fili is the golden-haired dwarf with fabulous flowing hair and killer mustache braids. Dean has the most amazing dimples and sometimes you can see them through Fili's scruff, that always makes me smile.
Kili is one of the babies of the company (only 5 years younger than Fili though), but also one of the more hyper and free-spirited dwarfs... unless he has a bow in his hand. He's the only one whose first choice in weapons is the bow and arrow and there are a few times in the movie that Thorin calls on him to do what he does best, "Kili! Shoot them!" In some interviews, the other dwarf/actors have called him the sexy dwarf because he doesn't have as much of the face prosthetics or freaky hair thing going on, and let's face it, there's no way to really "ugly up" Aidan Turner.
I love Kili's cheeky spirit which Aidan brings to life in the very first scene he and Fili are in (love that door scene) where Kili goes from serious to excited back to serious then to determined in a matter of a minute. (I'm posting the scene just because I think it's awesome). The brothers are usually together, whether it's around the fire, around the table, on horseback or in battle. There are other brother dwarfs as well, but maybe it's Kili and Fili's youthfulness that makes their bond seem so strong. It's one of the things I love about  the two of them, their strong bond can be seen without it being broadcast. Aidan is an awesome actor by the way, if you haven't already picked up my addiction to him. ;) I first saw him in the UK series of Being Human, he's in seasons 1-3 as John Mitchell, loveable but confused vampire. He's beautiful in it.
There, have I rambled enough? I should also mention that seeing The Hobbit five times in theatres (in every format including 48 frames a second) watching it 4 times at home already (I swear I pick out something new every single tim, too), stoked my muse back into an awakened state after him being dormant for a few months of hell. I wanted to write dwarfs so damn bad, but not any dwarfs - "my dwarfs".

I fought and battled with my muse, telling him in no uncertain turns would I be writing Hobbit fanfic since besides that one little Thor/Loki fic, I hadn't written any in over two years. Alas, my muse won and in doing so, allowed me to continue on with the WIPs I'd be worrying over and stuck on. Did I also mention, I met a kindred soul through my love of the Hobbit dwarfs? It was a very huge perk. :)
So now I write Thorin/Fili/Kili (yes, Durincest) in different combinations and though I have only posted on Fili/Kili so far (plus some RPS Aidan/Dean) and because I'm working from a couple different prompt tables, there are many more in the works. (if anyone's interested I can give you the links). I've decided if I have to bribe my muse to finish my WIPs by offering Durins and Aidan/Dean, then I guess I'll just have to struggle through that. ;D I'm also a bit of a collector as you can see.

I also have each character poster (the pics of my dwarfs above), a beautiful movie poster
<-- this one, and a t-shirt. Lol. Research, honest. And that's only for the first movie. There are 2 more coming out, December 2013 and December 14 - the next one "The Desolation of Smaug" has a lot of elves running around - not sure I'll like them overshadowing my dwarfs and then the last one, *sighs*, I may not be able to watch it right to the end. I try not to think about that though.
Okay, end of post... for now. Should I make you think for your entry into my draw? Yes, I think I'll be mean that way so leave a comment telling me which dwarf or even just a recent movie character made your heart soar or just wiggled their way into your heart (you can pick a dwarf simply by the pic or description if you like, too, I'm not fussy, lol). 
Make sure your name and email address is with your comment, then I'll be making the big draw on April 15. Stay tuned to my blog for more posts for The Way to Your Heart Blog Hop - I think the next one might be a music or concert post. Now here's a couple Hobbit videos of scenes I love. I admit the Bag End scene is one of my faves of the whole movie.
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Fili and Kili - at your service. ;)


Thorin arrives at Bag End - late but in charge immediately.


This song and scene captivated me at the theatre and on DVD. It's just so rich, so beautiful.

Aidan Turner Poem-Porn Post

So there's no actual porn here - just so you know. ;) But have a listen and look at these video clips from the Desperate Romantics series (BBC, 2009) starring Aidan Turner as Dante Gabriel Rossetti.

I was actually searching around for some clips of Aidan doing interviews so I could find some of his speech patterns and words that he used (whispers *for my RPS series) and came across these.

To be perfectly honest, I like poetry, and I like this era of poetry as well as stuff like Poe and even some Shakespeare. There's just something about the language that tweaks my brain and makes it calm. Watching these clips did just that except... as pretty as the words are, seeing Aidan recite them and stare longingly into the camera kind of took the calm away and replaced it with OMFG sensual sexiness.

If you don't know who Aidan is (snorts because DAY-UM why don't you?) - he plays Kili (sexy Durin dwarf) in The Hobbit (and you know I'm still totally crushing on that to the point of writing fanfic again), Mitchell (vampire) from Being Human UK season 1-3, and he's scheduled to play Luke Garroway (werewolf) in The Moral Instruments: City of Bones. He's become very popular since The Hobbit came out and I can honestly say I was a fangirl before that movie (is proud).

Anyhow, I was going to do a post on what I'm working on and life in general but these videos smacked me in the face first thing this morning so that post will have to wait.

Happy Sunday.














And an interview with Aidan on the role (you have to see the end - priceless) (and yeah, I could just listen and watch him talk all day)

Author M. Raiya Blog Tour Interview

My author guest this week is M. Raiya. M. is on a blog tour to promote her book "Silver Pearl" from Less Than Three Press. Welcome to Chaos, M.
Thanks! I feel right at home here. Chaos could be my middle name. And I love The Hobbit, dwarves, kilts, and dwarves in kilts!
I think I love you already. <3
1.     I always start with some basic information questions so you can tell us a little about yourself. Where are you from? How long have you been writing? What do you do for fun? Go ahead and tell us everything.
I'm from Northern Vermont, born and raised. It occurs to me that many readers might not know where Vermont is. I don't have to get very far away from home before people start looking blankly at my license plate. 
Vermont is a tiny state in New England famous for its Green Mountains, maple syrup, fall foliage, skiing, liberal politics, and taciturn people. My ancestors have been here for five generations, and I fit right in. I've been writing since I was about ten when I realized one day that I'd read all my books (I had  zillions even then) over and over until I was sick of them and decided to write my own. For fun, I take photos, swim, canoe, bike, and hang out with my pets -- two kitties and a golden retriever.
2.     How did you begin your writing career? Do you have any major influences that got you into the genre?
I can remember very clearly one day when I was probably eleven years old standing at the picture window in my living room, looking out at the field across the road. The corn had been cut, the leaves were off the trees, and I could see the full moon rising above a rocky ledge. My father is an artist, and I remember wishing that I could paint the way he did, and capture the scene. But I'm no good at drawing. Then I suddenly started describing the scene with words in my head. And it felt really right. Before I turned away from the window, I knew without a doubt that I was going to be a writer.
I honestly don't have any major influences that got me into the genre. I wrote my first m/m story before I'd ever read anybody else's. I just wrote it for fun -- I had no idea other people were writing the same thing until I started doing some internet research. I've been at home every since!
3.     I noticed you've written a lot of fantasy and paranormal. Are there any other sub-genres or tropes you're thinking about writing? And if I'm wrong, please correct me.
Yes, I definitely write a lot of fantasy and paranormal. I grew up on the fantasy classics. I've always loved characters with secrets, especially those with magic in their souls. Gay people have always fascinated me for the same reason, with their courage and honesty to be true to themselves in a culture that is often not understanding, or worse. I think it was a natural leap for me to start writing m/m fantasy. I've written about dragons and now unicorns. I've done some science fiction and some medieval-historical pieces. Vampires and werewolves already have so many rules and regulations that I'm afraid I'd get it wrong if I tried to broach those legends. But I've got a piece about witches going now, and who knows where I'll end up.
4.     I like to ask authors about their muse but not everyone has one they can describe. Mine is always a hot man bossing me around – but that's just me. ;) Do you have a specific muse? If so, tell us about it.
Hmm. I don't really have a muse. Ideas come easily and constantly to me. On days when I don't have to go to my day job, I can sit and write all day. It takes something pretty major, like being in the hospital, to stop me from writing, and I get antsy when I can't get to my computer for a while. I always carry a notebook and pen. My characters are pretty bossy and insistent when I'm not paying enough attention to them. If anything, they are my muse.
5.     What things do you enjoy most about writing? Are you a plotter or pantser?
Totally a pantser. I admire plotters, but I have to write to figure out what I want to say. I love escaping into my own worlds. Writing is incredibly freeing.
6.     Do you have any writing or reading quirks (for example, playing certain music while you're writing or having to turn in a circle four times before you begin. :D) or squicks (things you simply cannot read or write)?
Oh, that's a hard one! I can write all the time, wherever I am. But ideally, if I have a whole day for it, I like to get chores out of the way and have my desk cleared of mundane business before I sit down to write. I don't usually listen to music when I'm drafting because other people's words interfere with mine. I will listen to nature sounds sometimes, especially in the dead of a Vermont winter. If I'm editing or doing marketing work, I can listen to music. (She said, quickly reaching over to turn on her iPod so people won't think she's a liar!) I really prefer to have my window open and listen to real nature sounds -- one of the benefits of living next to a brook with a waterfall.
Squicks -- yeah. I really have a problem with stories about animals being hurt. I'm such a softy at heart. Just can't deal with it. Like the scene when the wolf gets killed in Dances with Wolves? Or when the horse gets hit by the truck in The Horse Whisperer? Watched them once. Never again. Shudder. If there's an animal injured in my stories, somebody is always there fixing it up quickly.

7.     The blurb of Silver Pearl sounds like it will be an emotional story. Personally, I'm an emotional writer and get involved with my characters to the point of crying with or for them. Have you become emotionally attached to any of your characters more so than others?
Emotional? Me? Ha. Oh yeah, I totally get involved with all my characters. I weep, and laugh, very easily. Do it all the time.
8.     Now it's your turn. Tell us about Silver Pearl.
Well, as you've surmised, Silver Pearl is a paranormal, m/m fantasy with some pretty emotional issues. The main character, Joel, is recovering from being raped. He's an intelligent, compassionate man, but he's very wary of people now, preferring to stay on the old farm (in Vermont, of course) that he's fixing up. He's always had a dream of finding magic someday, somewhere, but now he doubts that magic can exist in a world which also contains so much violence. Silver Pearl is the story of how he comes to open his heart again, both to his dreams and to love.
It took me a long time and a lot of drafts to bring this story to conclusion. Joel is so quiet and soft-spoken that it took me a long time to finally hear him clearly, but when I was able to, I found a really deep bond with him. I admire his courage immensely.
9.     I like to torture my blog guests a little bit before they leave so here are some multiple choice questions for you.
Giraffe or monkey?
Giraffe. Tall and shy and awkward, like me. Monkeys are too loud and move too fast.
Tea or coffee?
Easy. Tea. Can't stand coffee. Any way, shape, or form of it. Even as ice cream, and that says a lot!
Beach or mountains?
That's harder. I like both. Put me in a city though -- forget it. I freak out.
Cowboys or rockstars?
Ahem. Blush. My husband is a drummer. Rockstars.
AND finally, who would win in a fight between vampires and werewolves.
Oh, I have no idea. My dragons could take either one, no problem! OHHH, BURN. ;)
Thanks for stopping by, M. Good luck with Silver Pearl and your blog tour.
Thank you so much! I've had a blast answering your questions.

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Official Bio for M. Raiya:
M. Raiya lives on a dirt road in northern Vermont with her family, surrounded by woods and streams and old stone walls. These elements soak into her writing in strange ways. Sometimes her writing is just strange on its own. You can find her blog at mraiya.blogspot.com.   

Here is the blurb for Silver Pearl:
Standing in a meadow late at night, not really certain why, Joel is shocked when he encounters a unicorn—one that turns into a beautiful young man. Joel aches to be closer to the unicorn, but everyone knows unicorns only approach virgins. After a brutal attack that left him broken and afraid, Joel is no longer that. Then hunters appear, determined to take down the unicorn, and Joel will have to overcome the horrors of his past in order to save his chance at a future.

To read the excerpt and enter a drawing to win a free copy of Silver Pearl, visit my blog at http://mraiya.blogspot.com/2013/03/silver-pearl-blog-tour.html and leave me a comment with your email address. The winner will be drawn on March 23.
Buying link from Less Than Three Press
And here is the link to the book trailer I made: http://mraiya.blogspot.com/2013/03/silver-peal-book-trailer.html

Author Talya Andor Blog Tour Interview

My author guest this week is Talya Andor. Talya is on a blog tour to promote her book "A Cut Above The Rest" from Less Than Three Press. Welcome to Chaos, Talya.
1.     I'll start with some basic information questions so you can tell us a little about yourself. Where are you from? How long have you been writing? What do you do for fun? Go ahead and tell us everything.
I'm from the Midwest, though the Pacific Northwest has become home to me, and I've been writing since I was about eleven years old. I haven't stopped ever since, though I've improved considerably over the years through practice and study!
Besides writing and reading in my spare time, I love to watch competitive cooking shows (I'm actually re-watching Top Chef Season 10 as I answer this), play video games, watch a wide range of movies with my girlfriend from quirky arthouse to blockbuster action, try out new cuisine in restaurants as well as cooking in my own home, and I've got a serious addiction to nail polish. Fitness is also an important part of my life and I've tried on various exercise challenges on my path to my goal weight.
2.     How did you start your writing career? Do you have any major influences that got you into the genre?
A friend of mine was writing a fantasy story, and I loved the idea so much that I started one of my own. I'd been a big reader for a couple of years by that point, consuming everything I could get my hands on, and I had already tried my hand at poetry. That first draft I started ended up becoming an actual fantasy novel. I was very young and it was most certainly terrible, but the act of writing and creating was addictive to me from then onward.
Fantasy and sci-fi were my first "homes" in fiction, I would say. Some of the first novels that really captured my imagination were Anne McCaffrey's Dragonrider series, Piers Anthony's Xanth novels, and others such as Mercedes Lackey, David Eddings, and more. In terms of influence, my style goes for descriptive, poignant but also humorous so I'd say Eddings stuck with me the most though Robert Heinlein imprinted a lot onto me during my formative years.
3.     A little bird told me you used to write fanfiction and it's no secret that's how I began writing m/m. I wrote bandslash as well as Alexander the Great/Hephaistion. There has been some controversy over whether fanfic is a good lead into original or something that breeds bad habits and bad prose. Do you have any thoughts on this or maybe would like to share your biggest fanfiction OTP?
While I don't want to get into the argument over bad habits—I think they can be formed by lazy writing and a lack of desire to improve, fanfiction or not—I do have a firm stance on whether fanfic can be a good lead into original.
My perspective is different perhaps because I started with original fiction, then dove headlong into fanfic and returned years later to write original stories once more. My original fiction was … okay. It wasn't great. I was told from a young age that I was a great writer, but I wasn't satisfied with this, and critical feedback that I got while earning my degree let me know that I had a long way to go. (One of my majors was creative writing.)
It was writing fanfiction, turning out fiction and writing a lot, that really let me hone my skills and go from decent to good. It gave me what all writers really need:  practice, and the incentive to continue. Fanfic provides a built-in audience. Often, that's what people need for encouragement in order to keep going.
That said, I think it can be a good lead-in for writing original works, but not necessarily for everyone. Writing is a tool, and what you do with it is subject to the individual strengths and weaknesses of the person wielding it.
If you want to write original works, write them! If you want to write fanfiction forever, that's okay too. It's an individual, personal choice for everyone.
4.     I like to ask authors about their muse but not everyone has one they can describe. Mine is always a hot man bossing me around – but that's just me. ;) Do you have a specific muse? If so, tell us about it.
I don't really think of my "writing" as a muse; when I write, I focus on the characters themselves as my muses. I try to get into their heads and let them speak to me, and then through me. And of course, their looks vary depending on what story I'm writing.
            But they are usually hot men. ;)  Or lovely ladies!
5.     What things do you enjoy most about writing? Are you a plotter or pantser?
Definitely a plotter. Sometimes the ideas come to me in bits and pieces, sometimes they come to me fully-fledged like Athena leaping from Zeus's head, but I always write the ideas down and develop them into a full outline whether that's three pages, or thirty. I allow spontaneity when going from the outline to the fully developed work. Sometimes the characters or the story take me on unexpected tangents, or a character intended to be a minor one ends up demanding a bigger role. For the most part, though, I follow the outline I've laid out and that's what works for me and keeps me focused and finishing novel-length stories.
One of the things I enjoy most about writing is seeing the characters grow and develop from my first ideas of them, to the fully fledged people they become in the story. It's a really delightful process of discovery and falling in love with who they are and how they become entangled in their relationships.
6.     Do you have any writing or reading quirks (for example, playing certain music while you're writing or having to turn in a circle four times before you begin :D) or squicks (things you simply cannot read or write)?
I wouldn't say I have any particular quirks. I work better with music to keep me focused, but when I'm in the zone, I end up ignoring it so that it's more like white noise. To write, I generally have to stay off the internet, so I used to write at Starbucks … at least, before they had free wireless! I still go there occasionally, but now I take advantage of organizing writing sprints when I need something to get me started.
There are a lot of squicks for me. Non-con, for one; I can't read or write stories with rape in them unless there's a load of caveats to that but generally prefer to avoid it. Stories with abuse, physical or mental, are uncomfortable for me and something I stay away from. Cheating is also a big squick for me, I won't read or write it and I wish more people warned for it. I can generally tolerate it if it's not the OTP, or the main character and their intended love interest, but it still makes me uncomfortable. There's a flipside to that, though, because if partners have negotiated what does and doesn't constitute cheating, and being with other people isn't included in that, then I'm okay with it. I need stories with a Happily Ever After, so Less Than Three Press is a perfect fit for me. <3
7.     You bio indicates you've written contemporary, sci-fi and fantasy, do you have a preference? Or are there any other sub-genres (or tropes) you'd like to try your hand at?
I grew up on fantasy and sci-fi, and I love those best. I actually surprised myself when I ended up writing not only contemporary, but more than one contemporary story. I always thought fantasy would be my main go-to genre. What I ended up discovering is a love for stretching my wings and writing different genres and tropes—I love to constantly try different things as a writer, it's the lure of exploring the shiny unknown. I might like to try high fantasy next, or a historical. I'm not very good at constructing a mystery novel (I've tried), but I definitely want to challenge my limits and do more in other genres.
My next three projects, already planned, will be fantasy, sci-fi, and sci-fi, so we'll see what makes itself known to me after that. Perhaps another fantasy to bracket the year!
8.     Your new book is about a chef so can I ask you if you like to cook? Have some culinary faves you'd like to share with us?
I love to cook! One of my favorite dishes to cook is scallops and risotto. I make a wonderful mushroom risotto at home that is well beloved. I'm also a big fan of searing a nice piece of well-seasoned salmon, skin down, and pairing it with green beans and couscous. Another mainstay in my repertoire is beef ribeye, medium rare, with oven roasted potatoes and lemon pepper spiked broccoli.
When it comes to food I can be a picky snob. I don't like to go to restaurants and order food that I can make at home (and there's a lot I can make at home), I like to order unique, more technically challenging things that I would have trouble replicating.
9.     Now it's your turn. Tell us about A Cut Above The Rest.
I feel like I've been talking about it all week, but really I've been talking about different aspects of the food and cooking world!
A Cut Above the Rest is book one of the Appetiteseries, and it's very dear to my heart. Food has been a big part of my life since I was a little girl, and this is the culmination of years' worth of knowledge and my passion for lovely men coming together in a kind of epic showdown.
I love German food and German people, so Chef Alex is from Germany, and that influences his perspective as well as the restaurant where he goes to work, Schulze's.
French cuisine is undeniably the foundation of fine dining as we know it, so Chef Nik's style is French and his passion is for that formal type of cooking.
Our story has two very talented, highly competitive young men who are put in forced proximity due to circumstance, and the rest unfolds from there.
This is a story that will make you hungry if you haven't eaten:  it's like shopping on an empty stomach, simply not recommended! You may end up making some impulsive food decisions.
10.  I like to torture my blog guests a little bit before they leave so here are some multiple choice questions for you.
Giraffe or monkey?  …neither? I find giraffes ungainly and monkeys have a lot of, ahem, bad habits. Unless we're talking bonobos, in which case, okay monkeys (though actually bonobos are apes).
Dog or cat? (ahem, I think I know the answer – what's your kitteh's name?)
Cat, for sure. Dogs are friendly but when you've got a cat's love and devotion, it's a really special relationship. Pepper is my baby princess, the ruler of our hearts and laps, and she spends a great deal of time curled up on the legs I put up on the ottoman.
Tea or coffee?
Both! I can't choose one to the exclusion of the other, but I will say which I'm drinking depends on the time of day and where I am. Right now I've got some ginger peach oolong.
Beach or mountains?
It's hard to choose. I live between two mountain ranges and I adore the view, and driving through the ranges. It's scenic and exciting. But I love walking along the beach and enjoying the water, and there's something so timeless and peaceful about waves crashing against the shore, so I'd probably choose beach in the end.
Cowboys or rockstars?
Rockstars for sure. They're flashy, passionate, good-looking, incredibly charismatic … the list goes on and on, for me, plus the biggest love of all:  MUSIC. I can't live without it. Nothing against cowboys and their twang and the way their asses look in those chaps, but I've got to choose those naughty, sexy rockstars.
AND finally, who would win in a fight between vampires and werewolves.
Hmm, that's a tough one. After brief reflection I'm going to choose vampires, not only for their image but for their age and experience. They've got the long view, the benefit of hundreds or perhaps even thousands of years, and they can plan and scheme and find their opponents' weak spots, steal through the shadows and strike without warning or mercy. Though werewolves may have muscle and passion and youth on their side, they'd also be prone to explosive hot-tempered action without planning, and vampires would be quick to exploit a weakness. Plus they're dead sexy.
Thanks for stopping by, Talya. Good luck with A Cut Above The Rest and your blog tour.

Thanks so much for having me, K-lee, and here's some info on A Cut Above the Restto lead out.  
The door creaked open and shut further up the alley. Alex turned, expecting to see Florian joining him for a smoke. Nik stepped out into the alleyway, unfastening his chef's jacket all down the front, baring a red t-shirt with a scrawl of words over the upper chest. He peeled up the bottom of his red shirt, fanning it out to circulate cool air through the front.Alex lifted a hand, but found his voice was stoppered in his throat. He reached for his cigarette instead, turning to one side to ogle Nik less obviously, unable to resist the slender nape revealed by the dark hair pulled into its severe tail, the skinny chest spanned into a stretch as Nik lifted both of his strong, slender wrists into the air, pushing them as far as they would go. His face went soft-focused, his defenses dropping in that moment while he shifted positions, extending his arms in front of him and lacing his fingers, stretching those as well. Nik bounced on his tiptoes, making soft grunts of exertion that Alex could hear even from the back of the alley.Stretching one arm over the other, Nik swung in Alex's direction. His eyes widened to such an extent that Alex could see white even from his distance. "What are you doing?" he exclaimed.Alex performed a quarter turn, glancing to one side of him, then the other as though expecting to find any others that Nik might be addressing. He waved his cigarette laden hand through the alley air. "Taking that break you told me to?"Nik stormed up the alley, aiming a finger at Alex like a cocked gun. "You're smoking!" he uttered in tones of mingled anger and betrayal. "I can't believe you're smoking ... it ruins your palate, and it cheapens our restaurant." He didn't stop walking until he was toe to toe with Alex.Alex flicked his cigarette ashes to one side and kept the butt gripped low. That was all he needed, to burn his chef with stray ashes during an argument over the fact that he was smoking. "Yah, I know you Americans think it's a filthy habit, but I am on my break, okay?"Nik came right into Alex's personal space to aim that finger near his nose, his face shuttered down in cold, hard lines once more. "Don't 'you Americans' me, Alex, I have dual citizenship and I can speak German almost as well as you," he exclaimed. "I'm surprised at you; what do you expect to accomplish, killing your taste buds like this?"The unexpected attack on his break, Alex's one moment outside of the kitchen that had been consuming his life, threw Alex into quiet confusion for a moment. "You can't tell me not to smoke." Alex kept his cigarette off to the side, but its smoke continued to waft up between them. Fuck it. He wasn't going to try and hide something for fear of Nik's displeasure. Alex brought his cigarette and set it between his lips.Nik's nostrils flared. "I can tell you not to smoke on our property," he retorted, reaching up to snatch the cigarette from between Alex's lips, leaving them tingling. "You're a chef, Alex, and if you want to be a great one, you ought to think about what this does to your palate. Your sense of taste, your sense of smell." He held the cigarette pinched by the very end, smoke curling in the air between their faces.Alex inhaled, on the verge of saying something a man should never say to his ranking chef, on the line or off it."Besides," Nik continued, bringing the cigarette to his lips and taking a thick drag, his plush mouth closing on the filter where Alex's lips had been clamped only seconds before. He inhaled, taking the smoke directly into his lungs before leaning forward until there was only radiant heat between them. "Would you want to kiss this?"Before Alex could move or formulate a response, Nik exhaled a stream of smoke directly into his open mouth.It set Alex to coughing. His eyes watered and he balled his fists up as Nik pitched his cigarette to the ground, grinding it out with the ball of his non-slip shoes, eyeing Alex from across the smoldering distance between them before turning about face. Nik stalked back up the alley without another word.Alex struggled to formulate thought in a haze of smoke and liquefied brain matter. A part of his primitive brain was still tracking the sway of Nik's hips even as Alex grappled with the upsurge of emotion that he had to label as rage. He was trying to set Nik's well-tended hair on fire with the power of his mind. He couldn't even muster a 'how dare you' for Nik's presumption.He definitely couldn't let himself think he more than wanted to kiss that mouth, ashtray taste or no. He wanted to ravish it with his own until there was more than just a kiss between them.

You can purchase A Cut Above the Rest at Less Than Three Press.
Check out my blog - dreaminginfinity - for a chance to win a copy of the novel, and this concludes the Tour de Foodie. Hope you enjoyed!
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Official Bio for Talya Andor:
Talya lives in the Pacific Northwest with her girlfriend and their girl-kitty who they believe to be cutest cat in the world, and is constantly balancing a busy slate of boylove stories to write with her day job, hobbies to upkeep, and nail polishes to collect. She has been writing fiction since elementary school and progressed to guy on guy erotica during college, honing her chops on fan fiction until original fiction lured her with its siren call. She loves writing and reading, routinely geeks out over gaming and movies, and watches far too many cooking shows.   Talya's books can be found here at Less Than Three Press

Musical interlude - Great Big Sea

Off to see my second Great Big Sea concert in two nights so I thought I'd share some of their music. They're touring for their 20th anniversary - awesome. Great Canadian Newfy band whose style is hard to define - kitchen party music, jigs, celtic, sea-faring, pop, rock, folk - you name it they've got it. They're high energy and have the best acoustic sound, and when they sing a cappella, they are phenomenal.

Having been to a lot of concerts in my life, they're one of the best bang for your buck gigs - never have an opening band and they sing two one hour sets with a short intermission in between. They are addictive and infectious and live they're a big old comedy show as well as being a must-stand-have-to-dance party. I stood the entire show with the damn crutches last night and I'll do it again tonight - my knee is not thanking me for last night and I'm sure by tomorrow, it won't be talking to me at all (which might be a good thing).

You might recognize Alan Doyle (singer with the long flowing brown hair lol) as Russell Crowe's bff. He's been in Robin Hood, Republic of Doyle (with Russell too) and is in a couple of new Russell movies coming up. Busy guy and one of the best showmen I've ever seen since I have seen him with his solo stuff too. Anyhow, I have to get ready so here's a couple videos spanning the 20 years of Great Big Sea.

In memoriam of William Neale

In Memoriam ofWilliam Nealewho passed awayMarch 13, 2012
*****
This was supposed to be posted yesterday but I just didn't know what to say.
I found this poem so I'm going to post this instead.

*****
Someone so dearly lovedSo popular with his friendsWe should not cry forever,For this is not the end.
His memory lives amongst us,Times we both laughed and cried,I cannot bare to lose him,But one day, we all must die
I hear his voice within me,and his funny little laughSo many things remind me;Of times that are now gone past.
I knew of no-one who hated him,He was the apple of every eyeAny conflicts, we all once hadare now by the by.
Jacqueline Ryan
found here