Brian Alan Ellis's Blog, page 15
March 4, 2016
A Series of Pained Facial Expressions Made While Shredding Air Guitar #2 - Spoken Word Inc.
Another audio excerpt from my forthcoming book is up at Talking Book!
February 29, 2016
A Series of Pained Facial Expressions Made While Shredding Air Guitar #1 - Spoken Word Inc.
First exclusive excerpt from our forthcoming disasterpiece via Talking Book!
February 24, 2016
Exquisite Duet: Brian Alan Ellis and Oliver Knudsen
Check out my story, “Demented Racist Grandma,” eh?
February 17, 2016
SEND US YOUR STUFF!
TABLES WITHOUT CHAIRS #2: BAD JOB
Submissions are finally open (God knows why; the first issue sold like shit), so get hella stoked!
WHAT WE WANT:
Anything that has to do with shitty jobs but is under 1000 words (you want your long shit in here? Fuck you, go try submitting to The Believer or whatever): flash stories, fiction, non-fiction, essays, memoir, lists, poems that don’t suck, tweets, conversations, short plays, memos, letters, blurbs, rap lyrics, whatever (NO ACADEMIC THINK-PIECES!).
Just make it short and sweet.
Also, we may be dead inside but we like to laugh.
Make us laugh, motherfucker.
Tell us a story about your shitty job we will remember through the ages.
Redefine what shitty means.
We’re waiting.
WHAT WE DON’T WANT:
No images or artwork; we’ll solicit that on our own from trained professionals (AKA friends who work for cheap/free).
No rules; unless they’re the rules we made up, in which case oh well.
No fear; take fear someplace else.
DEADLINE:
Get your shit to us by July, or something.
Fuck it.
JULY 1.
There.
You got plenty of time and no excuses, lazy.
PAYMENT:
We won’t pay you; we have our own shitty, crap-paying jobs (or are currently unemployed).
What we will do is send you one paperback contributors copy, as well as a discount code to order additional paperback copies to sell from out the trunk of your car/give to all of your friends and family because, yes, you’re a legit published author currently wallowing in the muck of narcissistic expression, so congratulations!
Also, we promise to not Facebook-invite you to any potential book-release events pertaining to Tables without Chairs, so that’s pretty dope, right?
PROCEDURE:
We ONLY accept submissions via e-mail; Submittable is too complicated and we do whatever we can to keep the mailman off our fucking property.
Also, we want you to directly PASTE your submission into the e-mail itself.
We’re not downloading shit.
Don’t even think about sending attachments.
We don’t get attached so why should your submission get attached?
Include a bio? Sure, why not? We don’t mind judging you by your accomplishments—hell, we’ll probably just google you anyway.
As for cover letters: don’t bother; we’re all going to die someday, so there’s no use wasting precious time with archaic formalities.
E-MAIL:
2Tables2Furious@gmail.com
MOST IMPORTANTLY:
Have fun!
OH AND DON’T BE A DICK:
Buy/download Tables without Chairs #1, okay?
February 10, 2016
V-DAY IS COMING!
V-Day is coming / Heart is shattered / Let’s party / New e-book novella by Brian Alan Ellis out now / 99 cents / DOWNLOAD IT!
February 1, 2016
OUT NOW!
Sexy Time in the Spook House, Oh Yeah!, the new e-book novella by Brian Alan Ellis is out today! 99-cent download @ Amazon.com!
January 27, 2016
PRE-ORDER!
Sexy Time in the Spook House, Oh Yeah!
The new e-book novella by Brian Alan Ellis
Cover art: Waylon Thornton
Available February 2016
Pre-order it at Amazon!
Add it to Goodreads!
