Jenni Merritt's Blog, page 2

The RID List: DEPRESSION

I have written and rewritten this post at least five times.  Then I got sick with one of those evil little stomach bugs and haven't been able to think about anything except sleep for the last four days.  Now here I am, reading what I last wrote and realizing I need to rewrite it.  Again.
I guess this is a harder post for me.Ready for RID Post #2?


DEPRESSION
When I made my first post announcing this crazy RID List, I had labeled this category as "Motherhood."  A few different tongue-in-cheek friends asked me if I was planning on getting rid of my kids (you know, because I am "ridding" myself of these things...)  I just replied with a good chuckle, then sat back and thought.
No.  I did not think about actually getting rid of my kids.But I did realize this post was about more than just motherhood.
I am a mom.  In fact, my main job is being a SAHM (stay-at-home-mom.)  I always knew that once I had kids, this would be my career.  And boy is it a career.  I cherish every moment and never want it to stop, but at the end of each day I usually find myself happy that that day is over.
When you are a SAHM, your life revolves around it.  You are a teacher.  A chauffer.  A school volunteer.  A chef.  A maid.  A doctor. A tutor.  A coach.  An artist.  A historian.  An alarm clock.  A displinarian.  A friend.
You clean more than you sit.  And just when you are done cleaning you have to clean again.You never stop.  Ever.  Ever ever ever.This sure does test you.
The idea of "me time" disappears as soon as you first hold their little hands and kiss those chubby cheeks.  You sacrifice so much, but it is so worth it.
Like I said, I love this job and wouldn't trade it for anything.  But the total sacrifice of yourself does something to you.  And for someone like me, it can really take its toll.
I don't talk about it much, because I don't feel like it needs to be flaunted.  I don't try to get pity or special treatment.  I know I am not the only one.  I am not going to dive into it too much, because this is the internet and the exact details of this battle are personal.  But it is something that really does control my day to day life and does need to be acknowledged. 
Depression.
I know, I know.  An author who suffers from depression?  Such a cliché.
I have been battling issues with depression since middle school.  I have never been into an actual doctor to get the "real" diagnosis.  And I cannot bring myself to turn to medication to "fix" this.  It has just become a part of my life.  A dark, scary, all consuming monster that randomly flares up and tries to take me with it.  
I cannot drive myself, I cannot get off the couch, I cannot think of happy things.  I just cannot.
Sadly, this word has also become a stigma.  Something people roll their eyes at or freak out about or just plain don't understand.  Because of that, I don't want to acknowledge it.  I don't let myself see that it is there.  It isn't really there.

So I let routine take over.  I am Super SAHM and that is all.  My kids need me, so I give them everything I have.  Then I lay in bed at night and lose myself.

That's what happened.  That's the reason I disappeared.  I let the craziness of motherhood, the darkness of depression, the busy ways of life overwhelm me.  And with that, I stopped writing.

I don't have the time.  I don't have the drive.  I am tired.  I would rather veg with a binge watch than sit and write because come on, I'm not that good at it anyway so why should I waste the time?

Yes, that's where my mind goes.
And I hate it.

I have learned something though.  Yes, depression is a part of me.  But it is not who I am.
I daily have come into the habit of reminding myself of this.  (Along with trying to live a healthier, more active lifestyle and totally diving into the doTERRA oil craze.)

Depression isn't my truth.  These are my truths:

1.  My life is great.  Yes, I am a stay-at-home mom.  I chose this path.  So I cannot let it get me down.  I have two amazing sons.  A husband I love more than anything.  A home we adore, friends that are just right for me, family all around.  I am lucky.  My kids test me, my clean home falls apart.  But life is good and I cannot let my thoughts sway that truth.

2.  My writing is great.  It is normal to doubt yourself.  Especially when in the depths of editing or accidentally stumbled upon a rather nasty review.  But at the end of each day, as long as I wrote something, my writing is great.

3.  I am great.  I am worth it.  I am worth everything.  I am not nothing.

I cannot just rid myself of my depression.  But I can stop letting it control my life.

When I write, I feel free.  I feel the weight lift off my shoulder.  And I need to stop stopping myself from that therapy.  I need to write.  It is my way of life.  It is so awesome seeing so many other authors out there saying the same thing, feeling the same thing, escaping and healing the exact same way.  We are a strange breed.  But here we are.

I am writing.  And it sure does feel good.

The RID List: PHOTOGRAPHY

It's about time to dive into this RID List of mine.  (For those of you wondering, here is the explanation of The Reasons I Disappeared List.)  I figured I might as well go in the order I had listed these reasons.  Meaning today is focused on RID #1:


PHOTOGRAPHY
When I was in elementary school my dad introduced me to photography.  I started with disposable cameras and snapped away rather haphazardly.  Come middle school he noticed my obsession and got me a simple little camera that took click in film.  And I snapped more than ever.
Dad, I don't know how much money you spent on developing film for me.  But thanks.
Towards the end of high school my dad got a digital camera.  I played with it when I could and found I was insanely jealous of the fact that he owned it and I didn't.  (It didn't help that my best friend showed up one day with a digital of her own.)  I drooled over these non-film wonders.  So of course the excitement that overwhelmed me when my dad gave me my own dinky little digital camera was beyond words.
I filled my computer with useless shots.
Honestly though, I didn't think of doing photography as more than a hobby until after I had my first kid.  I took way too many photos of him.  (That's a lie.  I didn't take enough.)  Soon friends were asking me to take photos for them.  I had started to fiddle with editing, and it wasn't too shabby.
Before long, I found myself investing in a DSLR camera, creating a Facebook page, and taking on clients that weren't just family members and good friends.
Somehow I had created a name for myself.And I loved it.
Little did I know that it would take over my entire life.


Photography isn't just happily clicking a trigger and seeing the wonder that is.  You need to take the time to learn your camera, learn proper settings for the image you want to capture, learn the proper way to edit them to produce the best product...
That is just the start.
You set up the Facebook page.  The website.  Create the logo and watermark and business cards.  You reach out to people to spread the word.  Host contests.  Advertise.
Then you book the sessions.  You spend 60-90 minutes taking the photos.  This is the part I love.  You spend time with these people, some you know and some you are only just meeting.  You make them smile.  Get some tears.  Become a small part of their lives for that moment in time and capture the memories.  It is honestly magical.  And exhausting.

Then you go home with a filled memory card.  Sift through all the photos you just took.  Shrink the list down.  THIS alone takes time.
THEN (do you like all the "thens" that are happening?) you start in on the editing.  You create just the right preset for that session.  Apply it.  Tweak it.  Correct things.  Beautify the work.  Depending on the session, this can take hours...or days.  Weeks if it happens to be a wedding.  (Oh, don't get me started on weddings.) 
And most of the time, I had a few sessions in a row.  Meaning the backlog was getting worse and worse.  I still needed to burn DVD copies, upload to the private galleries, create sneak peeks, breathe...
I loved it.  I did.  But with each additional session, I found my time for writing was disappearing fast. I was swallowed up in the the all consuming photography world, and leaving the writing world  behind.

I had to make a decision.Did I want to mainly be a photographer...or an author.
This was a huge decision.  These were two passions that I loved.  That gave me joy.  That I couldn't just leave behind.  So how would I decide?

I tried the classic "Pros vs Cons" list.  I had been writing since I was three.  I got out and about and met people with photography.  I have so many stories still to share.  I made actual money snapping photos.  My writing was solely about me.  My photography was about giving memories to others.  The list never ended...This wasn't helping.
I had to figure something else out.  Because I could no longer do both to this extent.It really came down to:
Which one would it break my heart to leave behind?  Where was my joy?
And without thinking, without weighing options and pondering, I knew the answer.I tried to fight it.I tried to rationalize.I tried to change my mind even.But my heart was stuck on one thing, always going back to one thing, missing one thing.
Writing.
So 2015 hit and I made my decision.I am a photographer.  I always will be and will never deny it.But my heart decided something for me and I couldn't fight it any longer.  I stopped taking on new clients, stopped advertising, stopped seeking sessions.  I thought it would be hard and the withdrawals would kill me.  But know what?  They didn't.
I guess this is my round about way of announcing that Jenni Merritt Photography is closed.  Not completely.  Not forever.  But as of today, I will only be shooting for family/friends and return clients.  And even that will be with extreme discretion.

TO ALL MY CLIENTS: YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. The moments and memories you have given me are all so priceless.  I loved being given the chance to photograph you.  I loved that you trusted me with this job.  I STILL love photography.  Who knows what the future brings.  But at least I know that those moments of the past that you gave me are forever captured in my art.  Never doubt your beauty.

I have just learned that life is short, and you need to do what you truly love.  I love photography.  I love writing more.  I cannot sacrifice my writing time any longer. 
So here I am, sad but smiling.  Regretful but complete.  And excited for tomorrow.  This is a hard post to write.  But this is a good decision.  A good RID to rid.  Now, go after your own dreams no matter how hard they are to follow. 
And remember...Just smile.
Curious and want to see more of my work for the fun of it? GO HERE

A Public Announcement That I Do, In Fact, Exist

Hello.  My name is Jenni.  I used to actively post on this blog three days a week.  I would host giveaways, interview fellow writers, review books, share thoughts and tips.  Even talk about myself at times.  It was a magical time.
Then I disappeared.
I honestly think I let myself forget that this blog existed.  A lot of things fell on the wayside as life got a hold of me.  And now it has come to the point that I either need to discard this entire thing, or come back to it full force.
If you know me, you know I am not a quitter.
So...Hello world!  Jenni here!
Man, this actually feels fantastic.  I missed my blog.  We have gone through a lot together and I cannot wait to see where we go next.  I think the best next step for me would be to clear my head about the things that kept me away.  I will be doing it in a series of posts, just so I can keep them "short" (nobody wants to spend their entire day reading one post, right?)
To give you an idea of what is coming, here are the reasons I disappeared.  Or, since I am oh so very clever, The RID List (Because, you know, I am ridding myself of these reasons.  I know.  I am awesome):

1.  Photography.  Say cheese.

2.  Motherhood and all the exhaustion that comes with it.

3.  The Internet (Netflix, Facebook, and Pinterest, you evil yet awesome creations)

4.  Theatre.  You read that right.  Curtains, costumes and all.

5.  Lady Justice.  Yes, that book I wrote that is long past due for publication.

Intrigued?  I am too.  I still have to write the posts, which means I still have to have the epiphany about each subject.  But after lots of thinking, I have realized those 5 reasons are the biggest.  So here we go.  This may be interesting.  The first post will be up in the next day or two, depending on when RID #2, 3, and 4 let me sit to write.
As for tonight, I am going to sign out for now and let RID #3 win.(I know.  I am weak.  If you agree to not judge me, here is a photo of my cat smiling in her sleep.)

The Catastrophe Theory: A Progressive Story

Remember back in school, when you would write a sentence then pass it to your friend and they would add on?  You would take turns until some crazy, odd-ball story was created then you would giggle as you read the insanity of said story?
Well, we authors still do that.
The Hunt For Tomorrow was the digital scavenger hunt that led readers through 23 author stops and ended with an immense grand prize.  Part of that prize pack was letting the winner choose certain facts that we authors would then create into a progressive story.  
And we are doing it.
Each day, a new author posts a new chapter to the story, solely based off what has been written before.  There has honestly been no brainstorming, no planning.  Just a little bit of banter and the facts given to us by the Hunt winner.  We read the new chapter, then the next author has 24 hours to create the next installment.  That's it.   
It is insane.  We have no idea where this is going.  And we are loving it.
Today is Chapter 7.  And it is my turn.  If you have already been following along, read away.  If you are just getting started, go to Chapter 1 and enjoy!  
READ THE CATASTROPHE THEORY

The Hunt For Tomorrow WINNER

And the winner is...

Gayle Noble!
Thanks to everyone that participated. We hope you enjoyed The Hunt as much as we did.

The fun, however, is not over.
The progressive story begins this Wednesday. Each day, a chapter will be posted on this blog. All we're starting with is Gayle's title, trope and characters.

Title: The Catastrophe Theory
Trope: Technology Catastrophe
Characters: Jared, Eve and Cas

We have no idea where this is going...

20 authors.1 story.Begins July 23.


Shattered Worlds | What Tomorrow Will Bring | A Taste of Tomorrow

The Hunt For Tomorrow

ENTER THE HUNT
23 Authors.1 Grand Prize Winner.Tons of free stuff.
The Hunt will take you to 23 dystopian authors giving away ebooks, short stories and swag. Collect answers at each stop to enter the drawing at the end. The grand prize winner receives an autographed paperback from 22 authors, 3 dystopian digital boxed sets, and a progressive story written by all 23 authors.
Hurry.  The Hunt ENDS 11:59 PM, July 20th ESTFollow on Facebook
GET IN THE HUNT...

The Hunt For Tomorrow (Stop #8)

Welcome to THE HUNT FOR TOMORROW, a virtual scavenger hunt through 22 fictional dystopias.Stop #8

PRISON NATIONby Jenni Merritt
In the Nation, no one is innocent - not even the children born behind bars. Millie 942B has spent her entire life locked away with her criminal parents and countless other inmates. She believes in the Nation, in its strict laws and harsh punishments.

But when Millie is released on her eighteenth birthday, she finds things are nothing as she was taught. People vanish, never to be seen again. Lies cover every word. Trust is as fragile as ice.
And then there is Reed. Born and raised outside the Prison walls, his dreams and thoughts cause Millie to doubt everything she has ever believed.

What is truly worth fighting for? If she pushes too hard, she could lose her freedom. If she stays silent, she could lose herself. The clock is ticking, and Millie must find the truth before it is too late.

QUESTION: Who causes Millie to doubt everything she has ever believed about the Nation?

BONUS: Subscribe to my newsletter then email me at jennimerritt.writing(at)gmail(dot)com to enter.  TEN randomly selected subscribers will win a little stack of surprise swag.  Some of my own.  Some from other authors I have met.  Who knows what you will get!

SUBSCRIBE NOW

-> OFF YOU GO! STOP #9
(For more about The Hunt For Tomorrow, CLICK HERE)

Voight-Kampff Interview

Leon: Do you make up these questions, Mr. Holden, or do they write them down for you?Mr. Holden: They’re just questions, Leon.Subject: Kowalski, Leon ( Bladerunner )
It is finally my turn to answer some questions, as part of the What Tomorrow May Bring blog schedule.  Are you ready for this?

* HOW DID YOU GET YOUR START AS AN AUTHOR?I was obsessed with writing and reading all growing up and told most anyone who would listen that someday I was going to be an author.  Even though I loved it, I never seemed to get anything done though.  Until I discovered NaNoWriMo.  Yes, I am a NaNo Lover.  In one month, I had finally finished my first draft of a book and then did another and another and...
* HAVE YOU WRITTEN IN ANY OTHER GENRES BESIDES YA DYSTOPIAN?  WHAT DREW YOU TO THIS GENRE?So far my other WIPS consist of urban fantasy, paranormal, fairy tales....I am even growing the idea for my first contemporary piece.  I love stories too much to stay roped into one genre.  As to why I was drawn to dystopian: I love screwing with the idea of society then seeing what people do to fix it.  It is intriguing.  I fell in love with The Giver, then searched for years for more great dystopian reads.  The next step was obviously adding my own voice in with the collection.
* HOW DO YOU OVERCOME WRITER'S BLOCK?I tend to slam my head on my desk.  Stuff my face full of chocolate.  Get lost in Netflix and Facebook.  Wander aimlessly... Then I force myself to throw up words until the words finally start to make sense.
* WHAT IS THE FIRST SCIENCE FICTION BOOK YOU REMEMBER READING?Oh my...I believe it was A Tale of Time City.  I loved that book (and yes, I still reread it every so often.)
* IS THERE AN AUTHOR THAT YOU WOULD REALLY LIKE TO MEET?One??  Goodness, let's see... Orson Scott Card is a for sure.  Along with JK Rowling, Terry Goodkind, Steven King...
* LAPTOP OR DESKTOP FOR WRITING?Desktop for sure.  I have a laptop (am using it right now in fact) but there is something about sitting at my desktop with dual screens and spinny chair that gets my mind in working mode.
* DO YOU EVER WRITE IN YOUR PJ’S?As soon as I get the itch to write, the first thing I do is run to my room and throw on the nearest pair of jammies.  Some people wear suits to work.  Some wear vests with flair.  Authors wear PJs.  It is just a fact.

* WHERE DID YOUR TOMORROW SPRING FROM? IN OTHER WORDS, HOW DID YOU COME UP WITH THE CRAZY WORLD?A good friend of mine got charged for a crime.  Being as he couldn't afford an attorney, he got appointed one.  And even though he wasn't guilty for the crime, he got sentenced for it based on stipulations.  To make matters worse, his sentencing was protected under a measure that ensures mandatory sentences.  So there he was, no previous history, sentenced for a crime he wasn't guilty of, and thrown into prison for nearly eight years.  This got me thinking: What if it was always this way?  What if the jails ruled the country? Thus the book was born.
* DID YOU DO ANY SPECIFIC OR UNUSUAL RESEARCH FOR THIS BOOK? I did lots of research on prisons.  I even made friends with a fellow NaNo writer who used to work in a prison, and I scoured for any info I could get.  
* DO YOU WANT YOUR TOMORROW TO MAKE IT BIG, AS IN JK ROWLINGS-BIG? WHY OR WHY NOT?I love this book.  It was my debut novel.  It is my baby.  But I will be the first to admit that it isn't perfect.  Am I proud of it?  Darn right!  But if I were to make it big, I think I would prefer it to be off of one of my coming novels.  And let this book just be my little pride and joy.
* WHO SHOULD NOT READ YOUR BOOK?A few reviews have stated that my book seemed to be pushing some sort of agenda.  Honestly, it is just a book.  But if you can't handle thoughts that don't support prisons and society control...don't read this book.  But if you can: Read away!


Don't forget to snag your copy of  WHAT TOMORROW MAY BRING ,the YA Dystopian boxset, including Prison Nation.

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The Hunt For Tomorrow is Coming

   
THE HUNT FOR TOMORROW 22 AUTHORS. 3 DYSTOPIAN BOXED SETS. 1 MASSIVE EVENT. A virtual scavenger hunt through twenty-two fictional dystopias. Friday, July 18 at 6:00pm (EST) - Sunday, July 20 at 6:00pm (EST). Join THE HUNT FOR TOMORROW , an on-line scavenger hunt, and embark on a virtual odyssey through twenty-two dystopian futures. Become an intrepid scavenger and solve clues at each of the dystopian author stops as you navigate your way to the finish line where you’ll be entered into a random draw for the Grand Prize. For each correct answer collected along the way you’ll get an additional chance to win. During The Hunt, the authors will offer up their own exclusive material, sneak peeks, contests, and giveaways at their individual stops on The Hunt, giving all scavengers multiple chances to win bonus prizes. The twenty-two participating indie authors include best-selling, award-winning and emerging writers from the United States, Canada, and the United Kingdom who all have books included in three dystopian boxed sets - - What Tomorrow May Bring , A Taste Of Tomorrow , and Shattered Worlds . In a unique collaboration of story-telling, nineteen of the authors will write a progressive short story over nineteen days following The Hunt. The Grand Prize Winner of The Hunt For Tomorrow will name characters and contribute the title for this dystopian world, and all participants in The Hunt will receive an advance copy of the story for an exclusive period before it is made available as a free download. The Grand Prize also includes a signed copy of books included in the boxed sets, an ebook of all the boxed sets, and the first copy of this one-of-a-kind progressive story. THE HUNT FOR TOMORROW begins at http://huntfortomorrow.blogspot.com on Friday, July 18 at 6:00pm (EST) and ends on Sunday, July 20 at 6:00pm (EST). The Hunt is on for one weekend only, although there is no time-limit for completing the course. The Hunt is open to scavengers around the world; there is no cost to enter and one grand prize winner will be selected at random from all eligible entries. Go to THE HUNT FOR TOMORROW for details and the full list of participating authors. JOIN THE HUNT. JULY 18-20.  

Blast Giveaway $50 Amazon Gift Card or Paypal Cash Ends 7/20/14 Open only to those who can legally enter, receive and use an Amazon.com Gift Code or Paypal Cash. Winning Entry will be verified prior to prize being awarded. No purchase necessary. You must be 18 or older to enter or have your parent enter for you. The winner will be chosen by rafflecopter and announced here as well as emailed and will have 48 hours to respond or a new winner will be chosen. This giveaway is in no way associated with Facebook, Twitter, Rafflecopter or any other entity unless otherwise specified. The number of eligible entries received determines the odds of winning. Giveaway was organized by Kathy from I Am A Reader and sponsored by the publisher. VOID WHERE PROHIBITED BY LAW. a Rafflecopter giveaway

My Thoughts on Tomorrow GUEST POST: Megan Thomason

I am a huge fan of the dystopian genre and love to spend a lot of time thinking about societal extremes. The themes in daynight, many of which are very dark, are all designed to have readers think about parallels to our own society and where we need to draw lines.
The dystopia category is pretty broad these days. By definition a dystopian world must have deprivation, oppression, or terror. I prefer dystopias that explore interesting societal and moral dilemmas to catastrophic conditions/survival stories.
The very best dystopias most often have a well formed government enforcing extremes. I’m fascinated by these entities, and in particular:
- What events drove them to shift the way they governed? For example, in The Hunger Games the government instituted the games to punish and remind the districts of their former rebellion (and failure to succeed).
- What results are they looking to achieve? In 1984, the desired result was control over every action and thought. In Brave New World the government desired peaceful coexistence and happiness for its citizens.
- What methods do the governments use to achieve the desired result? The Capital in Hunger Games uses the games to terrorize its citizens into subservience, and tightly controls resources by segregating districts and limiting what each could produce. In 1984 the Inner Party uses surveillance (telescreens, microphones everywhere), controls information (rewriting history to support claims is the ultimate form of censorship), and all citizens are indoctrinated to be whistle-blowers on those committing ‘thought crimes’ (any thought contrary to the governmen). In Brave New World, the government breeds and then conditions (through their sleep) citizens to be in (and only desire to be in) a certain caste, to be sexually promiscuous, hate solitude, and to take the drug ‘soma’ if any contrary thought occurs.
Equally interesting is how the characters in the novel react to the dystopian government. Do they acquiesce? Do they rebel and in what ways? Outwardly? Inwardly? Each well done dystopia will have characters that question the status quo. Their actions will cause us to reflect upon our own, and how we would act in a similar situation. Katniss in The Hunger Games defies authority by bringing out a handful of berries and threatening to deprive the Capital of a winner and ultimately forcing them to back down and lose face. Winston and Julia in 1984 both commit thought crimes and engage in an illicit affair, but are outed by an informant and tortured into both subservience to Big Brother and betraying each other. John (the Savage) in Brave New World is so disgusted when he caves to societal immorality that he takes extreme measures to escape.
daynight came about as I hiked the canyons of San Diego on a particularly hot day and pondered what would happen if temperatures were so extreme that days and nights had to be switched. This became the impetus for Thera, the main setting for daynight. I mentally brewed the concepts of dark and light, and what kind of government would rule the dark, and The Second Chance Institute (SCI) was born.
The SCI is an interesting entity. They are in the business of providing second chances. But instead of nurturing and fostering the downtrodden, they use the Second Chancers as science experiments for new political ideas they want to push on Earth. One such idea, Cleaving is an extreme enforcement of morality. If two people have sex, they’re automatically Cleaved, a forced lifetime union. Violation of Cleaving results in exile or death.
Some of the things that went through my mind that I intended readers to think about while reading daynight were:
Freedom of being able to do whatever we want vs. consequences of our choicesWhen is it appropriate for the government to intervene in moral issues?How should the government enforce rules? What is acceptable/not acceptable for enforcement?When does ‘research’ cross the line? Is it ever okay to have test groups, when subjects don’t know they are a part of the research? Does our government “use” certain segments of our population to press their agendas?Can altruistic purposes get so skewed they are no longer altruistic? The SCI claims to be giving people a second chance at life. Despite this being true and seemingly noble, is it okay if they are only do it to further their own agenda, and not to truly benefit the Second Chancers?Is there ever an appropriate time for a government to play Big Brother (as in 1984)? Does our government do this to us? Where’s the line between societal protection and personal violation?Don’t worry…the daynight series is not all serious. There is plenty of entertainment with highly flawed main characters, compelling love interests, despicable antagonists, lots of action, surprises, twists and turns.


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Bestselling, award-winning author Megan Thomason lives in paradise aka San Diego, CA with her husband and five children. A former software manager, Megan vastly prefers writing twisted tales to business, product, and marketing plans. When she isn't typing away on her laptop, she's reading books on her phone--over 600 in the last year--or attending to the needs of her family. Megan's fluent in sarcasm, could potentially benefit from a 12-step program for road rage, struggles with a Hot Tamales addiction, loves world travel & fast cars and hates paperwork & being an insomniac.