Jennifer Wilck's Blog, page 61

Why I Don’t Use My Office

I am a mom and I stay home with my kids. So, yes, I’m a “stay-at-home” mom. I raised my kids full-time; played with them, fed them, got them to nap, arranged play dates and carpools. Now that they’re older, I oversee homework and afterschool activities, often schlepping them back and forth multiple times a day. I’m also a working mom. In addition to the work I do for my family, I write. And sometimes I even get paid for it (I know, it surprises the heck out of me too). So, having seen life from both sides of the fence, I feel perfectly qualified to weigh in on the debate between stay-at-home moms and “working” moms. [image error]

I’ve read many articles and blogs written by both overworked groups. We’re all tired. No one sleeps and everyone feels guilty. I’ve even read the materials written by the underappreciated stay-at-home dads and working dads. They’re feeling left out. But no one, no one, has addressed one very important, and completely overlooked issue: who gets the home office. Believe me, this is HUGE!

In my house, we have an extra room on the main floor of our house that we’ve made into the home office. This was my husband’s favorite (read, “only”) room to set up and he long ago claimed it as his. The justification? He should, rightfully, be allowed final say in at least one room of the house when it comes to decorating, especially since at the time, he was the one using it the most often. I agreed. And he started out well. He agonized for days until he found the perfect desk. It’s a roll-top, and is big enough to fit a person inside—trust me, I’ve tried it (as has my daughter). But it’s very nice looking. He’s a collector of antique maps, and when we first decorated the office, he hung a bunch of them up and made it look very refined. With deep red walls and built-in bookshelves, it had that old-timey feel to it. If you walked into our office, you might think we were super-sophisticated. Erudite even.

And then, other things took over. He’s a big Philadelphia fan, so Phillies and Eagles paraphernalia have crept in. Banners, autographed memorabilia, photos of the kids in their various fan clothes. He also loves Star Wars, and since I don’t want the rest of my house to look like something out of Tatoine (hah!), all his Star Wars stuff has found a home there.

Now, I wouldn’t mind that the office is his. Really, he deserves a place that’s his own. He puts up with a lot of crap from me and everyone needs an oasis in their home where they can relax. But, um, did I mention that I’m a “stay-at-home” mom who also works? And gets paid (still can’t believe that one)? Well, I kind of need a place to do that. So I’ve tried using the office. I mean, think about it. It’s a home office. I’m the one who’s home. Seems kind of a no-brainer that I should work there.

That desk that’s big enough to hide a person? Well, my husband is kind enough to let me use it. He even lets me keep a pile of stuff on it—providing my pile remains neat and orderly and out of his way. It’s the one and only time my husband says anything about being neat, so I really have to comply. Except that when it comes to paperwork and writing and doing work, I’m not neat at all. The rest of my house is, but for some reason I can’t manage it in a work environment. So I spread. And he moves my piles. And I try to make them neat and I fail. So I moved my paperwork out of the office and into the kitchen.

The office has two lovely chairs. One is a desk chair that I insisted on us buying after the old one nearly decimated my back. It’s great. Only I never use it. The other is a recliner chair that was coined “mine.” I rarely use that either. Instead, I sit at the dining room table or on the family room sofa. I’ve found I am more productive when I move back and forth between the two. Both of the locations give me a great view out the window, enabling me to procrastinate and dream.

I’ve tried suggesting that I should get to decorate it to my liking, now that I’m the one who can potentially use it more. Two main problems with that—one, all the stuff that’s been relegated to the office would have to spread to the rest of the house and two, I’ve just published publically that I don’t really use the office at all.

So, for now, I’m giving the office to my husband. It can be his man cave (I’m not sure man caves have Star Wars action figures, but…). I’ll wander the rest of the house, finding the most comfortable spots to write. Besides, it just means I’ve got one less room to actually clean!

Six Sentence Sunday

Another six from Skin Deep:

He stopped in the doorway, heart pounding, as sweat began to bead on his brow. He stood taller than the entrance and had to duck his head down and to the side at an odd angle, but he couldn’t make himself enter the trailer, even for his own comfort. He stood there, his hands like claws on the door frame, his feet spread wide, and his body braced for impact as he imagined those hands on his face and her reaction to his true self. Like an old filmstrip, he watched flickering images flash in his mind: her eyes wide with horror, her head thrown back in laughter, her nostrils flared in disdain. The smell of grease-paint and talc overwhelmed him and he grimaced, his lips spread wide over clenched teeth. The sound of her voice reverberated through his skull like a bullet and he spun around and fled.

It’s available from Whiskey Creek Press and Amazon.

The Next Big Thing: The Seduction of Esther, contemporary romance

10 Interview questions for The Next Big Thing.

Stephanie Burkhart tagged me for “The Next Big Thing” blog hop. Thanks Steph! You can find her blog here.

The Rules: I answer 10 questions about my next work in progress. I tag 3-5 other authors and if they choose to participate, they post their interview on their own blogs on October 3.

So, here goes!

What is the working title of your book?

The Seduction of Esther

Where did the idea come from for the book?

I wanted to write a romance with Jewish characters that wasn’t chick lit. Since I centered the book around the Jewish holiday of Purim, the title just worked (Esther is the heroine of Purim).

What genre does your book fall under?

Contemporary romance

Which actors would you choose to play your characters in a movie?

Mark Feuerstein for the character of Nathaniel—I watch Royal Pains and pictured him from the very beginning as the hero. I think for the heroine, it would be Amy Irving, but from years ago (Crossing Delancey), not now. She’s who I picture for my character, Samara.

What is a one sentence synopsis of your book?

It’s the story of two people who are so busy keeping their inner selves hidden from others, they need to learn that love can only flourish out in the open.

Will your book be self published or represented by an agency?

I’m hoping to get an agent to represent it. If not, I’ll send it to publishers myself. I don’t plan to self-publish—I want to have more time to focus on writing.

How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript?

About 8 months, I think.

What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?

I’m not sure exactly. There don’t seem to be a lot of contemporary romances with Jewish themes and characters, which is one of the reasons I wanted to write this book. Outside of my genre, I’d compare it to Faye Kellerman’s Peter Decker series.

Who or what inspired you to write this book?

I’ve read and seen a lot of books centered around Christmas, or with weddings that take place in a church. They’re not necessarily religious, but they are definitely written with Christian characters as the “normal.” I’ve enjoyed them, but as a Jewish woman, I wanted to read a different perspective. I didn’t necessarily want the religion of the characters to stand out, but to seem normal or natural. I was watching my kids perform in our temple’s Purim play and realized that the holiday would be a great one to write about, because one of the themes of the holiday is hiding one’s identity. That’s a great theme for a romance, regardless of religion, because you’ve got a built-in conflict.

What else about your book might interest the reader?

My characters are fun and have great chemistry together. Samara Goldberg is the choir director of a large synagogue in New York City. Her voice has power and grace and is filled with emotion. When she sings, she commands everyone who listens to her. When she’s attracted to a man, however, she’s a klutz. She tries to hide this flaw from everyone, and doesn’t think anyone will be attracted to her if they see the real her. Nathaniel Abramson is a divorced, single dad and lawyer. His first wife cheated on him and created a public scandal when she had an affair with the president of his former temple. He hates being made a spectacle of and will do anything to keep himself out of the limelight. He won’t let another woman make a fool of him again. Plus, the holiday of Purim is a joyous celebration and there’s even a play within the story. So there’s a lot going on and it’s a great read!

There you go. Now I’m tagging Lila Munro and John Lindermuth. Be sure to check out their posts on October 3!

Sunshine Blog Award

[image error]My friend, Paula Martin, asked me to answer a set of questions as part of the Sunshine Blog award. With all the Jewish holidays and craziness from the start of school, I’d love to have an easy blog post! Besides, she’s the one who invited me to be part of the Heroines With Hearts blog, and it always pays to listen to your fellow writers [image error] So, here are 8 things you may or may not have ever wanted to know about me:

What is your favorite Christmas/festive movie?

Ha, this question is a little ironic if you know me. Well, I don’t really watch Christmas movies—I used to watch the kiddie ones when I was little, and my kids enjoy them. I get very excited when I see Chanukah specials on kid shows (like Blues Clues, etc.) because we never had them when I was little. I’m a big fan of old movies, so if I have to pick a movie in this category, I’d have to say It’s A Wonderful Life.

What is your favorite flower?

My favorite flower is anything my husband brings home  I like carnations, because my dad always used to buy them for me on my birthday. Otherwise, I really like hydrangeas. Oh, and I hate lilies.

What is your favorite non-alcoholic beverage?

That’s easy—Diet Coke. It’s my whole reason for eating lunch.

What is your passion?

I’d have to say writing, but some days it’s so hard that I can’t imagine doing anything but throwing my computer against a wall. But on the good days, yeah, writing.

What is your favorite time of year?

I like spring and fall the best. The weather is beautiful and the colors of fall and spring are vibrant. I always feel more hopeful and energetic at those times of year.

What is your favorite time of day?

My newly discovered favorite time of day is the half hour right before my kids get up. I’ve started getting up early and sitting with a cup of tea to relax before the day starts. While I’m definitely tired, it really makes a difference in my stress levels and the day seems so much longer and more productive when I do this.

What is your favorite physical activity?

Horseback riding and dancing, both of which I did as a child.

What is your favorite vacation?

I don’t have a particular favorite. Any break from the routine is nice, and if my family is with me, it’s even better!

I’m not passing this along to anyone in particular, but if you’re reading this and would like to answer these questions and link to your own blog, go for it!

Six Sentence Sunday–I’m Back!

It’s been quite a while since I last posted for Six Sentence Sunday. Really sorry about that! Here’s another 6 sentences from Skin Deep:

She met his gaze and he leaned down. His breath warmed her and filled the space between them with a pulsating force. She longed for him to take her in his arms, to press his body against hers. The smell of his shampoo drifted toward her and she saw his veins pulse at his temples. He intoxicated her, and she wanted nothing more than to lose herself in his embrace. Instead, he pulled away. Disappointment soared through her and her face burned.

Want to view more Six Sentence entries? Click here.

Before You Hit That “Send” Button

A classmate of my daughter has cancer. I received an email. Someone died after a long illness. I received a text. An acquaintance made a “pseudo-sexual” joke with/about me. I read it on Facebook.

We are busier than ever, more social than ever. Between our personal lives, our professional lives and the demands created by both, we barely have time to breathe, let alone talk to people. The time we do have is precious and we prioritize how we wish to spend it. Many of us fill that limited time with family and good friends. Others fill it by volunteering or by trying to make the world a better place. Still others fill it with sleep. Connections, real ones, are hard to make.

As a child, I spent hours on the phone with my friends. I spent summer days and evenings with those same people. We filled our time together. My daughters spend their time texting their friends. Texting enables them to keep in touch with camp friends around the country, but it doesn’t, and shouldn’t, replace face-to-face communication and bonding. They get that in the summer, during their “no-phones-allowed-at-summer-camp-time.”

In some ways, computers have made it easier to connect to people. Think of how many old friends and acquaintances you’ve rediscovered on Facebook; how many new people you’ve met via Twitter. At the same time, social media has made people so aware of each others’ lives that there is no longer any need for small talk. In some cases, social interaction is becoming more awkward—we know almost too much about each other and we know it immediately. We follow them and assume that by doing so, we’re best friends.

We are becoming dependent on instant gratification. There is less expectation to slowly learn about people, to gradually reveal ourselves to each other, to enjoy the puzzle that each person is. And with that increased speed, comes carelessness.

Everyone learns to mind their tongues, to think before they speak. We’re not all perfect at it; far from it. But when we talk to people, we see the affect our words have by the looks on their faces. We can modulate our tones and we have more time to dig ourselves out of any hole we might inadvertently have dug ourselves.

Some of us are better with the written word than the spoken word. I, for one, am. I can never think of appropriate comebacks when engaged in a verbal argument with someone. Put me in front of the keyboard, though, and my fingers fly. And that is a definite benefit of using computers (or their equivalent) to converse with people. In theory, we have more time to consider what we want to say. We have a delete key to get rid of mistakes. We can rewrite multiple times until it’s just right.

But too often, we don’t do that. We assume that because we’re friends with someone via social media, we “know” them and know them well enough to joke with them in ways that may be inappropriate. Only the best of the best writers can convey tone in their written words, and I’ve yet to see anyone do it well when confined to 140 characters or less. We spread news via email or text because it’s faster and we can reach more people concurrently. I get that. I appreciate being kept informed. But sometimes, instead of humanizing a situation, texting and emails can actually dehumanize it. It takes away some of the emotion, some of the dimension.

People need to learn when, how and why to communicate. It’s not as easy as it sounds. We have to second and even third guess ourselves. We have to put ourselves in the other person’s shoes, consider all possible reactions, and then pause before we hit send. Immediacy is great. Group information is great. Jokes, when handled well, are funny. But not everything that enters one’s head should pass immediately through our fingertips and into cyberspace.

Sometimes, our words need our voice.

Peace…For Now

Remember when you were a kid and you’d play outside? Well, my friends and I used to love to find a big grassy hill, trudge to the top of it and roll down it. We’d do this over and over and over again, until the soft, cool grass was trampled beneath us, grass stains were ground into our clothes (sorry Mom), and our equilibrium was completely lost. We’d laugh together and race each other to the bottom. As we tumbled down, we’d go faster and faster, barely noticing the rocks and twigs beneath us, until we collapsed into a heap at the bottom.

Well, it’s now the end of the summer, school starts in a week, and I feel once again like I’m rolling down a hill. Only this time, I’m not rolling faster and faster. No, for some reason, I’m defying the laws of physics and my rate of rolling increases and decreases for no apparent reason. I don’t know, maybe this hill is more like a terrace, a big decline broken up by plateaus.

The summer is definitely racing by us and I find myself equally happy and sad. It’s been a wonderfully relaxing one. My kids’ time at camp flew and before I knew it they were home. Without many plans for the second half, I anticipated the time dragging. Sometimes it did, but more often than not, the weeks still flew. We relaxed at the pool, went shopping and took some day trips. Some days dragged (the plateaus) and some didn’t, even if we did nothing. And now, suddenly, we’re at the end.

We’ve done very little to prepare for the upcoming school year, yet I don’t feel pressured to do it. Our supply shopping is done (for now; there will be many more trips once classes actually start) and they have enough clothes to at least not show up that first week or so naked. But the list I made of things to accomplish this summer never really got tackled. Maybe I didn’t want to listen to complaints as I made my kids do things—there will be enough of that during the school year. Maybe I was too lazy to do any of it on my own. Whatever the reason, the list still exists; I’ll just have to change the title from “Summer List” to “Back to School List.”

There are a lot of things that will start up again this fall and the anticipation is building. Yet, most of those things can’t be done yet. I’ve started booking afterschool activities, although I can’t finalize many of them until I know more information—again, the fits and starts.

I haven’t done much writing since my kids have gotten home. There are lots of ideas floating in my head, and I know exactly what I have to tackle, but until they’re out of the house for a productive amount of time, I just can’t sit down and concentrate. And by the time they go to bed, I’m too tired to think.

My organizational/volunteer work is also starting to ramp up, but again, in fits and starts, as some people’s summer vacations have not yet ended and once again, it’s a “hurry up and wait” mode for a lot of it. And even if I’m more of the “hurry up” rather than the “and wait” kind of person, my kids and their needs prevent me from doing much.

It’s nice having the freedom of rolling down that hill more slowly. It’s less stressful and provides just enough variety to keep me interested. It almost reminds me of the freedom I had as a child to do basically what I wanted when I wanted, like my kids do now. Only, like them, I didn’t appreciate it at the time. Back then, I remember being bored if I didn’t have exciting adventures planned all the time. Sleep was something I avoided as much as possible, and just “being” was not for me.

Today, I’m planning to take advantage of the last remnants of free time I have left. And the next time my kids say, “I’m bored,” I may just say, “Me too,” smile, and walk away.

I’m Tired of Idiots

When I was growing up, I was taught to work hard, no matter how much I might have been made fun of for being smart. My friends and I were shown that intelligence was valued, good grades ensured success, and smart was sexy (well, when we got older [image error] ). Looking around, reading the news, listening to the politicians, I have to say I’m not sure any of that is true anymore.

I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m tired of the stupid people running the world. Even more than that, though, I’m tired of the smart people hiding out and letting the idiots run the show.

• If you don’t understand the human body, you shouldn’t be allowed to regulate it.

• Women are people, not blow-up dolls that can be taken out for your pleasure and thrust back in the closet when you’re tired of looking at us.

• Just because someone has a different belief system than you do, does not mean they are wrong.

• Political debate is healthy; vitriol is not.

• If you don’t stop worrying about getting elected, rather than doing what’s right, pretty soon, it won’t matter anymore.

• There is no such thing as killing in the name of God. Killing is wrong, no matter what.

• Politicians who spend all their time attacking their political enemies have neither the energy nor the resources to develop policies that are beneficial to anyone.

• Finger pointing is immature and distracting.

• There can never be enough medical research or education. Ever.

• Balancing budgets—personal, organizational, state or federal, is important. Very.

It’s time we stopped letting the idiots take control. It’s time we stopped following the loud ones, and started following the smart ones. It’s time for the smart people to step out of the shadows. This isn’t a popularity contest. This isn’t a “wisdom will come later” situation. The “right time” for the smart people to step up is now.

My Last Word On Camp

Now that the summer is over and the kids have not only returned home from Jewish sleepaway camp, but adjusted to life at home, I’ve had a chance to look back at their experience—or what I’ve heard of it—and draw some conclusions.

Home adjustment takes some time. They miss their camp friends and their school friends are in the middle of their own summer activities. They have been busy with activities 24 hours a day, and now have to come up with things to do on their own. The countdown to next year begins.

My kids, both girls, tell me a lot of what goes on at camp. The first weeks home are filled with stories about their friends, their counselors and their experiences. They write me lots of letters (although honestly, they don’t say a whole lot) and therefore, I have lots of questions—I’ve learned that most of the things in their letters that fill me with anxiety are a lot less serious when heard in person. They compete with each other to tell the most stories, in some cases, multiple times.

Despite the fact that I, personally, am not a camp person, I have seen that camp has been a wonderful experience for my children. They’d grown emotionally, religiously and socially. They’ve learned about the importance of taking care of others, of their environment and each other (at least temporarily—the fighting will commence in three, two, one…). They’ve adjusted to being away from home, figured out ways to alleviate homesickness, and crafted letters that I will keep forever (some of those I plan to pull out and show to whomever decides to marry them). They’ve survived for a month without cell phones, email or texting (and managed to understand FINALLY that the US Postal Service takes longer than Verizon Wireless).

However, despite all of these wonderful lessons, there are a few that I truly believe they could do without. In no particular order:

Piercings: My 13 year old would like a double piercing in her ear. I’ve informed her that I won’t allow it until she’s on her own (yes, I’m mean; no, I don’t care). I thought that was the end of it. I was wrong. A new girl at camp this year had multiple body piercings—tongue, cartilage, wrist, etc. While my daughter doesn’t want all of those, she now has several more that she does want. This I could have done without.

Boyfriends: My 11 year old’s friends all had them. Now, I’m not quite sure what one does with a boyfriend when you’re 11. I probably don’t want to know. But really, 11? I’ve heard many stories about what older camp kids do, and they make me shudder. I don’t want to send my daughters to an all-girls camp and I want them to have great relationships with kids, regardless of gender. I just am not quite sure I want to start the “boyfriend” thing so early.

Boobs: Yes, you read that right. There’s much I could say on this topic. Let me JUST say that I received a letter from one of my daughters saying, “You’d like my counselors this year, Mom. None of them have talked about, or shown us, their boobs.” Now that’s a GREAT recommendation!

Cursing: I’m a little confused here. The brochures and DVDs highlighting the camp did not show sailors, longshoremen or construction workers. They showed a beautiful campus in the Poconos with hundreds of children engaging in all kinds of great activities. So why, WHY are my children returning home talking like them?

They continue to tell me all sorts of stories, and ninety-nine percent of them are positive about their time at camp. And in case you’re wondering, yes, I’m sending them back next year. I do have one question though: There have been many studies about the benefits of Jewish sleepaway camp. I wonder how many studies have been done about the relationship between attending Jewish sleepaway camp and being subsequently sent to a convent?

The 7777 Challenge

My friend, Paula Martin, who is one of the writers of a blog I contribute to (Heroines With Hearts), tagged me in her blog post, 7777 Challenge. I’m supposed to post seven lines from an unpublished work by following these rules:

Go to page 7 or 77 of your current manuscript

Go to line 7

Post the next 7 lines or sentences on your blog as they are (no cheating)

Tag 7 other authors to do the same.

I’m hesitant to show people what I write, but I guess I’ll have to be brave sometime. So, here goes. The following lines are from page 77 of my WIP (work in progress), The Seduction of Esther.

He’d been so busy helping her clean up her messes, he’d forgotten to guard his heart. When he’d realized, he’d panicked and backed away. And somehow, she’d figured it out and had let him know he had nothing to fear from her. She was beautiful, Did he dare pursue something with her? Was he ready for the gossip? What would he say to Mike?

So, thank you to Paula for tagging me. And here are seven authors I’m tagging:

Anne Holly

James Allder

Nancy Herkness

Lila Munro

Debra St. John

Jessica Lauryn

Alix Cameron

Check them out, they’re awesome!