Garret Kramer's Blog, page 19

Slings and Arrows

If I understand anything about my own work—teaching, writing, and speaking about the fact that there is not a true connection between our feelings, the circumstances of our lives, and our ability to perform—it’s that when you challenge a common mode of thinking you will be ridiculed. Slings and arrows will come your way. Not a day goes by when a psychologist, researcher, scientist, or coach doesn’t come down on me like a ton of bricks. Here’s an example from a sport psychologist’s Twitter account:

“.@garretkramer just said that to hit a quality golf shot, belief in yourself at that moment isn’t necessary. The dude is clueless.”

What I’ve learned, however, is that this actually means that I’m getting somewhere. People will get their dander up to the extent that their faulty belief systems are questioned. And while it’s not always easy, when that happens, it’s simply my assignment to hold firm. To stick to truth. To not pander. In fact, to me, it’s not about the critics anyway. It’s God who’s challenging me. He’s making sure that I have what it takes to be part of the paradigm shift that’s coming in the arenas of psychology and self-help. Plus, when a clear-thinking soul reaches out and thanks or encourages me, this is God’s way of saying: “Keep going, you’re on the right path.”

Throughout the history of mankind, the greatest change agents have always been the most persecuted (Jesus Christ, King, Mandela, Gandhi). So, what about you? Do you have what it takes, or are you falling in line? The masses will never change the world for the better. Consciousness is spread by a fortunate few.

Instant Truth

Here’s an interesting personal story about the power of truth, and how you just never know.

Recently, I received a call from the lawn-care company we use at home. The company wasn’t happy with the condition our yard and offered to aerate it for free. I responded, “Thanks, but can you just aerate the problem areas? Our two dogs run all over the place, and I don’t want them tracking the remnants of your work into the house.” The person on the other end of the line agreed.

Flash forward to that Saturday when the work was performed. Well, it rained the night before, and contrary to our agreement, they worked on the entire property. As a result, there was mud everywhere—including in the house from the dogs. What a mess.

I immediately called Dave, the owner of the company. In a calm but firm tone I insisted that they come out and clean up their mess. His first words to me were: “We’re not trying to aggravate you, Mr. Kramer, but . . .”

I replied, “Dave, let’s get something straight—you have no ability to aggravate me.”

Dave got silent for a few seconds and then quietly said, “We’ll make this right tomorrow.”

A few days passed, and since Dave’s workers had finished the clean up, I called Dave to thank him. His response this time caught me completely off guard: “What you told me on our last call hit me right between the eyes. At first, I thought you were being sarcastic, but then something changed. I realized that I can’t cause my clients to be angry, and they can’t cause me to be angry. I’ve been reflecting on what this means all week. My mind’s on fire. It’s amazing.”

I pressed on: “So what does it mean?”

“It means that nothing or nobody can make me feel a certain way. And when I saw that, I instantly felt better.”

“Me too, brother. If you ever want to talk more on the subject, let me know.”

“I’ll call you next week,” Dave said. “I can’t thank you enough.”

“Ditto!”

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It happens every time: When people wake up to the power of looking within for answers, they reconnect with truth and self-correct—as peace, resilience, and love automatically flood in.

The Five Myths of “Thinking” Like a Champion

In my work with sports teams, high-performing athletes, and organizations, it’s becoming more and more standard for me to address falsehoods propagated by mental-performance coaches. These coaches mean well; they want to help their clients think like champions. But, unfortunately, most of them believe in the widespread and longstanding myths that actually hurt, rather than help, performance.

In this spirit, here are the five most common myths and the truth that will help you feel and perform your best.

Myth 1: Mental strategies are beneficial.

Mental strategies require you to think. And, as anyone who has ever been in “the zone” would attest, we’re at our best when we’re not deliberately thinking. The truth is that everyone feels and performs better from mental clarity—and you can’t find a clear mind by strategically adding thought.

Myth 2: To be your best you must eliminate doubt and fear.

Many of the greatest performances of all time began with the performer admitting that he or she was feeling insecure and anxious. Doubt and fear are part of being human. You can’t defeat them. Trying to do so only adds more thought into an already cluttered mind. Remember: Doubt and fear will fade when you carry on, avoid the temptation to eliminate them (cope), and allow your mind to clear.

Myth 3: Confidence can be developed.

The pervasive theory that confidence is the result of how you perform, or that confidence can be cultivated, is backwards. Regardless of what’s happening on the outside, confidence results from the ebb and flow of thought. Clarity breeds confidence, clutter the opposite. Both are normal.

Myth 4: Focus requires focus

Like confidence, a feeling of focus (or being present) is the byproduct of clarity of mind. Trying to focus requires thought and hard work. And thought and hard work clutter the mind, reducing the sensation of focus. Focus can’t be forced. Allow the mind to clear and the need to focus easily falls away.

Myth 5: Thinking can be controlled.

This myth is the ultimate performance killer. It’s where most performers, mental coaches, and psychologists get off track. In truth: When you understand that you are not in control of your thinking, negative thoughts and feelings lose their grip. Understanding thought, not controlling or managing it, is where your power as a performer (and human being) lies.

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There’s the list. As you can see, the less you rely on the theories and strategies of others—and the more you appreciate your inborn ability to self-correct—the better you will feel and perform.

Any questions, as always, you know where to find me.

Garret

Bolstering the Illusion

Extreme good fortune. That’s how I describe the fact that, for whatever reason, many years ago God hit me with this revelation: What I (and all people) feel on the inside is not the result of what’s happening—or has happened, or might happen—on the outside. When this revelation hit, five things instantaneously changed for me:

No matter how it appeared, it no longer made sense to attribute my feelings to the circumstances of my life (one day I felt fine, one day I didn’t, and most of the time my life hadn’t changed one bit).
No matter how bad I felt, it no longer made sense to cope with my feelings or my life.
I realized that the human mind was innately wired to self-correct.
I realized that (while they’re doing their best to help) most counselors, therapists, and mental coaches don’t understand numbers 1 through 3.
I decided to spend the rest of my life reversing the misunderstanding revealed in numbers 1 through 4.

This is no small task.

Why? Because at our spiritual core everyone knows what became clear to me (our feelings are generated from within), yet feelings looks so much like they’re the result of circumstance. Indeed, the clash between what we know and what we perceive is enough to drive anyone insane. Plus, adding to the insanity is what I alluded to in number 4: Most self-help experts are bolstering the illusion that feelings are the result of circumstance. The self-help world prods us to look outside when we feel troubled. It urges us to analyze why we feel this way. And it provides us with coping strategies touted as cures. Ugh!

There is hope, however. There are folks from all walks of life who are rising above the illusion. They’re pointing us toward our own thinking and innate ability to self-correct. Preachers and authors. Musicians and garbage haulers. Athletes and artists. The traditionally trained and those with no training at all. Men, women, and children. Especially children. Their inborn resilience shines like a beacon.

The bottom line is that it’s now time for all of us to stop bolstering the outside-in illusion. If you’re a self-help professional who hears a calling to stop doling out excuses and quick fixes—listen. I promise you’ll still have plenty to talk about with your clients. If you’re a person in crisis, the only long-term solution is to look within and reconnect. Again, it’s okay and normal for it to look like your feelings come from the outside. What’s never okay or helpful is that you buy into this trick of the mind and blame, force, or try to fix.

It’s about our evolution, folks. About bringing out our best and saving the human race. Feelings come from the inside and are remedied there, too. Anything else is simply an illusion, and illusions are never true.

The “Mental Game,” Thirty Common Misconceptions

What follows are the thirty most common misconceptions about mental performance, and coaching the mental game, that I’ve come across over the past few weeks. I’ve listed them without further explanation with hope that you’ll reflect on each and draw your own conclusions.

1. A mental coach’s job is to impart information or strategy.

2. A mental coach’s job is to teach personal beliefs.

3. An environment, circumstance, or person can cause a feeling within a player.

4. Bad feelings within a player need to be fixed.

5. Bad feelings within a player can be fixed.

6. Experienced players have an advantage over inexperienced players.

7. Players choose to be positive or negative.

8. Body language can or should be controlled.

9. Thinking can or should be controlled.

10. Thinking about something (a family member, a past success) can improve one’s mood.

11. Outcomes can create confidence or insecurity within a player.

12. Willpower or hard work is the same thing as passion.

13. Passion is caused by environment.

14. Deliberately adhering to a routine (daily, pre-game, pre-shot) causes anything but clutter.

15. Focusing on process is better than focusing on outcomes.

16. Mental skills must be practiced.

17. Mental skills are even a thing.

18. Mental toughness is a thing.

19. Tough love is a thing.

20. Negativity is contagious.

21. Preparation creates confidence.

22. Distractions can be minimized.

23. Change takes time.

24. A player is only as good as what he thinks about himself or herself.

25. Players can actually practice game situations.

26. Players can strategically visualize, calm down, be positive, or meditate.

27. Focused players are conscious players.

28. Breathing techniques should be practiced.

29. Something other than a player’s psychological immune system causes clarity of mind.

30. Spirit, Soul, Truth, and God have no place in coaching the mental game.

As always, I welcome questions, comments, and additions to the list.

Garret

Mental Performance: Where I Stand, Right Now

Over the weekend, it occurred to me to pause and take a good look at my current perspective on the human mind and how it relates to performance. The following fifteen bullet points were the result.

Our feelings stem from thought. They’re not the result of environment, circumstance, or the behavior of someone else.
Because every person alive owns a psychological immune system, when troubled our minds are designed to self-correct to clarity, calm, and perspective.
We can manipulate a thought once it pops into our heads, but we have no direct power over when it comes or when it goes.
Coping strategies don’t work because they require exactly what they’re designed to get rid of: overthinking.
Coping strategies are designed to fix something that’s not broken: the roller-coaster nature of the human mind.
Confidence (a symptom of clarity) causes improved performance. Improved performance does not cause confidence.
Competiveness and stillness are not antonyms.
Wisdom is knowing that you don’t have all the answers—and that’s perfectly okay.
Passion beats hard work every time.
The best coaches have fewer team rules, not more.
A true teacher brings out one’s inner wisdom; he or she does not impart it.
Unlike theories or concepts, truth doesn’t require data, percentages, research, or fact-check. Once truth lands in your lap, you just know.
Love is the epitome of a clear mind. It’s the one thing in life that doesn’t require thought.
While it often looks as if we’re in control of outcomes, there’s actually a greater spiritual intelligence at work behind the scenes. We, therefore, are truly free.
Every person alive is searching for a good feeling. Sadly, very few know where a good feeling is found.

There’s the list. Please reach out with any questions, or to offer any additions (thanks to Adrian Lucas for his comments which became part of this article). I look forward to hearing from you.

Garret

When Struggle Strikes

In my experience, people behave one of two ways when struggle strikes: They look outside and grind for causes and cures; or they take meditative timeouts seeking peace of mind. Unfortunately, in either case, they’re lessening the odds of ending their struggle. In fact, they usually end up perpetuating it (e.g., a slump in sports).

Here’s why: Human beings aren’t built to deliberately do “something,” or behave a certain way, in order to find a good feeling. Doing something requires thought, and too much thought in our heads is the reason we struggle in the first place.

There is, however, a surprising—yet intuitive—option that few of us consider: We can actually not try to end our struggle. Rather, we can carry on, simply live, or tend to our crafts with best effort. Since this option requires no deliberate thought, it allows the mind to clear. Clarity of mind then allows the wisdom within us (answers) to rise and fill the space.

Remember: If you feel down and are compelled to do something to fix the feeling (cope)—don’t. The only thing that can end a struggle is your God-given propensity to self-correct. My recommendation: Stay out of its way.

The Spirit of Thought

The key to peace of mind is understanding that you don’t control your mind. As I’ve often said: “You’re not in charge of your thinking—or the feelings that follow.” Now, assuming that I’m correct, where does your thinking come from? Who or what determines the ebb and flow of thought and then feelings?

At the risk of sounding far-fetched, the answer is spirit, or the intelligence of the universe. In principle, thought is governed by a higher power. And the more you wake up to this principle, the more peace of mind you will experience in your day-to-day life.

Now, what gets tricky for most people is that because it looks as if feelings are the result of specific life events, they habitually blame their feelings on these life events (and not to thought’s spiritual ebb and flow). In the process, they separate themselves from the higher power that’s truly pulling the strings. They become lost.

Here’s the heart of my message: You’re not driving the bus—you are the bus. You can try to take control of your thinking. You can try to strategically alter, medicate, or quell your feelings. But it will never work. Instead, when a disquiet mindset occurs, the only answer is to carry on, stay in the game, and simply live. When you realize that you’re not meant to to pull the emergency brake and cope, bad feelings will lose their grip in no time.

Where Answers Come From

Following Troy Merritt’s win at last week’s event on the PGA tour, many were quick to point out that he had missed the cut in his proceeding five tournaments. These same writers and experts also expressed the opinion that never giving up, or grinding away, was the reason that Merritt found what he was looking for: a slight tweak to his hand position at address, which resulted in purer contact, straighter shots, and his ultimate first victory.

I disagree.

Actually, I not only disagree, but I’m also sure that if Merritt had understood where answers truly come from, and how they arrive, he would have made this tweak a long time ago. And, as a result, he wouldn’t have missed five straight cuts.

Answers are found within you, within me. All problems are easily solved by our own inner wisdom. Trouble is: The more we grind away in a quest to find answers, the more we fill our heads with thought—leaving little room for inner wisdom to rise and fill the space. Again, this is why Merritt was floundering on the golf course for so long. In trying so hard to find answers, he was preventing answers from finding him.

Keep in mind: There’s nothing wrong with practicing and training diligently. It doesn’t get any better than passionately immersing yourself in a project. Yet—absent of a clear head—insights, revelations, or “aha” moments will never fall in your lap. Troy Merritt won because he took his foot off the gas pedal (activating his innate ability to self-correct), not because he pressed it harder. Believe me, inside of you right now are all the answers that you’re looking for. Like Merritt, you just need a split second of clarity to notice.

When to Listen to Your Thinking—and When to Discard It

Here are two questions I’m often asked: “When should I listen to my thinking?” “When should I discard it?” The answers are: never and always. Productive choices and behaviors occur instinctually.

To illustrate, let’s say while in the midst of writing an article, I get a case of writer’s block. I then think that I need to take a break from my writing. I listen to this thought and go for a walk in the park. When I return to my desk, however, nothing has changed. My writer’s block hasn’t shifted one bit.

How can that happen?

Well, noticing thought is the first sign that I’m overthinking and not capable of making sound decisions. I should have stayed in the game and kept writing. This, I must add, is the opposite of simply getting up from my desk—without forethought—and taking a walk in the park. Such instinctual behavior can only be initiated by my inner wisdom or psychological immune system. It’s guaranteed to assist me in the clearing of my writer’s block.

Remember: Thoughts that ring in your head are meant to be discarded, not followed or listened to. Absent of coincidence (it would have been a coincidence if my writer’s block had cleared at the same time I took a walk in the park), sound decisions are noticed in hindsight. They occur instinctually—minus perceptible thought.