Kelly Harrel's Blog, page 8
July 24, 2017
My Birthday Sale!!
To Amazon: https://goo.gl/qtWr7f
To my website: kellyharrel.com
July 2, 2017
When the Voices in Your Head Go Silent
I read the last three chapters of my next book, Angel Resolved, to my daughter last night. She laughed in all the right places, started to cry a time or two, and sat on the edge of the couch as I read the last page. With the final sentence came a sigh, then a frown.
“It’s over,” she said.
“Yep.” I placed my pages back in order. “The ending was good, right?”
“It was, but it’s over. I don’t want it to be over. I like Lauren and Tyler. They’re my favorite.”
I smiled, completely understanding. For over twenty years this story has been developing in my head. Their story. Our story. The growth of their faith has paralleled my own. As their story developed, the deep questions I had about life were answered.
Can you trust God with your dreams?
Can you trust others with your pain?
Will God be there in the darkest valley?
Can you find complete healing in Christ?
Is there a point when hardships continue to come that you fall apart, even if you’re trusting God?
Is God truly good all the time?
Is it possible to find a peace that surpasses all understanding in the midst of the storm?
Will laying your life down for Christ really bring true happiness?
And the question I came face to face with this year—when a person you love faces their hardest obstacle and darkest hour, will you still believe God is good and in control?
I think the last question wrecked me the most. I’ve learned a lot about grief, life, and faith in the past few months. That’s when I came to admire my characters the most. I’ve always like them (well, Tyler was a little annoying and frustrating in Angel Discovered), but now I admire their strength. I appreciate their determination. And I rejoice in their commitment to God.
Yes, I know my characters aren’t living and breathing people, but they represent so many of us. The Christian wanting to be true to their faith. The person madly in love with someone who may never return their love. Someone who struggles with depression. The one who struggles with pride. The women and men who find their identity in anything besides Christ. Life is hard, the Christian walk is harder. That’s what my characters represent. That’s why we’re so attached to them. Because they’re real.
“I’m going to need the entire series when the last one is published so I can read them over and over again,” my daughter told me.
“Hopefully one day we’ll have the audiobooks, too,” I reminded her.
She cheered at that and headed off to bed, leaving me alone. For the first time in years I’m no longer hearing Lauren and Tyler’s conversations in my head. I’m not seeing their adventures. There’s still polishing to do before publication, but the story has been released from my mind.
I’m thankful for the adventures, for the journey of faith. I’m thankful for the laughter and the tears. Most of all, I’m thankful God gave me the opportunity to get to know them, to have a part in shaping them. When I started writing their story twenty years ago, I didn’t imagine it would be so beautiful. But I suppose life is like that when your Father is the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.
Whatever season of life you are in, my friend, hold on. God’s not done with you yet. Stay the course and He will bring about a beautiful ending. Your happily ever after may just be a few chapters away.
June 7, 2017
A Christian's FIGHT Against Depression and Anxiety Bible Study
Thursday June 22, 2017 – Thursday July 27, 2017
38860-C Sky Canyon Dr.
Description:
In America, approximately 16 million people struggle with depression and 40 million deal with anxiety. For over 30 years I struggled with depression even though I knew Christ. I lived my life in seasons, hiding the darkness that grew inside me from everyone around me. It wasn’t until I hit my rock bottom that I turned to the Lord for healing. I cried out asking Him to show me how to fight this battle. God showed me it is a FIGHT, but one we can win if we:
Forget the lies.
Identify the triggers.
Give thanks.
Hold tight to the truth.
Tell others.
Each week we will unpack one of these topics, see what the Bible has to say about it, and work on implementing it during the week. You are more than a conqueror in Christ, my friend. It’s time to start living like it.
Childcare is available.
May 25, 2017
Angel Reconstructed
Jesus never promised life would be easy. In fact, in John 16:33 he said “I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” It’s important as Christians that we realize this. If we expect life to be all rainbows and flowers, we aren’t prepared for hard times when they come.
Angel Reconstructed was birthed through the hardest and darkest times of my life. The times that left me asking, “How much pain is too much?” and “Is this when I fall apart?” I was convinced that there was a breaking point. There was a point of no return. Which is a scary thought when you have suffered from depression for thirty years.
Yes, Christians suffer. Yes, Christians go through hard times. Yes, Christians hurt. Being a Christian doesn’t mean you never fall apart, but it does mean that you trust your Savior to put you back together.
I thought depression would be the hardest thing I’d ever face. Enter brain trauma. I was stopped in my tracks, forced to let go of so much—my ministry, my writing, my agenda and left with pain. Non-stop pain for months. There was no end in sight, no guarantee of returning to a “normal” life. There was only seeking for answers that were slow in coming and not being able to do much of anything, let alone everything I loved.
It was there, in that place of pain, that I learned we can stand when all the odds are stacked against us. God WILL meet us in the middle of our pain if we continue to seek Him. If we continue to trust.
In the midst of the pain, I didn’t always feel like I was standing. Most days I felt I was barely surviving. Listening to His Word, coveting the prayers of friends, clinging to my husband. But then one day after the pain when Satan came whispering his lies to me, I realized the truth. I realized that through it all God was with me, loving me, sustaining me, and nothing, absolutely nothing, would separate me from His love.
So, I wrote these words on a sticky note:
Dear Satan,
You lose. We win. And I won’t forget. Ever.
Then I wrote out Romans 8:38-39 and read it aloud. The key behind “in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28) is we need to not give up. We can’t decide to quit fighting or turn our back on our Maker. If we do, we may miss the good.
My teens are the first to listen to my books. I read the rough drafts aloud to Noah and Becca to work out the kinks. I’ll be honest that there were more nights than not that we finished reading Angel Reconstructed and Becca was either crying or upset with me.
“Why does it have to be so hard?” she would ask.
“Because it’s in those hard times that we grow.” I’d hug her and kiss her. “It’s in those times that we feel God’s love and grace more abundantly because we seek it.”
And I would smile, thankful that she doesn’t remember the hurt I experienced because I clung so tightly to the Lord His glory shone through the pain.
Rainbows only come after the storm. Some flowers bloom after a season of being dormant. Whatever you are going through, God is beside you. He wants to help you through. He offers you that peace that surpasses all understanding if you will just cry out to Him with your prayers and petitions with a thankful heart. It is that peace and God’s love that CAN carry you through every hard situation.
As Lauren learns in Angel Reconstructed, we need to hang on to the truth—God’s Word. In your hard times, recite it, memorize it, and believe it. When we hang on to His promises until the end, we will see His glory.
To purchase Angel Reconstructed in paperback or in Kindle, click here.
May 6, 2017
His Words
I called home from Mount Hermon Christian Writers Conference on the second to the last day. 
“What’s it like?” my daughter asked after greeting me.
“It’s like church summer camp but all the people are authors,” I told her.
“Mom, that’s perfect for you!” she giggled.
Without a doubt, it was the best week of my life, once I got over myself.
See, the Christian publishing industry is an interesting thing. They strive to publish quality material, yet it has to be marketable. There has to be a demand for your genre because, well, publishers want to make money, which is understandable. But if you don’t look good on paper or can’t fit into their box, you aren’t considered.
The process started for me eight years ago. I pitched my ideas. I wrote queries and summaries. I attended writers’ conferences and prayed for an open door. With each book, I repeated the process. When doors didn’t open, my husband encouraged me to self-publish.
“You have a story worth telling,” he encouraged me. “We need to publish it so the world can read it.”
I reached more people every year, gained more experience and a deeper passion for writing. So, as I prepared for Mount Hermon Christian Writers Conference, excitement grew inside me. This conference would be different. I was going as faculty, with published books and confidence. Or so I told myself.
The truth is, seven years ago self-publishing was a nasty word in the writing industry. You were looked down upon, deemed not good enough. I can’t tell you how many times someone asked who my publisher was and the moment I said I self-published, they were no longer interested in my books. For someone who struggles with self-esteem, that was the icing on the cake. But I continued to write and we continued to publish. I found myself praying more and more with each novel, for God to write the story on my heart, to give me the words, the characters, and the wisdom to write the stories to change hearts and lives. As reviews and testimonies came in, I knew I was in the middle of God’s will.
Here I was at Mount Hermon, four published books later, with more stories than time to write them. So, when a friend told me I should attend the Love Inspired workshop, I went. I went because I decided if my goal is to write full-time, I need to write books publishers will accept. I need a contract that promises the same amount as my teaching salary. The problem? God wouldn’t leave me alone from the moment I sat down.
“What are you doing here?” He quietly asked my heart.
“I need to make money writing,” I thought. “I can do this. I’m a good writer.”
“I’ve given you the stories to write,” He told me.
“I need to make more money,” I silently told Him as I opened my laptop to take notes. “If I’m ever going to write full-time, I need a contract that guarantees me a salary.”
The presenter began as my internal struggle continued. First, there was the word count. 50-60,000 words. Freedom in His Love is my only book that length. My last two books have been 100,000 words. But that’s okay because I self-publish.
Next, was the formula. Boy meets girl. Conflict keeps boy and girl apart until the end. Then they get together in the last chapter the book.
“Well,” I thought, “one of my books followed that pattern.” Then God brought to mind the four stories I need to write next, none of them focusing on romance, yet I’m excited to tell them all.
There is also the “no preaching” rule. I receive review after review that commends me on sharing the gospel without preaching, however, my latest book, Angel Reconstructed, has over 160 verses in it. Somehow I don’t think they would be okay with that.
The final obstacle was the hook. Cowboys. Amish. Historical.
“Why are you here?” the Lord started up again. “I didn’t call you to write this.”
I wanted to argue but had no ground to stand on. They wanted stories of surprise twins who belong to cowboys or a historical world where the man saves the damsel in distress. My fictional worlds are filled with modern adults (or young adults) who stumble like we all do, yet end up seeking God. God speaks to them as He does all His children—through His Word. When they seek Him, they find Him and His glory is seen through the miracles He does in their lives.
“They want Amish. Cowboys.” I tossed the information at my friend when I met her in the coffee shop when I finally had the courage to walk out of the presentation.
“Amish cowboys? That sounds interesting!”
Her comment made me laugh, but frustration filled my heart. I just want to be free, I thought. Free from teaching so I can write.
That night the speaker, Mark Batterson, grabbed my attention with his statement, “The first thing I do when I get ready to write is take off my shoes because I’m on holy ground.”
I thought of the nights my fingers couldn’t type fast enough. The nights I ended up on my knees because with each word I typed I watched His grace unfold in such a way it was overwhelming. That’s why I write. Not to make money, but as an act of worship. As an act of obedience. This is the gift my Father has granted me. To do anything less than what He has called me to is disobedience. Including writing stories He hasn’t given me. Stories that are cookie-cutter to please the general Christian audience. God placed a call on my life years ago to inspire others into a deeper faith. This is how He wants me to do it. My job is to be obedient.
There are boxes the world will try to fit you into. And in some seasons, you may fit. I resided in the boxes of teacher and volunteer in children’s ministry for some time. But as I was faithful, He called me to more. Creating a mother/daughter ministry, homeschooling my kids and helping others do the same. My life has been anything but typical for years, so why should my writing be any different?
God promises to provide for us as we are faithful to Him. He promises blessings as we seek His will. He also promises trouble and persecution, but as I’ve learned, His grace will carry us through and His love will heal all the wounds we endure.
What is God calling you to? Will you take that step of faith, trusting in His greater plan rather than what you can see? Each day God multiplies my time and my efforts as I work at my day job and continue to make strides in my writing career. Since He loves you as much as He does me, I know He will do the same for you if you will obey His call… if you will stop seeking the success and comfort the world offers and seek His face. If you do, you will forever be changed by His glory, which is the biggest blessing of all.
March 1, 2017
The Prayers of Christ
At the beginning of the year I decided to accept the challenge for memorizing a different verse every two weeks. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but I wanted to be stretched. I needed to grow the amount of God’s Word in my heart and mind so I could stand firm.
It seemed random when God led me to Luke 22:31-32, but I accepted the challenge knowing it’s important to remember though Satan is against me, God is 100% for me.
Yesterday started out rough. In fact when the girl at Starbucks asked how my day was at 9:30, I told her, “Not great, but I’m believing it’s going to get better.” While our home group was blessed, so much else seemed to fall apart. By the time I got into bed with my husband at 11 pm, spiritual oppression weighed heavily on my soul. I reached out to connect with him and somehow we ended up fighting. Instead of clearing the air, the sharing of our frustrations left me gasping for breath.
We prayed after our disagreement was settled, but the darkness around me grew. I knew I had two choices: be overcome by it or fight it.
Carrying my Bible study and blanket to the family room, I sat and cried. The lies of Satan swarmed around me—not being good enough, not being set free, being too weak to fight. Though I told myself each was a lie, they felt so true.
“Lord, what’s going on?” I asked. “Why is this happening?”
It was then that I realized why I needed to memorize Luke 22: 31-32. It was for such a time as this.
In my mind I saw Jesus, pleading for me in prayer. Jesus praying for me. That’s how loved I am. That’s how much He wants me to succeed. He wants me to turn from Satan and his schemes and strengthen God’s people. Yes, I go through what I go through to lead others through it as well. Not because God is against me, but because He believes in me and wants me to minister to His people.
So I prayed, I read God’s Word aloud, I rebuked Satan and his demons. Then I did my Bible study. When I started falling asleep on the couch, I returned to bed and listened to Romans 8. After all, it is my favorite chapter of the Bible. The Word washed over me, bringing the peace and healing I needed. I fell asleep shortly after the chapter started, but I know how it ends. Nothing separates me from the love of God. Nothing.
Sorry, Satan, you lose. EVERY TIME.
We are more than victorious in Christ Jesus. Though Satan is asking to shift you like wheat, Jesus is pleading for you. He loves you that much. If you will stand, He will strengthen your faith so you can strengthen others. So you can encourage others. So His glory will shine through you.
The sun came up this morning. His mercies are new. As I mediated on His Word, His love filled my heart. It’s a daily process, my friend. It’s a race we are running. And Jesus, our Savior, is cheering us on, even running beside us, pleading in prayer for us to stay the course. Resist the devil and temptation, turn to God. That’s where you’re meant to be.
February 12, 2017
KINDLE Valentine’s Sale—This Week Only!
I’m so thrilled to announce the release of my two newest books on Kindle—Angel Discovered and Angel Defined! And as if that’s not exciting enough, from February 13—17, you can download Angel Discovered for FREE and the rest of my Kindle books for 99 cents. 
That’s right, you can purchase four inspirational Christian novels for less than a latte! So, click here to download your copies today and snuggle up with your favorite reading device. Valentine’s Day is definitely more enjoyable with these sweet love stories (you can read some of the reviews for yourself below). Make sure you spread the love and tell your friends about this phenomenal deal. Great books are best when shared with others. ❤
5-star reviews of Angel Discovered:
“COULD NOT PUT THIS DOWN! Great character development right from the start. Able to easily fall in love with Lauren and all her true qualities. Story lines easily flowed, and kept me engaged from beginning to end. I have been excited to read about Lauren’s journey from the start.” by 3Blessings
“I can’t write anything the other reviews haven’t already covered. Wonderful message – you can see your life in the characters – and more. I quickly went through volume 1 and 2 … looking forward to more books by Kelly!” by Amazon Customer
5-star reviews of Angel Defined:
“I absolutely loved this book. I have never cried so much reading a fictional novel. The way Kelly incorporated scripture to fit the lives of the characters was so encouraging to me in my own walk. I can’t wait to read the next books in the series! Thank you Kelly for listening to God’s voice as you wrote this book!” by AF
“I sat down and read books 1 and 2 in quick succession. The author did a wonderful job developing characters (There are 2 supporting characters that I would love to read a book on their story.) and made scripture applicable to real life, using it as the sword that it is. Like another review stated – I cried through much of volume 2 and look forward to more 
” by Amazon Customer
January 25, 2017
A Christian's FIGHT Against Depression and Anxiety
Monday February 6, 2017 – Monday February 6, 2017
36454 Erica Ct.
Description:
Do you struggle with depression or anxiety?
Are you ready to fight it from a biblical perspective?
Join me on Monday, February 6th to learn how.
Please fill out the registration information below if you plan on attending.
December 21, 2016
Josh’s Story Brought to Life
Five years ago I opened a blank document on my computer with a simple prayer – “I need a new story, Lord. Give it to me.”
Suddenly I was on a Christian college campus, feeling the anxiety rise in my character on his first day of college. With each keystroke, sympathy grew inside me for this pathetic young man who had a lukewarm faith at best. I couldn’t see any victory in his life—yet, those are the lives God uses for his glory.
When brain trauma from a car accident brought me to the realization that I wouldn’t publish a new novel in 2015, I set out to find someone to perform Running in Such a Way: Josh’s Story as an audiobook. In search of a producer, I sent up another prayer – “Lord, bring the right man to this project. I need someone who will do it justice and glorify you.”
Enter Thomas P. Knotts.
Not right away, but five months and two auditions later. The moment my kids and I heard Thomas’ audition, we looked at each other and said, “He’s the one.”
It’s been a six-month process, but I’ve been so blessed by the way Thomas brought these characters to life. My teens and I laughed together and cried together as we listened to Josh’s story unfold in a new way. The slurred words of his alcoholic mother made my skin crawl and Elizabeth’s enthusiasm had me smiling. Thomas read with such passion that I felt as if I was hearing the story for the first time. There was one chapter that left me so crushed, I sat in my car crying after I arrived at my destination. I was baffled at how these words I wrote and rewrote and revised years ago could seem so foreign to me until I remembered, they were never my words. They were the Lord’s. I asked Him for a story and He gave it to me.
So, with that, I can’t wait for you to meet this man who brought Josh and Elizabeth to life. And stay tuned for a chance to win a free audio download of Running in Such a Way: Josh’s Story at the end of the blog.
Hi, Thomas. Thanks for being here today. Please tell us a little about yourself. What do you do when not producing audio books?
I am a high school biology teacher and athletic trainer in a small town in West Virginia. My wife, Janie, and I have two children: Reese, five-years-old, and Ryker, two-years-old. As I write this, Reese is perched on the arm of my chair with her arm resting on my shoulder and Ryker is taking a nap. Janie and I teach a high school Sunday School class and help out in the AWANA program on Wednesday nights. Needless to say, when we can eek out some adult time, we usually talk about nerdy science and medical stuff, since we were both biology majors and work in healthcare (she’s a Physician Assistant and I’m an Athletic Trainer). It might be sad to say, but we sneak away to medical conferences as a form of mini-vacation so we can reconnect with each other as well as be nerds and learn.
That’s great that you and your spouse have so much in common. What, in your opinion, is the most challenging part of making an audio book? What do you feel is the most rewarding?
Balancing time has to be the most challenging part of this whole process. Finding time to record in a truly quiet area is only the start of making an audio book. I thought that I would be spending the most time on the actual recording, but I have come to find that editing and fixing my many mistakes is right up there when it comes to time expended.
The most rewarding aspect is knowing that my work has an eternal impact. I make it a point to audition for books that will not compromise my Christian faith and let me tell you, that can be hard. A lot of great books can be spoiled for me because I refuse to misuse God’s name or use inappropriate language. Just because I am voice acting does not mean I stop being me. I want my grandparents, parents, wife, and children to be able to listen to my audiobooks and grow. This book is one that I feel proud of because it’s written with that eternal impact in mind and at the forefront.
One of the phrases the characters in Josh’s Story say often is “God’s got this”. Share a time in your own life when all you could say was “God’s got this”. How did the Lord reveal Himself through the situation as you trusted Him?
As I mentioned above, time management is a difficult thing for me. I am a selective type-A personality, which means that I worry about the things that I choose to worry about in life. I am new to the audiobook production business, and I know that deadlines are very, very important. Needless to say, I did not realize that it was going to be so hard to find the correct environment and time to record and edit/rework projects. Deadlines came and went. I started to realize I had bitten off more than I could chew. I knew that I was working on something that was a bucket list goal, and that would have a positive and eternal impact. Needless to say, I cannot manufacture time, so I had to say, “God’s got this.” Thankfully, God provided people who understood and showed a huge amount of grace.
Well, the quality of your work shows, Thomas. It was, without a doubt, worth the wait.
One of my favorite lines in the book was spoken by Elizabeth at the end of a very long week:
‘“I was actually telling God how frustrated I was right before you came up to me. I told Him it wasn’t fair that I was all alone having to deal with this.” Slipping her hand into his, she [Elizabeth] looked up at Josh. The overhead light in the parking lot shined dimly on her face to reveal tears forming in her eyes. “And then He sent you.”’
Share a time that you had a need and God brought along the perfect person to fill that need.
A couple of years ago, I was going through a really hard time. At one point, I was on my office floor crying and praying to God – I was a broken man. My co-workers were noticing a change in me, and not for the good. They could see my pain. One morning, before I got out of my car at work, I asked God to just give me some peace, a break from the pain, something. That same day, during lunch, a student who was on the football team gave me some news that completely changed what I was going through. God used that teenage boy to instantly bring tears of joy to my eyes and take a huge burden off my heart. I wasn’t completely better, but that was the beginning of a huge healing in my life. That guy may not even know or care about that day, but I sure do, and it was all because God put him there to say those refreshing words as an answer to my prayer. I am very thankful to God for that day.
I love how the Lord brings about the right people at the right time. Related to the book Running in Such a Way, what character in the story do you relate to the most and why?
Tommy. We share a name and a major. I like the idea of being a friend who is always there to encourage and offer solutions to problems. Tommy doesn’t take no for an answer, but he’s not outrageous about his persistence, either. He always seems to be right where he needs to be to give a bit of encouragement and let the other person shine in the spotlight. I like that about him, and I hope that others would see that in me, too.
Who was your favorite character to perform and why?
Obviously, as a guy, I loved playing the lead. Josh is a great guy who struggles, and that is what makes it real for me. I teach in an area that has a lot of problems, alcohol being one of them. To know that my students might be living Josh’s story strikes home with me. I also enjoyed playing Josh’s mom. There is a scene when everything comes to a head and hard choices are made. I felt her nervousness and fear. Her pain and insecurity still resonate with me.
Who was most challenging? Why?
Two women: Elizabeth and Josh’s little sister. Since I have a lower voice, trying to find that “real” sounding woman’s voice was rough. To this day, I still wonder how I can make my woman’s voice sound better. As I was researching for this book, one of my friends walked into my recording area while I was playing a youtube video on how to sound like a woman. Thankfully, I got to explain why before she jumped to conclusions, otherwise that might have been a very different conversation, indeed!
Josh’s sister is young, which compounds to the whole issue. I struggled to look for that childish/girly voice. In voice over work, a lot of the male children are voiced by ladies; the most famous being Bart Simpson and Jimmy Neutron. To combine the most difficult aspects of VO work into Josh’s sister (female and child) was hard for me. I am sure that I would not want to do a lot of narrating from her perspective, at least, until she gets older.
What was your favorite scene in the book? (without giving anything away!)
The mothers take the cake on this one. Let’s just say that I got to really flesh out some raw emotions with those two women. Each has a scene that wrenches my guts, and I loved feeling what they were feeling as I was recording.
You did a great job on those scenes, Thomas. They were some of my favorites as I, too, felt the emotions. Any frustrations or roadblocks as you were making Running in Such a Way? How did you overcome?
Time, time, and time. Honestly, I was shown a ton of grace and patience by you, Kelly. There were times when I know that you would have been completely in your rights to virtually smack me in the face through email, but you kept being encouraging and moving us forward. I have learned a lot about myself through this process and had some new insight into what it really takes to record an audiobook. I can’t express my gratitude for patience and grace as they were shown to me. As stated above, I had to tell myself, “God’s got this!” I know He did then, and I know He does now. I hope that all the readers and listeners of this book get to see that, too.
Thank you, Thomas, for all the time and effort you put into bringing this story to life!
Thomas and I would also like to thank you, the readers of this blog, by raffling off THREE FREE audiobooks. Simply leave a comment below to be entered into the drawing. If you have read Josh’s Story, let us know who your favorite character was. If you haven’t read the book, feel free to leave a question or comment for Thomas or me. You could even share a time God provided as you trusted him. Winners will be announced December 28th via email.
To learn more about Running in Such a Way: Josh’s Story or to purchase it in paperback, Kindle, or audiobook, click here.
December 18, 2016
Josh’s Christmas Story
Every year around this time I write a Christmas post. Some reflection of the season, a realization of the meaning of Jesus’ birth, God’s gift to man. This year as I’ve been pondering it, one story continues to come to mind. A story I wrote years ago. A story of the unconditional, sacrificial love a boy shows his mother. Maybe because that is the point of Christmas. Giving without expectation. Acting out of love. Loving even when it hurts. Maybe that’s the lesson I need to learn this Christmas and live out in 2017. Perhaps you do as well.
So, let me set this scene which is found in Running in Such a Way: Josh’s Story. Josh has watched his mother slip further into alcoholism for thirteen years when he finally starts believing God for her healing. Instead of enabling her, he begins praying for her. Instead of hating her, he attempts to love her. When they make plans for Christmas, he is shocked when his mother offers to meet him at his church on Christmas Eve. We pick up our story there—
Disappointment set in as the pastor began speaking at the realization that she wasn’t coming. He followed along in the book of Luke, fighting the tears. Loving her seemed to include constant disappointment. It had been for his own survival that he distanced himself from her through the years.
“God has given us the perfect gift of love and salvation in His Son, Jesus Christ,” Pastor Derrick concluded. “He wants you to accept that gift and offer love to others in return.”
The hardness that had begun to build in Josh’s heart melted. As Pastor closed in prayer, Josh made a commitment to love his mother, regardless of the cost.
**
The minute Josh let himself into his mother’s house, he gagged from the horrific smell. Covering his nose and mouth with his arm, he hurried into the kitchen. Opening the window above the sink he realized it wasn’t his mother’s decomposing body that reeked, but curdled milk from a dozen cereal bowls stacked in the sink. The buzzing of flies caused him to turn to the left. Three trash bags filled to the top leaned against the wall next to the overflowing trashcan. The sight of maggots at the top of the bags mixed with the stench had him running to the bathroom to vomit.
Once he composed himself, he entered the family room. After silencing the blaring TV, he glanced toward her seemingly lifeless form in the easy chair. The snoring alerted him that she wasn’t dead. Still wearing her work clothes, her feet were up and head back, mouth wide open–her familiar passed out position. A bottle of gin, almost empty, sat in between a glass with half melted ice cubes and a small plate with a quarter of a sandwich. One day without drinking, that’s all he wanted. He couldn’t understand how that could be too much to ask.
Josh knew he had two choices–leave and she’d never know he came or stay and show her love.
Three empty bottles of gin sat among a dozen used coffee cups on the kitchen counter. Was she keeping them as trophies now or just too lazy to throw them out?
Thirty minutes to clean up the trash pile, an hour to clean the bathrooms and vacuum, and another hour and a half to scrub the dishes, kitchen floors, and counters. She never flinched, only snored louder. Josh prayed for healing from her addiction as he threw the bottles in the recycle can. He prayed for her health as he scrubbed the floors and counters. Remembering the story of the bleeding woman, he professed to God that he believed his mother could be healed, if only she would seek Him.
The one room he didn’t go in was her bedroom. The door ajar, the smell that lingered into the hallway caused his stomach to turn again.
“Lord, I can’t conquer that one tonight,” he said, passing by as he vacuumed.
Right before he left Josh sorted through the mound of mail on the dining room table, throwing away ads and junk mail and making a neat stack of the bills. There were new credit card bills and thin envelopes from the bank which were probably overdraw notices. He wanted to save her from herself, but he knew the time had come. She needed to hit rock bottom.
It was after 10 p.m. when he placed the Christmas card to her on the clean kitchen counter.
Hi Mom, he wrote on a sticky note. Sorry you missed church tonight. Call me tomorrow if you still want to go to a movie.
He placed the note on the card. Looking at her one more time, tears came to his eyes. Maybe he needed to be hurt by her to remind him he still cared. And he needed to care.
“I lift her up to You,” he silently prayed. “Please save her…somehow.”
Who is God calling you to love in such a way this Christmas? What are you waiting for, my friend? I pray God will give us both the courage and strength to show His unconditional, sacrificial love this season. After all, that’s what Christmas is all about.
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