Kelly Harrel's Blog, page 6

Review: Shadow Sister and Giveaway

I’m excited to be a part of the Celebrate Lit bloggers, so from time to time I’ll be sharing about books I’ve read through them. This month I had the privilege of reading…

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 Make sure to scroll all the way to the bottom of this post after reading it to enter into the giveaway!

About the Book

Book Title: Shadow Sister

Author: Katherine Scott Jones

Genre: Woman’s Fiction

Release date: August 28, 2018

Working on her father’s vineyard allows Sarah Lanning to bury memories of a lost love and a career that might have been. But then her fractured family receives word that her estranged sister, Jenna, is dead, leaving behind an unexpected request: that Sarah travel to Bolivia to scatter her ashes.

Accompanied by pilot Chase Maddox, Sarah embarks on an Andean journey that tests her devotion to home and exposes Jenna’s secret life. Each staggering discovery creates new mysteries—until the last, which leaves Sarah questioning everything she understood about family loyalty. At a crossroads, she must decide whether truth is worth the cost of forgiveness—and whether she can lay claim to a future of happiness without it.

Bittersweet and bold, Shadow Sister explores the mysteries of the human heart and the bond of unquenchable love.

Click here to purchase your copy!

About the Author

Katherine Scott Jones grew up in cities on every U.S. coast and overseas as her family moved with her father’s Navy career. Seattle became home when she married her husband twenty-eight years ago. After graduating Whitworth University with a degree in communications, she established herself as a freelance writer before turning her hand to fiction. She blogs about books that celebrate beauty at www.katherinescottjones.com. Katherine and her husband have two teenage children. Shadow Sister is her second novel.

My Review

Katherine Scott Jones uses wonderful word pictures to constantly describe the surroundings for the reader, which leaves one feeling immersed in the story. The descriptions of Sarah and Jenna’s time in Bolivia reminded me of how exhilarating, and truly life-changing, missions work is. It is something one must experience for oneself. The author does a fabulous job showing that in how Sarah relates to the people and in the transformations that take place in her over time.

I don’t read fiction strictly to be entertained but I read it to learn and grow as well. This novel was a reminder of my own grief walk. It was mind-opening to see the various reactions of the characters to Jenna’s death. It was also a great reminder that the grieving process is a necessary one in order to cultivate healthy relationships.

Which leads to another topic touched on. Family relations. In a nutshell, the verse that best describes their family issues is Ephesians 4:25-27.

“So stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body. And ‘don’t sin by letting anger control you.’ Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil.”

We all have issues. Even Christian families. And this family does as well. I was thankful that through the book some of these issues were worked through but there is also the warning that we need to deal with things before it’s too late.

“Shadow Sisters” is an intriguing story filled with twists and turns. The settings, characters, and emotions feel authentic even though deceit plays a major roll in their lives. While that’s not a character trait to exemplify, I believe the author shows the ramifications of living such a life. If you enjoy descriptive fiction with a good lesson to learn, this is a book for you.

Disclaimer: I received this novel complimentary the author, and the ebook complimentary Celebrate Lit,  and was under no obligation to post a positive review. The opinions expressed are my own.

Guest Post from Katherine Scott Jones

Shadow Sister: Outtake Reel

By Katherine Scott Jones

Much as I love a good movie, my favorite part often comes at the end when the director includes outtakes—those false starts and bits from the making of the movie that wind up on the cutting room floor.

In a similar vein, I’m going to let you in on some of what went into the creation of my novel, Shadow Sister,but did not make the final cut.

Shadow Sister is a work of inspirational women’s fiction with a global accent—written for women with a heart for complex relational issues as well as a passion for biblical justice. It is the story of a vintner’s daughter who travels to Bolivia to scatter her estranged sister’s ashes. There, she unravels secrets that test her devotion to home and make her question whether truth is worth the cost of forgiveness. Shadow Sister explores the mysteries of the human heart and the bond of unquenchable love.

Now that you know a bit about what it is, come along as I pull back the curtain and share an exclusive peek at what Shadow Sister is not.

Working Titles

It took me a while to finally land on the right title. Early contenders:

– The Sweetness of Light

– Variations on Shadows and Light.

Characters

It also took a bit of experimenting before I found the right combination of people and places:

– Sarah, the main character, was originally a marine biologist. I first imagined the story set in Seattle before moving it to the fertile plains of Eastern Washington wine country.

– Sarah was originally engaged; and Chase and Rachael were involved.

– The gender of Matilde’s baby changed from what I first plotted. That simple switch got me unstuck from a perplexing snag of writer’s block.

– Names:

o Nicole, Stasi, Rees, and Stephen were all main-character names I considered and rejected.

o Little sister Sarah and big sister Jenna began as litter sister Jenna and big sister Kate. Then Jenna became Somer and finally Sarah, while Kate became Jenna.

o Sassy Britches is named after an actual racehorse by the same name.

Unused research

Of course, story exploration turned up far more tidbits of interesting info than I could possibly fit into the pages of a novel! Some of what I wished I could have used…

– Bolivian fun facts

o Customs.

Bolivians tend to eat outdoors when it is not raining. Many men do not feel comfortable eating in front of strangers, so they will often face a wall or sit hunched over their food when they are eating in public.
Cha’lla is a ritual blessing drawn from Catholic tradition, indigenous religious ceremony, or—typically—a combination of both. Performed by a yatiri (spiritual leader) or Catholic priest, a cha’lla ceremony is performed whenever a new building is finished to ensure future peace in that building.
Many Bolivians believe in karisirus, or night phantoms. These harmful spirits catch people out after dark or when they’re sleeping. Legend says that they split their victim’s stomach and extract some of the fat.

o Drinks. While the traditional Bolivian beverages api and mate de coca are featured in Shadow Sister, several others are not:

refresco (fruit juice with a dried peach at the bottom of the glass)
tostada (a mixture of barley, honey, cloves in water)
chicha (homemade corn beer)
singani (made from grapes, a cross between wine and whiskey)

o Language. Spanish, Aymara, and Quechua are Bolivia’s three national languages, and they differ from each other greatly. For example, the number one in Spanish = uno, Aymara = ma, Quechua = hoq.

– Quotes:

o On wine: “Wine is sunlight held together by water.” ~ Galileo

o On art: “Art enables us to find ourselves and lose ourselves at the same time.” ~ Thomas Merton

I hope this glimpse into what didn’t make it onto the pages of Shadow Sister piques your interest for discovering what finally did!

Blog Stops

Book Reviews From an Avid Reader, September 4

Carpe Diem, September 4

Reflections From My Bookshelves, September 5

The Power of Words, September 5

Among the Reads, September 5

Fiction Aficionado, September 6

The Becca Files, September 6

RebekahsQuill, September 7

Babbling Becky L’s Book Impressions, September 7

Bigreadersite, September 7

Just the Write Escape, September 8

Jennifer Sienes: Where Crisis and Christ Collide, September 8

Bibliophile Reviews, September 9

Living Life Free in Christ, September 9

Inspirationally Ever After, September 10

Abba’s Prayer Warrior Princess, September 10

Texas Book-aholic, September 11

Livin Lit, September 11

Janices book reviews, September 12

Remembrancy, September 12

All-of-a-kind Mom, September 13

Inklings and notions, September 13

The Midnight Bookaholic, September 14

Pause for Tales, September 14

The Mimosa Blossom, September 14

Kelly Harrel, September 15

Two Points of Interest, September 15

A Baker’s Perspective, September 16

proud to be an autism mom, September 16

Godly Book Reviews, September 17

Debbie’s Dusty Deliberations, September 17

Giveaway

To celebrate her tour, Katherine is giving away a grand prize that includes a personalized signed print copy of the book, a Shadow Sister bookmark, a Frame-able print, Book-lover’s tea, 6 Handcrafted notecards, and a set of vineyard-themed playing cards!!

Be sure to comment on the blog stops for nine extra entries into the giveaway! Click link below to enter. https://promosimple.com/ps/d25f/shadow-sister-celebration-tour-giveaway

BIRTHDAY SALE!

My favorite series is on sale this week only! If you already own it, purchase it for a friend or family member. What better gift can you give than that of the gift of inspiration?

A Memorial to the Lord

Four months ago my best friend went home to be with the Lord. Only four months ago, but it honestly feels like she’s been gone for years. I miss her smile. I miss her laughter. I miss her advice. I miss her encouragement. I miss her presence. Oh, Lord, I just really miss her.

It’s been four months of maneuvering this road called grief. Some days I do okay. Other days I’m a wreck. I told my husband months ago that we need to see 2018 as my year of grieving. But there are days that I’m tired of the hurt, the uncontrollable emotions. Years ago I trusted God for healing from my depression. I asked Him to show me how to overcome it with His help. And He did. When I asked Him to show me how to get through this grief, He simply assumed me He is with me. He told me it was okay to keep feeling these emotions, that I just needed to lay them down at His feet. But I didn’t. I held on to them tighter, like I was afraid to let them go. Maybe thinking if I did let them go, I’d be letting go of my best friend.

A few weeks after Tammy passed, I went to the beach with my kids. It was bittersweet because I hoped I would be able to take her one more time because she loved the beach. We even joked about how she could leave her wig at home and we could take my husband’s convertible.

So there I was on Easter, walking on the beach, when a verse came to me.

“So Joshua called together the twelve men he had chosen—one from each of the tribes of Israel. He told them, “Go into the middle of the Jordan, in front of the Ark of the Lord your God. Each of you must pick up one stone and carry it out on your shoulder—twelve stones in all, one for each of the twelve tribes of Israel. We will use these stones to build a memorial. In the future, your children will ask you, ‘What do these stones mean?’ Then you can tell them, ‘They remind us that the Jordan River stopped flowing when the Ark of the Lord’s Covenant went across.’ These stones will stand as a memorial among the people of Israel forever.” ~ Joshua 4:4-7

That’s when the idea stirred in my heart to build a memorial of praise to the Lord. To gather rocks from the beach that represented events in my life and the lives of Tammy’s family that we would have celebrated. Then I would have them as a visual of God’s goodness. I collected two rocks that day—one for her son turning eighteen and one for a publisher asking for my manuscript.  I placed them next to my “Stand and FIGHT” sign a friend made me. The pile has continued to grow through the months. One for her oldest’s amazing performance at State finals and another for his graduation. Two for our kids’ graduating from eighth grade. One for the book contract offered me and one for finishing my next novel. I was collecting them, but instead of praising God for the things He had done, I was still crying over what she was missing and how I was missing her.

In June, a student of mine made this awesome verse picture of Matthew 28:20. I placed it right behind the rocks. Another reminder He was with me. But I felt no comfort because instead of laying down my emotions to the Lord, I clung to them.

I hit my darkest, deepest grief two weeks ago. My husband tried to comfort me. He said all the right things. He told me to FIGHT…but I didn’t. I cried. I screamed. I believed the lies. I chose the darkness. It was, horrific.

The next morning I asked God why He let me get so low. James 4:6-7 came to me.

“So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come close to God, and God will come close to you.”

I held on to my grief instead of turning it over to God. I didn’t resist the devil so he continued to torment me. I refused to draw close to God. I’m sure that broke His heart.

I repented that morning and asked the Lord to help me to not dwell on my grief. It’s going to continue, as it has this week, but I don’t need to camp there. I don’t need to wallow in it. I need to cry, pray, reach out to others for prayer, worship God, and keep moving. Rage may come. Depression may show it’s ugly face, but God is for me so who can stand against me? I don’t need to be anxious about what’s to come, because God’s already there.

The last two stones I’ve added? Finishing my first school year without her and delivering my first message since her death. When I taught last Thursday I knew she would have been in the third row to support me. Instead of crying that she wasn’t, I smiled at my friends who were. Now when I see these stones, I thank the Lord for what He has brought me through. I thank Him for His goodness and blessings. It’s a reminder that His blessings haven’t stopped. They will continue to a thousand generations as long as I choose to put Him first. As long as I continue to be obedient.

I still miss her every day. I still cry often and feel the weight of her loss so great at times it’s hard to breathe. But God has been with me and will continue to be. And one day, I’ll see her again. And we will celebrate God’s goodness by praising Him together, face-to-face. What an amazing day that will be.

Kindle SALE Freedom in His Love

A lot of people ask me how I come up with the things in my books. Well, although the characters in Tasha’s Story aren’t exactly like myself and my husband, portions of our love story do appear in it. Since we are celebrating 19 years of marriage this week, you can download the Kindle edition of Freedom in His Love for FREE! After you read it, let me know what parts you think were inspired by real life. It’s also a GREAT book for teens to read! ❤️

#freekindlebook #summerreading #YAseries #Christianfictionthatinspires#WallkingtheWalkseries

https://goo.gl/M3LZvX

The Truth About Grief

“Things aren’t going to be the same. It’s not okay that Danny’s gone.” Pastor Mark’s acknowledgment somehow lightens the burden in my heart. “Don’t feel the need to pretend, even if the rest of your family does. I’ve always appreciated your genuine faith.” He leans forward. “This is a pretty awful situation. But continue to take your questions and hurts to God. He’s there for you, Lydia. He can handle your questions and your pain. Keep leaning on Him and believing Him for a miracle.” ~The Beloved

I cried the first time I wrote this quote in The Beloved, book two of the Once Lost series. And when I came upon it while making revisions, I cried again. I’ve wanted to call my best friend so many times in the past week. To share my stress with her, my frustrations, my excitement. I could imagine what she’d say, hear her advice in my head, but that doesn’t make it okay that she’s gone. It doesn’t make it better.

Can we just be honest? It hurts when we lose someone we love. It’s great that they are with God in heaven, but it sucks for those who are left behind. But I do know God is there. He sees my tears, even in the dark of night. He feels my pain, even though I can’t describe it. He hears my prayers, even when I can’t utter them.

And somehow He’s growing me. I can’t see it yet, but I feel it. A greater compassion for those who hurt. A greater acceptance for those who have had their world turned upside down. A greater realization that bad things happen to people who love Him desperately…but somehow, at some point, He will use it for good. Maybe that’s why this book makes me so anxious. I want THIS to be the “good.” I want to “show” those who don’t understand how deep the pain can be so they will understand and be more encouraging to those who are barely holding on. That is our job as Christians, isn’t it? To come alongside one another, not to fix or make each other happy, but to love and support one another? I know the only one who can fix my broken heart is the Lord, but I so appreciate those who carry me in prayer, hold me when I cry, and admit they have no words to heal my broken heart.

If you are hurting, struggling in any way, let me know with a comment or through a message how I can pray for you. I know how hard it is. Though I’m smiling in pictures, I know what it’s like to not be able to stop crying.

The Hardest Book to Write…But it’s Done!

After six months I’ve finished my latest rough draft, The Beloved, Book 2 of the Once Lost series. One of the reasons I’ve been a slacker in blogging is because I have poured all of my spare time into finishing this novel. I decided to take a trip down to the beach today to hang out with God and celebrate finishing this book that at times it felt as if I was writing purely out of obedience. So, if you are interested in learning why it was the hardest book to write, click on the link to my video below.

Live video Story Behind The Beloved

Comfort for the Brokenhearted

There was my boy, smile wide, accepting the first place prize for the rock climbing competition in his age group. I was so incredibly happy and proud, yet my heart was breaking. See, it was a year ago my best friend told me to let him give up soccer if he wanted to so he could pursue his new passion – rock climbing.

“But I don’t think it’s enough exercise,” the homeschool mom in me argued. “And it’s not a team sport.”

She laughed. “Of course it’s enough exercise. He’s an outgoing guy. You don’t need to make him be social anymore.”

At that point I had already paid for fall soccer, so he played. But when he got his year pass to the climbing gym in November, I decided it was time to let my Noah be himself.

He thrived. Tammy was right.

So, I cried yet again all the way home thinking of all the truth she would have told me in the past two months.

When Jeff and I couldn’t seem to get along the second week of April, she would have reminded me he was stressed out, like he is every year, finishing taxes and it will pass. And it did.

When I was over-the-top anxious the day before testing started she would have said, “Don’t worry. It’s rough the first day, but it’ll all work out. It always does.” And it has.

And when a million doubts overtook me yesterday morning wondering if the publisher’s readers are reading The Deceived yet, if they like it, and if I’ll get a contract, she would have said, “Just keep praying. You’re a great writer. God will open the door in His time.”

I wanted so badly to send her the video of Noah accepting the prize along with “You were right.” But I couldn’t. And I wondered how many things I’m going to mess up in the future because I don’t have the person who knows me better than myself to shove me in the right direction.

Last night I wanted to pray, but the only words I had were, “God, I miss her.”

This morning I woke wondering how I’ll get through this. One day I almost feel okay like I tell people I do and the next I feel so wrecked and broken. So I opened my Bible app and there was the verse of the day.

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.”

Psalms 34:18 NLT

As the words washed over me, God whispered to my heart, “You’ll get through because I’m here. It doesn’t matter how long your heart is broken or how often you feel crushed. I am still here.”

I guess that’s all we really need to know. That in our hardest times, through our deepest hurts, even when the sympathies end and everyone else’s life seems to be back to normal, God never tires of our tears. He’s there with open arms to comfort us time and time again. He never thinks, “Aren’t you over that yet?” because He knows the depth of our pain. He can see our battered heart. He will always care.

I’m learning to ask myself each day “what do I need to get through this?” Sometimes it’s time with my man, sometimes it’s advice or prayers from one of the many women of God in my life. Sometimes it’s hours of writing about my grief and struggles in my next book, The Beloved. Today I’m reminded it’s the Holy Spirit. He’ll be my great comforter. He’ll give me the wisdom I need when I ask. He’ll pray for me when my words are lacking.

Dear friend, whatever your struggle might be, the answer is the same. He is close to the brokenhearted. He rescues the crushed in Spirit. And He is reaching out to you today. Won’t you meet Him where you’re at? That’s truly the way to comfort and peace in the midst of pain.

To Trust Again

For a year I prayed, “God heal her. Take the cancer away.” It’s sounds real noble to say, “He did when He took her to heaven,” but the truth is that’s not what I was asking for. I wanted it to be here, on this Earth, for His glory, and our gain. Instead, I lost. I lost one of the people who understood me the most. I lost the iron that sharpened my iron. I lost my partner in teaching. I lost my best friend. Even though I prayed I wouldn’t for a year.

The phrase Tammy used to always say to me that has haunted me for months?

“Oh Kelly, God always answers your prayers. You know He does.”

When our bank account was in the double digits and pay day was weeks away, He provided. When I needed a job that would allow me to keep homeschooling, He brought one. When our vans were totaled (two within three years), He provided better ones. When I had brain trauma, when my daughter ended up with a tendon sheath infection, when my husband had a heart attack, God answered my prayers for healing.

But this one, the one that mattered so much, He didn’t answer the way I wanted. And that has left me crushed. Broken. Scared.

Not mad. I know God is sovereign and His will is perfect. I don’t get it, but I know it’s true. I know of His deep love that sent His Son to the cross to die for me, so I can’t not love Him. But I’m left with no prayers for myself because I feel let down. Maybe, in a sense, I feel betrayed.

So, I haven’t prayed for myself. I’ve prayed for others, but the only words I mutter in regards to my own life are how much pain I’m in and how I love God. Both are so true. But I can’t ask Him for important things. Which has shook my world. After years of believing God for everything, I wonder if I can believe Him for anything.

A week after Tammy’s death I was off to attend Mount Hermon Christian Writers conference. It’s the event I look forward to all year. I love the fellowship, the teaching, the entire experience, but dread built in my heart that night before I left because I told myself I’d pitch my next book to a publisher or agent. Not that I’m unhappy self-publishing. I truly love it; however, years ago I promised myself I would pitch every book I wrote, just in case God wanted to open a door for my writing to have a wider reach. Yet here I was, struggling with my grief and feeling so broken. I can’t write a query letter when I’m in my right mind, so I knew that wasn’t happening. I printed out my one-sheet bio and the first three chapters of The Deceived and decided that would have to be enough.

My first morning at Mount Hermon I was polishing the presentation I was giving later on in the day when I struck up a conversation with a fellow faculty member. I knew Sandy’s company, Celebrate Lit, had a promotion division. We talked Facebook algorithms and social media outreach. I got excited about her Blog Tours as a possibility for my next release, so I asked her for more information.

“When is your book coming out?” Sandy asked.

“Well, that’s the thing,” I sighed. “I know I’m supposed to pitch it at this conference, but I really don’t want to. Is that so bad?”

She smiled. “Not at all. Why don’t you practice your pitch on me?”

“No,” I laughed. Then the other part of Sandy’s business came to my mind. “You’re a publisher too, aren’t you?”

Another smile. “Yes, I am. Pitch your book to me.”

I shook my head. “You don’t understand. I can’t write a query letter to save my life. And I suck at writing a synopsis.”

“I’m not asking for a query letter,” she laughed. “Kelly, just tell me about your book.”

For years I’ve thought if I could just tell someone in the publishing industry about my story and have them read my first three chapters, I’d get picked up. After hearing about The Deceived, Sandy asked for the first three chapters—and loved them. She requested the manuscript to send to her readers.

And the waiting begins.

It’s been two weeks since she sent it off, so I reached out with an email earlier this week. She responded that all her readers had several books, so it might be a while. I told God I don’t care one way or another. I told Him to just do what He was going to do. His response?

Ask me for it.

Six months ago I wouldn’t have hesitated. But today? Like I said earlier, I’m praying big things for others. I’m believed God for all kinds of stuff for my family and friends. Yet I realized today, I don’t want to believe Him for the important stuff in my own life. I can’t handle the disappointment again. I don’t want my dreams crushed another time. I’m tired of feeling broken, so I don’t ask. I just leave it up to God to do what He’s going to do. The problem is, I know that’s not how we’re meant to live.

God told the Israelites He had good plans for them through the prophet Jeremiah. But He told them to pray. Why? Because when we look for Him wholeheartedly, we’ll find Him.

He didn’t send these words to a happy group of Israelites. He sent them to a country in bondage. A people who were hurt. Crushed. Broken.

Like me.

Maybe like you.

Let’s be honest. Sometimes life sucks. Sometimes you do everything right and it feels like all you get in return is pain. Sometimes you pray fervently for a year, believing God can do a miracle, and your loved one still dies from cancer. And although you know she is in a better place and you thank God the struggle is over for the one you love, your struggle is just beginning. Your nightmare has come true. When that is the place you’re living in, it’s hard to trust again.

So, here I am. God keeps whispering to my heart these timeless words from Jeremiah 29:12-13—”In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.”

He will listen. We will find Him.

Even in the brokenness. Especially in the pain.

I hit my rock bottom with my depression over a decade ago. Jeremiah 29:11-13 were the verses He spoke to my heart when I struggled with believing the entire Bible was true. Because if it was true, there was a deeper purpose for my life beyond the pain. And since that night, I’ve strived to be what He wants me to be. I stopped watching TV and playing mindless games so I would have time to write. I let go of my shame and started sharing my depression to bring others into a place of healing. I stepped out in faith six times to publish my novels. I started a mother-daughter ministry and funded retreats trusting Him to provide. I’ve been so faithful to do what He has called me to. Now He calls me to an even harder task.

To trust again.

To pray for publication. To plan the next It’s a Girl Thing. To finish the series I’m writing. To begin my next Bible study.

All of these things are impossible without Him. I know that. All of them are the desires of my heart. Yet the words won’t come because the pain is real. And fear tells me that I can’t handle more pain. Fear says rejection will destroy me. It reminds me we don’t have extra money to pay for an event if it fails. Fear tells me the books I’m writing are too hard for others to read because I know it’s been too hard to live. And fear shouts that I’m not qualified to teach God’s word.

2 Timothy 1:7 says “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” I should know because that was my verse for 2017. That brings me to the question I need to face. Will I choose fear or self-discipline? Self-discipline says I will keep doing what God calls me to, even when it’s hard. It reminds me that I take steps toward Him because He calls me to, not because I feel like it. Self-discipline tells me I need to pray so I can trust again. Yesterday I lived in fear. Today I choose self-discipline.What will you choose, my friend? Regardless of what you’ve been through, I pray that you will decide with me that it’s time to trust again.Father, forgive me for not trusting You. I know You are sovereign and I know You are good. I ask, God, that You open this door to publish my next series. Not for me, God, but for Your glory. So You can reach more people with Your message of hope. So You can bring others back to You. I love You, God, and I thank You for the gifts You have given me. Help me to continue to use them for Your glory regardless of what trials come my way. God, I place all my trust in You. I know Your plans are good. Thank You for the future and hope I have in You. In Jesus’ name,  amen

While I Grieve

On March 15, 2018, my best friend, Tammy Sanchez, went home to be with Jesus. Through my journey of grief, I’ve talked to several people who know great loss. It’s different for everyone, but there are some common feelings, like people who haven’t experienced the loss of someone very close to them don’t really know what to do or say. Here are my suggestions and a glimpse of what a Christian is feeling when a loved one passes. I pray it helps you as you minister to others in their time of grief.

Dear Christian friend,

Don’t mistake my tears for a lack of faith. I know God is good. I know He is sovereign. I’m not mad at Him and definitely have not turned my back on Him. I cry for all the loss I’ve experienced. For all the holidays we won’t celebrate together. For all the conversations we’ll never have. For the years of laughter and joy that I thought was to come.

Don’t mistake my mourning for a lack of understanding. I know she’s in heaven. I praise God she’s no longer in pain. I know she is feeling God’s love, glory, and pure joy at this very moment. And that thrills me. But I’m mourning the loss of my biggest prayer warrior. The loss of my Barnabus. The loss of the one person who knew exactly what to say to me and when to say it because we shared twelve years of secrets, heartaches, dreams, struggles, and hopes. It’s such an intense loss at times I feel numb and other times I cry uncontrollably.

Don’t mistake my reflection as a refusal to continue forward. I know joyous days will come. I know God has good plans for me for a hope and a future. I need to remember to heal. I need to remember to be thankful. I have so much to be thankful for at times it feels overwhelming. But when I looking back, I can hear the laughter. I remember her advice. I recall how she made me a better person.

I am a better person. I haven’t digressed. God is just doing a new work in me. A painful work. A stretching. A cleansing. A rebuilding. He’s teaching me how to move forward without the one I love though I’d rather not. He’s demonstrating His love and sovereignty by leading me in a direction I don’t want to go. I don’t like this place. I never wanted it. I prayed against it. So, please don’t mistake my tears for lack of faith, my mourning for a lack of understanding, or my reflection as a refusal to move forward. He who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it like He did with my best friend when He took her to heaven. Until then, I need to continue to work through this.

Are you at a loss for words? These are some phrases that bring a bit of peace to my heart:

I’m sorry.

I love you.

There are no words.

I’m praying for you.

I wish I could give you a hug.

Instead of texting me scripture, send me funny memes. I know the scriptures and every night I read God’s Word. The Holy Spirit is guiding me, directing me, and healing me. But laughter will help me heal and the person who I laughed with until I cried is no longer here. I don’t have it within me to seek out laughter. Some days the weight is so heavy. Laughter lightens the load for a moment or two. I need to know it’s possible for me to laugh again.

Instead of telling me she’s in heaven, ask me to share her journey with you. It doesn’t hurt me to talk about it. It makes me smile because I remember her strength, her faith, and God’s grace to take her home when He did.

Instead of asking how I am, ask me how you can pray for me. I’m going to not be okay for a while, so “how are you” feels like a loaded question. Every minute my needs are different and I’ve prayed so much in the last year, right now I have no words.

And it’s okay if you have no words. If you see me, a hug tells me everything you are unable to. It tells me you’re sorry for the pain, you’re sorry things didn’t go the way we prayed they would, that you understand my hurt and loss, and that you miss her, too.

This place of pain is deep, but it won’t last forever. Please don’t judge me while I’m here. What I need most of all is for you to show me love, because that is what I’ve lost.

A Christmas Miracle in Moscow

Christmas is all about miracles. A virgin birth, angels appearing to man, a Savior born in a manger. And if our God is the God of miracles, we expect nothing less during the Christmas season.

My family has had our share of miracles around the holidays. God’s provision time and time again. Years ago when I sat down to write this part of Angel Defined, I was shocked when Adam opened his mouth the morning of his Christmas Concert in Moscow and had no voice.

“I went to sing in the shower and nothing came out,” he wrote to Lauren.

I was as shocked as she was until I realized that it just meant God had a Christmas miracle in store for them. When I wrote the scene that follows, I had no idea it would be the turning point in all of my characters’ faiths. It would be the moment they would look back on when doubts came. It would be the hope they clung to. It would be the story they would continue to tell years later of the night the Lord provided at the perfect time. That’s why God brings miracles. Not only for our enjoyment or need but for His glory. For others to be inspired and to draw closer to Him.

I don’t know what you’re lacking this Christmas, but I pray you will find it in the Lord. I don’t know what miracle you are waiting on, but I pray for the peace that surpasses all understand until it comes. Don’t give up, my friend. Christmas is all about miracles and there are still more to come. I’m believing Him for some pretty big ones, but that’s okay because He’s a big God who is able to save. The baby in the manger is proof of that.

~Excerpt from Angel Defined~

“How are you?” Lauren ran her hands down the lapel of his tuxedo jacket ten minutes before the show.

“Okay,” he whispered.

She frowned. “It’s not back yet?”

Adam shook his head.

Lauren sighed.

He found he could whisper around noon. She hoped it would progress into something more before the concert. “Do you think it’ll come back?”

Adam shrugged, scribbled on his pad of paper, God’s here. Whatever happens tonight, He will be glorified.

She nodded after reading the note. A thin smile spread on his lips as he ran his hand down the side of her black, velvet gown. He pointed to her, then moved his open hand across his face, closing it as it passed over, and then opening it at the end. The sign for beautiful. He had spent most of the afternoon hours learning how to compliment Lauren in sign language.

Smiling, she kissed his lips gently. “I need to get to my seat.”

Adam dropped to his knees before her and bowed his head like he’d done before every concert in the past nine months. Tonight felt so different, but in that moment, Lauren realized the purpose remained the same—bring others into God’s presence and glorify His name. With or without a voice, she had assurance that’s what Adam would do.

“Well?” Tyler asked as soon as Lauren sat between him and her father.

She shook her head.

Her dad patted her hand. “God is going to work through this.”

A hand rested on her right shoulder. Lauren turned to see her Russian friend Sarah sitting behind her.

“I’ve been praying for a miracle,” she whispered. “The entire church has.”

“Thank you,” Lauren said. “Please keep praying.”

Her phone vibrated.

Hi Lauren, it’s Jerry. Did his voice come back?

Not yet, but we’re still believing God will heal him.

She closed her eyes after sending the text and inhaled slowly. God, I do believe, she silently prayed. Heal him, for Your glory.

The crowd cheered as the lights dimmed. Adam took his place at the piano center stage. The minute the spotlight went on him, his fingers flew across the keys. “O Little Town of Bethlehem.” The crowd quieted down as his playing intensified. The transition into “O Holy Night” was seamless. Entranced by his playing, the shouts subsided.

Lauren watched as Adam’s eyes closed. He was praying. His voice hadn’t come back.

God, heal him, she prayed as he transitioned into “What Child is This?” Lift the oppression, in Jesus’ name. We know no weapon formed against us will stand, so we pray that You deliver Adam from this attack. Restore his voice and protect him from any others.

***

Tyler inched forward in his seat as Adam played.

God, give him his voice back. You healed him from cancer; healing his voice is no big deal.

Once the crowd calmed down, Adam’s serious expression told Tyler he was praying. Lauren leaned forward, on the edge of her seat, hands folded under her chin.

Adam is so on fire for You, God. Why is this happening to him? If anyone deserves good things, he does.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.”

Tyler and Richard began studying the book of James together on the last part of the flight to Russia. Tyler found that verse odd, until tonight. This was about more than Adam losing his voice. God wanted them all to believe He could do anything. He wanted them to trust Him completely in the easy and the hard times.

“Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

Adam was constantly telling Tyler how important his faith was. Not only did Adam say it, he lived it. Every day. In front of the entire world.

***

Lauren inhaled deeply. “Joy to the World.” This was it. This was when he should sing. Her palms started to sweat. As the intro concluded, Adam opened his mouth slightly, then closed it. He looped back to the beginning of the song. Heart racing, she slipped out of her seat to a kneeling position.

God, I believe You can do anything. If it’s Your will, heal my husband.

***

Tyler recognized “Joy to the World” as he began to play it. Adam opened his mouth, then closed it, returning to the beginning of the song. Lauren dropped to her knees.

C’mon, God, Tyler prayed. You changed my heart. I know nothing is impossible for You, I know—

“Joy to the World, the Lord has come.” The crowd exploded as Adam’s voice burst forth.

Tyler hung his head. Yes, God, nothing is impossible for You.

Lauren immediately lifted her head at the sound of her husband’s voice. A smile danced on his lips as his fingers flew over the keys. “Let earth receive her King. Let every heart prepare Him room, and heaven and nature sing, and heaven and nature sing, and heaven and heaven and nature sing.”

“Good evening, Moscow!” Adam yelled into the microphone. “So glad you’re here to celebrate with me tonight!” Everyone in the arena jumped to their feet. Lauren stood, wiping her tears. Her phone vibrated. She glanced down to a new text from Jerry.

Tell Adam he’s made me a believer.