Mark R. Hunter's Blog, page 12
July 31, 2023
movie review: The Flash
Emily and I decided to get The Flash on demand--which cost less than going to the theater, although I do love action movies on the big screen. As it turns out, maybe that was for the best.
One of the complaints I've heard about The Flash was that the CGI quality was bad. I did notice it a few times, but overall it didn't take me out of the story at all. Maybe that was seeing it on the small screen, or maybe it was because I grew up at a time when special effects were limited to miniature models and animation.
The other complaint is that the star, Ezra Miller, is a violent felon. That's kind of a big deal, and if it's true they should be in prison, or possible a secure mental institution, if those exist any more. I don't have a whole lot of sympathy for that kind of person.
But from a standpoint of the movie, I don't care.
Hollywood is full of terrible people. I'll bet most entertainment projects have at least one person who others should be protected from. I'm surprised when a celebrity turns out not to have skeletons in their proverbial closet. This is becoming more obvious with each passing year.
But I like a movie or I don't, and I loved The Flash. Not only that, but Miller did a great acting job, something I didn't expect in a superhero flick. The entire plot is driven by one tragedy in Barry Allen's past, and Miller gives a performance that could bring a tear to your eye.
Which just goes to show, having talent is only part of what a person is.
I like strong characters, great dialogue, and a nice dose of humor. The Flash also hit on something more specific: I love time travel stories, crossovers, and tales involving a multiverse, the latter being why the Oscars and I finally agreed last year.
The movie starts when Barry Allen/Flash accidentally discovers he can time travel. Despite a warning about the dangers--from Batman, no less, who explains their losses are part of who they are--Barry latches onto the idea that he can save his mother, who died when he was a kid.
He plans his actions carefully, to make the least impact on the timeline and, of course, everything goes horribly wrong. A Big Bad from a previous DC movie shows up, but Superman doesn't exist to defeat him, this time; there don't seem to be any superheroes on this Earth. Barry finds himself trying to save a world that isn't his, anymore.
Other heroes eventually emerge, of course, and one of the joys of The Flash is seeing him and his new allies interacting. (If you've watched the previews, you know who they are.) There are also numerous cameos by other heroes, something I'm sure many people hated that gave me great joy. In the context of the story it makes sense, or at least as much sense movies about costumed meta-humans ever do.
There's also an after-credits scene that throws Barry's normal world on its side, and would beg explanation--if there was to be a sequel. I think it's safe to assume the next Flash will be a different actor in a rebooted universe, so there's no use pondering that.
So yes, we loved The Flash. I think most people, if they can see around the behind-the-scenes trouble, would too. Then again, some people hate superhero movies no matter how good they are, and if any of those people have read this far, I can only ask: why?
Website: http://www.markrhunter.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ozma914/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MarkRHunter914
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/markrhunter/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/MarkRHunter
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@MarkRHunter
Blog: https://markrhunter.blogspot.com/
Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO
Barnes & Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/&quo... R Hunter"
Remember: If you don't like movies, there are always--books.
One of the complaints I've heard about The Flash was that the CGI quality was bad. I did notice it a few times, but overall it didn't take me out of the story at all. Maybe that was seeing it on the small screen, or maybe it was because I grew up at a time when special effects were limited to miniature models and animation.
The other complaint is that the star, Ezra Miller, is a violent felon. That's kind of a big deal, and if it's true they should be in prison, or possible a secure mental institution, if those exist any more. I don't have a whole lot of sympathy for that kind of person.
But from a standpoint of the movie, I don't care.
Hollywood is full of terrible people. I'll bet most entertainment projects have at least one person who others should be protected from. I'm surprised when a celebrity turns out not to have skeletons in their proverbial closet. This is becoming more obvious with each passing year.
But I like a movie or I don't, and I loved The Flash. Not only that, but Miller did a great acting job, something I didn't expect in a superhero flick. The entire plot is driven by one tragedy in Barry Allen's past, and Miller gives a performance that could bring a tear to your eye.
Which just goes to show, having talent is only part of what a person is.
I like strong characters, great dialogue, and a nice dose of humor. The Flash also hit on something more specific: I love time travel stories, crossovers, and tales involving a multiverse, the latter being why the Oscars and I finally agreed last year.
The movie starts when Barry Allen/Flash accidentally discovers he can time travel. Despite a warning about the dangers--from Batman, no less, who explains their losses are part of who they are--Barry latches onto the idea that he can save his mother, who died when he was a kid.
He plans his actions carefully, to make the least impact on the timeline and, of course, everything goes horribly wrong. A Big Bad from a previous DC movie shows up, but Superman doesn't exist to defeat him, this time; there don't seem to be any superheroes on this Earth. Barry finds himself trying to save a world that isn't his, anymore.
Other heroes eventually emerge, of course, and one of the joys of The Flash is seeing him and his new allies interacting. (If you've watched the previews, you know who they are.) There are also numerous cameos by other heroes, something I'm sure many people hated that gave me great joy. In the context of the story it makes sense, or at least as much sense movies about costumed meta-humans ever do.
There's also an after-credits scene that throws Barry's normal world on its side, and would beg explanation--if there was to be a sequel. I think it's safe to assume the next Flash will be a different actor in a rebooted universe, so there's no use pondering that.
So yes, we loved The Flash. I think most people, if they can see around the behind-the-scenes trouble, would too. Then again, some people hate superhero movies no matter how good they are, and if any of those people have read this far, I can only ask: why?
Website: http://www.markrhunter.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ozma914/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MarkRHunter914
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/markrhunter/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/MarkRHunter
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@MarkRHunter
Blog: https://markrhunter.blogspot.com/
Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO
Barnes & Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/&quo... R Hunter"
Remember: If you don't like movies, there are always--books.
July 26, 2023
It's So Hot People Stopped Telling So Hot Jokes
I'm reposting this blog from last summer because, let's face it, you could post something about heat waves every summer. Okay, I'm actually doing it because I was busy working on the Haunted Noble County project and ran out of time. But they're talking about a 100 degree heat index tomorrow--something other parts of the country have been seeing all summer--so it still fits.
_____________________________________________
This week has been so hot, "so hot" jokes have been trending.
There's only so much you can do with them, of course--they've been around a long time. One of the original European settlers, in the Roanoke Colony of Virginia, left a note that said "it's so hot we're moving to Plymouth". The settlers were never heard from again, after apparently getting lost on the Washington, D.C. beltway.
Just the same, it's been so hot even I've been uncomfortable, not that I'd admit it. I'd still take a heat wave over a cold snap, but that doesn't mean I like either one. I went out to mow the lawn at 9 a.m. the other day, and ended up going through five water bottles: Three in me and two over me. It was so hot the lawn mower started flashing an error light that said "water me".
I didn't know it even had error lights.
Fun fact: In order to clean my mower you have to connect a garden hose, which sprays water all over the inside of the mower deck while it runs, to clean the grass off. So, you DO have to water it.
Naturally, it's not just the heat up here. Last week was so humid that, after I mowed, I had to step into the shower to dry off. Relax, I'm not posting any photos of that.
Anything that was in full sunlight started to glow red, unless it was already red, in which case it started to glow orange. The fire hydrant down the street called me over and begged me to let my dog pee on it. I refused, being worried about steam burns.
At one point the humidity level was 140%, which translated to a heat index of, and I quote, "broil". Jim Cantore came over from The Weather Channel to investigate how the humidity can actually be higher than 100%, and his cameraman drowned. Meanwhile, three people were blinded when the sun shone of Cantore's head. He was heard to say, "I'd rather have thundersnow". Speak for yourself, fella.
But I took advantage of it by letting the air conditioner drain its water into a bucket outside, then using the bucket to water my plants. By the way, if anyone needs any planters, I, uh, killed all my flowers with scalding water.
It's been especially rough for people who don't have air conditioners--or for people with no power at all, including the ones hit by the most recent thunderstorms and derechos. (It is too a real word--shut up, spell check.)
I tried to honor their crisis by going outside, at least long enough to mow the lawn. Their general response was that I was crazy, and could they stop by for several hours?
Anyway, eventually I had to go out again, to let the dog water that hydrant. The dog's response? "Um, no thanks ... I'll hold it."
Website: http://www.markrhunter.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ozma914/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MarkRHunter914
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/markrhunter/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/MarkRHunter
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@MarkRHunter
Blog: https://markrhunter.blogspot.com/
Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO
Barnes & Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/&quo... R Hunter"
Remember, every time you forget to hydrate a writer passes out. They have enough problems.
_____________________________________________
This week has been so hot, "so hot" jokes have been trending.
There's only so much you can do with them, of course--they've been around a long time. One of the original European settlers, in the Roanoke Colony of Virginia, left a note that said "it's so hot we're moving to Plymouth". The settlers were never heard from again, after apparently getting lost on the Washington, D.C. beltway.
Just the same, it's been so hot even I've been uncomfortable, not that I'd admit it. I'd still take a heat wave over a cold snap, but that doesn't mean I like either one. I went out to mow the lawn at 9 a.m. the other day, and ended up going through five water bottles: Three in me and two over me. It was so hot the lawn mower started flashing an error light that said "water me".
I didn't know it even had error lights.
Fun fact: In order to clean my mower you have to connect a garden hose, which sprays water all over the inside of the mower deck while it runs, to clean the grass off. So, you DO have to water it.
Naturally, it's not just the heat up here. Last week was so humid that, after I mowed, I had to step into the shower to dry off. Relax, I'm not posting any photos of that.
Anything that was in full sunlight started to glow red, unless it was already red, in which case it started to glow orange. The fire hydrant down the street called me over and begged me to let my dog pee on it. I refused, being worried about steam burns.
At one point the humidity level was 140%, which translated to a heat index of, and I quote, "broil". Jim Cantore came over from The Weather Channel to investigate how the humidity can actually be higher than 100%, and his cameraman drowned. Meanwhile, three people were blinded when the sun shone of Cantore's head. He was heard to say, "I'd rather have thundersnow". Speak for yourself, fella.
But I took advantage of it by letting the air conditioner drain its water into a bucket outside, then using the bucket to water my plants. By the way, if anyone needs any planters, I, uh, killed all my flowers with scalding water.
It's been especially rough for people who don't have air conditioners--or for people with no power at all, including the ones hit by the most recent thunderstorms and derechos. (It is too a real word--shut up, spell check.)
I tried to honor their crisis by going outside, at least long enough to mow the lawn. Their general response was that I was crazy, and could they stop by for several hours?
Anyway, eventually I had to go out again, to let the dog water that hydrant. The dog's response? "Um, no thanks ... I'll hold it."
Website: http://www.markrhunter.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ozma914/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MarkRHunter914
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/markrhunter/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/MarkRHunter
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@MarkRHunter
Blog: https://markrhunter.blogspot.com/
Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO
Barnes & Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/&quo... R Hunter"
Remember, every time you forget to hydrate a writer passes out. They have enough problems.
July 21, 2023
Writers Live On Reviews and Caffeine, and Sometimes Sales
So, I have a request for all of you out there. Well, those of you who read. Well, those of you who read my stuff. Well, those of you who like reading my stuff.
Or even if you don't, what the heck.
As all of you know--well, some of you--we just re-released my first published novel, Storm Chaser. Thanks to Emily for doing ...
Everything. My wife did everything. Every now and then she'd toss me a proof copy, I'd leaf through it, and she'd go back to doing all that stuff she did. I did nothing, I admit it. Happy now?
Anyway, there's what it looks like. Yes, Emily put the cover together, based on the old one. But there's one thing she couldn't do: transfer all the reviews of the original edition onto this new one. Which is here:
https://www.amazon.com/Storm-Chaser-M...
According to Goodreads, Storm Chaser collected 15 reviews and 27 ratings, which isn't great but beats the heck out of how many reviews I've gotten for Summer Jobs Are Murder (which hasn't been published yet). The problem is, according to Amazon I now have exactly three reviews. Which, at least, is easy to count. (Why those three stayed, I have no idea.)
So I'm asking everyone who has or does purchase the book, on Kindle or in print, to leave me a review. I don't know if Amazon will allow reviewers to post on the new book if they bought the old book, but if it doesn't you could at least leave yours on Goodreads, or the review place of your choice, up to and including bathroom stalls.
Just don't put my phone number there.
In return for your help I will ... hm ... dance.
No. No, that's a terrible idea. It's asking for another month of ice and ibuprofen. But I will be very grateful, because online reviews really do matter, especially on Amazon. No one really knows how Amazon's algorithms work, and I don't really know what an algorithm is, but I'm told the more reviews you have, the more likely you are to be seen.
People who see, buy. If enough people buy, I can write more. It's the circle of write.
Beware the old version. You'll probably still see it here and there, so I should warn you it's probably more expensive.
Website: http://www.markrhunter.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ozma914/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MarkRHunter914
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/markrhunter/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/MarkRHunter
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@MarkRHunter
Blog: https://markrhunter.blogspot.com/
Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO
Barnes & Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/&quo... R Hunter"
Remember, every time you don't leave a review, an angel loses his hair. You don't want bald angels.
Or even if you don't, what the heck.
As all of you know--well, some of you--we just re-released my first published novel, Storm Chaser. Thanks to Emily for doing ...
Everything. My wife did everything. Every now and then she'd toss me a proof copy, I'd leaf through it, and she'd go back to doing all that stuff she did. I did nothing, I admit it. Happy now?
Anyway, there's what it looks like. Yes, Emily put the cover together, based on the old one. But there's one thing she couldn't do: transfer all the reviews of the original edition onto this new one. Which is here:
https://www.amazon.com/Storm-Chaser-M...
According to Goodreads, Storm Chaser collected 15 reviews and 27 ratings, which isn't great but beats the heck out of how many reviews I've gotten for Summer Jobs Are Murder (which hasn't been published yet). The problem is, according to Amazon I now have exactly three reviews. Which, at least, is easy to count. (Why those three stayed, I have no idea.)
So I'm asking everyone who has or does purchase the book, on Kindle or in print, to leave me a review. I don't know if Amazon will allow reviewers to post on the new book if they bought the old book, but if it doesn't you could at least leave yours on Goodreads, or the review place of your choice, up to and including bathroom stalls.
Just don't put my phone number there.
In return for your help I will ... hm ... dance.
No. No, that's a terrible idea. It's asking for another month of ice and ibuprofen. But I will be very grateful, because online reviews really do matter, especially on Amazon. No one really knows how Amazon's algorithms work, and I don't really know what an algorithm is, but I'm told the more reviews you have, the more likely you are to be seen.
People who see, buy. If enough people buy, I can write more. It's the circle of write.
Beware the old version. You'll probably still see it here and there, so I should warn you it's probably more expensive.
Website: http://www.markrhunter.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ozma914/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MarkRHunter914
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/markrhunter/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/MarkRHunter
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@MarkRHunter
Blog: https://markrhunter.blogspot.com/
Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO
Barnes & Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/&quo... R Hunter"
Remember, every time you don't leave a review, an angel loses his hair. You don't want bald angels.
July 17, 2023
Reviews of Indiana Jones and The Guardians of The Galaxy, and Stuff
It's been such a crazy month I was just going to throw out one of my pre-written blogs. (I save up, just as I did with my newspaper column, in case of crazy months.) But instead here are a few quick things for whoever might happen to be reading blogs in the middle of summer.
Emily and I have only gone out to the movies twice this year, most recently to see Indiana Jones and The Dial of Destiny.
Yes, Harrison Ford gets the CGI treatment for a flashback; yes, it's really well done; no, it's not distracting unless you make it be. Yes, there are Nazis and time travel, although they don't combine in the way I expected. Yes, you can tell Ford is too old for this crap in "modern" times, which in this case is 1969; in fact, they hang a lantern on it more than once.
Jones has come across hard times due to a family tragedy. He's retiring from a teaching job in a small New York college (Hunter College, no relation), and doesn't have much to look forward until his goddaughter shows up, looking for a piece of ancient tech made by the Greek inventor Archimedes himself. Unfortunately, a whole bunch of people with guns are right on her heels.
And that's all I'll say about the plot, other than that, like any good Indiana Jones movie, there's a macguffin, and the Nazis want it. We get great action sequences, exotic locations, callbacks to earlier movies, and cameos from some favorite characters. It also gets murky from time to time, both in plot and when the action is a little too fast and/or a little too dark.
Is it worth a movie ticket? Yes. I'd put it as the third best Indiana Jones movie, after the original and the other one with Nazis.
Meanwhile the apparently last Guardians of the Galaxy movie also came out, and was awesome on the big screen. But be warned: It gets dark, mostly because it includes the origin story of Rocket Raccoon, and it is NOT a fun origin story.
I won't go into detail, because it's been out long enough now that you've probably either seen it or decided not to, but it's one of the better Marvel movies of recent years and well worth seeing in the theater. You might tear up once or twice, though, so bring a tissue or wait until it's on video.
Otherwise I just have my usual stuff. Coming Attractions remains a free ebook on Smashwords until the end of the month:
https://www.smashwords.com/profile/vi...
The new versions of Storm Chaser and Storm Squalls are on Amazon, and hopefully other locations soon:
https://www.amazon.com/stores/Mark-R-...
That author interview is still up on a Canvas Rebel:
https://canvasrebel.com/meet-mark-r-h...
And I miss the dog. Here's hoping Canada gets rain--but not too much--and the rest of summer goes more smoothly for everyone.
Website: http://www.markrhunter.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ozma914/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MarkRHunter914
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/markrhunter/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/MarkRHunter
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@MarkRHunter
Other: https://markrhunter.blogspot.com/
Emily and I have only gone out to the movies twice this year, most recently to see Indiana Jones and The Dial of Destiny.
Yes, Harrison Ford gets the CGI treatment for a flashback; yes, it's really well done; no, it's not distracting unless you make it be. Yes, there are Nazis and time travel, although they don't combine in the way I expected. Yes, you can tell Ford is too old for this crap in "modern" times, which in this case is 1969; in fact, they hang a lantern on it more than once.
Jones has come across hard times due to a family tragedy. He's retiring from a teaching job in a small New York college (Hunter College, no relation), and doesn't have much to look forward until his goddaughter shows up, looking for a piece of ancient tech made by the Greek inventor Archimedes himself. Unfortunately, a whole bunch of people with guns are right on her heels.
And that's all I'll say about the plot, other than that, like any good Indiana Jones movie, there's a macguffin, and the Nazis want it. We get great action sequences, exotic locations, callbacks to earlier movies, and cameos from some favorite characters. It also gets murky from time to time, both in plot and when the action is a little too fast and/or a little too dark.
Is it worth a movie ticket? Yes. I'd put it as the third best Indiana Jones movie, after the original and the other one with Nazis.
Meanwhile the apparently last Guardians of the Galaxy movie also came out, and was awesome on the big screen. But be warned: It gets dark, mostly because it includes the origin story of Rocket Raccoon, and it is NOT a fun origin story.
I won't go into detail, because it's been out long enough now that you've probably either seen it or decided not to, but it's one of the better Marvel movies of recent years and well worth seeing in the theater. You might tear up once or twice, though, so bring a tissue or wait until it's on video.
Otherwise I just have my usual stuff. Coming Attractions remains a free ebook on Smashwords until the end of the month:
https://www.smashwords.com/profile/vi...
The new versions of Storm Chaser and Storm Squalls are on Amazon, and hopefully other locations soon:
https://www.amazon.com/stores/Mark-R-...
That author interview is still up on a Canvas Rebel:
https://canvasrebel.com/meet-mark-r-h...
And I miss the dog. Here's hoping Canada gets rain--but not too much--and the rest of summer goes more smoothly for everyone.
Website: http://www.markrhunter.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ozma914/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MarkRHunter914
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/markrhunter/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/MarkRHunter
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@MarkRHunter
Other: https://markrhunter.blogspot.com/
July 7, 2023
Coming Attractions Free In July
(I have to keep reminding people--I want them to get that free book!)
In case you missed it, from now until July 31st we'll be participating in the Smashwords Summer/Winter sale!
Because it's summer up here and winter down under, you see. I'm sure it made sense to them at the time. And let's face it: For most people, July is either too hot or too cold to go out anyway, so you might as well read a good book.
My Smashwords novel is Coming Attractions, a romantic comedy set, yes, during summer in northern Indiana. I'm happy when someone buys a print copy, but in July you can get it on e-book for free, which is almost a dollar less than its normal 99 cent cost. I do math. I do, too.
The catch: It's part of the Smashwords promotion, which means, let's face it, that you have to get it on Smashwords. That would follow, wouldn't it? But you can get it there on on epub, mobi, and pdf formats, or as an original document. It should be readable to anyone with an e-reader, cell phone, or computer. (Due to recent air quality problems, Smashwords has canceled their smoke signal program.)
All the participating authors can be found here: https://www.smashwords.com/shelves/pr... starting, as mentioned, on July 1st. If you want to go directly to my account, it's at https://www.smashwords.com/profile/vi.... There you'll also find the two fiction anthologies I have stories in, also at the attractive cost of zero.
This is indie author territory, and indie authors could always use the help. So please, check it out and share the promo with your friends and family, and anyone looking for their next favorite book.
Happy reading!
As usual, all our books can be found at:
http://markrhunter.com/
https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/&quo... R Hunter"
Remember, people who don't take free books get laughed at by their pets. You already amuse your cat enough.
In case you missed it, from now until July 31st we'll be participating in the Smashwords Summer/Winter sale!
Because it's summer up here and winter down under, you see. I'm sure it made sense to them at the time. And let's face it: For most people, July is either too hot or too cold to go out anyway, so you might as well read a good book.
My Smashwords novel is Coming Attractions, a romantic comedy set, yes, during summer in northern Indiana. I'm happy when someone buys a print copy, but in July you can get it on e-book for free, which is almost a dollar less than its normal 99 cent cost. I do math. I do, too.
The catch: It's part of the Smashwords promotion, which means, let's face it, that you have to get it on Smashwords. That would follow, wouldn't it? But you can get it there on on epub, mobi, and pdf formats, or as an original document. It should be readable to anyone with an e-reader, cell phone, or computer. (Due to recent air quality problems, Smashwords has canceled their smoke signal program.)
All the participating authors can be found here: https://www.smashwords.com/shelves/pr... starting, as mentioned, on July 1st. If you want to go directly to my account, it's at https://www.smashwords.com/profile/vi.... There you'll also find the two fiction anthologies I have stories in, also at the attractive cost of zero.
This is indie author territory, and indie authors could always use the help. So please, check it out and share the promo with your friends and family, and anyone looking for their next favorite book.
Happy reading!
As usual, all our books can be found at:
http://markrhunter.com/
https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/&quo... R Hunter"
Remember, people who don't take free books get laughed at by their pets. You already amuse your cat enough.
July 3, 2023
Happy July Second, Kevlar!
John Adams, signer of the Declaration of Independence, Second U.S. President, and all around unpleasant guy, had this to say about America's Independence Day:
"It ought to be solemnized with Pomp and Parade, with Shows, Games, Sports, Guns, Bells, Bonfires and Illuminations, from one End of this Continent to the other, from this Time forward--forever more."
In other words, he thought it would be a pretty big deal, and he was right. Those Founding Fathers, they were smart cookies. Adams, Tom Jefferson, the guy who kept putting his John Hancock on things, and of course Bill, the Earl of Rights ... They were generally good, smart men, who only wanted to, you know, overturn the government.
Of course John Adams also said this:
"The Second Day of July 1776, will be the most memorable Epoch in the History of America."
Wait.
The Second?
Nobody's perfect.
Actually, Adams had a point: The Continental Congress did indeed approve a motion to change the United Colonies into the United States on July 2. It was the first big bureaucratic boondoggle, requiring the government to print up new letterheads, buy rubber stamps, and change the seal on the Presidential Podium. Not to mention they had to fund an army.
But, in yet another classic case of putting the cart full of red tape before the red, white and blue horse, the Congress then spent two days editing the Declaration of Independence before they finally approved it--on July 4th. So that date got printed at the top, and eventually led to our National holiday.
The Founders didn't care. They hated John Adams so much that they didn't take any of his suggestions for bells, bonfires and such, anyway. Adams' last words, as he died on July 4th, 1826, were: "Thomas Jefferson still survives. Why isn't he setting off fireworks?"
Adams didn't know that Jefferson had died five hours earlier. Jefferson's last recorded words were: "Is it the Fourth?" When offered painkiller, he added, "No, doctor, nothing more. Make no noise that would make that ass Adams think we're celebrating."
As a result, the first recorded noise complaint to police didn't take place until the night of August 24th, 1814, in the city of Washington. I just happen to have transcripts of the call to police:
"This noise has been going on for hours. I have kids, and I have to get up early to go to work!"
"Sir, you don't understand: The British are burning Washington!"
"Well ... can't they do it more quietly?"
Ironically, the first recorded celebration of Independence Day was on September 13 of that same year, 1814, during The War of 1812.
(I suppose it's for the best that we didn't call it The War of 1812-1815, which doesn't roll off the tongue so well.)
The British were not huge John Adams fans. Still, they had it on good authority that Adams was busy in Massachusetts, debating with its legislature the best way to spell Massachusetts. (A name definitely decided by committee.) So they brought all their cannon, mortars, and rockets, in an attempt to crash the party being thrown at Baltimore's Fort McHenry.
But the Americans manning the fort had a secret weapon: a giant American flag, made of Kevlar.
Most people think Kevlar was introduced in 1971, but in reality Benjamin Franklin invented it accidentally in 1784, while trying to invent a stronger condom. Apparently he was still fuming about his son William being named Governor of New Jersey--royal Governor of the colony of New Jersey, on behalf of the King. Not long before he died, Franklin was heard to say, "I'll never have another child! ... well, hello, ladies!"
It's not recorded where he said this.
The Kevlar was adapted into a flag, allegedly by one of Franklin's great-grand-daughters, and repelled everything the British could throw at it. This led an onlooker to write a poem that was later turned into a song:
Oh, say, can you see,
blocking Franklin's pee-pee?
No latex surrounding--
but this stuff can take a pounding.
The lyrics were later changed by the Daughters of the American Revolution.
So it took a lot of time and history type stuff, but in the end Adams was right about the holiday, if not the date. From one end of the continent to the other, we make noise, flash lights, burn stuff, and generally annoy each other. I'm not sure if everyone doing that stuff actually gets why ...
But we're still here.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Don't forget, there's an author interview with me up at Canvas Rebel:
canvasrebel.com/meet-mark-r-hunter/
That the new Storm Chaser and Storm Squalls are up for sale on Amazon:
https://www.amazon.com/stores/Mark-R-...
And that the Coming Attractions ebook is free for July on Smashwords:
https://www.smashwords.com/profile/vi...
http://markrhunter.com/
https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/&quo... R Hunter"
And remember: Starving authors don’t WANT to starve.
"It ought to be solemnized with Pomp and Parade, with Shows, Games, Sports, Guns, Bells, Bonfires and Illuminations, from one End of this Continent to the other, from this Time forward--forever more."
In other words, he thought it would be a pretty big deal, and he was right. Those Founding Fathers, they were smart cookies. Adams, Tom Jefferson, the guy who kept putting his John Hancock on things, and of course Bill, the Earl of Rights ... They were generally good, smart men, who only wanted to, you know, overturn the government.
Of course John Adams also said this:
"The Second Day of July 1776, will be the most memorable Epoch in the History of America."
Wait.
The Second?
Nobody's perfect.
Actually, Adams had a point: The Continental Congress did indeed approve a motion to change the United Colonies into the United States on July 2. It was the first big bureaucratic boondoggle, requiring the government to print up new letterheads, buy rubber stamps, and change the seal on the Presidential Podium. Not to mention they had to fund an army.
But, in yet another classic case of putting the cart full of red tape before the red, white and blue horse, the Congress then spent two days editing the Declaration of Independence before they finally approved it--on July 4th. So that date got printed at the top, and eventually led to our National holiday.
The Founders didn't care. They hated John Adams so much that they didn't take any of his suggestions for bells, bonfires and such, anyway. Adams' last words, as he died on July 4th, 1826, were: "Thomas Jefferson still survives. Why isn't he setting off fireworks?"
Adams didn't know that Jefferson had died five hours earlier. Jefferson's last recorded words were: "Is it the Fourth?" When offered painkiller, he added, "No, doctor, nothing more. Make no noise that would make that ass Adams think we're celebrating."
As a result, the first recorded noise complaint to police didn't take place until the night of August 24th, 1814, in the city of Washington. I just happen to have transcripts of the call to police:
"This noise has been going on for hours. I have kids, and I have to get up early to go to work!"
"Sir, you don't understand: The British are burning Washington!"
"Well ... can't they do it more quietly?"
Ironically, the first recorded celebration of Independence Day was on September 13 of that same year, 1814, during The War of 1812.
(I suppose it's for the best that we didn't call it The War of 1812-1815, which doesn't roll off the tongue so well.)
The British were not huge John Adams fans. Still, they had it on good authority that Adams was busy in Massachusetts, debating with its legislature the best way to spell Massachusetts. (A name definitely decided by committee.) So they brought all their cannon, mortars, and rockets, in an attempt to crash the party being thrown at Baltimore's Fort McHenry.
But the Americans manning the fort had a secret weapon: a giant American flag, made of Kevlar.
Most people think Kevlar was introduced in 1971, but in reality Benjamin Franklin invented it accidentally in 1784, while trying to invent a stronger condom. Apparently he was still fuming about his son William being named Governor of New Jersey--royal Governor of the colony of New Jersey, on behalf of the King. Not long before he died, Franklin was heard to say, "I'll never have another child! ... well, hello, ladies!"
It's not recorded where he said this.
The Kevlar was adapted into a flag, allegedly by one of Franklin's great-grand-daughters, and repelled everything the British could throw at it. This led an onlooker to write a poem that was later turned into a song:
Oh, say, can you see,
blocking Franklin's pee-pee?
No latex surrounding--
but this stuff can take a pounding.
The lyrics were later changed by the Daughters of the American Revolution.
So it took a lot of time and history type stuff, but in the end Adams was right about the holiday, if not the date. From one end of the continent to the other, we make noise, flash lights, burn stuff, and generally annoy each other. I'm not sure if everyone doing that stuff actually gets why ...
But we're still here.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Don't forget, there's an author interview with me up at Canvas Rebel:
canvasrebel.com/meet-mark-r-hunter/
That the new Storm Chaser and Storm Squalls are up for sale on Amazon:
https://www.amazon.com/stores/Mark-R-...
And that the Coming Attractions ebook is free for July on Smashwords:
https://www.smashwords.com/profile/vi...
http://markrhunter.com/
https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/&quo... R Hunter"
And remember: Starving authors don’t WANT to starve.
June 28, 2023
New Author Interview, New Old Book and July's Book Giveaway
There's a new interview of me up on a website called Canvas Rebel:
canvasrebel.com/meet-mark-r-hunter/
It's basically an online magazine covering business, arts, and various creative types. Their main page is at https://canvasrebel.com/, where you can check out all the people who make me look like a slacker. It was a fun interview, although looking back at it I'm not sure my answers were more than indirectly related to the questions. I've been known to go off on tangents.
I just noticed, the opening calls me brilliant and insightful. It just goes to show how good I am at faking it.
I also wanted to remind everyone that the updated and less expensive version of Storm Chaser and its short story collection sequel, Storm Squalls, are both out on Amazon. We're going to get Storm Chaser up on other sites and on the website as soon as life calms down just a little and we can see what we're doing through the Canadian wildfire smoke. Until then you can find our books here:
https://www.amazon.com/stores/Mark-R-...
I promised that if I sell a hundred copies by the end of summer I'd recite one of my own poems and post it to the internet. This is not necessarily an encouragement, so remember that if I sell a thousand copies, I promise NOT to recite one of my poems. I mean, I wouldn't know iambic if it kicked me in the pentameter.
The good news is, if a thousand copies sell by the end of summer I promise not to read poetry aloud. So get the word out.
Oh, and finally don't forget the Smashwords Winter/Summer sale, where you can get Coming Attractions for free on ebook, in July. That's way less than ... well, anything. I'll be hanging out here:
https://www.smashwords.com/profile/vi...
I'll remind you again at the beginning of the month, 'cause that's what I do.
Wow, this has turned out to be a link-based blog. Well, then, I'll say goodbye with some links to my various online stuff. Some of them, anyway:
Website: http://www.markrhunter.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ozma914/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MarkRHunter914
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/markrhunter/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/MarkRHunter
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@MarkRHunter
Other: https://markrhunter.blogspot.com/
And remember: No one ever died from reading too much. Maybe incidental things like forgetting to eat, but not from the reading.
canvasrebel.com/meet-mark-r-hunter/
It's basically an online magazine covering business, arts, and various creative types. Their main page is at https://canvasrebel.com/, where you can check out all the people who make me look like a slacker. It was a fun interview, although looking back at it I'm not sure my answers were more than indirectly related to the questions. I've been known to go off on tangents.
I just noticed, the opening calls me brilliant and insightful. It just goes to show how good I am at faking it.
I also wanted to remind everyone that the updated and less expensive version of Storm Chaser and its short story collection sequel, Storm Squalls, are both out on Amazon. We're going to get Storm Chaser up on other sites and on the website as soon as life calms down just a little and we can see what we're doing through the Canadian wildfire smoke. Until then you can find our books here:
https://www.amazon.com/stores/Mark-R-...
I promised that if I sell a hundred copies by the end of summer I'd recite one of my own poems and post it to the internet. This is not necessarily an encouragement, so remember that if I sell a thousand copies, I promise NOT to recite one of my poems. I mean, I wouldn't know iambic if it kicked me in the pentameter.
The good news is, if a thousand copies sell by the end of summer I promise not to read poetry aloud. So get the word out.
Oh, and finally don't forget the Smashwords Winter/Summer sale, where you can get Coming Attractions for free on ebook, in July. That's way less than ... well, anything. I'll be hanging out here:
https://www.smashwords.com/profile/vi...
I'll remind you again at the beginning of the month, 'cause that's what I do.
Wow, this has turned out to be a link-based blog. Well, then, I'll say goodbye with some links to my various online stuff. Some of them, anyway:
Website: http://www.markrhunter.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ozma914/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MarkRHunter914
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/markrhunter/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/MarkRHunter
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@MarkRHunter
Other: https://markrhunter.blogspot.com/
And remember: No one ever died from reading too much. Maybe incidental things like forgetting to eat, but not from the reading.
June 24, 2023
My next book is my last book: Storm Chaser is back!
A few years ago we got the publishing rights back to our Storm Chaser series of books: Storm Chaser, Storm Chaser Shorts, and The Notorious Ian Grant. Our plan was to independently publish all three.
Sales had been flat, and the publisher that bought the publisher that bought the books (!) left their pricing (in my opinion) too high for a little known author. $3.99 is a great Kindle buy for a Steven King novel, but few people had heard of Mark R. Hunter.
(Many of those who did thought I was the CEO of Molson Coors Brewing Company. I once got a nasty e-mail from someone who didn't like how I was running my baseball team.)
Well, COVID happened, along with a bunch of other unforeseen problems of various kinds, but here it is!
We made a few edits, but basically it's the same story (a little R-rated in a couple of places) at a much lower price: The e-book version is $1.50 instead of $3.99, and the print version $14 instead of $16.99. (Printing costs are killing everyone.) Check it out here:
https://www.amazon.com/Storm-Chaser-M...
Storm Chaser is a romantic comedy pairing a Californian disaster photographer with an Indiana State Trooper who hates photographers—and Californians. I have a feeling he’ll come around … but meanwhile, who’s causing emergencies in his home area, just in time for her to photograph them?
There are still original editions of the book wandering around out there, with the same character on the cover. It seemed best to make the new cover different, but not too different.
We did get Storm Chaser Shorts, now titled Storm Squalls, out last year.
It can be found here, https://www.amazon.com/Storm-Squalls-..., also at a lower cost.
I haven't been advertising Storm Squalls because most of the stories take place after the events of Storm Chaser--but now Storm Chaser is officially on the virtual bookshelves, so I can promote the heck out of both in between working on new projects. We're going to get The Notorious Ian Grant back up too, but it might have to wait until autumn.
But wait ... there's more!
Coming Attractions will be FREE on ebook in July, part of the Smashwords July summer/winter sale.
Participating authors can be found here: https://www.smashwords.com/shelves/pr..., starting July 1st, and my account is at https://www.smashwords.com/profile/vi.... There you'll also find the two fiction anthologies I have stories in, also at the attractive cost of zero.
More about that later, but I wanted to give everyone a heads up.
By the way, my YA novel The No-Campfire Girls is also in the Storm Chaser universe, as it shares some of the same characters.
http://markrhunter.com/
https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/&quo... R Hunter"
If we sell a hundred books by the end of summer, I'll recite one of my humor poems online. If we sell a thousand by the end of summer, I promise I WON'T recite poetry online.
Sales had been flat, and the publisher that bought the publisher that bought the books (!) left their pricing (in my opinion) too high for a little known author. $3.99 is a great Kindle buy for a Steven King novel, but few people had heard of Mark R. Hunter.
(Many of those who did thought I was the CEO of Molson Coors Brewing Company. I once got a nasty e-mail from someone who didn't like how I was running my baseball team.)
Well, COVID happened, along with a bunch of other unforeseen problems of various kinds, but here it is!
We made a few edits, but basically it's the same story (a little R-rated in a couple of places) at a much lower price: The e-book version is $1.50 instead of $3.99, and the print version $14 instead of $16.99. (Printing costs are killing everyone.) Check it out here:
https://www.amazon.com/Storm-Chaser-M...
Storm Chaser is a romantic comedy pairing a Californian disaster photographer with an Indiana State Trooper who hates photographers—and Californians. I have a feeling he’ll come around … but meanwhile, who’s causing emergencies in his home area, just in time for her to photograph them?
There are still original editions of the book wandering around out there, with the same character on the cover. It seemed best to make the new cover different, but not too different.
We did get Storm Chaser Shorts, now titled Storm Squalls, out last year.
It can be found here, https://www.amazon.com/Storm-Squalls-..., also at a lower cost.
I haven't been advertising Storm Squalls because most of the stories take place after the events of Storm Chaser--but now Storm Chaser is officially on the virtual bookshelves, so I can promote the heck out of both in between working on new projects. We're going to get The Notorious Ian Grant back up too, but it might have to wait until autumn.
But wait ... there's more!
Coming Attractions will be FREE on ebook in July, part of the Smashwords July summer/winter sale.
Participating authors can be found here: https://www.smashwords.com/shelves/pr..., starting July 1st, and my account is at https://www.smashwords.com/profile/vi.... There you'll also find the two fiction anthologies I have stories in, also at the attractive cost of zero.
More about that later, but I wanted to give everyone a heads up.
By the way, my YA novel The No-Campfire Girls is also in the Storm Chaser universe, as it shares some of the same characters.
http://markrhunter.com/
https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/&quo... R Hunter"
If we sell a hundred books by the end of summer, I'll recite one of my humor poems online. If we sell a thousand by the end of summer, I promise I WON'T recite poetry online.
June 19, 2023
book review: Fire & Heist, by Sarah Beth Hurst
Being a teenage girl is difficult enough, without your mother vanishing, your boyfriend breaking up with you, and being a wyvern--a weredragon. As if werewolves aren't bad enough. Then there's the fact that to gain her social standing in the wyvern society, Sky Hawkins has to commit a heist.
Naturally, Sky tackles the same heist her mother tried: the one that led to the downfall of her family's fortunes, and her mother's disappearance.
https://www.amazon.com/Fire-Heist-Sar...
Sarah Beth Hurst has created a society in which the weredragons, outcasts from another world, live uneasily among the human population of Earth, and practice burglary to cement their place in society. Sky's mother apparently fled after committing the worst sin of her people: Getting caught.
Sky assembles her unique team against the wishes of her father and brothers, who are trying to keep their heads down while Sky stirs the same pot that caused their problems to begin with. It's typical youthful rebellion, and leads to an adventure that changes everything.
Sarah Beth Hurst's young adult novel gives us a rich story and fun characters, presented in a straightforward way, and that makes me want to read more of her stuff. Maybe I'm still a young adult at heart, but there's something to be said with presenting an adventure story without a lot of gore or doom and gloom. Just the same, there are secrets and dark forces at work in this universe.
You can tell Hurst put a lot of work into world building, and it pays off with the characters of two different worlds who, as in real life, do dumb stuff, keep secrets, and generally act like people. Um, weredragons. The story has some great twists, and if Sky's romantic problems are solved in a way that seems a little too pat ... well, no book is perfect.
http://markrhunter.com/
https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/&quo... R Hunter"
Naturally, Sky tackles the same heist her mother tried: the one that led to the downfall of her family's fortunes, and her mother's disappearance.
https://www.amazon.com/Fire-Heist-Sar...
Sarah Beth Hurst has created a society in which the weredragons, outcasts from another world, live uneasily among the human population of Earth, and practice burglary to cement their place in society. Sky's mother apparently fled after committing the worst sin of her people: Getting caught.
Sky assembles her unique team against the wishes of her father and brothers, who are trying to keep their heads down while Sky stirs the same pot that caused their problems to begin with. It's typical youthful rebellion, and leads to an adventure that changes everything.
Sarah Beth Hurst's young adult novel gives us a rich story and fun characters, presented in a straightforward way, and that makes me want to read more of her stuff. Maybe I'm still a young adult at heart, but there's something to be said with presenting an adventure story without a lot of gore or doom and gloom. Just the same, there are secrets and dark forces at work in this universe.
You can tell Hurst put a lot of work into world building, and it pays off with the characters of two different worlds who, as in real life, do dumb stuff, keep secrets, and generally act like people. Um, weredragons. The story has some great twists, and if Sky's romantic problems are solved in a way that seems a little too pat ... well, no book is perfect.
http://markrhunter.com/
https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/&quo... R Hunter"
June 14, 2023
Finding The Cure for Chicago traffic
Seven years ago, I swore I would never, EVER drive in Chicago again.
Last Saturday, we drove to Chicago. Again.
It was for the same reason as last time, to see The Cure in concert. The Cure's music is ... well ... it's been called post-punk, gothic rock, new wave, and alternative. Robert Smith has fronted the band since the late 70s, so I assume it wasn't all that at the same time. Oddly, while I don't care for those types of music, I actually like The Cure. Not the way Emily does. Not "we have to go to Chicago to see them play". No, sir. But I love my wife, and proved yet again that I'm willing to put my life on the line for her.
The venue was different from last time, giving me the hope it wouldn't be as far into the city.
It wasn't as close. It was closer. We actually drove between the skyscrapers at one point. We experienced our version of "The Suicide Squad".
The place is called The United Center. As I understand it, some sports-ball team plays in it when concert season is over. The Bills, or the Bulls, or the Boobs, something like that.
We got the nosebleed seats, but I didn't realize how literal that was. Our seats were in the very last row of a stadium that seats 23,500 people (sold out), and to get there we had to buy rock climbing equipment and hire a sherpa. It never occured to me that anyone would put in sections so steep that your toes are at the level of the next fan's head, which I'm sure has caused a fight or two. The place had to have been built in the 50s--no way would authorities allow such a fall risk these days. If I'd slipped on the top step, I'd have kept tumbling until I bowled over the drummer.
(I checked: It opened in 1994. They probably had some celebratory hang gliders launch from our position that day.)
And the band? Well, the band was great, but I wish I'd brought my telescope. They looked like little Polly Pockets, if you remember those. Kind of micro-dolls. There were two big TV monitors beside the stage, but we could barely see those either, especially once the questionable smoke started to rise from the audience.
As you can see from the above photo, we actually had a seat right in the center. Cool, right? The crowd is shining their cell phones to bring the band back for an encore. I don't know what encores are in other places, but this was more like the halftime show.
The Cure started a little late, and after that "encore" we walked out to the parking lot, got in the car, and ... sat there. Driving to the venue had been a lot like the asteroid field in "Star Wars V: Crazy Drivers Strike Back". So we decided to let things clear a little, and the more we thought about it, the more we let things clear.
We were, in fact, the last car through the exit gate. On purpose.
Surely, by well after midnight, both the concert crowd and regular traffic would have regained some measure of sanity, right? RIGHT?
Chicago driver are insane.
Not "bad". In fact, many of them are quite good in a NASCAR kind of a way. Sure, they may arrive with their cars covered in dents and scratches and pedestrians, at a speed that nets them a good 9 mpg gas mileage, but they'll get there fast.
I had to drive 15 mph over the speed limit just to keep from being rear-ended. Even then, every few minutes something would streak around us like an F-15 doing a flyover. Then it would veer across three lanes, pass someone else, and dive back across the same three lanes without ever touching the brakes.
In heavy traffic. Well, it probably didn't seem heavy to them.
I'd like to speak specifically to everyone in the Chicago area who drives a Dodge Challenger. We saw the rear-end of several, because despite my instincts, I had to keep my eyes open. You people, you're crazy. Nuts. Looney-tunes. The fact that any of you survive is proof of guardian angels.
As for us, there were only a few times when I had to stand on the brakes and swerve into another lane. Emily may have screamed, I don't know. I did. The rest of the time my death grip stayed on the steering wheel, my head on a swivel, and my stomach in my mouth.
We got home around 4 a.m., and after we stopped shaking slept most of the day. Then we woke up with a concert hangover. That's a real thing.
Then, the next day, Monday, my muscles remembered they'd spent six hours so tense you could bounce a quarter off them. Not to mention the three hours in the stadium seats, which were actually comfortable for the first hour. (Yeah, my ears popped on the way up, but nobody dropped a car on me.) Ironically, after all that sitting over the weekend, on Monday I couldn't get off the couch.
I'm glad Emily got to see her favorite band, and I'll take her again--if they ever come to Albion.
http://markrhunter.com/
https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/&quo... R Hunter"
Remember whenever you don't buy a book, another driver is born in Chicago. Oh, the humanity!
Last Saturday, we drove to Chicago. Again.
It was for the same reason as last time, to see The Cure in concert. The Cure's music is ... well ... it's been called post-punk, gothic rock, new wave, and alternative. Robert Smith has fronted the band since the late 70s, so I assume it wasn't all that at the same time. Oddly, while I don't care for those types of music, I actually like The Cure. Not the way Emily does. Not "we have to go to Chicago to see them play". No, sir. But I love my wife, and proved yet again that I'm willing to put my life on the line for her.
The venue was different from last time, giving me the hope it wouldn't be as far into the city.
It wasn't as close. It was closer. We actually drove between the skyscrapers at one point. We experienced our version of "The Suicide Squad".
The place is called The United Center. As I understand it, some sports-ball team plays in it when concert season is over. The Bills, or the Bulls, or the Boobs, something like that.
We got the nosebleed seats, but I didn't realize how literal that was. Our seats were in the very last row of a stadium that seats 23,500 people (sold out), and to get there we had to buy rock climbing equipment and hire a sherpa. It never occured to me that anyone would put in sections so steep that your toes are at the level of the next fan's head, which I'm sure has caused a fight or two. The place had to have been built in the 50s--no way would authorities allow such a fall risk these days. If I'd slipped on the top step, I'd have kept tumbling until I bowled over the drummer.
(I checked: It opened in 1994. They probably had some celebratory hang gliders launch from our position that day.)
And the band? Well, the band was great, but I wish I'd brought my telescope. They looked like little Polly Pockets, if you remember those. Kind of micro-dolls. There were two big TV monitors beside the stage, but we could barely see those either, especially once the questionable smoke started to rise from the audience.
As you can see from the above photo, we actually had a seat right in the center. Cool, right? The crowd is shining their cell phones to bring the band back for an encore. I don't know what encores are in other places, but this was more like the halftime show.
The Cure started a little late, and after that "encore" we walked out to the parking lot, got in the car, and ... sat there. Driving to the venue had been a lot like the asteroid field in "Star Wars V: Crazy Drivers Strike Back". So we decided to let things clear a little, and the more we thought about it, the more we let things clear.
We were, in fact, the last car through the exit gate. On purpose.
Surely, by well after midnight, both the concert crowd and regular traffic would have regained some measure of sanity, right? RIGHT?
Chicago driver are insane.
Not "bad". In fact, many of them are quite good in a NASCAR kind of a way. Sure, they may arrive with their cars covered in dents and scratches and pedestrians, at a speed that nets them a good 9 mpg gas mileage, but they'll get there fast.
I had to drive 15 mph over the speed limit just to keep from being rear-ended. Even then, every few minutes something would streak around us like an F-15 doing a flyover. Then it would veer across three lanes, pass someone else, and dive back across the same three lanes without ever touching the brakes.
In heavy traffic. Well, it probably didn't seem heavy to them.
I'd like to speak specifically to everyone in the Chicago area who drives a Dodge Challenger. We saw the rear-end of several, because despite my instincts, I had to keep my eyes open. You people, you're crazy. Nuts. Looney-tunes. The fact that any of you survive is proof of guardian angels.
As for us, there were only a few times when I had to stand on the brakes and swerve into another lane. Emily may have screamed, I don't know. I did. The rest of the time my death grip stayed on the steering wheel, my head on a swivel, and my stomach in my mouth.
We got home around 4 a.m., and after we stopped shaking slept most of the day. Then we woke up with a concert hangover. That's a real thing.
Then, the next day, Monday, my muscles remembered they'd spent six hours so tense you could bounce a quarter off them. Not to mention the three hours in the stadium seats, which were actually comfortable for the first hour. (Yeah, my ears popped on the way up, but nobody dropped a car on me.) Ironically, after all that sitting over the weekend, on Monday I couldn't get off the couch.
I'm glad Emily got to see her favorite band, and I'll take her again--if they ever come to Albion.
http://markrhunter.com/
https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/&quo... R Hunter"
Remember whenever you don't buy a book, another driver is born in Chicago. Oh, the humanity!
