Kathy Dunnehoff's Blog, page 9

Whine and Cheese Over Books

[image error]Thanks to the Whine and Cheese Over Books club for having me as a guest last week! They gather to share book picks on Goodreads, which I've just joined. It's a site full of lots of great book talk, and I'm going to pass the information along to my own book group.

My personal highlights of the evening besides being hosted at Corie's beautiful house in the woods and enjoying a Montana evening gathered around a firepit on the patio…  was discovering how unique and yet how similar women's gatherings can be. The Whine and Cheese Over Books club is not all that different from the group of women I meet with.

We're connected by the similar experiences of being women knee-deep in our lives and laughing and wrestling with it in equal measure.

As a writer, the best part of the evening was hearing women quoting lines I had written and laughing together about it. I work for months alone on a novel, and to get a moment to share some of my work with just the kind of women I want for readers was a real gift… thank you!

Where the Heck Am I?

[image error]I have a refrigerator magnet my husband bought me because the crazed 1950′s woman on it looked like me. I don't believe I look like I'm out of a 50′s advertisement, but she does resemble me with the slightly unhinged expression all mothers sometimes wear.

 

On the magnet it says, "I took the road less traveled. Now, where in the heck am I?"

I thought of the magnet recently because I've been trying to step back a bit and see the big picture. Since the book was launched on May 28th, my 18th wedding anniversary, it's been non-stop busy for me.

E-marketing is O-verwhelming

Every day I try to do some marketing: contact reviewers, keep up with my author facebook page, explore new sites like Goodreads, pass the word in my community, and try to post as regularly as I can here. I've now forgotten what I've done, not done, thought about getting done etc…

Addicted to Office Supplies and Proud of It

The other morning I sat up in bed with a cup of tea, a new legal pad (blue because I'm a sucker for office supplies), a calender, and a couple dozen scraps of paper and sticky notes. I asked myself three questions: "Where have I been? Where am I? Where am I going?" In terms of the book, it helped me generate a master to-do list and see I've come a long way in just over six weeks.

It also reminded me that on a day to day basis, I tend to ask the last question, "where am I going?" or even more commonly "where do I want to be?" far more often than I appreciate where I've been and, more importantly, where I am.

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Where Am I?

Right now in my home office, it's 10:30 at night. I can hear my girls watching a movie and my husband getting ready for bed. Over a cup of Sleepytime tea, I'm enjoying the click of my keyboard, the cool air moving through the house, and the scent of a mock orange.

It's a tree and a life I planted (where have I been?) I now enjoy the blossoms of it all (where am I?) And I look forward to gathering blooms and family and books in another bouquet in the morning (where am I going?)

I wonder if you, like me, have those same moments of focusing on the last question and not giving yourself enough time or credit or room to appreciate the first two. I wish right now for nothing but right now.

An Iris is Better than Bling

I write women's fiction. I'm not sure why in some circles that's a questionable activity. I can't imagine why I'd be writing men's fiction, for example, or gender neutral fiction. As a woman, I'm interested in our stories. I hope everyone is fascinated by their own story (even the train-wrecky parts), and I think it follows that the stories other women carry around I'd want to hear. And, of course, write.

Paper Women

It doesn't matter to me that the women's stories I tell are from paper women. They're not just words to me. In my imagination, Mara Jane Mulligan in The Do-Over, and Gwen from my next novel Back to U, live just as surely as anyone else I know well and love.

I think of the characters in my stories as beloved cousins who live in another state. We share a deep history, but I don't get to see them very often.

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But what do women's stories have to do with iris and bling? Let me start with the iris because they are coming up all over my yard. My mother's amber colored bearded iris, and the milky purple ones that smell like sugar are in full bloom.

 

 

They are a small part of my inheritance from her. Besides my nose and the million things mothers give to daughters, she gave me many of her stories. I know about her growing up years as an Idaho farm girl, how she met my dad, and how they spent fifty-one years together before her time came.

But there's another iris in my garden, and this came from a woman whose story I never really got to hear. My mother's mother died when I was one, and I know little about her. I didn't inherit her stories, which would have been my first choice, and I didn't inherit any bling, which would have been my third choice (I am not above jewelry, even the cheap kind), but I did inherit her iris and a story that goes along with them….

The Edge of the Foundation

Years ago my mother and one of my sisters were driving through Idaho and stopped by the old farmhouse where my mom grew up. The house had long since been lost to fire, but all around the edge of the foundation, my grandmother's iris still grew strong and lovely. My mother dug up just enough for the women in the family to each get one rhizome. Mine has multiplied to dozens and dozens of blooms I've divided several times and shared with women friends. And every time I enjoy their blossoms in the spring, every time I run into a friend who thanks me for the iris in her own garden, I'm grateful for women's stories because that's exactly how they work too.

 

The One That Got Away

[image error] And no, I'm not talking about a guy. I'm talking about my week. It was a crazy, busy one, the kind that mothers of children on summer vacation know. And the worst part was they weren't even the problem. (Okay, they were a small part of the problem.)
A To-Do List Because I Can't Help Myself
My goal was to neatly divide up my week. Prepping for my college classes at Flathead Valley Community College on Monday and Tuesday and teaching the three classes I had scheduled. Then a day or two devoted to promoting "The Do-Over" a process I am enjoying a great deal. I get to sit in my little home office and see where in the world the book can get to! And then today, Friday, I wanted to spend the entire day with my Dad, a weekly occurrence that sometimes gets squeezed out of my schedule.

Then in the manner of the best laid plans of mice and women… my cold, that has taken on a life of its own, dropped me against my will on the couch.

The Still, Small Voice
I tell my children with my wisest voice, "first there's a whisper, and if you don't listen, the universe will knock. If you choose to ignore the knock, you'll get knocked over. I have been mightly ignoring the universe politely asking me to relax, so it asked me to RELAX!
The Imprint on the Couch…
I have, it's true, managed this post…  but my house is a mess, I'm not prepped for a new class that starts Monday, I have sticky notes that have adhered to other sticky notes as if they were a coral reef, and I still have two flats of flowers all gangly and waiting to be planted. My schedule today and tomorrow is to really make a big dent in my couch and trust that good things come to those who (sometimes) allow themselves to wait.

Synchronicity and the First Sale (Part II)

So, Roxanne and synchronicity… Let me say that Roxanne McHenry who co-founded the Unruly Guides and has since gone on to launch her own e-publishing and e-marketing business did not arrive on my doorstep to help me format and market The Do-Over.

Caffeine is Mother's Little Helper

I knew Roxanne because we had children around the same time, and we shared a mutual friend who ran a coffee cart. Anyone who's ever been home with young children will understand the complete and total nirvana of having a well poured caffeinated beverage. In order to get one, we spent many hours lugging heavy babies in carseats and chasing toddlers.

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Flathead River Writers Conference

 

Fast forward more than a dozen years… I ran into her at the Flathead River Writers Conference in October. Roxanne was starting up a new business and asked me to do a podcast for her.

I said yes because I love to talk, but I couldn't imagine what mind-boggling internet work she was involved with that I could say anything about.

 

 

The last I'd heard about her work there were Japanese translations and software development, and I was like that Farside cartoon where the dog can only comprehend its own name. "Blah, blah, blah, Ginger."

When I did a little research, I figured out that the Roxanne McHenry I'd shared a pretty serious latte habit with was blazing an e-publishing trail. I embraced the synchronicity of it, took her to lunch, and several months later The Do-Over was officially available to readers. (I will later tell the story of the book cover, and the teriffic graphic artist, Anna Mahlen of Monday Morning Design, who is also right in my backyard and came to me on the same breeze of synchronicity…)

Traveling and Travel Mugs

But in case I'm implying that synchroncity alone brought me what I'd always wanted, let me say I believe it was my willingness to see it and embrace it that made my book possible. I'd encourage you to actively look for it in your own life. Think of what you want that's big (a trip to Positano, Italy) or small (a really good travel mug) and then watch for opportunities that will come along to get you closer and closer to your own dreams.

Synchronicity and the First Sale (Part I)

This Memorial Day weekend, while my daughter Grace and I suffered colds together and the rest of the family enjoyed the long weekend (we really were happy for them), I sold my first book. Yes, The Do-Over appeared at long last on Amazon and hooooooooray, a sale!

I thought about a great many things besides "where did that box of facial tissues get to?" But one thing that struck me was how glad I was I had learned to see and accept synchronicity when it showed up, sometimes even on my doorstep.

E-Publishing as a Fear-Based Activity

I'd been letting the idea of e-publishing roll around in my head for a while. [image error]My friend, the novelist Dennis Foley, cheered me on for at least a year before I let myself imagine it. Still it took more nudging than that for me to consider a non-traditional approach to getting to readers.

I've been a big fan of The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron and had the privilege of taking several groups of amazingly creative people through it. (Peer pressure should never be underestimated as a great way to get your life rolling.) In the book, Cameron stresses the importance of looking for synchronicity, ways the universe helps us out.

 

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"We call it coincidence. We call it luck… In my experience, the universe falls in with worthy plans and most especially with festive and expansive ones."

 

 

So I was half-way thinking about moving ahead with my dream of publishing, and doing it my way. (I once had a bumper sticker with Frank Sinatra in a snappy fedora that said, "It's Frank's world. We just live in it.") But, of course, I lacked all the technical skills to make it happen. And then the magic of synchronicity brought me Roxanne…

I Do Not Regret the Italian

[image error]In college I once broke up with a guy who said, "The only thing worse than not getting what you want is getting it." (At the time he was referring to the Italian I dumped him for, but that's another story.) When he said it to me, it felt like the worst fortune cookie ever.

Eternal Optimism and the Hamster Brain

As an eternal optimist, I always think that things will get better. He actually introduced me to the idea that you could want something and then later be sorry. (For the record, I do not regret the Italian!)

In a matter of days, my first book The Do-Over will be in the hands of readers. I'd like to say I am nothing but thrilled… "I am nothing but thrilled."  I am also nervous and a little stressed, and guilty of hamster brain. (You know, where your thoughts spin around on that damn squeaky wheel?) Being a writer, and even better, having readers is something I've wanted my whole life, and I want getting it to be the best thing.

Mid-life Adventures

I hope, like the Italian, I will look back on all this as a grand adventure. (I'm thinking that my analogy needs to end here before I say something with a double meaning that I will surely mean but will cause me to lose my PG-13 rating.) And I refuse to give into my hamster brain and the ominous parting shot of a college boy, and embrace the sheer joy of sharing my work. So here's to the only thing better than having an adventure at twenty…. Having one at mid-life!

Mid-life Launching

[image error]June first has probably always been a day I've looked forward to. Living in Montana, winters are long and spring is something of a miracle. (To give you a feel for my mood in January… I throw a neighborhood women gathering I call The Donner Party Tea.)

Springtime this far north doesn't arrive on June 1st necessarily. That day can bring snow just as readily as sunshine. But this June 1st I'll have my new season regardless of the weather. It's the day my novel, The Do-Over, will be available.

Long Winter of Publishing

And yes, I have waited through a long winter of publishing… many, many long winters. I like to think I was supposed to tell the stories of women at mid-life and needed to get there myself to understand the terrain. Who else could capture the joys and irritations, the exhaustion and stubborn hope than a sister who is also knee-deep in permission slips and peri-menopause?

Admit it, if you were looking in at your own life, you'd find it interesting. (And I don't mean a can't-look-away-from-a-train-wreck interesting.) You'd see, as I do, that women at this stage in life are working hard for others and just beginning to see that they can begin to shift some of that amazing caretaking energy back to themselves.

Female Fantasy

I think of The Do-Over as a female fantasy in which we get all the good things and some of the bad things we deserve. Most of us don't want to blow up our lives so much as take a break from them. And not just a vacation from warehouse shopping and work, but a vacation from our own limits. That's what Mara Jane Mulligan does, and it's what I hope mid-life lit. encourages us all to do.

Kathy Dunnehoff Speaks About 'The Do-Over'

What draws a writer to a story? Maybe it's something lofty like a desire to change the world, but what drew me to The Do-Over was a long, cold, dark winter stuck inside with two children. I fantasized about taking a vacation from my beloved family and returning re-energized.

After the wonderful break, I'd be ready to make another peanut butter and jelly sandwich and happy to warehouse shop for jugs of ketchup. Since a vacation wasn't actually shimmering on the horizon, I spent the rest of the long season escaping to my computer. I lived Mara Jane Mulligan's story vicariously, and I hope others will feel the fantasy of their own domestic escapes.

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Question and answer with the author

Where did you get your idea for this book?

There were a rash of movies about superheroes, and it struck me that they were male fantasies.  I thought, "what's a woman's fantasy?"

Every woman I know longs for a break.  A vacation is great, but even when you're on one you're still a wife and a mother and a woman who doesn't wear prints.  The real fantasy would be to take a break from your whole life, be somebody else, and recharge enough to head home again.

Where do you get your ideas for writing in general?

I wrote a screenplay from an obituary.  I read them every day because I love that they are mini biographies.  I keep my eyes and ears open for things just like that, an over-heard bit of conversation in the grocery store, a piece of news, a picture.  Then, when something strikes me, I ask, "what if?" and try to put the least likely character in a challenging situation.

What are your inspirations?

I just love to write.  "Inspired" sounds like the stars need to align, but I think writing is fun.  I entertain myself by living with stories in my head.  Besides, if I'm not writing, I'm like a hamster without a wheel, and my family is inspired to tell me to get to work.

When did you decide you wanted to be a writer?

Third grade.  I wrote a story for Mr. Hartman, a Nancy Drew sort of mystery based on my grandmother's black velvet watch band.  The story was well received at Muldown Elementary.  I realized writing was great fun, and I was forced to abandon my second grade dream of being a botanist, a profession I chose because the word was cool.

What do you like to read?

I always have a non-fiction book going.  I think of it as continuing education.  I love books about finance and budgeting, self-improvement, home organization, business, and, of course, writing and creativity.  In fiction I read for pure pleasure: Nora Roberts, Susan Elizabeth Phillips, Janet Evanovich, and Jennifer Crusie.

How do you balance writing and family life?

I write at home, so it's been tricky.  I learned never to write when the girls are around.  My mom radar is always on, and I'm easily distracted by anything I hear outside my office door.  I can plot, research, take notes, etc… but I don't even try to get any pages done.  Now that they're both in school, it's easier, but I still go away from the house to write during school breaks.  I've written with no trouble in a McDonald's playland with children screaming.  They just weren't my children.

How did you start writing novels?

My background was in poetry, and I was teaching college English when I had an idea for a novel.  I think working in different forms keeps writing interesting.  I dove in and used the first novel to learn how to write one.  My first screenplay started the same way, as an exercise in how to be a better writer.  Now I like to alternate novels and screenplays.

How did you research The Do-Over?  Did you run away from home or play volleyball on a nude beach?

First, what I love about fiction is that I get to make stuff up.  It's the main reason I don't use my journalism degree.  News agencies frown on "made up" stuff.  For The Do-Over I took many, many bubble baths while entertaining the fantasy of thirty days away from everything, including myself.  And I did take the family to Vancouver to fill in the details of that wonderful city.  I scouted the beach next to the nude one.  I like to imagine I would have happily gone the female equivalent of the full monty had the children not been there.