Christina Garner's Blog, page 5

Resonance

We are all looking for resonance. That feeling of, “Yes! That’s it exactly.” A subtle vibration, like that of a tuning fork, that lets us recognize ourselves in the Other. So that we feel seen, and to give our experiences meaning. It’s not our suffering that breaks us, but our belief that it serves no purpose, that it helps no one, least of all ourselves. But then something comes along–a song, a movie, a conversation–and we see that our experiences aren’t separate from the whole. We are part of one big prism being cast by Life itself and with that knowledge, with that exquisite resonance of our most tender places, we are healed. 

A Cut so Deep

Yesterday, in response to what happened in a courtroom in Ohio, I wrote a stream of consciousness, from the heart piece. To my deep surprise, the essay went viral with the community the Chardon shooting affected. I’m not exactly sure why that happened, except that something must have resonated with those who chose to share it.

What I do know, is that when I heard what the shooter had to say, it was a cut so deep that nothing else remained except for compassion and love. It was as though his words were sharp enough that they eviscerated all else. This isn’t to say I don’t understand the outrage, both for his statement and his deed. It’s just that in that moment and in the subsequent moments, they ceased to exist for me. There just wasn’t room. The anger gave way to sorrow, and even that gave way to a river of compassion flowing from somewhere within me but not of me. Compassion for those suffering, and compassion for the parts of me that are yet unable to forgive.

Something opened in me yesterday–a heart level, a healing that I’ve touched but not fully surrendered to before this. I’ll carry the wound, and the blessing created by it with me always.

Thank you to those who read my simple words and thought them worthy of sharing.

Trending for all the wrong reasons.

I went to a year of middle school and all three years of high school in a town called Chardon in northeastern Ohio. I didn’t like it very much. In fact, being uprooted from my life in Hawaii and moving to Chardon was one of the reasons I attempted suicide at age 11. (That wasn’t Chardon’s fault, and is a story for another day. If you’re interested you can read about it here.)

Chardon was a small community and closed to outsiders. At least that’s how it seemed to me. People asked me if I wore grass skirts to school in Hawaii and whether I had to run to a well when I wanted a glass of water. They asked for story after story about Hawaii and then told me I was “acting big” when I told them. I thought that was Chardon. I didn’t know it was school–a fairly universal experience of school for those of us who don’t see it as our gloriest of days. 

I still have family in Chardon, and that family loves that town for all the reasons I didn’t. The tight-knit closeness. The we-don’t-leaveness. I have friends there, also. Not many–I cut ties with that high school when I left it, graduating a full year early so that I could move onto a place that felt more in alignment with who I was and wanted to become. 

Last year, something unspeakable happened. A teenage gunman opened fire and killed 3 students and injured 3 others. But of course he injured more than that. He injured everyone in that school, everyone in that town. I won’t say the shooter’s name, but I will say that I went to high school with his parents, as well as the parents of two of the victims. Other than my personal Facebook page I have refrained from commenting on this tragedy. 

But today. 

Today, when he was sentenced. Well, if you’ve read the articles or watched the news, you know. And if you haven’t–don’t. It will stain your soul the way it has mine. The sadness, the anger that washes over me is akin to when it first happened. I feel my insides curl in on themselves, aching for those parents, for that community I never liked. 

I’m sorry, Chardon. So deeply sorry that you have gone through this and continue to. Sorry that today the knife was twisted deeper by a profoundly disturbed man-child. I have been told by each and every family member and friend that still lives in Chardon that this tragedy has brought this town even closer together, and I’m so grateful for that. On this day especially, when insult has been added to still-open injury, I find myself trying to breathe through what I cannot wrap my head around.

But the wounding wasn’t in the head. It struck to the heart–of a small town, of the parents of those precious children, of anyone in global community who stopped to pay attention. And it’s in our hearts where it will be healed. Today my heart is open–raw and bleeding, but open–and I find myself flooded with compassion. Compassion for Chardon, for all those suffering in all corners of the world, and even for the places in myself that have yet to surrender to compassion.

I’m wrapping the world in love today, with special focus on a little town in northeastern Ohio. I hope you’ll join me. 

You don’t have much time

If your days are numbered—and they are—how will you spend this day?

 

My Friend, Sam, Told Me

“You’re on a deadline. You can be depressed later.”

March Musings

“I write to give myself strength. I write to be the characters that I am not. I write to explore all the things I’m afraid of.”   ~Joss Whedon

I really relate to the above quote by one of my heroes, Joss Whedon. (Buffy, Angel, Marvel’s The Avengers) People write for all sorts of reasons, but one of the reasons I write is to give meaning to my internal experiences. You may be asking how teenagers saving the world from demons could reflect the inner workings of my mind, but it’s not as far fetched as it seems. We all have our demons, be they addictions, bad habits, or just general self-destructive behavior. (I’ve been guilty of all three a time or two!)

With The Gateway Trilogy, it’s my intention to offer an alternate way of looking at and dealing with these demons. One that transcends just the idea of, “Kill, destroy, eradicate.” Some of you have already picked up on this–I can tell by your reviews and your emails/tweets to me. If you haven’t, that’s totally OK! My intention is also to tell a compelling story so that even if you don’t have an interest in Gateway’s deeper meaning, you can still enjoy the ride. (I watched–and loved!–The Matrix twice before I really started to understand the powerful theme of that action-packed movie.)

As I finish up Tether, Book 3 in the trilogy, I just wanted to take a moment to thank you personally for taking the time to read, review, and stay in touch. Your feedback keeps me going and helps me work on one of my most insidious demons–procrastination/resistance. It’s been especially strong as I’ve recovered from a nasty bout of bronchitis. Thankfully I’m on the mend, and excited to bring you the final installment of The Gateway Trilogy.

In the meantime, if you you’re interested in learning some of the inspiration for Gateway, including mythological influences for characters like Ember and Callie, check out this YouTube video I made for Penn High School–one of the largest in Indiana.Two senior classes used Gateway as a way to give modern context to mythology. As well, I was privileged to give several talks there on the life of a writer and self-publishing. One of the students wrote about it here.

Until Next Time,

Christina

We are Experiencing Technical Difficulties…

…please stand by.

Is Mercury in retrograde? How about Mars? ‘Cos I’m having some troubles with my technology. Here I was thinking no one was signing up for my mailing list, when it turns out lots of you are–I just wasn’t being notified! Sorry to have promised things like exclusive content and then not have delivered–I had no idea ya’ll were out there. Now that I do,things are gonna get a lot more interesting up in here. (Promise!)

Soon I’ll be ready to send out sneak peaks of Tether as well as my next series of books, Coventry House. In the meantime, have you checked out The Companion Blog to The Gateway Trilogy?

There is a Brokenness…

“There is a brokenness out of which comes the unbroken, a shatteredness out of which blooms the unshatterable. There is a sorrow beyond grief which leads to joy and a fragility out of whose depths emerges strength. There is a hollow space too vast for words through which we pass with each loss, out of whose darkness we are sanctioned into being. There is a cry deeper than all sound whose serrated edges cut the heart as we break open to the place inside which is unbreakable and whole, while learning to sing.”  ~Rashani

“There is a brokenness out of which comes the unbroken, a...

“There is a brokenness out of which comes the unbroken, a shatteredness out of which blooms the unshatterable. There is a sorrow beyond grief which leads to joy and a fragility out of whose depths emerges strength. There is a hollow space too vast for words through which we pass with each loss, out of whose darkness we are sanctioned into being. There is a cry deeper than all sound whose serrated edges cut the heart as we break open to the place inside which is unbreakable and whole, while learning to sing.”  ~Rashani

Gateway Lesson 2

This is Lesson 2 in my series for Penn High School–an audio recording about the Hindu goddess, Kali and which surprising character she inspired.

**Spolier Alert**

Don’t listen to this recording until you’ve read thru Chapter 4 of Gateway.

Click here>> Kali Lesson (audio player will open)

Kali depicted in one of her most famous myths