Cate Ellink's Blog, page 4

Wildlife Wednesday - Royal Spoonbill

Spoonbills have long been a source of fascination. That beak is insane - like a curved wooden spoon, black, shiny like plastic! All waders really intrigue me because of their life in the shallows burrowing in the mud/silt/sand for food, but spoonbills have always caught my eye.

I was on a roam, and I'd been stalking out a white-faced heron perched in a mangrove tree for a while. Then I got distracted by some crabs on the river bank, tiny fish swimming and then leaping from the water in a choreographed ballet (and no, I wasn't quick enough to capture that!), and then a crow flying by caught my eye. It was squawking in that 'look, look, look" way. 

I looked.

It looked like cockatoos in a tree some distance away. But they were big. So, maybe an egret. I wandered over.

A spoonbill! Head tucked under its wing, I thought asleep, but it had it's eye on me.

I spent far too long standing beneath that tree taking photos of the majestic Royal Spoonbill. I'd never seen them anywhere but on the river flats, and then only occasionally. Without that crow telling me to look, I would have walked right past this tree. It was in a yard and across the road from where I was, so I had no reason to go there, and I'd been too busy focussing on the river!

I wonder what else I miss every day?!

Phallic Friday - toxic masculinity

I've been having thoughts about Toxic Masculinity and I wanted to get them out of my head and ramble about them here.

Our patriarchal society has long bred this extreme form of masculinity by minimising/belittling the feminine. As the power of the feminine is rising, there is going to be some who wish to quash this as they still see feminine qualities/traits as secondary, lesser, less than them.

I think this is some of the force behind the changes in the world as I'm seeing it today.

COVID-19 has made the world stop. It's taken away a lot of structures that held the global economy (power) in place. It's highlighting aspects of society that aren't working. We are being forced to think about people (caring), health (nurturing), supporting those in need. These are all quite feminine traits (in the strict sense of the dual/polar society we live in). In the past, these traits have seen less pay for those in nursing and care professions. As a result of COVID, will we now begin to value these professions, and make changes to pay structures accordingly? It'll be fascinating to see.

The USA is another hotbed of issues. Minority groups are finding their voice. A man who I think exhibits many of the toxic masculine traits is refusing to accept loss, after years of having a place of power...where some believe he abused that office. It's an interesting power play to watch from afar - even though global repercussions may occur, and in that way I'm not so distant. To me, this situation embodies the global power play where masculine and feminine energies are reaching a new area of balance.

In the 1990s, I worked with a Canadian who was here to do her PhD or post-doc research. I remember her saying that in Canada, the power imbalance between men and women was not as obvious as she saw it here in Australia. I was shocked by that, I thought we weren't too bad. Then she said that it was far worse in the USA, which was one of the reason she'd come here. I didn't really understand what she was saying, never having spent any time in the USA and not having been to Canada, but 30 years later, I wonder if others have seen what she saw so long ago, and are trying to change that imbalance, not just in gender inequality.

I watched an interview (https://www.leeharrisenergy.com/podcast#section-1605132491191) recently with a woman (https://suzymiller.com/) working with autistic children. The data she gave about autism blew my mind. She said in the (I think) the 1980s, autism affected 1 in 10 000 children. Today, those figures are 1 in 54.

1 in 54? How did that change so drastically?

She said that generally, autistic children are more perceptive and intuitive (both traditionally feminine traits) and yet many are male children. She thinks that these children are here to help change the world. And I have to agree with her. If there are THAT many children who aren't 'fitting in' to societies' structures, then society structures will have to shift and change.

If these children are exhibiting more of the shunned feminine traits, then the masculine-feminine imbalance in society will need to shift to accommodate these drastic changes in the population. 

I may not see this in my lifetime, but I hope I do. I think it'll happen quickly. These kids will need the world changed as they grow up and try to find a place in the world (within the next 20 years)... and there's a virus that's affecting the whole world and making us change how we work. How coincidental :)

I think this outrage we're seeing from so much of the toxic masculine energy, may be it's death throes. Although, it's persisted for a long long time. I hate saying it, but I think there may be more of a fight before the feminine can be balanced better. And yes, putting this in text, "out there" makes me a target, I know. I don't want to be a target. I don't want to poke my head up to be seen. But I also want to speak my truth, say what I see, have a little light shining from me. So these words are here.

I love this world. I love all the incredible, fascinating things about nature, the earth, people, animals, birds, insects, etc etc. I love the feel of the sunshine, the rain and the wind, of energy changing, of shifts and adjustments. I love the intellectual challenge of working out how and why. This is my little space to share myself. I love having it...even as it challenges me!

Wildlife Wednesday - Bar-tailed godwits

More birds. 

Our area has a "Bird Airport" - a park that has signs to inform people of the migratory shorebirds that frequent the area. 

These birds have long been an exciting feature to me...but I haven't been able to document them with photos. They're not people-friendly. They keep their distance. If I take down binoculars I can see them in enough detail to work out what they are, but only if I write down what I see, or have my bird book with me (because by the time I've walked home, poof! all those details have gone from my brain).

This camera has allowed me to get photos so I can come home, open my bird book, and compare details for identification. And I've loved doing that!

So, I've been spending time with the Bar-tailed godwits (which had always been "maybe a godwit, maybe a sandpiper, I don't remember the details enough to know.") 

You can read more about them here: https://birdlife.org.au/bird-profile/bar-tailed-godwit

They migrate here from their northern breeding grounds - Alaska, Scandinavia, northern Asia - and spend the summer on the mudflats of Australia and New Zealand. They always seem to be such busy feeders, with their heads burrowing into the river flats, even through water. But now that I've been sitting and spending time observing them (and yes, stalking could be the word... it's been quite a bit of time!), I've noticed that much of their time is taken by preening and cleaning, washing and bathing. And when your feathers have to get you around the world twice each year, I guess you need them at their best.

It makes me realise how much I take my muscles and body for granted. I don't spend much time on ensuring my muscles can do all I need them to do, but take them for granted. I have been better in the past, but I need to do better.

Godwits with a supervising seagull!

Yoga is great and I've done a heap of 1-on-1 sessions during COVID lockdown. So I know what I need to do. I just need to do it. Stand in the crowd and do my preening, just like the gorgeous godwits. And here they are, preening and eating, bathing and enjoying the mudflats of the NSW south coast.

And we do have international tourists still arriving :)

Wildlife Wednesday - birds, birds, birds

 After a year of posting Pockets of Joy, and realising that taking photographs brings me great peace, contentment and happiness, I decided to invest in myself (or Mr E did the investing) and buy a DSLR camera.

I LOVE my little Olympus, but it doesn't do birds. I wanted to take good bird photos and for that I need a bigger lens than a point-and-click has. So, behold some birds for my pleasure!

masked plover (or spur-winged plover)

White-faced heron


Australian pelican

Juvenile Superb Fairy Wren

Crested Pigeons

Australian King Parrot

Rainbow Lorikeets

Magpie-lark (or Pee Wee)

Sulphur-crested Cockatoo

Red-capped dotterel/plover (female)

Red-capped dotterel/plover(male)
Australian magpie

Wildlife Wednesday - Tiger Moth

These are a favourite from my childhood and I took this one outside after finding it in my kitchen. I'm not sure how it got inside, but I wondered if it hatched in there and this was it's maiden flight, because it took a while to go and gave the most incredible shudder before it lifted off.

But enjoy, the Jaffa Moth :)

Fearless Friday - triggers

 Do you have triggers? Things that just set you off. They may be the tiniest thing, or something huge, but whatever it is, it just eats at you.

I have a fair few of the pesky tiny ones. Each time they come up, I've been trying to work out what's behind it, and see if I can face that and look at it in a different way. 

It's not something new. I've been doing it for years. I have no idea how it started or why I do it. I kind of figured everyone did it in their quest to become someone who wasn't constantly driven insane, or who didn't internally fight with themselves all the time, or to be a better person (or whatever the heck the motivation for it is). But I'm realising as I talk to people that it's not something everyone does. So, I thought I'd talk about it. And, you know, I'm having a trigger right at the moment, so what better time to flesh it out with a up-to-the-minute example.

Mr E has the day off today. This is unusual because he's been working ridiculous hours for about a year now. Because he hasn't been around much, I have this space to myself. Today, the TV is turned on as soon as we're up. I like silence. I'm working, he has the day off. He says he needs no help, so I begin work... in the first hour, he interrupted me no less than 8 times. Could I do this? Could I do that? I'm not up to interruptions. My day is working in silence at my own rhythm. I'm triggered by these things.

Then... while I'm not doing so well, he triggers me more.

Last weekend we picked up an outdoor setting. But footy grand finals and tax were a higher priority than putting it together. And I went to do it through the week but I thought, "No, we should do it together. He wanted to do it with me." Except, today, he's doing it. Right now. Even after I suggested we do it on the weekend together when I'm not working.

And I know he'll say he wanted to help me out by doing it. I know he thinks he's being sweet doing it himself so I don't have to interrupt my day.

But it pisses me off.

I considered him. I was waiting for him so we could do it together. I said this when I suggested doing it over the weekend, and it was ignored.

What are my triggers?

I like to be needed.

I hate being ignored.

I can see his rationale about caring, helping, etc etc. 

But from my point of view, he's excluding me, saying that I'm not needed (and probably couldn't do it anyway). And that's the baggage I carry. From where? I'm not entirely sure. I think there's an ancestral female thing about the patriarchy. I have a strong dose of that in me, and Mr E has a strong dose of the protector-male thing, so we often clash over those issues when they butt up. I didn't have brothers, so I was the one who helped with outdoor tasks, as the eldest, so it's not really a childhood thing. There is a "kit" thing from my mother that I carry - we (Mum and us kids) always built kits when Dad wasn't around because he had no patience for those things (same with moving furniture). I see it as something I 'should' do. I also like to be needed, to pull my weight, to have a clear role in a working group, and I think doing tasks together strengthens a relationship (although, many times it also highlights the differences, which may not be so comfortable. I like seeing differences and trying to work out how to each change to accommodate... this is not something many people enjoy, Mr E included). So there are a few things for me to unpack and deal with there. Looks like a busy day and weekend and maybe a while longer as I sort through all of that. But having identified it, written it, and thought about it, my fury and rage has simmered to just discomfort so I'm well on my way to dealing with my triggers.

And yes, I could walk out and start helping. I'm a little tempted to do that, but a few things are stopping me. 

1. He has his earbuds in and is listening to a podcast, so there'd be no casual conversation. 

2. His method of putting things together is so pedantic and structured, I would go insane. 

3. He's happy doing this himself, without my interruptions, chatter and suggestions.

4. I have to deal with my issues, not force myself where I'm not needed or wanted. It really makes no difference who puts the damn thing together, does it? If it turned up already made, I'd be perfectly happy. So, it's a 'me' issue. I need to deal with my shit. And what better way of dealing with it than to spill my guts for the world to see! ARGH! However, fearless and Friday.

Do you have triggers? How do you deal with them?

Fearless Friday - conforming

I'm tired as I write this, so I apologise if I ramble.

I've been travelling down some spiritual path exploring all manner of things and I find myself in Shamanism...pretty deeply exploring it. Why? Mostly because the 'nature' aspect of it calls to me. The connection with animals, nature, energy and spirit is something that feels deeply right for me. I also think it's because it's a rather personal journey, as in no prescribed path but something you work at yourself. That also feels right for me. Well, maybe there are prescribed paths but I haven't found them! 

I don't know if what I'm speaking about is shamanic in nature, or just bits I've picked up and lumped into this post, but I've found lately a deep sense of power within myself. At the same time, there's also a deep sense of wobbliness within me too. I want to try to explore that a little.

When I look at young kids, their sense of power within themselves is rather strong, especially if it's been allowed to develop. So young kids who dress themselves, wear whatever feels most comfortable for them regardless of colour, trends, where they're going or what they're doing, sometimes even without considering the weather. They have a power of creation. A power of self. And it's not yet tainted by expectation.

Somewhere along the way, that sense of self is changed to a sense of style. Kids begin to wear what's trending, what's suitable, what's required. It's exacerbated by uniforms that may be required at school or sport or other activities. The sense of self is lost, and you conform (to some degree or other).

This doesn't just occur with dress sense. It occurs in so many aspects of our life (or my life anyway).

I have places where I haven't really conformed at all, and places where I have. 

I have scars, some big and some small, from where my sense of self was ridiculed or squished into a box, or somehow made to feel lesser. 

Reflecting on this, I can see the damage seemingly innocuous comments made. Damage that still persists. A still raw wound that gets the scab knocked off if someone says something similar now. I'm plunged back to the little me and the hurt I felt when I realised how far away from 'normality' I was.

But I also see how often I can utter to a child similar words to what was said to me. Why am I perpetuating this hurt? Why am I continuing the pain that I'm suffering? Why can't I rejoice in uniqueness and individuality and encourage it?

I think we've become 'indoctrinated' (for want of a better word) to believe that we're assisting people by helping them fit into the 'norm'. In actually fact, I think we need to be encouraging youth to break from the norm.

In some ways, I think this is happening in each successive generation but I'm not sure it's a mindful decision or more a gut-instinct or kick-back approach.

I don't have kids, so I have the time and space when around them to observe, think, and cross correlate what I see with what I experienced. I also have some space to reflect and churn all these thoughts around to see how they fit (or don't fit).

So, today I'm wondering about how I can honour the power within myself. How can I comfort the little girl in me who is hurt by others' comments, criticisms, and expectations? How can I look at the wounds and allow them to properly heal and not just scab over in temporary healing that will be knocked open again? How can I regain my power and be a non-conformist who is still able to function in this society and the world?

I don't have answers but I needed to get the thoughts out of my head so I was free to explore them a bit deeper. Blogging tends to allow me to clear this path and work a bit further on an issue. So here's to more thoughts about non-conforming!

Also, while I'm thinking about this, I've been reading Women Who Run With Wolves by Dr Clarissa Pinkola Estés and in a chapter I just finished, she mentioned that often a sexual exploration/release is a way to open up further and develop more (she was talking about laughing and giggling at 'smutty' things and how women often giggle and release problems when they can be crude and honest)...as I read that, I wondered if that is what my erotic writing allowed. I did all that exploration of fetishes, etc  way back, and began writing all sorts of things on this blog that allowed me to open and explore further. I think it's quite wonderful that I allowed that part of me to extend and explore while I still struggled with the conforming and 'being proper' other part of myself. However, it is all me - the conforming and the non-conforming parts.

Saturday Search - Lee Harris Energy

I've been a Lee Harris fan for a while now. His monthly energy updates were what hooked me first but now I'll listen to him anytime :)

Today he put out a song with a video clip that is incredibly beautiful, sensual and moving. I wanted to share it here; https://www.leeharrisenergy.com/all-who-walk

If you're moved by this, check out some of Lee Harris's other work. 

His partner, Steven Washington, does Qigong if you're looking for movement, energy shifting, and exercise. I've been enjoying that movement as well.

My search of all things spiritual began with a story, Past Lives, I wrote way back in 2009. I don't know where the story came from, but it poured out of me in random scenes that grew into a story. I took it to a writing course, and was told by a story editor that my premise was impossible. I'd written about past lives, where the gender shifted depending on which past life was written about. I decided I needed to learn about past lives, since I'd obviously ballsed up the whole concept.

I followed a rabbit hole into a realm that has changed my life. It began with a writing course on astrology and past life connections (when you look for something, sometimes it falls into your lap!). I did a few courses with Mary O'Gara and she taught me so much about writing and the alternate spiritual practices. 

I've kept following the flow. One course led to another. One person to another. All are connected to writing - which is the weirdest part! 

This journey has had fundamental changes to my life, health, focus and happiness. It's been the weirdest, longest, but most fulfilling rabbit hole I've ever fallen into!

Have you followed rabbit holes? Do you find things out-of-the-blue that are perfectly what you need?

A Course In Miracles - messages

A friend of mine shared this channelling experience with me. It's a series of youtube videos, twice a day for 40 days, channelling Jesus by/with Tina Louise Spalding. 

It's about looking deeper into yourself.

It's a bit challenging.

Definitely woo woo.

But it's really quite eye-opening and awakening.

It's worth having a look. Each video is only about 20 minutes long. They come out morning and night, but Tina Louise Spalding said to listen any time because she wasn't having set times, and they'll be available for a while.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cZcWtLUDi4o

Has anyone read the book A Course In Miracles?  

It's from 1976, so it's been around a while. I've not read it or done the practices. My friend is almost halfway through, so I might chat to her about it later.

Sunday Story - me and romance

I read a book this week that i was loving - witty banter, unbelievable chemistry, a huge conflict. I was so sold on it. I was devouring it, loving every word...

and then...

I hated it.

OMG. Why?

It's got so many fabulous reviews and readers love it. It's by relatively 'big-name' romance authors. I should have loved it because everyone else seemed to be, so what happened to me?

The female was disempowered. In a book that was all about the hero helping her and empowering here, the conflict disempowered her in such a way that it crushed me. It seemed to go against everything that it had been leading up to do... but it was subtle, and kind of went with the conflict, so it worked... just not for me.

I don't want to bag out the book, or single it out because romance is full of books that do the same thing, but I do want to explain my issue. So I'll try to do that in general terms.

Hero and heroine are both outsiders in their families. They bond because of this and the issues that arise from the ostracising. The heroine helps the hero in quiet, private ways, and in public, he pretty much sorts his own shit out.

The heroine... well, she doesn't sort her own shit out. The hero 'saves' her. Not only does he cover for her, he then tells her brother that she needs help and insists that the mother does too. So the brother 'forces' the heroine and her mother into counselling, which sorts all the issues out. Does the brother also go to counselling? NO. Did the heroine take charge of her life and organise her own counselling? No. Did the hero help her in private as she'd done for him? No.

The men sorted their own shit out, themselves, in private spaces. 

The women had to deal with theirs publicly, and then go to counselling that had to be forced onto them, and the males involved did not need this counselling.

Why do we (as women romance writers) do this?

We are perpetuating the "useless" female stereotype that the patriarchy dishes up to us.

Can't we do better??????

I know the conflict doesn't happen on a grand scale unless this all gets aired publicly... but do we need that conflict as readers? Do we need to have the women humiliated and then saved by the men they love? 

*sob*

This is why I don't fit easily into romance. This is why I struggle to read the most popular romance titles.

I want to empower the females in my stories.

I want my women to save themselves.

I want them to be as strong as their men, or stronger.

It may have taken me a bloody long time to work out exactly what was fucking my brain up with romance, but I think I'm getting it worked out. My idea of romance is something completely different to the genre and the fairy tale.

I need to write what makes my heart sing. That's what I'll be doing. Proudly. With my brave pants on!

How do you like your romance?