Cate Ellink's Blog, page 3

Saturday Soapbox - women, fight and energy

I had a post written for today...and I deleted it. I had intended to weigh in further on the women, rape, inequality discussion happening in Australia. It's a trigger issue for me where I rile up and get swamped with fury, anger, frustration and a whole host of negative energies. It saps me as I rail and rant against the strictures of society, the inequality, the appalling treatment of half the population...

and then I realised...

It's damaging my health.

When I get myself caught up in the 'fight' pattern, my adrenal glands fire and my body goes into fighting/warrior mode. I'm hyper-alert, unable to sleep, wired so tightly that I can't relax. My mind goes a thousand different directions as I trace ideas, thoughts, pull together threads and weave argument after argument. 

I know how this ends for me - chronic fatigue syndrome. A huge crash where I can be bed-ridden for months, or voiceless for over a year, or unable to function in daily life. It's not pretty. Been there for far too many years. And I've only just gotten myself out of that seemingly unending push-crash cycle and am starting to feel alive again, so I'm not going back there. No way.

But then, how can I reframe my mind, and my triggers, to something useful that won't crash me?

The only answer I have is that I need to focus on healing vibes, healing energy. Calm. Peace. Finding joy. Happiness. Justice. Right. That's what's helped me through CFS.

This time, it's not for just me. But for everyone.

Make Peace, Not War.

That's what I need to do. 

So, please, fight the fight if you feel the need. I'll be here, cheering for you from the sidelines.

I'll be here with a sense of calm and peace (or trying to). I'll be here with love. I'll be here channelling healing energy into the world (not quite sure how, but that feels like what I'm about. Surely what I did for myself can extend). 

When the next idiot gets up and speaks of women as second class citizens, I'll not rant and rave at the TV, person next to me (sorry Mr E), or thin air. I'll be thinking about love for all the women the idiot has to deal with. I'll be thinking about peace surrounding them as they hear the idiot's words. I'll be sending healing energy to all women who need to heal, and love energy to all those who support these women. I'll be imagining a world where all humans are seen as equal, all can respect one another.

I know it sounds insane. I know it's all "Pollyanna-ish" or too woo-woo. But if I can't fight, it's all I can do.

If someone needs healing energy, please let me know. 

I'm fighting this battle on a different front.

Take care, Warrior Women, take care.

Phallic Friday - dimples

I'm not sure if this is a Phallic or a Fearless Friday post... butt dimples.

During this past week, I met someone who I stood behind for a substantial period of time. She was wearing a backless pair of overalls, so I had a full view of her beck from hairline right down to just above her butt crack. And she had dimples above the edge of the overalls. They sat, perfectly proportioned, on either sides of her spine, and they captivated me.

And yes, I felt like an idiot! 

I can't logically explain why I was so captivated. 

She was fine boned, slim but with light musculature. Her back was lovely, as in. I could appreciate her unblemished skin and lithe body. And that's usually where my thoughts would have ended... except for these freaking dimples.

They danced, calling to my eyes. Or maybe it was the fabric, a few centimetres beneath them, that framed them enough to keep my attention coming back to them.

I rarely take photos of people... but I wanted to photograph her back. I wanted to capture the play of muscles, and the movement of flesh. But a photograph may never have been enough, I would have needed to video. I would probably have needed to touch, to see how deeply these indentations were embedded (they didn't look all that deep). If I touched, where would that have taken me? Would my thumbs have fitted perfectly into these indentations as I held her for me... for someone else...?

And why were these freaking dimples so enthralling?

Was it because they were on a woman, with her petite frame? Was it just the clothing drawing attention to them? Was it just so unexpected in the venue I was at? Has COVID had me so isolated I've forgotten what different bodies look like?

I haven't written in a very long time, but those dimples made me want to write about them - as well as photograph them. And in an even weirder experience, the story idea that came with dimples was about a lady with these same dimples, and her lady's maid who lusts after them for years until she's caught staring at them by the lady's new husband...all of this in an historical setting.

Which reminds me of a psychic reading I had many years ago, where my fame would come with a select few historical romance novels.

And all this has thrown my equilibrium.

So, how's your week been? Any dimples on the scene, throwing out of alignment your world?

Wildlife Wednesday - Butcherbirds and others

Over the past 12 months, I've had some strange wildlife, and nature, experiences. I've put them down to the bushfires that decimated so much land south of us, and the resulting changes being nature's reaction/coping to the changed vegetation and territories.

The number of bird species around my house has increased, hmmm, no, that's not right. I have the same number of species but they're closer and interacting more, breeding all together, and sharing territory in a way I've not seen before. When once they may have visited here for a short stay, now they've all moved in.

There's this respect of one another, and a sharing of territory and food, that's unusual.

The birds are hungry. So much so that they've taken to asking for food. I have always fed birds on a rather ad hoc manner. So that they don't ever become reliant on humans for their food. That way, if I go away, or die, the impact on them will be minimal.

When we first moved here, we had two old dogs. Their food bowls were picked at by birds and possums, slugs and lizards. So, my home has been known as a food supply...but no one really uses it much, except some of the King Parrots.

This year, we had birds nesting within usual territories. Crows in the tree above my house, magpies in the next tree down. Masked plovers, pee wees, pigeons, noisy minors, king parrots, lorikeets, butcherbirds, pied currawongs, kookaburras, corellas and cockatoos all had chicks locally through spring.

In winter, the magpie pair began to visit and sing, daily. Sometimes twice of three times a day. After a while, I began to worry about this. In the summer, I had left fruit wreaths in the local area for fruit bats (primarily, although I know other animals feasted too). We had a local group who helped with fruit and vegetable supply to wildlife who'd lost their habitat. I began to wonder if the birds were affected too - by territory loss due to birds being forced closer together into unburned country. So I tossed the magpies some food, which they devoured.

They didn't come every day, just at random times (often when it was raining).

The magpies raised three chicks, and while they were in the nest, the parents came quite often to ask for food. I began to keep a supply. Sometimes the Australian Ravens (crows) would come too and sit in the trees around, before they'd clean up any scraps left behind when they thought I wasn't watching. Then I noticed the Noisy Minors and Pee Wees coming around too.

Now there's the Butcherbird and Kookaburras too. They all eat the same food source, and they sort of share my offerings. 

I mean, they're not willingly giving food to other species, but they're taking turns to be fed. They're happy to stand back and wait for food to come their way. There are very few squabbles. And no one picks on the chicks... of any species.

It's the most peculiar thing for birds I associate as territorial. 

I've begun to wonder if it's not just bushfires. Our town has lost a lot of large trees in the last decade - because people chop them down. Habitat is being cleared and changed at a greater rate than the birds (wildlife) can adapt to. Maybe the need for survival relies more on cooperation between species. maybe this is the new normal, where species coexist in smaller areas, sharing what meagre food and homes there are available.

Today I played catch with the Butcherbirds. The Magpies and Crows, with Noisy Minors, were on the lawn grabbing feed. I could see the Butcherbirds, with their chick squawking, in the tree, so I tossed them a small amount of food - which they caught in their beak. I tossed a little more and they moved to actively catch the food. They darted to either side, front or back, depending on how close my throw went. They flew off the branch sometimes if my throw was wild. 

I don't know if I can explain how filled with joy my heart was by feeding these birds. It's been a blessing all year to have their company, their beautiful songs, their gentle presence, and their incredible daily life on show. To have the young around and to watch them grow has been incredible.

I don't know why all these birds have graced me with their presence, but it's been a thrill and a joy to have them as a part of my life - even when they sit at the door, singing so full voiced it's deafening, until I give into their demands!

Phallic Friday - sex, shame, and rape

In Australia, the news this past week has been filled with the story of a young woman working in Parliament House being raped 2 years ago, and the lack of support she received which ultimately led to her losing the career she'd been working towards.

To add to the horror, 3 more women have accused the same man of raping them, also in Parliament House, before this publicised rape occurred. 

A systemic problem is highlighted and reinforced three times over. In our highest place of work--the Parliament. What kind of example does that set for Australian society?

A comment was made by someone on TV about the shame associated with rape. Mr E says, "Surely in this day and age, a women shouldn't feel ashamed of being raped?"

And yes, I get where he's coming from (that rape has less stigma attached to it than 30 years ago when we were young) BUT he waved a red flag at this bull. Poor man. I don't think he ever realises how deeply I think about everything.

"Of course there's still shame associated with rape. There's still shame associated with sex."

"How?" he asks.

And off I go! Actually, I was rather restrained because I had to bite my tongue a little and not spill all the bitterness and anger I've been working my way through over the last decade.

I mentioned sex workers and their treatment during covid. When he wasn't convinced, I brought the example to the personal.

"Look at Cate Ellink," I said. "People still don't want to know she exists. They still don't acknowledge her books, won't talk to her on social media. Why? Because she writes sex. Sex is shameful. That message may be lessening but it's still reinforced in society all the time. And women still get called 'slutty' for clothes they wear. Women still hear that they 'incite men to sex' and other crap. Shame underlies everything about sex. Until we can speak openly about sex, rape will always happen because of the shame associated with the abuse of power and the unwanted sex act itself that women have been conditioned to believe they incited." Maybe I was more mad rambling than that. I'm not good at remembering verbatim!

Rape is an horrific act of violence perpetrated by, in this case, a man in a position of power on a young and vulnerable woman. 

Rape can happen in any circumstance, by any combination of gender. It's about power. Abhorrent disregard for another person. It's abuse--physical and emotional. 

The conversation, however, became personal. It highlighted how much hurt I still carry about something far less invasive than rape. I have worked through a lot of it, but there are still pangs there. My issues are insignificant compared with those of a rape victim. Yet, I hurt.

When I wrote my first erotic work, in my 20s, no one in my 'real' life ever saw it. I shared it with a few trusted people online, who had encouraged me to speak freely about sex. If I hadn't fallen into the community of online people who accepted sex as a normal part of life, and encouraged me to explore it, I don't know if I would have ever changed my narrow views of sex that my conservative upbringing had given me.

It took me 20 years to develop enough courage to allow my erotic writing a public viewing.

It's taken me another 10 years to be at a point where the hurt and anger at people's reactions to my public viewing has lessened enough that I can speak calmly and rationally and not bottle it up in a bitter stew brewing inside me.

Society moves slowly at times--sometimes even more slowly than me! That's because society is made up of individuals, and a large number of people need to work through a change in mindset (or agree with a viewpoint) before the ball rolls on change. 

People can't change their mindset without knowing that there are other ways to think.

And to know there are other ways to think, those who think differently need to be publicly vocal. They need to stand tall and proud and give voice to what they know as their truth.

That is terrifying. For me anyway.

To stand in a shitstorm of public opinion, and cop whatever crazy abuse people sling at you, takes a huge amount of courage. I always admire people who can do that.

The young woman who publicly spoke of her rape, and all the people who speak of their assaults, are so incredibly brave, powerful, courageous and thoroughly deserving of my gratitude and admiration, even if that seems paltry and insignificant.

A saying keeps nagging at me - if I won't speak out, who will?

And so I'm making a small blog post here. I spoke a few sentences to Mr E. I stand by my Cate Ellink name and books, proudly (but quietly). It's not enough, but I'm not yet brave enough to do more.

I am a work in progress.

Wildlife Wednesday - Little Terns

Oh, my poor neglected blog. I'm so sorry I haven't been around. Everything began here, on my blog, but now has morphed onto other sites, platforms, things. My apologies for neglecting my first platform.

Doing Wildlife Wednesday for many years has really focussed my attention on how much I enjoy wildlife, photos, and sharing them with others. It's become my creative focus.

I created Pockets of Joy last year when I was struggling to find happiness. It's been such fun! And later last year, Mr E bought me a digital SLR camera with two lenses. One is a telephoto because I was annoyed at not being able to capture birds very well. Now, it is heaven! So many birds! And watching bird behaviour has been eye-opening, and a complete lesson in patience, focus, and being in the present moment, while watching your surroundings.

Now I've hired a macro lens for even more fun. Bugs, bugs, bugs. 

What's frustrating is that my skills are lower than my expectations. So, I'm trying to keep improving and challenging myself.

Another frustration is that Mr E isn't fond of my snapping. He tolerates it at best. He shows not a passing interest in the images, even as I stick them under his nose with my excitement spilling everywhere. LOL!

On this past Saturday, we went to a location to check it out and we spent about an hour there - me photographing, him looking around for about 15 minutes and then listening to a podcast while pretending to wait patiently. 

On Sunday, we went for a walk, and I left my good camera behind. If I walk by myself, I can come home with 300 photos, with Mr E it's lucky to be 10. So, it was a sensible decision given Saturday. 

EXCEPT...

The Little Terns were diving into the ocean close to the shore, teaching their young. OMG! I had my small camera that doesn't do bird or distance photos, and gets no detail. I was devastated. Mr E had no clue why it bothered me.

Yesterday, I got some Little Terns flying on the good camera. He told me last night I was not to leave the good camera behind again :) Is that a win?

Good camera:

And, I read a sign that told me these were Little Terns. I had mistaken them for larger ones :( But at least now I know!

Christmas Wishes

Wishing you and yours a 

Very Merry Christmas!

If you're at home and in lockdown, or ill, or unable to connect with loved ones please know that I'm thinking of you.

The King Parrots always remind me of Christmas

Wildlife Wednesday - more birds

The Alice Springs Desert Park is a fantastic 'zoo' experience. It's spread out across quite a space, but has gorgeous, well-maintained walking tracks, lots of native 'scrub' and lots of information. There are a lot of bird aviaries, a nocturnal house, lots of other critters to see, and zookeeper chats.

We went in the afternoon when it was 42C and the woman at the entry tried to talk us out of paying our entry, and coming back the next day when it was cooler. But it was day 1 and Mr E was still in go-go-go mode, we had plenty of water, we have been used to the heat, so we went in. We were the only people in the park, aside from staff, and I'm pretty sure they watched us on CCTV to make sure we didn't die! The woman who let us in, met us as we were leaving (like, joined us for the last stretch before the exit)!

One of the joys of the bird aviaries was that they had a really light mist fall at random intervals and there was plenty of natural and man-made shade for the birds. 

Another aspect was that with no other people, and it being so hot, the birds sat pretty still!

So here are some pics:

(I'm missing some IDs - I'll try to fill them in later on)

Red-tailed Black Cockatoos

A variety of birds, including budgies

Pied Stilt

Zebra Finch

Australasian Grebe (I thought it was fake!)

A bunch of zebra finches

Western Bower bird (with pink blotch on back of head - that's real)


Port Lincoln Parrot

Orange Chat

Splendid Fairywrens
Princess Parrots


Diamond Dove

Spinifex Pigeon

White-winged Fairy-wren


Banded Lapwing

Soapbox Saturday - the power of women

During this past week, I felt the incredible power of women. Women who are making a difference in the world. It was an incredible and humbling experience. One I hope I never forget.

I attended court as a support person for a woman who had been assaulted in a domestic violence situation. It's a harrowing experience for her, and I wanted to offer my support - not knowing what I could do, or what I was expected to be, but being there anyway.

The court was an Australian local court, and first up, let me say that it was nothing like TV. The Aussie justice system is nothing like that of the US. And although I had been in regional court houses, this one was nothing like that either. I mean, the basic set up was the same, but the size of the room was vastly different. The room we were in was quite small and almost intimate. 

As it was a domestic violence case, and the victim was testifying, the court room was closed. This meant the barrister, his off-sider and the defendant were there. The judge and his staff of 2 were there. The police prosecutor was there. And I was the only support person allowed to be in the room, along with the victim.

Protection of the victim, and making sure they were as safe as possible, was paramount. We were met outside court by Mission Australia's Court Support Staff. A staff member and her volunteers. They were lovely - friendly, knowledgeable, and reassuring. They helped us navigate the entry into the building (like an airport security check).

Then the Sheriffs had to determine how many people were allowed to support the victim. The men doing this were brisk, but the Court Support Staff were supporting multiple victims, and although they entered with us, made it clear that they were not to be counted as our numbers. There was a female Sheriff, who ensured a 'safe' room was opened for us, so we could walk briskly in and be in a safe space. This meant no inadvertent contact with the ex.

The police officers and prosecutor visited us in there and let us know what to expect, and what time frame this may take.

Other women and children were in this room - this safe space that attempted to make us comfortable. It had a small kitchen facility, no windows, and a locking door. Lounge chairs, plus hard chairs. Paintings and pictures by local schools and artists.

After the evidence-giving, the female Sheriff, rushed to re-open the room so we wouldn't be have to see anyone associated with the case as they left. The police prosecutor came down to the room to give thanks, to let the evidence-giver know that she did well, and to explain the next part of the process.

At every stage, the Mission Australia Court Support Person remained with us. She gave advice, answered questions, reassured us, and chatted to us like a friend.

It was a long day from 9 am to almost 5 pm. Much of it spent sitting and waiting. It was by no means a pleasant experience. BUT the women involved in this made the experience the best that it could be. Each person empathised, did extra to ensure safety and comfort, took time to explain and ask if we understood. At times, I felt as if we were encircled in a huge hug of feminine care and love.

This wasn't what I expected. This was so much more than I could have ever imagined.

I've struggled with the masculine-feminine balance (or imbalance) in our society. But this week, I got to see women changing the balance. Women working hard to support and protect other women. Women who are largely strangers to them, but they've made their career one about creating safe spaces for other women. That was such an incredibly powerful event to witness.

Violence against women should never happen, but unfortunately, it does. For the women who are reporting it and taking the matter to justice, thank goodness for the incredible women in the system who are helping, assisting, supporting, and trying to make things better.

Wildlife Wednesday - birds, birds, birds with a few other criiters

I'm just back from a most marvellous holiday to the Northern Territory - Alice Springs and Uluru. 

We're so lucky in Australia to be able to travel. I'm so lucky to be in a position where I can afford to travel. And I'm incredibly lucky to have the health that allows me to travel - and for the first time in at least 15 years, I travelled without complete and utter exhaustion (with a few mega-walking days too!).

Going to the Territory in December isn't the smartest thing if you're not a fan of hot temperatures. Most days were between 38 - 44C. We had a couple of days under 38C which was fantastic. Nights were in the mid to late 20s. But we knew we could do the hot, dry heat of the centre. We used to live in the centre of NSW, which has similar weather conditions, so I was hoping I hadn't become 'soft' living on the coast. And I'm pleased to say I'm not too soft!

Travel when here are only domestic tourists, and in summer when people don't generally want to go to hot places without a beach, is BLISS for people who don't like crowds. Most of the McDonnell Ranges' sites we had to ourselves - except for the birds, insects, mammals, reptiles (and a Park ranger we kept bumping into - even in Woolies!).

So, here are some of the wildlife we encountered around Alice Springs. It was so incredible to see so many birds and be able to snap them. Some were right at the edge of my zoom lens - they seem to know to keep their distance! :)

Next week, I'll pop up some of the bird life from the Alice Springs desert Park. If you're ever up there, that place is incredible!

Crow escaping the heat

Brown Falcon

Crested Pigeon

White-rumped Miner - adult and juvenile

Wallaroos

White-browed Babbler

Port Lincoln Parrot

Black-fronted Dotterel

Zebra Finches having a drink

A blur of a rainbow bee-eater in flight (just above mid photo)

Rainbow bee-eater (back)

Diamond Dove

White-plumed honeyeater

Magpie Lark (pee wee)

Sacred Kingfisher (back)

Sacred Kingfisher (side)

Australian Magpie

Another Crested Pigeon

Another Miner
Another Brown Falcon, watching me carefully!

Spotted (or Western) Bower Bird

Wildlife Wednesday - Little Pied Cormorant

The Little Pied Cormorant (Phalacrocorax melanoleucos) is a cute little bird. They feed by diving underwater for fish and crustaceans, yet they aren't truly waterproof, so they need to dry their feathers. They do this by holding their wings out, which to me is the customary cormorant pose!

Sometimes they feed in flocks, but mostly they're seen alone or in small groups with each bird having it's own space to dry.

I love the expression in this picture