Robin Murphy's Blog, page 8

Authors – Make Your Own Website – Understanding Meta Tags/Data

I am not going into detail to show you how to create your own website, because basically I am a novice in this area. I have some html experience and I was able to design my website through Adobe® Macromedia Dreamweaver®, but not enough to teach you properly.

If you have experience, then you are lucky enough to do this for very little cost. You will first need to brand yourself, another words, what will the name of your website be? In order to find a name, you can go out to any number of “hosting” sites and use their search engine to see if the name you wish to use is available.

The hosting company I use is HyperMart www.hypermart.net. I absolutely love working with them and I think it competes very well with other cost-effective hosting sites I’ve seen around. They can first register your domain name, which is the name you’ve chosen for people to find you (i.e. www.robinmurphyauthor.com). It is a low yearly fee and worth having. They can host your domain name or website for a low monthly cost. They will also walk you through step-by-step in creating your website, if you choose to tackle this task.

I have also seen advertising for a company called www.1and1.com. I suggest you do a search for website hosting and use what best suits you. But I strongly suggest you get a website or at least a blog (later discussed) to get your brand name out there. You need to come across as professional and that you are serious about you as an author. The first thing anyone will do when they hear about you and your book(s) is to check out your website. You know we all do it, so it’s best you have a website to share your product and knowledge.

Now, the next thing I’d like to talk about are Meta tags and metadata, which when I first heard it I said, “Huh”? Here is a Wikipedia definition of a meta tag:

Meta elements are the HTML or XHTMLelement used to provide structured metadata about a Web page. Multiple Meta elements with different attributes are often used on the same page. Meta elements can be used to specify page description, keywords and any other metadata not provided through the other head elements and attributes.

The meta element has two uses: either to emulate the use of an HTTP response header, or to embed additional metadata within the HTML document.

With HTML up to and including HTML 4.01 and XHTML, there were four valid attributes: content, http-equiv, name and scheme. Under HTML 5 there are now five valid attributes, charset having been added. http-equiv is used to emulate an HTTP header, and name to embed metadata. The value of the statement, in either case, is contained in the content attribute, which is the only required attribute unless charset is given. charset is used to indicate the character set of the document, and is available in HTML5.

Such elements must be placed as tags in the head section of an HTML or XHTML document.

Metadata is defined as a set of data that describes and gives information about other data.

You still may be saying “huh?”, but if you have someone else creating your website, they will know what is needed to place the Meta tag within the code on your home/index page of your website. This is basically any words and/or phrases pertaining to you, your genre, etc. It’s the art of having these descriptions or phrases placed in your website so it can be found when someone does a search that relates to you and/or your books. If you are writing about paranormal mystery, then this would be a key phrase you would want to include.

In the definition above about Meta tags, it states the use can be in the header (i.e. www.robinmurphyauthor.com) or within the HTML document, which is the index page of your website. If you know code, these are strategically placed within the code, which took me awhile to figure out. If this is too much to take in, then have a website designer do this for you.

Now I know this is a lot to take in and understand what all of this means. I don’t understand everything completely myself, but after I did a great deal of research, I was able to find where to place my words within the coding and where to place it on my index page. It’s hidden and doesn’t show when it’s live out on the internet, but this is one way to have any keyword or phrase that could be searched by someone who doesn’t know who you are in a search engine.

Why do you need Meta tags and metadata? These key words or phrases hidden that are within the code is what will bring your website up within the first three pages of a search. That’s right, once you have these tags placed in your website, after a month or so, go out to a search engine and type in one of the key words or phrases you added and see where your website result lands. You can periodically do that search and see how the results change. This is key on someone who knows nothing about you…find you.

Most people don’t even realize where and what the “header” is, but the next time you go out to a website, roll your mouse over the Internet Explorer tab at the top and see what comes up. A lot of the big name websites only need the domain name there, but for us authors who are seeking to develop a large readership, placing this type of information in the “header” will bring you to the forefront in a search.

The other sections you wish to have on your site can be a page that tells a little bit about you (i.e. Meet Robin), your books, any events you are attending or have attended, a link to your blog, and of course a contact page. You can add anything you like that describes more about you because reader’s love to learn about their new favorite author.

I’ll also include, although I know you savvy writers have great common sense, not to forget to add “all” of the social media you belong to on your index/home page. It’s very important for readers to have the ability to follow or like you in those different venues. I do believe it’s important to have quick buying links to your books, along with any book trailers you’ve done, and awards you’ve won. You may want to include an option to give away the first chapter of your book free for reader’s to get a sample of your writing. From this, you will receive their email to use to contact for future books you publish. But please be mindful and respectful not to spam them with too much information. It will turn them off. It’s important to include anything that will prove your credibility and professionalism. As always, feel free to view my website at: www.robinmurphyauthor.com for any ideas.

Food for Thought…Literally

I had a routine procedure the other day…yes the one you are to have when you reach fifty…okay, I’ll say it once and then move on…colonoscopy.

This post isn’t about that, no need to discuss it, but my thoughts did turn toward food when my husband mentioned about an article he read in National Geographic about feeding the world.

You see, when one must go through the prep before the “procedure”, you are only allowed to eat or drink clear liquids. Naturally I had a predisposition about this and went into motion to purchase jello, popsicles, ginger ale, and gatorade. I wasn’t quite sure how I was going to manage making it through the twenty-four hour period on just a liquid diet. I tend to get very lightheaded if I don’t eat a meal at the appropriate time of day.

Needless to say, I was actually able to manage without getting any major hunger pangs, but while I was having my “procedure”, my husband read the article I mentioned earlier and he proceeded to share with me the factoids about the actual amount of food that we have in the world.

Basically, we have enough food to feed ten billion people in the world, about 2500 calories per meal per person. That sounds amazing doesn’t it? But the problem isn’t with the “amount” of food produced, but getting it to everyone. I think we all know that hunger is caused by poverty and inequality, and of course, this has been a concern…forever really.

What struck me when my husband shared this story was what I felt during my twenty-four hour of a liquid diet. I felt a bit ashamed of my fear the day before the “prep” of how I was going to “survive” the ordeal of being hungry. I did have moments of hunger, which isn’t very pleasant, but I was able to get up and have some jello or chicken broth.

The world knows what a huge problem this is, and we know there are some countries far worse off than others, but the reality is, how much does anyone actually do to help?

Maybe if we each did, even just a little, to help those in need. Support our local food banks, or donate to those reputable food drives, because you never know who’s dealing with hunger, it could be someone right next door.

Oh, and let’s not forget to also be sure and have that “procedure” when it’s time. To me, that’s just common sense.

QR Codes Help in Author Marketing

I’d like to provide one of many links to create a QR code, which stands for Quick Response code, and is used with the smart phones. You can download the QR code app on your phone, which is free, and then you can go to this link.

You can use any link, but I use my Amazon purchase link for the sole purpose of book festivals, author signing; anywhere I’m selling my books. I embed that code icon onto my informational sheet I spoke of earlier that I display on my author table. The reason is, anyone with a smart phone can scan the code and it will immediately take them to the buying page for your book on Amazon. This will come in handy if you run out of books at a festival. Let’s face it, that’s a great feeling, but if you sell out early and you have a few hours to remain at the festival, you certainly don’t want to turn away a sale. The patron can purchase it online right then and there.

“Everyone’s spiritual path is perfect”…Deepak Chopra

I’ve begun to seriously meditate over the last year and I was lucky enough to join Oprah and Deepak Chopra during their 21 meditation. I found myself looking forward to that quiet quality time for myself. It was difficult at first trying to quiet the mind, let alone focus on the mantra of the day to open myself to the Universe.

However, I’ve discovered little by little that the meditation is working for me. I think I always knew to take a few deep breaths during a pivotal stressing moment to calm myself, but the daily meditations have brought me to a realization that the law of attraction really does work.

During each meditation Deepak would walk me through a new mantra for the day which would usually give me an “aha” moment, but one mantra in particular, everyone’s spiritual path is perfect, suddenly had the greatest impact on my own inner peace.

Basically, it means that everyone’s journey in life is theirs and theirs alone. It’s so common for everyone, especially parents, to question a choice or decision someone has made. How many times have we all said, “What were they thinking?” or “Why on earth would they decide to do that?”

Deepak went on to explain that in order for us to have our own “inner” peace, we need to not worry about the spiritual path someone else has chosen. We need to embrace their decisions and support them, even if they fail. This is what they were supposed to do.

As I meditated on that statement, I began to find myself understanding more and more how that would create my own inner peace. It doesn’t matter what anyone else does or chooses to do, it’s their path. It’s not up to me to change their mind or help them make the decision. All I have to do is…support them.

But then I took it a little further in my daily life, and had this deep wish that the world could practice that mantra and stop all the judging, finger pointing, bullying, making fun of, and ridiculing others for choosing to be different or taking a different path that we wouldn’t do or understand. It’s not up to us.

The other wish is, to not use Thanksgiving, Christmas, or any other holiday to only practice loving others. We need to be better for our children, and our children’s children, and teach by example to live this kind of daily life. You’d be surprised how completely fulfilling it is to be kind…every day.

So, I’d like to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, and let’s bring 2015 in with grace, love, and gratitude. Because remember, what you put out into the Universe, comes back to you…why not make sure it’s positive.

Virtual Book/Blog Tours

A virtual book tour is just that, doing an online book/blog tour. It’s when an author visits blogs and websites during a specific time period to promote their book. Site visits can include book excerpts, author interviews, book reviews, podcasts, or guest blogger posts. Authors get to share their work with new audiences. The host gets to bring fun new content to their visitors, everyone wins.

There are two sides to doing a virtual book tour. You can do a search and find dozens of paid businesses who offer virtual book tour packages to have your book hosted, or to be a host yourself for a cost. The costs vary and it’s up to you on whether you want to pay the fee because some of the prices are hefty.

Another option is for free, I like this option. What I did, and again this is just my journey, was a search with the phrase pertaining to the genre of my book and included “virtual book tour”. You can use the best phrase that suits you and your book. As you peruse the results, search through to see the different people offering virtual book tours and carefully read their posts, etc. You will find information on how to contact them to host you. You will also want to choose someone who has many followers, that’s what gets your name out to new readers. You can either do an interview, have them read your book to do a book review (but you need that thick skin, remember), or whatever they offer. Most of the time the process and the people are kind and generous. I’ve done quite a few interviews, and as I said earlier, these posts remain out there forever, unless the host physically removes the post, which normally doesn’t happen because they are trying to get followers as well. Once you are finished and the online product has been posted, be sure to send a thank you, this is a must for anything you do, it goes a long way to setting up your reputation. Oh and don’t forget to promote the post on all of your social media.

If you choose to host a virtual book tour, please know there is a great deal of work involved in creating a successful tour. I have not had the opportunity to host one myself, but I can give you some steps on how you would go about creating the tour.

First, you want to be sure you know your audience. For me, it would involve anything paranormal, psychic mediums, mystery, ghost investigations, spirit guides, etc. Then you will want to start reading the blogs that target your audience just as I said earlier by doing a search. Begin to follow their blog, read their posts, see how many followers they have, do they post often or offer any giveaways. If they fit the bill, jot down their information or save their blog to your favorites so you can contact them to be a part of your tour.

Now you will want to create an invitation. An average tour lasts two weeks, but it’s up to you if you prefer to do a quick blast and only have it last four or five days. If you go with the two weeks, then that’s fourteen bloggers chatting about your book, which is great exposure.

Design an invitation that includes a synopsis of your work, the cover image of your book, the dates of the tour, your contact information and an explanation of what a virtual book tour is. Be clear that you would like them to participate. List a few ideas of posts that they can participate in and ask them to respond with their preference. Here are a few examples of posts: a review of your book, highlighting your book trailer, posting an excerpt from your book, an interview Q&A style between you and the blogger or a character interview, a spotlight on you as the author, offer to be a guest writer on their blog that day and sponsor a giveaway. You can offer a giveaway of an autographed copy of your book for anyone participating. That means they get a free hard copy of your autographed book and they can give it away on their blog.

Send out your invitation to at least 20 bloggers. If you get more than 14 that will be on your tour, double up two blogs on one day or extend your tour for a few extra days.

Be sure to schedule bloggers on specific dates and email them their date and the information they will need for the post which would include your author biography, a synopsis of your book and a jpeg image of your book cover and yourself, make sure it’s a professional headshot. Provide all of your links to social media sites such as Twitter, Facebook, your blog, your website, and where to purchase your book to be included in their blog post. You’ll also want to double check that you are following everyone on their social media sites participating in your blog tour.

If your tech savvy you can create a button to give to your participants to include in a sidebar of their blog with a link that takes them directly back to your blog. Then you can mail a hard copy of your book to the participants if they are hosting a giveaway of your book. You can suggest to them that in order for readers to sign up for the giveaway, they need to follow your links on your social media, etc. Then you should send out email reminders a week before of the participant’s date of their post.

On the day of the tour be sure to post a link of that participant’s website/blog on your blog and they will post about you on their blog. Advertise everywhere on your social media author platform and remember to post a comment on their blog, which shows your appreciation for them participating.

Once the tour is over, you can sit back and relax and know that you just created a buzz about your book and hopefully gained a readership following.

It’s No Big Deal

It was an exciting day ahead for me as I woke up and excitedly chose my outfit for a photo shoot. I had just self-published the second book in my paranormal mystery series, Secret of the Big Easy, and I was getting my picture taken for the local newspaper.

Fussing with the last minute touches of my makeup I received a text from my son, Nathan.

“Morning.”

I replied, “Hey morning. What’s up baby?”

“Nothing, I just can’t sleep, as usual. I guess I’ve been stressed.”

After taking a last glance in the mirror I sent a text message back replying, “Over what honey?”

“Just stupid random stuff.”

“Aw, I’m sorry. There’s no reason you should be stressed. You have great roommates and a cool apartment. A job while you’re going to school. You’re a senior in college. You’ll be fine. One day at a time. Go get some exercise. I don’t like cutting this short, but I’m getting ready to leave and drive, so I can’t text anymore. I’m going to get my picture taken today for that article.”

“Okay, I’ll let you go. Text me when you’re finished.”

“Will do, love you.”

After an hour of chatting with the photographer about paranormal mysteries and ghost hunting I got back into my car and sent a text to tell Nathan I was heading over to the garage to get the emissions checked on our car.

He replied, “I sent you an email, but don’t read it when you’re driving.”

“Okay, but I don’t see anything on my phone. Let me head over there now and I’ll check in a little while.”

I pulled into the garage and stopped at the signal from the upheld hands of the mechanic and got out of the car. I waited in the tiny cubicle they called a lounge and again checked my phone. Still no email from Nate, so I perused my work emails until my car was finished. I paid the fourteen dollars, got back into my car, and did a last minute check on my phone. I finally saw the email. I pulled out of the garage and into the parking lot and read what he had sent.

 

Mom,

I feel there are a lot of things that have been wearing so heavily on me that I haven’t been able to talk about with you, which is hard because not only are you my mom but you’re also one of my best friends, whom I go to for everything. I feel like a coward for sending this to you via email, but I don’t quite think the words would come out if I were to try and physically talk to you.

It’s taken me a while to tell you this and I feel awful for that. But I love you so much and you’re one of the most understanding and compassionate people I have ever known in my lifetime. I feel like I have been putting on an act and never really been able to say two simple words, “I’m gay”. With this said, I hope it doesn’t come as a shock to you, considering how in tune to details you are.

I’m almost 22 years old now and I want you to know me for who I am, even though it doesn’t change who I truly am.

I’m really sorry for dropping this on you now and I hope it doesn’t ruin your day, but there’s been a lot on my mind and it kills me not to be able to come to you for advice. I understand if you need time to take this all in, and again, I’m so sorry that I had to do it through an email.

Love, Nathan

 

My breathing stopped and there was a low humming in my ears. There were no tears but my heart began to beat at such a rapid pace that my arms began to tingle. Time stood still as cars whizzed by me on the main road. I re-read the email and immediately dialed Nathan’s number.

When he answered the phone I paused with a small hesitation and his voice hitched. He immediately thought I was disappointed. I told him that was not the case and I loved him more than he could ever imagine. He shared with me he knew he was gay when he was a senior in high school and he officially came out in his sophomore year of college. He was proud and comfortable in his own skin and the only struggle he had was telling me.

I told him I sort of suspected for a short while now but subconsciously tucked that thought in the back of my brain. We chatted for a little while longer but I told him I needed to head back to work. I regained some composure and tried to remember how to drive a car. I knew it probably wasn’t a very smart idea but I needed to do something. I drove to my husband’s place of employment in a fog and relayed the information to him and read the email…again. My husband said he wasn’t surprised and he had suspected this for a while too.  He said he had a gut feeling a few years back when he saw how Nathan hung out with a ton of girls but he never dated any of them.  He couldn’t really put his finger on it, it was just a gut feeling.  But even though we suspected, we still felt a sense of shock.

I said goodbye to my husband remembering his wonderful words of support and encouragement and started the drive home, when within a short distance down the road…it happened. I was two minutes away from my house when a wave of emotions exploded out of my mouth with sounds I never knew existed. After what felt like an eternity, I arrived in my driveway and sat in the car and sobbed. I’m not sure how long I sat there, but I couldn’t see through my tears and my nose was stuffed to the point that I had to breathe through my mouth, which brought on more strange noises.

I made it into the house and melted onto the living room couch and tried to understand why I was crying. I wasn’t ashamed. I was proud of my son. He told me he wasn’t ashamed of himself and was proud of who he was. Why on earth am I crying?

As my breathing slowly returned to normal I understood the reason for my tears. Nathan had known since he was a senior in high school. All of his friends knew and everyone now in college knew…except me. Where did I go wrong to give off the impression that my son couldn’t come to me with this? I wasn’t there for him during a time of grave importance in discovering who he was and how he felt. Was he frightened? Did people make fun of him? I wasn’t there to protect him. I wasn’t there to share his feelings of concern, fear, or there to have heart to heart conversations. I felt like a failure. Every mother’s passion for their child is to be there for them no matter what goes on in their lives. To bandage their cut knees, wipe away their tears, chase away the bullies, and hold them in our arms until all the pain goes away.

After pushing all of those thoughts out of my head, I realized another reason for my tears. I believe I had this perception of normal for my son’s life. You know the one where he gets an amazing job, finds a wife, gets married, and has children? Then I felt ashamed for assuming what my idea was of normal.

My phone rang and Nathan’s name appeared on the screen. I answered trying to clear my voice and disguise the muffled sound coming through my nose.

“Hey, how’s it going?” I rolled my eyes and thought what a dumb question.

He replied, “It’s going great, but how are you?”

“Well, I can’t deny I wasn’t a little shocked, even though I suspected. I also can’t deny that I’ve been crying for the last hour. At first I didn’t understand my tears, but I suddenly realized that I feel as though I have failed you. Why on earth couldn’t you come to me with this when you were a senior in high school? Were you scared or confused when you discovered this about yourself? Did people hurt you when you told them? I’m also embarrassed to admit that I always envisioned you getting married and having children. I guess I have so many questions.”

Nathan cleared his throat and said, “Mom, this has nothing to do with the kind of parent you are or how you raised me. In fact, you raised me with open eyes and with unconditional love and you taught me to never judge others. I don’t understand where it comes from but I just realized I had more feelings for men than women, and I was never scared or confused. I know exactly who I am…which is me. Nothing has changed and being gay doesn’t define who I am. And no, nobody was mean to me when I came out to them. They all pretty much assumed I was gay. I still want a family, and you certainly didn’t fail as a mother. In fact, because of you it was easy for me to come out. But I should have told you earlier and I apologize for that, because the one person whose opinion means the most to me is yours, and I couldn’t bear to see any pain on your face when I told you. So I avoided it…until now.”

A smile slowly erupted over my face and I took a deep breath. “Well Nate, I’m proud of you. It takes a real man to stand up and let the world know who he is without any fear. You are still the same handsome, intelligent, funny, loving, and compassionate Nathan you’ve always been. And I couldn’t love you more. I just need to alter my perception of normal a little.”

Nathan chuckled and said, “Thanks mom, you have no idea how important that is to me. I need to go. Call me with any other questions you may have. I do need some dating advice. But I think I’ll give you a little more time before we jump into that conversation. But remember, it’s no big deal, love you.”

“Yes thank you for giving me time on the subject of dating. And I love you too Nate. More than you will ever know.”

I set the phone on my lap and looked up at the ceiling and smiled. “He’s right it isn’t a big deal, and thank you God. Thank you for giving me the greatest gift I could have ever received…my son.”

In the following days to come I felt the need to share this with our immediate family, mainly out of respect. I suppose I wanted to take the burden off of Nathan. I carefully weighed the order in which I would place the phone calls and one by one I called my step children and then my parents and siblings. It was difficult at first trying to refrain from blubbering but I was amazed at the responses I received. Just about everyone had already suspected Nathan was gay. In fact, my parents had been waiting for this phone call for the past several years. Which makes me wonder, where the hell was I? How did I not know earlier? Many have told me I was too close to the situation. Who knows, but they all gave me such incredible support and were equally proud of Nathan. It warmed my heart to have these people in my family and life.

But unfortunately, all wasn’t perfect and some of my family members shared their opposing opinion on the subject. Of course, I did ask for it. They went on to tell me they believed being gay was a choice and that Nathan was sinning. They quoted from the bible stating marriage is a sacred vow between a man and woman. But they also said that Jesus broke bread with the sinners. I guess that was some consolation in their minds. But as I sat and listened it didn’t surprise me and my first response was, “Aren’t we all sinners?”

I could feel my face getting hot and I believe if this had happened a few years ago I would have popped off over the phone and then hung up. But I have grown over the years and I just decided to tell them that we’ll have to agree to disagree.

Now, don’t get me wrong, the second I hung up the phone I began to cry. It broke my heart and I needed to share it with my husband and parents. My parents said I should pray for them to learn tolerance. However, I didn’t feel like praying for them. I knew the most important thing for me was to forgive, if not for their sake, but for my own so I could heal. But I just wasn’t there yet. I needed to grieve, and grieving is what I did. I went to bed only to toss and turn throughout the night. I vowed I wouldn’t share any of this with Nathan. He didn’t need to know how these people felt. It’s only now as this story unfolds, that Nathan is learning about what took place.

I am, have always been, and always will continue to be a person of very strong faith. After hearing those harsh words I began to doubt the whole concept of homosexuality. Yes, I felt as if I or Nathan had done something wrong. But that literally only lasted for a few minutes. I knew the thoughts I had were not true because I know my God, and my God gave me my son as a gift, and this was to be our journey.

After a few more days of working through the pain I decided to reach out to some of my gay friends. I shared my story and asked how they dealt with their coming out. It surprised me how different each situation was, but all of them stated that being gay was not a choice…it just is. It helped me to hear their stories and to learn and understand their views. I wasn’t alone in having some family members pull out the bible card and it was refreshing to hear their reaction was a common one. They all agreed I was handling it wonderfully and reaching out to them was a good step in the process. They also said how extremely difficult it was for Nathan to come out to me and the way I responded was therapeutic for him.

As the weeks continued to progress I found myself sharing Nathan’s coming out with a few close friends and co-workers. I really can’t say why other than it was possibly therapeutic for me, and hearing me say it became easier. Even though I’m tremendously proud of my son and love him unconditionally, I still can’t deny it’s odd for me in the sense that I’m ignorant in this area. I’m not gay and have only learned to know friends who are gay later on in life. This was the first experience with someone so close to me. The biggest concern I had was to be sure I learned everything I could to be a better support system for my son.

There are still people I haven’t told about Nathan coming out. I think it’s because I’ve discovered that it isn’t a big deal. It’s not as if you go up to a person and say hello, how have you been, oh by the way, Nathan’s gay. Such a silly concept, don’t you think?

I know there will come a time when Nathan will meet someone and bring him home to meet me and my husband. I again won’t deny this will be a new experience for me and a little scary perhaps, but I will welcome them with open arms because that is something I do know about…motherhood. I chose to have my son and raise him with unconditional love and teach him to become the exact person he is, and I grow more proud of him every day. So, in my mind, you take baby steps and walk in faith. Isn’t that what life is all about?

I can honestly say that I love the life I’ve been given. I’ve always enjoyed new things and challenges in my growth as a person and this is definitely one of them. After all, we can’t change what we’ve been given in life, no matter what the circumstances. It’s how we handle the situation day to day that matters and I try to grow and learn to do better every day.

It has been over two years since Nathan came out and it no longer pops into my head every fifteen minutes. I ask Nathan questions, and he continually laughs hysterically at some of them, but I can’t help it. I am who I am, and we’ve always been pretty up front and honest. I even sent him a picture of some men who were out in a restaurant that I thought were handsome. His response was that I crack him up.

I said, “Hey, it doesn’t matter who you date, I’m still going to have a say.”

I remember him asking me how I didn’t know he was gay because we watch BRAVO together. Yes, that’s Nathan and he makes me laugh often too. But I did have a frightening question I asked him when he first came out to me. It was one I wrestled with but needed to know. I had read where some young teenagers had committed suicide instead of coming out to anyone, or because of the way someone responded to their coming out. That broke my heart. I couldn’t stand the idea of my son possibly struggling with those thoughts. When I asked, he emphatically answered …no. He was that confident and secure. I can’t deny I stood a little taller when I heard his response.

As far as the family members who quoted me the bible, well I have forgiven them. It wasn’t easy and I did it in my own time. I had to, because I wouldn’t be any better than they are with regard to judging. They’re entitled to their opinions and belief systems, just as I am with mine. But I do feel a little sorry for them because it seems like such a narrow way to think and live.

There are so many people out in the world with a vast variety of beliefs and preferences and I find that exciting because the world is massive and we’re only on it for such a short time. I think it’s fascinating to learn about anyone and everyone who comes in and out of my life. I’m a curious person by nature and I think everyone who lives on this earth is contributing something and you never know how they may affect you.

I can’t control what anyone else may think or say with regard to Nathan being gay. To be perfectly honest, I really don’t care. I can only account for myself and I plan to continue to learn to be a better person. I want to treat everyone I meet with the same respect as I would want them to treat me. It doesn’t matter whether they are black, white, purple, green, short, tall, thin, fat, gay, bisexual, catholic, protestant, Jewish, atheist, Republican, Democrat, man, woman, rich, poor, own a large home, homeless, or anything else that I may have missed. We are all the same and live in a country where we deserve to be treated equally. We all matter.

So if you are struggling with either being gay and haven’t come out yet or are a parent of someone who is gay or bisexual or someone has wronged you because of your sexual preference, don’t let it break your spirit or demean who you are. Stand strong and proud and take those baby steps of faith and know you are not alone. Because that’s exactly what I have done and I’m all the richer having done so, because just as Nathan said, “It’s no big deal.”

Rest in Peace Dan – back dated 7/17/2013 (TBT)

It’s interesting as I reflect over the past five days and realize how we clearly cannot control the outcome of our lives. You see, my son lost his father unexpectedly at the age of 56 and it tore my heart out to watch him go through the pain of having to take charge and bury his father at age 22.

I remember Pastor Gary stating at the service how we cannot begin to understand God’s plan. I’ve always believed that, and as I get older and go through difficult times, I come to realize we are at his mercy.

Back in 1987, I married Nathan’s father, Dan, at the age of 24. I can honestly say I was in love with him and ready to begin a new journey. Part of that journey was starting a family, and low and behold I became pregnant in November of 1989.

Within 4 to 6 weeks of the pregnancy on a cold December morning, I was taking a bath and getting ready for work. We were renting in my home town of Windber, PA and the bathroom did not have a shower. As the water slowly began to go down the drain, I noticed blood mixed in the soap. I hysterically called for Dan and was afraid to move. We called my sister-in-law, Kathy an OBGYN nurse, and she told me to lie down in bed and call the doctor. I did as instructed, and they gave me the same instructions and told me to wait…and when I needed to go to the bathroom to pay attention to anymore discharge.

I then immediately called my parents to come and stay with me while Nathan’s dad went to work, but not before he went out and bought a telephone to place in our bedroom so I didn’t have to get up to answer the phone, and to also have it there for any emergency.

My mother never left my side and within 4 to 5 hours I needed to use the bathroom, but I refused to go for fear of the outcome. I can’t begin to tell you how frightened I was of losing my child, but the agony of not relieving my bladder overcame everything and my mother promised to stay by my side. After repeating the Lord’s Prayer about a million times, I gave in and thankfully, all was well. There was no discharge and after that victory, I called my doctor and he explained that it was probably the warm water that broke some of the blood vessels, but he advised me to stop taking baths from here on out. So the next order of business was my father and Dan putting in a shower as to not allow this to happen again, and on August 26, 1990 at around 1:15 a.m., Nathaniel Joseph Hubai was born and the world was a better place.

Fast forward to present, there were so many thoughts that ran through my mind as I stayed at my son’s side as he began the process of making the most difficult decisions of his life to plan his father’s funeral. The stabbing pain I felt in my heart plagued me knowing I couldn’t do a single thing to make any of the process easier or to completely take it away from him as I was able to do when he was a child. I knew he needed to go through this because it was important he received closure.

I’m not even sure if pride begins to touch the surface of what I felt watching my son step up and take charge of his responsibilities. He not only gave an amazing and respectable tribute to his father, he was there supporting his family helping them through their pain.

I know it was a blur and now that it’s over, Nathan will have to return to “reality” of his job, moving into a new apartment, and get back into life. For we all know that life doesn’t stop, but I know Nathan will succeed in this endeavor and over time the pain will be a tiny bit less each day. He’ll never forget, but he will be able feel confident in the sendoff for his dad and that he is at peace and in a better place.

As for me, I think I was able to have closure as well. It’s been 17 years since I last saw his father and I wasn’t quite sure if I would be able to be there, but my inner need as a mother and the love for my son took over and I placed my selfish emotions aside.

So, God Bless Dan, and I hope you will continue to look down upon your son as his guardian angel and nudge him when he needs a little help and protect him from the other side, and I will continue to do my part as we promised on the day he was baptized and protect him on this side.

As I said, we cannot question God’s plan, and it was obvious that Dan and I were together to create one of God’s most amazing gifts, our son. Even though we fell out of love and we moved on with our separate lives, Nathan was always first and foremost in what we did separately for him.

As I close, I believe that we need to live life to the fullest and without fear and to remain in the moment each and every day. Life is short, and when you experience a loss such as Nathan and his family has, it reminds you even more to forgive those who have hurt you, to tell the people in your life you love them every day, and to be kind to one another because you don’t want to have any regrets in this life…or in the next.

Reviews…A Matter of Opinion

I have gone back and forth whether I should write about how I feel about reviews, or just “write” it off and move on. But that isn’t like me…one of the things about me is I need to let it all out. That’s why I write, or talk it to death with my husband and drive him to the funny farm, which I have done on this subject.

I do believe that writers need reviews to catapult their book up the scale to attract more readers. That’s a common sense fact, and a smart one. It’s also a very scary thing for me to do, only because I (and I believe all writers) hold my stories near and dear to my heart. My skin has slowly taken on a leather-like quality, but it’s still painful to receive a less than stellar review, which recently happened the other day. Especially when there are loads of 5+ reviews for the same book.

Don’t get me wrong, I asked for the review. Yep, that’s right, I asked for it, so it’s up to me to handle it. One of the things I sincerely believe in, for myself, is to improve as a writer. I wish to get better in every possibly way with my writing (i.e. story line, character development, etc. etc.). You name it, I want to grow and improve, because quite frankly, I love to write. I absolutely adore it. It fulfills me in ways I never had in any job I’ve ever held. I need to write.

The other thing about reviews, if it’s below a 3+ rating, is I try to tear each line apart and see if I can truly learn from the review. Now, I won’t lie, the first thing I’d like to do is track the reviewer down and give them a good thrashing…if people still do that today, but after the first response wanes a little, I remind myself that I like to turn everything into a positive. What can I take away from this particular review? Can I improve my writing, or the story?

But if there is absolutely nothing to take away from the below average review, if what is being stated is not beneficial in any way, then I have to just tell myself, “Hey, they just didn’t like the story Robin, and that’s okay”. It’s not the end of the world, although at the time it may feel like it. I reminded myself that best seller authors have received many 1 and 2 star reviews. Sometimes the book is just not that reader/reviewers cup of tea.

So I picked myself up off the floor after my tantrum, dusted off my clothes, dried my eyes, released the hair from my hand and told myself, “Robin…keep on writing”!

Mentoring…Keep on Writing

Sisters in Crime Blog Hop – I find it interesting to use the word “mentor”. The definition, of course, is someone who teaches or gives help and advice to a less experienced and often younger person. When you hear someone say, “He or she is my mentor”, it brings the question to my mind, how exactly is that person helping this other person? Did they ask for help? Did they just latch onto this person and follow their lead? I would think being a mentor would be a lot of pressure. Let’s also remember that before you offer your advice, be sure you were asked for it in the first place.

My thoughts to mentor a new writer in the writing business would be, go for it. If you’re thinking about being a writer, or have an inner desire to explode your thoughts on paper, then do it. I remember a wonderful line in the movie, Finding Forrester, played by Sean Connery. The biggest impact on me was how Sean Connery told young Jamal, as he sat in front of the typewriter, “Don’t think, just type. You can think after the first draft has been written.” I love that idea. It rang true for me. My motto…keep on writing.

I’ve been interviewed a few times, and a question that often comes up is, “When did you decide to be a writer?” My answer, “I didn’t…writing found me.” I don’t believe in stereotypes of any kind, especially for writers. There are many, not all, who believe that writers wanted to be writers when they were young, and then went onto school to do so. For me, my story came from within and out of nowhere landed on the keyboard and into a novel. Don’t get me wrong, I took writing classes, something I would mentor a new writer to do. It helped me polish my craft, but I sincerely believe that all writers have a story to tell, so they need to clear any negative thoughts…and keep on writing.

The writing world has changed in ways that are too long to post here, but I feel that every writer needs to find their own path. They need to make mistakes, as we all have, and then learn from them to become a better writer. There isn’t a right or wrong way to write. There isn’t a place to sit to write that’s better than another. The key is to tap into that creative mind and just…write. Believe in yourself and know that you can do it and then pay it forward to help other new writers.

So if a new writer came to me and asked for advice in the writing business, or wished me to be their mentor, I would be glad to help in any way I can and then I’d be sure to remind them to…keep on writing.

Robin is also the sole proprietor of Rookie Writers Solutions: www.rookiewriterssolutions.com

Enjoy the next blog post by J. M. Northup

www.sistersincrime.org/BlogHop

Amazon Author Central – An Important Aspect of Marketing

Creating your profile on Amazon Author Central is another way of smart marketing, this may be my opinion, but I think you’ll hear that common thought from many authors.

Let’s face it; we’re all about getting our name out there to establish new readers, so this is definitely a needed addition in your marketing platform. If you choose to create an author central page, you can go to the sign in or sign up page at https://authorcentral.amazon.com. Most of us already have an account through Amazon, so you can login using your already established username and password.

Here is a great link that shows you everything you need to know on how to set up your author central page https://authorcentral.amazon.com/gp/help. You’ll learn how to add your book(s), create a profile, and track your sales information and rank, as well as adding a link to your blog and your book trailers.

Remember…keep on writing.