Quinn McDonald's Blog, page 15

Saturday Creative Hop

Beautiful colors, fascinating abstract design–it’s easy to love the art of Helen Wells.

“The Underwater Dream” �� Helen Wells

From her website: “This unique painting is made by adding multiple layers of watercolour paint, and detailing with a pencil and iridescent silver watercolour paint.”

Paste magazine talks about books, and books are art. And this discussion is about Harper Lee and her new book Go Set A Watchman.

Harper Lee

There is a lot of controversy about the book, written before To Kill A Mockingbird. The concern is that Harper Lee is not mentally clear enough to make the decision and is (or is not) being manipulated by her lawyer.

Duy Huynh is a Vietnamese artist who paints poignant and beautiful artistic works that illustrate ancient myths, fairy tales and comic books.

��Duy Huynh

He learned to paint as a way to illustrate his own communication struggle when he learned English as an immigrant.

�� Duy Huynh

The idea of trust in the above painting is particularly poignant to me.

For me, posters are a perfect opportunity for good design. Poster Cabaret has a lot of posters and art prints, including this crane poster by Michelle Morin.

�� Michelle Morin, “Cranes”

Andrew Bird concert poster by Jason Munn.

Ben Harper poster �� Jason Munn

Munn does several great graphic effects in his posters.

Have a creative weekend!

–-Quinn McDonald is having fun with taxes. It’s almost as much fun as nailing your tongue to the wall.

Filed under: idea boosts, Links, resources, idea boosts Tagged: creative ideas, Creativity, Harper Lee, posteres, watercolor

You’re Not Who I Imagined You to Be

You read a book you love, you imagine the author to be someone who could be your best friend. You read the next book, it’s even better. You feel you know the author. You meet the author at a book signing and he doesn’t have a flash of soul recognition. Or maybe he is dumpy, frumpy, and a bit cranky. You go home and toss out all the books and change your fanmail review on Amazon. Your imagination has been bruised.

Interesting, huh? Once we have an image of someone in our heads, we don’t want them to be anything else. We say things like, “I used to like her, but then she changed. . .” or “She wasn’t anything like I expected.” And quite often, if the real person is not like our imagined one, it’s not ourselves we adjust. Instead, we walk away, slightly angry and disappointed. The real person failed to be our imagined creation.

After meeting me at a book signing, one woman realized I am not the illustrator she imagined me to be. Although I state this clearly in both books, she had thought that someone who writes like I do, and does art, must also be an illustrator. She thought I was just being modest. And here I was, not a modest illustrator, writing a how-to book on expressive art. The nerve! She told me as much, and walked away without buying a book. Deep breath . . . and. . . not my problem to solve. Yes, I write about expressive creativity, but my focus is on the Inner Critic, the voice that ruins who we are and shames us for not being someone we can’t be.

Often training clients who have never met me imagine me as younger, thinner, prettier. Their faces go through contortions while they try to think of something acceptable to say. My favorite (and most flattering comment, to my ears) was, “Your emails are so professional and smart, I thought you’d be more like me.” Yes, that’s exactly what we want. Recognizing our best selves in others so we can like them.

Those reactions is one way I prove to people they are creative. We make up images, backstories, expected behavior, and are then surprised, disappointed or even a bit angry when our imagination “fooled” us. The sign of real creativity is to be open to change and surprise.

–-Quinn McDonald is a writer, coach, and writing intstructor.

 

 

Filed under: Creativity, idea boosts, In My Life, Inner Hero/Inner Critic Tagged: being who you are, being you, your true self

The New Book

I don’t talk much about the book I am writing. It’s not that I’m secretive or hiding anything. From long experience, I know that if I talk about it too much, I’ll pull the wind out of the sails. The ideas will shrink.

Without memory, there would be no books; without books, we would have no memories.

This week, I’ve been having a hard time with the book. I keep writing around the issue at hand. Finally, early this morning, I sat down and wrote a very hard section. A section that did not cast a flattering light on my own Story. Or me.

And that was the whole point. I did dumb things. I still do. But I am no longer making them the heart of my Story–the reason for my mistakes. The excuse to continue making the same mistakes. Once you own your mistakes and admit them, you take away the feeding frenzy of your Inner Critic.

We love our Stories. They are the meat and marrow of the decisions we make every day. Unfortunately, they are also the main meal for our Inner Critics.

“My parents never encouraged me,” we sigh, feeding the Inner Critic the “you can’t be enough because you weren’t nurtured” broth.

“At home, the boys got all the attention,” we complain, spooning the sweet accusation that we aren’t worth the effort of love, attention, or praise into the mouth of our Inner Critic.

“No one ever loved me enough,” we say, giving the Inner Critic a meaty bone of self-doubt to chew on for years.

The saddest (and funniest) childhood comment I’ve heard as a coach came from

from anagarcialopez.com

the client who said, “My parents gave me everything. They encouraged me and praised me. No wonder I never learned how to deal with disappointment. I don’t have the ability to be self-critical. It was my parent’s fault, really.”

Poor childhood. It can’t win. If we’re treated badly, it ruined our life. If we were treated well, that’s wrong, too.

Yes, I take seriously the grim stories of childhood I hear–stories of abuse, abandonment, loss. No one can take any of those stories lightly. They cause terrible damage. But not irreparable damage.

The sign of growth, the sign of change, the sign of reinvention is the willingness to admit that we can’t go back and change the past. It happened. Blessedly, it is also over, and in the past. The next step is yours to make and live. And that’s what the book is about.

–-Quinn McDonald is writing a book. Again. It’s turned into a habit.

Filed under: In My Life, The Writing Life Tagged: inner critic, making yourself write, the hard part of writing, writing a book

Introverts of the World, Unite!

Susan Cain’s book.

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking is a book that helps introverts claim a respectable place in society. Susan Cain, a self-proclaimed introvert, takes on our culture’s love of “outgoing” people. In school, kids are put in groups to learn; at work, we “collaborate” and work in teams–all difficult for introverts. Many organizations now require a personality inventory like Myers-Briggs�� before a job offer is extended. Introverts are weeded out as “not fitting in.”

Susan Cain sees a big link between the 1963’s publication of The Feminine Mystique and Quiet. Cain says,

“Introverts are to extroverts what women were to men at that time–second-class citizens with gigantic amounts of untapped talent. Our schools, workplaces, and religious institutions are designed for extroverts, and many introverts believe that there is something wrong with them and that they should try to ���pass��� as extroverts. The bias against introversion leads to a colossal waste of talent, energy, and, ultimately, happiness.”

I’m reading the book for the second time now, and am finding it more interesting than the second time. It’s good to know that introverts may process more slowly, but it’s also more carefully, and when they do speak, it’s generally powered with information and facts, not bluster and hype.

Cain points out the advantages of being an introvert:

“introverts like to be alone–and introverts enjoy being cooperative. Studies suggest that many of the most creative people are introverts, and this is partly because of their capacity for quiet. Introverts are careful, reflective thinkers who can tolerate the solitude that idea-generation requires. On the other hand, implementing good ideas requires cooperation, and introverts are more likely to prefer cooperative environments, while extroverts favor competitive ones.”

I like the mix of research and personal stories. I don’t claim the book is hard science, but it is an eye opener for all the people who think that Type A workers are the only ones who can make a financially or culturally meaningful contribution.

–Quinn McDonald is a writer, creativity coach, and introvert.

Filed under: Book Reviews, Reviews Tagged: benefits of being an introvert, introverts, susan cain

Things I Never Thought I’d Say

Life is weird. At certain times in your life, you are sure you would never say anything odd, embarrassing, silly or just plain dumb. But then, technology changes, you change, and you are saying things you could not have imagined yourself saying 20 years ago. Or ever. Travel is broadening, but in so many ways I had never imagined.

1. If you remember a time when there were only landlines, phones were attached to the wall or sat on a small table. When you phoned someone you never had to ask, “Where are you?” because the answer was one of two rooms where the extensions were.

2. “I need Botox.” Botulinum toxin is a neurotoxin that for all of my life lived in poorly canned meats and killed people. You didn’t need it, you feared it. The idea that some people cheerfully inject it into their faces is still a bit jarring.

3. “What day is it?” The first time I walked into a rest home and saw the day and date on the bulletin board, I was horrified. People didn’t know? But when you are teaching grammar on Monday and editing on Tuesday and persuasive writing on Wednesday, and copywriting on Thursday, and you always wear black dress pants when you teach, it’s easy to get up in the morning, shower, put on those black dress pants and then wonder, “What day is this and what am I teaching?” It’s a bit scarier if you are in a hotel room on a 12-consecutive-days teaching gig and the hotel room in Dallas looks like the one in Cincinnati and you aren’t entirely sure where you are, much less what you are teaching today.

4. “Please don’t lick my phone.” Said to a child on an airplane.

5. “Yes, I am the last drop off, but that doesn’t automatically mean that suitcase is mine.” Said to a shuttle driver in some city where I arrive in the middle of the night.

6. “It’s a fountain pen. You use it to write with. The tip is sharp, but not dangerous. No, it’s not a blow dart.” Said to a TSA inspector.

7. “No, I never told him not to steal the car.” Said to an angry Human Resource inquisitor when one of my direct reports stole the company car and went joyriding, then blamed me because I hadn’t expressly forbidden him not to steal the car.�� “And I didn’t tell him not to pee in a wastebasket, either, because some things seem pretty clear to me.” He stayed. I got fired.

8. “No, I don’t have a spare condom you can borrow.” Said to a young couple in an elevator. “If I had one, I’d give it to you, not lend it to you.” And then realized they didn’t understand why I added that. Because when you teach grammar, everything is a learning experience.

Are there phrases you never thought you’d say or would have to say? Leave them in the comments. It’s a good day for a laugh.

–Quinn McDonald lives to laugh at herself. Lucky for her, life gives her plenty of opportunities to do just that.

 

 

 

 

Filed under: In My Life, The Writing Life Tagged: road warrior, talking to people, travel for business

Drama: The Soul Eater

“But it was so wrong,” my client said angrily. And it had been. The next step was going to determine how much drama was going to enter her life and change it. There is a natural urge in some people to fix whatever they find in front of them. Not just lend a hand, but insert themselves into situations that are not their making and try to take them over. This is the flashpoint of drama.

Drama may seem like fun, a break in your routine, a chance to get involved in some juicy problems and watch other people struggle. A larger and larger number of women enjoy drama. If they don’t find it, they create it.�� That’s a dangerous game.

Drama is a time-waster and a soul-eater, often creating more trouble than the original problem. Drama requires three players:

The victim, who can focus only on what is missing in life, what she does not have, and what she does not want. She wants to remain the victim, so solving a problem may not be what she wants to achieve.

The Fixer is the person who is attracted to every victim like a magnet. The Fixer wants to rescue or save the victim, and the more effort it takes, the better the fixer feels about herself. She wants to appear selfless, strong, and a problem solver. Unfortunately, that means looking at life from a negative point of view, to show sympathy and alliance with the victim. Fixers are people-pleasers or martyrs, giving up a positive view to dwell in the negative. Of course, where you look is where you go, so the “solutions” the Fixer brings are often revenge- or fear-based. That never has long legs.

The Villain is far more like the Victim than we want to think. They have a huge need to be right, to gain control over every situation, and are particularly bad at seeing anyone else’s point of view. Villains were often victims who brought themselves out of victim-hood by controlling everything in sight.

What makes this situation dangerous is the similarity to every fairytale in our cultural span. The Villain must be defeated, the Victim saved, and the Fixer (or hero) admired. The flaw in the fairy tale is that life is not that simple. And worse, in most fairy tales the victim is thought of as helpless or weak until she is rescued by a man. Sleeping Beauty had to be kissed by a prince to be saved, Rapunzel had to have her prince climb up her hair to free her (although then they were both in the tower with all that hair). You get the point.

What makes drama a bad idea for relationships, work, and friendships? Drama is based on the idea that the victim is in crisis and helpless. Instead of stepping in as the Fixer and immediately looking for a Villain in every situation, allow the Victim to be resourceful, creative and whole. Many Victims use their Victimhood as a test to find people who will always prove themselves as friends. For a Victim, friends are always there to be manipulated.

Victims control their negative life by not letting go of their bad luck, hardships, or problems. Any Fixer in close proximity gets sucked in. Victims like being surrounded by Fixers. Fixers, on the other hand, do not like confrontation or other Fixers. Often Fixers will try to be the only person the Victim can trust. If you think that sounds controlling, it is. Remember, many Fixers started as Victims, progressed to being Villains and now want to be Fixers–controllers and the ones who hold the only solution. The price is a lot more than a kiss or climbing up a hair ladder.�� It’s a no-win situation, a traffic circle of grief.

Ways to break away from drama:

1. Don’t give advice unless you are specifically asked for it. Don’t fish around by saying, “do you want advice?” because a victim will always want you to supply an answer. That way, when it doesn’t work (and it never will), it will be your fault. You told her what to do, she did (in her own way) and now it’s your fault that her life, once more, is a mess.

2. Allow your friends, family and co-workers to be creative in choosing a solution that works for them. Creativity is the key. Creativity is the ability to see positive solutions and put together a plan to create them. This requires a lot of patience and some professional training.

3. Walk away from drama. It’s much easier to walk away before you get sucked into the traffic circle of escalating drama.

4. Suggest a coach or therapist. They are different answers, but coaches and therapists are trained to deal with drama without getting involved in the problem. Therapists look to the past to find old habits and solve them. Coaches look to the future and help clients build their own solutions while teaching them to use new tools.

-–Quinn McDonald is a coach who knows a lot about drama. Trapped in the Victim-Hero-Villain circle herself for years, she is now writing a book on freeing yourself from the trap.

 

Filed under: Coaching, Creativity, idea boosts, Inner Hero/Inner Critic Tagged: breaking drama, creativity coach, drama, refusing drama

Burning And Other Words

Pay attention to the words you read, and a whole new life starts up in front of you. There are tiny differences in words we use every day and hardly notice. Language and culture are interlaced, and meanings shift through time and through use. I teach writing and grammar and I’m often asked to explain subtle differences in word use to people whose native language is not English.

Last week, a participant in one of my classes asked, “which is right, ‘My house burned down,’ or ‘My house burned up”? As native English speakers, we don’t notice those small differences.

I explained that when something “burns up” it is exhausted, like fuel. So, it would be fine to say, “I burned up all the papers with private information in them.” And, yes, it would also be correct to leave out the “up” and say, “I burned all the papers with private information in them.” But adding “up” indicates the entire pile is now ashes.

When something “burns down” it means that nothing is left of a structure. The complete phrase originally came from “burned down to the ground.”

There are other burning words. Overwork makes people “burn out,” but not “burn down” or “burn up.”

If someone deceives us, we are “burned,” without any preposition at all following it.

The same preposition problem shows up in “tie up,” and “tie down.” The former indicates a rope being used to secure hands and feet, but not to another object. The latter is a rope being used to tie a person (or an object) to a stationary object. So “He used the rope to tie up his victim,” but “He used a rope to tie down his victim to the bed.”

That wasn’t the end of the conversation. Because “don’t tie me down” isn’t a plea from Fifty Shades of Grey, (or it may be, but I don’t care), it also means to limit someone’s freedom. And “don’t tie me up” can also mean to load someone with excessive amounts of work, or to make them late for an appointment.

Words concerning time have great importance in our business culture because we can’t manufacture time, and it’s something no one has enough of.

English isn’t easy to learn because there are many subtle differences, but it makes being a writer a lot of fun.

—Quinn McDonald is a writer who teaches writing.

Filed under: Creativity, The Writing Life Tagged: syntax, word meaning, word use, words

Saturday Creative Ramble Jan 31, 2015

Art doesn’t always have to hang on the wall or be a museum installation. There are a lot of practical artists who make art that you can use in everyday life. Swedish designer��Gabriel Sarkijarvi, created an Illusion Chair. The slats of the chair, from some angles, look like a chair back. From another angle, you can see the shape of a face.

He carves the chair by pixilating the image, transferring it to slats of wood, then translating the final image into birch chairs.

Here’s the chair from an angle–the image still shows because it is three dimensional.�� Imagine the heirloom value!

While thinking about chairs, you can change your room by customizing the wallpaper. This design, by ZNAK,�� (via Design Milk) consists of pieces you can remove–as many or as few as you want, creating constantly changing designs all over your house.

What would it look like in two patterns in a dining room? Like this:

Forget what you need to do as soon as you leave? These new post-it notes will help you. No, not by reminding you about the hole in your memory. . .

. . . but by helping you. Put these notes on your switchplate by the door and you’ll have a great memory boost whether you are coming or going.

You could get used to these clever inventions made by Switch Notes by suck uk stationary store.

The company also makes an incredible clever travel journal , skyline gift wrap (your wrapped gifts look like a city, no one would blame you for using it in collage) and an umbrella that changes color when it gets wet. You’ll be waiting for rain!

Want to see an island in the making? Here’s a clip of lava dripping into the ocean off the coast of Hawaii. Lava is molten rock. I wonder how much it heats up the ocean right around it.

Have a creative weekend!

Disclosure: I found these interesting items while doing important internet research avoiding doing my taxes. I am not paid by anyone or make any money from these items.

—Quinn McDonald loves the jump from creative idea to useful product.

 

Filed under: idea boosts, Links, resources, idea boosts, Nature, Nature, Inside and Out Tagged: bright design ideas, how nature makes an island

The Elusive Fresh Idea

Fog in the Grand Canyon.

Lately, I’ve been sitting down at 10 p.m to write the blog and a soft white fog drifts over my brain. The more I run through the fog to find a sturdy idea, the thicker the fog gets.�� The more elusive the good idea.

Maybe getting up early to take care of the cats has shifted my creative time to a different time slot.

And like all changes, it took me a while to figure it out. I would often sit, as most writers will, staring at the screen trying to generate ideas that become suddenly slippery and elusive. Like a fish you can’t quite land in the boat.

Of course, when I am writing other things, the ideas leap out of the water and grin at me. When I am pinning down one idea, a hundred others flash across my peripheral vision and slide back into the dark.

This morning I tried something new. Writing a workbook for a client, I had an idea for the blog. Normally, I will think, “that’s a great idea, I’ll use it later.” But when I rummage around my short-term memory for the exact idea, it’s not there. There are scattered prayer cores and rinds of old, used-up ideas. There are a few bones of earlier ideas, some with meat still on them. But not blog-meat. Workbook meat. Slim pickings for the blog.

I turned back to the workbook. Then had a new idea. I opened the blog to “new

From astologynow.com

post” and then turned back to the workbook. The next idea spark that flashed across the dark sky of my imagination, I clicked over to the blog and jotted down the idea, gave it a title that would remind me what the idea was, saved it as a draft and went back to the workbook. Idea saved.

When the blog needs writing, I can pick from an idea I like and write it up. Of course I could use the idea recorder on my phone, or use the to-do list that’s next to the computer, but clicking over to another screen and capturing an idea is both fast and there when I need it.

It also works for�� saving other ideas, too.�� Instead of a blog, you can have a notepage open. Then when the title for your next book streaks across your mind, or that great reply you should have said to that remark at lunch, write them down.

What? A clever reply to a reply from hours ago? Sure. It makes great dialogue in your next story.

-–Quinn McDonald writes what she thinks.

Filed under: Creativity, idea boosts, In My Life Tagged: ideas to go, saving ideas, trapping ideas, writing tips

Facing Down Fear

About the time I left the corporate world, I had to make some big decisions on how to run my business. What my core principles would be. I decided to use the same principles I use for my personal life. When you own the business, it looks a lot like you anyway.

Some of the values were easy to choose: Be fair. Don’t jump to conclusions. Don’t make up what you think something means, ask. Listen.

“Her wings were only falling leaves, yet she could fly.” �� Quinn McDonald 2005

Then came the giant one: No fear. Do not make business decisions out of fear. Don’t make any decision out of fear.

It’s hard to keep that one. I had made business decisions based in fear for a long time–fear of my boss, fear of not meeting the team goals, fear of the competition, fear of getting fired.

A decision based on fear is frequently loaded with other weak motives. Revenge, neediness, lack of control. If you take fear off the table as a motive, your life looks different.

So this week, I made two huge choices that would normally strike fear into me. First, I hired a consultative comptroller–someone who can tell me which line of business is most profitable, and how I’m progressing month to month and year to year. I’m bad about keeping track of expenses, and this business consultant already pointed out two big truths that I have not wanted to consider.

The second decision was to hire a real ad agency to build a website that makes sense for my business. Right now I have a placeholder website and that’s not enough.

In other words, I have decided that growth is something I want to choose. I want to expand the business training I do. I want to do coaching programs. I am amazed that after all the talking I do about the Inner Critic, I have not only been listening to mine, but backing away from playing big. Yep, I have been deliberately playing small because it became my comfort zone.

I was doing too many things to pay attention to any one of them. So I cut back to what I do best: helping people get better at what they like to do. For me that means writing, teaching writing, and coaching people who want to have the life they wish they could deserve.

The whole plan is big and bold and oddly, scary. That means I have to trust that I can do this, write the check to get the process started and leap. It’s what I talk about–being bold. I’m telling you, because you are coming along with me–I’m starting to walk this talk. Stay tuned for late-breaking developments.

—Quinn McDonald is a writer and creativity coach. She teaches what she does.

Filed under: Art/Freelance Biz, Coaching, Creativity, Inner Critic Tagged: living the life you choose, playing big, tall poppy