Erin Jamison's Blog, page 5

Is It Considered Cheating…

I like social experiments. Try this one on for size. I'm going to list of number of scenarios here. Is it cheating or not? Tell me why or why not.

Scenario 1:

Jennifer and Adam used to be an item, back in the day. Today, Jennifer is single and Adam is married but they're still friends. Adam calls two or three times a month. Whenever he calls, he reflects about days gone by and how good the sex was. Technically, is he cheating?

Scenario 2:

Monica is involved in a relationship but she has been friends with Sam for years. Her significant other is suspicious of Sam. Although Sam does consider Monica his friend, he would love to be more than friends. Sam often makes sexual comments about what he would do to her if she gave him the chance. She tells Sam to stop but never takes a firm stance on it. Is she cheating?

Scenario 3

Stephanie and Michael enjoy a roll in the hay whenever she's in town. She lives two states over. They've talked about her moving back or him moving there but it hasn't happened yet. They make plans eventually for him to move to be with her in a year. If she meets someone in the meantime, is she cheating?

So What If You're Just Not Attracted To Him?

Nice guys finish last…at least that's the old addage. You hear that complaint from men all the time. Women never give the nice guy a chance. You know ladies….their right.

Nice guy stats:

Attractive (we might say he's ok)
Good job
Respectful
Ambition
Has like minded goals

So what's wrong with him? Why can't we get past the, "He's just a good friend part?" Guys, women look at this differently than men. First things first:

You like who you like
In addition to the wonderful attributes listed above, you need a little chemistry
If it ain't there, why fake it?
Why can't men and women just be friends? What's wrong with that?

What are your thoughts on the issue?

So How Do You Come Up With The Names?

You know…what works for some doesn't work for another and vice versa. I have read many a book and thought, wow, that is a fantastic name. Its so different. I wonder is there any meaning behind the name. Seriously, I read books dude. I'm a nerd!

I'm that person that looks at a movie and I want to watch the behind the scenes interview. What did they think of the script? Did the actor do their own stunts? Did they want to do it? What did the director say to the composer for them to come up with music that was emotionally evocative? I'm telling you… I'm a nerd. I know.

Well the same thing happens for me when I read a story and the author has come up with a common name or uncommon spelling. The names become part of the character too such as in J.R. Ward's Black Dagger Brotherhood series. I love the way she takes common names like Revenge and changes it to Rehvenge. So simple but so different. That one thing, in addition to a great emotionally evisceral story help to keep these characters alive and kicking in my head.

Case in point, in my story, Better Than 8: Fantasy, the main character is Amara Simmons. Amara is not a name that is very commonplace these days. When I was looking for a name for the character, I searched baby names, I searched for names of goddesses, and ethereal creatures. I just wanted a name that spoke to me. Amara means Eternally Beautiful. I chose the name of my characters before I started the story and the meaning of her name was one I kept in mind while writing the story. It colored how I wanted her to be perceived and added another layer to my character.

Other character names have been past family members, friends, villains are portrayed with the name of people that I consider not so nice. You get the idea. Do you have a creative way of naming your characters?

It's More Than $0.02, Less Than $0.20 (#1)

Am I late to this party or just in time? This is where I say, "Well here's my two cents on the subject." Well its more than two. Last night, while attempting to ignore my son while he chewed on his thumb and made annoying noises, and that man of mine that sticks to me like white on rice, I tried unsuccessfully to ignore a documentary/movie called, "Diary of a Tired Black Man."

There were valid points such as:

Women make bad decisions when it comes to dating
They stay in non productive/abusive relationships too long
90% of black women are raised by single women
Fathers are not in the home to represent what a good man is supposed to be like
Women pass up "the nice guy" for the thug
Women emulate what they see (mothers who are angry black women – ABS)
Single girlfriends who are bitter do not make good counselors to those in relationships

Okay. Now the female side of the argument is this:

The burden of parenting/discipline falls on their shoulders
You like who you like. If its only brotherly love that you feel, so be it.
Men emulate what they see (the player, pimp, or lazy guy)
ABS started when men stopped being productive members of the household
"Brothers" have no ambition and are too content to coast
When men don't have a valid counterpoint, they often escalate to violence
Other than those women who wanted a child regardless, most women black or otherwise don't choose to become single mothers

The points are valid on either side. In some aspects, regardless of color, the arguments apply to all ethinicitys. No one group is excluded although statistics may be higher in one race group. At multiple points during the movie I wanted to make counter points and open the dialogue. Lets see if we can do that here. What are your thoughts?

Check me out at http://www.erinjamison.com

Remember When…

Do you remember when the term "online dating" was a precursor to a joke?

Twenty-plus years after the Internet revolution, the term "online dating" has become common place. Your average single woman or man has at least 3 or more active profiles on dating sites or Internet communities. To tell you the truth, and I'm sure I'm not in this boat by my lonesome, I can't remember all the dating profile sites I'm registered to, much less the passwords.

Who has the time or patience to keep all that stuff straight?

Remember when there was such a thing as a blind date? Or how about when you dated online meant you had to be hard up? Times have definitely changed.

I have actually been appalled, flabbergasted, and down right offended I tell you at some of the questions you get asked online. I have gotten the following questions:

Can you take a picture of your feet and send it to me?
How are you going to prove that you're a woman?
Is that you're real hair or a horses mane you bought?
Do you kiss on the first date? If you don't, there ain't no need in us going out.
A movie ain't a cheap date no more. So we're going Dutch right?

Has it been hard for you too? Share some of your own online dating experiences. Sign up for my newsletter or check me out on the following sites:

http://www.facebook.com/pages/erin-jamison-author

http://www.twitter.com/erinjamison_

http://www.goodreads.com/erinjamison

Moderation Is Key!

The internet is a curse of knowledge as well as a well that runs deep. It's like this…everybody has an opinion. Some of what you read is based on experience, professional or personal. I have always valued experience over theory, personally speaking.

Most of what you read, what you're told, what you may be coached to do, is to partake in social media. "Social media" is a wide, varied, and vast pool of sites whether they be Twitter, FaceBook, or Linkedin. Did you know that there is more to social media than just the most popular right now. Just like any material product you could go to the store and pick up today, it started somewhere. It was once a person's brain child. Just an idea. That person may or may not have had a clue about brand, marketing, message, quality, etc. Most people however know just from a consumer standpoint, that they want to produce quality because that is what they would expect to buy.

Do you read? Not the occasional blog but a book with a beginning, middle and end. Time and time again, it has been proven, readers make the best writers. OK…. so hopefully you do. Wasn't it G.I. Joe that said, "Knowledge is half the battle…?" (Yes, I still watch cartoons and yes I know… I just dated myself.)

Anyway, so you're writing the story. Yeah, I mean that you take your writers hat and you flip it around so you're wearing it backwards with the bill to the back and you put on your marketing hat, while you're still writing. And you know what you do? You do the same thing that you were doing online before you chose to take on writing a book. Put simply, that's it.

Now you're going to do things like blog. How to and what to say… we'll save that for later. Believe me, I'm still figuring this out as I go along too. I'm no expert. Then you do things like establish accounts on Twitter and Facebook, and Linkedin; all under your author name. Oh and then you friend other authors, agents, and publishers. I have to say, its been a long time, since I was a kid, that I felt a sense of community about anything. My fellow writers whether they be aspiring or major welcomed me and made me feel right at home.

Then you make a schedule. Schedule yourself to have a social media day two times out of the week. On those days, maybe you schedule yourself to dedicate half an hour to Facebook, and then to Twitter, and so on. Maybe on a typical night or day, whatever your availability, you set aside four hours to work online… which includes your blog. Now you have a regular presence online. If you can set it up… do that. Schedule in time to work on the product (the story), time to socialize online (build your fan base), then schedule in time to eat, sleep, shower, and brush your teeth. See…you're all good!

What have your experiences been like?