Bridget Allison's Blog - Posts Tagged "faith"
Letter to a young lady on her confirmation
(My friend called me tonight to talk about this letter and she said she wished it could be published. I thought I would include it here because it is my perspective on my friend's faith and how much I admire her. She is a sister to me in the way women bestow kinship on other women by the simple virtue of the fact that they are the ones you want to call when something is beautiful and when something is terrible.)
Dear Maddie,
Your mother and I have been close friends for over twenty years. We have carried each other’s pain; we have been the vessels into which we have poured our joy, sadness, loss, memories and pride. But without question the most significant journey I will ever take with your parents was their quest to find you. And because I know your mother best I will tell you your story through the lens of my friendship with her.
Your mother and I were young women when we met as we waited for our first born children to emerge from school to tell us how we were doing. That is what your first child becomes, a gauge by which you judge your fitness as a parent. We stood outside the school anxiously hoping that Brook and Chelsea would come out with broad smiles and without yellow cards. We chatted and compared notes those first few months through every twist and turn on that exhilarating ride that is parenting. And it is quite a ride my love, filled with highs and lows you can never dream of until you have a child of your own one day.
We were much more relaxed with our second children and our conversations broadened. One day as we stood outside the school waiting for my children and your brothers I looked at your mother and asked “Do you ever wonder if God exists?” It didn’t take her a moment to respond; “No, I actually haven’t ever questioned it.” I knew the truth of that as soon as the words were out of her mouth. Your mother’s delicate frame houses a faith that is unwavering and pure and genuine and it humbles me.
I still think of that day so often because I felt a wash of envy come over me.
I looked away and then back at her and shielded my eyes from the sun and said. “I am always questioning.”
There was a brief silence before your mother replied. “It’s never occurred to me to question it. Should I?”
“No,” I said. “No.”
It is not in your mother to question God. While I search and pray and ask for God your mother is listening to Him. And because she did not question or doubt Him you were born. I was an observer to that journey for you and sometimes a companion and I can tell you that it would have been much more of a struggle for anyone else. While most of us would have finally doubted that quest or reminded ourselves of the good and healthy children we were already blessed with, your mother persevered.
Maddie, your mother was not looking for a daughter because mothers are supposed to want one. She was not trying for a third child to cement her role as a mother or because she could afford to, or because she didn’t know what else to do with her life as Brook and Ethan grew older. She felt God’s call and she knew you were out there and it was her mission to press on past impatience and frustration. Sometimes she may have wondered why it took so long and sometimes she may have been disappointed as months rolled into years without you, but Maddie, I never saw her stumble.
Almost anyone else would have given up and said “It isn’t God’s plan for me to have this child.” But there is no one else like your mother. Though years of friendship and child rearing I have seen your mother grieve, I have seen her in anger and confusion and self doubt but Maddie, when it came to having you, it was faith that brought you here.
I am writing to you today because I have loved you when the only evidence of you was God’s voice in your mother’s heart. You have been a blessing not only to your mom but to your brothers as you taught them from your bassinet what it is to nurture. I’ve seen from your infancy new dimensions in your father of an astonishing tenderness when he looks at you.
You have and will touch many lives as you continue your own journey in the Catholic faith and that faith may be tested. And so, of all the things I could wish for you; a life filled with joy and laughter and dreams that always come true, I do not wish for those impossibilities. My hope is that you have your mother’s faith in God. A life well lived is filled with both darkness and light. But it is faith that will illuminate your way.
Love,
Bridget
Dear Maddie,
Your mother and I have been close friends for over twenty years. We have carried each other’s pain; we have been the vessels into which we have poured our joy, sadness, loss, memories and pride. But without question the most significant journey I will ever take with your parents was their quest to find you. And because I know your mother best I will tell you your story through the lens of my friendship with her.
Your mother and I were young women when we met as we waited for our first born children to emerge from school to tell us how we were doing. That is what your first child becomes, a gauge by which you judge your fitness as a parent. We stood outside the school anxiously hoping that Brook and Chelsea would come out with broad smiles and without yellow cards. We chatted and compared notes those first few months through every twist and turn on that exhilarating ride that is parenting. And it is quite a ride my love, filled with highs and lows you can never dream of until you have a child of your own one day.
We were much more relaxed with our second children and our conversations broadened. One day as we stood outside the school waiting for my children and your brothers I looked at your mother and asked “Do you ever wonder if God exists?” It didn’t take her a moment to respond; “No, I actually haven’t ever questioned it.” I knew the truth of that as soon as the words were out of her mouth. Your mother’s delicate frame houses a faith that is unwavering and pure and genuine and it humbles me.
I still think of that day so often because I felt a wash of envy come over me.
I looked away and then back at her and shielded my eyes from the sun and said. “I am always questioning.”
There was a brief silence before your mother replied. “It’s never occurred to me to question it. Should I?”
“No,” I said. “No.”
It is not in your mother to question God. While I search and pray and ask for God your mother is listening to Him. And because she did not question or doubt Him you were born. I was an observer to that journey for you and sometimes a companion and I can tell you that it would have been much more of a struggle for anyone else. While most of us would have finally doubted that quest or reminded ourselves of the good and healthy children we were already blessed with, your mother persevered.
Maddie, your mother was not looking for a daughter because mothers are supposed to want one. She was not trying for a third child to cement her role as a mother or because she could afford to, or because she didn’t know what else to do with her life as Brook and Ethan grew older. She felt God’s call and she knew you were out there and it was her mission to press on past impatience and frustration. Sometimes she may have wondered why it took so long and sometimes she may have been disappointed as months rolled into years without you, but Maddie, I never saw her stumble.
Almost anyone else would have given up and said “It isn’t God’s plan for me to have this child.” But there is no one else like your mother. Though years of friendship and child rearing I have seen your mother grieve, I have seen her in anger and confusion and self doubt but Maddie, when it came to having you, it was faith that brought you here.
I am writing to you today because I have loved you when the only evidence of you was God’s voice in your mother’s heart. You have been a blessing not only to your mom but to your brothers as you taught them from your bassinet what it is to nurture. I’ve seen from your infancy new dimensions in your father of an astonishing tenderness when he looks at you.
You have and will touch many lives as you continue your own journey in the Catholic faith and that faith may be tested. And so, of all the things I could wish for you; a life filled with joy and laughter and dreams that always come true, I do not wish for those impossibilities. My hope is that you have your mother’s faith in God. A life well lived is filled with both darkness and light. But it is faith that will illuminate your way.
Love,
Bridget
