Donald Miller's Blog, page 80

Are You Living in Fake Freedom?

During our recent family trip to the zoo, it wasn’t the Galapagos turtles that captured my attention. It was the multi-million dollar cage the zoo was building for them.

A sleek sign highlighted features of the coming tortoise exhibit: a state-of-the-art barn with heated floors, specially selected cactus and an interactive area for visitors. The project would take months to complete at a price tag of $1.2 million. This upgraded, fancy exhibit was quite an impressive project to say the least.

*Photo by Az Jade, creative commons

Yet, one thing struck me. This one glaring truth:

No matter how nice this exhibit was going to be for the turtles… it was still a cage.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s going to be a nice exhibit. Guests will probably love it. The turtles may feel like they’ve scored a penthouse suite. But the fact remains, even if the tortoises trek through enough exotic plants, they will eventually run into both a wall and a reality check. Despite appearances, they haven’t been freed. They’re just being confined behind fancier bars.

The turtles’ scenario prompted me to reflect on my own life.

I too have sunk energy and resources into upgrading my cage. I’ve slightly improved my social or financial condition. I’ve worked to ensure things that represent me—my appearance, job title, the way I carried myself —pleased others, outdid those around me, or at least kept me even with the next guy.

Along the way, I imagined I was moving closer to contentment. But a few steps in, I’d slam into reality: I hadn’t found freedom at all. I’d just increased the personal pressure to perform, to achieve, and to be accepted. I’d dressed up my insecurities and imprisoned myself behind fancier bars. I resigned myself to fake freedom.

This might be happening in your life too.

The appearance of freedom is often dressed up as an upgraded version of captivity.

We make improvements, but we’re still trapped. If anything, our “improvements” often make our journey harder. We end up with more to prove and more image to manage. We probably also find ourselves less willing to ask for help.

In some ways, the turtles actually one-up me. After all, tortoises are captured and forced into confinement.

Humans, on the other hand, tend to voluntarily imprison ourselves. From pills, clothes, cars, and income brackets to egos, offices, and abusive relationships, we manipulate things to gratify ourselves. We chase the new to numb the pain of repeatedly slamming into cage walls. We fill our life with distractions, both positive and negative, to avoid dealing with how trapped we really are.

But here is the good news. You don’t have to upgrade your cage anymore. You don’t have to pretend that you’re free when you’re really not. You and I can take personal responsibility to stop having the “appearance” of freedom and pursue reckless, dangerous and life-giving liberation if we want to. When Larry King asked Jerry Seinfeld about his life he responded, “I am in no place that I don’t want to be.” And that’s true of us too.

Today we can finally plot our escape route to freedom. Those turtles can have their upgrades; you don’t have to any longer.

Are You Living in Fake Freedom? is a post from: Storyline Blog

2 Solutions I’ve Found for Productivity

I meet writers all the time who have talent. They can turn a phrase and reel the reader in. Their use of words is almost magical.

And yet, as the years go by, they fail to produce.

What’s the problem?

I know it well, because I deal with it myself. You can think of it as a two-fold nemesis.

*Photo by Artotem, creative commons

The challenge to every skilled professional is two-fold:

1. Focus: I always have three or four books going, plus speaking projects and a few online ideas. I am wired as a starter and though I’ve finished many projects, hundreds lay half complete in my graveyard of ideas. What’s the solution? Focus. Ideas are great, and we can fill a small journal with them. But lets just keep those little babies in the journal and not take a step until our current project is done. If you want to produce, we will need to focus.

2. Finish: A good writer finishes something. Good writers know projects are never really complete, but when they get good enough, they must be abandoned. And by abandoned, I mean hit print, ship it to the publisher and start the release process. How many books have not been finished because another idea came up? And why? Because writing books gets boring. Sorry, welcome to the real world. Work isn’t always fun. But noting great comes into the world without hard work, patience and endurance.

So, the two words for me over the next season are Focus and Finish.

How about you? Do you have trouble focussing on one project or seeing something through to completion? What tips would you give those of us who want to be more productive?

a repost from the archives

2 Solutions I’ve Found for Productivity is a post from: Storyline Blog

Why Your Anxiety is Probably Unwarranted

I used to have a phobia. Any time a warning light began to blink on the dashboard of my car, a low black cloud descended upon me and I began to sink into anxiety and depression. My mind filled with worst-case scenarios, emptying my bank account.

There was a time in my life (let’s just call it my Denial Decade) when I would put a piece of black tape over the blinking light so I wouldn’t have to deal with it.

The reason for all this anxiety was this:

I knew absolutely nothing about anything that resides under the hood of a car. (For years I thought a McPherson Strut was some kind of Irish dance.) Thus, whenever I took my car in for repairs, I had this look on my face that says to the mechanic, “Take my money. Take all of my money. I’m stupid about cars and if you tell me my deliberator needs to be replaced, I’ll say, ‘OK.’”

Over the years, my problem with warning lights grew worse and worse. It didn’t help when I went to a dealership last year and they told me it would cost about $1200 to get the blinking light to turn off. That was the day I decided to get a second opinion.

At a friend’s recommendation, I went to Mickey at Bob’s Automotive. It’s a little garage with two stalls a few miles from my house. It’s the kind of place that has out of date calendars on the wall, some car magazines on the counter, and a few old chairs in the waiting area. A person could die of second hand smoke in a few minutes.

*Photo by Seattle Municipal Archives, Creative Commons

Sheepishly, I walked in and told Mickey that not one but TWO lights were on and it looked really bad. Then, out of habit, I gave him my wallet and my really nice watch. He gave them back, looked at me with kind eyes and said, “I’ll take a look and call you in a little while.” My blood pressure shot up.

An hour later Mickey called my office. “Mr. Andrews, your car is fixed. A plastic trash bag blew up under your car and melted on a sensor causing it to go a little crazy. I scraped it off and everything’s fine.”

“How much?” I asked as I sat down to prepare myself for the bad news. “Oh, there’s no charge for that. Come on over and get it when you’re ready.”

I’ve taken my car to Mickey ever since. My anxiety about blinking lights has ceased. The other day, a light went off. It was the engine light. I calmly drove to Bob’s and left them the car. “No need to call me with an estimate. Just do the work and I’ll pick it up this afternoon.”

As soon as I said it, I realized something had changed.

I wasn’t worried about money. I wasn’t worried about being cheated. I knew my car and I both were in good hands. I wonder if that’s what happens when people treat us with integrity. Something in us rests and breathes deeply, welcoming the kindness like the parched ground welcomes a summer rain.

• • •

We’re all braced to be ripped off, to be treated poorly, to be used, trampled on, and judged. That’s the way it often goes in this world. But sometimes my cynicism needs a good slap in the face in order to wake me up to what is good and right and true.

Now and then a light shines brightly. In my case, that light showed up in a smoky old garage and a kind mechanic with dirt and oil under his fingernails.

Why Your Anxiety is Probably Unwarranted is a post from: Storyline Blog

Why God Told Me to Ruin My Life

For much of my life, when it came time to make a decision about anything, I felt virtually paralyzed by fear of making the “wrong” choice. When I had to choose a college, or a job to take or not take, a city to live in, or even a car to drive, I always wanted to do all the research, talk to everyone I knew and discover all the possible pitfalls before I chose.

I have to admit, I hesitated to make a choice at all if I didn’t feel absolutely certain I knew it was the “right” choice.

Then, a few years ago, all of that changed.

I was working part time as a barista, writing a little bit on the side and working on a book idea about a trip I had taken to all 50 states. I had quit my full-time job with the intention of writing this book, but since supporting myself as an author proved to be more difficult than I expected, I picked up a part-time job to supplement my income.

And while I expected to hate serving coffee, I became surprisingly attached to my friends and my time there. It wasn’t perfect, obviously, but I enjoyed it and began to settle into a rhythm.

Then, when I least expected it, I felt God urging me to quit.

It didn’t make any practical sense to me. I hadn’t suddenly come into a bunch of money, or stumbled across any big projects that promised to sustain me as a writer. There wasn’t any fanfare or drama, or anything forcing me to pull the trigger. There was just a quiet assurance, a pit-in-my gut feeling that it was time.

This is the time? I wanted to ask God. Why now?

*Photo by Andy Borrow, creative commons

I wanted to quit, kind of. I wanted to take the step, if this was the “right” step to take, if this was going to move me forward in my career as a writer. But what guarantee did I have that this was the case? What if this wasn’t the right choice at all? In fact, what if I was hearing things all wrong?

Just as I was starting to get roped into my usual process of obsessing, I felt this tiny, silent voice deep inside of me say:

“Go ahead, ruin your life. I dare you.”

I’m not sure if it was God, but it certainly seemed like it was. It seemed like it had to be someone who knew me well enough to know what was happening inside of me; someone who knew I was obsessing over “right” decisions and “wrong” ones, and that it wasn’t doing me any good.

I’ve made some bad decisions in my life, and I’ve lived the consequences for them. I drank too much in college, and have the scars to prove it. I made tons of unhealthy sexual choices (which was, by the way, not unrelated to the drinking too much) and surprise, surprise, those bad patterns have impacted my marriage. And there was this one haircut in my early twenties that tops the charts for poor life choices.

But so far, I haven’t ruined my life.

In fact, God has taken even my worst decisions and used them for his good.

So when it came to quitting my job as a barista, I decided I was tired of living my life dictated by a fear of doing the wrong thing. I was tired of stalling, tired of waiting, tired of obsessing and staying stuck. I wasn’t going to do it anymore. So I quit. And less than one year after I quit, I published my first book.

• • •I’m not saying that there’s no such thing as a wrong decision, or that my decision to quit my job was even “right.” I’m saying it’s often hard to measure “right” decisions and “wrong” ones, because I can’t see the whole story from where I’m standing right now, and because I can’t even begin to fathom the depth and breadth and richness of God’s grace.

So I’m not going to live trapped by fear of the “wrong” decision anymore. I’m not going to worry about ruining my life. My eyes, my ears, and my discernment may fail me at times, but if I’m living in honest pursuit of Truth, I believe I’ll find it.

Why God Told Me to Ruin My Life is a post from: Storyline Blog

Why “Taking a Loss” is Often a Great Career and Life Move

Not long ago Betsy and I were watching an NFL game and cringed as a rookie quarterback made one mistake after another. We really liked the guy and hoped beyond hope he’d have a great outing. To be fair, he had a terrible offensive line that couldn’t protect him and he was constantly being roughed up or sacked. After two and a half quarters of not being able to get anything done, he began to do what a lot of us do in those situations, he began to try to make too much happen. And as such, he threw the ball into traffic or attempted to save a few yards by acting like a running back. The result, an interception and a fumble.

One of the marks of a really great quarterback is they know when to lose the battle in order to win the war. In other words, they know how to take a sack. And even if it might cost them the game, taking a sack doesn’t make them look bad and likely won’t cost them their job, while fumbling or throwing an interception might.

Okay, sports analogy over. I only bring this up because just the other night I realized how amazing my sweetheart was at taking a sack. I realized it because we were dealing with a tough situation in which both of us were convinced somebody had been dishonest with us and might even be ripping us off. The damage would have been minimal, but we approached the situation differently. And I hate to admit it, but she approached the situation like a pro, seasoned quarterback and I approached it like a rookie.

When we realized what was happening, I picked up my phone to call the guy. I was going to confront him and get to the bottom of it. Betsy, however, calmly explained she’d like to wait. She said in 24 hours we’d be able to think more clearly and not only that but in the morning we could make a couple calls and verify whether or not we had indeed been ripped off. I knew immediately she was right. There was no reason for us to try to “make something happen” right away. Betsy decided to take the sack, as it were. The next play would bring more clarity and afford us some time.

In the morning, we made a couple calls and quickly realized we’d not been ripped off at all. The guy was completely innocent.

Can you imagine how bad it would have been if I’d called and bullied an answer out of the guy in question? He would have felt accused. He would have been deeply offended. And my reputation, at least with him, would have been mud when he was finally proven innocent.

My heavens I’m thankful for Betsy.

The good thing that came out of that whole exchange was Betsy and I were able to have a great talk and together decided we wanted to be a couple that takes the occasional sack. That will be much easier for her than for me, as I’m wired to “make something happen” fast. But I’m learning. I want to go pro on this one.

For me, taking the sack means:

• Waiting until I’m clear headed before making a decision. Even if it might cost me something, I don’t want to overreact to the drama of the moment.

• Living by a set of core convictions. This means regardless of the emotional context, there are things I won’t do. I won’t tell lies, I won’t exaggerate, I won’t speak from intense emotion, I will listen before I talk. Easier said than done, for sure. But I want to have these convictions written down and I want to abide by them.

• I want to enjoy taking the sack. I used to hate taking a loss, even if it were just a few yards. But these days I’m realizing there is wisdom to tucking the ball into my chest and hitting the ground. Sure I may lose an argument or a few dollars of maybe be a little embarrassed, but none of that is as bad as fumbling the ball and sitting the bench.

Hope this helps. This paradigm shift has certainly helped me and it feels like wisdom. No more rookie mistakes.

Why “Taking a Loss” is Often a Great Career and Life Move is a post from: Storyline Blog

Sunday Morning Sermon — Pope Francis Deals with a “Distraction”

This weeks Sunday Morning Sermon comes from Pope Francis, but it’s not so much what he says in this video as what he does. When a child climbs up onto the stage to be near him, Pope Francis does little to shoo him away. In fact, as staff try to get the kid to come down, Francis pats his head and goes on with his sermon. It’s really a beautiful picture of Christ’s willingness to put off His “agenda” to interact with us. But of course that’s not how it should be said, as we are His agenda.

Recently I’ve been spending a lot of time with dear friends who’ve adopted a 15-month old child. She’s beautiful and fun and full of life. And she loves attention. She is constantly asking the world if they notice her, if they want to play with her and whether she’s worth it. And of course she is. And she’s told that both in word and action all day. Her parents are setting a foundation for her and she’ll be blessed with that affirmation well into adulthood. It won’t be long till she turns and gives that love and affirmation back to the world.

Occasionally I meet an adult who may not have learned the important truth that they matter when they were children. And to some degree, they are still interacting with the world as though to say “look at me, do you notice me, and I worth your sacrifice?”

This used to be annoying to me, but lately I’ve begun to see it for what it is, it’s just the inner pain and need within all of us, a separation from the knowledge we are indeed worth it, we are worth somebody’s time, somebody’s love and somebody’s sacrifice. Christ proved it.

I don’t think there’s much of a difference between this kid and me. I’m still the one who just wants to distract everything, standing next to Jesus feeling safe, wanting him to notice me. I like that He never shoos me away.

Thanks, Francis. Great job showing us Christ. Quite a good sermon you’re preaching there.

Sunday Morning Sermon — Pope Francis Deals with a “Distraction” is a post from: Storyline Blog

The Best Viral Videos We Found This Week

The homeless veteran transformation video won your vote last week. What about this week? Vote for your favorite below in the comments. Have a great Saturday!

The Best Viral Videos We Found This Week is a post from: Storyline Blog

Why I Would Rather Be Crazy Than Boring

Recently I was on a plane, reading a book, and I started crying.

I’m not much of a crier most of the time. I have my moments, of course, like anyone; usually in private. But I’m typically not the girl who cries in movie theaters or over hallmark commercials or even (in public) over well-written books. So of course it came as a huge surprise on the plane when the tears began to come and I realized, no matter how hard I tried, I wasn’t going to be able to will them away.

Oh no, not this now, I thought to myself.

But even as the thought entered my brain, I felt the first hot drop of salty water make a break for it and come streaming down my face. I put my head down, blinked a few times, hoping that would be it and I could move on — but no such luck.

In fact, the harder I tried to blink them back, the more persistently they pushed their way out of my eyelids and spilled down my cheeks.

You can imagine the awkward throat-clearing that followed from the man to my right, in 38C.

I hung my head in shame. He must think I’m crazy, I thought to myself. I pictured myself turning toward him, holding up the cover of the book and saying, between stilted breaths, and with my squeaky, crying voice:

“I’m sorry sir, it’s just a really good book!”

But I didn’t say anything. Instead, I just leaned my head back against the seat and let the tears flow. And you know what I decided while I was crying? I decided it’s okay. It’s okay if he thinks I’m crazy; and it’s okay if you think I’m crazy.

I’d rather be crazy.

*Photo by Joe St. Pierre, creative commons

I’d rather be crazy and vulnerable than to be the kind of person who can’t cry when the situation calls for it, or who won’t let herself feel anything at all.

I’ve been that girl. And I don’t miss her.

I’d rather be crazy enough to quit my job and go on a 50 state road trip than to spend years of my life doing work that is less than satisfying, than to grow up wondering “what if” I would have taken the leap. I was that girl for many years. The obedient girl. The rebellious girl. The angry girl.

They were all the same girl in different ways.

And to that girl I say: Good riddance.

• • •

I’d rather be crazy enough to move twice in one year — first from Florida to Minneapolis; then from Minneapolis to Nashville — when the pull is so strong in a certain direction, and when I’m sure it’s right, than to be the girl who sits on her hands, waiting for “perfect timing” that never seems to come.

I’ve spent so much time waiting, wasted so many years wishing for life to happen to me, instead of taking responsibility to make it happen myself.

I don’t want to be that girl anymore — that bored girl, that sad girl.

I’d rather be this girl, the girl who is committed to forgive, and love, and move, and act, and let go, push forward and believe even when it doesn’t make sense to believe; even if it means being disappointed, even if it means being hurt, again and again.

I’d rather set audacious goals, than to set mediocre ones I know I can meet, or not set goals at all, to maintain my fragile ego. I know that girl too well, and I don’t want to be her anymore.

I’d rather swing for the fences.

I’d rather be crazy.

I’d rather risk my whole life for something that matters than to get to the end and realized I played it safe so I could drive a nice car and own a leather couch. I’d rather hold to things loosely, feeling grateful for gifts as they come, and giving them away as they are needed by others.

I’d rather give to much than too little —

Too much love, too much money, too much of my time.

I’d rather be crazy.

I’ve spent most of my life trying to make sure people didn’t think I was crazy. But recently everything is changing. Recently I think to myself, while crying over a book on an airplane, who cares what the guy in 38C thinks anyway?

After all, crazy might not be so bad after all.

Why I Would Rather Be Crazy Than Boring is a post from: Storyline Blog

How To Change Your Life in 20 Seconds

I love movies, but I generally only love movies that are “feel good.” My life is stressful enough that when I get a chance to watch a movie I really don’t want to think…or be scared…or tense. I just want to walk away with a big smile on my face.

With that in mind, one of my favorite movies is We Bought a Zoo. In the movie widowed dad, Benjamin Mee (played by Matt Damon), is working to instill a sense of courage and adventure in his children. They are dealing with a great loss and a big transition in their lives, so Benjamin feels the responsibility of equipping his children to tackle life head on. He sums this philosophy in one of my favorite scenes (I’ve watched this scene a hundred times) by saying to his son:

“What you need is 20 seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it.”

• • •

One of the most common commands throughout Scripture is “Be courageous.” So I want to encourage you today to tap into a courage that only comes when we trust God to give us the power to do the right thing.

I’m talking about things like telling the truth… because that takes courage.

I’m talking about a single parent trying to raise a child… that takes courage.

I’m talking about a young lady who ends up with an unwanted pregnancy, who knows that abortion is the easier way, but instead gives birth to the child and puts them up for adoption… because that takes courage.

I’m talking about someone who finally has the guts to ask for help… because that takes courage.

I’m talking about loving someone that everyone else has characterized as unloving… because that takes courage.

I”m talking about a person whose never tithed before, never trusted God with their finances, finally trusting God in that area… because that takes courage.

Becoming the man or woman God has called us to be takes a tremendous amount of courage. I’m praying that today you’ll find 20 seconds of insane courage.

How To Change Your Life in 20 Seconds is a post from: Storyline Blog

Don’t Expand Your Influence, Deepen It

A long, long time ago I ran a very small publishing company in Oregon. Part of my job was to create a database and sales system to chart our orders. I noticed that, while we had about a thousand customers, only a hundred or so of them were supporting our business. Initially, I wanted to expand the business to grow our customer base even larger. We spent thousands of dollars in this attempt, visiting trade shows and printing expensive catalogs. But sooner or later I realized it wasn’t working. I mean we did see an increase in business, but it brought in about as much profit as our marketing efforts cost. So I changed our strategy.

We began to focus on the one-hundred customers who were already faithful and familiar with our products. I created a monthly newsletter that I printed right off my desktop and sent it to these hundred customers each month. I also made a call list and called as many as twenty or thirty, personally, every month. And I noticed our business increased, while our overhead stayed the same. These customers gave us more prominent positions in their catalogs and in their stores.

I’d say this general principal applies to much more than business. Perhaps those deep relationships you long for are all around you, they’ve just not been deepened yet. Perhaps the fulfilling, romantic amazement you’ve been reading romance novels to experience could actually come from that guy snoring in bed next to you each night.

For the rest of this year, try focussing on what is already around you, try cultivating the seeds that have been planted, or the plants that are just producing a little bit of fruit. My guess is this will be easier than going out into the rocks to chip away at a brand new garden.




A repost from the archives

Don’t Expand Your Influence, Deepen It is a post from: Storyline Blog