Kristopher McClanahan's Blog, page 6

Movie Review - Monster Brawl

 MONSTER BRAWLDirected by Jesse T. Hook
Starring Dave Foley, Lance Henrickson's voice.2011, 89 mins, Unrated  
Re: Monsters fight to the death. In a graveyard in .. The Midwest or something.
  Outstanding: *Crickets*
  Unacceptable: This was absolutely terrible. The acting, the makeup, the "Plot" the fact that they kept calling Frankenstein's Monster Frankenstein, that the budget was ten years of my salary and I felt robbed watching it for an hour and a half....
  Summary: It was obviously an attempt at a parody or homage of 80's old-school wrestling and I applaud the idea, but this was seriously so unwatchable, I feel bad having anything written in this review except the word Unacceptable  in big bold print under the title.
  1/5

How this review should have looked - 

 MONSTER BRAWL
Directed by Jesse T. Hook
Starring Dave Foley, Lance Henrickson's voice.
2011, 89 mins, Unrated 

Movie Review - 21 Jump Street

 21 JUMP STREETDirected by Phil Lord & Chris Miller
Starring Jonah Hill Channing Tatum, Ice Cube2012, 109 mins, [R]  
Re: A couple of incompetent cops are sent to an undercover operation attempting to reveal the source for a new drug. By posing undercover as high school students.
  Outstanding: A very self aware, funny flick. Both Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum throw themselves into their roles with gusto. The casual subversion of the way High School roles have changed in such a short time was really clever.
  Unacceptable: Some of the humor fell flat, mostly when it veered into gross-out levels. The "Love interest" didn't really do much for me - virtually no screen presence. I still don't really like Hill or Tatum.
  Summary: Despite having virtually nothing to recommend it apart from a friend's review, I enjoyed myself immensely during good chunks of the movie, particularly the not very explosive car chase and a certain cameo. I'd imagine if these kinds of movies are your thing - SuperBad Boys  - You'll love it.
  3/5

FIlm Review - Immortals

 IMMORTALSDirected by Tarsem Singh
Starring Henry Cavill, Mickey Rourke, John Hurt2011, 110 mins, [R]  
Re: Oily, dirty, low body fat people writhe around dramtically in a re-imagining of the legend of Theseus. Kind of.
  Outstanding: Tarsem Singh has a singular vision (Zing!) The oracle is very pretty. John Hurt is never not awesome. Some of the armor designs for the gods were really neat.
  Unacceptable: This just never made it past the tacky CG-cloak it was draped in. There was very little humor to offset the dire grumpiness.
  Summary: Despite a few genuinely thrilling fight scenes and some imaginatively designed locations, I was bored out of my mind watching this. Sweaty topless people killing each other is usually so much more fun.
  1/5

Book Review - Sly Fox by Jeanine Pirro

 SLY FOX
By Judge Jeanine Pirro2012, 292 pages, Reviewer Copy
Out Now!   
Re: Being a female Assistant District Attorney in New York in 1976 is not easy. Especially if you're like Dani Fox - a young, pretty A.D.A. that just so happens to think that abusing and/or killing your wife is wrong and aims to do something about it!
 Outstanding: Sly Fox, a semi-autobiographical novel from Judge Jeanine Pirro has a very appealing lead in Dani Fox. Ambitious, feisty and a little naive. O'Brien, the semi-reluctant old-dog homicide detective that helps Dani is also a great character, with shades of Harry Bosch. 
  Unacceptable: Occasionally Sly Fox feels a little too autobiographical and the bad guys are sort of one-note. And I wish the setting had been described more vibrantly. I never really felt immersed in the seventies.
  Summary: Apparently, Pirro is a judge and TV personality of some celebrity, but I had been unaware of her until asked to review the novel. Pirro, aided by author Pete Earley, has written a compelling and surprisingly enjoyable legal thriller. I wish the era had been utilized for more than its attitudes towards domestic violence, but there were enough twists and well-written courtroom showdowns that I look forward to Pirra's next Dani Fox novel. 4/5

Product Review - Virgil's Dr. Better

 VIRGIL'S DR. BETTER$1.59, 12 fl. oz.  
Re: A micro-brewed, 100% natural, caffeine free version of Dr. Pepper. 
  Outstanding: Hints of honey and vanilla. The man on the label has a nice beard.
  Unacceptable: It tastes strangely watered down, especially the aftertaste. My drinks demand caffeine!
  Summary: Not really a contender for the crown when compared to the king of all beverages, The Doctor, but appealing in it's own way. Kind of a cream soda version that tastes good but doesn't really fulfill the craving for either drink.
  3/5

Movie Review - Red State

 RED STATE
Directed by Kevin Smith
Starring John Goodman, Melissa Leo, Michael Parks2011, 88 mins, [R]  
Re: When a group of teenagers are kidnapped by a collection of religious nuts, things go bad very quickly.
  Outstanding: Man, this is an intense flick. Dark and non-stop. John Goodman is fantastic in his role as a conflicted ATF agent, as is Michael Parks
  Unacceptable: This is not a pleasant movie to watch. Despite a few genuinely funny lines, there is no humor or anything lighthearted. There are plenty of strong performances, but there aren't really any likeable characters. There are some questionable changes in directing style, often mid-scene.
  Summary: Not what you would expect from the creator of Clerks and Mallrats, but a well made movie. It has an almost Coen Brothers feel. I cannot foresee a reason to watch it again, but I'm glad I saw it. One of those kinds of movies.
  4/5

Television Review - Tremors S01E02

 TREMORS
Season One, Episode Two
"Ghost Dance"
Directed by Whitney Ransick
Starring Victor Browne, Michael Gross
2003, 45 mins, Unrated 
Re: A green, wobbly globby mist thing is sucking moisture out of people. Ghost or government experiment? Either way, who cares? It's not a giant underground monster!
  Outstanding: Christopher Lloyd guest stars as a crabby, unkempt, paranoid scientist. The mummies were kind of cool looking.
  Unacceptable: Everything else. Government conspiracies? Water sucking bacteria? A government stooge that talked with a humorously forced deep voice? Balderdash!
  Summary: If this series devolves into X-Files Lite, I may not be able to finish. Unless it devolves past that into Eerie Indiana territory, in which case I'm back on board.
  1/5

Television Review - Tremors S01E01

 TREMORS
Season One, Episode One
"Feeding Frenzy"
Directed by Bradford May
Starring Victor Browne, Michael Gross 2003, 45 mins, Unrated  
Re: Tyler Reed moves to Perfection Valley to re-open a tour business originally started up in Tremors 3. Perfection is now a protected habitat, focused on keeping the albino graboid El Blanco alive and non-threatened. So what do the residents do when El Blanco gets a lot more aggressive?
  Outstanding: A pretty good idea for a TV series - take what made the original successful, update the timeline but don't change much else. Practical effects and authentic locations help the cheap TV budget stay looking decent.
  Unacceptable: So far, the main character is unlikeable and some of the writing is bad. As much as I love Michael Gross's character, the same schtick in this many movies and now a TV series is overload.
  Summary: As strong a start as could be expected from something like this. I'd never seen the series and with decent effects and some likeable new characters, I could enjoy it! We'll see. If things start to lag, they can always put Rosalita back in a wife beater and have her shovel hay.


  4/5

Movie Review - Mirror Mirror

 MIRROR MIRRORDirected by Tarsem Singh
Starring Lily Collins, Julia Roberts, and the spectacularly named Armie Hammer2012, 106 mins, [PG]  
Re: It's Snow White again, with a few modern-ish twists, elaborate costumes and the ugliest castle I've ever seen.
  Outstanding: I actually found the dwarves and their antics to be quite entertaining. Nathan Lane was tailor-made for his part. Lily Collins is adorable. For that matter, so was the prince. The stoic behavior of the king during...
  Unacceptable: ...The hilariously out of place Music Video. Everything to do with Julia Roberts and the weird Tiki Magic Mirror nonsense. There was a role tailor made for Nathan Lane.
  Summary: Despite this pretty looking movie's many faults, I actually enjoyed it. I'm not one that would ever stand up for Julia Roberts, but the queen was supposed to be an annoying harridan. And modern style humor really sticks in my craw generally, but the seven dwarves all had such great comedic timing that it worked. Goofy, outlandish fun for the most part. But still just a three star movie because it could have been SO much better.
  3/5

Movie Review - Tremors 4 - The Legend Begins

 TREMORS 4: THE LEGEND BEGINSDirected by S.S. Wilson
Starring Burt Ward, Billy Drago, Brent Roam2003, 101 mins, [PG-13]  
Re: It's 1889, in the town of Rejection, Nevada. A silver mine in the nearby hills has been shut down as people disappear and talk of Dirt Dragons abound. With the arrival of the pompous and dandy Mr. Gummer, the residents decide to get to the bottom of these creatures. It's old west prequel time, ladies and gentleworms!
  Outstanding: Mostly practical effects again. The town is a perfect replica of Wild West Perfection. Billy Drago is perfect as a creepy hired gun. Yet another new form, but these ones are more in line with the originals.
  Unacceptable: Sometimes it tries just a little too hard to have the original movie's ancestors be just like their modern counterparts. Some of the humor falls a bit flat.
  Summary: Overall, I really enjoyed this movie. Gummer is the opposite of his modern version - flamboyant and goofy and the creatures are great - back to the far more effective rubbery models instead of horrible CGI. Honestly, I'm a sucker for Wild West Horror/Monster movies, so I was going to like it anyway, but the makers did a really good job of making an entertaining flick with nods to the original.
  4/5