Maranda Russell's Blog, page 36
August 4, 2019
What is Your “Why”?
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I love this quote by the philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche:
“He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.”
The trouble is, sometimes I’m not sure exactly what my “why” is. The most likely answer is my husband. I would say I stay alive for him when things are the most unlivable. I know what it is like to lose someone you love dearly and would never want to put him through that. Other friends and family count as well, but I don’t have a whole lot of them left on this earth or living near me, so they aren’t as much of a “why” anymore.
Other possible “whys” for me would include sharing my art and writing, my pets, and connecting with people online (including you guys!). Another “why” would simply be my stubborn refusal to surrender and give up. I’ve always been a fighter and determined to prove the critics wrong. I still hope to do that.
What would your “why” be?
August 2, 2019
Eeyore is My Spirit Animal
Well, things are still a bit rough. My back is still not doing great although it has been a slight bit better. I have been able to cut back a little bit on the pain killers, which I am thankful for. I hate having to take opioids too often. Unfortunately, I did trip over my TENS unit cord and that didn’t do my back or my knees and legs a lot of good:
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I was thankful the fall didn’t make my back way worse though as that easily could have happened.
Yesterday I even felt up to going down to a nearby thrift store and just walking around a little bit to see if I could loosen my back up any. I even found a new Eeyore to add to my collection while there (the pink and light blue one on the far right):
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Eeyore is my spirit animal….unfortunately.
July 31, 2019
July 29, 2019
ER Visit, Trigger Point Injections
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Well, my back is no better after 5 days, so I ended up visiting the ER last night. They gave me a steroid shot and 2 trigger point injections. It was the first time I’ve had trigger point injections and they hurt like hell! Luckily, the pain is brief, but I couldn’t help yelling out a bit in pain and squeezing my husband’s hand like a stress ball during the procedure.
Unfortunately, the shots didn’t seem to work. I’m not any better than I was before going to the ER. That makes me think that it is probably my spine causing the issue – either my degenerative disc disease or my bulging discs. At the ER doc’s suggestion, I also bought a TENS unit and have tried it out a couple times. I’m not sure it is helping either, but I figure at this point I’ll try anything.
I’m so very tired of this constant pain. This is enough to drive a person crazy.
July 27, 2019
In Pain, Depressed, and Isolated
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Sorry I haven’t written in a few days. I threw my back/neck out again and it has been bad. Probably the worst it has ever been. I have been constantly downing pain killers and muscle relaxers and still no change. Usually the worst only lasts a day or two during these flareups, but now I’m on day 3 and it still hurts to move in any direction.
Naturally, this has me rather depressed too. I had appointments and fun plans this weekend that I had to cancel due to the pain. I feel like it doesn’t matter how hard I try to be social or how much I try to take good care of myself, my efforts always end up jinxed.
This is why I normally end up isolating myself, because I feel like all my health issues make me unreliable. It feels like no matter how understanding other people are, when I have to call off at the last minute several times, they start to get frustrated (and understandably so).
I just wish this horrible pain would pass.
July 24, 2019
July 23, 2019
The Lion King Remake – Expecting a Little Disappointment
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Today my husband and I are going to see the new Lion King movie. I expect it to be cute and think the artistic style will be cool, but I don’t expect it to live up to my love of the original cartoon movie as it is probably my favorite movie of all time. I also heard they took out the whole scene with Scar and the hyenas singing “Be Prepared”. Super bummed about that as Scar is my favorite character. I also don’t like how the Scar in this remake looks nothing like the original Scar.
Overall, I’m not really crazy about all the live action remakes of the Disney Classics. I did like the Jungle Book one ok and Beauty and the Beast wasn’t that bad (I do love Emma Watson, so that was a plus), but I didn’t even have a desire to see the Cinderella or Aladdin ones. I like Will Smith overall, but he is no Robin Williams.
I did like Maleficient quite a bit, but I’m not sure if that was really a remake as it told an entirely different viewpoint and story when compared to the original animated film. I’m sorry if I’m boring you lol, but I take my Disney seriously 
July 21, 2019
Sometimes You Need A Lot of Color!
Sometimes when making art, I feel the primary color rainbow shouting my name and have to indulge in a burst of brightness! Here are a couple recent colorful creations…
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Check out my art for sale on my Ebay store!
July 19, 2019
I Want to Embrace Positivity and Raise My Vibration
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Lately I’ve been thinking that I really want to embrace positivity and “raise my vibration” as they say in spiritual circles. I want to fear life less and feel more secure in who I am. I want to learn how to extend the dedication and loyalty to myself that I so easily give to those closest to me.
I want to focus more on love, peace, hope, joy, and oneness, and focus less on division, anger, despair, and apathy. To be honest, I feel that I’ve somewhat been stuck in a mire of negativity and pessimism since my sister killed herself six years ago. The trauma from that event caused such a raging storm of guilt, confusion, pain, regret, and loss of faith in anything I used to believe in.
I don’t want to undo the last six years, because I feel I have learned a lot and some of the things I have let go of needed to be let go, but I need to learn how to live for myself and my future now. I can’t change the past, but I can shape a better, brighter future.
I want to make a difference in other peoples’ lives too. I want to inspire and encourage others. I want to learn how to trust again.
July 17, 2019
Gastroscopy Update
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Hey everyone! The upper GI endoscopy is officially done! Luckily, the anesthesia worked great and I didn’t feel a thing until afterwards. They were running behind schedule so I had to wait a while to get into the procedure room, but once I got in there, the rest was easy. I woke up with a bad case of the hiccups, but that didn’t last too long.
The doctor said that the results looked pretty good. She did fix some scar tissue in there (I’m assuming from the acid reflux) and took a biopsy (mostly to check for celiac). The worst after-effect has been that when I ate lunch it hurt quite a bit to swallow food. Drinking hasn’t been too bad though. I grabbed a smoothie and some fruit and veggie juice on the way home, so I’m set for the rest of the night, even if it is hard to eat solid food.
I want to thank all of you for your kind thoughts and prayers for this appointment. I tend to get super anxious about anything I haven’t been through before and hearing your encouraging words and personal stories helps. I’m planning to take the rest of the day easy and just relax or maybe nap.
