Maranda Russell's Blog, page 22

A Look Inside My Personal Journal!

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I didn’t really have a good idea for a blog post today, so here are a few random little bits of prose from my journal that I like and thought I’d share:

I want to cause chaos. I want the entire world to feel the insecurities and fragility that creates the glass enclosure I dare not shake or shatter.

I lean towards darkness, but not cruelty or evil. The comforting dark. The mysterious dark. The exciting dark. The natural dark. The darkness inside is strong, but it need not be frightening. 

I believe in justice, in fairness, in self protection, and in reflecting negativity back to its source, but I do not believe in malevolence. 

I should have been a whore when I was younger. I was a good girl – I ran from impropriety. I feared intimacy. I swam in self-doubt and self-consciousness. I was afraid to be sexual. I was afraid to be sensual. I was afraid to be attractive. 

Poetry – Uncomfortable

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We are uncomfortable

in this world

not made for us.

Divine providence?

Grand design?

Or just another

cosmic punch line?

TikTok Fun Videos (Creepy and Cute)

I’ve been having a great time making TikToks lately lol (follow me on there, @marandarussell2). I find it is a platform where I can just be creative and have fun and not worry about gaining enough followers, advertising, trying to promote my art or writing, etc. It is great to have an outlet that is purely for entertainment and not a cause of stress. The short length of the videos makes it easier to do them when I only have a spare minute or two.

I figured I would share a couple of my recent TikTok vids here today. First, we have a creepy one:

And here is a cute one:

WordPress Played Me!!!

Man, WordPress got my hopes up today and then just dashed them. I came to my blog site as I normally do and saw this on the side panel:

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8,974 followers??? Yesterday I had around 1,700!!! Of course, after the elation swept through me, my common sense kicked in and I wondered how I could have possibly gotten over 7k followers in one day, especially when my other numbers (post likes, comments, etc.) look about the same. So I checked my blog stats page and I’m still at between 1,700-1,800 followers. Oh well.

Thanks for the heart attack WordPress…and the letdown.

Stores Reopen Today!

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Here in Ohio, non-essential retail stores reopen today! I have been in a depressed funk this past week, so I plan to go out and try to cheer myself up. I know I want to go to the bookstore (bookstores, how I have missed you!) and probably Goodwill. Don’t worry, I will be cautious and try to maintain my distance from others, but I need to feel a bit of normalcy return to my life!

Honestly, I think I likely already had coronavirus a couple months ago anyhow, although I would need to be tested for the antibodies to know for sure. Of course, I have heard reports that you might be able to get it more than once, so still doesn’t hurt to be careful.

Hair salons reopen at the end of the week I think, and it will feel good to get my hair cut again. Funny how you miss little things like that when you can’t do them for a while.

What is going on where you live? Are you still under lockdown? Are things slowly opening back up? Do you plan to go back to normal activity if they do reopen?

Luna Lovegood Fan Art Mini Zine

I made another Harry Potter fan zine. My last one was for Severus Snape (my favorite character), and this time I decided to do one for Luna Lovegood, my husband’s favorite character and one of my other top picks. I love how Luna was so truly creative, kind, and out there (and I mean WAY out there lol). I love people like that.

Here is a look at the cover and first couple pages of the 8-page mini zine:

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Do you like Luna? Who is your favorite Harry Potter character?

I only made 5 copies for the first run, so if you want a copy, check them out on my Ebay store soon!

 

Quarantine Depression

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I’m struggling right now mentally and emotionally. Here are some of the reasons:

I found out yesterday that my psychiatrist is retiring at the end of the month, so I have to start seeing someone new, beginning with my next appointment in June. I think one of the worst things is that I won’t get a chance to say goodbye and I really liked my current psychiatrist. He was weird, but in a good way. I feel anxiety and fatigue at the thought of having to start over with someone new and share all my issues from the beginning.
My husband is in a bad funk because of the quarantine. He desperately misses work and since school has been cancelled for the rest of the year, he won’t be able to get back to work until at least the next school year starts, if then. His constant low mood is making it more difficult for me to keep my head above water mentally-speaking.
I’m feeling lonely and disconnected, perhaps due to the quarantine? Although it is certainly a feeling I was familiar with far before all this madness began. Maybe the social distancing just heightens what was already there.
I have no desire to do anything. I don’t want to write this blog, but I am pushing through. I don’t want to do my normal housework, online work…any of it.

#LifeAidHope Suicide Prevention Campaign

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More than 20 Military, Veterans, and First Responders take their lives each day, your support can help end this epidemic!

Donate today: classy.org/campaign/20/c273823

Poetry – Life Stages

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Dolls ponies kickball screaming bruise

childhood

Boys angst shame body confusion

teenage

Marriage work pretending big loss

twenties

Health Pain Drugs Homebody Silence

thirties

forties? fifties? sixties?

yet to come

I Wrote a Letter to the Air Force about Aliens…

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Last night I was talking to someone online when my memory was sparked about an amusing email letter I sent years ago to Wright Patterson Air Force Base, located here in Dayton. The letter was semi-serious and semi-trolling I suppose. I wanted it to be ridiculously humorous and maybe make the office staff who ended up reading it chuckle, but I was serious about the fact that I have always had an interest in the topic of aliens.

To my surprise, I found that I still had the email letter in my archive, so I thought I would share it now, just for laughs. Here is what I actually wrote and sent to the Air Force question box years ago lol:

“Hello! I know this might sound kind of like a joke, but it really isn’t. I’ve always been interested in aliens, UFO’s, and other paranormal stuff, and I hear you probably have aliens and/or UFO spacecrafts hidden on your base in underground tunnels or hangars or whatever.

I wanted to offer my services if you could use them in regards to your alien research/projects. I would prefer to work with greys I think (I hear they are the more intellectual and non-violent of the known alien species). Reptilians seem a bit hardcore.

I’m not sure what I could actually do to help, but maybe there is something? Perhaps I might be able to understand or relate to them since I myself am an RH Negative blood type and there seems to be some belief that we may be descended from aliens ourselves.

Also, I have been diagnosed with high-functioning autism, which some people think is some alien-related kind of human evolution. I don’t really like people much, so am great at keeping secrets.”

I never did get an official response, but I’m sure this probably got me put onto several lists…

Maybe I should contact Trump’s new Space Force?