Maranda Russell's Blog, page 20

Funny TikTok Video: Prescription Drug Side Effects

Follow me on Tiktok: @marandarussell2

Not Taking Your Psych Meds

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Maybe it is the bipolar, but I tend to go through cycles where I stop taking my antidepressant or bipolar medicine because I start thinking either it doesn’t really work for me, I decide I would rather try natural alternatives, or I start thinking that the new agers are right and the pharmaceutical industry is trying to poison us all or trying to block or destroy our pineal gland with the medicine so that we can’t have real, meaningful spiritual experiences (or so that we can’t exercise any innate psychic powers – whatever they may be).

During these times, I do at least taper off. I’m not stupid. I don’t do the cold turkey thing. And honestly, I DON’T notice much of a difference with some of the meds, even after being off them for a month or more. However, I do notice a difference with the antidepressant and I notice it quickly. I’m not sure sometimes though if it is really the medicine or my fear of going off of it since I have taken antidepressants for YEARS and feel almost dependent on them at this point.

Anyone else experience anything like this cycle of suspicion, doubt, and desire to be off the psych meds for good?

Artsy Photography – Spiders, Leaves, and Frogs

Yesterday my husband and I went for a walk in the park and I took a couple “artsy” photos. First, we have this black and white spider picture:

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Then we have this picture of a leaf against a log that is very autumn-like for the summer:

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Someone on Facebook was nice enough to add a frog to that last one lol:

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Wordless Wednesday – Who Wants a Haircut?

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(No photoshop lol, this place actually exists near where I live)

“Death By Air” Oil Pastel Painting Art

Originally, I made this oil pastel artwork “Death By Air” as a statement about pollution and climate change, but it kind of works for Covid 19 as well lol.

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Check out my art and other stuff for sale on Ebay!

Struggling to Blog

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Lately I have really been struggling with motivation to blog. Due to a depressive slump, I’ve been having trouble with the desire to do much of anything, but blogging especially has fallen by the wayside.

It makes me feel bad because I truly do appreciate this community and love the interaction I get with all of you, but when the whole world feels dark, it is hard to even try to reach for some light.

I’m not sure if my current state is just a continuation of the depression I was already feeling, or if it is worsened by gradually switching mood stabilizers (Seroquel to Lamictal), but I am hoping the situation improves soon. I have only been on the Lamictal since Monday and am only on the first dosage level, with at least two increases planned, so maybe my brain is just struggling to adjust.

I’m hoping my passion for blogging will return eventually, but for now, I’m trying to hang in there. If I’m not as active as usual, all of this stuff is probably why.

Doctor Televisits – Like Them or Not?

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During the Coronavirus quarantine, I have had to do several doctor visits by video chat. So far, I’ve had to do them with my family doctor and psychiatrist, and starting this week, I will be doing them with my counselor too.

I must admit I’m not big on the whole televisit thing. I always worry about our internet connection during them because we live out in the middle of nowhere and have satellite internet (which sucks). But even aside from that, it makes me more nervous for some reason and makes me feel awkward sharing personal information. I have always hated talking on the phone and feel this is kind of similar.

I guess the upsides are that I don’t have to get dressed and ready to go out, or sit in a boring waiting room, but I still prefer the face to face contact. My counselor did offer in-person appointments but we would’ve had to wear masks, and I can’t wear a face mask for long because it irritates my asthma.

What about you? Have you had to do doctor televisits during Covid? If so, how do you feel about them?

One of My Favorite Recent Artworks

I just sold this oil pastel painting the other day, but thought I would share because it is one of my favorite recent artworks I have made. I like the earthy, a little bit dark atmosphere, and the figures in line. If I remember right, this was inspired by an old, vintage photo of men waiting in a line to go to their factory job.

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Check out my other art for sale on Ebay!

First Appointment with New Psychiatrist

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I had my first appointment with my new psychiatrist yesterday (my old doctor unexpectedly retired last month). Yesterday’s appointment had to be via video because of Covid. I was super anxious about it beforehand, not knowing what he was like or if we would be a good match. For a first visit, I would MUCH prefer an in-person appointment, but that wasn’t an option for now.

Fortunately, he seems caring and understanding and listened to me very well. I felt like he was trying hard to understand my situation and symptoms and that he took all of my concerns seriously. I guess I couldn’t ask for much more.

Because my anxiety and depression have both been bad lately, we are trying a new medication combo to see if that helps. I will no longer be taking the Seroquel and instead will be taking Lamictal. He is hoping I might be able to wean off the Prozac too if the new med works, since the antidepressants don’t seem to do much for me anymore (and if I take higher doses it tends to cause hypomanic symtoms).

Lamictal is known for not causing as much weight gain as other mood stabilizers, so I am all for that! I hope I won’t have many side effects from it, but we’ll see.

Poetry – Katrina Van Tassel

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Woman

daughter

only child

blooming lass

plump and ripe

rosy-cheeked

coquette

(A little poem inspired by the character from Washington Irving’s “The Legend of Sleepy Hollow”)