Robin Gilbert Luftig's Blog, page 32

Learning to Bloom Again: A Preview

Sometimes books need updating. That’s how it was for From Pain to Peace: The Journey of Forgiveness After Divorce. I pulled it off the shelf, added a new title, cover (Thanks, Amber Weigand-Buckley) and punched up the information. 
I’ll soon introduce Learning to Bloom Again; walking through forgiveness after divorce to y’all. A bit more tweaking, but it will be available in paperback and ebook format.
Here’s your first peek:

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After writing From Pain to Peace in 2008, I thought I had all the tools needed to heal after divorce. I realized women who sought God’s direction and had learned from past mistakes—their own as well as those made by others—maintained healthy lives after divorce. Many caught the vision and experienced true healing.

Yet, there are still people hurting.

There’s no denying it: pain surrounds divorce. Life lessons remain. Marriages still end. But I stress throughout this book… relationships never end—they only change. Whether the person moves away, remarries, or even dies, though changed, the relationship remains. I learned early: “Do your best to get along with your soon-to-be ex-husband. As long as you breathe, he will always be in your life. One way or another.”

The word divorce has many definitions. In today’s society, it suggests being so upset with a spouse you no longer want them to be part of your life. However, the Greek term for divorce, Aphiemi [pronounced af-EE-ay-mee], means “to forgive” or “go and leave something behind.”

To forgive?

How ironic, the word we use today that conjures up negative feelings in most people was meant to leave a positive impression? That I divorce you can truly mean I forgive you? Anyone who has been affected by the heartbreak of divorce knows it is anything but positive. Forgiveness is often the last thing that comes to mind.

Why Are Post-Divorce Relationships So Important?

Learning how to deal with divorce is a very real issue. In the first edition of From Pain to Peace, I sited The National Center for Health Statistics (2000) report, “The probability of a first marriage ending in separation or divorce within five years is twenty percent. After ten years, the probability of a first marriage ending is thirty-three percent.” Find any marriage blogs today, and you might be encouraged to read divorce rates have declined by eight percent. If you look deeper, however, those statistics don’t take in consideration that many millennials just tend to live together and not marry. (But living together unmarried is a topic for another author … another book.)

The Barna Group, which provides information and analysis regarding cultural trends and the Christian church, noted in December 2000, “Born again adults are more likely to experience a divorce than are non-born again adults (27% vs. 24%).”  It only makes sense, then, with a divorce rate this high, we need to prepare ourselves to know how to live life after divorce. God has a plan for us, too. Unfortunately, churches offer little instruction. They are getting better with opening their doors to hurting, broken families, but society today would benefit from more empathy—less judgment and condemnation.

According to a 2008 study from the Barna Group, among those who have said wedding vows, many have already been divorced at least once. Many millennials, because of coming from one-parent homes, choose not to marry. Yet those who do and succumb to divorce still feel the full sting of rejection and failure. Bottom line … most congregations have hurting people carrying real, raw emotional baggage.

How would Jesus help? What would He do?

The Bible tells us once we accept Christ’s grace for our lives and accept Him into our hearts, we no longer have the luxury to hold onto anger—even the anger that can grow from a divorce. Jesus says in Matthew 6, “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.” We must offer forgiveness.

Forgiveness is a tough pill to swallow when you’re in the middle of the process. There are still the, But what about—conversations. You’re dealing with real pain.

Don’t fret. You can do this.

First, figure out what forgiveness is. Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary defines “forgive” as “to give up resentment of or claim to requital for.” In “Forgiveness is Not an Option,” Kristine Steakley’s shares how she struggled with understanding forgiveness.

“As I lay there talking to God, I realized my problem was more in understanding forgiveness than in granting it. I imagined forgiveness as the absence of pain and the restoration of trust. I pictured myself running into my former sweetheart. I pictured myself talking to him and smiling and feeling no sadness or apprehension. In short, I thought forgiveness meant going back to the way I was before the hurt had occurred.”

If it is your goal to move beyond the pain of divorce, you can heal and establish a new healthy relationship.

Learning to Bloom Again came from a labor of love—and loathing. I weathered the storm of unforgiveness and struggled through the process of learning how to forgive. I have been divorced three times. The first time I married as a teen to try to fix my life and to fill holes in my heart with a healing relationship I wasn’t prepared to build. This marriage only lasted a few months. It was a mistake from the beginning.

The second divorce came after I married for all the wrong reasons. I thought this man would be a wonderful provider and take care of me—a disastrous foundational reason for a marriage. He, too, was a good man. But this relationship ended in divorce as well.

The third divorce came after I married a man because I was lonely. As you can guess, another tragedy. After the third divorce, I realized I was the common denominator in all my failed marriages. From that realization, I spent years trying to understand why I felt the need to seek value from marriage. Through God’s love, patience, and mercy, He offered me the type of love I needed—a focused relationship with Him before any other.

As flowers push through the spring’s snow to find the sun’s warmth, I, too, reached for sunlight. With this new awareness—along with God’s faithfulness—I set out to find answers for my actions. Through years of prayer and self-examination, I realized I was co-dependent. Only when I addressed my illness did I understand how I had created the mess around me. Along with understanding my actions, I also came to a place of forgiveness—first to myself and then of others.

Learning to Bloom Again reflects my discoveries along the journey. This book is meant to enlighten and inspire. I’ve collected scriptures on relationships. Included are stories—both good and bad—from Christians who are divorced. You’ll see how just as they couldn’t make the marriage work by themselves, they couldn’t make a divorce heathy on their own. It took teamwork … even when the team was broken.

Paul wrote in Romans: “If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” We can only control our own actions—no one else’s. Do what you can but learn to accept that others are responsible as well.

I pray Learning to Bloom Again helps you find the answers you’re seeking. They may be here, ready to offer you a new contentment. I hope you, too, find the peace that surpasses all understanding. That kind of peace only comes from a relationship with Christ. May this book help you reach into the dark corners of your heart. Not just to treat the symptoms of anger, resentment, and unforgiveness, but to allow Christ to heal your soul.

I spent the early years of my adult life trying to control and looking for quick answers. But there were no shortcuts, no quick fixes. Healing forgiveness cannot be accomplished on your own; it’s only found in God’s mercy and grace.

Discouraged? Don’t be. As with anything with value, time needs to be invested. This book offers suggestions to prosper healing. You will learn:

How to accept your pain
How to see the necessity of forgiveness
How to find a start for forgiveness
How to apply Scripture to your process

I challenge you to open your mind as well as your heart when reading Learning to Bloom Again. If you find healing, know God gets all the glory for it. He helped me find my way through a dark journey of healing after divorce. He can help you, too.

May God bless you and the time you are investing in searching for assistance in your own healing.

 

Blessed with More Life

Happy Anniversary to me!

It was eight years ago today—April 11, 2011—when my life’s journey took a turn. This was the day when I had brain surgery to remove a ginormous tumor from the front-top quadrant of my brain.

That’s when God blessed me with more life.

[image error]Everything changed after that surgery. Days of running up and down steps with ease were gone forever. Forgetting how to say words became commonplace. Putting together jigsaw puzzles with my husband—now a thing of the past. A faint weakness on my right side still remains … reminding me … the outcome could have been different.

Because of that surgery, I know … without a doubt … each moment is a gift.

[image error]The doctors made it clear—they could not give me any guarantees that I’d survive the delicate and lengthy operation. They needed to cut my skull open and remove the tumor, then figure out if they could put me back together again.

Then there was the therapy: physical, occupational, and speech. I worked diligently for months trying to relearn the simplest of tasks: walking without assistance, standing and not losing my balance, learning to pick up coins one at a time, and repeating words and phrases after they were said to me.

But I celebrated because God was with me every step of the way.

And I’ve tried to never take life for granted again.

“ …‘you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.’ Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.” James 4:13-14 NIV

[image error]Thump-thump.

Feel that? It’s your heart beating. It could stop at any time, but instead, it keeps on going. Not because of anything you’re doing, but because it’s God’s gift to you. With each beat, you’re blessed with more life.

Come, celebrate with me. I’ve had eight years of appreciating and trusting God’s gift of a day—one at a time.

How can we celebrate your blessings?.

Robin speaks to women’s groups on trusting God through adversity. As a writer, she’s a finalist for the 2019 Selah Writing Award. Soon she’s releasing the third edition of , “Learning to Bloom Again: walking through forgiveness after divorce” and is looking for a publisher for, “God’s Best During Your Worst,” a manual on how to deal with life’s darkness and yet see God’s loving and guiding hand. Watch for it!

Gearing Up to Write

[image error]I recently spent the weekend with friends who picked my brain about writing. How did you start? Where did you learn to write? Why do you say it the way you do? I smiled when I pulled up Cindy Ervin Huff’s latest blog, Twelve Fave Writing Craft Books from My Bookshelves.

She’s listed several of my favorites as well. If she’d ask, I’d also add Eva Marie Everson’s Common Mistakes Writers Make and  Stephen King’s On Writing. My copies are highlighted, coffee-stained, and much loved.

Thanks, Cindy, for the great list.

What are some of your favorite writing books?

A Writer in the Rough

[image error] I used to be bored with books and was a terrible reader. But then I experienced a well-written story, and it changed my world.


 


I fought the internal nudge for years to take a swing at writing. Who was I to strike out to be … an author? Nonsense!


 


But the nudge persisted.


 


After years of trying, failing–and failing miserably–I continued on. And I’m ever so thankful that I did.


 


Look at me … a Selah finalist. Selah’s a nationally recognized award offered to books and articles within Christian publishing that are considered excellent within their genre.


 


Oh friend, don’t ignore that nudge you’re getting. It may take time, but it will pay off.

A Book Review: The Art of Hard Conversations

[image error]Lori Roeleveld truly really hit a home run with The Art of Hard Conversations.

Statements like Truth is like tofu … it has its own nature and consistency, yet still takes on the flavor of the other elements with which it’s served. are peppered throughout Lori Roeleveld‘s latest book, “The Art of Hard Conversations.” In it, she shows us how to prepare for those hard conversations that need to be shared. She explains how to embrace the power of a question and how to approach possibly devastating situations with Christ-infused strength.

Chapter breakdowns are in-depth, easy to follow and incredibly [image error]respectful. You’ll learn how to gently pull a topic apart a to see all the intricate pieces so you can understand where your listener is coming from. No matter what your personality, the stories she shares will hit your heart.

And her use of scripture is spot-on! Get your highlighter ready. You’ll want to read and re-read this book.

Handling Your Time in a Valley

[image error]We all hit valleys once in a while. The worst part about being in a valley is if you have to deal with it on your own.

Like I said … the worst.

Check out Brandon J. Adams’ latest post on 5 Encouragements for the Long Road to Finding “Your People”.

Whatever stage of life you’re in, know that “your people ” are out there, ready to be found.

Thanks again, Brandon. Your insight really hits the mark.

 

Reaching the Nepali Bhutanese in Harrisburg, PA

[image error]Reaching other countries for Christ may not be as difficult as you think.

I recently had the privilege to write an article for One Christian Voice  Christian Magazine about Pastor Kevin Brown of Lighthouse Church in Harrisburg, PA about just that.  Thinking outside the box that we create for ourselves when it comes to serving in foreign missions.

The article also appeared in the Southern Jersey Once Christian Voice version of the magazine as well as the Philadelphia version.

I challenge you … think outside the box when it comes to reaching others for Christ.

That is … if you dare.

The Focus is Off

[image error]I’ve always enjoyed the story of the Prodigal Son. But its focus challenged me. My heart went to the son who stayed behind … the one who could not forgive his younger brother.  Brandon Adams writes about that in his latest blog, It’s Never Too Late to Come Back.

It’s important to remember that God loves us all … and offers forgiveness to all who seek it.

A new morning awaits … for all of us.

Mason Jar Blessings

[image error]Welcome, February!

Check out my article in the last Leading Hearts magazine. Begin your own mason jar full of blessings!

A Note from Google +

[image error]Here’s a note I received from WordPress. I’m confident it wasn’t sent from a prince in a foreign country. It asks for no money but offers instruction as to how to share blog posts to G suite followers.

Actions requested

You may want to ask your users to perform the actions below:

A new version of the Google+ Android app will be released on February 22, 2019. Your G Suite Android users will need to update the Google+ Android app before March 7, 2019, to continue using Google+ on their mobile devices. Old versions of the app will no longer be supported.
If your users own or moderate a community outside your domain and there are consumer contributions that they would like to keep, they should download and save them before April 2019. If they download the data now, they will get links to community posts. Starting early March 2019, they will also be able to download the author, body, and photos for every community post in a public community.
Google+ pages and events will be deleted for both G Suite and consumer users if there is content your users would like to keep, they should download and save it before April 2019. If they would like to keep their Google+ tagline, please have them download and save their Profile data.
Google+ gadgets in classic Google Sites will no longer work starting March 7, 2019, so you and your users may want to remove them. Google+ embeds in the new Google Sites will continue to work.
If your users opted in to the Google Play Services Public Beta Program, they may experience issues using Google apps like Gmail and Hangouts as we begin shutting down consumer Google+. To avoid any interruption in service, G Suite users can leave the Beta Program.

For more information, see this Help Center article, which may be updated periodically, or contact G Suite support and reference issue number 123433241.

Sincerely,

The G Suite Team