Robin Gilbert Luftig's Blog, page 29

Wrap yourself in peace

You aren’t who they say you are. You’re who God says you are.

Pandemic … Don’t be fooled!

[image error]This pandemic has kicked the entire globe off its axis. In one short month, we’ve become isolated. People are losing their jobs. We’re told not to leave our homes. And if we do, we’ re not to hug, shake hands, or even get within six feet of someone else.

Our lives have been devastated.

And that has thrilled someone.

Clarity hit me like a ton of bricks last Sunday when we were getting ready to do church online. Coffee was poured. My church’s Facebook Live was connected to a bigger screen in our living room for easier viewing. Then, out of nowhere … the power went off throughout the neighborhood.

By that one action, clarity flooded over me.

Yes, there is a pandemic and we all need to be careful. Stay the suggested six feet away from one another. Disinfect doorknobs and phones in your home.

But, don’t for a moment think this is a terrible accident. Dig into scripture.

Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. (Matthew 10:28)

Ponder the events happening in your life that are out of the norm—even for these times.

Please share them with me. Maybe we cannot give each other a hug, but we can offer one another a hand up. We can remind one another that this is not the time to fret, but it’s time to battle. And then … to stand.



[image error]Look again at Ephesians 6:10-18 with new eyes. “Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.

God's Best During Your Worst: An Interview

[image error] I was blessed to be interviewed by Tina Yeager as we discussed God’s Best During Your Worst. She asked many questions on how I came to write the book and what I learned from the process. It can be found in several venues: 


 

Apple Podcasts: https://tinyurl.com/v7tggah


YouTube: https://tinyurl.com/sbllmda


Podbean: https://tinyurl.com/ur8tcwk
Spotify: Flourish-Meant: You Were Meant to Live Abundantly – tinayeager


Check it out. Thanks, Tina! Check out Tina’s other information at https://tinayeager.com/.

Have questions regarding what you heard on the podcast? I’d love to hear from you. Contact me at robin@robinluftig.com.

The post God's Best During Your Worst: An Interview appeared first on .

God’s Best During Your Worst: An Interview

[image error] I was blessed to be interviewed by Tina Yeager as we discussed God’s Best During Your Worst. She asked many questions on how I came to write the book and what I learned from the process. It can be found in several venues: 


 


Apple Podcasts: https://tinyurl.com/v7tggah


YouTube: https://tinyurl.com/sbllmda


Podbean: https://tinyurl.com/ur8tcwk
Spotify: Flourish-Meant: You Were Meant to Live Abundantly – tinayeager

Check it out. Thanks, Tina! Check out Tina’s other information at https://tinayeager.com/.

Have questions regarding what you heard on the podcast? I’d love to hear from you. Contact me at robin@robinluftig.com.

Dealing with Horrific Circumstances

[image error]“…you will seek the Lord your God, and you will find Him if you search for Him with all your heart and all your soul.”                                                        Deuteronomy 4:29 NASB

I stood in horror as the doctor’s words sunk in: your son has a broken neck. Hours earlier he had attempted a backflip—as he had accomplished hundreds of times before—but this time he didn’t make it over. He landed on his head and neck. There in the hospital, my son tried to reach for my hand, but all he could do was offer a palsy-like movement.

Finally settled in his hospital room, I watched as the medication slowly took over and guided him to sleep. He lay there, neck braced and tubes of medication and monitors surrounding him. I pulled up a chair, leaned my forehead against the side of his mattress and readied my heart to pray. I knew I had an open channel to the Creator of the Universe and could speak to him about anything. This prayer needed to reach past all the clouds and stars. It needed to grab God’s attention. Yet all I could say was, “Oh God … Oh God … Oh God … Oh God ….”

Have you ever had a moment that shook you emotionally to the point where you had no words to speak, only utterances? Sometimes that’s all we have to offer.

And sometimes that’s enough. Comfort can be found in terrible situations, but it takes determination on your part. Moses told the Israelites, “…you will seek the Lord your God, and you will find Him if you search for Him with all your heart and all your soul” (Deuteronomy 4:29 NASB, emphasis added).

 So when all you have is Oh God … Oh God … Oh God, know the Holy Spirit is working on your behalf, interceding for you. After I prayed that day in the hospital room, 1 Peter came to mind.

“… though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials, These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.” 1 Peter 1:5-7 (NIV).

The Apostle Peter wrote these words to the first century Christians who were experiencing persecution. He knew they needed encouragement to look beyond their circumstances. Those sentiments continue through today. When those words came to my mind there in the hospital while I waited for the doctor’s prognosis, they brought peace to my heart. I knew no matter the outcome, God was still in control.

Dealing with the emotions surrounding trauma may take longer than you anticipated. Peace seldom relieves a dark situation with a one-and-done prayer. Continue reaching out and listening. That doesn’t mean to return to the Oh God … Oh God … Oh God-type of conversation with God, but it does mean to remember Who is with you, cares for you, and is always in control.

Oh, and my son? His neck healed and he’s an avid volleyball player in Chicago these days.

There are times when we cannot change circumstances, we can only experience them. But we don’t have to experience them alone. Allow God to bring peace in all your storms.

TWEETABLE

Dealing with Horrific Circumstances – encouragement from @RobinLuftig on @AriseDailyDevo (Click to Tweet)

[image error]About the Author: Be grateful in everything—even the bumpy rides, is Robin Luftig’s mantra in either writing for non-fiction readers or speaking to audiences on the healing after tragedy. She’s an award-nominated columnist for great magazines such as Leading Hearts, CBN.com, and many more. She is the author of two books, Learning to Bloom Again and the just-released God’s Best During Your Worst(Bold Vision Books) in March. Her first novel, Ladies of the Fire launches the end of 2020. Robin enjoys speaking all over the country and would love to be your next keynote presenter or workshop leader for your conference, retreat, or women’s event.

God’s Best … and COVID-19

[image error]Are you looking for God in this pandemic but are not seeing him? Do you think he’s washed his hands of us? Did this virus catch him by surprise?

Please find the peace offered in Isaiah 41:10:

So do not fear, for I am with you;

    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you;

    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

While it goes against what I’ve said before about reading God’s Best During Your Worst from the first chapter through to the last, these times challenge our every day living.  Here’s a peek at Chapter Three (Doubt). I understand if you doubt. Many have doubted. But we can move beyond it.

I pinky-swear.

 

Chapter Three
Doubt

 

Journal entry: Sunday, April 3, 2011, 3:00 a.m.

It’s quiet now—hospital-room quiet. I’m glad Lew brought my Bible to me yesterday. Beginning the day with Scripture and prayer always helps.

I’m trying to stay focused and stay positive. But how can I stay positive when I’m dealing with so much unknown? I could die or, if I don’t die, I could be an invalid—even catatonic. Is that what you want, God? I am so ready to wake from this terrible nightmare.

The Morning’s Prayer of Uncertainty

Father, please help me get my head around what’s happening to me. I’m not strong enough to go through this on my own. I’m scared. I don’t think I have what it takes. Are you sure, Father? Is this really what you meant to happen? Lord, are you there?



I thought I had stopped doubting God when I finally surrendered my heart to Christ after years of resisting Him. Before, I thought I had everything figured out. But my life was a mess.

When I welcomed my Savior into my life, I was able to watch how that one choice turned my life from darkness to become a daughter of the King. I thought my shadowy days were finally behind me. I learned to reach beyond life’s circumstances. God’s love was enough. He repeatedly proved Himself faithful.

Faithful enough, anyway. That’s how I saw it.

Yet, even with that knowledge and experience, lying in my hospital bed, I doubted God. All my earlier efforts had been to please Him. And for all my hard work, I got a mass on my brain.

That didn’t make sense to me.

After confusion set in, doubt soon followed. And once doubt finds a home in your life, it’s hard to kick out.

Doubt Has Been Around Forever

While doubt may be new to you, it’s been around forever. And not just in the secular world—doubt was alive and well throughout Scripture. The serpent said to Eve in the Garden of Eden, “Did God really say, “You must not eat from any tree in the garden?” (Genesis 3:1 NIV). The authors of Job, Lamentations, Ecclesiastes, and Jeremiah all share stories of confusion and doubt. We can’t forget David, a man after God’s own heart, who is credited for writing some of the most beautiful psalms. Yet at times he doubted God’s love: “How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?” (Psalm 13:1 NIV).

Seems crazy, right?

If scriptural heroes are too lofty for you, how about the doubting Christians of contemporary history? Charles Spurgeon (1834–1892), one of history’s celebrated preachers, shared in his sermon The Desire of the Soul in Spiritual Darkness:

“I think, when a man says, ‘I never doubt,’ it is quite a time for us to doubt him, it is quite a time for us to begin to say, ‘Ah, poor soul, I am afraid you are not on the road at all, for if you were, you would see so many things in yourself, and so much glory in Christ more than you deserve, that you would be so much ashamed of yourself, as even to say, It is too good to be true.’”

 

If Spurgeon is too far removed from your world, consider one of the all-time most beloved Christian authors and thinker—and doubters—C.S. Lewis (1898-1963). “Faith, in the sense in which I am here using the word, is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted, in spite of your changing moods … That is why faith is such a necessary virtue: unless you teach your moods ‘where they get off,’ you can never be either a sound Christian or even a sound atheist.”

And the world was rocked when the sainted Mother Teresa (1910-1997) shared lament in letters to her spiritual advisors:

“Darkness is such that I really do not see—neither with my mind nor with my reason—the place of God in my soul is blank—There is no God in me—when the pain of longing is so great—I just long and long for God … Sometimes—I just hear my own heart cry out—‘My God’—and nothing else. The torture and pain I can’t explain.”

God doubters—all of them. Yet each one is remembered as a pillar of Christian faith. If doubt played such a dynamic part in the lives of these and other scriptural heavy-hitters, could doubt play a role—and then a purpose—in your life as well?

Is It Okay to Doubt God?

If life’s trials are often where doubt begins, does that automatically mean doubts are bad?

Not necessarily.

When you follow the progression of doubt, you’ll see it begins with a question (Did God really say? … How long, Lord? … Will you forget me forever?), then waits for a response.

It’s in the response that doubt either dies or flourishes.

 

Flourishing Doubt

I started doubting God the moment after I met Him. When I was a child and accepted Christ as my savior, I felt a bit disappointed. Shouldn’t I feel different inside? Maybe appear a bit more angelic? As one month rolled into another, I listened to my pastor’s sermons and paid close attention to other Christians, attempting to figure out what it took to “do Christian.” I heard their words and watched their actions, noting what I heard didn’t always match what I saw. Some points matched, yet discrepancies often glared. I witnessed a disparity between what I experienced and what the Bible said.

My questions weren’t the problem—children often spill over with questions—but they were enough to cause confusion because the explanations were enveloped in dissonance. When I saw mix-matched theology, I should have asked for clarification. A wiser person would have asked.

But I didn’t.

That’s when doubt crept in. Maybe God isn’t real. Or, if He is real, maybe He’s just not real for me. The more I pondered, the more serious the questions became.

If God is in control like the pastor said, then why are there starving children in China? Granted, my belly was full, yet there was news of a world that still struggled. My unaddressed doubt began to grow and fester. It didn’t take long before I chose to rely on my own sensibility—because it made sense. And that train of thought said it was best to walk away from God.

You may have doubts of your own. You may be facing a tragedy. If left unattended, your doubts may affect your faith. Doubts may eventually open the door to pain and darkness.

In Philip Yancey’s book The Question That Never Goes Away, Yancy tells of the time in 2012 when he traveled to Yugoslavia, then on to Sarajevo, and saw where East and West met. On one side of the street were beautiful sidewalk cafes and onion-domed buildings, such as those found in Vienna. When he looked on the other side of the street, he was reminded of his travels to Istanbul and all its tea shops and spice markets. Women were walking around wearing their niqabs in Sarajevo just as they did in Istanbul. He writes:

“From every corner of Sarajevo I heard ghostly echoes of the question that haunts human history: Why doesn’t God intervene? Why not take out Hitler before he turned on the Jews? Why not rescue Sarajevo after four days, not four years? ‘Ah, it is a strange world,’ said one of the characters in Chaim Potok’s My Name is Asher Lew. ‘Sometimes I think the Master of the Universe has another world to take care of, and He neglects this world, God forbid.’”.

There’s nothing wrong with doubt. Even the great minds, as noted earlier, suffer from it. But they don’t stop existing. They either keep searching for the answer or find peace in the fact that the answer isn’t for them to find.

Are There Consequences for Doubting God?

From the Old Testament through the New, you can find stories about people who doubted God. And if there were backlashes from doubting, you’d think we would have seen it. What we see, however, are consequences that didn’t manifest in doubting, but as a result of the actions taken because of their doubt. God didn’t punish Abraham and Sarah for their lack of belief regarding having children. Their problems came when they tried to control their situation by offering Sarah’s maidservant to Abraham (Genesis 21:9-11). It wasn’t the doubt that brought a backlash. It was their attempt to strip control from God that earned them consequences.

If God punished doubters in the New Testament, John the Baptist’s words could have earned him a mighty smiting (Matthew 11:2-3). To paraphrase John’s message to Jesus, Are you the Messiah? If not, get out of my way so I can wait for the one who is. Jesus didn’t punish him for his declaration. He shouted His love for John to the crowd around Him (Matthew 11:7-14).

We see in Scripture how God not only blesses when someone doubts, but He blesses them in their doubts. Read the story of Gideon in Judges 6. While his doubt drove him to thresh his wheat in a winepress (v. 11), the Lord saw his value as a mighty warrior (v. 12) and someone who could lead Israel from the Midianites (v. 14). Gideon’s response? No, not me (v. 15).

Yet God blessed him and gave him the strength he needed.

And what did Gideon do? He still needed confirmation from God.

‘“I will place a wool fleece on the threshing floor. If there is dew only on the fleece and all the ground is dry, then I will know that you will save Israel by my hand, as you said.’ And that is what happened. Gideon rose early the next day; he squeezed the fleece and wrung out the dew—a bowlful of water. Then Gideon said to God, ‘Do not be angry with me. Let me make just one more request. Allow me one more test with the fleece, but this time make the fleece dry and let the ground be covered with dew.’” That night God did so. Only the fleece was dry; all the ground was covered with dew” (Judges 6: 37-40 NIV).

Doubt doesn’t have to be a bad thing. It’s how we handle it that matters.

Overcoming Doubt

Have you thrown this book across the room yet? If so, no worries. I’ve thrown a few books myself. This book is not a fixer, and your tragic situation may still loom. But your response to what you’ve read may be the beginning of a new way of looking at life. Are you stuck in this chapter? You may want to revisit Chapter Two and dig a bit deeper into why you can’t move forward.  Take whatever time you need and re-read what you wrote.

The times I doubted God most was when life moved in a direction I didn’t choose. Like times when I had too much month and not enough money. Or when a perfect job I applied for went to someone else. Or when I was told I may only have ten more days to live.

My focus spotlighted loss.

 

And you. What are you doubting? Your marriage? Job choice? Whether life is worth living?

God knew we’d have a difficult time with doubt. I’m thankful for the gift found in James 1 that offers us a new view of calamity. The second verse begins the passage, “My brothers and sisters, you will have many kinds of trouble. But this gives you a reason to be happy” (James 1:2 NIV). If you’d prefer to hear from Jesus himself, “Go back and report to John what you hear and see: The blind receive sight, the lame walk, those who have leprosy are cleansed, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the good news is proclaimed to the poor” (Matthew 11:4-5 NIV).

To overcome doubt, we must reach beyond our circumstances to appreciate that He has a plan. Reflect over His presence in your life. See His past faithfulness. Why then wouldn’t He be faithful now? If there is nothing you can see in your past to remind you of God’s faithfulness, ponder over what you can rely on—God’s promises. Here are a few:

“Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you”

(Hebrews 13:5 NIV).

 

 

“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness”

(Lamentations 3:22-23 NIV).

 

 

“Neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord”

(Romans 8:38-39 NIV).

 

 

Feelings of doubt have power when we allow them to rule. But the knowledge of Christ and His Word is everlasting. To get answers, you must ask the questions.

Why did this happen to me?

Know that God understands your pain and welcomes your questions, even if they come in the form of yells and rants. He yearns for your attention and prefers even the screaming over a relationship full of icy silence. David reminded God of his pain: “Record my misery; list my tears on your scroll—are they not in your record?” (Psalm 56:8 NIV).

We can remind Him of our pain too.

Need more proof that God wants to hear your woes? David cuts loose on Him in another Psalm, “Have mercy on me, Lord, for I am faint; heal me, Lord, for my bones are in agony. My soul is in deep anguish. How long, Lord, how long? … I am worn out from my groaning. All night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears. My eyes grow weak with sorrow; they fail because of all my foes” (Psalm 6:3, 6-7).

Doubt can be a killer, but it doesn’t have to be. Choose to focus on what is true: God loves you and He’s right there with you. He’s with you now. Share your doubts. He’s big … He can handle it.

 

For clarification, I accepted Christ as my savior when I was a child, but he didn’t become Lord of my life until I was an adult.

Growing up in the 1950s, the go-to tear-jerking anecdote was always about the starving children in China.

I warned that you may need to walk away from it for a moment to gain an honest assessment of your true feelings.

If you thought this was going to be an easy beach read, you picked the wrong book. You are in the fight of your life. A fight to see beyond your pain and find what God has waiting for you. Don’t give up!

Spurgeon, Charles, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_Sprugeon, (March 20, 2017).

The Spurgeon Archive, https://www.spurgeon.org/resource-library/sermons/the-desire-of-the-soul-in-spiritual-darkness#flipbook/,(Maech 20, 2017).

Lewis, C.S., http://www.cslewis.com/us/about-cs-lewis/, (March 20, 2017).

Lewis, C.S., Mere Christianity (C.S. Lewis Pte. Ltd., 1952) p.140-142.

Mother Teresa, Come Be My Light: The Private Writings of the “Saint of Calcutta”. Ed. Brian Kolodiejchuk (New York: Doubleday, 2007): 1-2.

Yancey, Philip, The Question that Never Goes Away (Grand Rapides, MI: Zondervan, 2013), 82.

Potok: Chaim, My Name is Asher Lev (New York: Alfred Knopf, 1972), 114.

Share Your God’s Best Story

[image error]The feedback on God’s Best has been tremendous, with almost everyone saying,

“Boy, do I have a story for you.”

That got me thinking…if my story offered encouragement, other stories can as well.

Do you have a story you want to share about experiencing God’s best during your worst moments—your greatest trials of life? I’d love to hear it!

Follow the Share My Story link for details.

God’s Best During Your Worst: A Preview

I’m excited thrilled to share with you the first chapter of my latest book, God’s Best During Your Worst (Bold Vision Books), launching March 12th. Watch for it! Grab a copy and let’s talk about it!

[image error] Chapter One
Moment of Truth

Journal entry: Saturday, April 2, 2011, 2:30 a.m.

I arrived at the hospital last night by ambulance. The waiting areas were crazy-busy with people everywhere. Gurneys and wheelchairs lined the hallways—each holding patients with a variety of ailments.

Wish they could change emergency room smells. They are always the same: a mixture of antiseptics, urine, and vomit.

See you upstairs honey,” I called over my shoulder as I headed to bed. “And don’t forget to set up the bikes.” Deciding to marry again after so many years of being single was one of the best decisions I’d ever made. Lew brought balance to my life. His motto: work hard, but remember to play.

Our Friday dinner-out ritual gave us the opportunity to talk and laugh. We usually chose a secluded restaurant booth. There, we’d shake off the tensions of the week, his as a business analyst and mine an executive assistant to a college vice president. Our goal was to pull our focus forward.

The weather report offered the promise of perfect weather—no rain in sight—for a bike ride the next morning, so a good night’s sleep was a priority. Under the covers, I snuggled into the pillows, smooshing the fluff of the down into a just-right position. Lew lagged behind to check on our pets, set out our bikes, and lock the doors.

God had blessed me with a wonderful life. A perfect life. As I waited for my husband and held the edge of my pillow, I realized my right hand clung tight. It wouldn’t let go—couldn’t let go.

This is odd.

Stretched out on my side, I squinted in the dim light at my hand. I saw my fingers curled, clenching the feathery pillow in a death grip.

What a whopper of a cramp.

I skootched onto my left elbow. With my free hand, I tried to pry my right fingers open. They would not release. Even as I tugged, there was no pain from my clenched hold, but loosening its grasp proved to be impossible.

After several moments, I gave a yank and jerked the pillow out of my grip. That’s when my hand began moving on its own, slowly twisting outward. Moments later, my arm began to bend, first at the wrist then contorting, rotating away from my body.

A pitiful wisp of air escaped my lips in a pathetic attempt to scream. Excruciating pain seared through me. Still my arm twisted, spastic and palsied. Terrified, I thought I would soon hear bones snap. Nothing relieved my pain or the contortions.

What’s wrong with me? Am I having a stroke? Am I going to die? Is God bringing me home?

Sounds of Lew’s steps tapped on the hallway floor outside our room. The instant he walked in, I made eye contact and silently pleaded for help. Shock registered on his face. He rushed to my side and tried to open my grip and straighten my arm.

“Call 9-1-1,” I gasped a rough, airy noise.

The words had barely escaped my lips when my entire body began flailing, resembling a toy controlled by some insane puppeteer.

After Lew made a quick call to 9-1-1, he knelt at my side, watching and waiting for the seizure to pass. After what felt like an eternity, the twitching and thrashing waned. My arm relaxed. My breathing became less labored. Lew carefully pulled me close. We held each other, willing our fear away.

Reflections of flashing ambulance lights glowed through the window and pulsated against the bedroom wall.

I’ll be fine now. Help is here.

Dead Weight

When the EMTs entered the bedroom, they immediately checked my vitals.

“Your pulse and heart rate are racing a bit, Mrs. Luftig, but that’s to be expected,” one of them said offhandedly. “Your body is reacting to trauma.” Neither of the medical team appeared alarmed, so I began to relax.

Slowly, I regained my voice. The EMTs and I maintained a strained level of small talk while they continued their examination. They wrapped a blood pressure cuff on my right arm, noted a higher than normal elevation in my blood pressure, and attributed it to my body’s response to the trauma.

Once the EMT removed the cuff, however, my arm dropped onto the bed. Instantly their demeanor changed. Chatter stopped. They began working in double-time. One of them snatched the sheets off me and reached for my legs.

“Can you wiggle your toes?” he asked. My left foot responded, but my right foot remained motionless.

“Move your right leg, Mrs. Luftig.”

Again, no response.

A deep dread washed over me. “I don’t understand.” Strangers stood in my bedroom, but I had little time or inclination to concern myself with clothes draped over the chair or other housekeeping faux pas. This was all business.

“Grasp my hands; use both of them. Reach for me.”

My left fingers reached effortlessly toward him, but my right arm and hand remained motionless.

Dead weight.

I willed my arm to move. I tried to wiggle my fingers—the fingers that had just moments ago resembled curled talons—even tried to move my legs and wriggle my toes, but the right side of my body refused to cooperate.

Realization hit hard—my right side was paralyzed.

The EMTs wasted no time. They expertly moved me onto the gurney and rushed me to the ambulance.

As I entered the hospital, an ER nurse assigned me to a private curtained room, where Lew and I attempted to comfort each other. To make sense of the paralysis and seizure.

“Good evening, Mrs. Luftig,” Dr. Rupen Modi said as he threw back the curtain, entering my room. “What brings you here today?” His kind demeanor calmed me, and I immediately felt at peace.

This man will find out what’s wrong. I’ll be just fine.

After Dr. Modi’s initial evaluation of my symptoms and multiple questions, he shared his conclusion.

“Seems you’ve suffered a mini-stroke. People have them more times than you think,” he said. “It may be something you’ll learn to deal with.”

It was as if all the air left the room. The thought of never knowing when I could experience the same loss of control stole my breath.

“I don’t know what I just experienced,” I said through tears, “but there’s no way I can learn to live with that. There has to be a reason for what happened!”

Moment of Truth

Dr. Modi ordered an MRI (Magnetic Resonance Imaging), and I willed myself to relax. We waited for the results.

By 4 a.m. I had regained control on my right side, with only a veiled numbness lingering on my right-hand fingertips.

Even with the intruding lights and hectic noises from the nurses’ station outside our curtained hideout, Lew and I dozed as we awaited the end to this nightmare.

We roused when Dr. Modi returned to my room, ashen-faced, eyes focused on the floor, not looking to either Lew or me. He walked to the right side of my bed and placed two pieces of paper face down beside me. He then lifted his gaze to meet mine.

“I’m so sorry, Mrs. Luftig,” he said in a soft voice as he reached for my hand, stroking the top of it ever so gently, “You have a tumor on your brain.”

What?

“The tests show you experienced a massive seizure. Right now, we’re quite sure the tumor caused it—”

Tumor?

“You did not suffer a mini-stroke as we first thought—”

I have a tumor?

“It’s much more serious. The tumor on your brain is about the size of a man’s fist—”

A brain tumor?

“We’ll schedule you with a neurosurgeon later today—”

I can’t have a brain tumor.

“My colleagues and I are relatively confident the surgeon will order more tests, but my guess is you’ll need surgery within a week or two. This is not my area of expertise—I’m an emergency medicine doctor.” He raked his hair with his fingers. “And I don’t know neurology’s surgical schedule.” He picked up the pictures and stared at them. “But I know this much. You must remove that tumor before it causes any more damage. Don’t hold me to it, but you’re probably looking at surgery in ten days.”

Ten days? You can’t be serious. Is this a joke?

Lew and I stared at each other, then turned back to the doctor.

“What are you saying? I can’t have a tumor on my brain. There must be some mistake. I’ve been fine.” I willed my declaration to make it so.

With that, Dr. Modi picked the two papers from the bed and handed them to me. They were two black-and-white MRI scanned images. From the side and back views, the bones of my skull glowed white against the black film. I easily located the dark areas of my eye socket and sinus cavity. Behind them sat the folds and wrinkles of my brain.

Then I spotted it.

My tumor.

Amidst the brain matter, a light gray mass more than twice the size of my eye socket was adhered to my skull. Studying the second image—a posterior view of my skull—I realized the tumor filled approximately a quarter of the area meant for my brain.

I began to cry.

Lew, who had been sitting in a chair on my left, rose and gently pulled the two pictures from me. He wrapped his fingers around mine, comforting me the best he could. From his expression, I knew he could not comprehend the news that had just assaulted us.

“Mrs. Luftig, can I get the hospital chaplain for you? A priest or maybe a pastor?”

Priest? Pastor? I don’t need them, I need …

“Dr. Modi,” I said. “Are you a man of faith?”

The expression on his face changed from serious concern to peaceful reflection.

“Yes, as a matter of fact I am,” he said smiling. “I called out to God a few months past. He was there, waiting for me.” The doctor paused, as if remembering an earlier time.

He continued, “I know God well. That’s why I asked if you’d prefer to share this news and pray with someone.”

“Please, Dr. Modi, I’m not interested in finding a priest or hospital chaplain to pray with me. I want you to pray for me.”

That was odd.

Here I lay in a hospital bed, facing the greatest fear I had ever known, and I asked the doctor, a man I’d met only a few hours earlier, to pray for me.

Sweet Presence

A profound sense of peace washed over my tiny, curtained ER room. With Lew and Dr. Modi on opposite sides of my bed, we reached out a free hand to one another. Uncertainty loomed. Yet an unmistakable, almost palpable, presence of God pressed in.

“Dear heavenly Father,” I whispered. “Thank You for being the God above all gods. Thank You for the blessings You have bestowed on me today. I know the stars hang in the heavens because You put them there. You make the sun rise in the East. Your Word tells me that You knew me before I took form in my mother’s bell and even know the hairs on my head.”

Pausing, I took a breath and continued with timid confidence.

“Father, I know this tumor is no surprise to You. I know You have been aware of the day, hour, and moment I would have my seizure. I know You were even there in my bedroom when I thought I was dying.”

Tears streamed my cheeks, yet I continued.

“I know what I know, Lord, but I have to say I’ve never been this afraid before. Have You forgotten me? Please help me.” I squeezed Lew’s hand. “Father, I’m afraid and confused. Please stay close. Amen.”

After moments of silence and with a raspy voice, thick from holding back tears, Lew prayed.

“Heavenly Father, we love and honor You. Please, give me back my wife.”

All he had was this one bold prayer. Yet in his shock, he still honored God.

“Dear God,” Dr. Modi offered his part of our group prayer with a quiet voice. “Thank You for Your provisions that fill our day. I pray You bless Robin. Help her trust You through this process and after. Amen.”

We let go of one another’s grasp. I became cognizant of the voices and clamoring noises beyond the curtain. I could feel the sweet presence of God in the still air around us. A profound serenity washed over me. That’s when I heard four words from deep in my heart. Words I had heard weeks earlier.

Do you trust Me?

In a flash, I recalled the moment in the car weeks earlier when I’d heard God speak those words.

Now, I may only have ten days until surgery … less than two weeks to accomplish everything I hoped to accomplish, experience everything I yearned to experience, and say everything I wanted to say to those who needed to hear from me.

Though Dr. Modi deferred the responsibility of giving me a more in-depth assessment of my condition to the neurosurgeon, it was glaringly obvious he didn’t say I’d be just fine. He gave no guarantee I would make it through surgery, let alone have a life beyond it. And if I did survive the surgery, there were no promises of what type of life I would lead.

Lew leaned over the padded bedrail to give me a kiss. His breath smelled of stale coffee. I must have been a bit pungent myself. Fear and adrenaline coated my skin. My tongue tried to wet my parched mouth. I had to be satisfied with ice chips. I don’t even have the luxury of smelling of stale coffee.

It didn’t matter. Nothing really mattered. I may die soon. I took in a deep breath and tried to focus.

In those early morning hours, my mind raced, seeking out the promises of God’s trustworthiness. One thought stood front and center: Do you trust Me?

Memories of rich experiences throughout my life faded. This was the motherlode—my moment of truth.

I may only have ten days to live, and I needed to know if I believed God was trustworthy. Was my faith strong enough? Could I believe that His umbrella of protection would be enough to keep me safe from life’s tragedies? From death? From being less than I was?

It’s Just You and Me Now

Tragedy comes in many shapes and sizes. It can come in an instant or seep into your life like a slow, constant drip. Without warning, that drip turns to a tsunami, destroying everything in its path.

In the space at the end of this chapter, write about what happened to you. Get it on paper. If you need extra space, find more sheets and fold them in between these pages. Hold nothing back.

Fearful about being honest? Don’t be. If necessary, hide this book from onlookers. If you seek God’s best during your worst, you must express your worst situation in all its details. Secrets don’t keep you safe, they keep you in bondage. Risk it. Trust that God is waiting with an umbrella to protect you from the elements you are experiencing.

Don’t be polite or sugarcoat your words. Your worst—the tragedies that control a portion of your world—deserve an honest stare-down.

Take all the time you need. I’ll wait.

~~~~~~~~

I’d love to hear from you … I hope you enjoyed the first chapter. You can find God’s Best During Your Worst on Amazon.

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God’s Best During Your Worst: Trust

[image error]If you want to clean the Worst out of your life, you will need to trust the Creator. Scripture often tells us we are never out of God’s guiding hand, even if we feel forgotten.

God often asks us to trust what we cannot see. What does that mean? What do you not see–but would like to–that you can ask God for?

God’s Best During Your Worst (Bold Vision Books) will be available this Spring.