P.A. Wilson's Blog, page 20

Is it hot? experiencing the real

Is it hot? Is it cold? This video that Laughing Squid shared made me think of all the ways we experience things that are unreal.

While we might laugh at the overreaction, it is cold for them.

Is it hot?

My friend is always hot and it gets worse as she ages. She will state ‘it is hot’, when it’s only 15 degrees (59 for our Fahrenheit friends). The reality of the temperature isn’t the point. The experience is. For our L.A. friends who likely don’t have much more than a sheet on their beds, it’s cold and they aren’t prepared for a cold night’s sleep.

In most temperate climates, you will see a wide range of clothing displayed on a cool winter afternoon. On the same sidewalk, you can see people in boots, scarves and heavy coats walking alongside people in shorts, tee-shirts and sandals.

What does this mean for the reader or writer?

Over at Story Wonk, Lani is fond of saying “reality is no excuse for bad storytelling”.  It means that saying ‘it really happened’ doesn’t make it true. Truth in a story is not about facts, it’s about emotional punch. If an author sticks only to the facts, the story won’t carry the emotional punch. If the author finds the truth of the story, the core emotions, then the facts needed to tell the story will fall into place.

The difference between truth and fact

On a day where the temperature drops just below freezing we have multiple truths and multiple stories.

A story told in L.A., might revolve around the truth of a long and hopeless future. One where winter comes and doesn’t leave.

Told in Juneau Alaska, it could be a dystopian future where the world has warmed beyond human endurance and we all live below ground in temperature controlled environments.

For my friend, it could be a story of the relief found in a cool day. For me, a story of buying a new light winter coat.

The great stories don’t sit in a world where the temperature is chilly. They don’t rely on people’s perception of cold, they make it unbearable. Is it hot? Well, at 59 degrees it’s hard to say. But is it hot at 115? At 135? The reader gets a very different experience when the temperature rises.

The bottom line?

For writers, even memoir writers, it’s important to recognize that you are telling a story, not giving evidence. Documentaries are edited for story – reality TV is mainly written and in no way reality. If you want to entertain or educate your reader, make sure you draw them through the story.

For readers, it’s about you. The story is written for your enjoyment. For every science fiction reader who blasts the author for ‘unrealistic’ science, there’s a fan who just accepts the rules of the story.

The answer to the question, is it hot?, is just another question. Do you feel the heat?

A quick announcement

Book 3 of the Madeline Journeys is available as a Kindle book.

Madeline’s home is threatened by a magical assault from the faraway City, intent on destroying the heir to the Summer Lands. There she must go, if she is to finally put the past to rest.

Help is easily offered by newfound friends – Regis, a human mage, and Springheart, an elf wanderer. But who can Madeline really trust in a City where trust is bought and sold, and even her magic begins to fail her?

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Creativity, ideas become stories

Where do you get your ideas? The question all authors get asked at some time or other. Creativity is what turns the overheard comment into a story.

The source of ideas is a bit of nosy and a bit of creativity

It took me a while to understand this about my creative process, but I get my ideas from everywhere. I overhear a snippet of conversation, I engage in a discussion, or I see a flash of an image and my mind starts to build the possibilities. Is that woman really going to kill that guy? If we lived in an economy of plenty, would we survive as a species? If I had access to a 3D printer, could I print a cup of Earl Grey tea? Creativity is the question we apply to the idea.

I’m not sure how other writers work, but that’s how it works for me. This evening I participated in a new Meet-up and I  had a few ideas come up from conversations about economics and engineering and Star Trek. It was an eclectic Meet-up.

Will all the ideas turn into books?

That’s a great question. The answer is no. I have so many ideas I don’t have the lifetime to write them all out. The process is also about weeding out the great ideas that won’t sustain a book. Or using the creative energy to twist and pull at the idea until it will fit into a story.

That’s the answer to the ‘where do you get all the ideas’ question. And today that’s the post. I’m releasing A Twist of Power, the 3rd book in the Madeline Journeys today.

I’m up to my elbows in uploading and checking and watching the process. I’ll throw the announcement up when it’s available on on the ebook retailers, but if you can’t wait, here’s the link to Smashwords. This time Madeline is fighting to save her friend’s home amid a city of strangers and old enemies.

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Energy, where do you get yours?

Energy is something that we all need. It’s what gets us going and helps in that final push to success. Do you know where you get that boost? Are you an introvert or an extrovert?

There are a number of tests you can find on-line to discover whether you get your energy from others or from self. The ones based on Myers Briggs testing are fairly accurate. These test come in many flavors, personality, communication style, leadership style.

The thing to remember is we all get this kind of energy from within. What flicks the switch from tired to party mode is different.

Energy and the introvert

In this definition of an introvert, we’re not talking about the shy wallflower who would rather put pins in her eyes than talk in public. We’re talking about people who get refreshed and energized from time on their own.  You might think that writers are all introverts. You might be surprised how many of the authors you know are actually extroverts.  You also might be surprised how many entertainers are introverts.

Let’s take a look at how an introvert gets through their day.  A good day for an introvert will include time alone. If their schedule has them running from meeting to event to family dinner, they are going to be exhausted. The fact that they are in ‘public’ all day will drain their energy.

For the introvert, a five minute break alone can restore them enough to keep going like the Energizer Bunny.

The extrovert and energy

An extrovert actually gets energized by being with people. They get a buzz from the conversations and can party all night long. To be clear, they don’t suck the energy from anyone around them, they just access their own energy by being with people (no vampires needed).

Does that mean every public speaker is an extrovert? No, I think you’ll find the extroverts are more represented in the entertainment field, but there are plenty of introverts in show business.

How does the extrovert get through their day? Contact with people. If an extrovert has to spend time researching something alone in a cubicle, they will be worn out by the end of the day. With no one to interact with and spark that energy, they just get drained.

This is one of the challenges in open offices. When introverts and extroverts have to work together in an open office environment, the introverts will start posting ‘good cubicle behavior’ and the extroverts will blithely ignore them.

The tip for today

If you are feeling like you’re used up at the end of your day, you might just need a five minute recharge. If you don’t know how you get energized, try an on-line test and see if knowing your ‘troversion’ helps.

I’m an introvert (most people who know me are surprised by that). I know that if I am around people all day, I won’t be able to do anything creative unless I take some quiet time to energize.

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Resolve, how to get through the hard stuff

When we set goals or resolutions, there comes a time when good intentions won’t do the job. Resolve is needed to get through the change in behavior. The hard stuff can come in the form of challenges, or boredom, or something being too easy.

It’s a little under a week into the year, are you starting to lose focus?

Resolve is an active tool

When things get foggy, it’s easy to become inactive and put aside your goals. If you have a lot of work, where does the gym fit in? If you have a deadline to meet, where do you find time for creativity?

In the fog of life, resolve keeps us balanced, It’s easy to just not go to the gym today because I’m busy, it’s easy to grab a burger because I’m traveling. It’s easy to not write another few pages of the book because I’m tired – and that just might be because I’m not going to the gym and I’m eating burgers.

In an effort to keep myself on track, I’ll give you this tip – when it gets hard to focus on everything, take a step back and just find a few minutes to regain your focus. It’s amazing how that helps me when I have to many tasks on my plate.

Resolve and persistence a marriage made in a bird feeder

Life doesn’t always have to be about big goals. Our little squirrel is persistent and resolved to get what he wants. If you know anything about squirrels, you know they get what they want eventually every time; whether that’s birdseed, into your attic, or the knobs off the barbeque.

Is there something about your goals or resolutions that is frustrating you? Try to think of them a little differently and maybe you’ll make headway.

Almost any achievement has a boring phase

The always popular weight loss is famous for the boring places. Your body does not consume calories on a straight line. Anyone who has tried to lose more than 10 pounds knows that you’ll eat the same thing two days in a row and day one you’ll lose a little weight, but day two you won’t.

Taking a long view can get you through the plateaus. A long view is that visualization of you in a different state; with the 20lbs gone, or with the perfect outfit on.

Another tip I’ve found helpful is to have more than one thing to do. I mean unrelated goals. Not quit smoking and lose weight – one demon at a time is easier than the entire apocalyptic army at once. I mean have at least two things you want to do that will allow you to see progress in one when the other is dragging. Choose something that is in your control. Lose weight and learn French. Get fit and write a book. Quit smoking and learn photography. The important thing is to choose one thing you can control more than the other.

The final word – for this post at least

When it starts to get difficult, giving up is only one of your options. Apply a little resolve and see if it gets you a step or two further along the path to your goal.

 

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Control: can you take your life back? Or is it a case of Gods laughing?

Control of our lives is something we are supposed to strive for, but is it really possible to take control and do what you think is important? Is it just a case of making the Gods (or God whatever you believe) laugh?

Making plans means taking control

Is there another reason to take control? Maybe, but let’s talk about the need to take control if you want to get something done and can’t find the time. Hmm, writers have this problem all the time – finding time to write.

It’s like there’s a pocket of time out there and if only you could find it, everything would get done. We know that’s not real – if you don’t know that, please give me a call when you find the time.

If it was only about time, why would we need the word priority?

There are stories about successful executives who only do the top three things on their daily to-do and that’s it. There are articles about how to use your time more effectively. Some good tips on using less energy to get things done in this HBR article. And some great ideas in this article form John Murphy International about how to get things done when you’ve prioritized the list of things you have to do.

So if it is really only about time, you can find what you need with a simple Google search.

It’s about priorities and control over when you say yes

A big challenge for everyone is to say no. Control over what you do starts with that two letter word. How many of us feel as though we are able to say no? Is it considered selfish? Is it bad manners?

With all the baggage attached to no, perhaps we can flip it around and decide what we will yes to.  Being positive about what you agreed to do gives you a sense of control. Just taking on a task, or duty, or whatever, is the fastest way to get snowed under with to-dos.

Practice the yes, and it can make it easier for your to get out the no.

Look at your list, and decide what you’ll do in the next couple of hours

I know this is hard when you have a list from your boss – will you lose your job by not doing something at work? Or from your family – will they still love you if you don’t make your famous cupcakes? Or your kids – will they grow up to be ‘normal’ people if you don’t take them skiing?

The key is that you need to decide what you have to do. Then you look at the potential downside. I tend to move things around my calendar to manage the priorities on my daily list. I ask myself these three questions.

Does this really need to be done? if yes, go to question 2, if no, delete if from the list
Does it need to be done now? If yes, do it. If no, reschedule it and go to question 3
Do I want to do this? If yes, do it now! if no, do it right after you do something you want to do

My biggest downfall is the things I do for myself

If this relates to you, it can be as simple as not finding time to get a haircut, or as complex as not valuing your needs. I’m going to give you a tip based on the easier end of that scale – I’m not qualified to help people at the other end.

For me this is writing. It’s on the end of my list every day. I get to it, but it’s an evening activity. I went through a stage where it didn’t get done at all. At that point, I had to reassess why I wrote. I had defined it as something I wanted to do and really that wasn’t right. I needed to do it, I have lots of stories that need to be told. And I wasn’t doing it for myself any longer – I had readers. So now, I had a different understanding of the priority. It’s still an evening activity, but I rarely have an evening when I don’t do some writing.

The tip for today

Look at all the things you have to do. Look at all the things you want to do.  Pick the top two from each list and schedule them to be done. Then do them.

Feel like you had some control?

 

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Gratitude, turn it inward

I think the end of a year is as good a time as any to think about what makes us feel grateful. Gratitude is a full circle concept for me. I have to remember to be thankful for things I do for myself, as well as the external aspects of life.

The external thanks

Many of us take the time to thank people at the time they do something. Some of us take that time every week in church, some every year at Thanksgiving. It is considered good manners to say thank you.

If expressing gratitude to others is considered good manners, why is it considered bad to express gratitude to yourself? Is it considered bragging?

The internal thanks

When you thank yourself for your skills, your outlook, your whatever, I think you reinforce the best aspects of yourself. If you focus on what you like about yourself, the things you don’t like will fade to the background.

It takes time and practice and it’s not something we necessarily feel right doing. It is a step on the path to an optimistic outlook. As an optimist, I think this is a wonderful outlook. Of course, some people are going to like their pessimistic outlook. No one is judging – okay some people are, but do you really care?

Self Gratitude

Should we all start the day with an affirmation? I have to admit that doesn’t appeal to me. I know people who do affirmations and they find power and change in the repetition of their goals, their values, their commitments. It just doesn’t work for me.

Gratitude exercised – my version

I do two things to feel grateful for who and what I am. I congratulate myself on learning things or achieving things. No big fanfare, just a quiet mental ‘job well done’. No buts, no qualifiers. It reminds me that old dogs may not be able to learn new tricks, but old people can if they want to.

The other thing I do is thank my inner critic. As a writer I have this little voice inside that tells me how bad the writing is as I type. I spent years arguing with that voice. One day I just said, “thanks”; now I can get on with the good stuff”.  The voice got a little quieter.

Because I’m a human being, that same voice is happy to tell me what I can’t do, what I’m afraid of doing, what I shouldn’t do.  I still don’t argue. I just think ‘thanks for the information’. Then I decide whether I’m going to deal with it or not. For example, I don’t see the need to spend any energy getting over my fear of spiders. I don’t encounter them often so a scare now and then isn’t a bad thing. And sometimes I decide to just go ahead. Like the time my voice said, you can’t be an author.

Can you stop believing everything you tell yourself?

It’s a big step. It’s about taking control of your outlook. Here’s the secret I learned. That little voice isn’t yours. It’s the distillation of what you think other people believe about you. Kids believe they can do anything. Somewhere along the line, that belief gets taken away.

The bottom line

When life throws crap at you, thank it for the fertilizer.

Here’s an article over at Reader’s Digest about David Hochman who practiced a month of gratitude.

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Carrying on through the changes

I am waiting for the new WordPress upgrade to heal. The great new media upload doesn’t work in my themes. It’s being fixed, I have all kinds of faith. What it made me think of was how we don’t seem to have a way to reach comfort on with the social aspect of the virtual world. When things go sideways, is carrying on the right strategy, or is there a time when we need to reassess and decide it’s not worth it? Whatever it is.

WordPress

The recent upgrade has turned my view of my posts into something resembling a 1980′s forum post. No headings work, no images get uploaded, no links can be created. Basically I see the text view, not the visual. Everything I’ve learned about SEO attention is out the window unless I learn how to write in HTML. Okay, I could do that, but since this has happened to both of my sites, and they have different themes, so I prefer to have my excellent web magician, Claire, do her thing and fix me.

There is an upside. My posts take so little time now because I’m not searching for images.

When I sat down today to write this blog, I wondered if it was worth it. Without all the bells and whistles, would people be interested, and would they find me? The answer was easy to get. I wrote a blog post over at Perry A Wilson Consulting, and the site hits were about the same as before. So I decide carrying on is the way to go. I’ll go back to the bells and whistles when they are reattached.

Facebook

This is a slightly different thing. For the second time in as many months, my author page doesn’t give me my news feed. So I can’t like, share or comment on the posts of people I like. A bit of a self fulfilling prophecy here. If I can’t be social, who will be social back?

In an ironic twist, when I first posted the notice that I couldn’t see the feeds, I got a popup that told me I could pay a fee and have the post promoted. Hmm, pay for something that I don’t know is working when the free piece doesn’t work periodically and there’s no way to get support. No thanks. I continually wonder if Facebook is worth carrying on as something other than a personal site.

The difference in my opinion

Why do I think WordPress is worth it?

Three key points.

1 – they are a tool for my platform, not a platform

2 – I can tell if something is working or not

3 – I can rely on the fact that if I learn to do something, it will always work.

An example is the SEO without pictures, links, or headings – carrying on is going to get me results.

Why do I think that Facebook is not necessarily worth it?

Three key points.

1 – lots of rules that make sure I’m valuable to them – as a data cluster

2 – no real way of knowing if I’m being successful in the learning curve

3 – restrictions on what and who I see. If I am friends with someone, I want to see what they have to say, not what Facebook deems as the portion of information I should get.

The bottom line

Thinking back to high school, which is rampant with examples for life.

Facebook is the cool kids, they decide who is allowed within the circle, who’s cool enough to hang out at the party. As long as everyone sees them as the cool kid, they are successful (unlike high school this is a problem. Social media sites come and go).

WordPress is the caterer or DJ (dating myself?). They support the cool kids, they don’t define them. They don’t judge, or restrict you.

I’ll still keep working with Facebook, but I have to say when it doesn’t work, I don’t much care. I can always get my message out. I do miss the messages of my friends, but most of them are also with me on Twitter or Google+ or my personal Facebook pages.

Have a great New Year

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Satisfied, does it equal happiness

We hear that the key to happiness is to be satisfied with what you have. It’s the time of year when some parents are desperate to get that perfect present. It makes me think about happiness. Will getting the latest toy mean your children will grow up happy and well-adjusted?

Temporary happiness

I think we all know that the latest toy will likely bring the appearance of happiness to your child. And for a few hours or a few days or maybe a month, they’ll play with the toy and enjoy it. Eventually, they’ll tire of it or something newer will come along.

There is nothing wrong with feeding the need for immediate joy. Life is filled with reasons for delaying gratification. Some reasonable, some not so reasonable. I think we all get that buzz of temporary happiness and don’t need it to continue. The buzz from chocolate is more seductive because it doesn’t last.

Satisfied, the new happiness?

Let’s think about this. If you are satisfied with what you have, I think you will be happy. If you don’t have dreams because you are satisfied, how long with it last?

As humans we are a striving species. It shows in our drive to explore and to change. Realizing our dreams pushes us beyond our comfort zone. A certain amount of dissatisfaction with what we had drove us to the Moon, and Mars.

I think we’re looking for a new aspect of satisfied, than just ‘be happy with what you have”. The TEDtalk by Dan Gilbert talks about the science of happiness. I suggest that wanting more can be a step toward happiness.

Be satisfied and dissatisfied

Yes, if you are only dissatisfied with your lot in life, you won’t be happy. If you can find a way to be satisfied with what you have and still see a place where life can be better, you have a solid base from which to launch yourself toward your dreams.

This is the difference between being satisfied and settling.

Things that don’t usually lead to happiness

This is my list. Go ahead and leave your own list in the comments, or wherever you read this.

Buying everything your child wants – in my experience it just raises the bar on demands
Winning the lottery – I think it’s what you do with the money, not that you have it
Fame – a tricky one. Fame handled well is so rare. I think it’s more about your happiness before you get famous than about the fame
Marriage – getting married because it’s expected is more likely to get you in the wrong marriage than a happy one

Merry whatever you celebrate – even if it’s a few days off work.

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We do know how to drive in snow

Okay, the last two days we’ve had snow in the Vancouver area, snow that sticks. It’s not much, but it can cause havoc. The reason is not what most people think, that we don’t know how to drive in snow, but that we don’t practice what we know.

Three rules for snow driving

1 – if you can avoid it, take the out

2 – have good tires

3 – drive slow and leave room

Why don’t we obey the rules?

Speaking for myself, it’s often because I want to get it over with. I get stressed about the other drivers and just at the end of the drive, I can get cocky.

For others, I think it’s about impatience and lack of experience. Not that inexperienced drivers are a problem. I’m talking about the experience of sliding out of control, or watching your car crash into an object knowing you can’t do anything about it.

Tires – who can afford to have 4 snow tires you might only need two three times a year? And even if you do, good luck getting them installed before you need them. I can’t argue with that, it’s why we have the other rule – don’t drive if you can avoid it.

Please enjoy your Christmas break – don’t add a car accident to your experience.

 

Simple answers don’t work for complex questions

Like so many people over the last few days I have watched the reactions to the shootings in America. I say shootings, because there are so many of them. Each of them is tragic, no matter how old or young, it’s a life cut short.

Knee jerk reactions

In countries like Canada we have gun control, and we have fewer accidental deaths and mass shootings. The war cry for gun control goes out as though it is just waiting for the opportunity. To be honest, I don’t like guns. They have no use other than to maim or kill. Yes, they don’t kill people, people do, but they don’t do anything else.

The problem I see with applying gun control as a solution is that guns don’t kill people. This is a complex societal woe that won’t stop simply by taking away the easiest tool.

Society and the killer

The US has a very specific ethic. I’m alright Jack, I don’t really care about you. This means you are on your own unless you can function in the world as defined by the successful. Yes, I know individuals have many different ethic, but the country presents itself this way.

The idea of success is defined by the event. Making money regardless of the costs to people and the environment is successful until the repercussions start. Using the ER as your healthcare works until someone dies in the waiting room. Enforcing democracy on the world is successful until your party loses an election.

No system is perfect. Some are just more cutthroat than others.

The control trifecta

Gun control will make it difficult to act on impulse, but it won’t have any affect on the other two aspects.

Impulse control. People with mental health problems like these killers have no impulse control. The post going around the internet from the Anarchist Soccer Mom talks about her person experiences with her son. She fears that one day he will act on the threats he makes. Her son has a mental illness and she is told to press charges so he can be put in jail. Is that a solution?

Emotional control. Even the most high maintenance person I know has enough emotional control to avoid taking a life. I don’t know anyone with a mental illness – or at least I don’t know anyone with an illness that would make them unmanageable.

Weapon control. I think of this as a better name for gun control. Weapon control can be used on guns, sarin gas, and nuclear bombs. Because some people equate access to weapons with freedom, we will always have access to weapons. It wouldn’t matter so much if we could deal with the lack of the other two control issues.

Final thoughts

If we choose to take care of each other, can we imagine a world where people with mental illnesses are helped rather than punished? A world where bullies wouldn’t exist because the bully would be helped as much as the victim. A world where children could go to school without fear of anything more than a pop quiz. I like to think humanity will get there one day, I despair of it happening in my lifetime.

I hope it goes without saying that my heart goes out to all the victims of these tragedies. The relatives of those who died, the relatives of those who killed, and the killers themselves. I hope we never hear of the Anarchist Soccer Mom’s son in headlines like we’ve seen in the last few days.