Roland Yeomans's Blog, page 13

APRIL 9TH -- OF PLAYBOY, MARK TWAIN, & SEX TOYS

 

"The interesting thing is how one guy, through living his own fantasies, is living out the fantasies of so many other people."
- Hugh Hefner

Twain here again.  

And old Hugh may well have been the happiest outlaw of them all ... up until the end when his fantasies turned into nightmares.

On this date in 1926, Hugh Hefner was born.  PLAYBOY was born in 1953 in Chicago. 

Both man and his magazine have been accused of the "pornification" of our culture,

especially with respectable authors, stars, and even scientists being interviewed in it.

Of course that pilgrim has it all backwards:

Now if you or any other really intelligent person were arranging the fairnesses and justices between man and woman,

 you give the man a one-fiftieth interest in one woman, and the woman a harem of men.

The other day, I read that gal's Laura Skandera-Trombley's article that I had a vibrator as a sex-toy of all things!

The mind boggles.

It's true I sent my secretary, Isabel Lyon, to buy one in New York for my stiff shoulders and sore lower back.

That gizmo could stop headaches, cure and limber lame and stiff backs --

It really was the essential key of osteopathy and kindred treatments.

Why, you can read in Miss Lyon's 1908 Date book:

"We got an electrical vibrating machine for the King [lovely girl knew my worth], in N.Y."

I mentioned that accusation toNikola Tesla in Meilori's the other night ...

 

And the poor man (he's stillalive by the way) started coughing so badly 

that Ratatoskr, the Asgardiansquirrel,  exclaimed, "Sammy, youmust give him mouth to mouth resuscitation!"

I turned to the prostrate man and drawled, "Nicola, old chum, you will be missed."

Luckily Toya passed by, dumped a glass of ice tea on my head, and commenced with the mouth to mouth.

I started to cough myself, but she just snorted, "You already dead, fool!"

After an eighteen-month apprenticeship, I received my steamboat pilot's license on yesterday's date but on this day in 1859, it was made official,

making good on my and every Hannibal river-boy’s pipedream:

"We had transient ambitions of other sorts, but they were only transient.

When a circus came and went, it left us all burning to become clowns;

the first negro minstrel show that came to our section left us all suffering to try that kind of life;

now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates.

These ambitions faded out, each in its turn; but the ambition to be a steamboat-man always remained."
(Life on the Mississippi)




I'm forced to choose "I" 'cause that blow-hard Hemingway is taking over tomorrow's post --

And you know what Author that rooster wants to choose for H! 

And he doesn't trust me to choose him today!!

Wise of him.  I would have chosen Homer -- 'cause when I listen to that Hemingway, and I have a cane in hand --

I just naturally want to hit a "homer!"

Being a ghost and all, I was able to eavesdrop on him below --
and I could swear this was what he said:

So I get to choose I to stand for John IRVING, author of THE WORLD ACCORDING TO GARP:

“If you care about something you have to protect it – If you’re lucky enough to find a way of life you love, you have to find the courage to live it.”
― John Irving,  A Prayer for Owen Meany 

APRIL 8TH -- A CRUSHING OF A DREAM LEADS TO A NEW PATH

 

The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven..” ―  John Milton , Paradise Lost

Ghost of Mark Twain here, saying about the above, "Ain't that the truth!"

Mary Pickford let me have the ghost of her little kitten to play with for a spell.  Lovely lady that one.

Now, on Roland's theme of Outlaws, there's Nathanael West’s Miss Lonelyhearts which was published on this day in 1933.

Why is that book an Outlaw one?

The oddball mix of distress, black comedy and religion in West’s “novel in the form of a comic strip” (his description) was highly praised by many critics,

but like his other books it was a flop with the public when it first appeared.


West was inspired to Miss Lonelyhearts by some of the characters he met through his job as night manager in a New York hotel,

(just like I was by the group of scoundrels I met in Virginia City as a newspaper man)

and by a group of letters shown to him by an acquaintance who wrote a “Heart-to-Heart Letters” column for a New York daily.


Why do I mention him you ask?

  "Dead before reaching middle age, Nat left behind no children, no literary reputation of importance, no fine New York Times obituary ensuring immortality, no celebrity eulogies,

just four short novels, two of them [Miss Lonelyhearts and Day of the Locust] unforgettable."

So you heathen struggling Outlaw writers take heart, hear?

In 1789, the U.S. House of Representatives holds its first meeting.


In 1946 on this date, the League of Nations assembles in Geneva for the last time. 


In 1973, the artist Pablo Picasso dies of a heart attack at his chateau near Cannes on the French Riviera.

And ever since that fool has wanted to paint my portrait, but I refuse to look like a plate of lasagna! 


On this date in 1625, the young John Milton enters Christ's College at the age of sixteen. 

Seeing as how I am the Outlaw Pilot of this post, I will say G stands for GAIMAN --


Gaiman and his beloved dog, Cabal

Neil Richard MacKinnon Gaiman, born Neil Richard Gaiman,

is an English author of short fiction, novels, comic books, graphic novels, audio theatre and films.

His notable works include the comic book series The Sandman and novels Stardust, American Gods, Coraline, and The Graveyard Book.

He has won numerous awards, including the Hugo, Nebula, and Bram Stoker awards, as well as the Newbery and Carnegie medals.

"Fiction is the lie that tells the truth, after all. We have an obligation not to bore our readers, but to make them need to turn the pages.

One of the best cures for a reluctant reader, after all, is a tale they cannot stop themselves from reading."

- Neil Gaiman





And on this date in 1859, at the age of 23, I received my license to pilot steamboats on the Mississippi River. 

I had snatched my dream and piloted steamboats ...

 until the American Civil War broke out in 1861 and snatched it back.

(Ain't that always the way with Life?) 


I then turned to writing and took the pseudonym, Mark Twain.

I spent four months in the Sandwich Islands with Captain Sam in 1866, when I was 31 and working on becoming famous.

(You can read about it in DEATH IN THE HOUSE OF LIFE)


My 25 letters from the Sandwich Islands, written on assignment for The Sacramento Union, are still fresh and rudely funny after almost a century and a half ...

even if I say so myself!


For my adventures in 1895 Egypt with Oscar Wilde, keep on reading DEATH IN THE HOUSE OF LIFE.



And should you think I am forgetting Roland's Outlaw Trail:

And for all you outlaws out there, on this date in 1881, Billy the Kid is convicted of murdering the corrupt sheriff of Lincoln County, New Mexico,

and sentenced to hang -- prompting me to quip, "No good deed goes unpunished."

APRIL 6TH - SO FAMOUS YOU GET TO READ YOUR OWN OBITUARY

 

Portrait of William Wordsworth by Benjamin Robert

“Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart.”
― William Wordsworth





We outlaws ride a trail of a day meant to keep us outlaws:

"If you pretend to be good, the world takes you very seriously. If you pretend to be bad, it doesn't. 

Such is the astounding stupidity of optimism." 

  - Oscar Wilde, in Lady Windermere's Fan;
(Wilde was arrested on this day in 1895 )



For D. G. Hudson --

1493 --


Raphael was born. (No, not the mutant turtle!)

  Raffaello Sanzio da Urbino, better known as Raphael, was a major Renaissance painter. 

Though he died at the early age of 37, his body of work was impressive, and included The School of Athens and numerous portraits.


 

William Wordsworth, born on this date in 1770, was a major English Romantic poet who, with Samuel Taylor Coleridge,

helped to launch the Romantic Age in English literature with the 1798 joint publication Lyrical Ballads.

“Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendor in the grass, of glory in the flower;

We will grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind;

In the primal sympathy
Which having been must ever be...”
― William Wordsworth


On March 27, 1802 Wordworth started writing INTIMATIONS OF IMMORTALITY which contain some of his most famous lines and ideas:

that "the child is father of the man," that "birth is but a sleep and a forgetting," that "trailing clouds of glory do we come." 




Lincoln Steffens, one of the most famous turn-of-the-century muckrakers, was born on this day in 1866:

Now, the typical American citizen is the business man. The typical business man is a bad citizen; he is busy.

If he is a “big business man” and very busy, he does not neglect, he is busy with politics, oh, very busy and very businesslike.

I found him buying boodlers in St. Louis, defending grafters in Minneapolis, originating corruption in Pittsburgh,

sharing with bosses in Philadelphia, deploring reform in Chicago, and beating good government with corruption funds in New York.




Walter Winchell, famous American journalist and gossip columnist, was born on this date in 1897:

“An optimist is someone who gets treed by a lion but enjoys the scenery."

"I usually get my stuff from people who promised somebody that they would keep it a secret."




The first modern Olympic games were held on this date in 1896.

  The games took place in Athens, and 13 nations competed in events including archery, wrestling, and fencing.

A few of the contestants were actually tourists who had come to see the games and were allowed to compete!


1983 - U.S. Interior Secretary James Watt banned the Beach Boys from the 4th of July celebration on the Washington Mall.

He said rock 'n' roll bands attract the "Wrong Element."
So the Outlaw in me must respond --


 

America formally entered World War I on this day in 1917.
  The House of Representatives upheld the Senate's endorsement to go to war,

and America officially entered the war, though American troops would not go to Europe until the end of June.




On this date in 1891, P T Barnum died. 

The ailing 81 year old showman requested that a New York newspaper run his obituary so he could enjoy reading it. 

The paper obliged.

APRIL 5TH -- IF THERE ARE NO DOGS IN HEAVEN

 

Born as Mohandas Karamchand "Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet."
- Mahatma Ghandi



We ride both bitter and sweet Outlaw Trails today:


Think of today when you believe you are having it tough --

On this day in 1887 --

Helen Keller had her breakthrough with the manual alphabet:

 Anne Sullivan had been attempting to get Keller to make the connection between objects and words for about a month 

before she had her breakthrough associating the word "water" with water running across her hand. 

Keller progressed rapidly after that, and is said to have exhausted Sullivan by running around asking the names of everything she could reach.


On this date in 1242 --

The Battle of the Ice took place on the border of Russia and Estonia. 

The battle took place between the Novgorod Republic, a medieval Russian state, and a group of crusaders. 

It was fought almost entirely on top of a large frozen lake 

and only ended when the ice collapsed under several thousand soldiers.


Today in 1792 -- 

George Washington exercised the first presidential veto.  

Washington vetoed a measure that would have provided more seats in the House of Representatives for northern states than for southern states. 

He only exercised his veto one other time while in office:

that was to prevent a reduction in the number of cavalry units in the army.


On this date in 1930,

Mahatma Ghandi reaches the end of his 300 mile march across India in protest against the Salt Law which imposed tax on the production of salt.


 
In 1939, Glen Miller records the wildly popular "Moonlight Serenade." It becomes a standard throughout the big band era and beyond.  

 
In 1964, The Beatles hold an unprecedented record of twelve positions on Billboard Hot 100.



1918,  On this date one of the most costly battles in modern wartime is fought near the Somme Region

and over 2 years when this small area of countryside saw the deaths of over 1 million men from both sides of the war.   



Fellow outlaws, let's say E stands for Janet EVANOVICH --

She began her career writing short contemporary romance novels under the pen name, Steffie Hall.

But gained fame authoring a series of contemporary mysteries featuring Stephanie Plum, a lingerie buyer from Trenton, New Jersey,

who becomes a bounty hunter to make ends meet after losing her job. The novels in this series have been on the New York Times and Amazon bestseller lists:

“Is that a bulletproof vest? See, now that's insulting. That's like saying I'm not smart enough to shoot you in the head."
― Janet Evanovich, Seven Up

“Romance novels are birthday cake and life is often peanut butter and jelly.

I think everyone should have lots of delicious romance novels lying around for those times when the peanut butter of life gets stuck to the roof of your mouth.”
― Janet Evanovich



Also on this date in 1930, American humorist, Will Rogers, begins cracking jokes over CBS radio as THE WILL ROGERS PROGRAM makes its debut.

You can read of his ghost riding the Aurora Borealis on this post of mine:
http://rolandyeomans.blogspot.com/2012/04/w-is-for-will-rogersriding-aurora.html

“Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.”

 “Never miss a good chance to shut up.”

  “If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.” ― Will Rogers

APRIL 4TH ... THE BIRTH OF THE MUMMY'S CURSE & WORSE

 

"Attempt the impossible to improve your work."

- Bette Davis -- born of this date in 1908.

On this date in 1923, (just months after being involved in the discovery of the tomb of Turankhamen in Egypt, )

the 5th Earl of Carnarvon dies of a mysterious illness said to be the result of the mummy's curse.

Mi Amigos, beware.

We ride dangerous trails today.

THE STARS BLEED AT MIDNIGHT will tell more of the "truth" of the mummy's curse.  Listen to it: 

https://www.amazon.com/The-Stars-Bleed-at-Midnight/dp/B01B20VE1A/ref=tmm_aud_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

Until then, if Egypt and mysteries are to your liking. read DEATH IN THE HOUSE OF LIFE:
http://www.amazon.com/DEATH-IN-THE-HOUSE-LIFE-ebook/dp/B00HIU5O38/


Now onward down my Outlaw Trail --

Hard trails sometimes make for pure souls:

On this day in 1928 Maya Angelou was born in St. Louis, as Marguerite Johnson.

(We literary outlaws choose our own names, si?)


As George Elliot said (his The Mill on the Floss was published on this day in 1860):

"We could never have loved the earth so well if we had had no childhood in it."


Angelou has said that her remarkable and varied life — prostitute, dancer, actor, writer, activist, educator, academic — has been made possible

by a "remedy of hope" made from reading, courage, and "insouciance."


On this date in 1859, Charles Darwin sent to his publisher the first three chapters of ORIGIN OF SPECIES,

which laid out his radical evolutionary theory of natural selection:

“If I had my life to live over again, I would have made a rule to read some poetry and listen to some music at least once every week.”

― Charles Darwin, The Autobiography of Charles Darwin, 1809–82

 

On this date in 1968, Martin Luther King Jr. is shot to death by James Earl Ray at a hotel in Memphis, Tennessee.

His assassination led to riots in more than 100 US cities

and a call from the United States President Lyndon Johnson for citizens to reject the blind violence that has taken Dr King who had lived by non-violence.

James Earl Ray was convicted of his murder and sentenced to 99 years in prison.

“Life is not the way it’s supposed to be…
It’s the way it is…
The way we cope with it,
is what makes the difference between a good life and a bad one .”

 -- Samuel McCord

And speaking of Grief,

D could stand for Dickinson -- Emily Dickinson:

"I measure every Grief I meet
With narrow, probing Eyes--
I wonder if It weighs like Mine--
Or has an Easier size.

I wonder if They bore it long--
Or did it just begin--
I could not tell the Date of Mine--
It feels so old a pain--

I wonder if it hurts to live--
And if They have to try--
And whether--could They choose between--
It would not be--to die--

I note that Some--gone patient long--
At length, renew their smile--
An imitation of a Light
That has so little Oil--"


“If I read a book and it makes my whole body so cold no fire can ever warm me, I know that is poetry.”
― Emily Dickinson

April 3rd the Outlaw Trail leads to the Parting of the Red Sea

 

Raymond Chandler:

You want the Letter C for today,
my fellow Outlaws?

C for me, besides being "Yes,"
is Raymond Chandler~

“From 30 feet away she looked like a lot of class. From 10 feet away she looked like something made up to be seen from 30 feet away.” 
― Raymond Chandler, The High Window


Raymond Thornton Chandler (July 23, 1888 – March 26, 1959) was an American novelist and screenwriter.

In 1932, at age forty-four, Raymond Chandler decided to become a detective fiction writer after losing his job as an oil company executive during the Depression.

Some of Chandler's novels are considered important literary works, and three are often considered masterpieces:

Farewell, My Lovely (1940), The Little Sister (1949), and The Long Goodbye (1953).

On this date in 1312, B.C.  the Red Sea is traditionally thought to have been parted. 

By the Hebrew calendar, it was 21 Nissan (no, not the car) 2448.

Describing my job as the Pony Express for Blood, I know that the real Pony Express Mail started on this date in 1860.

The Pony Express was the quickest and most reliable mail delivery method in the newly developed American West,

and covered land from Missouri to California in under ten days, an unheard speed at the time.

Though the Pony Express only lasted for about a year, it deeply impacted the development of the West.

$5 for evert half-ounce of weight.  Though the Pony Express still captures the imagination, it only lasted until October 1861.


The 3rd of April was not a good date for outlaws, my bandito friends:

In 1882 - Outlaw Jesse James is shot in the back by Bob Ford, one of his own gang members, reportedly for a $10,000 reward!

The James gang terrorized the Midwest for over 14 years, though they were largely romanticized even in their own time

 — in fact, James' tombstone said that he was "murdered by a traitor and a coward whose name is not worthy to appear here."

For a supernatural tale of the first talking Western filmed on location listen to:

http://www.amazon.com/Her-Bones-Are-Badlands/dp/B00JEOI1BI/

Nor is April 3rd a good date for great men:

Civil rights leader Martin Luther King Jr. delivers his 'mountaintop' speech

to a rally of striking sanitation workers in Memphis, Tenn., less than 24 hours before he is assassinated.


Washington Irving was born on this date in 1783:

“Great minds have purpose, others have wishes. Little minds are tamed and subdued by misfortunes; but great minds rise above them.” ― Washington Irving

APRIL 2ND and Insecure Writers Support

 

“If you have not done things worthy of being written about, at least write things worthy of being read.”

― Giacomo Casanova

Birthdate:2 April 1725 

So?  You have decided to ride the Outlaw Trail of days with me, have you?

Come with me to 1927 and listen to a haunted tale from a stretch of the Badlands the Lakota still fear:

http://www.amazon.com/Her-Bones-Are-Badlands/dp/B00JEOI1BI/

We will have some fun, no?

Almost as much fun as this gringo had:


On April 2nd, 1725, Giacomo Cassanova was born, and erotic tall tales were never the same.


On this date in 1796, a forged Shakespeare play, VORTIGERN AND ROWENA, flops in London,

helping to expose its author, William Henry Ireland, as a fraud ... or a late April Fool's prankster.

Emile Zola, author of Nana, was born on this day in 1840: 

“There are two men inside the artist, the poet and the craftsman. One is born a poet. One becomes a craftsman.” ― Émile Zola


Sadly, this date also contains irony and tears:

1917:

President Woodrow Wilson tells Congress "The world must be made safe for democracy." 
asking Congress for a declaration of war and to send U.S. troops into battle against Germany in World War I .

And American young men have been dying ever since making the world safe for democracy.

B stands for Bradbury -- Ray Bradbury,

whose loss I still feel.  SOMETHING WICKED THIS WAY COMES is one of my favorites of his.  What is your favorite Bradbury tale?

“You don't have to burn books to destroy a culture. Just get people to stop reading them.” ― Ray Bradbury

Here is Ray Bradbury giving my insecure writers' support for this month:

A IS FOR APRIL 1ST and the OUTLAW TRAIL through the days

 

Ambrose Bierce, c. 1866

"The covers of this book are too far apart."

- Ambrose Bierce.

Haven't you read bad books where you felt like that?

This here is Outlaw Roland --

Theme?  I don't need no stinking theme, gringo.  I am a bandito. 

I follow the trail of the days and take what I want from them!

Go to https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CNR5T9DW  to read of my young orphan who uses the Fool tarot card as a bookmark and learns the folly of that act.

In 1700, April Fool's day was the day English pranksters began this tricky annual tradition.


And after my own bandito heart:

 On this day in 1647 John Wilmot, perhaps the most notorious of the Restoration rakes, was born.

By poem and play, song and satire, maid and monkey --

some say he trained his pet monkey to excrete upon his guests, others say he merely encouraged it!

The 2nd Earl of Rochester became the talk of town and Court.

 If, as Samuel Johnson said, he "blazed out his youth and health in lavish voluptuousness," he also wrote, said Hazlitt, verses that "cut and sparkle like diamonds."


I hear some of you gringos muttering about the letter A.  You want the letter A?  I give you the letter A: Aphorisms -- for which Ambrose Bierce was famous as in his definition for Once: Enough.

“Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.”


In 1816 on this date, Jane Austen dismissed a suggestion from the Prince Regent that she write a historical novel by saying,

"I could not sit down to write a serious romance under any other motive than to save my life." 

Not a gringo after my own heart is Hitler --

For his part in the Munich Beer Hall Putsch, Hitler was imprisoned on this day in 1924.

He used the time to dictate Mein Kampf

(“My Struggle,” shortened by Hitler's publisher from his suggested title, “Four and a Half Years of Struggle against Lies, Stupidity and Cowardice.”) 



Apart from its egomania and Jew-baiting, the book romanticizes Hitler’s formative years.


It was no April Fool's joke when Marvin Gaye was shot and killed by his minister father in 1984. 


April Fool's Day was Google-touched twice:

1.) Google introduced Gmail in 2004. 

Given Google's propensity for April Fool's Day pranks, plenty of people assumed they were just kidding.

At the time, free e-mail with a whole gigabyte of storage was a completely new concept. The following year, they increased it to two gigs.

2.) In 2007, Google sent an e-mail out to its employees at a NYC office

warning that a python was loose in the facilities. Definitely sounds like a prank, I know, but it was true:

an engineer kept a ball python named Kaiser in his cube and Kaiser escaped. 

The e-mail to employees apologized for the awkward timing and assured them that this was no April Fool stunt. 


And so I leave you with another aphorism from Ambrose Bierce:

“Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math."

WHAT IS EASTER TO YOU?

 

Chocolate eggs and bunnies fillthe shops.

 

Hollywood blockbusters fill TVschedules.

 

But try to find a religious cardand you will be busy until Christmas.

 

Many people do not know the storyof Easter and many others believe in the paranormal more than in God.

 

The idea of Jesus is challengingto many.

Say you believe He rose from thedead after having been asked in a secular situation,

 

and you can expect condescendingsmiles.

 

I was yelled at and spit upon atthe science fiction club I belonged to once

 

When I mentioned my worldview inrelation to the movie, ARRIVAL.

 

To encounter Jesus isexistentially challenging. It can be scary and uncomfortable.  

It is much safer in today'ssociety to say you are an atheist.

 

I love munching on chocolatebunnies

 

and hiding colored eggs for thechildren to hunt for as much as the next guy.

 

But on Martin Luther King'sBirthday, I like to think on the man and what he represented and what it costhim.

Likewise the same with Jesus onChristmas and Easter.

Did you know the word “Easter”doesn’t have anything to do with the Christian celebration?

 

It is derived from the name of aGerman deity, Estre or Ostra.

 

She was the goddess of the risingsun and spring, and was celebrated in springtime festivals.

 

Bunnies represent fertility andare associated with the re-awakening of the land in springtime.

 

Bunnies were first associatedwith Easter celebrations in the 1500s,

 

and by the early 1800s, Germanbakers were selling Easter bunnies made from chocolate and pastry.

 

The tradition of the Easter Bunnybringing gifts to children Easter morning is also from Germany, where he wasknown as Oschter Haws.

 

Initially, the bunny left histreats in a nest made for him by children.

 

 Later, the tradition merged with the notion ofthe Easter basket.

 

Most people who walk beside youon the street or drive past you on the highway are not religious.

 

They doubt that a historicalJesus even existed.

 

If a religious teacher did offendthe powers-that-be 2000 years ago and get himself executed, it means less thannothing to them.

 

They will shake their head at youin scorn if you ask them if they believe Jesus rose from the dead.

 

The Apostle Paul wrote about theimportance of the resurrection in his letter to the Corinthians:

 

"If Christ has not beenraised, our preaching is useless and so is your faith… if Christ has not beenraised, your faith is futile; you are still in your sins.”

 

You see, long ago we broke theterms to our lease on Eden.  We gotevicted.  Jesus paid the back rent androse from the dead as concrete proof that He had done it.

 

Still, Easter holds a significantmessage for us all, religious or not.

 

It's a message of hope andreconciliation.

 

"Jesus Christ risen from thedead."

 

To me there is life after death butmore than that it's the possibility of forgiveness and a new start.

 

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

A to Z Reveal_THE OUTLAW TRAIL

 

 

The A to Z Challenge is but a day away ...

The Outlaw Trail looms before me ...

There will be calls for a lynching from bloggers all over the Net.

But the ghost of Mark Twain urges me onward ....