Cameron Conaway's Blog, page 5

Being Intentional with Positive Feedback

An abstract painting shows two women of color sitting at a desk. One turns on a light so the other can see.

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Attention: Feedback Givers! Don’t Become the 21%

This week’s tip is about working through the fears that can arise within feedback givers. We are all feedback givers in one way or another, but people managers are often in such a position far more than others. At work yesterday, someone booked a video call with me titled “Need your feedback on X.” I ... Read more

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Seeking Feedback with a Pure Intention

This week’s tip is about seeking feedback not to tick a box or be perceived in a certain way, but to genuinely discover opportunities to grow. If you’ve spent some time with my content, you know I’m all-in on the power of what is referred to as “feedback-seeking behavior” in academic literature. Here is a ... Read more

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Giving Feedback for Impact After Receipt (IAR)

This week’s tip is about giving feedback that has an ongoing impact on someone’s life or professional development. Giving feedback is a gift. Yes, I know that phrase is often about receiving feedback — but think about it. As a feedback giver, you have the immense honor of shaping the direction of a person’s improvement, ... Read more

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Getting Feedback About Received Feedback

This week’s tip is about ensuring you get a second (and maybe third) opinion on particularly challenging feedback you’ve received. As I shared in this video, I learned this lesson the hard way and I do not wish the same for you. Over the years, I’ve learned that many of us take a few of ... Read more

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Develop Your Feedback Fallback Phrase

This week’s tip is about intentionally developing your feedback fallback phrase. If you’re like most folks, you already have one of these, but you may not have put much thought into making it work for your needs. Okay, so a feedback fallback phrase is the phrase you use after you’ve received feedback you need time ... Read more

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How to Respond: Can I Get Your Feedback?

This week’s tip is about skillfully responding when someone asks: Can I get your feedback? Before we dive in, it can be helpful to understand this feedback dynamic better. First, remember that getting asked for feedback is generally a very positive opening act of a feedback experience. It likely means the feedback seeker respects your ... Read more

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3 common barriers to the examined life

Socrates is often credited with saying, "The unexamined life is not worth living."

While many of us strive to live by this quote, there isn't much out there about the barriers that prevent us from examining our lives (let alone strategies for how to help us break through these barriers).

Here are 3 common barriers, plus some insight based on what's worked for me:

1. Dogma. It fills up more of our thinking than most of us would like to admit. Whether it's a Bible verse or a mantra from Tony Robbins, it's important to see these as gateways to inner work—not as the inner work itself. Dogma, at its best, serves as a gateway. At its worst, it serves as a crutch. The examined life examines crutches and uses them strategically, not as defaults.

2. Lack of privilege. It takes a certain degree of privilege to have the space necessary to observe how we live. If you're reading this post on Goodreads there's a good chance you have enough to get started.

3. Negativity bias / self-judgement. While examining, it's critical to be aware of and work to break free from negative energies so you can view your life objectively. The alternative is getting stuck in thought patterns that propel you towards questioning and criticizing yourself rather than discovering opportunities for growth. There is a fine line here, and it continues to demand a lot of my energy to remain on the positive side.

DMAIC for your mind

I’ve been reading about Six Sigma lately. It’s a set of techniques and tools for optimizing process performance and attaining perfection — defined in this case as no more than 3.4 defects per million opportunities.

Think of it as a process for improving process. It’s underpinned by an improvement cycle referred to as DMAIC (Define, Measure, Analyze, Improve, Control). Here’s a glimpse into how it looks:



The more I read, the more I wonder about DMAIC’s application for improving our habits of thought, the thinking processes we may want to improve.

While contemplative and therapeutic practices are the foundation in this regard, might there be room to embed within those a cycle similar to DMAIC?

So few of us get to the Define stage, where we’ve mapped out which parts of our thinking we want to improve. Maybe it’s a recurring negative thought or a recurring thought that adds no value to our life but takes up a significant amount of our mental energy.

From there, we could move to Measure. This is where a practice like meditation would be critical as it allows us to watch our thoughts coming in like waves. During a 20-minute meditation, for example, we could measure the times this thought enters our thought-stream.

The next step, Analyze, would be about getting to the root cause. Why does this thought capture so much of our attention? This is where working with a trained therapist could be incredibly beneficial. And their influence would be important as well for the Improve phase. Once we’ve discovered the cause, how can we form new mental habits?

Control, then, would be about continuing the practice and working to discover other ways of thinking we’d like to improve.

The idea needs to be fleshed out more (for example, I don’t think it’d be a healthy thing to refer to our natural habits of thought as “defects”), but it seems there could be some potential for those wanting to improve and optimize their inner worlds.

Recharge, fellow introverts

Many introverts, self-included, find it hard to communicate their need to recharge. While most extroverts gain energy from social events, for example, most introverts drain energy. Communicating your needs can be challenging, especially when it goes against societal norms which tend to reward extroverts.

What’s the way forward?

I’ve found it helpful, especially for recurring events or for events that last for days, to let it be known that I'm an introvert. In addition to opening up interesting conversations, it also helps set a bit of an expectation when I'm ready to roll out.

Another recharging tip is to focus on micro-charges. In the past, I often refused to recharge unless it meant a full-on recharge up to 100%. I’ve come to learn that small charges matter as well, and they keep your % consistently higher. For example, occasionally taking a 20-minute bath instead of a 10-minute shower can do wonders.

Lastly, work to let go of feeling guilt or shame about your need to recharge. This alone can open up new energy reservoirs.