Ginger Voight's Blog, page 28

American Idol Top 13 - Season 11

Normally I don't do a Results Show recap but I'm pretty excited about the Top 13, especially the last contestant to slide in by the skin of his teeth. In fact I didn't know how much I cared about this UNTIL it was announced and I deafened my entire family with my whoop of joy.

In fact the entire Wild Card segment just brought me to tears and invested me in the whole dang season that there's no turning back now.

The first member to make it into the Top 10 based on popular vote was Phillip Phillips.


As predicted, Chase and Jeremy suffered from their lack of exposure and Phillip moved right on through.

The results show included comments from Jimmy Iovine, who typically renders a harsher critique than the Kinder, Gentler Judges. Some things I agreed, some things I didn't. I wasn't on board with his assessment of Phillip. I don't find him all that original. I get a real David Cook vibe off of the artist Phillip is setting himself up to be.

The girls were brought up four at a time, and the first two to make it into the Top Ten were Hollie Cavanagh and Jessica Sanchez.


Jimmy commented that Brielle's pick of "(Sittin' On) The Dock of the Bay" was too old fashioned and he was right on... especially since he echoed what I already said in my blog yesterday. She still justified it, speaking of herself once again in the third person. I wasn't particularly heartbroken nor surprised when she didn't make it into the Top Ten.

He also stated that Jessica is the one to beat, which I also alluded to in yesterday's blog pegging her the One to Watch for Season 11. If there's a girl to win this thing, breaking a streak of male winners since Carrie Underwood, it's this girl.

By no surprise another favorite guy of mine, Joshua Ledet, joined Heejun Han over in the coveted stools for the Top Ten.


I agreed with Jimmy that Heejun is a bit of a confusing pick for the show, but not really surprised with all of the screen time that he got he made it through with the votes.

But Heejun maintains he'll keep things light with the comedy as his Idol journey continues.


The next four ladies who came up to the chopping block gave me a little bit more of what I wanted in Skylar Laine:


It also gave Shannon Magrane really good news that her inspirational ballad won the hearts of American voters.


But Jimmy also echoed my complaint from yesterday about the high school pageanty look by saying she looked more like she was dressed for the prom. I hope with the help of a stylist she can be more youthful and fun rather than this too-old-for-her-years songbird she established herself to be last night.

Jimmy also repeated my dissatisfaction with both Baylie and Chelsea, even going so far as to say Carrie Underwood karaoke wouldn't cut it. It looks like we both were right.

The Idol dream also ended for Aaron, whose performance Jimmy considered cheesy. He wasn't any more charitable to Creighton ("screechy") or Reed ("too cabaret") and apparently the audience agreed - even if Steven, J-Lo and Randy all sang their praises.

Elise Testone was joined by Erika, Jen and Haley, but only Elise won her rightful place by America's vote as the last girl chosen for the Top Ten.


Jimmy felt Jen, while the voice was good, didn't have enough soul and praised Erika's restraint despite J-Lo's advice to push herself even further. Meanwhile he underscored Randy's assessment Haley's performance was a "nightmare."

With only two spots left Ryan called down four of the remaining boys, including my DeAndre, Colton Dixon, Eben and the Gentle Giant himself, Jermaine Jones. This is where I got a little nervous. With Jermaine securing not only the pimp spot but having a really emotional journey thus far this season, it seemed likely his fans would vote him through.


Likewise for Colton, whose Idol journey is two years in the making (as is DeAndre's - but Colton's has been way more televised.)


When Jimmy sang the praises of both Jermaine and Colton I knew my little DeAndre was in trouble. And of course he was sent back to wait his fate through the Wild Card stage as he did not secure the top 10 vote. Those final two honors went to the guy who barely missed the Top 24 and the guy who didn't bother to audition.

Thus began the Wild Card round where the judges had to pick 6 out of 15 singers in order to select one Wild Card contestant each. Jen got the first opportunity to sing for her life and sing for her life she did. She selected "Oh! Darling" and did a fantastic job, although lost her breath in a few spots trying to knock it out of the park with her vocal gymnastics.

Jeremy sang second, with a Carrie Underwood tune that brought J-Lo to tears. In fact there probably wasn't a dry eye in the house when he fell apart at the end of the song himself after a performance that brought his fellow contestants to their feet.

Brielle got her second chance and laid it all on the line with a more sedate and serious performance. This gave her mom a little more face time on camera as well, but didn't really do anything for me to reconsider my earlier position (as Jeremy's emotional performance had done.)

Randy made my night by recalling DeAndre for his second chance. He sang "Georgia on My Mind" which showed way more range than the EW&F tune he sang for the live performances on Tuesday. It was another old fashioned tune that I wasn't sure showed the best of what he could do. But the girls loved it - as I was sure they would.

Seeing this baby tremble with the importance of the moment was enough to win over even more than what I was before. Though I wasn't actively conscious of it, the stakes for him to advance shot WAY up.

Erika sang next and FINALLY let it go with Lady Gaga's "Edge of Glory." I was practically on my chair for her performance. THIS is what she needed to do yesterday. THIS is what sets her apart. NEVER EVER EVER EVER resort to an 80s pop ballad when you can rock that kind of powerful vocal.

N E V E R.

With that vocal she outshone every other Wild Card wannabe that went before her.

The judges gave the last spot to Reed, a drummer who definitely dances to his very own beat. I thought the audience was screaming for him beforehand and as he performed we could see why. He's definitely entertaining. That said, he's not an idol and the performance ultimately was easy to discard.

I figured at this point the judges would pick Erika, Jeremy and Jen.

Randy announced the first Wild Card pic - Erika Van Pelt.

[image error]
J-Lo announced her Wild Card pick, and after the tears she shed for him it could be none other than Jeremy Rosado.


That left Steven with the third and final Wild Card pick. I didn't let out a breath until he told him that he could let his hair down and I knew that despite all odds my favorite had skated in by the hair of his chinny chin chin.

My favorite... I wanna adopt him... he made me care about Idol once more... DeAndre Brackensick.


This is shaping up to be a season with a lot of heart, and contestants that wear their hearts on their sleeves. I think both Jeremy and DeAndre won some fans tonight with their earnest gratitude for making it into the Top 13, so I hope we see that reflected in the votes next week.

And for the first time in a LONG time... I'm excited about next week.

Oh American Idol... you did it to me again. I'll even forgive you for making theme nights out of Stevie Wonder and Whitney Houston, two artists I usually pray no contestants ever sing because of the high karaoke factor.

Till next week... Geevie OUT.

American Idol Semifinalist Girls: Live Performances

After last night's love fest from the judges, Randy Jackson decided to own up to the fact that he and his fellow judges had taken it a bit easy on the guys. Maybe he realized what we hear at home isn't as exciting or as perfect as what they hear in the studio, or maybe he just realized that a little Simonesque honesty actually balances all the rah rah cheerleading this particular panel encourages.

While I'm all about positive reinforcement, these performers are vying for the top 13 places in the finals: the top five guys and girls from the popular vote, along with the judges' wild card picks. It's time to "keep it real" as it were. Playing nice now isn't doing anyone any favors. Instead the judges need to give these contestants advice to grow on.

With that in mind, I'm going to aspire to keep my reviews a little more real as well. I apologize ahead of time that the girls are going to get it a little tougher than the guys last night.

But in all fairness, there was more to criticize.

Chelsea Sorrell started off the show performing Carrie Underwood's "Cowboy Casanova."


Like I said yesterday I really advise newcomers against singing the material made famous by other idols because it can draw unflattering parallels. This is especially true when those idols have stronger voices. It's impossible to make the song your own unless you drastically change the arrangement, which is always a huge risk. Otherwise it comes across as karaoke. In this case the weaker, less experienced voice is a glaring disappointment. Though she tried, Chelsea was unable to match the fullness of the notes Carrie hits effortlessly, as such the performance can do nothing more than leave the listener unsatisfied.

While Chelsea chose wisely an upbeat tune to help offset the Curse of First, the problem is both she as a contestant and the song itself were rather forgettable. Taking a relative unknown and putting her first in a field of 12 other singers is a producer kiss of death.

Vocals: 3
Style: 4
Stage Presence: 4
Individuality: 3
Song Choice: 3
Total: 17
Probability of moving on: Poor

Erika Van Pelt has been a favorite of mine from the early auditions.


I think she has a strong rocker voice with a presence to match. Which is why I nearly screamed in frustration that she chose "What About Love" as her song. I love Heart and I love Ann Wilson, but please... can't ANYONE sing ANYTHING other than the 80s pop crap? If you want to be electric, if you want to rock it out... choose "Crazy On You" or "Barracuda" or "Magic Man." Ann is a rock GODDESS whose prowess challenges you and demonstrates your talent (if you're lucky) no matter what song you sing. So bring the excitement. Sing something different. MAKE YOUR MARK.

It will confound me till the end of time why everyone sings the same old tired syrupy 80s schlock year after freaking year. It comes across as drunken, ill-advised karaoke that just can't touch Ann's version. The only good thing I can say about it... it wasn't "Alone," which as you diehards to the blog know earns an automatic 0 in the song choice department.

In a spot where Erika HAD to stand out, she just became one of the pack with that song. Worse yet, J-Lo was absolutely right in that she held back in the performance. If you're going to hold back, just back away from the Ann Wilson category altogether.

Very disappointing.

Vocals: 3
Style: 4
Stage Presence: 5
Individuality: 5
Song Choice: 1
Total: 18
Probability of moving on: Questionable

Another early favorite of mine was Jen Hirsh.


Her audition performance of "Georgia On My Mind" was flawless. She soared between notes like a bird in flight, so I was expecting a lot from Jen tonight.



Unfortunately her performance of Adele's "One and Only" made me want to re-watch Georgia. While still good, it wasn't quite as sweet to the ear with some bum notes particularly at the end where she seemed to lose herself a bit. Her stage presence also needs a little work, she has some habits that come across as nervous quirks that are distracting to the performance. Once again J-Lo hit the critique on the nose by pointing out she gave it her all, which I would expect nothing less. So despite the fact I personally didn't see this performance topping her Hollywood audition, I think she's a strong contender with enough audience recognition to move forward.

Vocals: 4
Style: 4
Stage Presence: 4
Individuality: 4
Song Choice: 4
Total: 20
Probability of moving on: Good

Another recognizable face from both last season and season 11 is Brielle Von Hugel, a rather precocious teenage contestant from New York.

[image error]
I don't know if the TV exposure both Brielle (who seems to refer to herself in the third person at times) and her mother have done the duo any real favors, especially since her performance tonight didn't do much to live up to the hype she enjoyed during earlier rounds. Her voice just doesn't match her confidence. She tackled the Otis Redding classic, "(Sittin' On) The Dock of the Bay," which underscored her weaker lower register. It's also a highly repetitive song that seemed old fashioned and rudimentary. Here's where Cranky Cowell likely would have compared this over-confident performance to a high school recital.

And he'd be right.

Vocals: 3
Style: 3
Stage Presence: 4
Individuality: 4
Song Choice: 3
Total: 17
Probability of moving on: Questionable

Former waitress Hallie Day followed with her version of "Feeling Good."


Again, choosing a song that has been conquered by Idols Past is a tricky proposition at best. You can be absolutely competent and still leave the audience longing for that standout performance that came before you.

Whenever I hear "Feeling Good" I want to hear Adam Lambert. Case closed.

Here's what I liked about this performance. It was different. She set herself up as a nostalgic siren. She looks and sounds like she stepped out of the 1940s, which sets her apart in this field of wannabe pop stars. Sadly, however, the song she choose was a bit bigger than her voice. It was by a smidge, but a noticeable smidge. That being said, I would love to see her go forward because she's got a great vibe.

Vocals: 4
Style: 4
Stage Presence: 5
Individuality: 5
Song Choice: 3
Total: 21
Probability of moving on: Questionable to Fair

Eighteen-year-old Skylar Laine from Mississippi followed with her rocking country version of the Faces classic, "Stay With Me."


There is a lot to like about this girl as far as I'm concerned. She almost embodies the female country badass Reba McEntire all the way from her thick country twang to her down home appeal. She's also very shrewd in ways that other contestants both on the Girls and Guys side haven't been, which is pretty amazing given she's so young. She carved out a very specific niche for herself no one before her had ever laid claim to. She didn't come out and take on a tired, overplayed ballad or a typical country song. She took something that was distinctly rock and fit it to HER style. That style is a whole lot of fun and very entertaining; I have little doubt she'll be one of the performances that stand out when people look back on this particular show.

Vocals: 4
Style: 5
Stage Presence: 5
Individuality: 5
Song Choice: 5
Total: 24
Probability of moving on: Strong

Country cutie Baylie Brown tackled one of my favorite country ballads that has a deep personal connection to me and my relationship with my husband, Lonestar's "Amazed."


I've heard this song (and sung my heart out to this song) many, many, many times in the last 13 years so it was just painfully obvious how many notes Baylie missed in her earnest performance. For her to get to this point and have that many bum notes makes me wonder how much her commercial look played into the judges' decision to let her through to the semifinals.

If Paula were still around she'd probably say, "Let me start off by telling you how amazing you look tonight," where Simon would punctuate his critique with a disgusted, "Excruciating."

It just was not good and that song is not vocally challenging enough to justify why it shouldn't have been.

Vocals: 2
Style: 4
Stage Presence: 2
Individuality: 2
Song Choice: 3
Total: 13
Probability of moving on: Poor

Another 18-year-old who appeared in both Season 10 and Season 11 is Hollie Cavanagh.


I don't know quite what to make of Hollie. She has a bit of an accent when she speaks that seems to be having its very own identity crisis. Though born in Liverpool it appears living in McKinney, Texas is driving the Brit right out of her. This inconsistency bleeds over into her singing that can be both off-putting and interesting. It's almost like that Seinfeld character who looked one way at one angle and scared Jerry silly when he saw her from a different angle.

That aside her ambitious version of Christina Aguilera's "Reflection" from the movie "Mulan" was solid. In fact, I think she chose a song that did identify her personality's complexity and she branded herself in a compelling way. She wasn't just singing a Christina song, she was telling her own story. This goes beyond the voice, which was strong even if not Christina, into the area of an artist.

Lots of potential there. I'd like to see where could go.

Vocals: 4
Style: 4
Stage Presence: 4
Individuality: 5
Song Choice: 5
Total: 22
Probability of moving on: Good to Strong

Portland barista Haley Johnsen had the misfortune of following this powerhouse performance the judges hinted could make her competitor a frontrunner.


Even more unfortunately for her, her version of the 80s Eurythmics classic "Sweet Dreams" was a hot mess... not just in comparison but in general. The arrangement was unappealing and quite honestly discomforting. Marilyn Manson tackled this Annie Lennox masterpiece in a way that was sinister and interesting, and it felt as though she was trying to merge the two versions together into some strange alien love child. In the end Haley's was just all over the place with no real definite tone. Worse, her vocals were sub par, which made tolerating her "runs" painful.

Vocals: 3
Style: 4
Stage Presence: 4
Individuality: 4
Song Choice: 1
Total: 16
Probability of moving on: Poor

Tampa teenager Shannon Magrane chose an inspirational ballad for her first live show introduction with "Go Light Your World."


Once again it felt like a missed opportunity. In the introductory video we saw how playful and youthful this 16-year-old could (and should) be and then she appears in a ball gown with a performance better suited to a beauty pageant than a show seeking the next big pop star.

There was nothing glaringly bad about the performance, it was just generic and ultimately forgettable. The main variable is that the audience she's appealed to with that song choice (the more Christian-oriented) may rally behind her performance for bringing more traditional to the Idol stage.

The judges certainly liked it. (But they like everything.)


Vocals: 4
Style: 4
Stage Presence: 4
Individuality: 3
Song Choice: 2
Total: 17
Probability of moving on: Questionable

I've been looking forward to Jessica Sanchez and her debut performance after she and DeAndre knocked it out of the park with a gospel-fused rendition of "Doesn't Matter Anymore."



I was worried when her performance was foreshadowed with the news she had been having voice trouble throughout the week. Could this early favorite pull it off?


Singing "Love You I Do," Jessica effortlessly pulled off what I missed from other teenage contestants. She kept it youthful and fun while keeping it mature and professional all at the same time. Though you could see her restraint during some notes, if this is what she sounds like when she's slightly impaired that powerhouse performance demonstrates EASILY this is the girl to watch for Season 11.

Vocals: 5
Style: 5
Stage Presence: 5
Individuality: 5
Song Choice: 5
Total: 25
Probability of moving on: Strong

Elise Testone won the coveted Pimp Spot for the night and capped off the festivities with another version of the Adele tune, "One and Only."


She branded herself well to set herself apart from the crowd, and Adele herself, with sort of an earth-child blues performance. Like J-Lo commented, the smoky tone of her voice is distinctive and interesting. I'm glad she got the last spot because I think it really gives her an advantage to make it on to the next round. I'd kinda like to see what else she can do.

Vocals: 4
Style: 5
Stage Presence: 5
Individuality: 5
Song Choice: 5
Total: 24
Probability of moving on: Good

Like last night's show it's hard to predict with any degree of certainty who will secure those five top spots to make it into the finals. These are steep cuts and there's really no clear cut indicator who will stay or go once the voting turns over to John/Jane Q. Public. Of the two groups the girls had a couple of wayward performances the guys didn't have, which helps me narrow down who I'd *like* to see move forward, Jessica and Skylar tops among them.

Don't hold back. Tell me who you'd like to see move forward.

It All Started With a Monkee

"I'm sure you saw the news by now of who died."

That is how I started February 29, 2012. It sent me into a bit of a panic because I hadn't yet seen the news or anything about any celebrity death. Most of the shocking celebrity death news I receive these days is usually courtesy of Twitter, but thankfully I had not yet checked the feed before reading my best friend's FB message.

In retrospect I am glad. I am glad someone I loved gently broke the news to me rather than a glaring, shocking trending topic, because this celebrity death is one that hits me really close to home.

You really can't get any closer than your first love.

This is who Davy Jones will always be to me. It was a true star-crossed love story doomed to run a very short course. He was a celebrity, I was an elementary student, and of course we had never met except through a TV show that was rerunning ten years after it originally aired.

But my budding romanticism caught fire when I saw this cute and funny Brit who sang about the mysterious glory of starry-eyed love. Just like all the girls he made swoon on his TV show I was a goner from the very first time he opened his mouth.

He set the standard of all crushes that would follow. I wouldn't just settle for cute. I needed the whole package. I wanted someone a cut above all the rest. I wanted someone who could make me laugh as easily as he could touch my soul. I wanted someone unashamed to share cheesy, ooey gooey romantic love.



I was a true fan. One of the very first albums I owned was "More of the Monkees" and I played that vinyl treasure over and over again until I wore out every groove. I knew every word to every song and watched every episode of the Monkees with grand fascination that happens only once in a lifetime.

The first in your lifetime.



I was unaware that this band was manufactured or even past their 60s heyday. I didn't care. I was a Monkees devotee and fairly certain the day would come I'd marry a short English cutie with dark eyes and floppy hair.

Of course the late 70s gave way to the 1980s and I'd move on to other idols, quite dejected to find that my first crush was a married man in his 30s and the show was nothing more than a rerun.

But you never forget your first crush, as I've learned from all the other women I've known who share Davy with me. I can't count how many times I meet fans of other idols who confide their first celebrity crush was none other than my celebrity crush. Turns out he made several generations fall in love with him the same way he made me fall in love with him. Today we all mourn something very special in our lives. This is more than just a celebrity death... this is a significant part of our collective childhoods that means more than we could probably ever express in words. He did more than sing some songs... he made daydream believers out of all of us.

So thank you Davy for being the first. I will carry a little bit of you with me always whenever I remember what it's like to be a starry-eyed girl swooning over the boy of her dreams.

American Idol Semifinalist Guys: Live Performances

The official live performances began on Idol, sending the vote to the public on who should stay and who should go from the top 24 25 top semifinalists. In an unprecedented move, the judges brought back an extra guy to add to the standard 24, which was revealed during tonight's live telecast.

On the whole the show was fairly ho-hum, as the early live shows tend to be. The cream hasn't completely risen to the top and no stars have yet to emerge; what you get mostly are many a'iight performances that are neither spectacular or true train wrecks.

This results in a virtual lovefest from the kinder, nicer generation of AI judges. This doesn't help make the steep cut of more than half of this field of 13. Those who had a lot of screen time during the audition process have a slight advantage over those we haven't yet met. Worse, the earlier performers who don't do much to stand out are easily forgettable by the time we get to the producer favorites stacked at the end of the show.

I have my favorites (Team DeAndre!) but the show itself demonstrates many of these guys are running neck and neck for your vote. To predict a final 5 out of the 12 13 presented poses a bit of a challenge.

So let's get cracking.

The Guys could sing any song they chose (always a dangerous proposition) and were instructed to take a camera to their hometowns so that we might get to know them just a little better.

First up was Reed Grimm from Wisconsin.


This Wisconsin native brings personality to spare to the show, as well as the first (?) drummer to grace the AI stage. I like drummers. They are a breed of musician unto themselves that go by such nicknames as "Machine Gun" and "Animal."


He has a real zest for life and a creative streak, as demonstrated in his jazzy rendition of "Moves Like Jagger."

I'm not entirely certain how such a rendition will go over with the AI crowd, but he sang it with conviction. This off-screen goofball turns into a smooth operator on stage, which makes him a memorable contestant. This could save him from the curse of first.

The judges loved him but they loved everyone. As the show wore on my beleaguered hubby lamented on how much he missed Simon because these judges aren't as rough around the edges when it comes to delivering "constructive criticism." Randy mentioned that Reed was reminiscent of Casey Abrams of last season, but I think Reed may be a little more mainstream. This could help propel him into the finals.

Vocals: 4
Style: 4
Stage Presence: 5
Individuality: 5
Song Choice: 4
Total: 22
Probability of moving on: Good

Adam Brock (new dad, chef, renaissance, large black woman trapped in a white guy) took the stage next with an Aretha Franklin tune (obviously.)


He's a cuddly bear with a lot of soul and has been featured pretty heavily throughout the audition process. That, coupled with his non-fast-forwarded performance (courtesy of my hubby Steven) makes Season 11's "White Chocolate" a possible audience favorite moving forward.

Vocals: 4
Style: 4
Stage Presence: 5
Individuality: 4
Song Choice: 5
Total: 22
Probability of moving on: Good

Seventeen-year-old DeAndre Brackensick was grouped in with beginning performances, which can spell trouble for these new faces for the voting audience.


We don't know much about DeAndre given his lack of screen time over the audition process, despite the fact he's been on both Season 10 and Season 11. I remembered him from last year because I think he's extremely commercial and his voice takes the best of artists like Prince before him to a new place for such a young soul. I was really concerned that his placement in the lineup could cripple his chances to move forward, especially when he began to sing "Reasons" from Earth, Wind & Fire. While the Phillip Bailey falsetto was dead on, the song may be a little old school for his target demographic (young girls.) But from the screams he got when he finished, I feel a tad more confident that we'll see more from my early favorite of Season 11. He's got a commercial look and his voice is pure liquid gold. Please, America... let's see what this kid can do.

Vocals: 5
Style: 5
Stage Presence: 5
Individuality: 4
Song Choice: 4
Total: 23
Probability of moving on: Good (please, please, please)

*tip* think about losing the hair flip; it's a quirk that can get old really fast if you're not careful.

Colton Dixon has been a familiar face throughout the last two seasons.

He has a standout style and he's a musician, which makes me root for the guy just on a talent-only basis. That he was never supposed to be on this season at all makes his appearing in the semifinals pretty remarkable. Unfortunately, though I love anyone who can bring any kind of rock to the Idol stage, I didn't care that much for his performance of Paramore's "Decode." It felt a little white bread to me. Maybe the hype over the last couple of years prepped me to expect a little more, or maybe this was just not my style of music as I'm way more classic/hard rock than alternative. (Usually though, I can see past that.) Despite that, I think the audience has connected with him enough by this point to try to get him through. I just don't know if his voice shares the same distinction as his alternative look.

Vocals: 4
Style: 5
Stage Presence: 5
Individuality: 5
Song Choice: 4
Total: 23
Probability of moving on: Strong

Jeremy Rosado is the first contestant I had to struggle to remember from earlier auditions, which makes me kinda sad because I think he's a good kid up against a really tough playing field.

[image error]
He doesn't really have a standout niche like Colton, Reed or even DeAndre. He too chose a song made famous by a female, "Gravity" by Sara Bareilles. He sang it well and if this 19-year-old had any nerves he managed to mask them convincingly. Though beautifully sung, this middle of the pack performance didn't do much to make him stand out and he kinda had to.

Vocals: 4
Style: 4
Stage Presence: 4
Individuality: 4
Song Choice: 4
Total: 20
Probability of moving on: Questionable

I'm afraid the same fate may befall another middle-pack performer Aaron Marcellus, a contestant that J-Lo herself championed through to the semifinals.


His rendition of "Never Can Say Goodbye" didn't do enough to set him apart (or above) other bluesy singers, which is a shame. He certainly has the pedigree to add performance to his impressive vocals, but this particular song didn't do much to give him a chance to shine apart from one glory note. One Night One, you need more than that. So despite the crowd reaction to the note and the judges' standing O, I think this is another contestant in serious danger going home.

Vocals: 4
Style: 4
Stage Presence: 4
Individuality: 4
Song Choice: 4
Total: 20
Probability of moving on: Questionable

Brendan Fraser doppelganger Chase Likens also had the misfortune of running with a mid-pack performance.


He was a virtual blank slate for all of us who sat through the arduous audition rounds to pick out early favorites for the live performance shows. I don't recall ever seeing him perform until tonight, and with that mug I think I really kinda woulda. This 21-year-old college student from West Virginia actually did something the other two performers before him were unable to do: he distinguished himself from the pack by singing a completely different genre. He went country.

Country has always been pretty good to Idol contestants and there's no denying this guy has a very commercial look. He sang "Storm Warning" which had the added benefit of being an upbeat performance, which subtly gives a measure of excitement to the middle of a show that really kinda dragged with blah up to this point. The voice is there, but the performance style could use a bit of work to steer away from the cheese department. This, however, isn't a deal breaker as proven by last year's winner, Scotty McCreary.

Vocals: 4
Style: 4
Stage Presence: 4
Individuality: 5
Song Choice: 4
Total: 21
Probability of moving on: Fair to Good

Creighton Fraker has been an early favorite of mine because I think he does have a voice that stands out from the pack.


I love finding distinctive voices and he has a quirky personality to match. This preacher's kid from South Dakota found his place in the world in weird and wonderful New York, which on a personal level immediately endears me to him.

In fact I love his fabulousity so much I can ALMOST forgive him for singing one of my least favorite Cyndi Lauper tunes, "True Colors."

Let your rainbow, shine, honey. I'm rootin' for you!

Vocals: 5
Style: 5
Stage Presence: 5
Individuality: 5
Song Choice: 3
Total: 23
Probability of moving on: Good


Phillip Phillips performed next and I have to be honest: it's a chore not to be annoyed by his name.

[image error]
I like him well enough and I like his voice well enough but the whole double moniker is a wee bit off-putting. I fear it may get more cloying as the weeks go by because Idol has a nasty little habit of running bits into the ground.



That they decided to get even MORE cutesy with the captioning of their family photo as the "Phillips Phamily Photo" didn't have me in the most generous mood when he did his version of Phil Collins' 80s epic "In the Air Tonight." It definitely put his very unique fingerprint on it but I was not a fan. On the plus side, his voice is very distinctive and he's very likeable. I doubt he'll be sent home... so I'll just have to get over my lil pet peeve.

Vocals: 5
Style: 4
Stage Presence: 4
Individuality: 5
Song Choice: 3
Total: 21
Probability of moving on: Good

Finally the judges had to earn a paycheck when they had to break it to sweet little Eben Franckewitz that his performance was the weakest of the night.


Of course they didn't say that but it was pretty obvious to those of watching the show. There were a lot of flat notes easily recognized by some of us with no musical training, so this early favorite who normally sings like an angel should thank his lucky stars that he was placed toward the end of the show when voters are more likely to remember him. It is also fortunate we already know he can do better from all the exposure he got in the earlier rounds. While the Adele tune didn't do him any favors, he'll likely get another chance to wow America.

Vocals: 3
Style: 4
Stage Presence: 4
Individuality: 4
Song Choice: 4
Total: 19
Probability of moving on: Fair to Good

The jury is still out for me for Heejun Han.


I love his voice but his personality seems a bit... editorially enhanced. His battle with the obnoxious cowboy during group round made him seem a bit whiny, and added to that his low self-esteem these are not attractive qualities for an American Idol. I did like the fact he owned up to the things he said right to the person, which showed honor - so let's see more of that. And more of his playfulness. And more of his vocal prowess. I think he's had enough exposure that his strong performance tonight will send him through to the next round.

Vocals: 4
Style: 4
Stage Presence: 4
Individuality: 5
Song Choice: 5
Total: 22
Probability of moving on: Strong

Joshua Ledet is another early favorite.


He won me over with a gospel flavored "Jar of Hearts" during the Hollywood auditions. Another young guy with an old soul, he resurrects the blues and gospel greats who have come before him by singing with such conviction he's no longer simply singing. He's bearing his soul. Normally I don't like to see hopefuls use the songs of other Idols for the live performances, but that it was a JHud song makes it forgivable. I love when singers tackle songs from artists of the opposite sex because it brings something inherently new to the music. And with Joshua, it is ALL about soul. This is how you put your fingerprint on a song and make it stand out from the pack, rather than just sing a song well like earlier contestants did.

And apparently it makes J-Lo wanna punch ya. An Idol first?

Vocals: 5
Style: 5
Stage Presence: 5
Individuality: 5
Song Choice: 5
Total: 25
Probability of moving on: Strong

While Joshua earned the coveted Pimp Spot, the producers decided to throw their latest curve ball at us by revealing the guy they brought back for the semifinals. I had a feeling it would be our gentle giant, Jermaine Jones.


Can I just say... I want to hug this man. What a teddy bear - gentle giant, indeed. There's just something about him that touches my heart. Maybe his relationship with his mother, or the tender rendition of the Luther Vandross song, "Dance With My Father," but I'm right there with him emotionally. He made me cry last week and twice this week. So let it be known I'm rooting for him just from a very personal place that has no objectivity.

Bear all future critiques of him (because I'm sure there will be more) with that in mind.

Vocals: 5
Style: 5
Stage Presence: 4
Individuality: 5
Song Choice: 5
Total: 24
Probability of moving on: Strong

So who's going home? There's really no way for me to tell. Eight guys are going to go home and talent has little to do with levels of talent at this point as it's pretty evenly distributed. It makes me sorely miss the good ol' days when the semifinals lasted more than just one week. I could see letting two go, maybe even four. Eight?

There's no way to call this.

I know who I want to stay (DeAndre, Creighton and Jermaine) and who SHOULD stay (Joshua)... but everything else is a crap shoot up to the American voting public.

(Be afraid... very afraid.)

American Idol Season 11 Top 24

I think Season 11 can be summed up in two words: Second Chances. We have several in the top 24 that didn't quite make it in Season 10, including Brielle Von Hugel, Colton Dixon and Hollie Cavanagh, whose emotional journey cut short last year strangely wasn't even touched upon during the audition/Hollywood Week. (Unless I missed it, which is entirely possible. There's a lot going on this year hence why I'm so late with my annual Gab Fest about one of my favorite shows.)

For me, however, I'm most excited to see what's going to happen with DeAndre Brackensick. I was upset last year when he didn't make it because I thought he had the total package. There was such promise during Hollywood Week when the Minors OWNED Queen's classic "Somebody to Love."



There was such promise I couldn't wait to see what he'd do next. Sadly he didn't make it to the live performances and the nationwide vote.

So this year when he once again stunned during the preliminary performances in Las Vegas, I was so excited not only to see he'd returned BUT that he could still just knock that falsetto out of the park.



Goosebumps, I tell you. GOOSE. BUMPS.

I'm really excited to see what he's going to do.

Some of my early favorites include Creighton Fraker, Eben Franckewitz, Jen Hirsh, Joshua Ledet, Jessica Sanchez and of course Reed Grimm, who looks like he's going to be loads of fun.

So bring it on top 24 (25?.) I am SO ready for the live shows.

(Go DeAndre!)

Why I Write Fiction With Plus-Sized Heroines

The first (and obvious) reason would be because I myself am a plus-sized woman. The go-to advice for any writer is to write what you know, but for many years I always wrote about the women I used to read about in any of the other books I read. I mimicked Danielle Steel in creating blindingly beautiful women that every man wanted. My first version of "Picture Postcards"* was written in this way way back in 1996, whereupon publishers promptly rejected the work because the character was out of reach for being "too perfect."

I wrote two more romances before I finally decided it was time to write about someone a little more like me, which I did with "Love Plus One." And to be totally honest with you, it was the most fun I ever had writing a romance novel.

What made me sit in the chair initially, however, was that I was hacked off about the typical romance novels I read that glorified the thin, perfect heroine and cast any pudgy girl as the comic relief. If she got any guy it was usually someone who was like her, i.e. overweight and without a lot of options.

Though I loved her while I was a teenager, Danielle Steel was tops of my shit-list when it came to this kind of literary condescension. I can't remember the book but I do remember that she used fat to make a character less sympathetic. I believe it was in a book where she tackled the serious issue of domestic abuse, which of course immediately offended me.

So I decided there weren't enough heroines out there who looked like the typical American woman, and they needed a voice. They needed someone to tell them that even if you don't lose weight to get to a perfect size you can be loved perfectly for who you are.

You don't see this represented in the media. Far too many fashion designers treat the female body as nothing more than a human hanger for their clothes. Curves are vilified. Models run the general gamut of looking like prepubescent boys to underweight, sickly drug addicts.

It's gotten so bad that models who wear a size 6 may be considered "plus-sized." To put that in perspective, according to her dressmaker Marilyn Monroe was 36-23-37. A size 6 at Victoria's Secret is 35.5-27-37.5.

Technically this is still a small according to VS standards, but according to an ABC report a couple of weeks ago that is where many modeling agencies start their plus-size model criteria.

Instead these women the fashion world use to make us buy their product, whom they exalt as the ideal, weigh 23% less than the average women.

This is ridiculous. But yet it's celebrated.



In today's culture Marilyn Monroe would be smeared on the cover of the tabloid magazines; paparazzi would wait in the bushes to get unflattering photos of her backside to sell copies of their rag-mags.

IF she'd even be famous at all.

Things have changed a bit in standards of beauty and sex appeal since Marilyn's generation.



If a woman gains weight, she is subject to scrutiny and her press is generally negative. If a little 13-year-old like X-Factor's Rachel Crow loses 15 pounds she's lauded as a good role model, even though most of her extra weight was that awkward result of how her body was adjusting to adolescence.

This is why young girls are discouraged from dieting because their bodies are still developing. (Teens who diet also fall prey to other behavior problems and eating disorders.)

But in our country the very worst thing you can be is a fat woman.

You see the sob stories on talk shows where they pick that one girl who never got a date because she was too fat (when really that has more to do with an absence of self-esteem, rather than the presence of some extra cellulite.) We watch outrageous competitions like The Biggest Loser riding the sofa to be "inspired" by dramatic weight loss that is medically cautioned against.

Typically you are supposed to lose about 1-2 pounds a week for sustainable weight loss... but it's so bad to be overweight in our country the weight has to come off RIGHT NOW or else you're just a useless pile of blubber that doesn't even count as a whole person.

This results in these sort of fad/crash diets that only make us FATTER. It is by no coincidence that a country that makes billions (with a B) in the diet industry is also one of the most obese in the world.

(Note that the obese person in question in the above photo is - surprise, surprise - a WOMAN.)

Despite the fact that 34% of Americans are obese you can be discriminated against for employment and generally mocked in the media. Even shows like "Mike and Molly," which star plus-sized actors who find love with each other, the main joke of the series is how fat is funny.

It's not funny. Most fat people are burying pain and insecurities in the same way other people abuse other vices (which can include spending themselves into debt or having sex with anything that moves -- provided it's not fat.)

The only difference between any of us with impulse control problems is you can see where we need work. Generally we don't see your bank account or get a bedside view of all your kinky sex habits.

Which is why it's kind of foolish to assume that just because people don't wear their issues on their bodies doesn't meant mean they don't have any.

The fact is anyone who shuns a fat person for being fat, or judges them harshly because of it, has pretty big issues of his or her own. It's as hateful as any other bigotry... and as unfounded. Just because you know I have extra weight doesn't mean you know me.

It doesn't make me lazy. It doesn't make me stupid. Most of all it doesn't make me desperate.

Which is why I got out some aggression in "Love Plus One." If you've ever carried an extra few pounds and other girls turned into catty little jerks because of it... this book is for you.

There's some ugliness going on, but it's not what you may think you look like in the mirror. It's the disdain and condescension you get from others who think you're somehow lesser than because of the size dress you wear.

The only time you become lesser-than is if you believe it. These do not have to be your standards.

And, even more importantly, you can raise your standards in regards to anyone else. If they can't see past your weight to see how much you can contribute, your talents and your skill, your devotion and your dedication, then they don't deserve a place in your life in the first place.

Those are superficial, shallow people who would never see you as a person no matter what you do. If it's not fat it'd be some other little quirk or trait that would prompt them to find yet another reason to stuff you in a box so they don't have to bother with getting to know you AND being responsible for their side of the social contract.

A person who can be bigoted for one reason can be bigoted for any reason, but you can rise above them.

This is the "moral" if you will I addressed in my book. Find your value beyond all that petty, immature behavior and only invest yourself in those willing to do likewise.

I don't always take the self-esteem issue route. In "Groupie" my heroine was proud of her curves and knew how to use them. She understood not every guy would appreciate it but she wasn't about to change herself or make herself feel bad because of the superficial standards of someone else.

Believe me, someone out there will find you attractive even if the society around you tries to make you feel like a failure because you commit the crime of being fat. In my books it's usually more than one guy. In the last 25 years I have been single a grand total of two and a half years. And if I wasn't dating or married (and even if I was) there were those who were interested aside from my spouses.

I didn't let fat stop me. I didn't let it stop me from getting a job, getting a man, having a family, or most importantly... being happy even when the world around me didn't think I had any right to be so. (This included members of my very own family.)

Do people still look at me like I'm a failure? Of course. But I don't live my life to their standards. If I did I would not have raised two AMAZING men to adulthood, been married to two of the most wonderful men on planet Earth and made the life of my dreams a reality.

Maybe I had to work a little harder but it only made me appreciate it more.

And now I can turn all that into stories for other women and girls who wondered, like I did when I was 16, if I would ever find someone to love. The answer is yes. Look in the mirror and start there.

So far the response has been overwhelmingly positive. My two romances, "Love Plus One" and the revamped "Under Texas Skies" are my biggest sellers thus far. It prompted a rewrite of nearly other story so that I can cast dynamic, diverse women of size in roles I previously only reserved for the thin and beautiful because I thought that was what the audience wanted.

What the audience wants is someone genuine they can believe in, and so I leave a little bit of me in every single heroine.

I write fiction with plus-sized heroines because despite what the world around you wants to tell you, you're f!cking perfect. And you deserve a chance to shine.



*"Picture Postcards" is due for a rewrite and release in 2012 as a Rubenesque romance fairytale.

Storytelling Instincts vs. Formulaic Expectation

WARNING: THIS BLOG CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR THE NEW GINGER VOIGHT BOOK "GROUPIE" AVAILABLE NOW FROM AMAZON FOR YOUR KINDLE!
>
>

>
>
>
>
As an author, I have come to trust my storytelling instincts... so much so that I allow my characters a lot of leeway to make decisions that threaten to ultimately change the landscape of my best-laid plans.

This means that sometimes I go outside of convention and buck genre rules; I'm here to write the story true to my vision and my characters and I can tell you even with my romances you may get some payoff, but I can't guarantee you a Happily Ever After.

Some of my romances are more traditional, but others involve triangles where I give the characters what they need, rather than what you may want for them. In fact, I always aspire to fill my characters' needs more than their goals, and sometimes it ain't pretty.

This was especially the case in my latest book, GROUPIE. When I started out, I aspired to write the typical "romance" where girl falls in love with her fantasy guy, they have a wild relationship full of ups and downs, and ultimately she gets her absolutely completely belief-suspending and unrealistic happy ending.

As much as we want to believe it, there is nothing realistic about an average girl getting the womanizing rock god who juggles a handful of relationships to commit and be devoted after 300 pages.

He may love our heroine... but the question is does he love her MORE than he loves himself?

As long as fame is driven by ego this is an iffy proposition at BEST. There's a reason that long-term romances and marriages are the exception rather than the rule in "Hollywood." I know these guys and I know people who have loved and been seduced by them. It's exciting and titillating, but generally it's the kind of thing you enjoy for the moment, rather than a lifetime.

The whole reason I chose this particular sandbox to play in was to dig down deep behind the weird, seductive and often completely fabricated world of celebrity. I love to turn expectation on its ear; that will prompt me to write quicker than anything.

So I set out to bring something real to the illusion, and do it in a way that everyone could connect to regardless if you've spent time following around a rock band on the road.

Odds are many of us will never get our chance to be with our celebrity crushes; but I'm guessing most of us know what it's like to be cheated on and lied to by a womanizer. I'm also guessing most of us have fallen for the one we couldn't truly have, and hung in there through imbalanced relationships.

Girls think having the celebrity would be glamorous, sexy and exciting. But there's a dark underbelly of that world where you have to share your man with the world - and a litany of other women (both sane and insane) that hate you and are almost literally gunning to take your place.

(This is the B-plot of GROUPIE, which makes it more than just a genre romance from the opening chapter... thus strict genre conventions don't necessarily apply.)

Having said that, I should probably confess that until the book was about three-quarters done I was still willing to grit my teeth and do it to give my audience what they wanted. My characters, however, had a mind of their own. I found myself going the more Danielle Steel route by torturing my heroine and putting her through a variety of near-misses to make HER grow and become the person she needed to be happy all on her own.

Like with any of us, then and only then can we truly be happy with anyone else. (It's not easy being a feminist romantic.)

Needless to say this put me in QUITE the quandary of following genre convention vs. my own storytelling instinct. I found my original plot not serving the characters as they were written, which was as honestly as I dared write. Each decision that they made had natural, organic consequences that escalated their conflict (rule #1 in dramatic storytelling.) The further down the rabbit hole I went I realized the story simply could not tie up in a happy little bow. To do so would have robbed the story of its integrity, and cheapened all the characters I came to love.

I would have to bend my own rules and undercut my own standards to Macgyver it to give it the HEA the romance genre often demands.

After some agonizing soul searching I realized I just couldn't do it. Sorry, folks. I'm always going to default to story over genre. Genre may be how I sell it to you... but story is how I sell it to myself.

Granted there are plenty of romances that do not have a true "happy" endings, but modern readers prefer to see the girl get the guy of her dreams even if he is the absolute worst thing for her in the shape he's in.

I've reprogrammed a few frogs into princes in my day, and this is not an easy task. To quote Roseanne, "You think they come out of a BOX that way?" This can take years... and to say that Vanni is a fixer-upper is putting it mildly.

But I get it that a majority of romance readers couldn't give a rip how "unrealistic" it was to complete a miraculous conversion for my romantic hero. The general understanding is that women don't pick up romance novels for realism but I will let you in on a little secret: I have more faith in my readers than that. If you make it to the end of this book then I've already done something right by giving you characters in which you could invest yourself. If you're mad at me, then I've done my job as a romance writer; you WANT the characters you love to get together.

Guess what? I want that too. But it has to make sense.

In the case of GROUPIE, the leading man is an up and coming rock star whose need for fame and all its trappings, particularly LOTS of female attention, affects how he thinks and the decisions he makes. As far as he came within the three year time frame I covered in 300 pages he still wasn't evolved enough to give the readers - or the leading lady Andy - what they wanted (and deserved.)

Simply put there was more to this story than could be told in one book. To chop it off just to hang the ending on a HEA would have been a band-aid on a gaping wound. This guy has a lot of issues (which is why he was so fun to write,) but no real impetus to change. He gets too much of a payoff with his current behavior - which is further facilitated and encouraged by his growing fame. Changing that to make him a one-woman romantic hero would have felt like an abrupt cheat to his character and their story. At least to me.

And frankly I'm the person I write these books for in the first place. I'm glad (and often ASTONISHED) that other people love these stories and characters as much as I do. But in the end, I have to do what is right for me.

I'm the parent. These are my babies. And I have final authority on how they "grow up."

(Interestingly enough those readers and consultants who have actually had relationships with celebrities and musicians were the ones who advocated the strongest against a cliche HEA. And it was with great consideration that I weighed their advice and experience when crafting the ending of this book.)

That means I deliberately crafted each part of GROUPIE, even if I ended it differently than I originally planned. This was thanks mostly to the introduction of Graham, a character wrote himself in and created UTTER CHAOS by being the kind of man Vanni is just unable at this point to be.

As a writer, and a woman, I was torn myself between TEAM VANNI and TEAM GRAHAM.

Despite this, I am very happy with the way that it ended and think it's a much stronger story because of his presence and triangle that resulted.

And I'll even tell you this: this wasn't the first or even second or third ending that I crafted for the book. When I realized the story would have to go on past the end of this book, I tried to cheat a sorta HEA ending. My early readers (editors, consultants, friends AND husband) let me know that kind of ending fell flat and rang inauthentic... which proves once again that if I can't sell it to myself I just can't sell it to anyone else either.

So I wrote the ending that made sense to me. The characters all stayed true to their character and made their decisions accordingly, especially Andy. She made conscious choices based on the integrity of her character rather than her need to be in a relationship. This kept all the strong, wonderful qualities that attracted Vanni to her in the first place intact.

Because of this, it makes any possible HEA from upcoming books starring these characters pack a stronger, more organic emotional punch.

Bottom line, I knew when I published GROUPIE that I'd make a lot of enemies from those who prize the HEA as part of their romance reading experience. It's your payoff, and I realize that depriving you of it doesn't make you happy with me. I accept the consequences of that. All I can really do is ask that you trust your storyteller, even if you aren't crazy about some of the twists and turns I may take you on.

I'll repeat Vanni's melodic plea, "Don't give up on me yet."

I have a plan. This isn't the ending... just a new beginning.

Confessions of a "Groupie" - Author Backstory

For anyone who knows me even remotely, especially my work within some celebrity fan circles, you may wonder what prompted me to write the romantic, sexy, fantasy-filled backstage look at stars and celebrities romp "GROUPIE."

Truthfully, this is a book that has been in the making since roughly 1979, when I first had my first celebrity crush. I was about nine years old when Cupid's arrow hit from a console television set, when one of the local stations in Abilene, Texas began playing reruns of The Monkees.

Of course, I didn't understand the concept of a rerun back then. I wasn't even convinced that singers weren't actually showing up in the radio station to sing songs throughout the day. All I knew was that the guys in the band were cute and made me laugh.

One in particular looked especially young, and in my nine year old brain that meant he was accessible. He had a baby face and deep, brown eyes and an accent completely foreign to my West Texas ears.

I had fallen like a brick for Davy Jones.



Imagine my devastation when I learned that he was actually about twenty years older than I originally thought. This, in my mind, meant he was out of my league. Not that he was a celebrity, not that he wasn't anywhere remotely close to Texas, but that he was twenty years older and married.

I was crushed.

Eventually I would move on thanks to a fortuitous Christmas gift from my parents. My Bert & Ernie AM/FM radio allowed me the freedom to discover my own music. Because my nearest sibling was a decade older than I was, I spent most of my childhood as an "only child" – one that would have to come up with creative ways to pass the time.

Most of this I did in my bedroom, where the burgeoning storyteller began to take shape courtesy of my Fisher Price Little People and my growing population of Barbie dolls. My constant companion was my radio, and 1979 was probably my favorite year in music. It was new, it was exciting and most of all it was completely different than the Country & Western stuff my parents loved.

I sold my soul to rock and roll.

One of my favorite songs that year was a tune called "Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin'" by Journey. I loved the more primal beat, even though I was much too young to understand the overtones of the lyrics. It took me a good decade to understand the barrage of "nah nah nah nah nahs" at the end of the track were virtually the singer saying, "Nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah" to a cheating ex.

At the time I just loved the beat of the song and the pure vocal of the lead singer. I would belt it out with vigor every time it played on the radio.

A couple of years later I was staying up late waiting for my mom to come home from work, and much to my surprise (and delight) I found out Journey would perform said hit on a rerun of "The Midnight Special." I perched in front of the TV in my jammies and waited with bated breath.

When I first laid eyes on the lead singer, I didn't know quite what to think. He had long dark hair, something I wasn't used to seeing around my military town. He had a prominent profile and a face full of character, an ethnicity I found exotic and strange. From the way he dressed to how he sang, I really didn't know what to make of him. Then he went down into the first row of the crowd and sang directly to one of the girls, which tattooed itself immediately onto my 11-year-old brain and even eventually made its way into "Groupie."



I still loved the song, and couldn't really get the lead singer out of my head, even though my initial response wasn't the starry eyed infatuation I felt for Davy Jones.

I continued as a fan of the music mostly, but nothing could prepare me for that one summer night in 1983 when I would fall completely and hopelessly in love with a man I'd never met.

Back in the early 80s my mom was raising me as a single parent, and as such didn't see much need for things like cable. I may have wanted my MTV like any other self-respecting teen of the decade, but I settled for Friday Night Videos.

When I saw that a Journey video for "Faithfully" was coming on, I remembered with a bit of a rush about the last time I had seen the band perform. Imagine my surprise when I realized that the lead singer's hair was shorter and he now sported a mustache.

I never cared for mustaches for traumatic personal reasons, so I found the new look a bit jarring. Eventually he ditched the mustache during the course of the video, and I found myself heave a sigh of relief that he looked more like the guy I remembered.

I listened as he sang about an undying, faithful love and after the second verse he turned to face the camera as he sang. A breeze lifted a tendril of his dark hair away from his face and his potent eyes stared deep into my soul as he sang, "I'm forever yours, faithfully."



I was a goner. My heart fell down somewhere near my feet and I think for a brief second there I forgot to breathe. Forget getting struck by Cupid's arrow – I had been leveled by a bolt of lightning. Within a week I had the Frontiers album in my hand and I showed my mom the man I knew I was going to marry.

These were big words for a thirteen year old.

Over the course of my teen years Steve Perry would come to define my ideal. I was kissing a lot of frogs in those days, so it was just easier to put all my hopelessly romantic fantasies onto a person safely at arm's length.

He was a safe outlet to love until I met my first husband and fell in love "for real" when I was about 18.

But I can still feel my heart soar whenever I hear Steve sing, and I know down deep that this celebrity crush actually helped get me through some very painful and difficult years as an outcast, with nowhere to belong and no one to choose me.



I'm still a fan, although I've given up on the marrying part. (Those who know me did tease me about my second husband being a "Steve" though.)

Many years later I would meet another celebrity who would have the same sort of impact in a more significant way. It started rather innocently while watching VH1 in 2002, when I caught a series that featured various celebrities waxing nostalgic about the 1980s. Some of the celebrities I knew, but one in particular, the one that stood out the most, I had never seen before.

But his comments were the funniest, and it seemed like my best friend of 20-something years and my second husband were all rolled up into one cute, comedic package.



I found myself looking forward to comments from Hal Sparks the most, and over the course of the next few years (and several "I Love the" series) I became sort of what you would call a semi-fan. It took me a year or so to get on the computer and find information about him. At this time I was still fairly content to keep celebrities behind the velvet rope. In 1998 I had attempted to meet a couple of my teen idols and was treated very poorly by one of the members of a band I had loved throughout my adolescent years. This rejection was directly due to my larger size, and this individual made sure I knew that he wanted nothing to do with me because of it.

When my friend tried to get a picture of me and this person, he made sure he grabbed a random stranger passing by to put right in the middle of us so he wouldn't have stand next to me. (Look for me to get even with this individual in the next book. I think I shall name him.... NEAL.)

Needless to say I was ready to keep all the celebrities I *really* liked under glass so I wouldn't risk this type of painful rejection in the future.

The more I read about Hal the more I thought about going to one of his comedy shows, because everyone had nothing but glowing comments about how wonderfully he treated his fans. Still, I was unsure and stayed mainly on the fringe of the fandom. I didn't even get involved with individuals on the message boards because whenever I tried that in the past it always ended poorly.

It was then I learned that some groupies and fans are a breed all their own.

So I missed out on things like Hal's Sparksvision, where about 80 of his fans convened on Los Angeles to enjoy a movie premiere, a comedy show and a chance to see his band play live.

I was way too gunshy to even think about participating in such an event in September of 2004.

But a mere few months later I would get another big surprise. In November, just days before my birthday, I opened up my email inbox to find an email from Hal himself. Initially I thought it was an auto-reply to let me know I had successfully joined the mailing list for his website. But when I opened it, it read, "A little birdy, and by little birdy I mean that big birdy you're married to, said that it was your birthday!" He wished me a happy birthday and a great year and I sat thunderstruck at my computer desk that this person I hadn't even tried to meet could reach out to contact me.

I would come later to learn that was just the kind of guy Hal was. Even at his Sparksvision event he would go seek out those fans too shy to meet him so he could connect with them in some way.

I met Hal for the first time eight months later, when I made sort of a pilgrimage to see one of his comedy shows in San Francisco. I was still nervous that I would be rejected, especially since Hal is a good looking guy who makes no bones about appreciating good looking women. I even shied away from going up to meet him in between the two comedy shows because I thought just seeing him perform in person was enough to make me happy.

Eventually, thanks mostly to the two-drink minimum (times 2,) I was able to go up and meet him for the first time. When he looked at me I didn't feel rejected, if anything I felt completely "seen" for the first time ever. He has these dark, soulful eyes that reach right down into your core and immediately put you at ease. I nervously teased that I had driven through a tornado to meet him (true story) and therefore I deserved a hug. He gave me one freely, and not one of those wimpy side hugs but a full body head-to-toe hug.

Then he pulled me close for a picture, where he smiled big as though he were happy to do it, and made sure to give me another hug before I left.


I was hooked from that moment on. He didn't just treat me well as a fan, he made me feel valued as a person. There is NO ONE I've ever seen that has this much consideration for his fans, who will stand in line for two hours straight and still be as genuine with the last of the group as he was with the first.



This affirmation came at a point when I didn't feel that from a lot of people, particularly men, and helped me grow in confidence and self-esteem. It even gave me the courage to chase after yet another idol who had the same kind of impact on me that Steve Perry once did, turning me into a screaming teenager whenever he looked into the camera.

If anyone knew me from those days, you probably get a good idea who inspired Vanni – right down to the similar-sounding nickname.

*cough*Connie*cough*



Mix that swagger and intensity with Ryan Reynolds' physique and you have Vanni. ;)

Because of how well Hal had treated me I jumped headlong into promoting him and even getting involved in the fandom, which were filled with more normal people than I had found in fandoms previously. I figured that like attracts like, and the people that Hal attracted were just at a more evolved state as human beings.

Of course they weren't ALL that way, and over the years I've spent in Hal's group of fans I've seen quite a cast of characters come through.

And it is through all of these experiences that I finally decided to write a story from the fan point of view of that fantasy relationship with her favorite rock star.

I think this is a common fantasy that most of the women I've known have had a time or two, and it was interesting to write it from the perspective as the groupie who gets the star because I myself have never experienced this phenomenon, nor do I think I ever would even if I were single. The fantasy is a fantasy because real life can never creep in with all its disappointments and heartbreak.

The groupie experience from what I've seen is quite similar to the experiences I've had as the "fat girl," who had the good looking guy give her attention behind closed doors but never had the opportunity to be the gal on his arm, and it is that emotional integrity I brought to the book.

There may be those who think that this book is about any one person in particular, but this is not the case. Vanni is a mix of what attracted me to my idols, with my own spin on what I would have wanted from them if I had pursued anything. The groupies, including Andy herself, were more a combination of the people I've met and known throughout the years, but most of the people present were basically enhanced for effect within the story. This includes Talia, the stalker-groupie, who encompasses all the negative things I've seen regarding some of the more aggressive (and questionably unhinged) folks who didn't quite recognize or understand boundaries.

Essentially I took everything I've seen and learned and turned it up to "11."

Hence the dedication of the book, for anyone who sees themselves in these characters and thinks that I have used them or their likenesses for the story. There are only three people in the book based on real people, and those people were acknowledged with special thanks for all their help both with the story and with research.

That means if I didn't specifically tell you a character was based on you, it wasn't. This book wasn't a tell-all vindictive piece. It was a book of fiction based on fantasy, with a plot crafted for effect.

(But I'm willing to wager I'll still be on several people's shit list regardless of this disclaimer, which kind of makes this fantasy world within my book so much fun to twist around for my own purposes. ;) )

Now, for you readers who want to throttle me right now because of how the book ends, all I can say is hold off burning me in effigy until after the sequel, "Rock Star." The "journey" is far from over, and could not be summed up in one book.

There's more sex, love, angst and scandal to come.

"Dirty Little Secrets" backstory. An author insight.

I conceived the idea for Dirty Little Secrets way back in 2002. It was the second screenplay I endeavored to write and I think I wrote it in about a week; the last 40 pages I wrote in one complete stretch. It changed somewhat over the years, but never more than in the novel version. In 2009 I decided to make it into a book via my annual NaNoWriMo writing marathon, and because I had the room to grow and explore some of the things I didn't in the script I went into some deeper history to what made my characters tick. I also got to add a ghost, which is always fun. I personally like learning more about the characters and story by digging a little deeper. We writers like to think we can "control" the worlds we create but sometimes characters have a mind of their own.

This was never more true than with Mike, the antagonist of Dirty Little Secrets. Originally the story was going to be a glimpse inside what it would be like to grow up gay in an extremist religious household, and how denying oneself could lead to self-destruction. My protagonist, Grace, was 19 years old and pretty far gone in all kinds of addictive behavior, using her body to get the slow poison meant to kill her.

That's all I had, really, when I set out to write. These were the pre-outline days when I just couldn't wait to jump right into a story. I had a vague idea where I was going, but no real "plot" to speak of.

I was ready to let the story reveal itself to me.

A few pages in, Steven told me that she needed someone in her world she could talk to. As the story starts, Grace is fairly isolated, and he felt that giving her someone – a friend or someone she could commiserate with – would be a good thing for her and for the story.

I agreed and I write the introductory scene for Mike, who – the minute I hit the return key to give him his first lines of dialogue – turned sinister within the first few words he spoke. Essentially, Mike becomes the physical embodiment of all the ways she was abusing herself.

That piece of the puzzle connected to the major plot point, where Grace causes the accident that would kill Mike's pregnant wife – that would literally blow up the small, conservative town of Jonston, Texas with all the dirty little secrets everyone had been keeping.

No one was safe from the literary shrapnel that came from that first, fortuitous meeting of a character I never knew was going to be a part of the story.

I love it when stuff clicks like that.

Eventually I did give Grace a friend, a person I originally meant for her to fall in love with and discover her own personal truth. But as it turns out to write Grace as gay actually didn't feel authentic to the character. I allowed her to find love, but it was with the person she always needed to love… herself.

I put Grace *through it* in DLS. This is not a light read by any stretch. It tackles pretty much every dark secret one could have in a southern town that prides itself on spiritual superiority. It was a bit of a an odyssey for me as well, given that I grew up the product of sexual abuse at a young age, similar to Grace. There's an unspoken shame that comes from the condemnation of stout religious fundamentalism. I was bad. I was forsaken by God and thus had no real purpose or worth after being "tainted" or "stained."

I knew a lot about Grace's journey, except in place of drugs I used sex and food.

The similarity of her name, Grace McKinney, and my maiden name, Ginger McCandless, struck me only after I wrote it.

And it makes the dramatic ending of the story that much harder for me to read. It's no wonder I regurgitated it all out in a 40 page writing frenzy. It came from a pretty dark place.

As a matter of fact, the original story was way, way more depressing. But a fellow writer, who told me after he read it that it was an important read even though he'd have to have a fifth of whiskey to read it, immediately pleaded Grace's cause that I had to change the ending. I had to keep it her story all the way through to the end.

I agreed to a point – but the fact was it wasn't just her story. The story is equally her father's, and he, in fact, needed to change the most through the story.

So I kept what I thought was a necessary, albeit sad/shocking/depressing/crushing climax of the story… but I did change direction in certain areas that I hope to be a more satisfactory ending for those who fell in love with Grace throughout her painful journey.

Above all it's a journey of hope – of rebirth… of salvation and self-realization.

In that way it is very fitting that it is my debut novel.

Enter to win one of five "Dirty Little Secrets" paperbacks through Goodreads, contest ends September 30.

Piers Morgan vs. Steven Retchless on AGT

On that "other" talent show "America's Got Talent," caustic Simon Cowell wannabe Piers Morgan prides himself as being the one to tell it straight.

In the case of Steven Retchless, the male pole dancer, he prefers to keep it VERY straight.

Ever since Steven first auditioned (in heels, no less) Piers has buzzed EACH and EVERY performance (aside from the Vegas one, which he couldn't), all the way to the semi-finals. He has maintained that Vegas is no place for a male pole dancing act (which is kind of like saying Vegas is no place for a slot machine or shrimp cocktail.) More truthfully Piers himself wouldn't want to go see a male pole dancer, so therefore none of us would pay the money to go see it.

Speak for yourself, dude. People who don't mind looking at the beautiful lines of a fit male body kinda prefer it. When I do my armchair judging for AGT my main criteria is if I would pay $50-100 a ticket to see it in Vegas.

I'd pay to see Steven over some of the acts that have already made it through to the top 10, and *easily* over about eight of the twelve featured tonight.

Let's break this down a bit. Though pole dancing is traditionally considered more seedy and X-rated, what Steven does on the pole is not inherently sexual. It does demonstrate the art of the entire male body, but what he does has more to do with strength, poise, grace, and agility. In truth what he does on that pole is nothing short of poetry written by the body. He has taken what the male form can do and stretched it to every conceivable limit, and it is a beautiful, amazing thing.



BUT... Piers has decided that it isn't appropriate and there's no place for it.



This is a position he maintains even though Steven has been voted through to the semi-final around (and I hope on to the top 10.)

Here's my problem with his argument: It's bullshit.

He says that he buzzed Steven (even though the performance was flawless) because it has no chance to be a million-dollar act.

YET....

He doesn't buzz The Kinetic King (another favorite but let's be honest... he has 0 chance to win,) he doesn't buzz Snap Boogie even though he claimed to hate everything about the act and then he gives a standing ovation to Anna Graceman, who butchered "Home Sweet Home."

For the record, THIS is how you vocally blow apart that song: Carrie Underwood

Compare that to this version and you can clearly see how many times she missed notes, particularly in her lower register: Anna Graceman

(For the record I like Anna and have been a fan from the beginning, but if you're going to claim that you're keeping it real, by God... keep it real.)

So why, then, would Piers opt to buzz Steven each and every performance? The excuse that it couldn't be win or be an act in Vegas - not consistent. The argument there are no clubs or audiences for male pole dancing - bald-faced lie, as evidenced by the fact that is what Steven does FOR A LIVING. You can't support yourself with your talent unless there is an audience, and where BETTER in this country to do it than in the Anything Goes atmosphere of Las Vegas?

What seems far more likely to me, at least from where I'm standing, is that the act makes him uncomfortable. If that was a female pole dancer, doing the same kind of act and the same kinds of stunts, would he buzz her?

I don't think so.

For your consideration, I present exhibit A:

The very first time we saw Steven, note that Piers buzzed him when he spread his legs:



If he performed like this:



Piers' head might actually explode.

I think that seeing the male form in such an open and raw way challenges what he thinks about sensuality. In other words... it may be stirring the little Morgan, and that's why he has decided to be consistently critical of an act that by all his other standards is not only up to par but exceeds them.

He hasn't fallen, he doesn't mess up the routine, he accomplishes great feats of strength and agility AND he's doing something completely original. So that means the reason Piers continues to buzz him when he lets other contestants off the hook is completely personal, rather than objective.

And because of that, Piers Morgan has officially lost any credibility when it comes to objectively judging the acts on AGT.

Which is a shame, because that's really the only credibility he had left.

Being pissy to a talented dancer just because he makes you feel oogie doesn't make you a hardass.

It just makes you sound like a frustrated Queen who lost the keys to her closet.