T.K. Turner's Blog, page 22

My (lack of) green thumb

It's spring, it's green, flowers are popping up everywhere and I'm giddy from Texas sunshine. Yesterday I got it into my head that I should start a garden. Little mind the fact I have an apartment with no backyard to speak of... Or that I massacre vegetation with the same zeal I butcher babies...


In the third grade I had to do this photosynthesis project by growing my own plant and then studying the cells under a microscope to show to the class. By the end of the seven or eight weeks, everyone in my class produced long, beautiful green shoots... I was the only child standing there with an empty cup of dirt.


"Your lima bean didn't grow, TK. It's dead." I failed that assignment. Damn.


But I'm determined to redeem myself this time. Here's what I got: (left to right) Mint, Dill, and Arugula.


I'm most excited about the mint and arugula. I never tasted arugula before--it's a delicious spicy little leaf. I like it a lot. The dill is for my guinea pigs.


Getting into the spirit of things, my boyfriend and I also purchased a wind chime. Big mistake. It was nice at first but the damn thing was too loud! Around 2am my boyfriend took it down so we could sleep! What do you think...pleasant or annoying? I don't have a camera so I was using my laptop webcam...excuse the poor quality! 

Smexxxy Friday

For some reason...it feels like it has been FOREVER since I've done a Smexxxy Friday. Out of all of my posts, I love doing the Smexxxy Friday ones best. Is is silly to say I look forward to it every week? Haha?



Anyway...Quills. The movie. It stars Kate Winslet, Joaquin Phoenix, and Geoffery Rush. A fictional account of the very real Marquis de Sade's life. Quills was nominated for an oscar, if you can believe that. Every erotic author should watch this movie. It speaks of a time when freedom of speech was not tolerated. Back in the day, if I tried to publish what I write now, I could've been hanged! As an erotic author, I was inspired.





This is one of the more twisted and fucked up movies I've seen. (Remember Eyes Wide Shut?) I was shouting at my TV: "What is HAPPENING?!" because my mind was melting between my ears every five seconds. Is it a horror? A comedy? An erotic film? Somewhere between all three? I don't know. 
The eroticism kept getting freakier and more twisted! I mean...I was almost beside myself when Joaquin Phoenix's character fucked a DEAD girl! I was like: NOOOOO! Necrophilia?! This is too far... even for me! Gross...but...wait...what's he doing? Hey, that's kinda hot. OMFG, am I really enjoying a sex scene with a CORPSE?!


Haha! You can watch this movie on Netflix, I think. Give it a try. I think you'll be surprised by how hilarious, absurd, and downright gorey this movie is. Not a bad way to spend a Friday night. 

And the winners are...

My apologies in drawing the winners so late! Things were so hectic at school...I had two major exams, a huge project (worth 20% of my grade!), and one essay to complete all last week! Sorry for the delay...


But without further ado, here are the winners to the April Fool's Hop Giveaway! I decided to sweeten the deal by drawing 4 lucky winners. 


1st place= Daily Flashes of Erotica + Her Temptress  
2nd place= Her Temptress + Novus Creatura Anthology 
3rd place= Her Temptress
4th place= Novus Creatura Anthology 




1st place CHRISTIE 
2nd place STACIE
3rd place MOONLIGHT GLEAM
4th place WANDA 


Congratulations you guys! Winners have already been notified. Thanks for playing! :) 


~Cheers from the Vegetarian Cannibal 

April Fools Giveaway Hop

I totally forgot I was part of a giveaway hop today! Doh! Leave a comment and you'll win a free copy of Daily Flashes of Erotica! Give an email address where I can contact you in case you win!

How NOT to respond to bad reviews

This has already gone viral and it happened this Monday. So perhaps you've heard about this. For new authors everywhere, be warned: when you get a bad review, do NOT respond to the reviewer. If you do choose to respond back, BE POLITE! 


This writer's meltdown is a lesson for all of us. She's become a cautionary tale (in just two days!) of what NOT to do! Remember, the small-press/indie community is very small...it doesn't take much to go from nobody to notoriety.


http://booksandpals.blogspot.com/2011/03/greek-seaman-jacqueline-howett.html

Top Ten Mistakes Writers Make...

I LOVE this website. I use it as my #1 resource when I'm writing. 




I'm guilty of empty adverbs, "to be" words, and repeats, I'm afraid. *sigh* How about you? 

Cannibalistic Confessions

I remember when "The Lovely Bones" was so popular and when everyone and their grandmother RAVED about the book. I don't follow trends or fads. So when someone says "X is great" I tend to do Y just to spite them. People who follow fads are stupid and most of them wouldn't know how to spot a good book even if it leapt off the shelf and flung itself between their eyes. Or, of course, if Oprah told them so.


But "The Lovely Bones" was on HBO or something, so I sat down and watched it. Halfway through the movie, I wanted to punch myself for decision. I'm not kidding...with five minutes of movie left to go I was done. There was no way I could sit through it anymore. My boyfriend begged me to keep watching just we could see the ending, but I had stomached as much of it as I could. In the end, he snatched the remote from me and forced me to watch the last five minutes.


So...here's the movie in a nutshell.


Creepy pedo-neighbor dude rapes and murders girl. Girl goes to heaven and stalks this boy and her lesbian friend back on earth. Her family tries to solve the case but in the end, never do. Girl possesses the body of her lesbian friend and makes out with the boy. She goes to heaven. The end.


However in the book...she basically RAPES her lesbian friend. She takes over her body without permission so she can have sex with this boy. Um...OK? Unprotected teenage sex = entrance into heaven? WTF?! What was the POINT of this dumbass story? She didn't help anyone solve her own murder OR save other children from being raped and killed! All she wanted to do was make goo-goo eyes at this boy.


Peter Jackson directed this movie...so maybe that should've been my first clue. The special effects were really pretty...but there was no substance. I kept waiting for it it to get good...but Nothing Ever Happened.


And THIS is why I don't follow fads. The only thing I loved about this movie was this song.

Respecting your characters

I don't give a shit about most of my characters. I torture and eat their babies. I give them horrible ironic deaths. I put them in impossible situations just to push their moral boundaries. I do this because their pain amuses me. They are my play-things and I have no respect for them. 


Which is becoming a problem...


I'm writing a novel now...and dammit...I actually have to give a crap about my main character. As a short story writer, I didn't have to invest much time and energy into my characters' personalities and backstories. None of that mattered to me. They weren't really "people." Just dolls to play with when I was bored. And as you know, my attention span is that of a gnat's. 


But a novel is completely different. You have to know your characters. Like really, KNOW them. Care for them, even. I have to think of my characters as friends or at least as "people." I have to throw myself entirely into their world and leave my own life behind. It's an engrossing process that takes time and diligence. 


Can I close my eyes and visualize this person? How should they talk? What motivates them? Is this character behaving authentically? And would I talk to this person in real life? 


When I'm bored, I can't just kill them off or randomly set their families on fire. That's immature and far too easy. They are alive in their stories, waiting for me to direct them to their climax and resolution. 


So in a way, I am their goddess...and as such, it is my responsibility to carry it through to the end. *sigh* 

Spring Fucking Break! Woohoo!

Hell fucking yeah, y'all! It's about damn time! GAWD! I'm so burned out from school, I don't even know what to tell you. It's been a struggle. I don't know if it's because I'm a senior and this is my last semester or what...but OH MY GOD I'm so happy it's spring break! 


I'm 22yrs old and I'm going to PARTY this year. Gonna get wasted in Mexico. Like, stupid drunk. I don't care, lol! I'm not staying home...sooooooooo that means I'll be away from this blog for a little bit. 


If you don't hear back from me...go ahead and assume the drug cartels have taken me hostage and sold me into slave trafficking. *grins* Don't look so worried...they only kidnap blondes so I should be fine. Right?  


Have an AWESOME spring break! I sure as hell will enjoy mine! 

10 interesting facts...

I'm nosey and I want to know. What are 10 interesting facts about you? I'll share mine if you share yours!


OK...I'll go first...


1. I was a zookeeper in high school. My favorite animal was a dromedary camel named Merlin. And no, camels do NOT spit. Some of my favorite memories? Bottle-feeding four surly aoudad sheep, nearly being attacked by a baboon, and entertaining two silly kinkajous on my lap while they recuperated from tummy troubles. Good times. From my experience at the zoo, I have a bitter hatred toward all species of birds. And sloths. 


2. I'm an anime-junkie and reformed yaoi-fan-girl. If you don't know what yaoi is...um...go look it up. 


3. I have a rare learning disability called dyscalculia. I literally don't know my left from my right, I cannot read analog clocks and I am unable to do arithmetic because I transpose numbers in my head. 


4. My first romantic crush was on The Nightmare Before Christmas's, Jack Skellington. I was in pre-school when I fell in love with him. Kinda warped that my first romantic interest would be in a singing undead creature, lol. 


5. I'm allergic to raw fruit.


6. I have, according to the Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator, the rarest personality type in the world. INFJ. I don't claim to have any "psychic" abilities though, however I am proficient in tarot-card reading. 


7.  I can have multiple orgasms, haha! And my orgasms look like colors, which is a very rare type of synesthesia. So far, they come in variations of light greens and dark purples. They sort of look like clouds...or an arc of color swirling above my head. Sometimes all I experience is a burst of color. I'm told only 1% of folks have this specific form of synesthesia. I don't know. *shrug* 


8. I am (sexually?) attracted to hands. I don't know why. But I am. Big, bulky hands are not attractive...strong, slender hands are much more appealing. And nail polish? I LOVE nail polish! There's nothing more exciting to me than nail polish! And for whatever reason...I find Asian male hands to be the most exquisite and sexually appealing! 


9. I really am a cannibal. And a vegetarian. Hee! (Someone actually emailed me and asked if I really was a cannibal a few months back. I emailed them back "yes.") So yeah, please don't report me for homicide. I haven't eaten anyone in almost a year! *points to the human flesh meter* See? 


10. The weirdest thing I ever ate was pig testicles. True story. They taste like scrambled eggs and aren't all that bad! *shrug*