T.K. Turner's Blog, page 2

Smexxxy Friday (Silicone Penis Injection)

Meet Mister Mark--a strange man who thought it would be a good idea to inject silicone into his penis. He now fondly calls his member "The Blob." Hmmm but I wonder what we shall call it? :)

Mister Mark (HUGE silicone penis enlargement) powered by YouPorn.
Mister Mark (HUGE silicone penis enlargement) powered by YouPorn.

Smexxxy Friday (Abella Anderson)

Since I gushed so much about Manuel Ferrara last week, let me go ga ga for my favorite female porn star, Abella Anderson. I stalk her on twitter but I cannot bring myself to tweet her. I get too nervous. I start blushing. My heart pounds. I have trouble swallowing and so I abandon the idea and just masturbate to her image instead, LOL LOL LOL!!!! I'm like that around all the girls I'm attracted to in real life too. I fidget, stammer, and start acting like a DORK! It's a wonder I got any girl-on-girl sex at all! I will now grace your screen with pictures of my beloved Cuban goddess. Yum yum yum! Abella Anderson...I-I-I-I FUCKING LOVE YOU!!!!!  [image error]

Necrophilia & Erotica

Am I the only one who finds necrophilia (as a concept) screamingly funny? I mean...I'm sure people do it. Otherwise it wouldn't be a "thing." I just have a hard time wrapping my head around the mechanics of it. Who looks at a dude in a coffin and thinks: "Easy pickings. I'll ride that thing till it breaks off!" Ha! Ha! Ha! Oh, dear...maggots.

*Snort* I kinda wanna write a necrophilic erotic story. Just for shits and giggles. Just to see if I can actually do it (convincingly) and get the damned thing published. And why not? If I can get a story about nuns and tentacles published, why not zombies? Why not necrophilia? The erotic genre is primed for creative exploration and boundary leaping. The erotic market is so much more lenient than other literary genres--and since I'm a twisted, depraved madwoman with a restless imagination, I honestly think I can excel in "weird erotica." Carve out my niche in sexual debauchery and perversion! 

There are things I write when I'm being "serious" and then the things I write when I'm being 100% sarcastic. When people take my erotica seriously, I always get a hysterical laugh out of it. Erotica is a playground. I can get away with shit I would NEVER be able to in a non-erotic press. If I want to explore my atheist musings, I can. If I want to experiment with racial topics, I can. If I want to discuss lesbian feminism and gender inequality, I can. Try doing that in another genre and see if it'll sell. It won't. 

I don't mind scraping it in the "underbelly" of the literary world. Most of what I write is "pulp" anyway.  If I can get you hot and bothered while stimulating your intellect, HURRAY! I want to engage my readers in any way I can. Mind and body, I'll rub them both! And why not? Why the fuck not? *wears shit-eating grin* Ohhhhhhh minions, I feel like writing something truly naughty! :D 

Smexxxy Friday (Manuel Ferrara)

Manuel Ferrara is a French porn star. And um...I kinda stalk him. On twitter. On porn sites (skip to 3:54) On
What I like most about Manuel Ferrara? His primal savagery. He fucks girls like some sort of beast...but he kisses them while he does it and gives them prolonged eye contact. It's what I call "fucking gently." When I watch him, I feel as if he's genuinely trying to make the woman orgasm. I don't feel like he's "working" for a shoot. And he has a cute French accent and he has a funny sense of humor and he's won dozens of porn awards...and um...he has LOTS of female fans. Apparently. *snort*

I'm not going to write much more...honestly my cheeks are flushed and I giggle each time I glance at the photo. So let's just end it here call it a day, eh? I don't usually have this electric thunderbolt reaction to men, but when I do it's like...ooooowaaaaah. *bites lips* Mmmmmmmmmm... *unwholesome thoughts flit through VC's head* 

Lemon Jelly: The Curse of Ka'zar

I give you jelly in your ears! Rejoice in the hypnotic curse of Ka'zar! This song pretty much sums up my mood as of late. A nice chill track to get you through your week, I hope! :) 

~Cheers from the Vegetarian Cannibal! 

Cannibalistic Confessions

I have a problem with men reading my work. I don't know why but I do. Perhaps it is my natural distrust of men due to my abusive background or something. I recognize I got some misandry issues. I will admit and say I don't write my books FOR MEN--my primary goal is to EMPOWER WOMEN. Specifically women of color and lesbians/bisexuals. Whenever I write a male protagonist  it is usually because I want to torture the shit out of him or perhaps kill him off in some gruesome, satirical way. That said, I always insert a positive male character in my stories for balance (I don't write lifetime movies, LOL!) 

Yet even though I dislike men reading my work, some of my most vocal supporters (and betas) have been men. Which is so strange! I take my work seriously and I'll be damned if I'm going to let some man dump on me. But that has never happened and it's like I've been bracing myself for nothing. And yet I still carry this absurd anxiety whenever I meet male writers/editors! 

I need to get over it. And pull my head out of my ass. Over and out, minions. 

Is my vibrator ruining my relationship?

Is my vibrator ruining my relationship?

A wonderful article about jealous boyfriends and the legendary Hitachi Magic Wand. Like the author of this article, my boyfriend has also expressed resentment for this toy. Even as I type this sentence, my steadfast electronic stallion is winking at me from my nightstand and my boyfriend is trying not to roll his eyes. 

I can't say enough about the Hitachi Magic Wand. This vibrator can make me cum in less than 20 seconds flat. And I wish I was joking. 20 seconds or less and I'm soaring on an endless train of orgasms. I'm multi-orgasmic and can achieve a dozen or more orgasms in rapid succession. Sometimes I squirt. Sometimes I see colors. More often than not, I just scream, lol. Annoys the neighbors and makes my boyfriend red-faced jealous. 

So it is understandable men might find this vibrator threatening. My boyfriend actually BURNT my Hitachi Magic Wand while I was out of town once! I'm sure it was unintentional...but I can't help but think there was some passive aggression involved. 

Hee! Ladies, do yourself a favor and BUY THIS TOY! You can get it on Amazon for 50 bucks. I haven't run into any clitoral desensitization but I also don't use it every day. The Hitachi is (without question) my most FAVORITE clit vibe! Maybe it'll be yours too? 

Have a smexxxy weekend, minions! ;) 

Flannery O'Connor: What I'm Reading

Today's post will be about Southern Gothic literature. Yeah, yeah, like you I was forced to read  William Faulkner and Tennessee Williams in school...but never never Flannery O'Connor! So to satisfy my curiosity, I just checked out her entire collection from the library today. And I'm looking forward to sinking my teeth into it!

I have an idea for a southern gothic story, but I'm checking my math before I sit down to write it. The more I ponder about the sort of writer I want to be, the more I internalize the word "gothic" into my personal lexicon of self-characterizing definitions.

But "southern gothic" is something else. An unfamiliar term. A perplexing string of words. And yet I was born in the south. My parents were raised in the south. I currently reside in the south. My boyfriend is a self-proclaimed "southerner." And despite all that, I don't identify as "southern" or even "southern black." 

Southerners are a fascinating mystery to me. I've lived in many parts of the United States, from upstate New York to the Nevada-California border in the Sierra Mountains. Tennessee, Indiana, Connecticut, North Carolina and now Texas. I've been everywhere...and my cultural "roots" dangle nowhere. Yet I think I know enough about southerners to write a convincing southern gothic. We'll see, won't we? Over and out.

An open letter to twitter authors

Dear anonymous indie/small-press author I met via Twitter,

First let me say I love the fact you're breaking away from traditional publishing. I agree. Many talented and capable writers are overlooked for the sake of profits. And yes, readers should explore alternate avenues beyond the expected tripe the Big Six churns out. Like you, I too believe small-press/indie publishers are changing the industry for the better. More writers are breaking away from the herd at record numbers, and I'm totally behind all that! 

However, please stop the elitist, self-righteous douchebaggery on Twitter. Snark is OK. Cyber bullying is not. 

Do not attack other writers, regardless how talented or untalented you think they might be. And when you promote your books on Twitter, stop treating your fellow small-press/indie peers like "customers." Enough with this: "Hey, hey, buy my book! Let me flood your twitter feed with at least 200 different purchasing links! I have 1,000+ followers so that makes me super talented and famous!"   

I can count at least four times I bought a book from some indie/small-press writer only to have that person UNFOLLOW or IGNORE me after my purchase. Um, hello. Don't you want a Goodreads review? Amazon rating? Guest blog opportunity? Or do you only care I increased your sales count? C'mon. Network professionally! 

Indie/small-press writers cannot survive without helping one another. It's not a competition, guys. Really. It's not. Granted, not every indie writer on Twitter is a flaming asshole, but dear lord, the loudest of them are! 

Social media is a useful tool to promote yourself and your work. And Twitter can be a wonderful place to meet and connect with other folks in the industry...but the cannibalization needs to stop. I urge you to pull your head out of your ass. If you truly care about books, you'll stop tearing each other apart and focus on your own work. Write the best book you can and stop worrying what the other writer next to you is doing. 

And so ends my morally superior rant of the week. Over and out, minions. 

Smexxxy Friday (Telling the truth)

...to your parents, I mean. You see, I just recently told my mom I write erotica. It was the holidays. I was at my boyfriend's mother's house. I was lonely. And my mom happened to call while I was staring at my new contract so...yeah. 

I don't think I'll ever let her read any of my erotic stories, though. The very thought makes me cringe in all the wrong places. Awkward. Awkward. Awkward. But I guess I'm good at it since I keep getting contracts. However I don't know if I want to be known solely as "an erotic author" y'know? It's sort of a trashy title to have, isn't it? And not something I can expect to announce at family gatherings when I'm craving unflinching praise and affirmation. 

This topic came up on my author loop and I thought I'd blog about it. Very few people know I write erotica. And fewer know I write F/F. *sigh*