Brenda Bradley's Blog, page 173

Want vs. Choice

Does anyone know where you can find some good heart tape? It needs to be strong enough to hold the heart together when it begins to break. Adhesive enough to hold the pieces in place as you put it back together. I believe that item would be a best-seller for DECADES!!! I would invest every dime I had in that product!

But until someone invents it, we need the next best thing to heart tape. That would be discernment and wisdom when we are in the midst of a relationship. I know, the last thing that comes into play is wisdom or even discernment. Because our heart begins to run things based upon what it feels, not what it knows.

For this reason, it is important that we know the difference between a man who "wants" us and a man who has "chosen" us.

What did you say? Want us? Chose us? What are you talking about? I will explain.

Wanting us and choosing us are two different events. One is based on short-term fulfillment, the other is based on a lifetime commitment.

In our relationships we have all cried over a broken romance. Either we have heard it said to us or somewhere in the back of our heads we have decided that the person who broke our heart did not "want " us. I am here to let you know that he did want you. Every moment he spent with you was the fulfilling of a want. He wanted to call, he did. He wanted to spend time with you, he did. He wanted to come over late and leave early the next morning. He did that. He exercised every "want" he had for you. What you have to realize is that at best, to be wanted is a short-term, short-lived emotion. It has everything to do with what is happening right now. It has nothing to do with what will happen later.

When he chooses you, he is including you in his future. Every move today is about securing tomorrow. He begins to talk about his career choices, his goals, and his plans. When he presents a ring, he is securing you for every tomorrow. He has made the commitment in his heart and mind to cover you with his name, his love, his protection and his life. That is not done on a whim. Those are big picture decisions.

If you know who you are dealing with, your need for heart tape will lessen. You won't need it. Your discernment and wisdom will increase. You don't have to offer up your heart in something that is only for moments at a time. Save your heart for someone whose conversation is about a future…with you.

Stay tuned as we continue our discussion on how we can prepare for our Mr. Right, we'll call him"Boaz", and how to know who Boaz is!

Are You A Woman “Boaz”?

Strong, decisive, initiative and able to bear the brunt of the load…those are adjectives  that you will usually find attached to a successful woman.  Visionary, able to see the big picture are components necessary to compete in the market  place.  But what happens when those strengths becomes your  weakness  in a relationship?

The question may arise…”How can those things become a weakness?”  The answer to that question would be, “very easily.”

In support of our man, there are times when we take the lead. We see the potential in our mates and decide within ourselves that if they just had the right atmosphere and the right support system that they would do amazing things.   For that reason, we often look past the weaknesses that are evident.   What do I mean by that?  We go behind them and redo things because we want  them to look good.  We handle the money for the house, because we know they are not that great about getting the bills paid.  We pick out their clothes because if we left it up to them, they would   wear tee shirts and jeans everywhere.  We  plan the family trips because if we don’t, we won’t go anywhere.  If there is an opportunity that is coming his way, we make sure everything is in place for him to make the most of said opportunity.  Sounds like a lot work on a daily basis.  Are you doing it?

The “Woman Boaz” takes the lead in her relationships.  She is the guiding force for what takes place in the relationship.  To her detriment,  she acts as the safety net , follow thru and pick up the slack agent when things are not going well.  When she does this, she inadvertently moves herself out of the place of receiving and ends up on the always giving end.

Ruth started out as a “Woman Boaz” with Naomi.  Ruth had to move into the place of lead for her mother in-law who at the time was emotionally spent.  Devastated by huge family losses, Naomi had grown bitter and despondent.  Ruth took the initiative to go find work so that they could both survive.  The Lord led her to the field of Boaz.

Upon seeing Ruth working in his field,  Boaz asked the foreman who she was.  Once he knew, he began to set some things up on her behalf in order to move her forward.

Gave her a permanent place to work.  “My daughter, listen to me. Don’t go and glean in another field and don’t go away from here.
Gave her instruction about work. Stay here with the women who work for me.  9 Watch the field where the men are harvesting, and follow along after the women.
Gave her protection at work. I have told the men not to lay a hand on you.  Do not rebuke her.
Gave her provision through work. And whenever you are thirsty, go and get a drink from the water jars the men have filled.” At mealtime Boaz said to her, “Come over here. Have some bread and dip it in the wine vinegar.” When she sat down with the harvesters, he offered her some roasted grain. She ate all she wanted and had some left over. 15 As she got up to glean, Boaz gave orders to his men, “Let her gather among the sheaves and don’t reprimand her. 16 Even pull out some stalks for her from the bundles and leave them for her to pick up, and don’t rebuke her.”

Boaz has the power and the authority to make some things happen on Ruth’s behalf.  He saw her action and did what he could to maximize her outcome.  He slowly started moving her back into a place of receiving.  She continued to work, but he continued to give.

That is where we lose it at.  The “Woman Boaz” acts solely from the potential aspect of her mate.  So while she is constantly giving, he is constantly receiving.   However, she is not receiving anything close to what she is giving out.  So frustration sets in.  Instead of pulling back and assessing what is going on, the Woman Boaz tends to dig in deeper and try harder.

If I am describing you and your current situation, let’s talk about it.  Let’s dialogue!  There is an answer to this dilemma.

Are You A Woman "Boaz"?

Strong, decisive, initiative and able to bear the brunt of the load…those are adjectives  that you will usually find attached to a successful woman.  Visionary, able to see the big picture are components necessary to compete in the market  place.  But what happens when those strengths becomes your  weakness  in a relationship?

The question may arise…"How can those things become a weakness?"  The answer to that question would be, "very easily."

In support of our man, there are times when we take the lead. We see the potential in our mates and decide within ourselves that if they just had the right atmosphere and the right support system that they would do amazing things.   For that reason, we often look past the weaknesses that are evident.   What do I mean by that?  We go behind them and redo things because we want  them to look good.  We handle the money for the house, because we know they are not that great about getting the bills paid.  We pick out their clothes because if we left it up to them, they would   wear tee shirts and jeans everywhere.  We  plan the family trips because if we don't, we won't go anywhere.  If there is an opportunity that is coming his way, we make sure everything is in place for him to make the most of said opportunity.  Sounds like a lot work on a daily basis.  Are you doing it?

The "Woman Boaz" takes the lead in her relationships.  She is the guiding force for what takes place in the relationship.  To her detriment,  she acts as the safety net , follow thru and pick up the slack agent when things are not going well.  When she does this, she inadvertently moves herself out of the place of receiving and ends up on the always giving end.

Ruth started out as a "Woman Boaz" with Naomi.  Ruth had to move into the place of lead for her mother in-law who at the time was emotionally spent.  Devastated by huge family losses, Naomi had grown bitter and despondent.  Ruth took the initiative to go find work so that they could both survive.  The Lord led her to the field of Boaz.

Upon seeing Ruth working in his field,  Boaz asked the foreman who she was.  Once he knew, he began to set some things up on her behalf in order to move her forward.

Gave her a permanent place to work.  "My daughter, listen to me. Don't go and glean in another field and don't go away from here.
Gave her instruction about work. Stay here with the women who work for me.  9 Watch the field where the men are harvesting, and follow along after the women.
Gave her protection at work. I have told the men not to lay a hand on you.  Do not rebuke her.
Gave her provision through work. And whenever you are thirsty, go and get a drink from the water jars the men have filled." At mealtime Boaz said to her, "Come over here. Have some bread and dip it in the wine vinegar." When she sat down with the harvesters, he offered her some roasted grain. She ate all she wanted and had some left over. 15 As she got up to glean, Boaz gave orders to his men, "Let her gather among the sheaves and don't reprimand her. 16 Even pull out some stalks for her from the bundles and leave them for her to pick up, and don't rebuke her."

Boaz has the power and the authority to make some things happen on Ruth's behalf.  He saw her action and did what he could to maximize her outcome.  He slowly started moving her back into a place of receiving.  She continued to work, but he continued to give.

That is where we lose it at.  The "Woman Boaz" acts solely from the potential aspect of her mate.  So while she is constantly giving, he is constantly receiving.   However, she is not receiving anything close to what she is giving out.  So frustration sets in.  Instead of pulling back and assessing what is going on, the Woman Boaz tends to dig in deeper and try harder.

If I am describing you and your current situation, let's talk about it.  Let's dialogue!  There is an answer to this dilemma.

 

Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing b her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." c

Pages from the Haters Handbook

Whenever the Lord has something for you to do, one thing you can always count on is "Haters." Nehemiah had them too. For every person stepping out on the word of God, here are a couple of pages from the Haters Handbook…

Talk About Their Vision

1. When Sanballat heard that we were rebuilding the wall, he became angry and was greatly incensed. He ridiculed the Jews 2. and in the presence of his associates and the army of Samaria, he said, "What are those feeble Jews doing? Will they restore their wall? Will they offer sacrifices? Will they finish in a day? Can they bring the stones back to life from those heaps of rubble—burned as they are?"

The Haters are never happy about anything you do. As long as you are in a mess, they are fine. But the minute you began to do better or want better for yourself, here they come.

Recruit Others To Help You Destroy The Vision

7. But when Sanballat, Tobiah, the Arabs, the Ammonites and the men of Ashdod heard that the repairs to Jerusalem's walls had gone ahead and that the gaps were being closed, they were very angry.

On any given day, Haters, really can't stand each other. But they will put their differences aside to take down someone else.



Try To Scare Everyone Who Is Working On The Vision

8. They all plotted together to come and fight against Jerusalem and stir up trouble against it. Meanwhile, the people in Judah said, "The strength of the laborers is giving out, and there is so much rubble that we cannot rebuild the wall." 11. Also our enemies said, "Before they know it or see us, we will be right there among them and will kill them and put an end to the work."

Be prepared that everyone is not as strong as you are in your vision. Fear will always come to visit something that has never been done before. Send it on it's way.

Divide and Conquer…Use People They Know

Then the Jews who lived near them came and told us ten times over, wherever you turn, they will come and attack us.

Side Note: If these measures are giving you minor results in destroying the work of the Vision, start working on the leader.

Get The Leader To Come Away From The Vision — Don't Give Up On The First Try!

2. Sanballat and Geshem sent me this message: "Come, let us meet together in one of the villages on the plain of Ono." 4. Four times they sent me the same message, and each time I gave them the same answer.

Start Lies and Rumors About The Leader and The Vision

"It is reported among the nations—and Geshem says it is true—that you and the Jews are plotting to revolt, and therefore you are building the wall. Moreover, according to these reports you are about to become their king 7 and have even appointed prophets to make this proclamation about you in Jerusalem: 'There is a king in Judah!' Now this report will get back to the king; so come, let us confer together."

It is amazing what haters will come up with when they put their imaginations to it!

Finally, Have Someone Ready To Plant The Suggestion Of Quitting/Running Away

10. One day I went to the house of Shemaiah son of Delaiah, the son of Mehetabel, who was shut in at his home. He said, "Let us meet in the house of God, inside the temple, and let us close the temple doors, because men are coming to kill you—by night they are coming to kill you."

Throughout the entire process, no matter what was thrown at Nehemiah, he continued to pray to God and KEPT WORKING. We will always have haters, no matter what. Either they can motivate you or get you to stop. It just depends on what you are made of. Remember, the same sun that melts butter, hardens brick.



*Published in the June 2010 issue of Divine Inspirations Magazine, copyright mine.

7 Sustaining Principles for Women In Ministry

Know who YOU are.

 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalms 139:14

 The anointing can not be copied.  Though we have great women going forth in this arena, there is a big difference in imitating and emulating.  Emulating is looking at how an organization/person is put together and deciding that you want your organization or yourself  to work/present at that level.  Imitating is not having any original thought and simply doing what you see because it works.  God does not need to make copies.  There is an calling, style of delivery and anointing that HE created in you.  Ask God what it is and listen for his instructions.

Know Whose you are.

Then the word of the Lord came to me, saying: "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you;    Before you were born I sanctified you; Jeremiah 1:4-5

 Whether we ever admit to ourselves or not, this is still a "Man's world!"  Great strides have been made in the acceptance of women in ministry.  But there are still quite a few who will never accept it.  Included in that list  are women who feel you are bound for hell as well.  They are not your problem.  Give them over to the Lord.  Meanwhile, when they look past you, won't acknowledge you in the pulpit, ask you to speak from the floor or other well known requests,  Know it is God who called you and not man.

Your Family will need to time to adjust.

6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  Philippians 4:6-7

  Just like  you needed to time to accept what God has placed on your life, your family  needs the same amount of courtesy getting adjusted to your acceptance of the call.  They have just been put under the spotlight in a fishbowl existence and will have unrealistic expectations shoved on them out of nowhere.  Get past the notion that you are an island.  Everything you do will reflect your ministry and everything they do will reflect your ministry. Fair? No.  The way it is? YES.

Follow instructions.

 Whomever exalts himself shall be humbled, and he who humbles himself shall be exalted.  Matt. 23:12

 If you are asked to pray, pray. If you are suppose to read the scripture, read the scripture.  Don't take any opportunity at the mic to convince anyone that you are the next big thing coming down the pipe.  If that is God's plan, it will happen soon enough.  You will be respected far more for your obedience to assignment, than going beyond what you have been asked to do by grandstanding.

 Find the Balance Part I (Family)  

 This single issue has plagued us ALL.  Finding the balance between ministry and family.  God is a BIG believer in marriage.

8And the Lord God said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him." Gen. 2:18

 One of the first institutions He created was marriage. As anointed as you may be; as on fire as you are; as in demand as you may be, your husband still just wants to know his boo is in there somewhere.  Your children just want their mother.  I am talking to the single mother in ministry too.  You are not sitting down on God to take care of what He gave you in the first place.  Believe that He sees every element of your life and called you in the midst of it.  MAKE time for them, especially now.  If you give them some quality time, you will be amazed at how much ministry time you will receive. 

Finding the Balance – Part II (Ministry)

 Prayer, fasting, studying and spending time with Him sound like no brainers, but there is a delicate balance you have to keep in order not to get weird.  Find a time when you can focus. Sometimes that is at lunch, because we know we can not fall asleep while reading the word. ( Umm, hum)  Some of my most profound times have been in the car. 

 You can't shut yourself away and study, study, study and never deal with people. God anointed you to touch the lives of people. You can't fast until you are fainting dead away at every instance.  If you are married, you and your husband have to be in agreement with the fast because that means no sex.

Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control  1 Corinth. 7:5

You will develop a flow in your preparation time with God.  So that you may become empowered by the Word and presence of the Lord.

God has your time in His Hands. 

14 But I trust in you, O LORD; I say, "You are my God." 15 My times are in your hands; 16 Let your face shine on your servant; save me in your unfailing love.  Psalms 31:14-16

If you are not being called to do the conferences or be the keynote speaker at events…It is not an indictment against your ministry.  Let's use Jesus as our example.  We get the big announcement about the birth of Jesus.  Then we here about him again when he is 12 years old confounding the  teachers in the synagogue.  Then the  curtain drops and we don't here from Jesus again until he is 30 years old.   There is a season that every minister goes through where God hides us for a time for training, teaching, molding and shaping. Your time will come where God lifts the curtain  and allows you to go forth.  Until then, stay prayerful, study to show thyself approved and take care of yourself.  Mind, body and soul.  It is the temple of the Holy Ghost.

When You Need One More

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