Candice Bundy's Blog, page 10

My Life in Vivid Naked Lunch Land

Most of the time my life is fairly normal. I don't mean this in a bad way. My life is awesomesauce, and I adore it.

Occasionally, things ratchet up unpredictably, and I have my epilepsy to blame. This is one of those moments.

The other day I was riding the train home. I'd felt normal all day, no warning signs, nothing felt off, everything was par for the course.

I was reading a book on my phone, surrounded by passengers. Again, nothing out of the ordinary. This is a boring story. Yes? I could describe the boringness of the ride and the passengers around me, but trust me, the only thing of interest was the book I was reading.

The first thing that's non-boring? I can't read because the words all scramble up. And although the book is super-awesome, it's not *that* amazing. I also notice an incredibly clear feeling in my body. It's like a bell has gone off in my head.

And I know 'it's' happening. That's the only warning I get. It's always the same, at least for a focal seizure. Note, these aren't absence or tonic-clonic's. I'm right there, conscious, and aware, the entire time. I'm just along for the ride. And by the way, I don't get to pick the ride, it picks me, and it's always different. Imagine getting on an amusement park ride, but never knowing what will happen past the first turn, yet the ride's gonna last thirty seconds to two minutes.

You may not realize it, but there's this pin in the undercarriage of your reality that holds everything in place. Mine just fell out and hit the floor, and the separate dimensions of my lenses slip and slide over one another, distorting what I used to hold to the status quo. Welcome to my life.

I turn off my phone, cause you know, I can't read moving words. Everything's moving in super slow-mo, which is fantastic, because that means those two minutes will go by even slower. The train stops at a station and a lady steps on board, and I fixate on her ears, which are misshapen. She's obviously an elf, dwarf, or something, and everyone else knows it.

I hide my face in my hand. I am not going to react. None of this is real.

The train starts to move, and I look out the window. A group of teens is walking by, and one of them carries a full head mask with hair on it. I look up to his head. He no longer has one. It's been replaced with a blurred, black void.

I hide my face in my hand. I am not going to react. None of this is real. How much time is left?

I look out between my fingers at the balding man across from me. He's been diligently reading a book on military history. He takes the opportunity to extend his neck and smile at me in a fetchingly reptilian sort of way.

I hide my face in my hand. I am not going to react. None of this is real. How much time is left? Please. Please be done now?

The man next to me coughs, and the woman standing next to him says something to him, and then looks in my general direction. Have they noticed that I see everything?

And then life suddenly clears as we reach the next train stop, just as enigmatically as it started. My head aches like I was run over by the train, I feel nauseous, dizzy, irritable as a wolverine, and I'm cursing myself for not having any water on me for taking my aftercare meds.

I look around, and am happy no one appears to have noticed me behaving oddly. That's one of my biggest concerns: when my medications fail me, I won't be able to control my reactions. The other is that people will misinterpret seizure activity for mental illness. I can't control others desire to rush to judgement. All I can do is contribute to awareness and education, and hopefully add in a bit of humor in the process.

NaNoWriMo – And So It Begins

It's November 1st, and NaNoWriMo is officially here! The countdown has started, and I'm on my way to completing The Daemon Summoner, my paranormal romance set in a dystopian future Denver, or at least I'm attempting to get 50k words deeper into the manuscript.

I've decided to keep a daily diary, which I'll publish weekly for your amusement, of my thoughts on the NaNo experience and my progress. Feel free to send me your kind thoughts, encouragements, heckle, or generally wonder, wtf is this crazy woman up to now?

Oh yeah, I'm on an adventure. It's bona fide!

Nonviolent Protest Failure – Occupy Denver

Last night when I read about the reaction of the riot police to the Occupy Denver I got worked up, and rightfully so. The Occupy Denver movement had staged a nonviolent walk at noon down the 16th street mall ending at Civic Center Park (where they've occupied regularly) and hold a rally there. By all accounts, they had several thousand people, and the city sent out the riot police for 'crowd control' purposes.

Okay… Yeah let's just assume things will go as poorly as possible, sure.

And somewhere between noon and 4:15, things went from a show of solidarity, to altercations, pepper spray, arrests, rubber bullets, and a complete lack of the non-violence creed.

Now, I wasn't there. I can watch the video streams, the news, the tweets, the posted pictures, and try and glean what I can from the reports.

And what I'm seeing doesn't impress me.

First, the riot police were geared for things to go south. I mean, the group was stating a strong desire via verbal chants to stay non-violent, so why have riot police in the first place? Was it simply the size of the crowd? I'm not a professional, don't know how one decides these things, but the camera views appeared to show a good 75-100 cops just to keep two thousand civilians from being on the steps of the capital building. It was a huge show of force, and very intimidating.

Now, the Occupy Denver folks setup tents in the park, which has been reiterated as illegal by the city. This is fine in a protest, as long as you're willing to be arrested for it. It's a peaceable statement. (BTW, Arrests happen in protests. If you aren't okay with this, don't protest. You don't have the right to be violent when you're arrested.) Now, when the cops moved in and took the tents down and the protesters attacked them (which I saw on video feeds) they got arrested for assault. This made it a violent protest . Point one against the protesters.

The cops also removed protesters from the trees in city park using, according to Occupy Denver, rubber bullets. Now, from my research, Denver riot police aren't standard issued those rounds, and by the marks in this next image, I'm thinking most likely this youth was hit by the pepper pod 'bullets', which sure hurt like hell, but aren't the 'less than lethal' rubber bullets. (I've seen images from Oakland and the damage caused by rubber bullets there, and it's much worse, think a raised bruise 3-4 inches in size. I could be wrong, again, I wasn't there, I'm just comparing what I'm seeing and what I've heard the cops are issued.)

Now, why they chose to remove people from the trees in this way I don't know. I know during the Obama rally, when listeners climbed into the trees to get a better view, cops approached them and threatened to arrest them if they didn't climb back down, so it's a standard policy, i.e. don't sit in the trees. I'm assuming the protesters were asked to leave the trees first, and shot at second, instead of being removed by hand. I'm counting that as a point against the riot police. Again, I wasn't there, but it seems a poor choice.

Last night, after I calmed down a bit more, I watched FOX31, mostly to see if they'd even report on the event. According to FOX31, the Occupy Denver protesters had assaulted an officer and knocked him over on his motorcycle, and it had landed on him. Funny, this wasn't mentioned on the Occupy Denver website… They also showed '99%' graffiti on a cop car. Yeah, ok, that's 'non-violent', but it's destruction of property, and a direct move to incite and escalate the riot police. And…it also wasn't mentioned on the Occupy Denver website. So they're doing great at pointing out the moments when the cops and city fail them, but not holding themselves to the same standard.

I'm not impressed. And I want to be supportive. I'm a social liberal, and a fiscal conservative. I want #OWS to succeed. I want our government to stop bailing out corporations and banks that fail. I want those corporations and banks held to the same fiscal standards as the rest of us. But I digress…

So then, last night I went and watched the live streams on the Occupy Denver website. And I got an education. There's a mixed bag of protestors, and some of them I support wholeheartedly. This group was a it older, and repeatedly chanted the need for nonviolence, and how they needed to communicate their needs clearly and calmly. I liked them, because they appeared to understand how to defuse the situation.

But there was another group of protesters I didn't like. They were younger, cocky, and in the faces of the cops, telling the cops how they (the cops) were about to attack them again, talking to the camera about how cool it was they were on a national feed and they were 'famous'. What? How does this get OWS goals met, I ask you? I watched two different people explain, live on the streaming feed, about how important it was that the situation 'escalate' in order to meet their goals. Pardon me? Escalation = violence. Violence generally leads to bloodshed and all to often, death. How is this a desirable goal? Do you think the politicians won't listen unless someone dies? Do you even care who gets hurt, just as long as it makes you famous?

This group of protesters, frankly, scare me.

I also saw a live feed of the earlier attack on the Occupy Denver website where the protestors engaged with the riot cops during some arrests. The protestors got up in the faces of the police and called them fascists and traitors, and were screaming at them. One redheaded woman wasn't violating their personal space, but she was verbally abusive and goading them constantly through the recording. This is a big point against the Occupy Denver team. This is not nonviolent protest. Nonviolent protest includes our words. When you continually goad someone into a fight, this is an abusive act. Yes, it's wrong when they react and escalate things, sure. But when you're acting like a rabid dog, you've got to admit you present a scary picture. I wouldn't have wanted to have those screaming people pointed at me yesterday. I would've felt threatened.

In summary, Occupy Denver isn't showing the entire picture in their news reports, and only what is flattering to their movement is being posted online. They are exaggerating the actions of the cops, specifically the types of weapons used. Also, some in their camp don't have any interest in non-violent protest, they're in it for a newsworthy event. This is shameful, at best, and won't further the OWS goals. Occupy Denver needs to deal with the bad eggs, or future rallies are bound to only escalate further under their driving force.

I Go Purple, Again

So, based on the votes of the twitter hive mind and my Facebook fans I went with purple instead of blue on this round of hair coloring.

Why the color change? Well, why not? I've done purple, pink, and blue all before, and was it was a toss-up between purple and blue in my mind. Well, here are the results. Note: the colors appear brighter in person than on film, and I'm not sure why?

You'll notice in sunlight, from the back the effect is dramatic. However, in the next shot, it's difficult to see the color on the tips. In fact, it almost looks like my hair is much shorter, like the color has gobbled it up. Chomp chomp chomp!

Here are some closeups of the tips:

So, if you're wondering how I do this wacky thing with my hair, here goes. I've done it several times now, so I have the method down.

1) Go to a beauty supply shop. Get gloves, color spot remover (for your skin), sulfate-free shampoo and conditioner, an applicator brush, a highlighting brush, the color of your choice, a packet of tin foils, a bowl for the colorant, and a color sealer (Ask someone who works there for a good brand. This will keep the color longer.).

Manic Panic – these are solid colors and will last 8-12 washings, perhaps longer
Punky Color – this line has the broadest range of colors and will last 8-12 washings, perhaps longer
Color Jamz – this one lasted a bit longer IMHO, perhaps 12-18 washings.
NRage Color – Demi-Perm Color, not a range of colors, but will last 28 washings, I've gone with Plum Purple on this one today.

2) Put a towel you hate on the floor. No really, these dyes go everywhere, and you don't want your carpet forever banana yellow, or whatever. Also, get naked. You don't want your clothes mucked up either, right? Well, whatever, don't send me your cleaning bills.

3) Put the gloves on. Leave them on until you're done showering, or your hands and nails will turn apple green. Feel me?

4) Section your hair from the crown down into segments and clamp it to your head with those little hair clampies, whatever they are called.

5) The area of your hair from your ears down, leave free.

6) Squirt color into the special color bowl. By the way, if you're wanting to mix colors, do it now, and mix it well. Now, this bowl has a nifty rubber foot so it won't slide around and fall onto the floor.  Not like that first time when you did the wine pink and you didn't think you needed the special bowl and it slid off the counter and onto the shower rug. Hello! New shower rug!

7) Take the applicator brush, the thick one and coat all the hair below your ears with color. Use plenty, don't be a stooge!

[image error] Did I mention you need a rag or two? Oh yeah, get thyself a rag, and rub all the messy colorant from your hands onto this rag, which you'll throw away later. This is best for everyone, really. If you put it into the laundry, your machine is hosed, as are your clothes, FYI. Also clean off the applicator brush, as you're done using that one.

9) Take a piece or two of tin foil and cover your lower mass of gooey hair with it. This will keep it from getting the upper hair all ruby red.

10) Undo the next segment of hair, but just one layer up, not all of them. Don't get hyper! Get the highlighter applicator and douse it with some of the colorant. Now, being a brave and yet carefree monkey, paint segments of the newly released hair with the colorant, but just the bottom 1-3 inches. It's your choice how much or how little to do. Don't keep to a pattern, and skip around a lot.

11) If step 10 makes you anxious, repeat after me: "I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain." ~ Dune, Frank Herbert

12) Once you've finished that layer, clean off your hands and the handle of the applicator on the rag again. Now, this is very important! Mix in some conditioner into the colorant. "Some." And incorporate it well. This will lighten the successive color imparted on future layers. Now, let down another segment, and repeat the process in steps 10 and 11 above.

13) Continue until you've painted all of your hair tips. After you're done, wait 15-20 minutes, and then shower. Use the sulfate-free shampoo and the color sealant.

14) Did you keep your gloves on? Or are your fingernails permanently puce pink now? Just wondering…

15) Use the color spot remover on any spots of skin where the shampoo didn't remove the colorant, or on the counter/walls/ceiling where you flung your paint while being an arteest. Don't worry, now no one has to know. Oh, don't try washing the extra colorant from the bowl down the drain either, I recommend tossing it into that dirty rag you were gonna toss anyway.

16) Dry and style as normal. You should have a close approximation of my faded out tips and peekaboo color do. More or less.

After you've done all of this, if you hate the color, try using a product like ColorOops to reverse the process. However, be warned, with these special dyes the color won't always come out all the way. It may just reverse the color. I tried taking a bright pink out once and got deep blue, so, good luck with that.

Cheers!

Skinny Isn't the Answer

I've seen a few posts lately rightly defending a woman's right to her size. And yet, the fight goes on. The message just doesn't want to sink in. Please humor me while I throw in my two cents.

See, I'm a skinny bitch. And just so you know, it's not easier for me on this end of the spectrum. There. Feel better?

Oh, I see you don't. Let me explain. There are myths everyone believes only larger women face. See, smaller women face them too. Now, I know larger women get more abuse, don't get me wrong, I'm not belittling that at all. But seriously, the general public has no idea why a person is the size they are unless they're wearing a t-shirt for a cause. I've always been moderately slender, but epilepsy meds and their impact on my appetite have made me moreso. I have a friend who is skinny due to her thyroid issues, not by choice. And upon reflection, I've found the issues of the skinny mirror those of the large.

So for your review: The Issues of the Skinny Bitch

1) I can never find clothes in my size, because the stores/manufactures are biased against people of 'my size'. To find anything that fits I have to go to special stores. Yeah, I hear yah! Large women get to go to Lane Bryant, and at the worst you look matronly. Wee women go to stores that make you look like a ho. No, seriously. Thus I go to Old Navy and the like, and hope I can find a few size 2 and 4′s on the shelf. Occasionally I get lucky, but the pickings are far and few between, and never in the colors I want. *sigh* Oh, and shirts that fit me are loose in the bust. That won't happen to you nice busty large women. If I want things to fit, I have to pay a tailor.

2) Skinny girls don't have to put up with the verbal abuse we large(r) women do. Oh, really? Yes, I'm well aware of the hate speech large women are subjected to, I'd be an idiot to say I didn't overhear it on a regular basis, and yes, it's criminal. But just so you know, even if you got small, you'd still be subject to hate speech. I've had a coworker allude I was anorexic, a friend tell me I was 'wasting away', and I've been told I need to 'eat a sandwich'. Seriously? I eat five times a day, and I still don't have a B cup. WTF? When you're thin other women will tell you they hate you as a backwards compliment, in theory to make you feel 'better', but have no illusions, it's an insult and only reveals jealousy and baggage on their end. Other choice terms overheard: chicken legs, stick figure, Olive Oil.

3) I'm always having to buy new clothes. Don't I know it! You know, when your weight fluctuates by five or ten pounds, regardless if you're small or big, you seem to hit a new size on the clothing rack. Why is this? What are you supposed to do, go out and buy a new wardrobe each time, or have a range of sizes? Well I have a range, and own a number of belts. Sometimes I wish my pants came with those built-in adjusters like my son's do, where you can pull in or loosen up the elastic by a few buttons if need be. Why not for adults too?

4) If I can just lose/gain weight I'll be happy. Yeah? And after you lose 10 pounds, are you just going to want to lose another 10? Is there a realistic end point in sight? I certainly hope so. And by the way, when you lose weight, you lose your breasts. What I wouldn't give for your large women C cups. Heck, a full A cup.

5) People dislike me for being large/small. Of course they do. If you're large, no one wants to be around you because you're an example of someone who can't control their excesses. It's disgusting, right? And if you're small, well then unjust jealously sets in, because how dare you be the epitome of being able to control yourself (when they can't)! How dare you! Yeah, either way you're doomed, and you can't win. Whatever your issue is, don't feel compelled to take it out on me. I'm not your issue. You are. Next, please.

6) I am perpetually hot/cold. If you're large, your fat layer means you're nicely insulated, regardless of the time of year. (Invest in a hand-held fan during summer.) Conversely, if you're teeny, you're freezing your buns off, regardless of the time of year. No happy mediums here.

 7) My metabolism sucks. If I don't eat every couple of hours I crash, and it's not pretty. My metabolism is super-high, and when I crash I get seizure-prone. So yeah, I eat often, because I have to, and I have to exercise and eat decent food to keep my body in balance. Now, if my metabolism was low, and I ate all the time, I'd gain weight. It's simple math. Still, my metabolism runs like a train, and if I don't keep up, it's going to hit a wall. Hard. As it is, I'm happy maintaining my present weight. That's my win.

In the end, the answer is simple: be happy with your body, whatever your shape, size, and form. If your body likes a middle ground, yay for you! Sure, if you doctor says to lose or gain weight, do so within reason. (Cause sometimes doctors are extremists too, IMHO.) And be as fit as you can be, cause I want you to live a long healthy life and keep reading my books and drinking my wine and laughing for a long, long time. Oh, and generally loving life, cause that's what we're all here for, right?

Perhaps, if we can get past this obsessive fascination over our weights, we can focus on some deeper issues? For instance: Where our food comes from? What's in our food? How humanely are we treating our food? What chemicals and hormones are added to our food, and how does that impact our bodies? And what are we, besides this one factor known as 'weight'?

The Angst of Completing Projects

As I finished up the final chapter on book two of the Depths of Memory series one emotion reigned supreme.

Nagging doubt.

Yes, I'm happy to wrap up this middle book in the series. It accomplishes what I wanted it to, and where I think it needs flushing out, I have copious notes for the numerous rounds of edits to follow before I pitch it to my editor. I mean, I still need to pick a title. Geesh!

But right now, I have to wonder, if just a big, enormous pile of bird poo I've heaped upon page after page which I'll attempt to put a shine to later? Will it be worthy of your read, or will you hang your head in frustration, wondering, 'what was she thinking, I've seen all of this before?'

So, for now, I'll walk away from it, because right now I'm too close to it. Personally, I feel editing too soon after the first draft is a mistake, at least for me. I need to forget all about it, and return refreshed and come back in a month and edit it with a fresh perspective. At this point I can rediscover the story for myself, and make sure it's worthy, and if not, make it so.

In the meantime, I'm doing some worldbuilding and character bios for NaNoWriMo next month. See, every November writers around the world try and write a 50k novel in a month, and this year I'm joining in the attempt. Wish me luck. It should be a fun ride, and a good start to my book The Madness Path, which I've just done some brief character sketches and scenes on so far, so this gives the opportunity to get a good chunk of the book jumped into.

You can expect frequent word count updates on the book during November, so stay tuned. I'm mostly looking forward to the dedication of simply 'doing it' versus worrying about self-editing during the writing process. This can make for a messy manuscript and more edits later, but much more creativity and production up front. (At least that's the theory.) Those who know me well know I've taken on a number of challenges in my life. Who knows how this one will go, but obviously I love pushing my boundaries and seeing what I'm capable of.

Giving Back — A Month Without Wine #gowithout

I know, how can I make it through? But let's be specific here, I won't be ordering wine once a week when I eat out. I still have my bevy of wine at home, so I'm not being a teetotaler here! In return, I'll be donating the money from that glass of wine to one of the charities below. Easy peasy, yes?

If you're not familiar with the cause, become so by visiting Amber West's blog and learning all about the champion for this special cause. She's brought together bloggers and writers over Twitter to help raise money by asking folks to give up one thing a week, be it a buying a book, a cup a coffee, bottled water, using toll roads, etc.

For me, I'm pledging to go without a glass of wine on a night out once a week for the next month. In return, I'll donate to one of these fine charities. Feel free to join in! (These are charities Amber has identified, but feel free to contribute in whatever way you feel appropriate.)

Loma Linda University Children's Hospital:

Text KIDS to 27722 to give $10

Susan G. Komen – Breast Cancer:

Text KOMEN to 90999 to give $10



Elisabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation:

Text HIVFREE to 90999 to donate $5

The New York Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children:

Text NYSPCC to 50555 to donate $10

If you participate feel free to blog about it, or simply post a photo on Facebook or Twitter and use the hashtag #gowithout.

Finally, visit Amber West's blog and sign up with her linky tool if you do blog about this to help spread the word!

My Self-Interview: Your Questions Answered!

When I announced my recent contract on my Depths of Memory: Dream Sifter book, a number of questions surfaced, and I realized just how confusing the publishing process is to those who haven't been through it, and for or those who don't work in the field. So I started compiling questions, and then I opened up the list of questions to whatever else folks wanted to know about me, as I'm also a winemaker and bizarre human creature and heck, I don't know what all you want to know, yes?

I will attribute the questions as I see fit. Some are general and came from many, whereas others are specific. Please bear with me. Also, feel free to comment and ask questions at the end of this if you feel I didn't fully address your personal favorite.

General Question: How exactly does Indie publishing work? How is it different from traditional or self-publishing?

CB: Self-publishing means doing everything yourself (editing, copy-editing, cover art, formatting the document into multiple electronic publication formats, distributing into multiple channels, marketing, marketing, marketing, and more marketing). Traditional publishing means you might get all of this plus a up-front check (although that's rare these days unless you're a proven name) plus generally they will always start you with a print book as well with placement on store shelves, plus quite a few marketing dollars to cover their initial investment for the print run. They also send your books out to book reviewers, and good reviews can convince readers to turn those pages! A downside of Traditional publishing can be that the artist doesn't always get a say in the cover art or editing changes. This, of course, depends on the publishing house, and it's just what I've heard second hand.

Indie publishing is somewhere in the middle. You get the editing through distribution into multiple sales channels (i.e. Amazon.com, Barnes & Noble, Fictionwise.com, etc.) plus you get marketing via the main Indie house's efforts. This may not seem like much, but there's a great deal of technical know-how that's covered, and having your book professionally presented (from the editing, copy-editing, cover art, and document formatting) can make or break the impression you give to new readers. (This is why I went with Indie. And I don't like the lack of control you get with Traditional publishers. I want my book the best it can be, but I want to retain artistic control.) You get paid royalties (a % of the cover price) for all sales. You are responsible for the majority of your marketing effort, including seeking out book reviews and maintaining a blog and social media presence. 

Jim Collins: Who is publishing it? When will it be out?

CB: It's being published by Freya's Bower, the sister publishing company to Wild Child Publishing, who published my eBook Ripples. I don't have an ETA on when the eBook will be available. Freya's Bower handles books and series which contain any romance elements, and although the Depths of Memory series is primarily Scifi/Horror, it does have undertones of romance with specific couples, which wouldn't have fit within the mainstream Wild Child Publishing house.

Pam Gheysar: Will this be a "paper" book, an eBook, or both?

CB: This will start as an eBook, and if I hit certain sales targets, then there will be a print run as well.  (I.e. so buy, and buy lots of copies!)

From @JenLKirchner: Do you do your own editing? If so, do you have any tips for the editing-challenged?

CB: All writers have to do a great deal of their own editing. I think David Farland once said that an average manuscript undergoes an average seven edits. I can tell you Dream Sifter got somewhere around 8-9 edits before I submitted it for publication. So, yes, you start off doing your own editing. Never expect the publishing house to take on 100% of the editing work.

And yes, I have editing tips! First, I like this little tool: www.editminion.com because it checks for adverbs, weak words, passive voice, often misspelled words, and also notes when you're overusing the same word again and again and again. They are associated with Write or Die.

Also, from my previous experience working with Wild Child Press when they published my first book Ripples they gave me a list of 'Editing Tips'  to polish my manuscript with before their editor would step in and make recommendations. Before I submitted Dream Sifter with them I went ahead and did the polish work ahead of time. The tips include things like: solid POV, eliminating crutch words, correct comma usage, eliminating excess information, and watching for author's voice. I've taken this list and expanded it to fit my personal quirks, and editing has become easier over time. I even find myself misbehaving less as I write. Shocking, no?

Lilli Black:  My question is how to get started!

CB: Get an idea, make some notes, perhaps a rough outline, and some character sketches. Then write. Don't attempt perfection. No one is perfect, we all just work at improving ourselves, over and over. I wrote another blog on how to write a story, and I'm going to link it here. And seriously, Get your idea, and just start writing, and don't stop. Read lots of books like what you're writing, and join a writer's group online or in person if you can. They are out there if you just look! If you want it, you will make it happen. And once you've taken a stab at an idea, then you can go back and enjoy the thrill of the edit! Woot! The best thing about the edit is you can change a little or a lot, it's all up to you.

As an example, my writer's group just saw the first two chapters of The Daemon Whisperer and the feedback was invaluable. Yes, they were intrigued and drawn in, go my ego, but flaws were exposed, and more importantly, I saw places I could go farther, deeper, darker. I saw ways to make my daemon summoner, Meri, both more raw and desperate for vengeance and yet also more naïve to her own downfall. Critiques rock! (And yes, develop that thick skin too! You'll need it to be a writer!)

Leia Collins: Where do you find inspiration, ideas? What do you read? Have you thought about writing young adult fiction?

CB: I get ideas everywhere. Often from dreams, sometimes from the situations around me (no, no one is safe…bwahaha!), but often from everyday things, just twisted. My dreams are very lucid, I've always remembered them clearly, so they are always fresh fodder for the pile. I think writers have the same ideas as everyone else, we just aren't afraid to follow the rabbit down the holes and see where our minds lead us.

I read a wide variety of books. Horror, Scifi, Paranormal Romance, Urban Fantasy, High Fantasy, and an assortment of etc. Check out my shelves on Goodreads if you want to know what I've read and how I rate things. I try to read quite a bit to stay current with what's popular, and also what new writers are coming out with. There's so much out there, it's amazing.

I have considered the young adult market, however I'm not sure it's quite my style. I know my creepy style would fit for teens in the YA market, I just haven't had ideas percolate that fit the genre. Perhaps I also am too happy as an adult, and prefer to avoid the true horror of teenage angst?

From @JesseWalter1: If you had but one thing you wished to have learned earlier and another you wished you could unlearn, what would they be?

CB: I wish I'd learned to be less afraid of throwing things away. I mean, in this digital age we have electronic backups and such, so it's not like I took a torch to anything. But it took me forever to rewrite Dream Sifter because I was afraid of breaking the story. (Fear is the mind killer.) I'd tried to do too much at once, and it was bogged down and clunky. I had to rip it apart and sew it back together, and my fear slowed me down. Now, book two is flying by and I have to keep hanging on to keep up, which is how it should feel. I was able to take the useful parts I'd cut out of Dream Sifter and use them in book two. The others, I threw away, and I don't miss them. I don't even care. Every writer needs to learn how to throw things away, sooner rather than later.

One thing I have unlearned, and I've HAD to unlearn, is not to wait around for outside approval. As much as you need constructive feedback and reasonable critiques on your work, you concurrently have to not give a rat's ass if folks aren't into what you're writing. Not everything you write will be suitable for every reader, and that's fine. Not everyone can be expected to like every genre. I had a friend who disliked horror but felt compelled to buy and read my horror story Ripples to support me and later told me she hated my story but liked how I wrote. I suggested she not purchase my future books, despite our friendship, because horror angle wasn't going away, and I reassured her our friendship would not be impaired. My father also wishes to read my works, and likely will, but I know they aren't his cup of tea. Again, I'm not looking for outside approval here, I'm looking to know I've done the best job I could on what goes out the door.

From @amberwest:  How about your favorite [wine] you've made? What kind of grapes do you use? What's fave part of the process?

CB: My favorite wine we've made so far has been our Cabernet Franc '08. It was our first red wine that just did fantastically well, won us four silver medals, and for us as a new winemakers, very vindicating as our first red out the door!

We use a variety of reds, but only grapes available in Colorado. We believe in making Colorado products, and thus use only Colorado grapes and honey. (Did you know we made honey wine as well?) The types of grapes we get here are Cabernet Franc, Cabernet Sauvignon, Merlot, Malbec, Tinta Cao, Orange Muscat, Black Muscat, Chardonnay, Riesling, Sauvignon Blanc, and some American hybrids like Lacrosse, Cayuga, and Frontenac.

My favorite part of the process is actually two parts. I love punch downs, or macerating the grapes. This is after crush when the grapes are fermenting and the CO2 is causing the skins to rise to the surface of the liquid in the vat, and 4-5 times a day you have to get out there and punch the skins back into the wine. This releases the CO2 from the skins and re-bathes the skins in alcohol, allowing for greater extraction of the pigments, flavor, and polyphenolics from the skins. It's stinky and messy and exhausting, and you also know exactly where your wine is at. It's an incredibly intimate conversation. Eventually the fermentation ends and the CO2 production stops and the skins literally fall in, and we immediately press out the wine and put it into barrels.

My other favorite part are the blending trials. For small batches it's less of an issue, but when we hold back a portion for a reserve, then we usually have a number of barrels of reds or perhaps a complex white we're looking to produce. Taking samples, measuring, and combining those parts into a greater wine is a long process, and often you have to sit on it and come back to it just to be sure. Wine is a complex creature, and over time will tend to morph and settle in with other component wines once combined on a chemical and protein basis. Being able to predict how it will behave is partly chemistry, partly art, and partly luck.

From @Demon_Writer: Bow tie or long scarf?

CB: Long scarf. I assume this is a Dr. Who question, yes? Always the long scarf.

From @Demon_Writer: What if I want the cover of my book to be green? Can I do that?

CB: If you self-pub, then definitely you can do that. If you trad or indie, then no. I can't fathom they'd let you. Just not marketable and appealing enough. But then again, you may have some cool green iridescent dragon scale motif concept I'm just not picking up on, right? Subtle shades of green mottled across the cover? You could make it work…

From Shawn McDonald: If it only has two wings and two rear legs is it a Dragon or is it a Wyvern?

CB: I come down on the Wyvern side of that argument, although I know it's a longstanding debate.

From Nathan Shafer: ‎So Candice, any truth to the rumors about your torrid affair…with Bill Nye, the Science Guy?

CB: None, and I resent the implication! My interest in science is pure as the driven snow! Well except chemistry…

The Day I Breathed Trees

This is an excerpt from Living with Shadows, my collected stories about living with Temporal Lobe Epilepsy.

I sat inside reading a book, likely a Madeline L'Engle story, I read those over and over back then, when I lost focus on it. I kept trying to read, but the words wouldn't stay together, or I couldn't keep my mind on the task, I was simply and suddenly too agitated. I was 15 or 16 at the time, I'm not exactly sure.

And I felt the nudge. This is all too familiar to me now. You don't ignore the nudge. There was something it wanted to show you.

I told my mother I was going outside for a while, and I wandered into the backyard. We had a wonderful backyard in the house on Cornell Street, full of flowers, bushes, trees, a small garden with fruits and vegetables. But today, I felt fuzzy and out of focus. I stumbled off the back porch, down the back sidewalk and into the middle of the lawn. I was nudged again into the shade of the massive birch tree. I veritably collapsed onto the ground, drawn to lay myself out and bask in its shade.

Lying there, at first all I felt was the itch of the grass on my skin, and the warm summer breeze blowing across my skin. A bumblebee buzzed by, unconcerned with my presence. Perhaps I had imagined the nudges? But no, I'd learned to be patient. The nudges came, the physical sensation of being pushed, or kicked, or well, nudged. And then the odd awareness of 'something' coming, and I'd perk up. Whatever the puzzle piece, I had to pay attention. I had to make sense of it. It was essential. I'd learned this. I didn't know why, but I knew, if I was ever to make sense of what was going on, I had to pay attention.

Suddenly, my consciousness shifted without warning. My mind left my body and spread out like butter across the surface of the birch tree above me. Before, I'd noticed how it swayed in the breeze. Now, I swayed along with it, dancing as it did with the other trees in the vicinity. I felt the commingled pollen amongst the trees; saw the little messages passing as wavelengths of energy. I read those messages, understood them, and laughed aloud.

The sun broke through the clouds, and the tree sighed with appreciation as it lapped up the rays eagerly, the energy flowing into the heart of the tree, storing to feed and nurture the future seeds. I fed on the sun, took it into myself. Water sucked up from the extensive root network reached to the tip of every leaf. I felt the tree breath out, and I breathed in its breath. I felt like a speck of disconnected dust next to this massive creature, dug as it was into the earth and interwoven across the skies to its brethren.

As the moment began to fade, dissonance crept in. I tried to cling to the tree. I'm with it one moment, and the next it's shattered into a million pieces, and I'm nauseous, confused, dizzy, and my tongue tastes metallic. Sometimes I forget where I am, or what I was doing beforehand. The degree of disorientation varies. I get up, and go back inside. I was clumsy afterwards, but not for too long.

It's inevitable on the pleasant moments, I don't want them to fade, but I always try and hold on. It doesn't matter, they last a set period of time, I don't get to pick. I've learned this over the years.

A Taste of Madness

This is a short except from The Madness Path, the second book in my Chosen Few series. Yes, I'm working on five books at once. Enjoy!

* * *

Just when you think everything is coming together, everything is perfectly set on course, the bottom inevitably drops out, two steps before the finish line. When you've fully invested yourself, heart and soul, body and mind, financially and socially. You'd wrapped everything into this one venture, put it all on the line. Now it laid in a pile of shattered dreams. Or is that your mind, there on the conference room table in a movers box? No, that was just her job, and most of her social life, rent into shreds.

This never happens when you've gone half way. No. That's not how these cards get dealt. It takes your full, absolute commitment before the hammer will fall. Otherwise, what's the point? You're not primed. You're not ready. It takes full and absolute dedication to your goals before you're able to be shattered into a million tiny shards of ruin.

It's the moment the cosmos tells you your dreams don't matter one iota. That everything you've clung to for so long is without merit. And it's the moment you're utterly destroyed and reborn, all in an instant. Stripped of all that was, stripped of the assumptive yoke you've thoughtlessly given yourself over to, at this moment, this singular instant, your eyes have a grain of clarity.

Whatever happened to Erin out in those woods, she knew this moment was a culmination of that raw, elemental power. Something now took root in her, shook her foundation to the core, and cracked open the base. Although she'd lost her job, and for all she knew she'd be out on the street in T-minus two weeks, this moment was worth every second.

Right now, she felt so alive, so fully drawn into her own skin it crackled with anticipation, and she might just burst. Was she scared? Sure, her heart was beating at a million miles an hour, but the colors around her were so vivid and alive in a way she'd never seen before. No, that's not true, they'd been like this in the forest. With him. But now, that same clarity was here, and yet she was all alone. Or was she? The air itself vibrated around her. Was this real, or illusion? But then she caught the scent, his scent. Musky, earthy, fresh and green, a hint of wine. Her lips curled as she panted anticipatorilly. She sprinted out the door, box forgotten. Where she was going, it wouldn't be needed.

The hunt was on.