Sarah Butland's Blog, page 7

Not As Special As You Said I Would Be

Growing up being consumed with the feeling of being special was both a blessing and a curse.  I was “the real child “, “the baby”, “the perfect one” yet I could do wrong and boy, was that wrong.

I remember distinctly my brother telling me he predicted I would be beat up because I thought I was so special. I shocked and amazed me as I, in that moment, felt my most insecure. I felt like everything I did was for someone else. Everything I said was to lift someone’s spirits,  to shine the light on them and every word spoken was what was expected of me.

The truth was from my pen.

I was told I was special because I was “the real child” as opposed to the foster kid. That no one had to worry about me because I was fine, I knew what to do and how to act, dress and when to stay quiet. I was the good child despite my feeling oh so desperately wrong.

While I was perceived as the one with the knowledge,  strength and courage, the wisdom to handle it all and not ask for help, my poems screamed for it though remained tucked away hidden from anyone. No one was looking for the me I kept inside. They seemed to trust that what I showed was who I was while who I actually was remained hidden in scribblers and scraps of paper. Not only had I captured imagination, I captured my soul in notebooks no one would ever think to see.

Many times I would escape to a mountain side, above a road less travelled, and admire the birds and their freedom. Their seemingly care and stress free life, filled with opportunities to leave it all behind. That was the life for me.

Yet I stay grounded, working hard to prove my specialness while struggling with the rejections, law of averages and exhaustion from working on many things waiting for one, just one, to prove effective. To be happy in the moment when the present is laughing at my face, telling me my dreams are futile.

And then I listen to the great Brené Brown, Elizabeth Gilbert, James Mullinger and, most recently, Nancy Regan and am inspired. I see their special, their struggles and their accomplishments and understand that all had the determination required to stand up and, forgive the pun, show up. So I continue to ground myself, to balance all the chaos terribly and drop a ball vowing to come back to it later. I push through all the doubts, skepticism (mostly my own) and Show Up while trying not to be perceived as showing off.

Even before reading the book From Showing Off to Showing Up, I have been learning from the comments, the podcasts, the videos and seeing the special in Nancy, and all others, even if they can’t.

Which reminds me that I am as special as I think I am and that’s really all that matters.

And you know something, you’re special, too.

Thanks for reading,

Sarah Butland

Deeper Diving Into My Thoughts

Yesterday I met with a dear friend who challenges me in all the right ways. Recently a different friend made the comment that I had limited beliefs and I was struck. The shock of her honesty and its truth surprised me because I so easily admitted to myself that it was true and continues to be true. I always thought I was open minded, and still believe I am, but also realize I do need to stretch more. To leave the comfort and solace of my life behind a screen and have deeper conversations that amaze me and challenge me.

So yesterday, with a friend I’ll name Holly, picked up on my casually saying I don’t really have any close friends. I feel like I have many acquaintances, most are new to me and mostly I find a challenge to read. My limited belief has me understanding that “close friends” are ones you have known for years, who at least now a part of your history without you having to dredge up your sordid past.

But that’s simply not true.

While your past helps create you and form your perceptions, it does not define you. We are the present and in many ways it is simpler in the now. Close friends can actually be the people you can count on, like Holly for me, who will drop everything, or at least almost everything, if you need a couch or shoulder, an ear or a walk or run, even if it’s for thirty seconds. A close friend can be that person who simply gets that you need to reschedule, who understands that you need a day to hibernate, and who will answer your message at just the right time. At least for me, recognizing that a close friend can simply be someone who knows you now and sends you a meme or “thinking of you” message at the time you need it most.

A close friend may not yet know why your beliefs are limited, but they are willing and interested in sorting out why, no matter how long you’ve known them for.

With that shifting belief, I am blessed in knowing that I do have close friends and challenges to my thought process like this one promise to bring them even closer whenever I’m ready to let them in. I am thankful for Holly, and another friend I’ll call Eden, for their joy, freshness and easy way they make my life more complete.

What are your thoughts? Do you have close friends who are new and unburdened by your past circumstances?

A Wee Bit Personal

I thought of the idea to write this, had it all planned out in my head and then hesitated. I wondered if anyone would feel the same or even bother reading it. After attending a writer’s group recently, after too many months of isolation, the consensus was that writing is personal. That you need to dig deep and then sharing it is like putting your soul out for the world to judge. I get that, I do write personally, I just rarely put that stuff out to be judged. I write fluff instead. And book reviews.

So then I took a step back to regroup. To wonder for a moment if I need that deeper connection to gain more readers, to see more interaction both through Social Media and in real life. I realize that success is not simply about climbing a ladder to some elusive level of greatness and riches, it’s juggling all that life throws at you while you climb.

Brian Henry of Quick Brown Fox once mentioned in a writers workshop I attended that success in writing is not necessarily about hard work; it’s more about good luck. I was young, naïve and still dreaming big, listening to the voices that told me everything about life had to do with hard work. Always needing to see progress and change, drowning in repetition and sameness. As I aged that repetition and sameness piled on like never before though I wasn’t giving up the hard work, too. I continued to learn to climb while juggling and ducking from the obstacles I never wanted to face. Closing my eyes against some reality I never wanted to see.

It’s been more recently, for good or for bad, that I realized the luck factor does play such a large role for everyone – even the slackers.

Because we’re not in this alone.

No matter how hard one person works, stresses, how many balls are juggled, if no one is paying attention the only elusive existence at the top is even lonelier than it was on the way.

What I mean to say is, with any artistic endeavour, creating is only half the battle. You could be a dedicated artist, writer or musician and have a million pieces with your signature on them, but if you don’t show them to anyone, if people keep ignoring you, the content means nothing.

It certainly doesn’t mean you need to destroy your essence, go commercial and mass produce or give yourself away, literally and figuratively. And, from personal experience, it also doesn’t mean you should spend a lot of your time helping someone else reach another rung while sacrificing your own journey expecting for a hand to help you when you’re off balance. This isn’t to say you shouldn’t keep helping or shining the light on others, it means that you shouldn’t put yourself in the shadows to do so.

We all deserve to shine greatly, to work hard and to happen upon some good luck. We all need to help each other while also not giving up ourselves to do so. We can all shine brightly, juggle the real world and keep our eyes open to the challenges as getting through those hard times and sharing them, all of that is what makes the world go round and life worth living.

I realize that while I do write this I’m not promoting, reading, writing a new novel or cleaning a much neglected house. All of that will be there tomorrow. Right now, I’m in the moment I need to be in and hope you are, too.

Thanks for reading. I look forward to your comments to see if you resonate with all of this, too.

And most of all – good luck!

Five Stars for James Mullinger

Brit Happens: Or Living The Canadian Dream is much more than a story of a boy who found love and his home in Canada. This is a story of a dream, many risks and some obscure rewards. I loved this book, not because of being familiar with the names dropped throughout but because it is a how to, a how not to, a hug to all Canadians, a love letter to Atlantic Canadians and a ode to a family blessed to have Mullinger in their life and friends circle.

It’s a comedy show in a book, stage presence obvious from the first paragraph and it made me laugh throughout. It also made me shed a tear, gasp and groan. It made me excited to read every word, even for the stories I am now familiar with. I both dreaded the end and rushed towards it, it was the light in a tunnel of darkness.

I did read it as an ebook, because ebook readers do still exist, yet heard it as an audio book with visuals. I heard the accent which, I personally now declare as a wee bit Canadian despite its thick British charm, and saw the energy he has bottled within. I was rooting for him all the way, even knowing he is now Canadian and has the passport to prove it. Even though I’ve seen him on stage and heard the audience laugh and heckle, only in admiration.

And it’s also a sad tale of separation, life changes, hate letters that were clearly unwarranted. It’s a book that will inspire, welcome and motivate. Leaving people behind with promises to see them again, only to alter that to being a promise to visit their grave sight is a familiar feeling, one I felt through the pages and shed tears along with him. I have been able to name the names to honour them in the best way I know how though understand that may only be something Mullinger can do in the sequel. And by golly I do hope there is a sequel.

Brit Happens is a book that tells the story of a man who made it despite the odds and self-doubts and because of all that it is, I will cherish it and honour it, and feel you should, too.

Thanks for reading and supporting local, like James Mullinger does.

Sarah Butland

*links included are Amazon affiliate links

Canadian Children’s Book Week

In celebration of Canadian Children’s Book Week, my son (AKA Wild Willie) is hosting a giveaway and you’re invited! For your chance to win a copy of Lawrence Hill’s new middle grade fiction novel Beatrice and Croc Harry.

To enter please visit a Rafflecopter giveaway and take advantage of the options to have the chance to win!

In preparation of this summer’s Read by the Sea Literary Festival in Nova Scotia, Wild Willie is treating you to interviews, authors and children’s books.

Be sure to subscribe to his channel at https://www.youtube.com/c/WildWillies..., too!

Thanks for reading,

Sarah Butland

I Wish I Was a Teenager Again

When I thought of that I immediately cringed, but then realized it’s truth. While I was a teenager I hated it, wanted to be an adult when I could make my own decisions and do grown up things. I wouldn’t have to worry about teen antics, doing well on a test or determine the angle of the triangle simply to get out of grade ten.

At the time of being a teenager I was balancing being in a new school, finding then having a job, balancing good grades with finding myself and planning my future. It was overwhelming, at the time. And now it all seems so simple.

Now it seems there’s no time to find oneself, between finding matching socks and car parts that are out of stock. Being in love and romantic now consists of simply offering to do the laundry or automatically filling the Q-Tip can and changing the toilet paper when the roll is empty. It’s the little things that create spark or frustration. When I was a teenager everything seemed so huge – the first kiss, holding someone’s hand, do I go to prom or protest it?

I continue to sympathize with teens as they learn the importance of higher education, budgets and love as equally as I admire their innocence and perspectives.

Then I have to wonder if in thirty years (give or take a few), will I look back at the age I’m at now and think now is such a simple, wonderful time. Will I reflect on my current now as the best time of my life when I’m struggling with my son, trying to carve out time with my husband that doesn’t consist of cleaning the house for guests, or time to watch a television show we only watch to unwind and be in the same room together.

It really is all about perspective, understanding and embracing that time is passing and many aren’t as luck as we are to be living and experiencing right now.

Any age, I guess, is the best age as long as you are not taking it so seriously.

Peace By Chocolate, My Review and More

Peace by Chocolate: The Hadhad Family’s Remarkable Journey from Syria to Canada by Canadian author Jon Tattrie is a wealth of information, emotion and motivation. This book is more than the story of Tareq, the first of his family to escape Syria and arrive in Canada. It’s much more than the tale and woes of his father Isam, successful business and family man in Syria trying to rebuild after he fell from great heights.

Peace by Chocolate, the book, is about the entire family, the community of Antigonish and local success stories, including a mention of Barb Stegemann author of The 7 Virtues of a Philosopher Queen: a Woman’s Guide to Living and Leading in an Illogical World and success story from the same area, and the power of determination, flexibility and acceptance.

Tareq, a young man studying to be a doctor in Syria, had to leave everything behind for a chance at safety. Starting over, without his family or confidence in knowing what would come next. A foreign concept to most Canadians yet so many opened their homes and arms to welcome him, and eventually his family, to be our neighbours. Once settled, or even before that, the Hadhad’s created Peace by Chocolate, a locally and now globally known, brand of chocolate.

Beyond the book, as it sparked a lot of curiousity in me, I have to wonder why we don’t make it easier for new immigrants to follow their international dreams. Tareq, proving himself to be a well-educated, adaptable dreamer who manages to do, to take the right steps and know his truth, seemed to hit so many stumbling blocks here that he diverted to be the spokesman behind the chocolate company. In a rural area where doctors are scarce, and maybe I’m thinking too simply here, it seemed to be a good fit to welcome a man of such high regard and big heart to our community. Not only to create peace by chocolate but healing by medicine. And he is young, maybe it will come, and obviously he and his family are doing great things in many other ways, I just wanted to better understand the decision.

Overall, this is an essential book for anyone who a) loves chocolate, and really, who doesn’t and b) loves humanity and the growth mindset.

In my opinion, and really, that is all my reviews tend to be, Jon Tattrie presented the story of the Hadhad’s in a beautifully respectable way.

What is also amazing is Jon Tattrie will be at River John’s Read By The Sea this year to discuss his book and journey of writing it.

Thanks for reading,
Sarah Butland

*links included are Amazon affiliate links

Book Review of Good Burdens by Christina Crook

When I think of burdens I imagine a long list of daily chores, mundane tasks and must-do’s, too often prioritizing them so regularly it’s just automatic. These nuisances that take time and energy to complete are always there – groceries, laundry, dishes, school lunches – and I always dread them. How can I make them good? By reading Canadian author Christina Crook’s book as a definite starting place.

Being able to attend a virtual reading of Crook’s hosted by my local Pictou Antigonish Regional Library recently, I was hooked to Crook immediately. She captured my attention, her earrings brought me joy and I signed off feeling like I had an action plan I easily put into effect by first buying her book.

Good Burdens is not the full title of her second book. The full title is Good Burdens: How to Live Joyfully in the Digital Age which seemed ironic to me that the reading was virtual but it was also a blessing. With her in Toronto, Ontario and me in Pictou County, Nova Scotia, we bridged the gap and formed the beginning of a relationship I hope will last. Which then proves that technology isn’t so bad after all if we use it purposely, which I did and am now but, don’t always do.

While I jumped in with both feet, just dipping my toe in at her reading, I was quickly at odds with a concept she mentioned. Written during the Covid-19 pandemic, Crook writes that the lock down measures and government mandates have made us realize most of what we have is non-essential. I’m not sure who is right as there are valid arguments for both but, I feel everything is essential (see https://sarahbutland.com/blog/2021/09...). Let me explain… while “things” are not necessarily essential, the people behind them are and if we stopped buying the piece of art we fell in love with or the shirt that fits just right, or yet another book for our shelf though we have dozens or hundreds left to read, who are we and who are those around us?

As an author myself, with many readings cancelled in the past two years, the idea that authors are not essential computes to me as books are not essential, reading is not needed and education is just a hobby. This can be said about any artistry, profession, role.

But I kept reading. I had to. I needed to learn, understand and grow and I feel Good Burdens was like the sunshine to my roots. It is OK to disagree with someone about something and still learn and be friends. I actually think that is crucial, maybe now more than ever. And technology, as mentioned, gives us great advantages if we live with purpose and exist with joy. In this collection of experiences, research, and faith, Good Burdens is just as much a workbook and exercise as it is a book. It is a reprieve, an escape, a fresh look at mental health, community and, as Crook’s first book, The Joy of Missing Out: Finding Balance in a Wired World, explains, #JOMO.

Admittedly, this book came to me at a time of deep darkness and let me see some pinpricks of light into an ever changing and demanding world. It is a book that has its readers feel joy and collect joys for further navigation and reflection so we can shift our focus away from the constant pull of scrolling and back to a world where we embrace, connect and love. That’s the world I want to be a part of for sure!

Thanks for reading,

Sarah Butland

Money Like You Mean It: Personal Finance Tactics for the Real World by Erica Alini

A book by a Canadian author that should be taught and discussed in all schools in our country. It was wonderful to have a book focused on Canadian methods as so many are focused around the American way.

While admittedly quite knowledgeable when it comes to the financial world, Alini was able to teach me a lot while still being an easy to digest wealth of information. Money Like You Mean it is an account of wisdom, facts and methods while also not being pushy with respect to one way of doing things. This Canadian author and Global News Money Reporter, wrapped a ton of information into one compact book. Some readers would compare this to the old adage – in a nutshell – but I have a different take. This book is a lot of information stored in a grape peeling, with lots of juicy goodness and still growing on a vine that links with many other experts.

This idea promotes Alini’s humbleness in recommending many other experts whereas so many think they should be the only resource. She has touched on ideas of bucket accounts, included different family situations and touched on investments and cryptocurrency.

I highly recommend this book for high school students though is useful at any age when dealing with accounts. Money Like You Mean It: Personal Finance Tactics for the Real World by Erica Alini is a book that you may want to keep around and re-read whenever you’re feeling broke or, dare I say it, rich.

Thanks for reading,

Sarah Butland
*links included are Amazon affiliate links

Poles Apart by Canadian Author Terry Fallis

I have never loved a story as much as felt frustrated by it in the same way as I did with Poles Apart which just makes me like it even more.

A story about a male feminist who is fighting for equality through his words. A freelancer, only child, son of divorced parents and someone who witnessed first hand how easily one can ignore their own selfish ways. A lot of crazy luck happened throughout this story which has me, as a freelancer writer and regular blogger, motivated and wanting to strangle Ev, the main character, I could not put this book down.

The second book of Ontario author Terry Fallis that I read, I am craving to read all of the books he has available and wish I read them before seeing him at Read By The Sea Literary Festival. He seems approachable, comedic yet powerful and very, very humble.

To pick up a book I know little about and be hooked immediately from the first quote than scene doesn’t happen often enough. With Terry Fallis, I’ve come to trust all of his books will and am eager to read the next one.

Thanks for reading, and especially for reading Canadian!

Sarah Butland
#IReadCanadian